Am I cut out for this?
February 10, 2021 5:19 PM Subscribe
I failed a test. Again. It's the third test I've failed so far in this grad degree I started this year. The thing is, I thought I understood the material and studied hard for it. I'm also exhausted because I'm going to school and working full time. This is for a statistics degree... what do I do?
This particular exam was a 10 question multiple choice, true/false exam that had you do a few calculations and answer some conceptual questions. I spend the last four days re-reading all of the chapters it covered, reviewing homework, reviewing notes and slides from our class. I asked questions during our class review and went to office hours to seek clarity on points I didn't understand. We were allowed to have two sheets of cheat-sheet notes and I wrote EVERYTHING down on them.
I feel very frustrated not to have done better because this exam comprises 15% of my final grade, and I feel like I understand the material. For reference, even though I got a terrible grade, the bulk of the class seems to have gotten somewhere in the 50-70% correct range. I'm just at the lower end of that. I still need to go back and review what questions I got wrong and why but from initial impressions I feel like it's a combination of the questions not being written very clearly, and me not having caught some of the finer points of what the questions were trying to ask. I mean maybe, I would have caught those points if I understood the material in a crystal clear way - there was obviously a couple of people who got good grades on this exam - but tbh, I just feel like it's a combination of the professor who wrote the exam not speaking English as her first language and her also trying to be sort of "tricky" about the questions - ie, she drives home one point again and again in class ("This one statistic is different from the other because of X") but then in the exam she'll ask something about some other aspect (eg, how they differ according to aspect Y) and since you've spent so much time studying up on what she said numerous times in class, you hadn't paid as close attention to what she ends up asking about.
Also for reference, I'm doing well on all the homework in the class - like A's on everything. Last quarter, our exams from the same teacher included both a multiple choice part and a take home part. The take-home part took hours and hours to do but I got a 99% on both of them, which made up for the fact that I also got a 50% on the multiple choice part of the final for that class. I also struggled with tests for another, more theoretical, class that I took last term - I struggled with the material but eeked out A's in all the homework, studied hard for the final exam, but then bombed it and barely scraped by in the class. That one was not really related to clarity of questions but maybe the time limit on the exam and the fact that the questions, just seemed ...hard? And maybe test anxiety at that point, and the ever-present "Maybe I just didn't understand well enough" aspect. But I have this sort of feeling of futility that even if I took that entire class over again already mostly knowing the material at this point, I'd still fail the exams.
In the midst of this, I'm just feeling tired. I'm working full time while doing this degree, and just have little to no free time anymore. I decided to not take more of the theoretical math this term and do something more content-based and it's been nice to have a second class with a somewhat different focus and papers instead of exams. That has been helping a bit, but I just question if I can keep this up for 2.5-3 more years. I don't want to quit my job because I'm an older student and can't stomach the thought of spending ALL my money again and going into debt at this point in my life - which I've done before for another grad degree that I did complete but doesn't feel relevant any longer to what I want to do in the future. I kind of want to get my own apartment or even buy an apartment and have a dog or something at some point, but can't really afford that on my current salary, and while going to school. I just don't really like/feel excited about what I'm doing right now for work and do feel excited about the degree.
I don't know, I guess I'm feeling discouraged. Any pointers on moving forward on a degree that you might only be mediocre in, and doing it while having to swear off a lot of the fun things in life for a few years when you'd really like to spend time nurturing your sanity, to meet the aim of a possibly more satisfying career if you don't flunk out first?
This particular exam was a 10 question multiple choice, true/false exam that had you do a few calculations and answer some conceptual questions. I spend the last four days re-reading all of the chapters it covered, reviewing homework, reviewing notes and slides from our class. I asked questions during our class review and went to office hours to seek clarity on points I didn't understand. We were allowed to have two sheets of cheat-sheet notes and I wrote EVERYTHING down on them.
I feel very frustrated not to have done better because this exam comprises 15% of my final grade, and I feel like I understand the material. For reference, even though I got a terrible grade, the bulk of the class seems to have gotten somewhere in the 50-70% correct range. I'm just at the lower end of that. I still need to go back and review what questions I got wrong and why but from initial impressions I feel like it's a combination of the questions not being written very clearly, and me not having caught some of the finer points of what the questions were trying to ask. I mean maybe, I would have caught those points if I understood the material in a crystal clear way - there was obviously a couple of people who got good grades on this exam - but tbh, I just feel like it's a combination of the professor who wrote the exam not speaking English as her first language and her also trying to be sort of "tricky" about the questions - ie, she drives home one point again and again in class ("This one statistic is different from the other because of X") but then in the exam she'll ask something about some other aspect (eg, how they differ according to aspect Y) and since you've spent so much time studying up on what she said numerous times in class, you hadn't paid as close attention to what she ends up asking about.
