CPTSD v EUPD (previously borderline personality disorder)
March 17, 2022 8:45 AM Subscribe
As per a previous post, I thought that I might be suffering from complex PTSD. However, after some further investigation I am finding I seem to match quite a few of the symptoms of EUPD as well (previously borderline personality disorder); most notably I feel I have an unstable sense of self, moodswings, self loathing and feelings of emptiness.
Does anyone know what, if any, are the differences between these two conditions?
In addition, does anyone know of any good books to read around EUPD (emotionally unstable personality disorder) that might help me begin looking after myself a little better? I'm in the process of seeking help, but would like to be able to self support in the interim.
Having skimmed your previous posts, are you sure you're not just dealing with depression? I ask, because as someone with a similar (but different) background, I have gone down a similar path, wondering if I have CPTSD or BPD, among many other things. However, I never had the extremes that hallmark Borderline Personality Disorder.
(I also had a roommate a couple years ago with professionally diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, and that disabused me of any notion that I had BPD. I lived there for 1.5 months before she kicked me out then begged me to come back. The manipulation was intense, and even though I didn't recognize exactly what it was at first, in retrospect, it was pretty obvious.)
I do have other psychiatric issues, but the thing that I'm preeeetty sure lead me down the path to wonder about BPD was just depression. The emptiness being apathy and anhedonia. The mood swings are just the barely holding together, cry at the drop of a hat or get angry symptom of depression. The unstable relationships was really social withdrawal and isolation common with depression.
I mean, it's kinda a bummer that it's such a common mental illness, especially given it could have been treated much sooner. But it's also a big relief.
I have ADHD, which your previous posting history suggests you think (or thought) you might. I personally think a short attention span has meant I can brighten up for short periods of time. (Its also common in depression with atypical features (which is actually the more common form of depression, despite the name.).) Depression is also often comorbid with ADHD.
For me, at least, understanding I didn't have borderline personality disorder was looking back and knowing I didn't always feel certain ways, the changes are recent in the last couple years, with previous periods of depressive episodes that were unrecognized. I do also have PTSD and possibly CPTSD, complicating the issue. But its becoming just crystal clear that the "what is wrong with me" spiral of self diagnosing is/was fueled by a certain self-hate/self-harm/negative self-confabulation thanks to garden variety depression.
As for resources, I highly recommend Dr. Tracey Marks' channel on Youtube. She covers a lot of psychiatric conditions, and she has a number on borderline personality disorder and CPTSD. Her videos are really clear and helpful. It actually helped me differentiate some symptoms of depression from ADHD; including indecisiveness, the "everything is hard" mindset, and sleeping in too much. On the surface, boy they looked a lot like adhd, but just were not, which was obvious once my depression lifted in the summer.
Not exactly what you asked, but do check out the videos by Dr. Tracey Marks at the very least. I'm certain even if you stick to her BPD and CPTSD videos that you will gain a lot from them.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 9:43 AM on March 17, 2022 [8 favorites]
(I also had a roommate a couple years ago with professionally diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder, and that disabused me of any notion that I had BPD. I lived there for 1.5 months before she kicked me out then begged me to come back. The manipulation was intense, and even though I didn't recognize exactly what it was at first, in retrospect, it was pretty obvious.)
I do have other psychiatric issues, but the thing that I'm preeeetty sure lead me down the path to wonder about BPD was just depression. The emptiness being apathy and anhedonia. The mood swings are just the barely holding together, cry at the drop of a hat or get angry symptom of depression. The unstable relationships was really social withdrawal and isolation common with depression.
I mean, it's kinda a bummer that it's such a common mental illness, especially given it could have been treated much sooner. But it's also a big relief.
I have ADHD, which your previous posting history suggests you think (or thought) you might. I personally think a short attention span has meant I can brighten up for short periods of time. (Its also common in depression with atypical features (which is actually the more common form of depression, despite the name.).) Depression is also often comorbid with ADHD.
For me, at least, understanding I didn't have borderline personality disorder was looking back and knowing I didn't always feel certain ways, the changes are recent in the last couple years, with previous periods of depressive episodes that were unrecognized. I do also have PTSD and possibly CPTSD, complicating the issue. But its becoming just crystal clear that the "what is wrong with me" spiral of self diagnosing is/was fueled by a certain self-hate/self-harm/negative self-confabulation thanks to garden variety depression.
