How to ask the right questions to a seasoned former investigator?
May 30, 2021 9:48 AM Subscribe
How can I confront a former Federal Investigator about stealing from me?
Have a real serious problem with my sister. My mom died 24 years ago and I was in a bad place. She died on my birthday no less, I was leaving an abusive marriage and going through my business being embezzled and then bankruptcy. I wasn't thinking rationally and didn't pay attention to where my mother's inheritance went.
Well, the other day my sister let it slip that she inherited $150,000 and I got $25K. She was a federal investigator and really has no humanity or guilt about anything. Her life revolves around money and she could have invented r/ULPT
She quickly said, "Well, I threw out all the paperwork long ago and I invested it." She fucking stole it. I caught her stealing from me once before and made her put it back. I live in poverty now since I got cancer and lost my job for time off, I go to the food bank and work two jobs at 68.
She has no mercy.
I want to confront her but have no idea what to say.
I know this will fundamentally change our relationship and I've already taken steps to change my POA to someone else. I have a terminal illness and she would not even think twice about hastening my death.
Have a real serious problem with my sister. My mom died 24 years ago and I was in a bad place. She died on my birthday no less, I was leaving an abusive marriage and going through my business being embezzled and then bankruptcy. I wasn't thinking rationally and didn't pay attention to where my mother's inheritance went.
Well, the other day my sister let it slip that she inherited $150,000 and I got $25K. She was a federal investigator and really has no humanity or guilt about anything. Her life revolves around money and she could have invented r/ULPT
She quickly said, "Well, I threw out all the paperwork long ago and I invested it." She fucking stole it. I caught her stealing from me once before and made her put it back. I live in poverty now since I got cancer and lost my job for time off, I go to the food bank and work two jobs at 68.
She has no mercy.
I want to confront her but have no idea what to say.
I know this will fundamentally change our relationship and I've already taken steps to change my POA to someone else. I have a terminal illness and she would not even think twice about hastening my death.
With a very good lawyer who has been recommended by someone very smart whom you trust. It's a good question for Ask Metafilter - provide your location, mention whether there was a written will, etc.
posted by amtho at 10:19 AM on May 30, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by amtho at 10:19 AM on May 30, 2021 [2 favorites]
Agree, this is lawyer territory.
posted by Alterscape at 10:27 AM on May 30, 2021
posted by Alterscape at 10:27 AM on May 30, 2021
Response by poster: I've obtained the will and it shows only the documents that are obvious.
She talked my mother into having JOINT bank accounts of which I was not privvy to (which I somewhat knew but didn't process the value at the time). I know for certain my mother never ever would have saved only $110,000 for the rest of her life.
I saw a lawyer and she recommended I talk to the Commonwealth Attorney but it's likely my sister has obfuscated any proof (she admitted that the other day). She also told me I should talk to her face to face and see if she's willing to admit and hence-this is why I'm asking on this venue. And yes I need the money-I'm 68 years old and have a terminal illness and living in poverty with no quality of life while she is traveling the world LITERALLY and buying $5-10,000 a month on Amazon crap. Mom would be horrified.
posted by ~Sushma~ at 10:53 AM on May 30, 2021
She talked my mother into having JOINT bank accounts of which I was not privvy to (which I somewhat knew but didn't process the value at the time). I know for certain my mother never ever would have saved only $110,000 for the rest of her life.
I saw a lawyer and she recommended I talk to the Commonwealth Attorney but it's likely my sister has obfuscated any proof (she admitted that the other day). She also told me I should talk to her face to face and see if she's willing to admit and hence-this is why I'm asking on this venue. And yes I need the money-I'm 68 years old and have a terminal illness and living in poverty with no quality of life while she is traveling the world LITERALLY and buying $5-10,000 a month on Amazon crap. Mom would be horrified.
posted by ~Sushma~ at 10:53 AM on May 30, 2021
If this happened 24 years ago, it is extremely unlikely that anything can be done about it now. Only talking to a lawyer will let you know for sure.
posted by Mid at 12:43 PM on May 30, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Mid at 12:43 PM on May 30, 2021 [1 favorite]
Best answer: She also told me I should talk to her face to face and see if she's willing to admit
Knowing your sister, is there any chance that this will work? Or is this just a power play on her part? Or would she likely to give you some money out of sense of fairness (even if you didn't have a solid legal proof) or will she only do it if you have enough evidence and the law on your side that you could take her to court and so she settles instead.
If you don't have firm proof and can't get it, then the only reason to have the conversation is because you think there is a chance she might be swayed by fairness. However, given your description, it doesn't sound like you think that is actually a possibility. In which case, unless you can somehow establish a firm case, I'm not sure if it worth the emotional anguish to deal with her.
Another consideration is that if your mother had joint accounts with your sister with right of survivorship then anything in those accounts would go directly to the co-owner, bypassing the will. (more here) I know families where elderly parents share their checking accounts with a child so the adult child can pay their expenses without undue headaches and then that child gets the full account after the parents death. If your mother also did this on her investment accounts, then a large part of her savings might have not flowed through her will.
However, this is still part of the taxable estate so if there is a final tax return filed for your mother's estate, it should show up there. In fact, if you really want to find out more, I would suggest getting the final tax return plus the documents filed with the court when the estate was settled and closed. Worth googling around to find out if you can get copies of that.
posted by metahawk at 12:44 PM on May 30, 2021 [6 favorites]
Knowing your sister, is there any chance that this will work? Or is this just a power play on her part? Or would she likely to give you some money out of sense of fairness (even if you didn't have a solid legal proof) or will she only do it if you have enough evidence and the law on your side that you could take her to court and so she settles instead.
If you don't have firm proof and can't get it, then the only reason to have the conversation is because you think there is a chance she might be swayed by fairness. However, given your description, it doesn't sound like you think that is actually a possibility. In which case, unless you can somehow establish a firm case, I'm not sure if it worth the emotional anguish to deal with her.
Another consideration is that if your mother had joint accounts with your sister with right of survivorship then anything in those accounts would go directly to the co-owner, bypassing the will. (more here) I know families where elderly parents share their checking accounts with a child so the adult child can pay their expenses without undue headaches and then that child gets the full account after the parents death. If your mother also did this on her investment accounts, then a large part of her savings might have not flowed through her will.
However, this is still part of the taxable estate so if there is a final tax return filed for your mother's estate, it should show up there. In fact, if you really want to find out more, I would suggest getting the final tax return plus the documents filed with the court when the estate was settled and closed. Worth googling around to find out if you can get copies of that.
posted by metahawk at 12:44 PM on May 30, 2021 [6 favorites]
Lawyers are not interchangeable. Try a different lawyer -- at least you should know _why_ a commonwealth attorney is recommended.
posted by amtho at 1:48 PM on May 30, 2021
posted by amtho at 1:48 PM on May 30, 2021
I think by Commonwealth Attorney the OP means a public prosecutor -- i.e., a state's attorney or district attorney in another jurisdiction. I would read that advice to mean that the lawyer the OP spoke with does not believe the OP herself has viable claims, but instead suggested that the OP get in touch with the government/law enforcement.
posted by Mid at 2:27 PM on May 30, 2021
posted by Mid at 2:27 PM on May 30, 2021
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If you need the money you will need to get a copy of the will and/or estate proceedings from the county where your mother died. They will be public documents but you may need to pay for copies. Then you will need a lawyer.
posted by muddgirl at 9:57 AM on May 30, 2021 [14 favorites]