Internet Addict Needs Answers NOW
June 2, 2022 2:29 PM Subscribe
I am addicted to social media as a way to avoid work. How do I stop? Is it even worth stopping?
I use the Internet--mainly social media--for hours on end. If I stop using one social media site, I'll go onto another or onto a forum. It's like I have a compulsive need to express myself and get a response. Part of it is that I work at home and will soon be living alone, so social media makes up most of my human contact for the day. (When I am around other people, I do not need my phone.) I enjoy writing as a communication method and have no outlet otherwise, as the kind of writing I like to do is useless in terms of earning money.
In addition, I was not well suited for my last job and spent most of my time dreading doing my work, as it would go through an intensive, graded review process that I kept doing badly at. My current job has a more positive atmosphere but I'm working off site and doubt there's much room for growth--the subjects are mildly interesting but not fascinating, and I still can't seem to concentrate. I feel like I have no idea how I'm doing and really don't care that much. The social media use does delay my work.
If I can get away with it though, why stop? First, social media can be depressing--the rush from getting a response doesn't last very long and the price of admission is being deluged with noisy, same-ish content that's generally depressing. Second, it's degrading the writing skills I do have. Third, ideally I'd like to be invested and engaged in something that pays, but that seems like it's for smarter people or people who make better choices, I don't know. The kind of people who post pictures of residencies or volunteer stints in all the feeds I have! Who don't spend all their time scrolling!
If this was a relationship question, I would be choosing between a fun, flirty person who provides me with endless emotional stimulation and sometimes a feeling of achievement but who ultimately wastes my time, versus my dull spouse whom I hardly know, distrust somewhat, and who bores me a bit, but who keeps a roof over my head and food in my fridge. Is there any way to train myself into staying with the latter? Prince(ss) Charming (by which I mean a job that both pays a living wage for a single person and attracts my interest) isn't exactly about to ride up on a white horse here, but maybe I can at least increase my attention span to Mx. Wrong? And if so, HOW?
I use the Internet--mainly social media--for hours on end. If I stop using one social media site, I'll go onto another or onto a forum. It's like I have a compulsive need to express myself and get a response. Part of it is that I work at home and will soon be living alone, so social media makes up most of my human contact for the day. (When I am around other people, I do not need my phone.) I enjoy writing as a communication method and have no outlet otherwise, as the kind of writing I like to do is useless in terms of earning money.
In addition, I was not well suited for my last job and spent most of my time dreading doing my work, as it would go through an intensive, graded review process that I kept doing badly at. My current job has a more positive atmosphere but I'm working off site and doubt there's much room for growth--the subjects are mildly interesting but not fascinating, and I still can't seem to concentrate. I feel like I have no idea how I'm doing and really don't care that much. The social media use does delay my work.
If I can get away with it though, why stop? First, social media can be depressing--the rush from getting a response doesn't last very long and the price of admission is being deluged with noisy, same-ish content that's generally depressing. Second, it's degrading the writing skills I do have. Third, ideally I'd like to be invested and engaged in something that pays, but that seems like it's for smarter people or people who make better choices, I don't know. The kind of people who post pictures of residencies or volunteer stints in all the feeds I have! Who don't spend all their time scrolling!
If this was a relationship question, I would be choosing between a fun, flirty person who provides me with endless emotional stimulation and sometimes a feeling of achievement but who ultimately wastes my time, versus my dull spouse whom I hardly know, distrust somewhat, and who bores me a bit, but who keeps a roof over my head and food in my fridge. Is there any way to train myself into staying with the latter? Prince(ss) Charming (by which I mean a job that both pays a living wage for a single person and attracts my interest) isn't exactly about to ride up on a white horse here, but maybe I can at least increase my attention span to Mx. Wrong? And if so, HOW?
1. Turn off all non-essential notifications. (Which on social media probably means all of them.)
2. Set aside certain times of the day for social media use, and stick to them. (Probably not first thing in the morning and last thing before bed, because those have a tendency to spiral out of control.)
3. Do your job as coldly and efficiently as possible, to maximize time for other things.
For getting through boring work, I've had success with the "Pomodoro" technique, which is basically working in highly focused 20 minute blocks and then "rewarding" yourself with a small break. (This works better for some kinds of work than others.)
posted by sportbucket at 5:22 PM on June 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
2. Set aside certain times of the day for social media use, and stick to them. (Probably not first thing in the morning and last thing before bed, because those have a tendency to spiral out of control.)
3. Do your job as coldly and efficiently as possible, to maximize time for other things.
For getting through boring work, I've had success with the "Pomodoro" technique, which is basically working in highly focused 20 minute blocks and then "rewarding" yourself with a small break. (This works better for some kinds of work than others.)
posted by sportbucket at 5:22 PM on June 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
Some task at my job don’t provide enough stimulation to hold my interest, so I put on videos ranging from “rainstorm outside a library” to “vlogger cooks dinner” depending on how much brain I need left over for work. Use the internet against itself!