As for resources, I highly recommend Dr. Tracey Marks' channel on Youtube. She covers a lot of psychiatric conditions, and she has a number on borderline personality disorder and CPTSD. Her videos are really clear and helpful. It actually helped me differentiate some symptoms of depression from ADHD; including indecisiveness, the "everything is hard" mindset, and sleeping in too much. On the surface, boy they looked a lot like adhd, but just were not, which was obvious once my depression lifted in the summer.
Not exactly what you asked, but do check out the videos by Dr. Tracey Marks at the very least. I'm certain even if you stick to her BPD and CPTSD videos that you will gain a lot from them.
posted by [insert clever name here] at 9:43 AM on March 17, 2022 [8 favorites]
You are not self supporting by trying to diagnose yourself, in fact it is self harm.
As a counter-argument, this statement here sounds like block-worthy gatekeeping and ableism to me, a many-times assessed and diagnosed brain problem haver.
Mental health professionals have more data than you, true, but they also have far fewer hours available to observe and assess your behavior than you do.
There is a point at which self-assessment becomes rumination and unproductive, but from this question and your posting history I have no idea if you're there yet.
I agree that distinguishing ADHD and CPTSD can be difficult, and really any of these conditions can be either comorbid with or mistaken for depression, which can complicate treatment.
Mental health diagnoses are useful for four things, imo: community-building (finding other people with issues like yours), treatment approaches (what worked for people like you might work for you), accommodation requests (i.e. I need X at work because Y), and billing codes for insurance. It's okay not to use the same labels for those four purposes, for a healthcare provider to use a more-severe label to ensure you can access more extensive care, or for you to try a treatment or support to see if it helps you, whether or not you identify with the label it's officially suggested for.
posted by All Might Be Well at 9:54 AM on March 17, 2022 [9 favorites]
As a counter-argument, this statement here sounds like block-worthy gatekeeping and ableism to me, a many-times assessed and diagnosed brain problem haver.
Mental health professionals have more data than you, true, but they also have far fewer hours available to observe and assess your behavior than you do.
There is a point at which self-assessment becomes rumination and unproductive, but from this question and your posting history I have no idea if you're there yet.
I agree that distinguishing ADHD and CPTSD can be difficult, and really any of these conditions can be either comorbid with or mistaken for depression, which can complicate treatment.
Mental health diagnoses are useful for four things, imo: community-building (finding other people with issues like yours), treatment approaches (what worked for people like you might work for you), accommodation requests (i.e. I need X at work because Y), and billing codes for insurance. It's okay not to use the same labels for those four purposes, for a healthcare provider to use a more-severe label to ensure you can access more extensive care, or for you to try a treatment or support to see if it helps you, whether or not you identify with the label it's officially suggested for.
posted by All Might Be Well at 9:54 AM on March 17, 2022 [9 favorites]
Does anyone know what, if any, are the differences between these two conditions?
Broadly (very broadly!!!), personality disorders are internally located and trauma disorders are a reaction to something external. This is an oversimplification! But I suspect that if I were your friend, I'd encourage you to pursue C-PTSD treatment and see if it helps before deciding that it's the wrong diagnosis, for pure Occam's Razor reasons. From a functional perspective, the symptoms of having a personality disorder and having a reaction to childhood abuse are so overlapping that the differences are almost immaterial (my sense is that a lot of people once diagnosed as BPD were actually trauma survivors). In the absence of a trauma you could clearly identify, therefore, I think it would make sense to consider EUPD. But you know you've gone through a difficult childhood with an abusive parent. You don't need to seek another reason, at least not until you're sure that addressing that trauma doesn't help. Self-loathing and an unstable sense of self may be personality disorder symptoms, but they're also pretty classic reactions to being emotionally undermined throughout your formative years!
