How do I center my creative practice while working remotely?
April 24, 2022 4:50 AM Subscribe
I currently work in a stable, digital role for which I am underemployed and completely apathetic towards. I took the role for practical reasons as it gives me the necessary breathing room for me to work on my writing portfolio. However, over the last couple of months I have failed to maintain my writing practice, developed insomnia, and fallen into a spiral of complacency, guilt and worry.
My day job is comfortable and easy with the potential to grow into a career which makes me slightly complacent. The field, digital communications, is incredibly superficial and multi faceted which frustrates my specialist and scholarly brain. Furthermore, because I am highly imaginative and can envision the tidy path that is within my grasp, it makes me depressed that my strengths, skills and values are miles apart for this.
There is also complacency towards the open-endedness of writing. I have a tendency to casually miss submission and prize deadlines (there are many) that would help me move forward professionally. Peers or friends are unhelpful for accountability. Therefore, I need an editor or agent again to keep me accountable.
There is much guilt around using work time to develop and center my writing practice even if I regularly complete my daily tasks quickly and work mainly from home. My colleagues are wonderful and enthusiastic about their careers which deepens my guilt. I am worried that I will become too complacent and guilty to work on my portfolio and thus my writing career. So it's a vicious cycle.
I used to be incredibly disciplined. Previously, I worked as an editor and journalist, managing different projects and deadlines which kept me engaged and content. Similarly, while studying for my Masters. Maybe because I was busy, fulfilled and engaged in those fields that I became disciplined.
Leaving my job is not really an option right now. I live outside of any major cities and the job market is pretty dire right now especially with regards to well paid, fully remote roles that do not require much training. There are hybrid roles but it is expensive to commute. I thought about returning to my editing career but I have been out of the loop since leaving a few years ago - loss of contacts, industry changes, print dying etc. Also the journalism and publishing industries have shifted so much I might as well stay in communications as much of those fields have been swallowed up by the digital forces too. *Sigh* Positively, I have noticed that I am quite interested by the design aspect of my job which is a direction I could look into. However, I think much like editorial and writing, I am fulfilled by all the acute configuration of a concept or product. I thought of academia, but I wouldn't consciously work towards that unless an outcome of a practice-based writing career.
I currently work with my therapist to unearth my suppressed artistic side and to manage my emotions. Also with the duality I feel of having a career-focused, day job and working on my creative career. This has been helpful so far.
Does anyone have stories, tips or insight that would help me get out of the spiral and back into discipline and fulfilment?
My day job is comfortable and easy with the potential to grow into a career which makes me slightly complacent. The field, digital communications, is incredibly superficial and multi faceted which frustrates my specialist and scholarly brain. Furthermore, because I am highly imaginative and can envision the tidy path that is within my grasp, it makes me depressed that my strengths, skills and values are miles apart for this.
There is also complacency towards the open-endedness of writing. I have a tendency to casually miss submission and prize deadlines (there are many) that would help me move forward professionally. Peers or friends are unhelpful for accountability. Therefore, I need an editor or agent again to keep me accountable.
There is much guilt around using work time to develop and center my writing practice even if I regularly complete my daily tasks quickly and work mainly from home. My colleagues are wonderful and enthusiastic about their careers which deepens my guilt. I am worried that I will become too complacent and guilty to work on my portfolio and thus my writing career. So it's a vicious cycle.
I used to be incredibly disciplined. Previously, I worked as an editor and journalist, managing different projects and deadlines which kept me engaged and content. Similarly, while studying for my Masters. Maybe because I was busy, fulfilled and engaged in those fields that I became disciplined.
Leaving my job is not really an option right now. I live outside of any major cities and the job market is pretty dire right now especially with regards to well paid, fully remote roles that do not require much training. There are hybrid roles but it is expensive to commute. I thought about returning to my editing career but I have been out of the loop since leaving a few years ago - loss of contacts, industry changes, print dying etc. Also the journalism and publishing industries have shifted so much I might as well stay in communications as much of those fields have been swallowed up by the digital forces too. *Sigh* Positively, I have noticed that I am quite interested by the design aspect of my job which is a direction I could look into. However, I think much like editorial and writing, I am fulfilled by all the acute configuration of a concept or product. I thought of academia, but I wouldn't consciously work towards that unless an outcome of a practice-based writing career.
I currently work with my therapist to unearth my suppressed artistic side and to manage my emotions. Also with the duality I feel of having a career-focused, day job and working on my creative career. This has been helpful so far.
Does anyone have stories, tips or insight that would help me get out of the spiral and back into discipline and fulfilment?
Best answer: I had and still have a lot of anxiety about writing. I was able to create a practice by starting very small. For me, this meant 20 minutes in my chair working on writing every day, after which I gave myself a sticker on a calendar (it's juvenile, but it works for me). I have gradually increased this to an hour a day. I bought myself a fancy hourglass after reading that Penn Jillette uses one to time his writing. There is something about having that ritual of turning the hourglass over that really helps me. Also, when I'm stuck, it's kind of meditative to watch the sand fall. I find that if I don't write first thing in the morning, I am much more likely not to write at all.
I still need a more disciplined way to actually send things out, but I recently sent a submission for the first time in five years. At this point, I feel like I have a discipline, a program, and I just need to figure out the best ways to add to it.
I think the key to starting a new habit is starting as small as you need to. If twenty minutes is too much for you, try five. Once you start doing something regularly, it's easier to add to that. Where you start today isn't where you'll stay. And I remember the William Stafford quote that if it's too hard to write, "lower your standards."