Also, find a new job. Social media is enabling you to avoid the fact that you’re not happy, which is okay in small servings but not all the time.
posted by momus_window at 5:35 PM on June 2, 2022 [2 favorites]
Also, find a new job. Social media is enabling you to avoid the fact that you’re not happy, which is okay in small servings but not all the time.
posted by momus_window at 5:35 PM on June 2, 2022 [2 favorites]
While I feel for you in your situation and you have my sympathy there, I agree with others who mention your last paragraph is rather bizarre. It seems like you are seeing both work and romantic relationships as being this black-and-white false dichotomy of cliches. I work at my dream job and even I get bored and/or stressed sometimes. Likewise, I'm single but know my dream relationship would realistically be a mix of excitement and mundane stuff.
My social media usage has varied over the years, from unhealthy compulsion to completely ignored. I want to say I have a happy balance today or, perhaps better said, it's a small part of my life that I can use as wanted rather than an escape. Based on your previous questions, I think you're a smart person with lots of interests, someone who's not so happy in their current life but trying hard to make it work. I respect that! You are getting good hacks from people above but I also recommend trying therapy or bringing this up if you're currently seeing a therapist. No issue is too big or too small to explore, and so often pesky distractions like this help us understand our key challenges and also unlock our priorities.
Also random aside: I miss the golden age of blogs where we could peek at a new post on our lunch break for a welcome distraction. Social media is cool but doesn't quite scratch the same itch. I now read a lot of newspaper articles for a break (sometimes depressing), look at social media (more likely to send a friend a quick message), watch an educational video on YouTube (travel! food! etc.) and/or look at AskMetafilter on my phone! It's OK to want a distraction; wanting an escape hatch is more complicated though.
posted by smorgasbord at 6:47 PM on June 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
My social media usage has varied over the years, from unhealthy compulsion to completely ignored. I want to say I have a happy balance today or, perhaps better said, it's a small part of my life that I can use as wanted rather than an escape. Based on your previous questions, I think you're a smart person with lots of interests, someone who's not so happy in their current life but trying hard to make it work. I respect that! You are getting good hacks from people above but I also recommend trying therapy or bringing this up if you're currently seeing a therapist. No issue is too big or too small to explore, and so often pesky distractions like this help us understand our key challenges and also unlock our priorities.
Also random aside: I miss the golden age of blogs where we could peek at a new post on our lunch break for a welcome distraction. Social media is cool but doesn't quite scratch the same itch. I now read a lot of newspaper articles for a break (sometimes depressing), look at social media (more likely to send a friend a quick message), watch an educational video on YouTube (travel! food! etc.) and/or look at AskMetafilter on my phone! It's OK to want a distraction; wanting an escape hatch is more complicated though.
posted by smorgasbord at 6:47 PM on June 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Why i keep doing it, even when I could be doing other things--I think it's because it's a holdover from office habits where you are supposed to be looking at a screen of some sort during work hours. I used to have a job with slack hours and no outside Internet access at my particular cubicle, and was chided for reading books when I wasn't busy; other people were fine as they had access, were able to look at Facebook, and therefore looked busier. The lesson stuck, even though there's no one to look over my shoulder now.
I am actually much happier in this job, to the point where I feel like I can take a breath and consider what I'd like to plan next, but I'm 1. superstitious and am scared that this is tempting fate 2. worried that I'm overestimating my own abilities and value, especially in terms of concentration. Realistically, someone who is fucking around on social media all day should be in a worse situation, right?
Maybe I'm associating work with punishment a little too much...
posted by kingdead at 6:58 PM on June 2, 2022
I am actually much happier in this job, to the point where I feel like I can take a breath and consider what I'd like to plan next, but I'm 1. superstitious and am scared that this is tempting fate 2. worried that I'm overestimating my own abilities and value, especially in terms of concentration. Realistically, someone who is fucking around on social media all day should be in a worse situation, right?
Maybe I'm associating work with punishment a little too much...
posted by kingdead at 6:58 PM on June 2, 2022
Since you enjoy reading, how about ebooks that you can view with a web browser, like through your local library subscription?
It sounds like you're doing great but just don't quite believe in yourself right now. Perhaps you can get a few free therapy sessions to help with the transition through your work's employee assistance program?
posted by smorgasbord at 7:00 PM on June 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
It sounds like you're doing great but just don't quite believe in yourself right now. Perhaps you can get a few free therapy sessions to help with the transition through your work's employee assistance program?
posted by smorgasbord at 7:00 PM on June 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
Also, meds. You mention ADHD so you could go that route. I have OCD and find a low dose of an SSRI really helps. You know what's best for you but I find medicine, while not necessarily a long-term requirement, is super helpful during stressful transitions like this.
posted by smorgasbord at 7:04 PM on June 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by smorgasbord at 7:04 PM on June 2, 2022 [1 favorite]
Honestly, you sound like you're self-medicating some level of loneliness, imposter syndrome and anxiety via social media. Also, I can totally believe that your last job was both boring and punitive enough to leave you with some bad habits. You can unpick those! It'll just take a little bit of time to relax out of the coping methods that kept you going through total dullness and shallow judgy bosses.
