Mediocre kids movies please
January 16, 2021 10:58 AM Subscribe
Looking for non-dramatic movies for sensitive 8-11 yr olds.
Look we just cannot handle the dramatic tension even in "kids" movies right now. No dying Bambi's mother. No Pixar Lost Dead Parent, Favorite Toys Lost Forever, Montage to Watch While Crying, etc. Seriously the only Pixar mediocre enough is Cars, but really Planes would be better. (think about that sentence for a bit)
Basically we still want story but the risk or tension has to be low. Assume we already know about the Miyazaki movies. Animated or Comedy is good, live-action or documentaries OK.
Look we just cannot handle the dramatic tension even in "kids" movies right now. No dying Bambi's mother. No Pixar Lost Dead Parent, Favorite Toys Lost Forever, Montage to Watch While Crying, etc. Seriously the only Pixar mediocre enough is Cars, but really Planes would be better. (think about that sentence for a bit)
Basically we still want story but the risk or tension has to be low. Assume we already know about the Miyazaki movies. Animated or Comedy is good, live-action or documentaries OK.
Is the Emoji Movie mediocre enough? Potential drama:
Thumbs Up needs to be rescued from the trash bin oubliette at some point, evil robots are chasing the heroes and of course they are all racing the deadline to being permanently deleted. But I feel the drama is offset by the goofiness of the emoji characters and the not very inventive plot.
Our family (7 yo and 9 yo) enjoyed the plot and no one gnawed off their arm with the tension.
posted by Omnomnom at 11:07 AM on January 16, 2021
Thumbs Up needs to be rescued from the trash bin oubliette at some point, evil robots are chasing the heroes and of course they are all racing the deadline to being permanently deleted. But I feel the drama is offset by the goofiness of the emoji characters and the not very inventive plot.
Our family (7 yo and 9 yo) enjoyed the plot and no one gnawed off their arm with the tension.
posted by Omnomnom at 11:07 AM on January 16, 2021
I feel like some of the various Wallace and Gromits fit this? They are very low-stakes.
posted by goodbyewaffles at 11:09 AM on January 16, 2021 [14 favorites]
posted by goodbyewaffles at 11:09 AM on January 16, 2021 [14 favorites]
I feel like at this stage (my oldest is extremely sensitive to narrative) we watched a lot of Popular Mechanics for Kids, How It’s Made, and nature documentaries not involving animals like on volcanos.
posted by warriorqueen at 11:12 AM on January 16, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by warriorqueen at 11:12 AM on January 16, 2021 [5 favorites]
Do they have to be kids' movies specifically? Old musicals, especially the funny ones like Singin' in the Rain, work well for almost any age.
posted by trig at 11:12 AM on January 16, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by trig at 11:12 AM on January 16, 2021 [3 favorites]
Wallace and Gromit and of course Shaun the Sheep!
posted by Omnomnom at 11:13 AM on January 16, 2021 [10 favorites]
posted by Omnomnom at 11:13 AM on January 16, 2021 [10 favorites]
Harry & the Hendersons
Home Alone
The Muppet Movie!!!
posted by brookeb at 11:35 AM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
Home Alone
The Muppet Movie!!!
posted by brookeb at 11:35 AM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
Our kids struggled to manage the movie-length story narrative as it was too scary and intense, particularly for relatable drama (my kids were OK with cartoon violence/explosions, but cannot manage what might seem low-stakes: like if a favorite toy is misplaced). We, too, watched lots of How It's Made, Mighty Machines, and other non-story based shows for a long time.
For movies, Studio Ghibli movies have been increasingly successful: we progressed from My Neighbor Totoro to Kiki's delivery service (which are both fairly quiet tales). My sensitive child is saying the first movie we watched successfully was "The Lego Movie," but they were actually "Turbo" and "Cars". We also watched many Lego versions of movies: Lego Star Wars, Lego Batman, Lego Jurassic Park.
posted by Sauter Vaguely at 11:35 AM on January 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
For movies, Studio Ghibli movies have been increasingly successful: we progressed from My Neighbor Totoro to Kiki's delivery service (which are both fairly quiet tales). My sensitive child is saying the first movie we watched successfully was "The Lego Movie," but they were actually "Turbo" and "Cars". We also watched many Lego versions of movies: Lego Star Wars, Lego Batman, Lego Jurassic Park.