Also for reference, I'm doing well on all the homework in the class - like A's on everything. Last quarter, our exams from the same teacher included both a multiple choice part and a take home part. The take-home part took hours and hours to do but I got a 99% on both of them, which made up for the fact that I also got a 50% on the multiple choice part of the final for that class. I also struggled with tests for another, more theoretical, class that I took last term - I struggled with the material but eeked out A's in all the homework, studied hard for the final exam, but then bombed it and barely scraped by in the class. That one was not really related to clarity of questions but maybe the time limit on the exam and the fact that the questions, just seemed ...hard? And maybe test anxiety at that point, and the ever-present "Maybe I just didn't understand well enough" aspect. But I have this sort of feeling of futility that even if I took that entire class over again already mostly knowing the material at this point, I'd still fail the exams.
In the midst of this, I'm just feeling tired. I'm working full time while doing this degree, and just have little to no free time anymore. I decided to not take more of the theoretical math this term and do something more content-based and it's been nice to have a second class with a somewhat different focus and papers instead of exams. That has been helping a bit, but I just question if I can keep this up for 2.5-3 more years. I don't want to quit my job because I'm an older student and can't stomach the thought of spending ALL my money again and going into debt at this point in my life - which I've done before for another grad degree that I did complete but doesn't feel relevant any longer to what I want to do in the future. I kind of want to get my own apartment or even buy an apartment and have a dog or something at some point, but can't really afford that on my current salary, and while going to school. I just don't really like/feel excited about what I'm doing right now for work and do feel excited about the degree.
I don't know, I guess I'm feeling discouraged. Any pointers on moving forward on a degree that you might only be mediocre in, and doing it while having to swear off a lot of the fun things in life for a few years when you'd really like to spend time nurturing your sanity, to meet the aim of a possibly more satisfying career if you don't flunk out first?
Based on what you've written, it sounds like this could be a combination of poor test-taking skills/test anxiety and what was a poorly constructed test in the first place. I didn't do a degree in statistics and I teach in a different discipline so maybe I'm off base (someone pls correct me if so), but it seems ludicrous to me that the class average on an exam would be so low in a graduate class?
Anyway, to me what seems most important to me (again however I am in a different discipline) is that you are doing well on assignments and understand the material. In the end, this is what is most likely to influence your success in your actual job, not how you perform on a timed exercise where you have to pull a bunch of information out of memory while feeling stressed and anxious. Maybe some day to day job duties are like exam-taking, but I would argue they are likely a minority. Metahawk's suggestion to get a good understanding of what the jobs you'd be applying for are like is great.
You should also try to really analyze what is going wrong on the tests, as you suggested you will. Is it calculation errors, mis-reading questions, not understanding "trick" questions, not actually understanding material or concepts, difficulty applying concepts to answer questions, lack of sufficient detail in your answers, etc.? Depending on your prof, they may be open to sitting down with you and helping with this. One tip I have told students is to read the question more than once- sometimes this helps catch an initial misunderstanding. If you think anxiety is getting in the way, maybe you could work on some strategies for addressing that and it would lead to better test results.
Finally, it's really hard to be working full time plus doing a graduate degree. Since you're not enjoying your paid work, and are excited about the degree, would it be possible to cut down your hours? Or even find a different position that isn't full time? A different balance between school and work might help you immerse more in the material without feeling exhausted and burned out .
Best of luck!
posted by DTMFA at 6:29 PM on February 10, 2021 [6 favorites]
Anyway, to me what seems most important to me (again however I am in a different discipline) is that you are doing well on assignments and understand the material. In the end, this is what is most likely to influence your success in your actual job, not how you perform on a timed exercise where you have to pull a bunch of information out of memory while feeling stressed and anxious. Maybe some day to day job duties are like exam-taking, but I would argue they are likely a minority. Metahawk's suggestion to get a good understanding of what the jobs you'd be applying for are like is great.
You should also try to really analyze what is going wrong on the tests, as you suggested you will. Is it calculation errors, mis-reading questions, not understanding "trick" questions, not actually understanding material or concepts, difficulty applying concepts to answer questions, lack of sufficient detail in your answers, etc.? Depending on your prof, they may be open to sitting down with you and helping with this. One tip I have told students is to read the question more than once- sometimes this helps catch an initial misunderstanding. If you think anxiety is getting in the way, maybe you could work on some strategies for addressing that and it would lead to better test results.
