How does your partner take care of you when you are sick?
May 27, 2022 4:18 PM Subscribe
I am curious about how people take care of each other in romantic partnerships when one of them has a contagious virus, flu, bad cold, strep throat etc.
This is not about Covid which has its own rules. Assume negative Covid tests and fully vaxxed partners. I'm thinking about normally healthy adult people with regular healthy immune systems, and no other conditions such as asthma or diabetes that might make it riskier to take care of a sick partner.
What does your partner do when you are sick?
What do you do for your partner when they are sick?
How do you balance caring for them with trying not to catch it?
I am asking because I want to see what other people might do but I am not trying to establish a norm and I know there is not one "right" way to do this. Again, assume that people might catch the other's illness and feel bad from it if they do, but that it's probably not that dangerous.
What does your partner do when you are sick?
What do you do for your partner when they are sick?
How do you balance caring for them with trying not to catch it?
I am asking because I want to see what other people might do but I am not trying to establish a norm and I know there is not one "right" way to do this. Again, assume that people might catch the other's illness and feel bad from it if they do, but that it's probably not that dangerous.
When I was married:
The one effort we really made to not catch a bug from each other was to make sure we weren't using the same water bottle (separate placement in the fridge, or if a non-reusable, draw a skull and crossbones on the lid), and to not kiss on the mouth/face for a bit.
Otherwise we tried to give the sick person the kind of care they wanted - being quiet while they slept or rested at non-standard times, tiptoeing in sometimes to ask if they needed anything and bring them that thing (a drink, a snack, a cold pack for their head, light level adjustment). I think we generally liked the same level of that kind of care; there wasn't much "ugh, leave me alone" or "please sit here with me for a while" that I recall. But we tried to tailor it to the sick person's preference.
If it was a little more serious and one of us was well or mostly well, that one would go pick up medication, juice, more kleenex/toilet paper, crackers, etc., in consultation with the sicker one.
posted by Occula at 4:35 PM on May 27, 2022 [4 favorites]
The one effort we really made to not catch a bug from each other was to make sure we weren't using the same water bottle (separate placement in the fridge, or if a non-reusable, draw a skull and crossbones on the lid), and to not kiss on the mouth/face for a bit.
Otherwise we tried to give the sick person the kind of care they wanted - being quiet while they slept or rested at non-standard times, tiptoeing in sometimes to ask if they needed anything and bring them that thing (a drink, a snack, a cold pack for their head, light level adjustment). I think we generally liked the same level of that kind of care; there wasn't much "ugh, leave me alone" or "please sit here with me for a while" that I recall. But we tried to tailor it to the sick person's preference.
If it was a little more serious and one of us was well or mostly well, that one would go pick up medication, juice, more kleenex/toilet paper, crackers, etc., in consultation with the sicker one.
posted by Occula at 4:35 PM on May 27, 2022 [4 favorites]
Partner made me a huge vat of vegetable broth from scratch, went to the store and got all the OTC meds and Gatorade, took care of all the chores.
posted by erattacorrige at 4:36 PM on May 27, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by erattacorrige at 4:36 PM on May 27, 2022 [3 favorites]
1. Go out and buy the things they like to eat/drink when sick, meds, etc.
2. Set out meds or remind of the schedule if they are seeming unclear on what they need to do.
3. Bring foods and drinks and napkins to them so they don't have to get up if they're feeling tired; clear away empties.
4. Bring chargers, headphones, as needed.
5. Be quiet while they are sleeping.
6. As they start to improve, wash all the sheets and towels.
posted by xo at 4:37 PM on May 27, 2022 [12 favorites]
2. Set out meds or remind of the schedule if they are seeming unclear on what they need to do.
3. Bring foods and drinks and napkins to them so they don't have to get up if they're feeling tired; clear away empties.
4. Bring chargers, headphones, as needed.
5. Be quiet while they are sleeping.
6. As they start to improve, wash all the sheets and towels.
posted by xo at 4:37 PM on May 27, 2022 [12 favorites]
When I was married, we didn't treat contagious and non-contagious sicknesses all that differently. So my ex-husband would be helpful and kind to the extent he could whether I had a muscle injury or flu.
posted by bluedaisy at 4:40 PM on May 27, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by bluedaisy at 4:40 PM on May 27, 2022 [3 favorites]
I, and my meta, are very much sick in the manner of cats - we will crawl somewhere dark and safe and either die or get better. Our partner likes to be cared for. So in the great happenings of 2021 where all three of us got laid up with surgeries, car crashes, and broken limbs in a succession, it was a wild time.
