What can a 4-year-old do quietly for 1-2 hours?
February 7, 2021 3:04 PM Subscribe
My 4.5-year-old's preschool has a scheduled nap time, during which the kids are supposed to go to sleep or at least be quiet. My kid has been getting into trouble because he will *not* be quiet and is now frustrated and acting out, and I'm trying to figure out options.
Napping is out of the question (he quit afternoon naps quite a while ago), so the question is what he can do quietly without disturbing the other kids and teachers.
Due to Covid, we have somewhat limited communication with his preschool class teachers, but it appears that he was earlier given books, demonstrated a habit of reading loudly (he's a pretty loud kid in general), and now is not even given books. I don't think reading silently is something he can do at his current stage of development.
Things have worsened to the point where it appears he is frustrated by the situation, has come to dislike school, and is behaving poorly to teachers telling him to be quiet during nap time.
We plan to conference with the teachers soon, but would like to be able to bring some ideas to the meeting.
Are there any suggestions for an activity a kid can do quietly while other kids are trying to sleep in the same room? Or any other suggestions? Thanks so much, this is stressing my whole family, as well as his schoolteachers.
Napping is out of the question (he quit afternoon naps quite a while ago), so the question is what he can do quietly without disturbing the other kids and teachers.
Due to Covid, we have somewhat limited communication with his preschool class teachers, but it appears that he was earlier given books, demonstrated a habit of reading loudly (he's a pretty loud kid in general), and now is not even given books. I don't think reading silently is something he can do at his current stage of development.
Things have worsened to the point where it appears he is frustrated by the situation, has come to dislike school, and is behaving poorly to teachers telling him to be quiet during nap time.
We plan to conference with the teachers soon, but would like to be able to bring some ideas to the meeting.
Are there any suggestions for an activity a kid can do quietly while other kids are trying to sleep in the same room? Or any other suggestions? Thanks so much, this is stressing my whole family, as well as his schoolteachers.
Honestly, I'm surprised by the school. My son was a great napper, but his preschool recognized that not all kids were good nappers or could play quietly during nap time, and had those kids break off into another room to do a low-key play or outside recess. Are there really no other 4-year-olds in your son's class that are not napping/able to play quietly? I'd put this on the school - they strike me as completely out of touch with toddlers/children if they can't figure this one out.
As for activities he could do quietly *in a separate space* - playing with duplos, cars, blocks, painting or another craft are all low key/restful activities. At the same time though, he may just need more run around time - so could they give him another recess?
posted by Toddles at 3:21 PM on February 7, 2021 [51 favorites]
As for activities he could do quietly *in a separate space* - playing with duplos, cars, blocks, painting or another craft are all low key/restful activities. At the same time though, he may just need more run around time - so could they give him another recess?
posted by Toddles at 3:21 PM on February 7, 2021 [51 favorites]
Best answer: What about activity books? I’m thinking coloring most generally, but we also have some look-and-find books (kind of like Where’s Waldo but with different things to find) that our 4 year old enjoys.
posted by kevinbelt at 3:24 PM on February 7, 2021
posted by kevinbelt at 3:24 PM on February 7, 2021
Also want to add, though some kids (mine included) can keep their nap well past 4, it is pretty rare. It's hard for me to imagine getting in a conflict with a 4.5 year old for not napping.
posted by Toddles at 3:25 PM on February 7, 2021 [9 favorites]
posted by Toddles at 3:25 PM on February 7, 2021 [9 favorites]
Seconding others that I feel like the school is not handling this appropriately. Expecting a 4 year old to be quiet for 2 hours sounds like expecting water not to flow downhill, and breeding a resentment of school at this early age is probably not the best of ideas.
posted by Aleyn at 3:44 PM on February 7, 2021 [32 favorites]
posted by Aleyn at 3:44 PM on February 7, 2021 [32 favorites]
Best answer: I have some side-eye for this inability to address your child's real and legitimate needs.
