Elderly cat wants cuddles at 3am

June 1, 2021 6:33 AM

How do you stop your cat from waking you at 3am? She is 15 years old and the 3am wake-up is a daily occurrence. She does not want to play, she just wants to be pet and cuddled. The vet says this behavior is attention seeking so we should play with her more—in fact, we do play and cuddle with her daily but too much never seems like enough. I do not want to lock her out of the bedroom because I worry that she is too old for such a lonely change. Have you ever dealt with this effectively?
posted by Jason and Laszlo to Pets & Animals (23 answers total)

When my cat used to wake me up meowing I’d kick him out of the bedroom at that point for the rest of the night. He did eventually stop - though I’m not sure if he learned meowing on my head = being kicked out, or if he just grew out of it. He does it very occasionally now, but I just push him off the bed without even looking at him, and that seems to work. Not sure if pushing a 15yr old cat off the bed is safe for her though.

Also, it’s very important that you never ever pet/cuddle her when she wakes you up at 3am - if you do that even some of the time, she will learn that it works and continue to do it.
posted by insectosaurus at 6:59 AM on June 1, 2021 [1 favorite]

I don't know if shutting her out of the bedroom is actually going to make her super lonely... if she is getting a lot of attention during the daytime and you're not both going off to work and leaving her alone for ten hours, then she is getting lots of love. It might be worth a try. She may claw or cry at the door, but again it might stop if you ignore it for a few weeks.

Seconding insectosaurus though, you cannot give in and pet her!
posted by dazedandconfused at 7:06 AM on June 1, 2021 [1 favorite]

Previously ... some good ideas in there.

I spray with a water bottle. This works ... medium. She still walks up on us and meows in the morning, but more quietly.

This morning at about 4 she woke us up with a distressed yowl. She was circled up happily asleep at the foot of the bed. No idea why, kitty nightmare I guess.
posted by Dashy at 7:08 AM on June 1, 2021

Best answer: It's possible your cat is cold. If this is the case you could try a (cat sized) electric blanket.
posted by metadave at 7:17 AM on June 1, 2021 [26 favorites]

Cats just do this crap. Do whatever works - don't worry too much about their feelings - they won't be too sad, they'll just sleep or do something else that entertains them.

I'd play with them before bed, then lock them out, put some tape on the door, and consider some kind of enrichment at 3am like hiding a treat / catnip toy, or laser pointer mover that turns on at 3am, etc.
posted by bbqturtle at 7:28 AM on June 1, 2021

If my old lady cat decides to bother me when I’m not interested in being bothered, plopping her unceremoniously and wordlessly to the floor seems to help—sometimes she will hop back up, but she will be more polite about it and just curl up nearby for warmth.

I will say that this is the time of year where her waking up just as the sky starts to lighten and asking for food is a way-too-early alarm clock rather than a reasonable guess from a creature that can’t tell time. It’s possible that may be another factor.
posted by tchemgrrl at 7:35 AM on June 1, 2021 [2 favorites]

A lot of cats won't do it, but try inviting her under the covers... and/or just scooping her under them, tucking an arm under/around her, and going back to sleep.

Of course, I suggest that, and while it works on one of mine... the other is still trying to pull my arm with her paw, and when that fails, bopping me on the nose with a paw with ONE claw out. That's how I've woken up the last three mornings, though thankfully not til after the sun is up. This morning, I kept petting her and apparently was supposed to keep my eyes open while doing so, because I got ANOTHER nose bop.
posted by stormyteal at 7:39 AM on June 1, 2021 [7 favorites]

When you say the vet says it's "attention seeking" -- have they specifically tested her for thyroid issues? My geriatric bb has just a TOUCH of hyperthyroid and it kind of makes her a jerk at night sometimes. Nighttime agitation is a sign of thyroid issues in older cats (according to my vet) so I'd be sure that's been checked and treat her for it if applicable.
posted by Medieval Maven at 7:43 AM on June 1, 2021 [3 favorites]

Response by poster: Thank you metadave for your idea about a heated blanket. I like the idea of leaning in to kitty's needs rather than pushing her out. Now I just need to find a claw-resistant electric blanket!
posted by Jason and Laszlo at 7:46 AM on June 1, 2021 [4 favorites]

I am going to second that your cat is probably cold. Once I got wise to cat heating pads, what I used to think was my cats wanting to snuggle in the night, was really them just wanting to stay warm. We like to think that cats are naturally warm because they have fur coats, but cats are really not that well insulated for the cold. Any temperature below 80 degrees my current cat will want to be on one of her hot beds. This is especially true as cats age. (At this point, after years of cat hot beds, I think perhaps unfairly, that anyone who does not have them for their cats are barbarians from another century).

