Comments on: I just can't bring myself to sit there.

Question: I just can't bring myself to sit there.

blahtsk — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 23:21:11 -0800

I'm wound so tight I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin, but sitting and meditating is achey and boring and too time-consuming.

Family members and co-workers are annoying me in ways they don't usually, so I know I'm getting stressed out.

I desperately want to be calm and centered but like I said I need something, maybe like a koan or some active way of meditating that my mind can take up at times like this to transcend.

By: nonmyopicdave

nonmyopicdave — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 23:25:01 -0800

Excercise?

By: nonmyopicdave

nonmyopicdave — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 23:28:27 -0800

Oops. Exercise. (Or how about exorcise?)

By: notsnot

notsnot — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 23:34:46 -0800

did you just quit smoking? When I've not had one in a while, I'm like that. Also, watch your caffeine.

On preview, what nonmyopicdave said.

By: provolot

provolot — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 23:35:19 -0800

A smashingly good concert/performance.

By: Jenga

Jenga — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 23:38:23 -0800

Go for a run, swim or bicycle ride. Do it until you vomit. Work out on a heavy bag or lift some weights. Exercise is a fantastic way to shed stress but one thing is for sure, you can't get to a calm and centered state (via meditation) with desperate want. They are fairly incongruent things.

There are probably some snake oil dealers shilling quick fix, transcendence-in-30-minute techniques they flog as meditation but they'd only appeal to the kind of people who completely misunderstand the whole idea behind it.

A tendency to feel bored and achy contraindicates meditation as a remedy.

By: fshgrl

fshgrl — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 23:39:45 -0800

I felt like that constantly from age 16 to about 25. It was a relief to get older to be honest.

By: luftmensch

luftmensch — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 23:57:09 -0800

A nice massage is a good way to break down insurmountable tension but unless you have entirely too much money it isn't going to be a regular stress-breaker. After that gets you calm, maybe take a crack at simple meditation techniques. If you can manage it once in that calmed state, it should be a lot easier to get back to, and the practice will actually be associated in your mind with that feeling of physical calmness.

By: brujita

brujita — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 23:59:35 -0800

Yoga.

By: tkolar

tkolar — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 00:25:17 -0800

...and too time-consuming.

Well there's your problem right there. If you don't have time in your life to meditate, or exercise, or just go for a long walk in a park, then you're pretty much screwed.

There is no quick-fix substitute for rest and relaxation. I hear the cocaine can help in the short term, but I'll leave that up to you.

By: BitterOldPunk

BitterOldPunk — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 01:21:12 -0800

you can't get to a calm and centered state (via meditation) with desperate want.

My nomination for the most profound thing I've yet read on AskMe.

I concur with the above respondents: sweat.

Sauna, exercise, massage, furiously jerking off, whatever.

Just sweat, and you'll feel better.

By: MetaMonkey

MetaMonkey — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 01:37:26 -0800

Short answer is you can meditate in tiny doses (well I think so anyway). For example, while waiting for a traffic light to change or even in a traffic jam, try to focus on your breathing. It doesn't have to be in any way controlled, or successful, just try not to think about much but your breathing for those 20-30 seconds. Sometimes it will work, sometimes it won't. Don't worry about it.

This may not seem like much, but a few extra moments of peace per day can make a lot of difference in stressful times. Better yet, if you keep doing these micro-meditations every so often, it will become a habit, a natural reflex it times of tension. The more you do it, the less stressed you become. If there are any quick-fixes of peace, I certainly haven't heard about them, but this method will help over time, or at least it seems to work for me.

Here is an answer I made to a slightly similar question, which may help further explain what I am getting at.

The other way to do this kind of micro-meditation is turn routine functions into opportunities to relax. For example, when washing the dishes; instead of standing with your shoulders hunched, slapping the plates wildly while being pissed off with the chore, and whatever else pissed you off that day, focus your attention on the task and hand. Position your body comfortably and execute the job smoothly and efficiently. Doing this is pretty much the same as meditating, only a bit wetter. The key things is to let go of the nattering, ever-present consciousness and focus your mind on one specific thing. This method can be applied to pretty much anything.