Finally, it's really hard to be working full time plus doing a graduate degree. Since you're not enjoying your paid work, and are excited about the degree, would it be possible to cut down your hours? Or even find a different position that isn't full time? A different balance between school and work might help you immerse more in the material without feeling exhausted and burned out .
Best of luck!
posted by DTMFA at 6:29 PM on February 10, 2021 [6 favorites]
Stats prof here. I agree it sounds like tests are the big issue, which means a couple of things.
(a) Don't take your poor performance on tests (especially MCQs!) as an indication that you're not up to the work or won't do well in the field. Any actual use of statistics in the real world is going to look far more like your homework than MCQ tests, which suck pedagogically. (I have to assume they're only using those because they don't have the resources to mark anything more appropriate. It's possible to design them well, but very hard, and it sounds like yours were not). If you're doing that well on homework, you get it.
(b) That said, for your own stress levels if nothing else, it's worth delving into what's going wrong with the tests. Don't study more - that's clearly not the problem. It's either test anxiety, or you haven't yet figured out the kind of questions that tend to be asked or what they tend to look for. I'd suggest you find someone in your class who does well on the test and just have them talk you through their reasoning as they picked their answers. You know the material so it wouldn't be about that, but what you're looking for is how they resolved ambiguous questions and things like that - how they simulated the mind of the teacher. This is worth paying someone an hour or a meal for.
Good luck! Please don't be down on yourself. This sounds hard and like you're doing really well.
posted by forza at 7:50 PM on February 10, 2021 [12 favorites]
(a) Don't take your poor performance on tests (especially MCQs!) as an indication that you're not up to the work or won't do well in the field. Any actual use of statistics in the real world is going to look far more like your homework than MCQ tests, which suck pedagogically. (I have to assume they're only using those because they don't have the resources to mark anything more appropriate. It's possible to design them well, but very hard, and it sounds like yours were not). If you're doing that well on homework, you get it.
(b) That said, for your own stress levels if nothing else, it's worth delving into what's going wrong with the tests. Don't study more - that's clearly not the problem. It's either test anxiety, or you haven't yet figured out the kind of questions that tend to be asked or what they tend to look for. I'd suggest you find someone in your class who does well on the test and just have them talk you through their reasoning as they picked their answers. You know the material so it wouldn't be about that, but what you're looking for is how they resolved ambiguous questions and things like that - how they simulated the mind of the teacher. This is worth paying someone an hour or a meal for.
Good luck! Please don't be down on yourself. This sounds hard and like you're doing really well.
posted by forza at 7:50 PM on February 10, 2021 [12 favorites]
It may also be a bad fit with this professor - if you can, take classes with other professors and see if their teaching style works better for you.
posted by mogget at 8:58 PM on February 10, 2021
posted by mogget at 8:58 PM on February 10, 2021
Overly opinionated response:
1) I think a 10 question MC/TF test is basically a garbage assessment at any level. Either it's too easy and everyone does well (yours wasn't), or it's tricky in weird ways, and small errors can tank your score even if you mostly knew the material.
1.5) Really, a MC/TF test at the grad level? What. I am really angry on your behalf here.
2) Practical advice: I teach math to undergrads, currently combinatorics, probability, and statistics. They often think my tests are wildly harder than their HW, but if we sit down question by question, I can point out exactly what similar homework problems they did. Still, many have a small twist of some sort. Some advice I give my students for reviewing is to take problems that were assigned and explore whether they can still solve the problem if they change a small detail. This change in perspective often pushes them to give better big picture summaries of how they solved the original problem, in addition to pushing them to grow a bit.
With combinatorics, this can admittedly go off the rails in no time, so I caution them not to get to concerned if a small change makes something WAY more difficult; they can ignore such modifications. In math lingo, I'd say I want them to build an epsilon bubble around their understanding, i.e. expand just a tiny bit from what we've done together. Once they are comfortable there, expand a bit more. Repeat as needed.
When reviewing, you should not just be checking if you understand solutions after the fact, but asking how you would come up with solutions quickly for slightly modified problems.
3) I straight up "graduate school failed" a course (i.e. got a C) that I just couldn't deal with at the time. In my situation, nobody cared at all about my grades in grad school; what mattered was that I was doing (and communicating) good research. I don't know if it will be the same with your life plans, but maybe? (I should say this grading scheme is likely not universal, and I don't want to insult anybody who honestly earned a C. But in my program and many similar ones, a C was code for an F.)
