A thank you for setting my mind at ease

May 11, 2021 8:07 AM

I was having worries about my apple trees. A friend of a friend came out to look at them, set my mind at ease. I want to send him a thank you. What should it be?

I was recently obsessing over a minor problem with my young apple trees. A friend recommended that I contact her friend, who is a hobby orchardist and apple-tree-knowledgeable guy in general (not a professional). I did, via email, asking if he'd be willing to consult by taking a look at my trees. He said "sure!" and we communicated via email a few days before he was able to stop by. He lives literally a five minute drive away.

He stopped by yesterday and, after looking at them for a few minutes, declared that they're just fine and that I should do a few minor things but otherwise not worry. We then chatted about trees and geology for about 30 minutes. I lost track of time and had to abruptly end the meeting (I had a zoom call, he knew that I had a 4:30 appt, we just got off on a tangent about glacial moraines). I am super-grateful for the help and would like to make sure that I send him a socially appropriate thank-you. We are in MN, USA if that makes a difference.

If you were a friend-of-a-friend hobbyist asked to consult (I did use that exact term, although it was presented casually, like "come have a look-see") on a topic on which you were a non-professional hobbyist, would you expect a tip? Or consult fee? What should it be? I wonder if we would have gotten to the fee part if we hadn't lost track of time chatting and had to end the meeting abruptly.

Regardless of $$, I do intend to write a thank-you note but would like to add a little present to show my gratitude. All I know about him is that he is a hobby orchardist (not just apples), likes geology, and is very, very into being from Michigan. Any ideas?

Thank you!

posted by Gray Duck to Grab Bag (22 answers total)

If you were a friend-of-a-friend hobbyist asked to consult (I did use that exact term, although it was presented casually, like "come have a look-see") on a topic on which you were a non-professional hobbyist, would you expect a tip? Or consult fee?

Neither - I'd either be doing it as a favor to our mutual friend, for the joy of talking about something I love, or both.

Any ideas?

A nifty refrigerator magnet! Can you ever have too many?
posted by jquinby at 8:17 AM on May 11, 2021 [4 favorites]

No money — sending money after the fact to someone who came to do you a favor just makes things weird. If money wasn’t mentioned beforehand, he’s not expecting any!

A nice card telling him you appreciate his help is really enough of a thank-you in my opinion. Not sure whether your trees are producing fruit yet, but if so, you could also drop off some apples once they’re ripe. :)
posted by mekily at 8:18 AM on May 11, 2021 [13 favorites]

I think a really nice thank you card would be totally appropriate, appreciated and all that you would need to do.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 8:23 AM on May 11, 2021 [4 favorites]

If you were a friend-of-a-friend hobbyist asked to consult

... I'd be delighted to be able to help someone out, and wouldn't expect anything at all.

Any ideas?

Bake him an apple cake! And maybe one for your mutual friend, for putting you in touch.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 8:23 AM on May 11, 2021 [13 favorites]

Best answer: PS: If you know for a fact he drinks alcohol, a 6-pack of local hard cider would be a cute cheeky gift. If not, maybe some locally-made apple cider vinegar or another apple food as suggested above.
posted by mekily at 8:26 AM on May 11, 2021 [7 favorites]

I agree with others -- this is the situation where a local or homemade consumable food gift really shines. Do you make apple sauce? Apple cider? Apple butter? Do you have some in a mason jar somewhere? Send it over with the card. If you don't make your own apple products or imagine he probably drowns in his own given his own orchards, is there something else local like maple syrup or something you can send? Or just bake cookies.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:33 AM on May 11, 2021 [2 favorites]

yep an apple gift is the way. homemade if that's your thing, otherwise a storebought jar of apple butter or high quality vinegar is cute.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:39 AM on May 11, 2021

Apple Pie?
posted by gregr at 8:41 AM on May 11, 2021 [1 favorite]

A thank you note is fine. It sounds like the person likes fruit trees etc and got to spend time talking about something they love with someone that was actively interested. You couldn't give a hobbiest a nicer present than someone actually wanting to listen to them talk about their interests.
posted by wwax at 8:41 AM on May 11, 2021 [5 favorites]