posted by babelfish at 10:27 AM on March 17, 2022 [8 favorites]
Broadly (very broadly!!!), personality disorders are internally located and trauma disorders are a reaction to something external. This is an oversimplification! But I suspect that if I were your friend, I'd encourage you to pursue C-PTSD treatment and see if it helps before deciding that it's the wrong diagnosis, for pure Occam's Razor reasons. From a functional perspective, the symptoms of having a personality disorder and having a reaction to childhood abuse are so overlapping that the differences are almost immaterial (my sense is that a lot of people once diagnosed as BPD were actually trauma survivors). In the absence of a trauma you could clearly identify, therefore, I think it would make sense to consider EUPD. But you know you've gone through a difficult childhood with an abusive parent. You don't need to seek another reason, at least not until you're sure that addressing that trauma doesn't help. Self-loathing and an unstable sense of self may be personality disorder symptoms, but they're also pretty classic reactions to being emotionally undermined throughout your formative years!
posted by babelfish at 10:27 AM on March 17, 2022 [8 favorites]
I would also gently suggest that looking for an alternative, personality-based diagnosis might be a part of your trauma response. Consider whether it's hard for you to acknowledge that your childhood was traumatic and that this, and not some deep internal failing, is the reason why you're struggling now. Are you more comfortable with the idea that something is "wrong with you"* rather than that something wrong happened to you?
*this is again very much an oversimplification of personality disorders
posted by babelfish at 10:31 AM on March 17, 2022 [9 favorites]
*this is again very much an oversimplification of personality disorders
posted by babelfish at 10:31 AM on March 17, 2022 [9 favorites]
I skimmed your earlier questions and in one of them you said all of you kids show signs of some form of PTSD and that your family was dysfunctional and abusive, so I'm going to agree with the posters who are saying that it's really worth pursuing the trauma-based treatment.
One thing I want to mention is that when you're a kid, your parents define your world and it's very common to pick up what some communities call "fleas" from them - ways of interacting in the world and with others that resemble our family-of-origin's disorders. So for example, my mother has narcissistic issues, and I learned that what women in a family do is throw fits to get other people to do things.
Once I understood the damage to me that caused and that it's not a necessary way to get your needs met (and also, you don't have to be unconditionally right/obeyed as a need) it was not spectacularly easy for me to change, but it wasn't incredibly difficult or gut wrenching either. Because while I definitely have narcissistic wounds in me and can react badly, give me a few deep breaths and I can re-orient in a way my mother, without professional support, truly cannot, or cannot consistently, because her disorder is focused around that, where mine is not.
Another thing to note is that there are a cluster of symptoms that have come under PTSD/CPTSD, BPD, and dissociative disorders, and to be brutally frank, in my view, which you get first may be more about diagnostic trends and diagnosticians than an ability for assessment tools to pick the right one on the first go. The question for you is what improves your life the most first, and also what helps you move through your life in a way that you consider ethical and enjoyable.
I was diagnosed with DID/MPD a long time ago and now a lot of people would probably say that was a made-up thing - but knowing my(our)self/ves, that diagnosis was the game changer that helped me the most, and I know other multiples who really are multiple to my observations who also have thrived through that diagnosis. Research backs this up, although honestly, even if it didn't, I am able to be present in my life and for my family in a positive way, so I wouldn't actually care. The average length of time it used to take to be correctly diagnosed was around seven years (hopefully that is changing.)
So I would go very slowly about embracing any diagnosis until you have had a chance to work through more of your trauma. Untangling things takes time and you know you meet the criteria of having trauma in your past for sure, so that's a good, solid base to start from.
posted by warriorqueen at 10:54 AM on March 17, 2022 [14 favorites]
One thing I want to mention is that when you're a kid, your parents define your world and it's very common to pick up what some communities call "fleas" from them - ways of interacting in the world and with others that resemble our family-of-origin's disorders. So for example, my mother has narcissistic issues, and I learned that what women in a family do is throw fits to get other people to do things.
Once I understood the damage to me that caused and that it's not a necessary way to get your needs met (and also, you don't have to be unconditionally right/obeyed as a need) it was not spectacularly easy for me to change, but it wasn't incredibly difficult or gut wrenching either. Because while I definitely have narcissistic wounds in me and can react badly, give me a few deep breaths and I can re-orient in a way my mother, without professional support, truly cannot, or cannot consistently, because her disorder is focused around that, where mine is not.
Another thing to note is that there are a cluster of symptoms that have come under PTSD/CPTSD, BPD, and dissociative disorders, and to be brutally frank, in my view, which you get first may be more about diagnostic trends and diagnosticians than an ability for assessment tools to pick the right one on the first go. The question for you is what improves your life the most first, and also what helps you move through your life in a way that you consider ethical and enjoyable.