4) I agree with forza's statement that long involved homework problems or projects that take a good deal of time to think through are much more representative of how you'll actually use the material in actual applications later on.
posted by ktkt at 1:27 AM on February 11, 2021 [3 favorites]
1) I think a 10 question MC/TF test is basically a garbage assessment at any level. Either it's too easy and everyone does well (yours wasn't), or it's tricky in weird ways, and small errors can tank your score even if you mostly knew the material.
1.5) Really, a MC/TF test at the grad level? What. I am really angry on your behalf here.
2) Practical advice: I teach math to undergrads, currently combinatorics, probability, and statistics. They often think my tests are wildly harder than their HW, but if we sit down question by question, I can point out exactly what similar homework problems they did. Still, many have a small twist of some sort. Some advice I give my students for reviewing is to take problems that were assigned and explore whether they can still solve the problem if they change a small detail. This change in perspective often pushes them to give better big picture summaries of how they solved the original problem, in addition to pushing them to grow a bit.
With combinatorics, this can admittedly go off the rails in no time, so I caution them not to get to concerned if a small change makes something WAY more difficult; they can ignore such modifications. In math lingo, I'd say I want them to build an epsilon bubble around their understanding, i.e. expand just a tiny bit from what we've done together. Once they are comfortable there, expand a bit more. Repeat as needed.
When reviewing, you should not just be checking if you understand solutions after the fact, but asking how you would come up with solutions quickly for slightly modified problems.
3) I straight up "graduate school failed" a course (i.e. got a C) that I just couldn't deal with at the time. In my situation, nobody cared at all about my grades in grad school; what mattered was that I was doing (and communicating) good research. I don't know if it will be the same with your life plans, but maybe? (I should say this grading scheme is likely not universal, and I don't want to insult anybody who honestly earned a C. But in my program and many similar ones, a C was code for an F.)
4) I agree with forza's statement that long involved homework problems or projects that take a good deal of time to think through are much more representative of how you'll actually use the material in actual applications later on.
posted by ktkt at 1:27 AM on February 11, 2021 [3 favorites]
I'm currently not doing as well as I would like in a part-time second graduate degree that is directly related to my current role. It is eroding my self confidence a little bit - I really think I should be dong better than I actually am. I'm not very good at timed group work and that's been about 40% of the marks I've received so far. But, my job is not like my degree in the way that it's assessed, I get positive feedback from my boss, and I am learning things in my degree that I'm finding useful in my job. So I persevere.
If you enjoy the elements of the degree that are closest to the job you want to do, and you think you can see a way forward through the rest of it that you can achieve then it's worth persevering. This is particularly the case if you have any choice about remaining courses in terms of their content or how they're assessed.
If you're able to understand the material well enough to get good marks on the homework then I agree with others that you are spending enough time learning the material, and any extra effort is better spent on your test-taking strategies and skills - and if it's a mathematical tests you struggle with then specific support on that might be available from your university.
posted by plonkee at 3:33 AM on February 11, 2021 [1 favorite]
If you enjoy the elements of the degree that are closest to the job you want to do, and you think you can see a way forward through the rest of it that you can achieve then it's worth persevering. This is particularly the case if you have any choice about remaining courses in terms of their content or how they're assessed.
If you're able to understand the material well enough to get good marks on the homework then I agree with others that you are spending enough time learning the material, and any extra effort is better spent on your test-taking strategies and skills - and if it's a mathematical tests you struggle with then specific support on that might be available from your university.
posted by plonkee at 3:33 AM on February 11, 2021 [1 favorite]
I am a math professor, with experience teaching at the graduate level. I agree with some of the things mentioned above: T/F is a bad format for a statistics exam; if the entire class is doing poorly then the instructor bears some responsibility. Your description of your experience would be familiar to pretty much every college instructor. It sounds like you have a good work ethic and have put in the time, so please don't be hard on yourself.
I notice a couple of details in your description that point to something you may be able to change. Learning new material, especially at the graduate level, is not just about understanding it. It's about internalizing it to the point where you could do it yourself from scratch. When you say you 'review' homework and notes, that suggests to me that you're taking a passive approach to studying which may not be doing you any favors.
I think it's clear that you don't need to study more. Here are some ideas for making your study time more effective:
- Never look at the solution to a problem until you've finished working it, and only do so to double check that you did it correctly. Using example problems / posted solutions to guide you as you work is a bad idea. True understanding comes only after some time spent in frustrating confusion. This is especially true in Math and Stats.
