Integrating family and felines
June 17, 2022 6:17 AM Subscribe
My elderly parents are coming for a month-long visit after 2 and a half years of covid-enforced separation. I am really looking forward to it. In the interim, I adopted two rescue cats (cat tax). We have never had pets before, though my parents are excited and enthusiastic about meeting them. I am too (and my unbiased opinion is that my cats are adorable and nobody can help falling in love with them anyway), but I do have some practical concerns.
As I've recently shifted houses, my indoor/outdoor cat has had a hard time adjusting to a much more indoor-heavy lifestyle (I take him out for walks every day on a leash, and that seems to help). In the meanwhile, he has become a door dasher par excellence - he listens to me when I say no (mournfully gazing at me for maximum guiltifying), but I doubt he would listen to my parents (I work full-time and I'm away from the house 9 hours a day). Equally important, I am very aware of his tendencies so it's now second nature to check for his whereabouts before I open the door - something my parents aren't used to at all. I'm terrified that he would just...bolt. I can't expect people in their seventies to run after him and grab him. How do I train the pet AND the humans to be on guard for this?
Secondly, both my cats have a tendency to just follow me around everywhere, making it very easy for me to trip over them (something I've done multiple times). Again, I've just adjusted to small furry things being attached to my ankles, but it can be a real fall risk when someone wakes up and wants to use the restroom (My dad wakes up several times a night, and is obviously not at his sharpest at the time). Do I just...confine them to one room? They aren't used to that at all and WILL howl till the wee hours then.
Most of all, I want this to be fun for everyone involved. The door dasher is also an extremely social kitty (and can be bribed for affection), while the calico is a quieter gentler thing who hates being picked up but will happily potter around as close to me as possible. They've finally settled into the new house after a hard-ish couple of weeks, and I'm aware that this is yet another change they would have to deal with. How do I make it easy for them? Lots of playtime WITH the parents involved? Treatos from their hands? Catnip? Hidey-holes?
I'm taking a few days off at the very beginning so that everyone can get used to everyone else, but what else should I be doing? Make it a good visit for everyone, please. Thank you!
As I've recently shifted houses, my indoor/outdoor cat has had a hard time adjusting to a much more indoor-heavy lifestyle (I take him out for walks every day on a leash, and that seems to help). In the meanwhile, he has become a door dasher par excellence - he listens to me when I say no (mournfully gazing at me for maximum guiltifying), but I doubt he would listen to my parents (I work full-time and I'm away from the house 9 hours a day). Equally important, I am very aware of his tendencies so it's now second nature to check for his whereabouts before I open the door - something my parents aren't used to at all. I'm terrified that he would just...bolt. I can't expect people in their seventies to run after him and grab him. How do I train the pet AND the humans to be on guard for this?
Secondly, both my cats have a tendency to just follow me around everywhere, making it very easy for me to trip over them (something I've done multiple times). Again, I've just adjusted to small furry things being attached to my ankles, but it can be a real fall risk when someone wakes up and wants to use the restroom (My dad wakes up several times a night, and is obviously not at his sharpest at the time). Do I just...confine them to one room? They aren't used to that at all and WILL howl till the wee hours then.
Most of all, I want this to be fun for everyone involved. The door dasher is also an extremely social kitty (and can be bribed for affection), while the calico is a quieter gentler thing who hates being picked up but will happily potter around as close to me as possible. They've finally settled into the new house after a hard-ish couple of weeks, and I'm aware that this is yet another change they would have to deal with. How do I make it easy for them? Lots of playtime WITH the parents involved? Treatos from their hands? Catnip? Hidey-holes?
I'm taking a few days off at the very beginning so that everyone can get used to everyone else, but what else should I be doing? Make it a good visit for everyone, please. Thank you!
I had a dashing Houdini cat too, and had the same constant panic that he would sneak out on houseguests or contractors by accident. Here’s what I did:
I cleared my entryway so there was nowhere to hide (he used to lurk under a specific cabinet)
Put a collar on him with a bell, and my phone number.
Put a huge strip of masking tape folded around the collar so it stuck out like a 3 inch tab (non sticky because it was stuck to itself), labelled INDOOR CAT / please call # … so if he did escape someone would see it and know to catch him asap
Put a jar of catnip far back from the door and encouraged guests to give him catnip before they left- that would induce him to get fixated and at an area that was NOT my doorway.
Put a bright red glittery sign on the outside of the door at foot level (cat height) saying LOOK HERE FOR CAT so they would look down at it as they entered and he wouldn’t sneak out
Put a sign on every doorknob saying CAT so it brushed your hand as you turned the knob
You could also put a tracking tile on his collar so if he does sneak out, you can find him easily
I tell everyone at my house to always pause on the steps and let the cat go first so they won’t get tripped
I spent so much mental energy terrified my cat would escape but actually the only person who ever accidentally let him out … was me! (And I caught him without incident a few hours later).
I think he actually didn’t trust anyone else enough to follow so closely. Hope yours is the same!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 7:04 AM on June 17, 2022 [15 favorites]
I cleared my entryway so there was nowhere to hide (he used to lurk under a specific cabinet)
Put a collar on him with a bell, and my phone number.
Put a huge strip of masking tape folded around the collar so it stuck out like a 3 inch tab (non sticky because it was stuck to itself), labelled INDOOR CAT / please call # … so if he did escape someone would see it and know to catch him asap
Put a jar of catnip far back from the door and encouraged guests to give him catnip before they left- that would induce him to get fixated and at an area that was NOT my doorway.