My partner cooked food, put on star trek and let me sleep. Similar to how he looked after his other partner. Company was mostly laying around quietly skin to skin (I have more of a need for that than she does but it's pleasant). Make sure basic needs are met then back away.
When he was laid up for months I visited, hung out chatting, massaged and made sure he and his partner had food and necessities. She wrangled the actual healthcare stuff like appointments and physio, and checking the injury. We supplied books and tech he could use in bed, and organised visits from other folk, and generally tried to stave off his cabin fever. A few carefully planned outings.
I regularly get migraines and we have a fairly standard procedure - he gets me meds and puts me to bed and makes sure I've got food for when I resurface. Then he does his own thing.
With the ongoing stuff - recovery takes a long time in your thirties when you're damaged badly - we offer what assistance we can. I tried to make sure I carried food boxes and heavy stuff up to their flat whenever I visited, tidied so walkways were clear. During a particularly severe outbreak of COVID my meta was working ridiculous hours so our partner stayed with me for a few weeks. We would visit while she was at work, tidy, and restock the fridge with food she could take to work or eat after a bad shift (all of them).
In general I assume that I will get whatever a partner or someone in my household has. So if they get sick I look after them but also prep what I can for the inevitable overlap. Currently though my kid has the flu and since I'm vaxxed I seem to have missed it - I make sure there is a lot of easy food (growth spurt is also occuring) and tissues and let them bunker down. They seem to be like me so will resurface for food, possibly a hug, will complain, then retreat back into their room. When my partner and I have been sick it's similar but he likes company so I usually either work from the bedroom or set up sleepout in the living room. I am enough like my mother I make them drink hot honey and lemon and put terrible amounts of garlic in everything as well.
posted by geek anachronism at 4:45 PM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
My partner cooked food, put on star trek and let me sleep. Similar to how he looked after his other partner. Company was mostly laying around quietly skin to skin (I have more of a need for that than she does but it's pleasant). Make sure basic needs are met then back away.
When he was laid up for months I visited, hung out chatting, massaged and made sure he and his partner had food and necessities. She wrangled the actual healthcare stuff like appointments and physio, and checking the injury. We supplied books and tech he could use in bed, and organised visits from other folk, and generally tried to stave off his cabin fever. A few carefully planned outings.
I regularly get migraines and we have a fairly standard procedure - he gets me meds and puts me to bed and makes sure I've got food for when I resurface. Then he does his own thing.
With the ongoing stuff - recovery takes a long time in your thirties when you're damaged badly - we offer what assistance we can. I tried to make sure I carried food boxes and heavy stuff up to their flat whenever I visited, tidied so walkways were clear. During a particularly severe outbreak of COVID my meta was working ridiculous hours so our partner stayed with me for a few weeks. We would visit while she was at work, tidy, and restock the fridge with food she could take to work or eat after a bad shift (all of them).
In general I assume that I will get whatever a partner or someone in my household has. So if they get sick I look after them but also prep what I can for the inevitable overlap. Currently though my kid has the flu and since I'm vaxxed I seem to have missed it - I make sure there is a lot of easy food (growth spurt is also occuring) and tissues and let them bunker down. They seem to be like me so will resurface for food, possibly a hug, will complain, then retreat back into their room. When my partner and I have been sick it's similar but he likes company so I usually either work from the bedroom or set up sleepout in the living room. I am enough like my mother I make them drink hot honey and lemon and put terrible amounts of garlic in everything as well.
posted by geek anachronism at 4:45 PM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
My previous partner liked to be left alone to sleep things off and had a lot of first aid training, so I just made sure he had anything he asked for and there was food in the house.