posted by Sauter Vaguely at 11:35 AM on January 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
If TV works, TVTropes has a list of iyashikei ("healing") anime; e.g. K-On! is on Netflix both subtitled and dubbed.
posted by Wobbuffet at 11:36 AM on January 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Wobbuffet at 11:36 AM on January 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
I recently watched one of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid movies and the drama was very low stakes and low tension.
posted by ejs at 11:37 AM on January 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by ejs at 11:37 AM on January 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
I love the studio Ghibli movies but I will warn you that Ponyo is actually kind of intense. When we were kids my brother really loved The Mighty Ducks. I really liked Big Bird in Japan, which does involve him getting lost but he remains safe throughout.
posted by mai at 12:04 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by mai at 12:04 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
Documentaries: My kid has greatly enjoyed Babies, The Eagle Huntress, Cosmos, and anything David Attenborough, cooking, or nature related.
Milo and Otis is a pretty chill kid’s movie.
posted by tchemgrrl at 12:08 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
Milo and Otis is a pretty chill kid’s movie.
posted by tchemgrrl at 12:08 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
Seconding the documentary Babies.
posted by BlahLaLa at 12:11 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by BlahLaLa at 12:11 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
Meet the Robinsons and the new Peter Rabbit movie feel like they might fit. Mary Poppins? Paddington possibly, but I recall the books more than the movie so can't totally vouch for it.
(Wind in the Willows unsettled me as a kid. The riverboat scene in particular. Don't know why. Not saying don't try it though!)
posted by brook horse at 12:12 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
(Wind in the Willows unsettled me as a kid. The riverboat scene in particular. Don't know why. Not saying don't try it though!)
posted by brook horse at 12:12 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
My 8 year old cannot handle tension either. Disney+ has reality competition shows called Shop Class and Be Our Chef that worked well.
Someone suggested Home Alone. We tried to watch last month and it was a disaster.
posted by Night_owl at 12:46 PM on January 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
Someone suggested Home Alone. We tried to watch last month and it was a disaster.
posted by Night_owl at 12:46 PM on January 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
Window Horses is a lovely, gentle animated movie with very low-stakes drama (the main character--voiced by Sandra Oh--is invited to a poetry festival in another country and has to gain the courage and self-confidence to attend). The one thing that might be an issue is that the main character's mother died in a car accident when she was young, but I don't think this is dwelled on. I'd preview first though.
(I have to disagree with the above recommendation of Home Alone--I watched it for the first time as an adult and was kind of shocked at how violent it was. Also, the story is stressful: Kevin gets left behind accidentally when the rest of the family goes on a trip to Paris, and they don't realize he's missing till it's too late, so then the mom is battling logistics to come back from Paris to get back to him. Plus there are burglars breaking into the family home and Kevin is Home Alone so he has to protect himself. On preview: jinx Night_owl.)
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:52 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
(I have to disagree with the above recommendation of Home Alone--I watched it for the first time as an adult and was kind of shocked at how violent it was. Also, the story is stressful: Kevin gets left behind accidentally when the rest of the family goes on a trip to Paris, and they don't realize he's missing till it's too late, so then the mom is battling logistics to come back from Paris to get back to him. Plus there are burglars breaking into the family home and Kevin is Home Alone so he has to protect himself. On preview: jinx Night_owl.)
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:52 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
My sister and I loved Those Magnificent Men and Their Flying Machines at that age. It's about a race and there's competition and losers as a result but overall low tension.
We also loved Short Circuit, which does have robot peril but pretty low key at that.
posted by Candleman at 1:20 PM on January 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
We also loved Short Circuit, which does have robot peril but pretty low key at that.
posted by Candleman at 1:20 PM on January 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
We just re-watched the Muppet Christmas Carol and it might fit the bill? I was surprised at how well it held up. I mean, there's some slightly scary bits but lots of forth wall breaking and it's muppets - I mean, how scary can Jacob Marley be when he's turned into the Marley brothers played by a singing Statler and Waldorf?
posted by true at 1:20 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by true at 1:20 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
I was absolutely horrified by the Muppet Christmas Carol, though I love it as an adult. The ghost of Christmas past is TERRIFYING. And I still sob uncontrollably when they see the future where Tiny Tim is dead (spoiler alert?)