- Make your own set of notes independent of the lecture notes, or recopy the lecture notes while significantly reorganizing them and enriching them yourself. Reach back into the semester to make connections. Look forward in the text to predict future connections. Do this by hand.
- Find someone to whom you can teach the homework problems to. Classmates are great for this; you can make it reciprocal. Students often don't know they have gaps in their understanding until they're asked to explain the material to another person.
- Try to predict future exam and homework problems. Putting yourself in the mind of a teacher is a great way to be in the right mindset for learning.
Good luck! You made it this far; you absolutely are capable of succeeding. Your mindset here will be important, as will your willingness to try new approaches until you find what works for you.
posted by dbx at 4:43 AM on February 11, 2021 [12 favorites]
I notice a couple of details in your description that point to something you may be able to change. Learning new material, especially at the graduate level, is not just about understanding it. It's about internalizing it to the point where you could do it yourself from scratch. When you say you 'review' homework and notes, that suggests to me that you're taking a passive approach to studying which may not be doing you any favors.
I think it's clear that you don't need to study more. Here are some ideas for making your study time more effective:
- Never look at the solution to a problem until you've finished working it, and only do so to double check that you did it correctly. Using example problems / posted solutions to guide you as you work is a bad idea. True understanding comes only after some time spent in frustrating confusion. This is especially true in Math and Stats.
- Make your own set of notes independent of the lecture notes, or recopy the lecture notes while significantly reorganizing them and enriching them yourself. Reach back into the semester to make connections. Look forward in the text to predict future connections. Do this by hand.
- Find someone to whom you can teach the homework problems to. Classmates are great for this; you can make it reciprocal. Students often don't know they have gaps in their understanding until they're asked to explain the material to another person.
- Try to predict future exam and homework problems. Putting yourself in the mind of a teacher is a great way to be in the right mindset for learning.
Good luck! You made it this far; you absolutely are capable of succeeding. Your mindset here will be important, as will your willingness to try new approaches until you find what works for you.
posted by dbx at 4:43 AM on February 11, 2021 [12 favorites]
As sympathy, I had a professor in grad school who did only MCQ, even for areas where they don't really fit. He made us do the grading (swap papers, then go through them on the board -- he obviously hated grading). This process would almost *always* lead to a number of students talking to him during the review about the answer not being clear and he would say "that is the best answer," and it would be the end of it.
After a few of those, I started being super careful about the MCQs, trying to put myself in his head instead of using my own reasoning. Luckily the project for the class was interesting as otherwise this guy was in the column of profs who make an argument against tenure by their mere existence.
So, not sure if that helps, but as folks upthread have noted, MCQs are a horrible evaluation tool and a test that is only them is not a great evaluator of anything other than if you can get in the prof's head, so don't feel that not doing great here invalidates your ability to do this work from a more practical perspective.
posted by chiefthe at 5:55 AM on February 11, 2021
After a few of those, I started being super careful about the MCQs, trying to put myself in his head instead of using my own reasoning. Luckily the project for the class was interesting as otherwise this guy was in the column of profs who make an argument against tenure by their mere existence.
So, not sure if that helps, but as folks upthread have noted, MCQs are a horrible evaluation tool and a test that is only them is not a great evaluator of anything other than if you can get in the prof's head, so don't feel that not doing great here invalidates your ability to do this work from a more practical perspective.
posted by chiefthe at 5:55 AM on February 11, 2021
Is this a terminal degree? (i.e., not a masters as a step toward a PhD?) If so, nobody will ever see your grades. I got a C- in grad school because the professor felt bad about failing me. They had to check the rulebook to figure out whether or not it counted toward my degree. (I'm now a professor at a fancy school.) My advice is to find the things you're good at and enjoy and focus on that. It could be that's in a different field, or outside of academia entirely, which is not a bad thing. But, one class doesn't determine that. All of your professors have taken classes that they would fail a test on today.
(Calling out faculty for their accents, though, is unlikely to win you many friends. You work in an international field. Having to listen to accents is nothing compared to having to teach in a foreign language.)
Best wishes and good luck.
posted by eotvos at 5:57 AM on February 11, 2021 [3 favorites]
(Calling out faculty for their accents, though, is unlikely to win you many friends. You work in an international field. Having to listen to accents is nothing compared to having to teach in a foreign language.)
Best wishes and good luck.
posted by eotvos at 5:57 AM on February 11, 2021 [3 favorites]
I noticed two things missing from your post:
1. Talk to the professor about their experiences with students like you (do most pass?) and with their expectations for the test (what was an A, after all?). What do they suggest you do to improve or feel more confident?