My current partner likes to be taken care of much more and is less aware of how sick he is sometimes, so I do quite a bit more. Encourage him to take his temperature and suggest that he take meds if it seems like he needs them. Make him food that seems appropriate for his level of sickness - pedialyte, tea, soup, “real food”. Bring him anything he needs and sit with him for a bit if he wants.
posted by A Blue Moon at 5:09 PM on May 27, 2022
My current partner likes to be taken care of much more and is less aware of how sick he is sometimes, so I do quite a bit more. Encourage him to take his temperature and suggest that he take meds if it seems like he needs them. Make him food that seems appropriate for his level of sickness - pedialyte, tea, soup, “real food”. Bring him anything he needs and sit with him for a bit if he wants.
posted by A Blue Moon at 5:09 PM on May 27, 2022
I've argued about this with partners in the past. What I *want* from a partner is to be left the hell alone as much as possible. Bring me tea if it makes you feel good, but I can get my own tea. It's not really because of worry about risk of catching it - though, that may be an added benefit - but because the effort of interacting with another person just makes everything harder and trying to make myself presentable when sick is a challenge. "Don't make me worry about the fact that you're watching me dribble snot into a pillow," is the general idea.
I understand that pretty much everyone I've ever lived with has wanted something very different. It took me too long to learn to explicitly ask about it and ignore what *I* would want. I wish more of my partners had done the same. (But, we're all learning.)
I've always pretty much assumed that if you live with someone, you're already thoroughly exposed by the time there are symptoms. Maybe that's not always true. In a tiny apartment with colds/flues, it seems to be. But, I'm not an expert.
posted by eotvos at 5:17 PM on May 27, 2022 [2 favorites]
I understand that pretty much everyone I've ever lived with has wanted something very different. It took me too long to learn to explicitly ask about it and ignore what *I* would want. I wish more of my partners had done the same. (But, we're all learning.)
I've always pretty much assumed that if you live with someone, you're already thoroughly exposed by the time there are symptoms. Maybe that's not always true. In a tiny apartment with colds/flues, it seems to be. But, I'm not an expert.
posted by eotvos at 5:17 PM on May 27, 2022 [2 favorites]
I tend to just want to sleep when I feel ill, but it's OK if my partner does caring things as long as they realize I'm probably going to mumble "thanks" and then fall back asleep. When my partner is ill, I try to do what I can do to help them feel better.
posted by TimHare at 5:23 PM on May 27, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by TimHare at 5:23 PM on May 27, 2022 [2 favorites]
I realize my comment above just assumed we're talking about people living together. If not, then, if I were sick, I'd tell my partner to stay the hell away. But, I wouldn't hesitate for a moment to come over and cook soup on their stove if that was what they wanted and they were ill. At least for illnesses unlikely to be life-threatening.
posted by eotvos at 5:24 PM on May 27, 2022
posted by eotvos at 5:24 PM on May 27, 2022
My husband and I bring each other tea and will take up the cooking and cleaning chores. The well person will run any drugstore errands. In case of injury or pain, massage is on offer.
posted by Hypatia at 5:56 PM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Hypatia at 5:56 PM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
There's not a lot of babying that goes on in our house. We mostly leave each other alone to rest and recover, with the occasional check-in to see how they're doing and if they need anything, usually on the order of offering to fetch medication, freshen up the gingerale or heat up some soup, or possibly making a supply run. The occasional pitying glance and "I'm sorry you don't feel good."
We've been fortunate so far (knock wood) that illness has generally been on the order of colds, the occasional flu, minor surgery, etc. I know personally for me when I'm not feeling good I basically want to sleep it off and not much interested in interaction.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 6:13 PM on May 27, 2022 [2 favorites]
We've been fortunate so far (knock wood) that illness has generally been on the order of colds, the occasional flu, minor surgery, etc. I know personally for me when I'm not feeling good I basically want to sleep it off and not much interested in interaction.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 6:13 PM on May 27, 2022 [2 favorites]
My husband and I both prefer to be left alone to suffer/heal when we're sick or in pain. The healthy partner knows he/she will need to take care of doing the errands and other issues that require interacting with the larger world, and that goes without mentioning. We try not to share a glass too often. Otherwise, we check in periodically to ask if there's anything the sick partner needs/wants. It has never once occurred to me, when my husband has been sick, that I might need to take precautions so I don't get sick too. And I'll bet it has never occurred to him either. Instead, I guess we just both assume that if the healthy partner were due to get sick as well, it already would have happened or is already in process. Nothing we do or don't do, once someone has gotten sick, is going to make any difference.
posted by DrGail at 6:13 PM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by DrGail at 6:13 PM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
What does your partner do when you are sick?
