Learning a language, how to get over fear of talking to native speakers?
April 25, 2022 10:33 AM Subscribe
Learning a second language (Spanish) as an adult. I'm taking a class and studying with flashcards, but I need to start having conversations in Spanish if I want to become proficient. However, my Spanish is really awful (I'm truly a beginner) and I'm absolutely petrified of using it to converse with native speakers. How do I get over my fears?
I've done some traveling in Spanish-speaking countries, and also spent a bunch of time with Duolingo. So I already knew how to order food, book a hotel, find the bathroom, etc. However, I recently decided that I'd like to be fluent someday. Currently I'm taking a class and keeping up with it pretty well. Nonetheless, I know that I need to start having real conversations in Spanish if I want to be fluent someday.
My first concern is that my Spanish is really really basic. To give you some idea, I'm about 8 weeks into a 10-week course called "Spanish for Absolute Beginners." At this point, I only know the present tense, regular verb conjugations, and some vocabulary. What kind of conversations can I actually have based on this? I can't imagine I'll be too compelling a conversation partner.
My second concern feels kinda silly/stupid, so please bear with me. As an American with leftist politics, I'm always concerned about things like cultural appropriation. Again, I know this doesn't make any sense, but part of me is worried that talking to a native speaker in their mother tongue (and using the correct accent) will come off as appropriative somehow — like I'm imitating them or something. I know, it doesn't make any sense, but fears and phobias rarely do.
Finally, I'd like some suggestions for venues where I could start having conversations in Spanish. I feel like it would be inappropriate to just ask random Latinos I encounter if they speak Spanish and want to converse in their mother tongue. Do you have any recommendations? Are the Meetup groups any good? Are there any good apps or websites for this? I've heard about "language exchange" or "language partner" sites — does anybody have experience with these?
I live in NYC, if that makes any difference.
I've done some traveling in Spanish-speaking countries, and also spent a bunch of time with Duolingo. So I already knew how to order food, book a hotel, find the bathroom, etc. However, I recently decided that I'd like to be fluent someday. Currently I'm taking a class and keeping up with it pretty well. Nonetheless, I know that I need to start having real conversations in Spanish if I want to be fluent someday.
My first concern is that my Spanish is really really basic. To give you some idea, I'm about 8 weeks into a 10-week course called "Spanish for Absolute Beginners." At this point, I only know the present tense, regular verb conjugations, and some vocabulary. What kind of conversations can I actually have based on this? I can't imagine I'll be too compelling a conversation partner.
My second concern feels kinda silly/stupid, so please bear with me. As an American with leftist politics, I'm always concerned about things like cultural appropriation. Again, I know this doesn't make any sense, but part of me is worried that talking to a native speaker in their mother tongue (and using the correct accent) will come off as appropriative somehow — like I'm imitating them or something. I know, it doesn't make any sense, but fears and phobias rarely do.
Finally, I'd like some suggestions for venues where I could start having conversations in Spanish. I feel like it would be inappropriate to just ask random Latinos I encounter if they speak Spanish and want to converse in their mother tongue. Do you have any recommendations? Are the Meetup groups any good? Are there any good apps or websites for this? I've heard about "language exchange" or "language partner" sites — does anybody have experience with these?
I live in NYC, if that makes any difference.
Volunteer with kids in a Latinx and Spanish-speaking area of your city. Maybe a book-reading program with the public library or a sports league with the parks system, something you're good at. Then show up early and stay late so you have casual time to hang out with the kids. Ask if there's anyone who wants to help you learn Spanish. It's not like you're going to have a very sophisticated conversation with a small child anyway, so that's one concern out of the way. And kids LOVE to be smarter than an adult, so will happily tell you when you're wrong. Big word of advice only go this route if your ego can handle a child laughing at you--I personally think that's a good skill to cultivate but be forewarned children are not for the weak. And you'll also naturally draw in any parents eager to participate, since there's a good chance they'll be within listening distance.
posted by phunniemee at 10:46 AM on April 25, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 10:46 AM on April 25, 2022 [5 favorites]
I've heard good things about the classes at Idlewild Books, since you're in NYC. Brooklyn Public Library also has a Virtual Spanish Conversation group you could use, although I don't know how many native speakers attend.
posted by threementholsandafuneral at 10:48 AM on April 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by threementholsandafuneral at 10:48 AM on April 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
I use iTalki to hire community tutors (and occasionally teachers). There are all sorts of people and prices on there. And just listening to their introduction videos is good for listening practice.
