Two kittens have gotten off to a bad start; can we go back?
January 25, 2021 1:30 PM Subscribe
If you introduce two kittens and it doesn't work well (ie one attacking and overpowering the other till they both have to separated), is there any way to re-set? I'm worried they're never going to get along after such a bad start!
I bought a very rambunctious eight week old kitten a week ago and quickly realised through internet research that it would be better for her (and me) if I also get a companion of a similar age. So, one week later, when she'd settled in really well (apart from the play aggression directed at me), I bought her a friend of the same breed and one week apart.
This new friend, though, has I think been a little traumatised by living for a week with an older cat who beat her up repeatedly. She seems a little boney, needy and stressed which I guess is from a week of being bullied.
After a little period of keeping them apart and swapping the rooms they were in so they could smell eachother, and also after I just couldn't take the yowling of one of them if I was spending chunks of time with the other (I was worried I was doing them damage - especially the new nervous one) I introduced them. Probably too early I admit.
It seemed like it was going ok - there was some repricocity in their fighting, with little pauses, so it officially seemed like play - but the boisterous one, who is way more settled in and also now quite full in the belly, just keeps attacking the nervous and thinner one who has not fully had time to settle in. I think a well-ajusted kitten would just give her as good as she gets back; it starts of good natured but then as the other one is so much slower and nervous she starts to dominate. The nervous one keeps growling and occasionally hissing, which I've heard means she is not enjoying it, but she doesn't really defend herself - whereas the boisterous one often jumps really high and gets the nervous one in a neck lock. So then I wade in, shout no at the boisterous one and put her in another room for a while (which I feel so guilty for as she's just being a kitten!). I read that if you allow a dynamic to start then it will continue and I don't want kitten A to bully kitten B, who's already had a tough time.
I feel so guilty for introducing them both too early, but I also feel like now I've done it I can't go back - they both just yowl whenever I'm not with them, so I need to find a way to keep them together without traumatising the second one. The first one is SO full of energy, whereas I thnk the other probably hasn't been eating from the stress of the other cat.
Any advice on whether this can be corrected, or have I ruined this now?
I bought a very rambunctious eight week old kitten a week ago and quickly realised through internet research that it would be better for her (and me) if I also get a companion of a similar age. So, one week later, when she'd settled in really well (apart from the play aggression directed at me), I bought her a friend of the same breed and one week apart.
This new friend, though, has I think been a little traumatised by living for a week with an older cat who beat her up repeatedly. She seems a little boney, needy and stressed which I guess is from a week of being bullied.
After a little period of keeping them apart and swapping the rooms they were in so they could smell eachother, and also after I just couldn't take the yowling of one of them if I was spending chunks of time with the other (I was worried I was doing them damage - especially the new nervous one) I introduced them. Probably too early I admit.
It seemed like it was going ok - there was some repricocity in their fighting, with little pauses, so it officially seemed like play - but the boisterous one, who is way more settled in and also now quite full in the belly, just keeps attacking the nervous and thinner one who has not fully had time to settle in. I think a well-ajusted kitten would just give her as good as she gets back; it starts of good natured but then as the other one is so much slower and nervous she starts to dominate. The nervous one keeps growling and occasionally hissing, which I've heard means she is not enjoying it, but she doesn't really defend herself - whereas the boisterous one often jumps really high and gets the nervous one in a neck lock. So then I wade in, shout no at the boisterous one and put her in another room for a while (which I feel so guilty for as she's just being a kitten!). I read that if you allow a dynamic to start then it will continue and I don't want kitten A to bully kitten B, who's already had a tough time.
I feel so guilty for introducing them both too early, but I also feel like now I've done it I can't go back - they both just yowl whenever I'm not with them, so I need to find a way to keep them together without traumatising the second one. The first one is SO full of energy, whereas I thnk the other probably hasn't been eating from the stress of the other cat.
Any advice on whether this can be corrected, or have I ruined this now?
Ask a vet, or do some research yourself, on the Comfort Zone calming pheromone products vs. Feliway. I believe they are based on different pheromones, and one may be better for kittens.
I'd separate the kittens, feed up the smaller one, give the heartier one waaaay less territory for a while, and plan to spend a LOT of time playing with both of them.
