Take an isolating seat assignment or keep being miserable?
October 19, 2021 5:23 AM Subscribe
My seating assignment in our open office was making me miserable, and sick. My manager's attempt to fix this by moving me actually made it worse. Now they're offering another situation that would help in many ways, but be incredibly isolating and I already feel like I don't fit in.
The (very) long version:
The office is completely open one floor with long row desks, about 4000 people. Open air kitchens in three locations. VERY noisy and no real escaping food smells.
My team is in one of the very few semi enclosed areas, between an outer wall and a kitchen, with just enough room for two rows of desks. It's also nearly a hallways, being near a bathroom and several classrooms. There are guest groups of 50+ twice a week that come through the area and use the kitchen as well.
I am extra extra sensitive to noise, but I've been coping by cranking my headphones up (my role allows me to wear them 90% of the time). What I can't block out is the voices of people next to me – and sometimes I just don't want to feel forced to wear my headphones! Or have a headache I'm trying to prevent turning into a migraine.
Even worse, I was less than ten feet away from the kitchen. The smell of coffee makes me gag, microwave popcorn makes me sick. Literally: I had to go home twice after an asthma attack, and was using my additional inhaler at least once a week to cope.
When I first complained, I was offered a seat on the other side of the table – so about three feet further away. Not helpful. After months I was switched with a coworker on the other side of the table, about five seats down the length. Again, not enough distance to make any difference health wise. It was also super awkward, since I was the only person and moves and everyone wanted to know why they didn't get to move, the other person wasn't happy about it, and I wasn't consulted beforehand.
It's so much worse. The level of chatter from seatmates is way more frequent and loud - and one of them is naturally extra loud. He can't help it and is a nice person, but it is literally impossible to drown him out. The smell triggers have not changed one bit, now with the addition of bad body odor. To top it off, this station has smaller monitors and this directly affects how fast I can do my job (and thus, my possible bonus). IT refuses to change them out. I don't have funds to buy my own. The person at my old desk doesn't want to trade them.
Complaining made everything worse, so I've been trying to put up with it, but finally told my manager this wasn't better. Their solution? I could go to a different area (about five rows away) to an empty section and sit there.
Pluses: Larger monitors. Quieter. No direct neighbors. Greatly reduced trigger scents.
Minuses: isolation. I would be the only person at a row desk designed for fifteen people. I couldn't even see my team.
I was told I'd still be part of the team since I could join the daily meeting and talk over teams in chats. Basically working from home (which I did for a year and a half with this company, but is no longer allowed), but in office.
I'm already isolated from the team. Wearing headphones so much doesn't help, but I'm also both very shy and very private. I don't do anything exciting to talk about (or go party and get drunk), and I'm ten+ years older than 90% of the people on my team. Including my manager. I don't match the general work ethic – I prefer to find other projects when it's slow, vs socializing. Or take advantage of less competition and snag more work (piece based, bonuses over x amount. I sit around 100 daily, most of the team sits at 70ish.). I try not to say anything about that stuff because no one like a killjoy, but I'm still annoyed when it feels like they aren't pulling their weight.
I've tried to make more advances, but I seldom get responses in group chat unless it's a cat picture. Other than the new people, no one says hello or goodbye; they wouldn't even eat cookies I brought in for everyone (but other people's offerings are always eaten?). No one even asked if I was ok when loudly wheezing from asthma attacks, or when I had one of my paralyzing migraines (can't hold my head up, can't move my arms, can't walk in a straight line or without stumbling. Feels like it's really noticeable, but maybe not?)
I'm prone to easily feeling rejected so I've tried to tell myself a lot of this is in my head/not about me/would be better if I put in more effort. It's still incredibly demoralize. Moving to an area where I wouldn't be interacting at all? I might as well be invisible.
The one bright spot is the new people – I really enjoy helping people with our complex system and weird cases. Because I am right there and never act like they are annoying me, I'm the primary person they ask for help. Asking over teams is much more work, and having to walk over to help is more likely to make them feel like they're bothering someone.
Take the new spot, or not? Additional ways to deal with downsides for either? Another solution to take to my manager? (Or higher up, but I like my manager and don't want to go over their head.)
The (very) long version:
The office is completely open one floor with long row desks, about 4000 people. Open air kitchens in three locations. VERY noisy and no real escaping food smells.