I'm married and we had Covid at the same time. I was unwell and he had very mild symptoms. I mostly stayed in bed and he brought me drinks, Tylenol, fluffed the blankets, etc. He tended to my needs and left me to rest.
How do you balance caring for them with trying not to catch it?
I've had viral respiratory illnesses/flu where my spouse did not contract. We don't worry or try to prevent transmission because we cohabitate. It's nearly impossible to prevent illness when you are in such close proximity and sleep in the same bed. He will sleep on couch if I am coughing - for peace and quiet. He will grocery shop, prepare mills, and bring me what I need if I'm in bed.
What do you do for your partner when they are sick?
The same as above. I'll bring him soup, beverage, medications. Check his temperature or feel his head. Tend to his needs and leave him to rest.
posted by loveandhappiness at 6:30 PM on May 27, 2022
I'm married and we had Covid at the same time. I was unwell and he had very mild symptoms. I mostly stayed in bed and he brought me drinks, Tylenol, fluffed the blankets, etc. He tended to my needs and left me to rest.
How do you balance caring for them with trying not to catch it?
I've had viral respiratory illnesses/flu where my spouse did not contract. We don't worry or try to prevent transmission because we cohabitate. It's nearly impossible to prevent illness when you are in such close proximity and sleep in the same bed. He will sleep on couch if I am coughing - for peace and quiet. He will grocery shop, prepare mills, and bring me what I need if I'm in bed.
What do you do for your partner when they are sick?
The same as above. I'll bring him soup, beverage, medications. Check his temperature or feel his head. Tend to his needs and leave him to rest.
posted by loveandhappiness at 6:30 PM on May 27, 2022
At my house I will happily take extra special care of you as long as you’re also participating by doing the things you know/hope/should help you feel better. So sometimes I make lots of tea and broth and hand out meds and clean up sick and do anything else that might help them feel comfortable. Other times if they don’t want to actively participate (like drink the tea I bring) in their own care, then I drop it and let then fend for themselves. The longer we’ve been together the less they have chosen to fend for themselves when sick.
posted by Swisstine at 6:42 PM on May 27, 2022
posted by Swisstine at 6:42 PM on May 27, 2022
Depends on how sick, but assuming one of us is sick enough that we feel totally out of commission, the other person will take care of all the cleaning/housework and offer to do food prep, but that's kinda it? Perhaps worth saying that both my partner and I were single for much of our adult-lives before dating, so we both tend to prefer being somewhat self-sufficient - like, we'll still generally make ourselves tea or a snack/soup when sick.
As for spreading the illness, we don't really worry about this, but generally there is no kissing happening and not much skin-to-skin contact.
posted by coffeecat at 6:45 PM on May 27, 2022
As for spreading the illness, we don't really worry about this, but generally there is no kissing happening and not much skin-to-skin contact.
posted by coffeecat at 6:45 PM on May 27, 2022
My human usually goes on a comfort mission and gets me the stuff that's useful when we're sick: electrolyte drinks, bouillon cubes, applesauce, ramen, comfort food. He makes sure there's lots of tissues and toilet paper and mostly leaves me alone. I do the same. We gather blankets to pile on the sick one so they can try to sweat it out if they want. We make sure relevant supplies are at arms' reach. We know what allergy/cold/pain medicines work best for us. We keep our distance and do regular gentle non-imposing check-ins and generally do the world-interacting and trash-clearing duties for the other, since we're kinda both self-cloistering types. But we do aggressively offer whatever hot drinks are makeable with the supplies at hand.
Sometimes we have to tell each other to slow down and take a cold/whatever more seriously. "You should take this cold more seriously," he said to me a month or two ago. "You're right," I said, "what should I do?" "You should put on some socks and wrap a blanket around yourself." So I did and we watched a show we both like. He was right.