Many of them work with beginners, and they will be patient and help you. Chatting with people really helps, and you are paying them, so you don’t have to be stressed about being slow. Also, if you don’t like the person you are working with, you never have to speak to them again, there’s lots of other teachers . I tend to do 30 minutes at a time so it is pretty cheap.
posted by ugf at 10:49 AM on April 25, 2022 [9 favorites]
Many of them work with beginners, and they will be patient and help you. Chatting with people really helps, and you are paying them, so you don’t have to be stressed about being slow. Also, if you don’t like the person you are working with, you never have to speak to them again, there’s lots of other teachers . I tend to do 30 minutes at a time so it is pretty cheap.
posted by ugf at 10:49 AM on April 25, 2022 [9 favorites]
As a not-really-fluent, white, native English speaker, I share your hesitation. My solutions aren't great, but, for what it's worth:
First of all, hire an online personal tutor; they can be surprisingly cheap. It's their job to have a conversation with you. I don't know any good NYC venues or language exchange groups, but it's not unlikely they exist.
My policy in non-predominantly-Spanish-speaking places is to wait until someone else says things in Spanish or puts on Spanish language music and then politely say a few words, usually including an apology that I am still learning. They'll either respond with enthusiasm or not. It's usually pretty obvious. In Spanish speaking places, just learn to accept that you'll probably sound goofy for the rest of your life and smile a lot. If nearly everyone in town speaks Spanish, nobody will blame you for trying. (It's good to make people laugh.) Cheers! Language is hard. Language and etiquette is doubly hard.
posted by eotvos at 10:50 AM on April 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
First of all, hire an online personal tutor; they can be surprisingly cheap. It's their job to have a conversation with you. I don't know any good NYC venues or language exchange groups, but it's not unlikely they exist.
My policy in non-predominantly-Spanish-speaking places is to wait until someone else says things in Spanish or puts on Spanish language music and then politely say a few words, usually including an apology that I am still learning. They'll either respond with enthusiasm or not. It's usually pretty obvious. In Spanish speaking places, just learn to accept that you'll probably sound goofy for the rest of your life and smile a lot. If nearly everyone in town speaks Spanish, nobody will blame you for trying. (It's good to make people laugh.) Cheers! Language is hard. Language and etiquette is doubly hard.
posted by eotvos at 10:50 AM on April 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
Italki is a site where you can get one to one online (video) conversation lessons with native speakers, reasonably priced. Some of them are teachers, others are enthusiasts, priced accordingly. They’re lessons, so take account of the fact you might be a beginner, and you’re paying them, so it’s not like you’re ripping them off.
FWIW, I think your argument about appropriation is not only irrational, it’s completely wrong. I’d argue that failing to learn any other languages than your mother tongue (esp. when your mother tongue is a very dominant one like English) is much more culturally problematic than learning a second language.
Likewise, speaking eg. Spanish with a strong English accent when you have it in your power to speak with an accent that’s closer to a native speaker, seems to me more problematic and obstinate than really going for it and trying to improve your Spanish accent. Bear in mind that it only sounds like “putting on an accent” to you, because you’re being US-centric and assuming that your current way of speaking is somehow accentless/the world’s neutral default. To a Spanish speaker, you working to improve your Spanish accent will sound like you getting rid of your foreign English accent, and doing them the favour of making yourself more easily comprehended.
posted by penguin pie at 10:54 AM on April 25, 2022 [19 favorites]
FWIW, I think your argument about appropriation is not only irrational, it’s completely wrong. I’d argue that failing to learn any other languages than your mother tongue (esp. when your mother tongue is a very dominant one like English) is much more culturally problematic than learning a second language.