Is there outdoor/ physical activity time earlier in the day? 4 year olds have lots of energy. Can you provide a tablet and headphones with Daniel Tiger videos and other appropriate kid stuff on it? Books & tape combinations sound good, audiobooks in general. For a 4 year old, an hour and a half is quite a long time.
posted by theora55 at 3:48 PM on February 7, 2021 [8 favorites]
Is there outdoor/ physical activity time earlier in the day? 4 year olds have lots of energy. Can you provide a tablet and headphones with Daniel Tiger videos and other appropriate kid stuff on it? Books & tape combinations sound good, audiobooks in general. For a 4 year old, an hour and a half is quite a long time.
posted by theora55 at 3:48 PM on February 7, 2021 [8 favorites]
Is his preschool adequately staffed? I know during Covid for some it has been a challenge. This sounds like a school problem rather than a kid problem - because 2 hours is waaayyy too long for a kid of his age to have to sit quietly. Do they have another classroom where he could be a "teacher helper"? Kids his age can help tidy/clean paint brushes (with supervision) /carry papers/other chores. For example -if he can successfully be quiet for 30-45 minutes - he can go help for X minutes and then come back for a little more quiet time.
posted by Gyre,Gimble,Wabe, Esq. at 3:48 PM on February 7, 2021 [11 favorites]
posted by Gyre,Gimble,Wabe, Esq. at 3:48 PM on February 7, 2021 [11 favorites]
Is there a place where he could videochat with a grandparent? I am a grandparent, an hour a day with my grandson far away would be a gift.
posted by theora55 at 4:09 PM on February 7, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 4:09 PM on February 7, 2021 [5 favorites]
Does he get adequate time to be loud prior to being expected to be quiet for so long?
posted by teremala at 4:14 PM on February 7, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by teremala at 4:14 PM on February 7, 2021 [2 favorites]
Best answer: My 4 year old was the same way. We tried headphones with an audiobook and other suggestions but he just would not be quiet and independent during nap and the school pushed back on me because they planned staff breaks during nap. Ultimately I had to remove him from school during nap time. If you can find a school that doesn’t require naps you will probably save yourself and your kid a lot of stress. I still resent what we went through and wish I had chosen a different school to begin with. Hindsight and all that.
posted by JenMarie at 4:28 PM on February 7, 2021 [9 favorites]
posted by JenMarie at 4:28 PM on February 7, 2021 [9 favorites]
My kid does activity books or puzzles, colors on the dry erase board, and lies down at intervals. It’s been a subject of discussion with her and us and her teachers over the last year at least, and she has resigned herself to the long quiet time. It is frustrating!
posted by Lawn Beaver at 4:29 PM on February 7, 2021
posted by Lawn Beaver at 4:29 PM on February 7, 2021
Chiming in that this is a school problem. That said, audiobooks/stories are probably your best bet.
posted by warriorqueen at 4:52 PM on February 7, 2021
posted by warriorqueen at 4:52 PM on February 7, 2021
Just another voice agreeing that this is a totally unreasonable amount of time to expect a 4-year-old to be quiet. At 3 there is usually a mix of nappers and non-nappers. By 4 I would expect a few kids to still be napping but most not. I would not be surprised if, as others have mentioned, this is a covid staffing issue. It is really hard for many schools to keep teachers in the classroom because they can't have someone else from another pod swap in very easily. But whatever is going on, it can't be up to a 4-year-old to shoulder the burden. It may be worth checking in with other parents to see how their kids are handling this (long!) nap time. You've received some good ideas about how to keep a child occupied but maybe if there is a group having the same issue it will open up some additional possibilities.
posted by Viola Swamp at 5:05 PM on February 7, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Viola Swamp at 5:05 PM on February 7, 2021 [1 favorite]
According to my 9 year old, in her pre-school kids were allowed to play silently with a stuffed animal, but they had to stay on their nap cot.
posted by nickggully at 5:10 PM on February 7, 2021
posted by nickggully at 5:10 PM on February 7, 2021
Being told to be silent and still for that long when you're 4 and every one of your little cells is pushing you to run around is... I mean how is that even supposed to go? Like everyone else here I'm very skeptical that your boy is the only one in the class who isn't napping any longer. In any event, don't think forcing him to kill that much time and be frustrated and bored is a reasonable or healthy expectation. Obviously you could hypnotize him with a screen, but we're not here to encourage couch potato-dom.