I was diagnosed with DID/MPD a long time ago and now a lot of people would probably say that was a made-up thing - but knowing my(our)self/ves, that diagnosis was the game changer that helped me the most, and I know other multiples who really are multiple to my observations who also have thrived through that diagnosis. Research backs this up, although honestly, even if it didn't, I am able to be present in my life and for my family in a positive way, so I wouldn't actually care. The average length of time it used to take to be correctly diagnosed was around seven years (hopefully that is changing.)
So I would go very slowly about embracing any diagnosis until you have had a chance to work through more of your trauma. Untangling things takes time and you know you meet the criteria of having trauma in your past for sure, so that's a good, solid base to start from.
posted by warriorqueen at 10:54 AM on March 17, 2022 [14 favorites]
I have been diagnosed with both CPTSD and BPD (didn't know there had been a name change!) but in my case many of the symptoms overlap and BPD is often a result of a stressful childhood or prolonged trauma so I have mostly been treated with DBT (which is the most effective treatment for BPD) and supplemented with additional trauma based therapy. I worked with an EMDR therapist for a while and have recently started work with a therapist who uses ACT as her mode of treatment. (I am also on medication for anxiety and bipolar disorder. I should be a case study.) To be honest (and I have asked a question about this before if you want to check my ask history), I feel like the labels are less important than finding a treatment method that best helps your particular symptoms, as that is the most important thing, especially since there is some overlap in the symptoms of both disorders.
posted by nayantara at 11:15 AM on March 17, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by nayantara at 11:15 AM on March 17, 2022 [5 favorites]
Wow, I'm astonished by the clarity of warriorqueen's answer, above. I am in the exact same position: I have a diagnosis of D.I.D.; it manifests nothing like it's depicted in popular culture, and C-PTSD works basically as well as a diagnosis in terms of getting me help and allowing me to understand and manage my internal experience.
I also have wondered about BPD, and my therapist has pushed back on that fairly strongly - not just because the personality disorders are less tractable than trauma-based disorders, but because an accurate diagnosis of B.P.D. isn't just about how you feel inside; it's also about external behavior. The repeated suicide attempts, self-harm, and threats of both; the predictably explosive reactions that sabotage interpersonal relationships...these are all important parts of a BPD diagnosis.
posted by Merricat Blackwood at 11:23 AM on March 17, 2022 [2 favorites]
I also have wondered about BPD, and my therapist has pushed back on that fairly strongly - not just because the personality disorders are less tractable than trauma-based disorders, but because an accurate diagnosis of B.P.D. isn't just about how you feel inside; it's also about external behavior. The repeated suicide attempts, self-harm, and threats of both; the predictably explosive reactions that sabotage interpersonal relationships...these are all important parts of a BPD diagnosis.
posted by Merricat Blackwood at 11:23 AM on March 17, 2022 [2 favorites]
Lots of good info here already.
Cptsd and BPD obviously share some elements. One element I see in pop culture around BPD that I don't with cptsd is the idea of a "favorite person." That's not in the professional material about BPD but is a common dynamic.
BPD can be caused by trauma. So can cPTSD. PTSD has less stigma and can get you help without the sort of unfortunate eye rolling and negative assumptions that come with the other label.
I'm officially diagnosed with generalized anxiety but have been undergoing treatment for dissociative parts of the personality. Might be cPTSD. Who knows. BPD and cPTSD bare both considered at the same tier for fragmented personalities. Attachment trauma can manifest in the same profile.
I agree to focus on what treatment helps vs labels unless there is a specific utilitarian reason for the label.
posted by crunchy potato at 3:11 PM on March 17, 2022
Cptsd and BPD obviously share some elements. One element I see in pop culture around BPD that I don't with cptsd is the idea of a "favorite person." That's not in the professional material about BPD but is a common dynamic.
BPD can be caused by trauma. So can cPTSD. PTSD has less stigma and can get you help without the sort of unfortunate eye rolling and negative assumptions that come with the other label.
I'm officially diagnosed with generalized anxiety but have been undergoing treatment for dissociative parts of the personality. Might be cPTSD. Who knows. BPD and cPTSD bare both considered at the same tier for fragmented personalities. Attachment trauma can manifest in the same profile.