My team is in one of the very few semi enclosed areas, between an outer wall and a kitchen, with just enough room for two rows of desks. It's also nearly a hallways, being near a bathroom and several classrooms. There are guest groups of 50+ twice a week that come through the area and use the kitchen as well.
I am extra extra sensitive to noise, but I've been coping by cranking my headphones up (my role allows me to wear them 90% of the time). What I can't block out is the voices of people next to me – and sometimes I just don't want to feel forced to wear my headphones! Or have a headache I'm trying to prevent turning into a migraine.
Even worse, I was less than ten feet away from the kitchen. The smell of coffee makes me gag, microwave popcorn makes me sick. Literally: I had to go home twice after an asthma attack, and was using my additional inhaler at least once a week to cope.
When I first complained, I was offered a seat on the other side of the table – so about three feet further away. Not helpful. After months I was switched with a coworker on the other side of the table, about five seats down the length. Again, not enough distance to make any difference health wise. It was also super awkward, since I was the only person and moves and everyone wanted to know why they didn't get to move, the other person wasn't happy about it, and I wasn't consulted beforehand.
It's so much worse. The level of chatter from seatmates is way more frequent and loud - and one of them is naturally extra loud. He can't help it and is a nice person, but it is literally impossible to drown him out. The smell triggers have not changed one bit, now with the addition of bad body odor. To top it off, this station has smaller monitors and this directly affects how fast I can do my job (and thus, my possible bonus). IT refuses to change them out. I don't have funds to buy my own. The person at my old desk doesn't want to trade them.
Complaining made everything worse, so I've been trying to put up with it, but finally told my manager this wasn't better. Their solution? I could go to a different area (about five rows away) to an empty section and sit there.
Pluses: Larger monitors. Quieter. No direct neighbors. Greatly reduced trigger scents.
Minuses: isolation. I would be the only person at a row desk designed for fifteen people. I couldn't even see my team.
I was told I'd still be part of the team since I could join the daily meeting and talk over teams in chats. Basically working from home (which I did for a year and a half with this company, but is no longer allowed), but in office.
I'm already isolated from the team. Wearing headphones so much doesn't help, but I'm also both very shy and very private. I don't do anything exciting to talk about (or go party and get drunk), and I'm ten+ years older than 90% of the people on my team. Including my manager. I don't match the general work ethic – I prefer to find other projects when it's slow, vs socializing. Or take advantage of less competition and snag more work (piece based, bonuses over x amount. I sit around 100 daily, most of the team sits at 70ish.). I try not to say anything about that stuff because no one like a killjoy, but I'm still annoyed when it feels like they aren't pulling their weight.
I've tried to make more advances, but I seldom get responses in group chat unless it's a cat picture. Other than the new people, no one says hello or goodbye; they wouldn't even eat cookies I brought in for everyone (but other people's offerings are always eaten?). No one even asked if I was ok when loudly wheezing from asthma attacks, or when I had one of my paralyzing migraines (can't hold my head up, can't move my arms, can't walk in a straight line or without stumbling. Feels like it's really noticeable, but maybe not?)
I'm prone to easily feeling rejected so I've tried to tell myself a lot of this is in my head/not about me/would be better if I put in more effort. It's still incredibly demoralize. Moving to an area where I wouldn't be interacting at all? I might as well be invisible.
The one bright spot is the new people – I really enjoy helping people with our complex system and weird cases. Because I am right there and never act like they are annoying me, I'm the primary person they ask for help. Asking over teams is much more work, and having to walk over to help is more likely to make them feel like they're bothering someone.
Take the new spot, or not? Additional ways to deal with downsides for either? Another solution to take to my manager? (Or higher up, but I like my manager and don't want to go over their head.)
Take the new spot, tell your team why you're moving and say you don't want to be a stranger, send more cat pictures in the group chat, set a reminder on your computer to get up and walk over to your team once an hour to ask a question (made up if necessary), or offer to make drinks/fetch snacks. If you can afford financially to drop your productivity during slack periods for a while, give in and go with the socialising flow for a bit at those times.