What worked for me while working at home:
Plan lunches to get out of the house, and ideally around people. Picnics worked great! Meeting up with friends for lunch was fun.
See people in person multiple times a week, and when you want to check Insta/FB/etc, remind yourself that you're seeing X this evening or going to a fun meetup, or whatever.
The Pomodoro timer technique really helped: 20 minutes of actually focusing on work, 5 minutes of getting up, moving to a different place, and looking at something different. Even if the 'something different' was just another computer screen, the motion kept me from dying of boredom being home all day.
Channeling the urge to grab your phone into taking some deep calming breaths and getting a glass of water, or some other genuinely soothing habit, will probably help. Remind yourself that actually, you got this job because the people who hired you thought you would be a good fit, and your phone use is not relevant or a moral failing. Sometimes, wins are just wins, and there is nothing lurking in the wings.
I'd also like to gently echo that your framing of this issue is a little odd, and it might be worth taking some time to sit and think about that, and consider steps you might want to take to address it.
posted by Ahniya at 10:40 PM on June 2, 2022
What worked for me while working at home:
Plan lunches to get out of the house, and ideally around people. Picnics worked great! Meeting up with friends for lunch was fun.
See people in person multiple times a week, and when you want to check Insta/FB/etc, remind yourself that you're seeing X this evening or going to a fun meetup, or whatever.
The Pomodoro timer technique really helped: 20 minutes of actually focusing on work, 5 minutes of getting up, moving to a different place, and looking at something different. Even if the 'something different' was just another computer screen, the motion kept me from dying of boredom being home all day.
Channeling the urge to grab your phone into taking some deep calming breaths and getting a glass of water, or some other genuinely soothing habit, will probably help. Remind yourself that actually, you got this job because the people who hired you thought you would be a good fit, and your phone use is not relevant or a moral failing. Sometimes, wins are just wins, and there is nothing lurking in the wings.
I'd also like to gently echo that your framing of this issue is a little odd, and it might be worth taking some time to sit and think about that, and consider steps you might want to take to address it.
posted by Ahniya at 10:40 PM on June 2, 2022
You sound super panicky about this whole deal, and I want to say for me I find the internet to be a sedative more than anything. Even when I'm having intense emotions, arguing, etc. the feeling of constant motion and variety is like freedom from having to be in my body experiencing my feelings. So the more distressed you get about it, it's probably harder and harder to stop. I recommend getting yourself a little quiet mindfulness space, even if it's just thirty seconds of breathing and looking at the corner of your ceiling, to notice where you are and listen for what will bring you better, real satisfaction.
posted by Lady Li at 10:40 PM on June 2, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by Lady Li at 10:40 PM on June 2, 2022 [2 favorites]
Is it possible to have a dedicated work device or setup and a separate 'play' device? I have a similar struggle, and the only durable solution has been to keep social media and other distraction apps on a phone or laptop that I can physically put in another room when I need to buckle down and get work done. Just having the offending devices out of sight makes it a lot easier to focus on the task in front of me.
posted by Transmissions From Vrillon at 6:46 AM on June 3, 2022
posted by Transmissions From Vrillon at 6:46 AM on June 3, 2022
Anna Lembke wrote a book called Dopamine Nation that may is relevant / may be helpful. She specifically talks about how you can stop behaviors that may be result of addictions.
She's was also on a bunch of podcasts around the time she released the book if you want something to listen to on a commute (or at work for one afternoon instead of social media :) ).
Good Luck. You are not alone.
posted by sp_w at 7:30 AM on June 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
She's was also on a bunch of podcasts around the time she released the book if you want something to listen to on a commute (or at work for one afternoon instead of social media :) ).
Good Luck. You are not alone.
posted by sp_w at 7:30 AM on June 3, 2022 [1 favorite]
Are you using internet blockers? There are plenty that allow you to selectively block certain websites, either entirely or for a set amount of time. I use these when I need a break from social media. Delete all social media apps from your phone then set up customized blockers on your computer.
https://zapier.com/blog/stay-focused-avoid-distractions/
posted by EllaEm at 11:15 AM on June 3, 2022
https://zapier.com/blog/stay-focused-avoid-distractions/
posted by EllaEm at 11:15 AM on June 3, 2022
This thread is closed to new comments.
Part of it is that I work at home and will soon be living alone, so social media makes up most of my human contact for the day.
If I can get away with it though, why stop?
Because you could work less hours? And spend that time doing literally anything else? Like taking a walk, playing with a pet, calling a friend/parent, cooking/baking, reading a novel, playing a video game, doodling, like literally, anything else would be better than spending endless hours on social media. If you need data on this, there is plenty out there about how excessive social media does make most people miserable.
posted by coffeecat at 3:42 PM on June 2, 2022 [2 favorites]