Likewise, speaking eg. Spanish with a strong English accent when you have it in your power to speak with an accent that’s closer to a native speaker, seems to me more problematic and obstinate than really going for it and trying to improve your Spanish accent. Bear in mind that it only sounds like “putting on an accent” to you, because you’re being US-centric and assuming that your current way of speaking is somehow accentless/the world’s neutral default. To a Spanish speaker, you working to improve your Spanish accent will sound like you getting rid of your foreign English accent, and doing them the favour of making yourself more easily comprehended.
posted by penguin pie at 10:54 AM on April 25, 2022 [19 favorites]
what has definitely helped me when learning language was the phrase "embarassment is the cost of entry". You need to practice a lot to achieve proficiency (you know this - great!), you need to just do it, just speak. Even small phrases "buenos dias", "gracias" then grow from there. Most likely you cannot wait until you reach "a comfortable level of proficiency". Just get out there and speak. Find a spanish bar/cafe/restaurant and make a small order and go from there. This is coming from someone who, in the moment, not realising the difference between children's vocabulary and adult vocabulary requested, in a totally straight face, "1 ticket for the 4 o'clock choo-choo please", and didn't understand why the person manning the counter was looking at me in a funny way.
posted by alchemist at 11:26 AM on April 25, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by alchemist at 11:26 AM on April 25, 2022 [4 favorites]
there are so many options now. meetup has a practice group that meets on zoom every weekend , search meetup for “spanish english”. the app clubhouse has a lot of practice rooms. discord has many language exchange servers. i’d be happy to chat about my experiences in these spaces if you like; feel free to message me !
posted by elgee at 11:40 AM on April 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by elgee at 11:40 AM on April 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
This isn’t exactly helpful, but I want to be supportive about your feeling that it’s rude (I think appropriation might be slightly the wrong word for it) to try to practice your Spanish on acquaintances in the US even if you’re reasonably sure they’re fluent Spanish speakers.
I’m in pretty much the same position you are (monolingual English speaker, working on Spanish but at a very basic level still) and I live in a heavily Spanish-speaking immigrant neighborhood. And it is very clear to me (and has been explicitly confirmed to me by people who should know better than I) that it would be perceived as rude and awkward of me to try to struggle through painfully slow communication in my terrible Spanish rather than relying on other people’s almost universally at least adequate English. You’re not being weird at all by thinking you shouldn’t just launch into a Spanish conversation with, e.g., someone who works in a store, even if you just heard them speaking Spanish to someone else, until you’re at least quite fluent.
So what should you do? I haven’t figured that out myself in detail yet, but like people above have said, paid lessons and meetup-type things, where improving bad Spanish is specifically the point.
posted by LizardBreath at 12:10 PM on April 25, 2022 [6 favorites]
I’m in pretty much the same position you are (monolingual English speaker, working on Spanish but at a very basic level still) and I live in a heavily Spanish-speaking immigrant neighborhood. And it is very clear to me (and has been explicitly confirmed to me by people who should know better than I) that it would be perceived as rude and awkward of me to try to struggle through painfully slow communication in my terrible Spanish rather than relying on other people’s almost universally at least adequate English. You’re not being weird at all by thinking you shouldn’t just launch into a Spanish conversation with, e.g., someone who works in a store, even if you just heard them speaking Spanish to someone else, until you’re at least quite fluent.
So what should you do? I haven’t figured that out myself in detail yet, but like people above have said, paid lessons and meetup-type things, where improving bad Spanish is specifically the point.
posted by LizardBreath at 12:10 PM on April 25, 2022 [6 favorites]
There are language exchange apps (e.g. HelloTalk and Tandem) where you can find native speakers willing to "trade" talking time with you, though in my experience these apps felt weirdly almost like dating apps.
Like ugf, I have used italki to good effect; if you have the cash to try private lessons (which start around $5 an hour) it can be really fun. (If you use italki on a computer it has forums where you can also find a free language exchange partner, if you like.)
r/spanish also has a long list of resources including several Spanish-English language trade discords -- worth a try.