When the sick one is awake, we request information about how they're feeling and say things like, "Aw, buddy," all slow and shmoopy like you would say to a toddler. "Aw, man, I'm sorry," we'll say. "Oh, no, aw, buddy." The sick one gets to make lots of sad grumpy faces and fake or real crying sounds. "Aw, buddy, I'm so sorry you don't feel good," the other one says, while rubbing their back if they're not too contagious. Kisses on foreheads or tops of head.
posted by lauranesson at 7:12 PM on May 27, 2022 [9 favorites]
Sometimes we have to tell each other to slow down and take a cold/whatever more seriously. "You should take this cold more seriously," he said to me a month or two ago. "You're right," I said, "what should I do?" "You should put on some socks and wrap a blanket around yourself." So I did and we watched a show we both like. He was right.
When the sick one is awake, we request information about how they're feeling and say things like, "Aw, buddy," all slow and shmoopy like you would say to a toddler. "Aw, man, I'm sorry," we'll say. "Oh, no, aw, buddy." The sick one gets to make lots of sad grumpy faces and fake or real crying sounds. "Aw, buddy, I'm so sorry you don't feel good," the other one says, while rubbing their back if they're not too contagious. Kisses on foreheads or tops of head.
posted by lauranesson at 7:12 PM on May 27, 2022 [9 favorites]
I think it all depends. You will probably mostly get answers from MeFites who are generous and giving because, after all, this is AskMetafilter! A lot of people do very little for a partner, neither in sickness nor in health, and those people are best avoided. As for the good ones, I think it's all about communicating your various needs and wants because it all depends. I rarely get sick and have never really had a partner take care of me in this way. Tbh I don't really need it either but I look forward to finding out one day. I've learned to hold out for someone who is as generous to me as I am to them and that's pretty darn hard to find!
posted by smorgasbord at 7:24 PM on May 27, 2022
posted by smorgasbord at 7:24 PM on May 27, 2022
We don't worry about contagiousness within our household, we just figure if one of us is sick the other one's probably gonna get sick and that's life. We provide whatever level of care the other person wants.
When I'm sick I want to be provided with snacks and gingerale and then left the hell alone so that's mostly what my partner does. If he's sick he mostly just wants to sleep so I keep the cats out of his hair, make sure we have soup for his agonies, and maybe hang out in bed and read while he naps.
posted by Stacey at 8:24 PM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
When I'm sick I want to be provided with snacks and gingerale and then left the hell alone so that's mostly what my partner does. If he's sick he mostly just wants to sleep so I keep the cats out of his hair, make sure we have soup for his agonies, and maybe hang out in bed and read while he naps.
posted by Stacey at 8:24 PM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
Focusing on the "How do you not catch what they've got?" part of your question:
We avoid kissing each other on the lips. Sometimes the well person gives kisses on body parts that seem maybe less germy: their back, their shoulder.
We stop sharing food and drinks, glasses and utensils.
That is really pretty much it! We still sleep in the same bed, breathe the same air, and share the same small space of our apartment. It's not foolproof by any means, but back in January when it felt like everyone and their brother was getting sick with COVID, my partner got something and I somehow stayed asymptomatic even though he was coughing his lungs out for 2 weeks.
posted by tinydancer at 9:00 PM on May 27, 2022
We avoid kissing each other on the lips. Sometimes the well person gives kisses on body parts that seem maybe less germy: their back, their shoulder.
We stop sharing food and drinks, glasses and utensils.
That is really pretty much it! We still sleep in the same bed, breathe the same air, and share the same small space of our apartment. It's not foolproof by any means, but back in January when it felt like everyone and their brother was getting sick with COVID, my partner got something and I somehow stayed asymptomatic even though he was coughing his lungs out for 2 weeks.
posted by tinydancer at 9:00 PM on May 27, 2022
Mr Zumbador is a teacher, which means that whatever bug is going around in the community, he gets, and most likely, I get it too. (We both have Covid right now)
With most things, like colds and flu, we assume that by the time he's showings symptoms, I've probably been thoroughly exposed already so we don't do anything to minimise contact.
Sometimes, with infections like pink eye, and occasionally, gastro, we'll make an effort not to share towels.
It's easier for me to care for him when he's home sick as I work from home, but other than that, we are pretty much the same. Make snacks and meals, listen to worries, take over chores, maybe nag the person to see a doctor if they are reluctant and it seems necessary.
I like making sure that the bedroom is as neat and comfortable as possible.
posted by Zumbador at 9:41 PM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
With most things, like colds and flu, we assume that by the time he's showings symptoms, I've probably been thoroughly exposed already so we don't do anything to minimise contact.