By: i_am_joe's_spleen

i_am_joe's_spleen — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 01:50:47 -0800

"sitting and meditating is achey and boring and too time-consuming"

Well DUH. That's why you need to do it for a while. It does feel like a big fat waste of time to start with - you need to do it for a few days, or even a few weeks, for the effects to start to kick in. But if you are too wound up, as you say, to take any time to wind down, lo, you will stay wound up.

But if you can't commit to meditating, go for a regular walk.

By: needs more cowbell

needs more cowbell — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 03:08:40 -0800

To add on to everyone's suggestion of exercise, I would say that you should do vigorous exercise (running, ellipting, whatever) that will really get your heart rate up (assuming you have no medical problems that prevent it, I'm not a doctor, yada yada yada) rather than just walking. I do a lot of brisk walking, but there is nothing like the calm high that comes after vigorous exercise.

By: Packy_1962

Packy_1962 — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 04:46:52 -0800

Swimming works really well for me. It's the only time during the day when I'm completely in the present, and after, I feel much better.

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 05:06:14 -0800

Drugs.

By: Decani

Decani — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 06:08:59 -0800

I'll second the massage suggestion. I'm a naturally tense person and things like yoga and meditation don't work for me because I simply cannot relax in those ways. I can't stretch myself into calmness and I can't think myself into calmness. I actually get more wound up by those techniques. When I try to meditate I suddenly become aware of every damned itch, pain and discomfort in my body and mind.

Whereas.. a skilfully-applied full body massage can turn me into a mellow, purring pile of contentment. So, give that a try. It may work for you too.

By: Drastic

Drastic — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 06:15:46 -0800

Achey, yes, though that lessens with practice as your body adjusts. You do know you don't have to force yourself into a position that's actively painful, right? Me, I can technically do the traditional "full lotus" but it rapidly goes beyond merely achey into counter-productively painful, so I stick with half (one foot over opposing thigh, other under).

Boring, absolutely. As i_am_joe's_spleen up yonder said, that's pretty much the point. Zen is Boring has long been one of my favorite essays on the subject of the inherent tedium of it. (Title aside, it's not really Zen-specific, though I'm sure the author may feel differently.)

Not enough time, well...not to be a jerk, but I really doubt that. Twenty to thirty minutes, once or twice a day, that's all. The not-enough-time factor pops up simply as one of the excuses for not doing it, and that's all it is, an excuse, in ninenty-nine-dot-oomph cases. (Percentage arrived at via rigorous ex gluteus statistical analysis methods.) If there really honestly just isn't the time, it's time to readjust some life patterns to make it--because a life where you honestly don't have a half hour here and there with nothing to do is a life that'll kill you with stress slow and sure, and the effects will only pile up as you get older and start losing the brain plasticity that offsets the deletrious effects it in perpetually stressed-out young folks.

Sadly, there's no mantra or koan or Ninth Secret of Kung Fu breath technique that'll make meditation suddenly joyful and filled with candy. You might find someone to tell you different, but they probably just want into your wallet.

By: CunningLinguist

CunningLinguist — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 06:16:03 -0800

Get yourself a capacious glass, a handful of ice cubes and a nice whiskey (or spirit of your choice.) Takes only minutes to feel that tension seep away.

By: Drastic

Drastic — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 06:17:08 -0800

All that blather aside, I absolutely add an amen to everyone counseling exercise. It won't make just-sitting any less boring, but it's good for stress all on its own.

By: DarthDuckie

DarthDuckie — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 06:26:24 -0800

Try taking a Tai Chi class. It's a moving meditation. But try to find a instructor who goes teaches the forms very slowly and focuses on body position.

By: blahtsk

blahtsk — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 06:52:35 -0800

Oh man, I got up this morning thinking, "WTF? Why did I post that last night?!" But you guys had great suggestions (as always); thanks.

By: Malor

Malor — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 07:29:05 -0800

One thing that I kept from martial arts practice, years ago...if you're bored, you're not paying enough attention to what you're doing. If you're fully present in the moment, boredom is not possible.

Even very simple things are incredibly interesting if you pay enough attention to them.... I think that's why I liked basics so much.