It's normal to feel freaked out when you're first trying to speak a language. But hang in there, it's worth it!
posted by hungrytiger at 12:36 PM on April 25, 2022
Like ugf, I have used italki to good effect; if you have the cash to try private lessons (which start around $5 an hour) it can be really fun. (If you use italki on a computer it has forums where you can also find a free language exchange partner, if you like.)
r/spanish also has a long list of resources including several Spanish-English language trade discords -- worth a try.
It's normal to feel freaked out when you're first trying to speak a language. But hang in there, it's worth it!
posted by hungrytiger at 12:36 PM on April 25, 2022
I'm in the same boat except a little ahead of you in that I felt this way a few months ago. I'm here to report that this is totally a "the only way past is through" situation--you just gotta do it.
What worked for me is this: in situations that were low-stress enough (no time constraints, etc.) if someone I was interacting with was speaking in Spanish to someone else, I'd say "Aprendo español. Puedo practicar contigo?"
I am here to report that every. single. time. the person lit up and excitedly agreed. In my experience, Spanish speakers in the United States really love and appreciate it when they find someone who has gone through the effort of learning their language! The key is picking a good moment!
posted by rhymedirective at 12:54 PM on April 25, 2022 [4 favorites]
What worked for me is this: in situations that were low-stress enough (no time constraints, etc.) if someone I was interacting with was speaking in Spanish to someone else, I'd say "Aprendo español. Puedo practicar contigo?"
I am here to report that every. single. time. the person lit up and excitedly agreed. In my experience, Spanish speakers in the United States really love and appreciate it when they find someone who has gone through the effort of learning their language! The key is picking a good moment!
posted by rhymedirective at 12:54 PM on April 25, 2022 [4 favorites]
I'm a bit further along than you in my second language (French - I know how to use most of the commonly-used tenses but I forget them in the heat of the moment!) and/but one thing that has helped me A LOT in the past has been travel in non-urban France, because I organically ended up in situations where my English was more adequate than someone else's French. So, like, if I wanted to have a conversation over breakfast with the other people staying at the gîte, well, that was going to be in French. If someone needed to tell me that a bridge was out on a hiking trail or I'd left my hiking poles behind at a mountain restaurant, it was in French. If I wanted to get my rental car back from the impound lot (true story) it was in French.
These were not long trips - I've never spent more than two weeks in France at one go - but they made a huge difference in my confidence. Did I say a lot of things along the lines of, "I know mayhaps a tempest came tomorrow"? I sure did.
So, if you can hang out in places where Spanish-speaking is the norm, that's not a terrible option. I don't like bugging people when they're at work doing other things - just because someone makes you a coffee/drink/sandwich or teaches your yoga class or cleans your office doesn't mean you get to use them as a Spanish tutor as well. But if you're in a place where you'd strike up a conversation with the person next to you at the bar in English, I don't think it's necessarily worse to strike up a conversation in Spanish, or at least to attempt it.
posted by mskyle at 12:59 PM on April 25, 2022
These were not long trips - I've never spent more than two weeks in France at one go - but they made a huge difference in my confidence. Did I say a lot of things along the lines of, "I know mayhaps a tempest came tomorrow"? I sure did.
So, if you can hang out in places where Spanish-speaking is the norm, that's not a terrible option. I don't like bugging people when they're at work doing other things - just because someone makes you a coffee/drink/sandwich or teaches your yoga class or cleans your office doesn't mean you get to use them as a Spanish tutor as well. But if you're in a place where you'd strike up a conversation with the person next to you at the bar in English, I don't think it's necessarily worse to strike up a conversation in Spanish, or at least to attempt it.
posted by mskyle at 12:59 PM on April 25, 2022
If you find it scary to talk to native speakers, you might try talking to non-native speakers - for example, native English speakers who are learning Spanish and are at about an intermediate level. Native English speakers who aren't super fluent often make pretty good conversation partners because they speak a little more slowly and with a more restricted vocabulary. Once you have at least a little practice with conversations, you might find you have more confidence to talk to native speakers.
posted by Jeanne at 1:27 PM on April 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Jeanne at 1:27 PM on April 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
Spend a few weeks in certain parts of Miami and you'll get over it real quick. There are plenty of people who prefer to listen to your broken Spanish than speak in broken English. Sometimes you'll end up not speaking the same language for efficiency's sake, if you have a decent understanding of Spanish and they have a decent understanding of English but neither of you are particularly good at speaking in the non-native tongue.