I keep this quote from Annie Dillard on my desk to remind myself to just stay in the chair when writing doesn't seem to be working at all: "I do not so much write a book as sit up with it as with a dying friend. During visiting hours, I enter its room with dread and sympathy for its many disorders. I hold its hand and hope it gets better."
posted by FencingGal at 6:48 AM on April 24, 2022 [14 favorites]
I still need a more disciplined way to actually send things out, but I recently sent a submission for the first time in five years. At this point, I feel like I have a discipline, a program, and I just need to figure out the best ways to add to it.
I think the key to starting a new habit is starting as small as you need to. If twenty minutes is too much for you, try five. Once you start doing something regularly, it's easier to add to that. Where you start today isn't where you'll stay. And I remember the William Stafford quote that if it's too hard to write, "lower your standards."
I keep this quote from Annie Dillard on my desk to remind myself to just stay in the chair when writing doesn't seem to be working at all: "I do not so much write a book as sit up with it as with a dying friend. During visiting hours, I enter its room with dread and sympathy for its many disorders. I hold its hand and hope it gets better."
posted by FencingGal at 6:48 AM on April 24, 2022 [14 favorites]
I don't have a lot of help to offer however I definitely feel in a similar situation. I am not a professional creative, but have creative projects on the side, and I went into comms for the aspects that let you research, analyze, strategize and write. I still haven't found the right fit for me work-wise, but I'm confident I can.
What I will say, though, is that working remotely has sapped nearly all my energy. A few years ago in the pre pandemic, I took a remote job in an IT company to try it out. I stayed there 2 years but after a time noticed my mental health, discipline, will power and motivation slid downwards. I ended up leaving that job for a new in-person job, and my happiness levels and generally being able to function as a human being went way up. Now that I'm in a forced work-from-home situation again, I've slid down into complacency, apathy, and nihilism. It's hard to describe all the ways that a short commute into a new environment, with a designated workspace, designated coworkers closeby, and even a flippin supply closet of extra pens, refreshes your mind even IF the work is not super exciting. By having to put in that face time in that environment, I think our bodies and brains somehow naturally flip a switch into ''Ok this is work time, work is not who I am but I am here for a few hours to get this done''. Without that spatial boundary in which in a certain location we know to play a certain role for a designated time period, the work becomes a bigger psychic element than it should be. It's not compartmentalized into 'those hours, that place, those people', but rather this constant obligation to produce, at any cost, through any disruption, through space and time.
For me personally, finding a way to compartmentalize my job has been a real struggle that has affected other aspects of my goals and dreams. Not sure if you are in the same boat, but perhaps finding a co-working space, coffee, or library to work out of could help. It's possible that the situation you are already in could begin working, but might need some firm adjustments.
posted by winterportage at 9:23 AM on April 24, 2022 [5 favorites]
What I will say, though, is that working remotely has sapped nearly all my energy. A few years ago in the pre pandemic, I took a remote job in an IT company to try it out. I stayed there 2 years but after a time noticed my mental health, discipline, will power and motivation slid downwards. I ended up leaving that job for a new in-person job, and my happiness levels and generally being able to function as a human being went way up. Now that I'm in a forced work-from-home situation again, I've slid down into complacency, apathy, and nihilism. It's hard to describe all the ways that a short commute into a new environment, with a designated workspace, designated coworkers closeby, and even a flippin supply closet of extra pens, refreshes your mind even IF the work is not super exciting. By having to put in that face time in that environment, I think our bodies and brains somehow naturally flip a switch into ''Ok this is work time, work is not who I am but I am here for a few hours to get this done''. Without that spatial boundary in which in a certain location we know to play a certain role for a designated time period, the work becomes a bigger psychic element than it should be. It's not compartmentalized into 'those hours, that place, those people', but rather this constant obligation to produce, at any cost, through any disruption, through space and time.
For me personally, finding a way to compartmentalize my job has been a real struggle that has affected other aspects of my goals and dreams. Not sure if you are in the same boat, but perhaps finding a co-working space, coffee, or library to work out of could help. It's possible that the situation you are already in could begin working, but might need some firm adjustments.
posted by winterportage at 9:23 AM on April 24, 2022 [5 favorites]
So hey, The Artist's Way 12-week program may or may not be your thing, but I'm giving it a shot starting on May 8. I've posted an IRL event here on Metafilter for anyone interested in accountability and discussion.
posted by mochapickle at 10:18 AM on April 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by mochapickle at 10:18 AM on April 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks you all so much for your tips and stories.
@FencingGal I particularly like the ideas of starting small and using an hourglass. Also I never thought that the acute anxiety I have developed over the years is related to writing. There is definitely a correlation.
@winterportage We have regular in-person working days which I actually find quite unhelpful and draining. I understand your point about working remotely, I do have the space at home to work comfortably but will look into having one weekday working from a cafe or library.
@mochapickle Thanks for sharing, I was thinking of doing the Artist's Way. I might join you in May.
@moogs yes to morning pages!
posted by foxmardou at 1:15 AM on April 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
@FencingGal I particularly like the ideas of starting small and using an hourglass. Also I never thought that the acute anxiety I have developed over the years is related to writing. There is definitely a correlation.
@winterportage We have regular in-person working days which I actually find quite unhelpful and draining. I understand your point about working remotely, I do have the space at home to work comfortably but will look into having one weekday working from a cafe or library.
@mochapickle Thanks for sharing, I was thinking of doing the Artist's Way. I might join you in May.
@moogs yes to morning pages!
posted by foxmardou at 1:15 AM on April 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by moogs at 5:42 AM on April 24, 2022 [3 favorites]