I agree to focus on what treatment helps vs labels unless there is a specific utilitarian reason for the label.
posted by crunchy potato at 3:11 PM on March 17, 2022
Best answer: I think the current understanding of borderline personality disorder is that it represents a deeply in-grained, maladaptive coping response to major childhood trauma that interfered with normal development of personality and especially attachment. So, it would make sense that if you experienced that kind of childhood trauma you would have developed at least some of the same symptoms even if you manged to avoid the external behavior problems that are part of the diagnostic definition of BPD (as Merricat pointed out.)
Separate from trauma focused therapy for the C_PTSD, If you are looking for more practical skills to manage the emotional swings and related behaviors, you might check out Dialectical Behavior Therapy. DBT is a skills oriented approach that has proven effectiveness for people who struggle with emotion regulation. It is often taught as a class plus one on one counseling over 6 months focused on mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness. You can find books and other resources that might help you learn some of the skills on your own, if you are functioning well enough to do self-help - although for most people this is hard enough to do with lots of support, trying to learn it on your own may not be realistic.
posted by metahawk at 3:24 PM on March 17, 2022 [5 favorites]
Separate from trauma focused therapy for the C_PTSD, If you are looking for more practical skills to manage the emotional swings and related behaviors, you might check out Dialectical Behavior Therapy. DBT is a skills oriented approach that has proven effectiveness for people who struggle with emotion regulation. It is often taught as a class plus one on one counseling over 6 months focused on mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation and interpersonal effectiveness. You can find books and other resources that might help you learn some of the skills on your own, if you are functioning well enough to do self-help - although for most people this is hard enough to do with lots of support, trying to learn it on your own may not be realistic.
posted by metahawk at 3:24 PM on March 17, 2022 [5 favorites]
I was diagnosed with BPD a decade ago, and have more recently been diagnosed with CPTSD and a dissociative disorder. (Not quite DID, but a lot of similar features. Basically, I don't have the amnesia that is associated with a full blown DID diagnosis.) For the record, my current therapist and I both agree the BPD was an incorrect diagnosis.
IANAClinician, but I've spent a lot of time in therapy (see above) and learned a lot about BPD specifically. I think there can be an unstable sense of self in both CPTSD and BPD, but the way I often see this described in BPD is more like, "sense of self changes based on environment/other people". Also, obviously CPTSD can also have sense of abandonment, but CPTSD seems to be more focused on the "pushing people away/avoiding any close relationships" whereas BPD is more about the intolerance of being alone, so someone with BPD would be more likely to have a series of drama filled, "stormy" relationships, whereas someone with CPTSD would be more likely to avoid romantic relationships. Also, with BPD, that self harm/suicide attempts/suicidal ideation tends to present as a response to perceived abandonment or as a form of manipulation to get people to care for that person/not leave them. Whereas for myself, the self harm/suicidal ideation I used to experience were something I kept very private, and they weren't related to being abandoned. They were just related to me really hating myself/my life. Also BPD has that classic I hate you/don't leave me thing for a reason. Like one day they may decide someone is their favorite person ever and the next something will trigger them to decide they hate that person. But ultimately, these are just sort of simple stereotypes. But I do think it gets at some of the ways in which the diagnoses differ. There's a bit more nuance to it than the simplistic language used in the DSM.
Honestly, it's not a perfect science. I basically knew they would diagnosis me with BPD once they heard about my self destructive history and I mentioned being afraid of abandonment. At the time, I was okay with that, because for a number of years, I was really in denial about how profoundly trauma had shaped and warped me as a person.
With all that being said, I'll nth warriorqueen. The diagnosis matters only insofar as it gets you treatment that helps. I did several years of BPD treatment, and it didn't help me at all. This included a lot of DBT, but I did other group/individual treatment as well. I mean, I did manage to get sober during this time, but mostly I just learned how to shove my deep seated issues so far down that I could present as a reasonably sane person. I've also done lots of more general CBT, as well as ACT. I've learned the lingo, I know the skills, and I know lots of people who have benefited from this therapy. In my case, they were useless.
The dissociative disorder stuff only very, very recently got diagnosed, but frankly, in just a month of starting treatment specifically for that, I've already benefitted more than I did in the previous 5 years i spent in therapy (not all continuous...I took a break for awhile).