As a prof, I do not at all aim for tests where most people will get 90% right; while feel-good for most, those tests tell me nothing. And I'm here to teach, not to make you feel good (sorry, but).
Instead, I design tests to figure out what you know and what you don't know. For me, a good test is one where grades are spread widely between say 30 and 80. There's a lot of information in those scores. I tell my students what my goal is up front, and I assure them that the percent score has zero correspondence to a letter grade. I post grade distributions with letter grades above them (not guaranteeing a specific grade, but tells you what your neighborhood is).
2. Talk to your grad program directors, about students who have experiences like yours. Do they expect you to pass? Is this an oddball-hard class? They have lots of perspective that you need to hear. And they need to hear about it if you're struggling.
posted by Dashy at 6:41 AM on February 11, 2021 [2 favorites]
1. Talk to the professor about their experiences with students like you (do most pass?) and with their expectations for the test (what was an A, after all?). What do they suggest you do to improve or feel more confident?
As a prof, I do not at all aim for tests where most people will get 90% right; while feel-good for most, those tests tell me nothing. And I'm here to teach, not to make you feel good (sorry, but).
Instead, I design tests to figure out what you know and what you don't know. For me, a good test is one where grades are spread widely between say 30 and 80. There's a lot of information in those scores. I tell my students what my goal is up front, and I assure them that the percent score has zero correspondence to a letter grade. I post grade distributions with letter grades above them (not guaranteeing a specific grade, but tells you what your neighborhood is).
2. Talk to your grad program directors, about students who have experiences like yours. Do they expect you to pass? Is this an oddball-hard class? They have lots of perspective that you need to hear. And they need to hear about it if you're struggling.
posted by Dashy at 6:41 AM on February 11, 2021 [2 favorites]
Seconding that tests where "everyone does well" mean that in reality, the major differentiator between top scorers and bottom scorers is a few tiny errors, which could just be the result of chance. This might be appropriate for some kind of certification where you really need to know a set of facts perfectly with zero mistakes, but for a graduate science/math class that is supposed to be measuring your ability to master conceptually difficult material, I don't think it would be appropriate. However, tests that are mostly intentionally-tricky "gotcha" questions are also not great pedagogy. You want a test to be challenging but not unfair.
The fact that you're doing that well on homework and take-home exams in grad classes is a great sign that you are, in fact, cut out for this. Please don't let this one bad experience derail you!
(Also, if you are part of a group that is minoritized in STEM, as much as possible, try to channel the unearned confidence of a mediocre white guy. There was a great story in the NYT about a Big Deal female physicist who almost switched majors after getting a bad grade in an undergrad class, until her prof told her how many classes he did poorly in. At least anecdotally, I saw this happen when I was a TA, where straight-cis-white-guys were much more likely to stick with this really intense rigorous program after the first and second years, despite doing objectively worse and having less talent than many of their counterparts who dropped out. Obviously this kind of thing also shouldn't be your responsibility to fix, but it can be useful to know that this is a real phenomenon, in order to help inoculate yourself against it.)
There are a few possible diagnoses here. One is that you just had kind of a bad unfair test and you are spiraling (it happens). To see if there's anything you can glean with this I would recommend doing a post-mortem with a couple of people in the class who did well, to see how they got to the answers that you missed. Another is that you need help specifically with test-taking. The biggest tip I can give here is to practice under the conditions you'll experience during the test itself, including time-limits, strictness about getting up, etc. This will help not only with anxiety but also with strategy: how much time do you devote to each question, etc. The third thing is that maybe there is something about your studying strategy that is inefficient. Cal Newport (see calnewport.com/blog) has a lot of great examples of how to spend less time studying for STEM classes while also getting more out of each session. As others have mentioned, passive review is a very tempting and soothing strategy that is actually not very effective; maybe that's not actually what you were doing but it's worth mentioning just in case.
To speak to your second question: I did a 7 year PhD in a small town that grated on me and then a 7 year postdoc in a city that I really liked but was mostly too broke and busy to really enjoy, so I feel well-qualified to answer this question. As a result, I feel like I'm hitting a lot of "markers of adulthood" about a decade later than a lot of my friends. Based on what I do or don't regret, my advice would be to chart a middle path here. On the one hand, stop comparing yourself to your friends posting on social media who have normal jobs, or to imagined standards of what you think people your age "should" be doing. On the other hand, find a way to figure out what you feel like you're missing in your life and to bring some part of it into your life now. If you really want a dog but your life feels too temporary to commit to one right now, maybe you can foster a dog, or if you feel too busy, maybe you can volunteer at an animal shelter one day a week (obviously some of this will be easier post-Covid but you get the idea).