Even if by some odd chance this is not the reason your cat is demanding cuddling in the night, it is still a kindness to have them especially as cats age. My previous cat was arthritic, and she greatly benefited from the heat as a therapeutic measure. You can buy pet heating pads separately and put them under existing bedding, or you can buy a premade heated bed.
posted by nanook at 7:46 AM on June 1, 2021 [4 favorites]

Response by poster: Thanks Medieval Maven; yes, kitty was tested for thyroid.
posted by Jason and Laszlo at 7:47 AM on June 1, 2021

They make heated cat beds!
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 7:47 AM on June 1, 2021 [10 favorites]

Those heated cat beds are worth their weight in gold, btw, especially the ones that only start heating when they detect weight. (I make it sound all fancy, I think I got mine for like $30.) I've lived in a few places with terrible/occasionally no heat in winter, and they're wonderful for the cat and double as a human foot-warmer when the cat's uninterested. My two cheerfully make biscuits on any and all surfaces, and haven't clawed it open yet!
posted by kalimac at 8:06 AM on June 1, 2021 [6 favorites]

My older cat stopped doing this when I started giving him a second dinner just before I go to bed. It seems he was actual more hungry than lonely. He still comes for snuggles, but he just curls up and sleeps with me.
posted by MexicanYenta at 8:33 AM on June 1, 2021 [2 favorites]

I'm gonna come out on the other end of it as someone who is (apparently?) still sort of grieving over his lost snugglecats over a year later: Just let 'em snuggle and and halfassedly pet them some, even if it's 3am and you'd rather be asleep. At 15, they might be gone before you know it, and you might regret not spending the time with them.
posted by Kyol at 8:55 AM on June 1, 2021 [34 favorites]

My elderly cat also stopped waking me up at 4 am (with yelling rather than snuggles sadly) when I started to give her more to eat before bed and through the night. Turns out I'd rather have a chubbier well fed old cat than a sleepless interrupted night. She also has a cat heating pad at her disposal - those are always good investments for the older kitties imo.
posted by rdnnyc at 8:57 AM on June 1, 2021 [3 favorites]

If none of the above suggestions work, the next step is to get her a kitten. Or a pair of kittens.
posted by bilabial at 10:47 AM on June 1, 2021

What kyol said.
posted by y2karl at 5:46 PM on June 1, 2021

I'm also with Kyol. I have a diabetic, arthritic, failing kidneys having 15-year-old cat who goes through periods of needing 3 a.m. snuggles. I just cope. I will take all the snuggles as long as I can get 'em.
posted by jzb at 6:06 PM on June 1, 2021 [4 favorites]

Maaaybe not a young, rambunctious kitten -- maybe a 3 year old cat who is skinny and likely to be cold and also likes to snuggle with other cats.
posted by amtho at 8:31 PM on June 1, 2021

Try manoeuvring her under the blankets/sheets with you, up against your body. That way she gets the warmth and safety she (possibly) wants, and you only have to let your sleep be disturbed minimally.
posted by turbid dahlia at 9:22 PM on June 1, 2021 [1 favorite]

definitely get a heated cat bed, NOT a regular electric blanket or heating pad, as those can get too hot for kitties.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 7:53 AM on June 2, 2021

Can you get something narrow and warm for her to rest in? Sometimes cats like the familiarity of being a kitten, when they were squashed between other kittens and felt warm and safe. Similar to what turbid dahlia suggested. One of my ex-inlaws cats liked to hide under our jackets, and my neighbour's old cat liked to hide behind pillows for this reason.
posted by Ms. Moonlight at 10:22 AM on June 2, 2021 [2 favorites]