Frankly, I have some thoughts/feelings about the way BPD gets diagnosed. In some ways, it's the low hanging fruit if you have a young woman with a history of self harm (this applied to me, not saying it applies to you).
Personally, if I could do it all over again, I would definitely start with a therapist who is trauma informed. Then if that isn't enough, start exploring the BPD angle. Because it was actively harmful for me in a lot of ways to do treatment with therapists who basically ignored the elephant in the room (aka my very traumatic childhood).
posted by litera scripta manet at 4:36 PM on March 17, 2022 [6 favorites]
IANAClinician, but I've spent a lot of time in therapy (see above) and learned a lot about BPD specifically. I think there can be an unstable sense of self in both CPTSD and BPD, but the way I often see this described in BPD is more like, "sense of self changes based on environment/other people". Also, obviously CPTSD can also have sense of abandonment, but CPTSD seems to be more focused on the "pushing people away/avoiding any close relationships" whereas BPD is more about the intolerance of being alone, so someone with BPD would be more likely to have a series of drama filled, "stormy" relationships, whereas someone with CPTSD would be more likely to avoid romantic relationships. Also, with BPD, that self harm/suicide attempts/suicidal ideation tends to present as a response to perceived abandonment or as a form of manipulation to get people to care for that person/not leave them. Whereas for myself, the self harm/suicidal ideation I used to experience were something I kept very private, and they weren't related to being abandoned. They were just related to me really hating myself/my life. Also BPD has that classic I hate you/don't leave me thing for a reason. Like one day they may decide someone is their favorite person ever and the next something will trigger them to decide they hate that person. But ultimately, these are just sort of simple stereotypes. But I do think it gets at some of the ways in which the diagnoses differ. There's a bit more nuance to it than the simplistic language used in the DSM.
Honestly, it's not a perfect science. I basically knew they would diagnosis me with BPD once they heard about my self destructive history and I mentioned being afraid of abandonment. At the time, I was okay with that, because for a number of years, I was really in denial about how profoundly trauma had shaped and warped me as a person.
With all that being said, I'll nth warriorqueen. The diagnosis matters only insofar as it gets you treatment that helps. I did several years of BPD treatment, and it didn't help me at all. This included a lot of DBT, but I did other group/individual treatment as well. I mean, I did manage to get sober during this time, but mostly I just learned how to shove my deep seated issues so far down that I could present as a reasonably sane person. I've also done lots of more general CBT, as well as ACT. I've learned the lingo, I know the skills, and I know lots of people who have benefited from this therapy. In my case, they were useless.
The dissociative disorder stuff only very, very recently got diagnosed, but frankly, in just a month of starting treatment specifically for that, I've already benefitted more than I did in the previous 5 years i spent in therapy (not all continuous...I took a break for awhile).
Frankly, I have some thoughts/feelings about the way BPD gets diagnosed. In some ways, it's the low hanging fruit if you have a young woman with a history of self harm (this applied to me, not saying it applies to you).
Personally, if I could do it all over again, I would definitely start with a therapist who is trauma informed. Then if that isn't enough, start exploring the BPD angle. Because it was actively harmful for me in a lot of ways to do treatment with therapists who basically ignored the elephant in the room (aka my very traumatic childhood).
posted by litera scripta manet at 4:36 PM on March 17, 2022 [6 favorites]
Response by poster: The reason I think that it's not just depression is that I have what feels like trauma level of fear reactions to authority figures. Throughout my entire career I've been terrified of my managers; I can't function for the whole day after a meeting with my current manager (she's my age) who I find overwhelmingly dominating and overbearing. Part of that is a normal reaction but it feels excessive.
I also have terrible self loathing and retroactive jealousy in relationships to OCD level. I experience moodswings and fits of rage where I hit myself, though I have never seriously self harmed.
These are a few of the things that make me think that what is going on for me is more than depression.
posted by Sunflower88 at 5:44 AM on March 18, 2022 [1 favorite]
I also have terrible self loathing and retroactive jealousy in relationships to OCD level. I experience moodswings and fits of rage where I hit myself, though I have never seriously self harmed.