posted by wierdo at 1:45 PM on April 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by wierdo at 1:45 PM on April 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
Check out Boris Shekhtman's How to Improve Your Foreign Language Immediately. Despite the clickbaity title, it outlines simple practices for easing the burden on your native or more fluent speaking partner. For example, use lots of smaller simple sentences to convey more information. Don't answer with just a yes or no or very short answer--always give a little more information to build the flow of conversation. Expand on a topic -- are you talking about food at a restaurant? Talk about how your mom is a terrible cook and your dad cooks all of the family dinners or about a favorite food or about meeting a famous chef or about a cooking disaster you had or a previous job working in restaurants. That will give the other person something else to build on and it will help you build you comfort and vocabulary around specific topics.
posted by carrioncomfort at 1:49 PM on April 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by carrioncomfort at 1:49 PM on April 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
My method was to marry a Spanish speaker, but this may not work for everyone.
I have some seemingly contradictory advice. First, you can do a lot with a small vocabulary. My mother was good at this: she had a talk with the mother of an Italian friend— she knew only a smattering of Italian and the lady knew no English. But they got across the basics of family (how many kids they had, etc.) and had a great time. You have to be ready to feel foolish and make mistakes. That's how you learned English as a kid, too.
On the other hand, be careful about talking to random Spanish speakers. Most people are not trained as language tutors, and the moment you seem lost, they'll switch to English if they know it, for efficiency's sake. If you have no Spanish-speaking friends, finding a personal tutor is a good idea.
No matter what your level, traveling in a Spanish-speaking country would be helpful. Being surrounded by the language helps a lot, and it'll be easier to find people who have the leisure to attempt a conversation.
posted by zompist at 4:41 PM on April 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
I have some seemingly contradictory advice. First, you can do a lot with a small vocabulary. My mother was good at this: she had a talk with the mother of an Italian friend— she knew only a smattering of Italian and the lady knew no English. But they got across the basics of family (how many kids they had, etc.) and had a great time. You have to be ready to feel foolish and make mistakes. That's how you learned English as a kid, too.
On the other hand, be careful about talking to random Spanish speakers. Most people are not trained as language tutors, and the moment you seem lost, they'll switch to English if they know it, for efficiency's sake. If you have no Spanish-speaking friends, finding a personal tutor is a good idea.
No matter what your level, traveling in a Spanish-speaking country would be helpful. Being surrounded by the language helps a lot, and it'll be easier to find people who have the leisure to attempt a conversation.
posted by zompist at 4:41 PM on April 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
Haven't seen this yet - look for a "Spanish table" in your area. These are usually groups that get together for a meal, and conversation in Spanish. Most are very accepting of all skill levels, because their goal is to help each other overcome these types of issues while helping each other learn.
posted by TimHare at 5:48 PM on April 25, 2022
posted by TimHare at 5:48 PM on April 25, 2022
Learning a second language is not appropriation. Volunteer to work with Spanish speaking kids. They also have a really basic vocabulary and will be patient with you in way teens will not be. I learned most of my basic Spanish hanging out with my landlord's 5 year old when I lived in Mexico. Kids don't often get to be around people they can teach, so often they really enjoy it!
posted by ananci at 7:16 PM on April 25, 2022
posted by ananci at 7:16 PM on April 25, 2022
Duolingo hosts free events where language learners speak to one another in the target language. I've only seen the events on the website, not on the phone app. Spanish is very well supported -- you could do a 2 hour zoom every day if you wanted to.
Maybe not the best way to pick up intonation, etc, but wonderful for getting over any hangups about speaking a new language. There are also low-cost options for zooming with native speakers when you are ready to move on!
posted by apparently at 6:58 AM on April 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
Maybe not the best way to pick up intonation, etc, but wonderful for getting over any hangups about speaking a new language. There are also low-cost options for zooming with native speakers when you are ready to move on!
posted by apparently at 6:58 AM on April 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
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posted by SPrintF at 10:40 AM on April 25, 2022 [1 favorite]