By: ottereroticist

ottereroticist — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 09:41:23 -0800

Walking meditation.

By: mendel

mendel — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 10:01:18 -0800

maybe like a koan

What they said, but I'd add: Don't confuse relaxation meditation with koan practice and Zen -- there's nothing relaxing about a koan! Koans are meant to be frustrating and impenetrable; that's the whole point, to get you to where you have to give up on your whole mindset to break through it, and that can take years, and at the end of those you don't have relaxation, you have (a bit more) understanding.

By: I Love Tacos

I Love Tacos — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 11:32:23 -0800

Suggestions that work pretty well for me:
weightlifting
vigorous aerobic exercises
boxing
yoga

For yoga, I'd note that there are a wide variety of styles. I didn't like it until I got an instructor who mixed the stretching and meditation with tough aerobic exercise.

By: WidgetAlley

WidgetAlley — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 11:38:36 -0800

I too have been wound like a violin string for the past few weeks (waiting to hear back from colleges is *nervewracking*!), and I gotta say... exercise is great, particularly if I do it until it hurts so much/I'm so tired that I just don't care any more. Nice to be in shape, too. It is, however, only a temporary fix for me-- a few hours' rest, and I'm right back to where I started (the effect seem to last longer if I exercise outside, rather than indoors.) And twice a week isn't enough for me-- for any measure of relief, I have to exercise intensely every day (this may be because I already have a fairly high physical activity level.)

If you're short on time for meditation, you're probably short on time for other things as well, but I've found projects to be a big help with the taut feeling of being confined. So I'm writing a couple of pieces for 'zines, doing some art, learning to play piano, all kinds of stuff-- very therapeutic, and really helps distract me from that feeling of wanting to tear my own hair (and the hair of others!) out.

By: Carbolic

Carbolic — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 11:48:24 -0800

Don't rule out exercise because you don't have time to get into something vigorous. I used to make that mistake. It may be that vigorous exercise has a more profound effect but just a twenty or thirty minute walk is mush better than nothing. I personally get about 75% of the stress reduction from such a walk as I do from any amount of more vigorous or long lasting exercise. It doesn't take that much to make a difference. Hell, I spent 20 minutes raking my yard this morning and got a nice boost.

By: sandrapbrady

sandrapbrady — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 19:29:11 -0800

A simple simple way is to do breething excercises. Great tool to reduce anxiety and can be done anywhere, even while walking. This works wonders for me.
3 seconds inhale, 4 seconds exhale.
Repeat 10 times.

Tip from my therapist.

By: mojabunni

mojabunni — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 22:52:19 -0800

I highly suggest massage therapy (especially being a massage therapist and all). I've massaged many people and watched them go from almost visibly shaking or nervous or wound up or whatnot, to quite mellow and content. In other words, what Decani said.

I also HIGHLY recommend one of my favorite ways to relax... soaking in hot water (either a chlorinated hot tub or a regular bathtub filled with hot water). If you use a regular tub, try adding 3 to 4 cups of Epsom salt (purchaseable at CVS or Walgreen's [or Walmart, but I try to avoid Walmart] for under $5). Epsom salt works wonders.

Gentle exercise such as going for a walk has been shown to increase levels of serotonin in your brain (the "feel-good" neurotransmitter released in large quantities by the street drug ecstasy).

By: any major dude

any major dude — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 22:58:24 -0800

It's a little early but if you are in a warm climate find yourself a waterslide park. I remember late last summer I was really wound up and I took my son to a public pool that had recently installed a waterslide. I went on it and man did the stress slip away with every turn. You want world peace? Put a waterslide on every street corner.

By: beth

beth — Sun, 02 Apr 2006 03:52:48 -0800

You want world peace? Put a waterslide on every street corner.

I'm stealing this because it's so cool.

By: blahtsk

blahtsk — Sun, 02 Apr 2006 12:19:15 -0800

Great suggestions, everyone, thanks again.

By: delladlux

delladlux — Sun, 02 Apr 2006 14:40:29 -0800

Breathing Exercises. Gradually make your breath as slow and long as possible without strain.

Different from meditation - but it does prepare the body and sedate the 'monkey mind' in preparation for meditation over time.