These are a few of the things that make me think that what is going on for me is more than depression.
posted by Sunflower88 at 5:44 AM on March 18, 2022 [1 favorite]
My mother basically forced (please don't ask me to define/explain "forced") a bipolar II diagnosis on me at a young age. I'm going to skip the background, but let's just say there are a LOT of check marks on the adverse childhood experiences list. My mother herself had a bipolar II diagnosis, but probably had BPD, and definitely had a LOT of narcissistic tendencies.
After years of not being medicated, neglecting my mental health, and just general... yeah... I ended up in a psychiatric ward battling suicidality. My mother comes to "support" me, and yet again, I end up with a bipolar II diagnosis. I eventually found a medication regime that seems to treat most of my major symptoms (mostly emotional instability). One psychiatrist moved out of state, and referred me to another, who I've been seeing for many years now. When I started seeing her, I didn't "meet the criteria" for PTSD. We discussed the possibility of remission, but as so much of my memory was repressed, I never really sought treatment for the PTSD. The meds seemed to be "working" so I accepted the bipolar diagnosis and moved on.
Flash forward 5 or so years and some things happen with my sister/her kids that TRIGGERS me. Rumination, flashbacks, anger, the whole bit.... Talking to my psychiatrist, I've learned a couple of things:
- CPTSD can present with the symptoms of other psychiatric disorders, primarily dissociative, personality, and emotional disregulation disorders. A child with a background like mine commonly presents with similar symptoms to the mentally ill parent. These aren't so much "symptoms" as they are "adaptations", things we learned/internalized early to cope with the chaos around us.
- The bipolar medication works because my symptoms are primarily depression and emotional disregulation.
I kinda wish I had the CPTSD diagnosis earlier, and hadn't just "carried" my mother's forced diagnosis with me into adulthood. I'm nearing in on 40, and have just agreed with my psychiatrist to see a therapist for the CPTSD, and we'll work on minimizing, if not eliminating the antipsychotic I have been taking for over 15years. If you suspect you have CPTSD -or- something else, and you have a history of an abusive childhood/adolescence, start exploring the CPTSD idea first. Understand there's not really a "typical" experience of CPTSD because all of our trauma, and our responses to it are individual.
I wish you comfort, and offer my Memail if you want to talk.
posted by MuChao at 5:39 PM on March 18, 2022 [3 favorites]
After years of not being medicated, neglecting my mental health, and just general... yeah... I ended up in a psychiatric ward battling suicidality. My mother comes to "support" me, and yet again, I end up with a bipolar II diagnosis. I eventually found a medication regime that seems to treat most of my major symptoms (mostly emotional instability). One psychiatrist moved out of state, and referred me to another, who I've been seeing for many years now. When I started seeing her, I didn't "meet the criteria" for PTSD. We discussed the possibility of remission, but as so much of my memory was repressed, I never really sought treatment for the PTSD. The meds seemed to be "working" so I accepted the bipolar diagnosis and moved on.
Flash forward 5 or so years and some things happen with my sister/her kids that TRIGGERS me. Rumination, flashbacks, anger, the whole bit.... Talking to my psychiatrist, I've learned a couple of things:
- CPTSD can present with the symptoms of other psychiatric disorders, primarily dissociative, personality, and emotional disregulation disorders. A child with a background like mine commonly presents with similar symptoms to the mentally ill parent. These aren't so much "symptoms" as they are "adaptations", things we learned/internalized early to cope with the chaos around us.
- The bipolar medication works because my symptoms are primarily depression and emotional disregulation.
I kinda wish I had the CPTSD diagnosis earlier, and hadn't just "carried" my mother's forced diagnosis with me into adulthood. I'm nearing in on 40, and have just agreed with my psychiatrist to see a therapist for the CPTSD, and we'll work on minimizing, if not eliminating the antipsychotic I have been taking for over 15years. If you suspect you have CPTSD -or- something else, and you have a history of an abusive childhood/adolescence, start exploring the CPTSD idea first. Understand there's not really a "typical" experience of CPTSD because all of our trauma, and our responses to it are individual.
I wish you comfort, and offer my Memail if you want to talk.
posted by MuChao at 5:39 PM on March 18, 2022 [3 favorites]
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(Ask me how I know! Ok I'll tell you. I did this myself for years and I suffered needlessly without the right treatment.)
posted by pazazygeek at 8:55 AM on March 17, 2022 [1 favorite]