As far as money goes, I know most of us internalize the idea that all debt is always bad, and you obviously don't want to be irresponsible. But for things that make a big quality-of-life difference, it can make sense to choose to take on more debt or to pay it off slower, as long as you're doing it strategically and not just by paper-cutting yourself to death with little bits of mindless over-spending. I chose to move to a very expensive city where I had a very long commute for a year between my PhD and postdoc and while I'm sure many people would look at that and say what a terrible financial decision, for me it was worth it to be around more queer people my age and go to fantastic $10 concerts and people-watch and feel like I wasn't living in a monastery on the weekends.
Honestly, a span of four years is going to fly by. In a couple of years, in some ways it will still feel like you posted this question yesterday. That's both good and bad. On the one hand, it means that the sacrifice isn't as big as it feels right now! On the other hand, it also means life goes by quickly, and so it's easy to let time pass while putting off the things that would really make you happy. Hence the "middle path" advice. It sounds like you're excited about this program and where it could lead, so don't let this experience throw you off, but also see if there's anything you can do to make your life easier and richer right now, even if there may be some temporary costs, because this still "counts" as your life.
posted by en forme de poire at 9:30 AM on February 11, 2021 [3 favorites]
The fact that you're doing that well on homework and take-home exams in grad classes is a great sign that you are, in fact, cut out for this. Please don't let this one bad experience derail you!
(Also, if you are part of a group that is minoritized in STEM, as much as possible, try to channel the unearned confidence of a mediocre white guy. There was a great story in the NYT about a Big Deal female physicist who almost switched majors after getting a bad grade in an undergrad class, until her prof told her how many classes he did poorly in. At least anecdotally, I saw this happen when I was a TA, where straight-cis-white-guys were much more likely to stick with this really intense rigorous program after the first and second years, despite doing objectively worse and having less talent than many of their counterparts who dropped out. Obviously this kind of thing also shouldn't be your responsibility to fix, but it can be useful to know that this is a real phenomenon, in order to help inoculate yourself against it.)
There are a few possible diagnoses here. One is that you just had kind of a bad unfair test and you are spiraling (it happens). To see if there's anything you can glean with this I would recommend doing a post-mortem with a couple of people in the class who did well, to see how they got to the answers that you missed. Another is that you need help specifically with test-taking. The biggest tip I can give here is to practice under the conditions you'll experience during the test itself, including time-limits, strictness about getting up, etc. This will help not only with anxiety but also with strategy: how much time do you devote to each question, etc. The third thing is that maybe there is something about your studying strategy that is inefficient. Cal Newport (see calnewport.com/blog) has a lot of great examples of how to spend less time studying for STEM classes while also getting more out of each session. As others have mentioned, passive review is a very tempting and soothing strategy that is actually not very effective; maybe that's not actually what you were doing but it's worth mentioning just in case.
To speak to your second question: I did a 7 year PhD in a small town that grated on me and then a 7 year postdoc in a city that I really liked but was mostly too broke and busy to really enjoy, so I feel well-qualified to answer this question. As a result, I feel like I'm hitting a lot of "markers of adulthood" about a decade later than a lot of my friends. Based on what I do or don't regret, my advice would be to chart a middle path here. On the one hand, stop comparing yourself to your friends posting on social media who have normal jobs, or to imagined standards of what you think people your age "should" be doing. On the other hand, find a way to figure out what you feel like you're missing in your life and to bring some part of it into your life now. If you really want a dog but your life feels too temporary to commit to one right now, maybe you can foster a dog, or if you feel too busy, maybe you can volunteer at an animal shelter one day a week (obviously some of this will be easier post-Covid but you get the idea).
As far as money goes, I know most of us internalize the idea that all debt is always bad, and you obviously don't want to be irresponsible. But for things that make a big quality-of-life difference, it can make sense to choose to take on more debt or to pay it off slower, as long as you're doing it strategically and not just by paper-cutting yourself to death with little bits of mindless over-spending. I chose to move to a very expensive city where I had a very long commute for a year between my PhD and postdoc and while I'm sure many people would look at that and say what a terrible financial decision, for me it was worth it to be around more queer people my age and go to fantastic $10 concerts and people-watch and feel like I wasn't living in a monastery on the weekends.