Be prepared for the fact that more of the team might request to also move to the new nice, quiet spot and the problem will follow you.
posted by penguin pie at 5:44 AM on October 19, 2021 [18 favorites]
Be prepared for the fact that more of the team might request to also move to the new nice, quiet spot and the problem will follow you.
posted by penguin pie at 5:44 AM on October 19, 2021 [18 favorites]
Take the new spot, focus on your work. With the reduced cognitive load, work on finding a new job that is less exhausting and terrible.
posted by rockindata at 5:47 AM on October 19, 2021 [22 favorites]
posted by rockindata at 5:47 AM on October 19, 2021 [22 favorites]
This sounds stressful and like it is not a good long term environment for you. But while you are there, it seems more beneficial to move to a spot that is likely to be more comfortable. It doesn't seem like you will reap any social benefits from staying in your current location. And keep in my mind the new spot may not always be empty, so it may be prudent to take advantage of some peace there, while it's available.
posted by fies at 5:47 AM on October 19, 2021 [8 favorites]
posted by fies at 5:47 AM on October 19, 2021 [8 favorites]
So... you complained to your manager about an awful work environment, your manager tried to fix it (twice!), and you're rejecting your manager's proposed solutions? Do you have a concrete proposal for a better solution, and have you communicated it to your manager?
posted by heatherlogan at 6:50 AM on October 19, 2021 [27 favorites]
posted by heatherlogan at 6:50 AM on October 19, 2021 [27 favorites]
I think they didn't eat your cookies because you've been wheezing and appearing sick at work, and we're in a pandemic. Take the new spot, do your job, feel better, and when there are group things to participate in get up and go hang out with folks.
posted by phunniemee at 6:52 AM on October 19, 2021 [21 favorites]
posted by phunniemee at 6:52 AM on October 19, 2021 [21 favorites]
Your workplace sounds like a sensory hellscape.
Take the new spot. 100%. Take the new spot. Tell the team you're moving to put an end to the constant migraines. Invite the new people explicitly to come and ask you things whenever. Keep the cat pictures flowing.
It's possible the social side of things will improve when you're sitting somewhere that's less of a strain for you. It's a great deal easier to be sociable when you aren't having to use 95% of your mental processing power to cope with sensory overload.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 7:00 AM on October 19, 2021 [15 favorites]
Take the new spot. 100%. Take the new spot. Tell the team you're moving to put an end to the constant migraines. Invite the new people explicitly to come and ask you things whenever. Keep the cat pictures flowing.
It's possible the social side of things will improve when you're sitting somewhere that's less of a strain for you. It's a great deal easier to be sociable when you aren't having to use 95% of your mental processing power to cope with sensory overload.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 7:00 AM on October 19, 2021 [15 favorites]
You have to take the new spot. So take it and then work on the other stuff bit by bit as it comes up. Some of the things you mentioned might be problematic and others might be less so. Your work environment sounds awful. It doesn’t surprise me that it’s full of young people. They have lower standards, are often able to task switch a bit easier but there’s no way that for many of them that environment doesn’t burn them out over time or affect their ability to produce quality work. You employer seems to have chosen quantity over quality. Take the spot, enjoy the slight improvements and see if it helps clear your head, look for a different job environment.
posted by amanda at 7:06 AM on October 19, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by amanda at 7:06 AM on October 19, 2021 [1 favorite]
Take the new spot. Start looking for a new job that allows you to work remotely.
posted by Juniper Toast at 7:18 AM on October 19, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by Juniper Toast at 7:18 AM on October 19, 2021 [5 favorites]
I would guess that your sensory discomfort is evident to your coworkers--it's hard to hide that kind of thing long-term. That may be making them more reluctant to engage with you, either from unease or from a reluctance to burden you further. If you yourself can appear more relaxed and comfortable by moving away from the team, you may also seem more approachable when you do engage with them.
posted by praemunire at 7:39 AM on October 19, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 7:39 AM on October 19, 2021 [4 favorites]
You are already self isolating as much as possible, so take the new spot, for the monitors alone.
I would consider this as a possibly temporary solution and just enjoy the peace and quiet while you have it. An open area as described might be taken over by a new team, or other people will see you and try to relocate themselves close to you.
I will say there is a disconnect between "I keep head phones on all day long" and your complaints of feeling not part of the team. Headphones convey a message of "don't bother me", so that there will be more friendliness within the group that chats with each other.