Sometimes, with infections like pink eye, and occasionally, gastro, we'll make an effort not to share towels.
It's easier for me to care for him when he's home sick as I work from home, but other than that, we are pretty much the same. Make snacks and meals, listen to worries, take over chores, maybe nag the person to see a doctor if they are reluctant and it seems necessary.
I like making sure that the bedroom is as neat and comfortable as possible.
posted by Zumbador at 9:41 PM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
In terms of being contagious to each other, we've never done more than not sharing utensils or bodily fluids. No Covid yet, thankfully. Sometimes we both get sick and sometimes not, but we figure we've been exposed to each other before anyone had symptoms, anyway.
Lord Oscar is pretty self-sufficient when he is sick, but I do my best to keep tea/soup/etc. available for him. (I am the normal producer of meals.) He won't go to a doctor unless things get drastic, so I try to monitor when that state is reached without fussing over him too much. He is our normal driver, so getting him to medical care when he really should not be driving is my weakness.
When I'm sick, he will go above and beyond to bring me anything I ask for - he once drove around an unfamiliar city to find me a pillow and a specific book because I could feel I was getting sick. If I ask for particular foodstuffs, OTC medications, feminine hygiene products, whatever, he will get them for me if they are to be had. If I indicate that I want to see a doctor, he will whisk me away to my appointment with the heat cranked up. The only thing that has sometimes been an issue is that he trusts that I will know what I need for maybe a little too long, and of course when one is sick and out of it that's not necessarily the case.
posted by LadyOscar at 9:58 PM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
Lord Oscar is pretty self-sufficient when he is sick, but I do my best to keep tea/soup/etc. available for him. (I am the normal producer of meals.) He won't go to a doctor unless things get drastic, so I try to monitor when that state is reached without fussing over him too much. He is our normal driver, so getting him to medical care when he really should not be driving is my weakness.
When I'm sick, he will go above and beyond to bring me anything I ask for - he once drove around an unfamiliar city to find me a pillow and a specific book because I could feel I was getting sick. If I ask for particular foodstuffs, OTC medications, feminine hygiene products, whatever, he will get them for me if they are to be had. If I indicate that I want to see a doctor, he will whisk me away to my appointment with the heat cranked up. The only thing that has sometimes been an issue is that he trusts that I will know what I need for maybe a little too long, and of course when one is sick and out of it that's not necessarily the case.
posted by LadyOscar at 9:58 PM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
I would say a lot of the stuff that was already said above (bring tea, soup, tissues and medicine as wanted or requested). I would also add in (and this presumes living together and romantic partners) sleeping in another room, sure maybe a bit to avoid also catching something but really more that good sleep can be so hard when sick and just being able to flail/move about to the non icky parts as needed feels better and having the well partner take care of all household tasks. Perhaps that is obvious, but not always. Take out the garbage, fill the car with gas, get groceries, do laundry. This also helps in the event that the other person does fall ill that it’s not doubly difficult to catch back up.
When I was little my mom would always have me go take a steamy shower or a bath and while I was getting cleaned up she’d change the sheets. Nothing better that when you’re feeling icky to be able to get back into a nice clean bed after a shower.
posted by raccoon409 at 10:13 PM on May 27, 2022
When I was little my mom would always have me go take a steamy shower or a bath and while I was getting cleaned up she’d change the sheets. Nothing better that when you’re feeling icky to be able to get back into a nice clean bed after a shower.
posted by raccoon409 at 10:13 PM on May 27, 2022
That is a thing that I neglected to mention...we both, if we are coughing so much that it would keep someone up, try to remove ourselves from the bedroom, one way or the other. (I feel it's fairest to prioritize the person who still needs to go to work, but we both would prioritize each other regardless.)
posted by LadyOscar at 10:26 PM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by LadyOscar at 10:26 PM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
Like LadyOscar, we do separate sleeping locations if the sick person is disturbing the other's sleep. Sick person keeps the nice bed (with obligatory "oh I'm so sorry" "No, you're sick, you get the good bed" exchange).
Non sick person picks up house duties- cooking starting from mildly sick both to let other rest and because germs, on up to running errands, cleaning and toddler wrangling depending on sickness level.