It's one thing when a kid really needs a quiet rest because otherwise they are going to melt down later in the day; but you haven't mentioned that being the case.
This preschool may not be a great match.
posted by fingersandtoes at 5:19 PM on February 7, 2021 [1 favorite]
It's one thing when a kid really needs a quiet rest because otherwise they are going to melt down later in the day; but you haven't mentioned that being the case.
This preschool may not be a great match.
posted by fingersandtoes at 5:19 PM on February 7, 2021 [1 favorite]
This is a bit much. My child is the same age and their nap time for their 8-3 school is no more than an hour, and kids who don't nap or rest are allowed to do puzzles and color and probably other things.
posted by notjustthefish at 5:44 PM on February 7, 2021
posted by notjustthefish at 5:44 PM on February 7, 2021
You should not expect nor want a child at 4/5 to read silently. Reading out loud is part of their literacy development. Perhaps he can use a reading phone?
posted by archimago at 4:15 AM on February 8, 2021
posted by archimago at 4:15 AM on February 8, 2021
Yep, the expectation is not age-appropriate. Doesn't the school have an alternate room or play area for kids who don't nap? Do they not have staffing to provide supervision in this alternate space? I would suggest speaking to the school & staff on these terms rather than allowing them to frame it as "something is wrong with this 4 yr old".
If they pretend they have never faced this issue before they are being incredibly disingenuous and worse, they are showing you that they would rather malign your child and label the child as a problem child rather than own up to their own (perfectly understandable!) limitations honestly.
posted by MiraK at 5:03 AM on February 8, 2021 [1 favorite]
If they pretend they have never faced this issue before they are being incredibly disingenuous and worse, they are showing you that they would rather malign your child and label the child as a problem child rather than own up to their own (perfectly understandable!) limitations honestly.
posted by MiraK at 5:03 AM on February 8, 2021 [1 favorite]
I didn't know I could "read in my head" until I was explicitly told this when I was around 4 or 5. Maybe make sure he understands that people read not out loud all the time?
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:25 AM on February 8, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:25 AM on February 8, 2021 [1 favorite]
Best answer: My younger daughter was like this. Eventually they took her out of the classroom and had her help with things - she washed dishes and sorted snacks and helped deliver mail. At some point she also went to hang out with the next level room where there were no naps. I don't think the nap for the four year olds was two hours though - I think it was an hour, maybe with another 30 minutes of generally quieter activities in case some of the kids needed it.
posted by dpx.mfx at 9:26 AM on February 8, 2021
posted by dpx.mfx at 9:26 AM on February 8, 2021
This is a mindblowing cultural disconnect for me coming from the UK where kids his age would typically be doing a full day of education with zero opportunity for naps, let alone for two hours. That's a third of the school day!
I feel like the school are being unfair to him on two levels, firstly by not fully acknowledging that a child of nearly five has usually progressed beyond the need for naps, but also not acknowledging that a child of nearly five has usually not progressed to the point where they can quietly amuse themselves with a single activity for multiple hours on a daily basis.
"Reception" classes here (first year of compulsory schooling for kids aged 4-5) will usually be organised so that kids move frequently between activities, to accommodate short attention spans. So kids will flow between activity stations for literacy, sport, art, music, imaginative play and so forth. This works really well for keeping them engaged, but does require a minimum staffing level to be tenable.
If moving him to a better school isn't an option (or at least isn't an option right now, you might want to consider a setup closer to the activity stations format. E.g. having an audiobook with headphones that he can listen to passively, a musical instrument with headphones that he can play and some art supplied that he can doodle with. That way he can choose which activity to do and switch when his attention starts to wane.