If you want to create better interactions, one thought is to use the move to your advantage. Once or twice a day, take a walk to the team area and make a little small talk (great small talk topic is "Did you/are you going to do anything fun over the weekend?") ...
But, nothing is wrong with keeping to your self. You don't need to be part of the social club if you don't want to.
good luck!
posted by rhonzo at 8:29 AM on October 19, 2021 [3 favorites]
I would consider this as a possibly temporary solution and just enjoy the peace and quiet while you have it. An open area as described might be taken over by a new team, or other people will see you and try to relocate themselves close to you.
I will say there is a disconnect between "I keep head phones on all day long" and your complaints of feeling not part of the team. Headphones convey a message of "don't bother me", so that there will be more friendliness within the group that chats with each other.
If you want to create better interactions, one thought is to use the move to your advantage. Once or twice a day, take a walk to the team area and make a little small talk (great small talk topic is "Did you/are you going to do anything fun over the weekend?") ...
But, nothing is wrong with keeping to your self. You don't need to be part of the social club if you don't want to.
good luck!
posted by rhonzo at 8:29 AM on October 19, 2021 [3 favorites]
You're not complaining, you're getting reasonable accommodation for a disability. Asthma is no joke.
If you're getting bonuses for going 40% above average, you're over performing vs them under performance.
Take the seat, enjoy the freedom, make money, go home and do something fun at night
posted by Jacen at 8:39 AM on October 19, 2021 [9 favorites]
If you're getting bonuses for going 40% above average, you're over performing vs them under performance.
Take the seat, enjoy the freedom, make money, go home and do something fun at night
posted by Jacen at 8:39 AM on October 19, 2021 [9 favorites]
In addition to communicating why you are moving and that you want to ensure they know they are welcome to come speak to you and ask for help, I would tell your colleagues that they are welcome to come sit near you (but not too close, that defeats the purpose) if they need their own peace and quiet - I'd even see if there were some spare monitors to set up close-but-not-too-close-by to make a bit of a hot-desking situation for people who need a bit of tranquility and want to get away from the distractions. Put out a bowl of candy or some fidget toys to reward people who come over to talk to you instead of just messaging you on Teams. If someone does message you on Teams, tell them it would be great to show them the thing in person and easier for you if they don't mind. Keep it light, make the space welcoming, make sure your seat is facing people so you can see them coming and they don't feel like they have to sneak up on you and tap your shoulder to get your attention if you're wearing headphones. There's nothing wrong with being the office eccentric, most of my favourite colleagues have been the office eccentric.
posted by cilantro at 8:52 AM on October 19, 2021
posted by cilantro at 8:52 AM on October 19, 2021
Open offices are of the devil and should be banished to the nether realms, but they aren't going to be, and certainly not for this particular office. As such, this sounds like a situation with no real good solution; there's no "my coworkers magically learn to be quieter, odorless, and much more independently productive people" option. It just sounds like the worst possible fit for you.
Ultimately, whether your coworkers like you and your baked goods is less important than whether you keep your job, so if working in isolation is how you keep your job, then that's what you have to do. And start looking for a workplace that is quieter with more individual workspaces, if such a thing exists in this age of WFH.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:02 AM on October 19, 2021 [2 favorites]
Ultimately, whether your coworkers like you and your baked goods is less important than whether you keep your job, so if working in isolation is how you keep your job, then that's what you have to do. And start looking for a workplace that is quieter with more individual workspaces, if such a thing exists in this age of WFH.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 9:02 AM on October 19, 2021 [2 favorites]
I suspect the social issues may bother you less when you are no longer continually assaulted by sounds and smells, having asthma attacks, and trying to work on a tiny monitor.
posted by esker at 11:18 AM on October 19, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by esker at 11:18 AM on October 19, 2021 [4 favorites]
Yes, you should take the new spot. The social stuff already sounds like an issue, and if you don't have the sensory overwhelm and physical illness to deal with, maybe you'll have more energy to do some purposeful socializing. Work should not make you physically ill, though it often does, but I'd encourage you not to settle for that!