Or, if you weren't too emotionally attached, I might return one or both and try again with littermates who are known to be compatible.
posted by amtho at 2:38 PM on January 25, 2021 [2 favorites]
I'd separate the kittens, feed up the smaller one, give the heartier one waaaay less territory for a while, and plan to spend a LOT of time playing with both of them.
Or, if you weren't too emotionally attached, I might return one or both and try again with littermates who are known to be compatible.
posted by amtho at 2:38 PM on January 25, 2021 [2 favorites]
Good advice above, I also have had luck with one of these tent/pens. They are big enough so you can stick one of the kittens inside with food, water, small litter box, bed, and toys. When my most recent kitten was 8-10 weeks, this is where he slept at night. It also allowed the older cat to hiss at him, but not attack him. And it also makes separating them easier once one of them hisses/growls.
It also can take a month or so for cats/kittens to adjust - my cat + kitten took about a month, now they cuddle. So don't worry, give it some time.
posted by coffeecat at 4:26 PM on January 25, 2021 [5 favorites]
It also can take a month or so for cats/kittens to adjust - my cat + kitten took about a month, now they cuddle. So don't worry, give it some time.
posted by coffeecat at 4:26 PM on January 25, 2021 [5 favorites]
There's two different varieties of Feliway available now, and the new multi-cat one is based on the hormones from nursing mothers, so should definitely work for kittens! It seemed to work well for our recent cat introduction, which also had a rough start. We were introducing a tiny kitten to an established adult cat, and it took a while to convince him the other cat wasn't going to eat him, but as he got bigger and more confident, they've worked it out.
One thing that can help (especially if you've got two humans available) is to play with both cats at the same time in close proximity. That way, they're both distracted and using up their energy, getting used to each others' presence, and not competing for attention. If you can really tire them out, you might even get them to nap near each other, which can really help.
posted by duien at 4:27 PM on January 25, 2021
One thing that can help (especially if you've got two humans available) is to play with both cats at the same time in close proximity. That way, they're both distracted and using up their energy, getting used to each others' presence, and not competing for attention. If you can really tire them out, you might even get them to nap near each other, which can really help.
posted by duien at 4:27 PM on January 25, 2021
Yes, separate them again. You definitely can reset their comfort level with each other. Give it a few more days or a couple of weeks totally separate, cats can live in a room for a while by themselves.
Its terribly annoying, but no cat ever died from yowling. On the other hand, cats can end up traumatized if they are bullied by another cat during kittenhood. Also, the "bully" kitten is likely feeling some threat / discomfort from the other, which is where the aggression comes from, so be nice to her, too.
Along with keeping them separated until they are comfortable with each other, give them tons of positive rewards when they are near each other, in smelling and seeing proximity. Like give them food on either side of a door, then move up to the door open feeding and petting. Give them treats they really like when they are around each other. Play with them separately, and then both at the same time. Just basically teach them good stuff happens when they spend time together.
Also shouting doesn't help either cat. You should pull them apart if one is really harming the other, but the shouting will just lead to skittishness, in both.
Cats live for a long time, and you never know what their personalities will be like, but you can definitely influence the relative peace and calm in the house.
posted by RajahKing at 11:35 AM on January 26, 2021
Its terribly annoying, but no cat ever died from yowling. On the other hand, cats can end up traumatized if they are bullied by another cat during kittenhood. Also, the "bully" kitten is likely feeling some threat / discomfort from the other, which is where the aggression comes from, so be nice to her, too.
Along with keeping them separated until they are comfortable with each other, give them tons of positive rewards when they are near each other, in smelling and seeing proximity. Like give them food on either side of a door, then move up to the door open feeding and petting. Give them treats they really like when they are around each other. Play with them separately, and then both at the same time. Just basically teach them good stuff happens when they spend time together.
Also shouting doesn't help either cat. You should pull them apart if one is really harming the other, but the shouting will just lead to skittishness, in both.
Cats live for a long time, and you never know what their personalities will be like, but you can definitely influence the relative peace and calm in the house.
posted by RajahKing at 11:35 AM on January 26, 2021
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Make sure there are a few nice places to sleep that feel safe for one kitten.
People may suggest Feliway, but I have a feeling it doesn't work on prepubescent cats, just like catnip doesn't. They're not ready yet for hormones or hormone analogues.
You haven't ruined it. It just takes a little time.
posted by zadcat at 1:57 PM on January 25, 2021 [2 favorites]