Honestly, a span of four years is going to fly by. In a couple of years, in some ways it will still feel like you posted this question yesterday. That's both good and bad. On the one hand, it means that the sacrifice isn't as big as it feels right now! On the other hand, it also means life goes by quickly, and so it's easy to let time pass while putting off the things that would really make you happy. Hence the "middle path" advice. It sounds like you're excited about this program and where it could lead, so don't let this experience throw you off, but also see if there's anything you can do to make your life easier and richer right now, even if there may be some temporary costs, because this still "counts" as your life.
posted by en forme de poire at 9:30 AM on February 11, 2021 [3 favorites]
There are almost certainly multiple things going on here, but it sounds like one of them relates to study methods, as other folks have mentioned. Check out The Learning Scientists for research/evidence-based advice on study skills, especially their six strategies for effective learning. (The link to videos is a good one to follow first.)
Many of us who ended up pursuing graduate school found earlier stages of school easy enough that we didn't really have to develop good/efficient study skills. You successfully got through everything before this and got accepted in to graduate school - a very strong indication that you have the necessary drive, interest, and a significant majority of the requisite background knowledge and understanding for the graduate program that you are in! Graduate school is generally a couple steps more challenging than undergraduate programs, though; if this is the first time you are finding academics to be quite so much of a challenge, that's very normal. Some background reading on metacognition and growth mindsets might also be helpful. Eg. the book "Mathematical Mindsets" focuses more on grade school in the examples given, but is still quite useful at all levels for understanding some of how the relevant education and cognitive science research applies specifically to learning math. One thing to keep an eye out for, with the negative testing experiences you have been having, is ways to counteract math anxiety (the development of which would be a pretty natural outcome of your experiences, from your description).
posted by eviemath at 9:08 PM on February 11, 2021 [1 favorite]
Many of us who ended up pursuing graduate school found earlier stages of school easy enough that we didn't really have to develop good/efficient study skills. You successfully got through everything before this and got accepted in to graduate school - a very strong indication that you have the necessary drive, interest, and a significant majority of the requisite background knowledge and understanding for the graduate program that you are in! Graduate school is generally a couple steps more challenging than undergraduate programs, though; if this is the first time you are finding academics to be quite so much of a challenge, that's very normal. Some background reading on metacognition and growth mindsets might also be helpful. Eg. the book "Mathematical Mindsets" focuses more on grade school in the examples given, but is still quite useful at all levels for understanding some of how the relevant education and cognitive science research applies specifically to learning math. One thing to keep an eye out for, with the negative testing experiences you have been having, is ways to counteract math anxiety (the development of which would be a pretty natural outcome of your experiences, from your description).
posted by eviemath at 9:08 PM on February 11, 2021 [1 favorite]
Also relevant: I saw a Facebook meme this week regarding the tendency that many of us have to get really down on ourselves when we don't meet our desired productivity goals. It encouraged folks to reframe that by asking ourselves the question, "what is going on right now that is causing me to feel so tired?" In your case, it sounds like the answer is A LOT - you have a lot going on, particularly in the middle of a pandemic! Is there any way to reprioritize or shift some commitments around? Would it be possible for you to work a little bit fewer hours per week? Or to spread out your coursework for your program a little more? Is there anyone in your household who could take on more home tasks during the academic semesters? The answers to all of the above may well be "no", in which case you might need to be more strategic around details like, what is good enough at work or in your classes in order to meet your long term goals?
posted by eviemath at 9:20 PM on February 11, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by eviemath at 9:20 PM on February 11, 2021 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Quick happy update: I got an A in the class in the end! Thank goodness for things being graded on curves... though I did improve on the final exam as well, and many of your study tips were useful, so thanks!
posted by knownfossils at 5:20 PM on March 31, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by knownfossils at 5:20 PM on March 31, 2021 [5 favorites]
Congrats! Curve notwithstanding, I hope you’re giving yourself some credit and letting it sink in how resourceful and effective you were able to be, especially under a lot of pressure in very non-ideal circumstances. Some people in academia I know keep a file of their “wins” to return to when things are tough, since positive reinforcement can be so rare and impostor syndrome is so common; something that reminds you of how you were able to turn things around and succeed here might be a good candidate for such a file.
posted by en forme de poire at 9:45 AM on April 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by en forme de poire at 9:45 AM on April 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
There is a joke: Do you know what the call the person who graduates at the bottom of their class in medical school? Answer: Doctor. Which fine, if you really want to be doctor at the end of all of it. But if you aren't sure whether if would really be a more satisfying career at the end of it, then I think that is the question to answer first.
posted by metahawk at 6:03 PM on February 10, 2021 [3 favorites]