To piggyback on heatherlogan's comment, I also wonder what the better solution here would be? Did you expect them to move your entire team? (Only solves one of your problems.) Allow you to work remotely instead? (Sounds like it's against policy; also socially isolating.) Somehow give you a private office? (Also socially isolating.) Take the new desk, tell people why, have a standard intro of yourself that you give to new folks, and if you think you might be happier elsewhere, take some of the energy you regain from the new seat to look and apply/reach out to recruiters. I'd keep the "why" short and sweet, leaving out the more difficult to understand sensory stuff: "Hey team, I'm moving to a different seat in section X because the kitchen odors keep triggering my asthma. Don't be a stranger and please do feel free to come over and chat or ask me questions. I'll miss seeing you every day, so I'll probably stop by to say hi every (afternoon/morning/whatever)."
posted by purple_bird at 11:59 AM on October 19, 2021
To piggyback on heatherlogan's comment, I also wonder what the better solution here would be? Did you expect them to move your entire team? (Only solves one of your problems.) Allow you to work remotely instead? (Sounds like it's against policy; also socially isolating.) Somehow give you a private office? (Also socially isolating.) Take the new desk, tell people why, have a standard intro of yourself that you give to new folks, and if you think you might be happier elsewhere, take some of the energy you regain from the new seat to look and apply/reach out to recruiters. I'd keep the "why" short and sweet, leaving out the more difficult to understand sensory stuff: "Hey team, I'm moving to a different seat in section X because the kitchen odors keep triggering my asthma. Don't be a stranger and please do feel free to come over and chat or ask me questions. I'll miss seeing you every day, so I'll probably stop by to say hi every (afternoon/morning/whatever)."
posted by purple_bird at 11:59 AM on October 19, 2021
Response by poster: Much later update:
I stayed at the spot I was moved to - being that much more isolated felt like it would take a great toll on my mental health.
It took a while, but I adjusted and actually am somewhat happier there. I don't even wear my headphones every day. I think a lot of the problem with my old neighbors talking a lot was that is was all complaining and negativity about how awful work/life/everything was. My new neighbors may get nosier than the old sometimes, but at least it's because they're laughing and having a good time. Because they seem to be more sociable in general, some of them even say hi when I come in, which is nice.
The monitor issue was solved by going to my lead's lead, who just grabbed some from another desk and switched them. I hadn't wanted to go over my lead's head, but it worked, and since two other people immediately asked if they could have the better monitors too, I didn't feel so weird about it.
They completely changed the commitment structure, so even doing the old bonus amount, I wasn't even hitting my new base goal. And made it time based, so people there less time could do less work and bonus. At that point I stopped caring; since I'm not able to make the extra money, why bother grinding for 100+ when I can do 40 without getting in trouble? I mean honestly, why should I bother even doing 40 when others are watching youtube and doing 10? (I shouldn't.) I'd just wanted to do well instead of disengaging.
I am looking for a new job though, since they took away the pay bump at two years (which I hit next week) and aren't doing any merit raises for our tier this year. Despite it being 'the best six months in company history'. Nope. I only stayed for the money and insurance.
posted by goreycat at 6:13 AM on February 20, 2022 [4 favorites]
I stayed at the spot I was moved to - being that much more isolated felt like it would take a great toll on my mental health.
It took a while, but I adjusted and actually am somewhat happier there. I don't even wear my headphones every day. I think a lot of the problem with my old neighbors talking a lot was that is was all complaining and negativity about how awful work/life/everything was. My new neighbors may get nosier than the old sometimes, but at least it's because they're laughing and having a good time. Because they seem to be more sociable in general, some of them even say hi when I come in, which is nice.
The monitor issue was solved by going to my lead's lead, who just grabbed some from another desk and switched them. I hadn't wanted to go over my lead's head, but it worked, and since two other people immediately asked if they could have the better monitors too, I didn't feel so weird about it.
They completely changed the commitment structure, so even doing the old bonus amount, I wasn't even hitting my new base goal. And made it time based, so people there less time could do less work and bonus. At that point I stopped caring; since I'm not able to make the extra money, why bother grinding for 100+ when I can do 40 without getting in trouble? I mean honestly, why should I bother even doing 40 when others are watching youtube and doing 10? (I shouldn't.) I'd just wanted to do well instead of disengaging.
I am looking for a new job though, since they took away the pay bump at two years (which I hit next week) and aren't doing any merit raises for our tier this year. Despite it being 'the best six months in company history'. Nope. I only stayed for the money and insurance.
posted by goreycat at 6:13 AM on February 20, 2022 [4 favorites]
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