Sick person generally fends for themselves with other checking in occasionally and getting things from the outside world/elsewhere in the house where necessary. The toddler really means that the person who is up and moving really can't be doing a ton of active caring for the person who is sick.
We generally operate under the assumption that we're going to catch whatever from each other (or toddler). We all had COVID and didn't really do much beyond token "no kisses" but we're all also young with no preexisting conditions that put us at risk of complications.
posted by damayanti at 11:33 PM on May 27, 2022
Non sick person picks up house duties- cooking starting from mildly sick both to let other rest and because germs, on up to running errands, cleaning and toddler wrangling depending on sickness level.
Sick person generally fends for themselves with other checking in occasionally and getting things from the outside world/elsewhere in the house where necessary. The toddler really means that the person who is up and moving really can't be doing a ton of active caring for the person who is sick.
We generally operate under the assumption that we're going to catch whatever from each other (or toddler). We all had COVID and didn't really do much beyond token "no kisses" but we're all also young with no preexisting conditions that put us at risk of complications.
posted by damayanti at 11:33 PM on May 27, 2022
My partner makes sure I'm hydrating and takes on primary kid duty when I sick. I'm also not great about remembering to take Advil/Tylenol so he often checks in and then brings me some if I'm due. He also makes lots of sympathetic noises and reminds me to not feel guilty-- I tend to feel bad about not pulling my weight-- and rest up. I do many of the same things for him when he is sick. Generally, he is a grumpy sick person and I am a guilty-feeling sick person. In terms of avoiding contagion-- we wash our hands a lot. But with young children in the mix it generally feels like a futile exercise.
posted by jeszac at 10:11 AM on May 28, 2022
posted by jeszac at 10:11 AM on May 28, 2022
Oh-- we also sleep in separate rooms when we are sick- in part for ease of sleeping and in part to avoid cooties.
posted by jeszac at 10:12 AM on May 28, 2022
posted by jeszac at 10:12 AM on May 28, 2022
Honestly, with two young kids the sick person gets the bare minimum. We will run to the store for each other and make sure they are taking meds and drinking water. But the well person takes on full care of the kids and house and that’s enough for one person to handle. But neither of us feels like we need to be babied and we realize that suddenly being the sole caregiver to the kids is really tough and don’t want to ask more.
posted by avocado_of_merriment at 1:29 PM on May 28, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by avocado_of_merriment at 1:29 PM on May 28, 2022 [1 favorite]
We have a "sickie gets the bed" rule, so whomever is healthy sleeps on the pull-out sofa, while the person who's sick gets to sleep solo in the bedroom. This allows the sick person to toss & turn and cough and sniffle without worrying that they're keeping the healthy person up all night, and means that the healthy person gets enough sleep so they can hopefully not get sick.
It's not even primarily about reducing viral exposure (though I'm sure that helps too). We do it because sleep deprivation makes you much more susceptible to viruses. We've had great success with this practice in the past. More often than not, whichever of us is healthy stays that way.
Sickie also gets to request whatever food/drink they desire and the healthy person makes it happen. We do weekly meal planning, but if one of us gets sick and really wants a big bowl of ramen, well, that tuna casserole dinner can wait.
Usually the healthy person also takes the opportunity to restock cold meds, cans of soup, tissues, etc just in case both of us end up sick at the same time.
posted by burntflowers at 5:17 PM on May 28, 2022 [1 favorite]
It's not even primarily about reducing viral exposure (though I'm sure that helps too). We do it because sleep deprivation makes you much more susceptible to viruses. We've had great success with this practice in the past. More often than not, whichever of us is healthy stays that way.
Sickie also gets to request whatever food/drink they desire and the healthy person makes it happen. We do weekly meal planning, but if one of us gets sick and really wants a big bowl of ramen, well, that tuna casserole dinner can wait.
Usually the healthy person also takes the opportunity to restock cold meds, cans of soup, tissues, etc just in case both of us end up sick at the same time.
posted by burntflowers at 5:17 PM on May 28, 2022 [1 favorite]
"Sickie gets the bed" is such a good rule!
posted by lauranesson at 8:47 AM on May 31, 2022
posted by lauranesson at 8:47 AM on May 31, 2022
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And when I do bring her stuff, I don’t worry about trying not to catch it.
posted by Windopaene at 4:26 PM on May 27, 2022 [5 favorites]