Getting off my hobbyhorse

May 20, 2021 5:34 PM

I contain multitudes. I love everything and want to try and learn about everything. I am a dilettante and I like it. This means, however, that I have a house full of half-finished and abandoned hobbies, and deep down I know that I should pass these items on to those that will love and appreciate them. How? Both in the physical, give away/sell sense, and in the emotional, farewell to old loves sense.

First off, I don't actually want to keep everything. I feel guilt when I see the dusty loom, unused in the corner. Flutes should make music and instead they sit, waiting for me to come back to them. Stacks of notebooks with a project name scrawled on the inside cover with only the first five pages filled in with loose ideas and diagrams...and the rest of the pages sit empty. I know in my heart I should move on. It's okay. I have so many loves that I want to dig into, I just feel like I need to send the others on and clear some space.

Does anybody have advice on how to move forward with this? My analytical side says "make a list of every hobby you have/wished to pursue, and divide them into zones: Definitely keep, definitely move on, keep in the maybe-someday zone". Does this sound reasonable? Should I sell the loom, flute, etc? Give to friends? There's a physical side to this as well as the emotional/mental sides. I think they all kind of go together - as in, if I decide that ice skating not a winter sport that I want to pursue, I should get rid of the skates.

Have you ever done a sweeping-away of old hobbies and loves before? How did you go about doing it? Did you have regrets? What would you have done differently? I can definitely say that I plan to hold on to some truly sentimental items, and I acknowledge that the the rest can reasonably be replaced if I suddenly think "I can't believe I gave away my loom!!" five years down the road.

Thanks!!

posted by Gray Duck to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (9 answers total)

This happens a lot in my neighbourhood Buy Nothing group, and I think it helps people when giving things away that they're giving it to a neighbour. I've seen half-done knit/crochet projects get finished, and puzzles from years ago completed. Felt scraps turned into something super cool (Star Wars figures!!) or instruments given away to kids who want to learn. And then the purger get to see the finished product and it just gives them so much emotional peace that it was OK to let it go because it was "taken care of" by the next person and given the time/love it deserves.

If such a group/concept exists in your neighbourhood, it might make it easier to let go?
posted by tinydancer at 6:01 PM on May 20, 2021 [11 favorites]

Earlier today, I looked up contact information for a group specializing in the hobby I'm thinking about de-accessioning because it has taught me what I needed to know. In my imagination, the hobbyists will be pleased by the windfall, and divide the spoils; I'm not losing something, I will be providing raw materials for someone else to bring something delightful into the world. That thought has been helpful as I make decisions about the stuff. Maybe it will help you too?
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:04 PM on May 20, 2021 [4 favorites]

For the mental part of it- the first is realizing that having such varied interests is a gift! Secondly, not becoming a master at something is not a failure! You experienced something new and cool! And now someone else gets to try out the flute for way cheaper/access something they may not have otherwise! And now that you’ve shared the items you have the mental and physical room to try out something else!
posted by raccoon409 at 6:58 PM on May 20, 2021 [4 favorites]

Look up books by Barbara Sher--she calls what you are a "Scanner."

If you feel done and you don't want to do the activity any more, then by all means, pass it on to someone else, Goodwill, whoever.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:36 PM on May 20, 2021 [2 favorites]

When I was changing focus on my fiber arts microbusiness, which was a big decision, I donated a lot of fabrics, sewing supples, art supplies, & miscellaneous stuff like empty thread spools to St Paul Public Library's Createch Studio which is a makerspace for teens. They shared the stuff--there was alot--with their other makerspaces for adults. They were thrilled to get yards of great fabric so teens could learn to sew or construct whatever. Turns out spools can be robot wheels. Depending on what you have, maybe find similar programs that could use your hobby items. Not sure if the SPPL programs are open now, but they will be soon. I also gave similar stuff to a HS that offers a letter, like for sports, in 'making.' School district music programs often are looking for instruments. Skates, too.

I could have sold the fabric, etc, but by choosing those programs to donate to, I knew that the stuff was going to places it would be used to boost others' creativity, esp, young people. That made it easier for me to move on to something new. I did keep all my original patterns & a few finished products in case I want to start again, plus I do have lots of pictures of my creative projects, which makes my 'past life' in that area easier to remember.
posted by Nosey Mrs. Rat at 8:46 PM on May 20, 2021 [1 favorite]

I am like you :)

Do you have crafty friends?

One of my friends just organised a crafternoon, and added a note suggesting that we bring any crafting stuff we don't want with the intent that other attendees can take it home. She plans to donate anything leftover.
posted by eloeth-starr at 8:57 PM on May 20, 2021 [4 favorites]

If you don't have friends that share your hobbies, NextDoor is a good way to connect to nearby hobbyists. When I was giving away cloth and scraps, I was lucky to know a young clothing designer who was delighted to take my yardage and a quilter who could use my scraps. Also passed on a ton of yarn to local knitters and crocheters. It's way easy if you can get them to pick it up but not very far to go to deliver. I also had notebooks and patterns that I was clinging to, but then I scanned them all and kept that. There were just a few things that ended up in the paper recycling, but most were placed directly into the hands of other crafters. Several years after donating the scraps to the quilter, she made me a lovely quilt, so some of my discards came home transformed.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 10:18 PM on May 20, 2021

+1 for reading Barbara Sher.

For me, I think a big component of not wanting to let go of things is a kind of "what if I forget that I had this interest or possibility" - the stuff acts as a physical reminder. What works for me is to keep a fairly comprehensive "someday/maybe" list with ideas on what I'd do if I picked the thing up again. If I have that then I can usually let go of physical equipment (which usually you can replace pretty easily).
posted by crocomancer at 3:22 AM on May 21, 2021

1) Separate the process of deciding what you want to keep from what to do with all the things you're not keeping. They're different enough ways of thinking that trying to do both at once will frustrate you.

2) You're deciding what you want to keep because you love it. Don't keep things that make you feel guilty, set them free! Your hobby stuff served its purpose to you by helping you to learn new things and explore new interests.

3) I would also take things on a piece-by-piece basis, going through and picking up the physical objects rather than using abstract categories - maybe you'll find that you actually liked one particular kind of knitting project and all your other knitting stuff got in the way of focusing on it.

4) Giving stuff away takes kind of forever, but it's not hard, especially with social media. You can also scale the effort you put in to your emotional attachment - I donated an in-progress quilt of fabric I got from my grandma to a neighborhood senior center with a quilting group vs. internet randos. I see selling as worth it more to make sure something is going to someone who wants it vs. a way to make significant money.

I read the first Marie Kondo book and went through the process about six years ago and found it very helpful and haven't accrued clutter since. I highly recommend reading one of her books (there's a graphic novel now!) because the TV show and online summaries leave out parts of the process and reasoning. I took the attitude that I would at least try her weirder suggestions and dropped things that don't work for me. I don't unpack my bag every day. I do still thank objects. YMWV.
posted by momus_window at 10:33 AM on May 21, 2021