Who got over their ex?
March 6, 2022 1:24 AM Subscribe
I'm ready to stop occasional daydreams about a person I broke up with ten years ago, in difficult times that weren't their fault. It's been very easy to be nostalgic about the good times with them and part of me always thought we'd get back together. I'm ready to accept that reunion with this 'first love' this isn't going to happen, even if I felt it was 'meant to be'.
Do you have novels or articles about accepting this?
Thank you!
SPOILER for the first season of the Netflix show “Love Life.”
This features for at least an episode or two of the first season story arc of the Netflix show Love Life, but the protagonist does get back together with an early love, and it doesn’t evolve the way she expected based on how excellent and cherished their relationship had been 10 years prior. It’s worth a watch, perhaps, because it may help remind you that the reunion you envision in your head might be different from what would come to play if an actual reunion were to come about.
posted by slateyness at 9:29 AM on March 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
This features for at least an episode or two of the first season story arc of the Netflix show Love Life, but the protagonist does get back together with an early love, and it doesn’t evolve the way she expected based on how excellent and cherished their relationship had been 10 years prior. It’s worth a watch, perhaps, because it may help remind you that the reunion you envision in your head might be different from what would come to play if an actual reunion were to come about.
posted by slateyness at 9:29 AM on March 6, 2022 [1 favorite]
One thing that helps is to not indulge in it when it comes up. You might think on them fondly, but rather than going down that mental route and imagining how it would be and that, find something else to daydream about and nudge yourself onto that path instead. It's less about breaking some deep seated emotional longing and more about finding a new habit for your default warm fuzzies. Fictional characters are great for this.
posted by Lady Li at 10:22 AM on March 6, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by Lady Li at 10:22 AM on March 6, 2022 [3 favorites]
Are movies/TV okay? I just watched Asako I & II for my film club and HOO BOY if you ever wanted to see some downsides of remembering your ex a little too fondly, this could be a good one to check out. I watched it on the Criterion Channel streaming app, not sure where else it might be streaming.
posted by helloimjennsco at 6:58 AM on March 7, 2022
posted by helloimjennsco at 6:58 AM on March 7, 2022
Ah, sorry, didn't point you at my references, like you asked for. I'd suggest you look at tips for habit and thought pattern change - I think CBT is good for thought patterns, but any sort of how to change your habits is going to be somewhat relevant. "Occasional daydreams" reads to me that addressing the thought pattern may be more useful, if you were avoiding relationships and unwilling to take actions in your life, say, because you were convinced this person was your only love, you may want something somewhat different.
posted by Lady Li at 2:31 PM on March 7, 2022
posted by Lady Li at 2:31 PM on March 7, 2022
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Good luck - I have gotten better about daydreaming but unfortunately it's the dreams at night that sometimes kick my butt.
posted by wannabecounselor at 3:58 AM on March 6, 2022