Not every act of kindness call for a gift or tip. In this case, I happen to think a handwritten thank you note is worth a lot more. Send that. Then, when you have some ripe and ready apples, send them a pie or something homemade from your apples.
posted by AugustWest at 8:41 AM on May 11, 2021 [2 favorites]

I would send him a thank-you note and then invite him to come pick an apple or two when they're ready. I mean, mention it in your note now if you'd like, but then also follow through and extend the invitation when the time comes. As an apple enthusiast, I would be delighted at the invitation to pick an apple, especially if they're of a variety I don't have or see often. Even if I chose not to take advantage of the invitation, I would appreciate it. (This all works best if they're bearing fruit this year, not years down the line.)
posted by veggieboy at 8:42 AM on May 11, 2021 [3 favorites]

Think about if the shoe were on the other foot. You are totally into widgets, it's part of your job, but also a fun hobby of yours, aren't you lucky! Then a friend asks for 5-10 minutes of your time to answer a couple questions, you're happy to help. You would be pleased to receive a thank you note, but anything more could be a bit awkward, though the idea of a later apple butter or apple picking idea sounds perfect.
posted by starfish at 9:14 AM on May 11, 2021 [2 favorites]

An orchardist from Michigan is probably also interested in cherries, so a small cherry-related gift would also be fitting.
posted by Comet Bug at 9:17 AM on May 11, 2021 [1 favorite]

Home made apple pie(apple crisp) and a note. A note is enough, and when you have an apple crop, a followup photo of them.
posted by theora55 at 9:21 AM on May 11, 2021

Enough with the apples. Give them a rock. You could paint an appreciative Malus meets moraine haiku on one side. Actually, on reflection, the bedrock geological map of Michigan looks a lot like an apple with the Upper Peninsula a sporty leaf. If you cut it out to emphasise this applitude then you can write your thank-you on the other side. Happy your apples are happy!
posted by BobTheScientist at 9:40 AM on May 11, 2021

Apple icewine (if your friend drinks), cider syrup, or fire cider.
posted by carrioncomfort at 10:49 AM on May 11, 2021

Money would be awkward overkill. If you don't want to go with an appley treat, all the relocated Michiganders I know (and my partner is one) spot each other in the wild by their UM gear. There's also stuff from Zingerman's. Or an appley thing from Zingerman's, for that matter.
posted by HotToddy at 10:52 AM on May 11, 2021

n'thing that money would be weird; a thank you note is the most that a reasonable person could even expect, and (if it really meant that much to you) an appley treat of some description is a bonus. I'd probably offer an I.O.U. of an appley treat, once the crop comes in.

[That way, if they gave you crappy advice and you don't know it yet, they get NOTHING. But if they gave you sound advice, and you benefit from it, you get to show that you remembered it (and them) later on.]

I hope you all live appley ever after.
posted by adekllny at 11:16 AM on May 11, 2021 [3 favorites]

all the relocated Michiganders I know (and my partner is one) spot each other in the wild by their UM gear.

This is tricky. The person could have gone to State. You do not want to give a Spartan U of M gear.

A thank you note is a great idea. An apple-related treat would be nice if the work to produce it is in the same ballpark as what this person did. Otherwise, you risk leaving that person with the feeling of owing you something and this whole thing could go on forever.
posted by FencingGal at 1:03 PM on May 11, 2021 [1 favorite]

Not to pile on or be judgmental but if someone offers me money for a legit favor it makes me wonder if we were ever friends. Offer of reimbursement for tools or gas or materials or what not = okay but money in exchange for my time feels really transactional and I'm sure they don't want that.
posted by ftm at 4:58 PM on May 11, 2021

Response by poster: Thanks, y'all. I think I got caught up in the word "consult" and that was throwing me off.

He did mention that he was a big fan of hard cider, so I will pop on over to a good liquor store and ask for their finest...maybe even from Michigan. And, a card, of course. Thanks, all!
posted by Gray Duck at 8:12 PM on May 11, 2021 [1 favorite]

If you spent that much time talking and you really enjoyed it and he's a friend of a friend and he lives 5 minutes away..... You might ask in the note if he'd like to join you next time you have a group over for game night or BBQ or whatever.
posted by CathyG at 9:08 PM on May 11, 2021 [1 favorite]