Put a bright red glittery sign on the outside of the door at foot level (cat height) saying LOOK HERE FOR CAT so they would look down at it as they entered and he wouldn’t sneak out
Put a sign on every doorknob saying CAT so it brushed your hand as you turned the knob
You could also put a tracking tile on his collar so if he does sneak out, you can find him easily
I tell everyone at my house to always pause on the steps and let the cat go first so they won’t get tripped
I spent so much mental energy terrified my cat would escape but actually the only person who ever accidentally let him out … was me! (And I caught him without incident a few hours later).
I think he actually didn’t trust anyone else enough to follow so closely. Hope yours is the same!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 7:04 AM on June 17, 2022 [15 favorites]
It might be extreme, but a second "airlock" door either outside or inside of your door is worth considering. A cheap waist-high exercise pen taped to the door with a latching gate won't stop a really determined cat, but it will slow them down a lot. Otherwise, giving them a place to escape to that people aren't allowed to follow them into isn't a terrible idea in general. (What cuties!)
posted by eotvos at 7:18 AM on June 17, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by eotvos at 7:18 AM on June 17, 2022 [2 favorites]
Are your cats microchipped? Ensuring that the information associated with their chips is up to date is your best bet for a happy resolution for worst case scenarios.
Your cats will act very differently around your parents than around you. And, because your behavior will have changed they will also change around you too. Be sure to spend some time every day with just the cats so they get attention from the person they trust without them having to pay attention to the new people, or how you act around the new people.
If they are food oriented, associating your parents with treats isn’t a terrible idea but it’s not going to work like with dogs. Best to focus on everyone sharing space peacefully, and not forcing closer interactions. If the cats come up to them for attention, of course it’s okay to give it. But they might just be coming in for a check and to sate curiosity, not to make friends.
Teach your parents how to know when the cats are saying no. A whap with a soft paw or a hiss or growl or a whipping tail are all no, even if they aren’t moving away. But they also aren’t violence or aggression. People who have no animal experience and are learning cats for the first time can have a hard time knowing what things mean and interpret them as more aggressive than they actually are.
posted by Mizu at 7:42 AM on June 17, 2022 [1 favorite]
Your cats will act very differently around your parents than around you. And, because your behavior will have changed they will also change around you too. Be sure to spend some time every day with just the cats so they get attention from the person they trust without them having to pay attention to the new people, or how you act around the new people.
If they are food oriented, associating your parents with treats isn’t a terrible idea but it’s not going to work like with dogs. Best to focus on everyone sharing space peacefully, and not forcing closer interactions. If the cats come up to them for attention, of course it’s okay to give it. But they might just be coming in for a check and to sate curiosity, not to make friends.
Teach your parents how to know when the cats are saying no. A whap with a soft paw or a hiss or growl or a whipping tail are all no, even if they aren’t moving away. But they also aren’t violence or aggression. People who have no animal experience and are learning cats for the first time can have a hard time knowing what things mean and interpret them as more aggressive than they actually are.
posted by Mizu at 7:42 AM on June 17, 2022 [1 favorite]
For the nighttime bathroom visit, plug in night lights to illuminate the path and cats.
Also I completely hear you about stepping backwards but cats are pretty good at letting you know when they’re getting stepped on. One good howl’n’hiss is usually all it takes for my visitors to remember.
posted by Pretty Good Talker at 7:42 AM on June 17, 2022 [1 favorite]
Also I completely hear you about stepping backwards but cats are pretty good at letting you know when they’re getting stepped on. One good howl’n’hiss is usually all it takes for my visitors to remember.
posted by Pretty Good Talker at 7:42 AM on June 17, 2022 [1 favorite]
nouvelle-personne has great suggestions. I'd add that you should get a collar or tag for kitty that says LOST INDOOR CAT or IF I AM OUT, I AM LOST so that people will know he's not just chilling if he does get out, but obviously you want to avoid this if at all possible.
posted by bile and syntax at 7:48 AM on June 17, 2022
posted by bile and syntax at 7:48 AM on June 17, 2022
Train him to expect a small every time [then often, then sometimes when] you open the door IF he is sitting on a special stool/table/platform a good distance away from the door. This is covered in my most-referred book, "Clicker Training for Cats".
posted by amtho at 7:59 AM on June 17, 2022
posted by amtho at 7:59 AM on June 17, 2022
Do you know how the cats react to strangers? If not, can you introduce a test stranger to the house, fairly briefly, in advance of your parents' visit? I've known cats whose response to an unfamiliar person in the house was simply to hide somewhere, and given that they can be *very* good at hiding, you might mistake this for an escape. Useful to know ahead of time if it's how they might react.
Regarding cats underfoot in the middle of the night, I would make sure that there will be lights on between wherever your parents are sleeping and the nearest bathroom... helpful anyway, but doubly so if there's a possibility of ambulatory trip hazards. If there's an en-suite on your parents' room, then it's easy: keep the bedroom door closed all the time. (Although if you're going to do that, maybe close the door to that room now instead of waiting till your parents arrive, to give the cats time to get used to the idea that that space is off-limits to them.)
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 8:35 AM on June 17, 2022
Regarding cats underfoot in the middle of the night, I would make sure that there will be lights on between wherever your parents are sleeping and the nearest bathroom... helpful anyway, but doubly so if there's a possibility of ambulatory trip hazards. If there's an en-suite on your parents' room, then it's easy: keep the bedroom door closed all the time. (Although if you're going to do that, maybe close the door to that room now instead of waiting till your parents arrive, to give the cats time to get used to the idea that that space is off-limits to them.)
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 8:35 AM on June 17, 2022
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definitely leave the kitties an escape room or area that they can hide in at first. don't force any interactions with the parents, let the cats seek it out if they want it. your folks are there long enough the cats might get used to them naturally.
if your parents haven't had cats at all or during the last 20 years, show them how to hold a cat and pet a cat. if kitties have claws let your parents know to be aware of them.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 6:57 AM on June 17, 2022