I would also suggest engaging in imaginative play and trying to make the quietness into a game (ninjas, spies, etc) where he wins if he manages not to disturb or attract the attention of the others. It sounds like they've mostly just been telling him off, instead of praising him when he succeeds. At his age, it would be better if the praise came directly during or immediately after the naptime, (even a thumbs up from a member of staff might mean a great deal), but if they don't have the capacity then you could get him a reward chart at home of cool ninja stickers for every day he completes a 'silent mission'. Just to make sure he's getting some carrot as well as the stick.
posted by the latin mouse at 9:32 AM on February 8, 2021
I feel like the school are being unfair to him on two levels, firstly by not fully acknowledging that a child of nearly five has usually progressed beyond the need for naps, but also not acknowledging that a child of nearly five has usually not progressed to the point where they can quietly amuse themselves with a single activity for multiple hours on a daily basis.
"Reception" classes here (first year of compulsory schooling for kids aged 4-5) will usually be organised so that kids move frequently between activities, to accommodate short attention spans. So kids will flow between activity stations for literacy, sport, art, music, imaginative play and so forth. This works really well for keeping them engaged, but does require a minimum staffing level to be tenable.
If moving him to a better school isn't an option (or at least isn't an option right now, you might want to consider a setup closer to the activity stations format. E.g. having an audiobook with headphones that he can listen to passively, a musical instrument with headphones that he can play and some art supplied that he can doodle with. That way he can choose which activity to do and switch when his attention starts to wane.
I would also suggest engaging in imaginative play and trying to make the quietness into a game (ninjas, spies, etc) where he wins if he manages not to disturb or attract the attention of the others. It sounds like they've mostly just been telling him off, instead of praising him when he succeeds. At his age, it would be better if the praise came directly during or immediately after the naptime, (even a thumbs up from a member of staff might mean a great deal), but if they don't have the capacity then you could get him a reward chart at home of cool ninja stickers for every day he completes a 'silent mission'. Just to make sure he's getting some carrot as well as the stick.
posted by the latin mouse at 9:32 AM on February 8, 2021
Best answer: Former pre-school teacher/aide here: Afternoon naptime is usually what lets the all-day staff take their lunches and clean/set up for the afternoon class. They may have a staffing problem, or there may be other staff supervising naptime (instead of the regular teacher/aide) who is reporting the acting-out behavior when the teacher returns.
The preschool I worked at often had combined afternoon care where the 3-4.5 year olds napped together, with varying degrees of compliance. We also used music and musical storybooks to keep those who wouldn't sleep quietly engaged. We also, as the year progressed and kids matured, would split off into two nap groups, one that took the full period (which was often 1.5 to two hours) and one that had individual quiet time/naps that was still manageable for one-person to supervise.
It's hard to speculate what is going on here. I can't imagine this is the first time they've had a restless student. If the school can't (or won't) work with you and your son, it might be time to move on.
posted by ApathyGirl at 12:06 PM on February 8, 2021
The preschool I worked at often had combined afternoon care where the 3-4.5 year olds napped together, with varying degrees of compliance. We also used music and musical storybooks to keep those who wouldn't sleep quietly engaged. We also, as the year progressed and kids matured, would split off into two nap groups, one that took the full period (which was often 1.5 to two hours) and one that had individual quiet time/naps that was still manageable for one-person to supervise.
It's hard to speculate what is going on here. I can't imagine this is the first time they've had a restless student. If the school can't (or won't) work with you and your son, it might be time to move on.
posted by ApathyGirl at 12:06 PM on February 8, 2021
Agree with everyone that it’s an unreasonable expectation they have. When my 3 year old was in a similar situation I sent little toys and sticker activity books; the audiobook and Daniel Tiger ideas seem pretty good too. But the nicest-if-possible situation would be if his school had a “nap alternative” like playing outside...
posted by hungrytiger at 2:49 PM on February 8, 2021
posted by hungrytiger at 2:49 PM on February 8, 2021
Yes, this is a big failure by the school. My daughter dropped naps like a hot potato at age 2.5 and never looked back and she was far from the first kid to do this. They frequently sent her to the next-oldest classroom where napping was not a thing, or enlisted her to help the teachers which she was only too delighted to do.
posted by anderjen at 2:58 PM on February 8, 2021
posted by anderjen at 2:58 PM on February 8, 2021
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posted by nantucket at 3:14 PM on February 7, 2021 [18 favorites]