I do think other Muppet movies might work, though.
posted by goodbyewaffles at 1:23 PM on January 16, 2021 [3 favorites]
I do think other Muppet movies might work, though.
posted by goodbyewaffles at 1:23 PM on January 16, 2021 [3 favorites]
If you're into series vs movie: Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir is on Netflix (and some also on Disney). It's TV-Y7 and rather low stakes for the most part. Monster of the week that always gets defeated, the fun comes from "what crazy sort of thing will they come up with this week" than any actual peril. The real fun is that it's more like a mild high school soap-opera among the students, adults, etc. in this Paris high school. It gets rather creative.
posted by zengargoyle at 1:53 PM on January 16, 2021
posted by zengargoyle at 1:53 PM on January 16, 2021
If you have Netflix, you can watch a few of the Rilakkuma and Kaoru episodes in sequence and it's almost like a movie! Most of the drama is the human dealing with ennui (there's not much drama).
posted by batter_my_heart at 1:54 PM on January 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by batter_my_heart at 1:54 PM on January 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
BLUEY, on Disney+. It’s a show, not a movie but it’s pure heartwarming and adorable. It’s for younger kids but my 12 and 9 year old love it.
posted by sleeping bear at 2:39 PM on January 16, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by sleeping bear at 2:39 PM on January 16, 2021 [6 favorites]
The 1998 Parent Trap is on Disney+
posted by ChuraChura at 3:19 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by ChuraChura at 3:19 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
Just about anything Disney from the 60s/70s? Herbie the Love Bug, the Don Knotts movies... that sort of thing
posted by kokaku at 3:36 PM on January 16, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by kokaku at 3:36 PM on January 16, 2021 [6 favorites]
Also,
Shelly Duvall's Faerie Tale Theatre, Tall Tales & Legends, and Bedtime Stories are three cable series from the 80s and early 90s that might be worth the hassle of tracking down.
posted by Beholder at 4:41 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
Shelly Duvall's Faerie Tale Theatre, Tall Tales & Legends, and Bedtime Stories are three cable series from the 80s and early 90s that might be worth the hassle of tracking down.
posted by Beholder at 4:41 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
I agree on trying older musicals, I'm thinking Singing in the Rain or The Music Man. Also, been a while since I saw it, but the Beatles movie A Hard Day's Night may work.
posted by gudrun at 5:07 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by gudrun at 5:07 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
Snoopy and Charlie Brown: The Peanuts Movie (2015) is a very gentle and sweet movie.
posted by Chesten at 5:24 PM on January 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Chesten at 5:24 PM on January 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
I have to mention that when my kids watched the original Diary of a Wimpy Kid they found the "Cheese Touch" scene absolutely horrifying (as in couldn't sleep from thinking about it!), so if your kids have issues with germs and stuff in these Difficult Times it might not be suitable.
posted by slightlybewildered at 5:32 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by slightlybewildered at 5:32 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
I was a sensitive child (I still cry when Littlefoot's mother dies in Land Before Time) and used to love Rocky and Bullwinkle reruns at that age. TV show rather than a movie, though. Also, Wishbone, if you can find it.
Might be a little slow for the 8 yo but, I Capture the Castle and Cold Comfort Farm might connect with the older kid. There's a hellfire-and-damnation sermon in the latter, but it's very much played for laughs.
posted by basalganglia at 5:38 PM on January 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
Might be a little slow for the 8 yo but, I Capture the Castle and Cold Comfort Farm might connect with the older kid. There's a hellfire-and-damnation sermon in the latter, but it's very much played for laughs.
posted by basalganglia at 5:38 PM on January 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
My kid is like this and cannot handle watching people getting in trouble or anything remotely “scary.” Movies are a total no-go, so he exclusively watches old episodes of Bill Nye the Science Guy, Brainchild (netflix), the Great British Baking Show, Legomasters, and a totally random homemade series on Hulu/YouTube called “Nordic Road Trip” where a guy from Florida travels around Scandinavia in an RV.
I have not successfully made it through an entire movie with my kid since the Mike Myers “Cat in the Hat” remake unexpectedly enthralled him during a hospital stay and in the weeks afterward. I expected to be up to date on all Pixar movies when I had a kid! Parenting is so weird.
posted by Maarika at 7:28 PM on January 16, 2021 [3 favorites]
I have not successfully made it through an entire movie with my kid since the Mike Myers “Cat in the Hat” remake unexpectedly enthralled him during a hospital stay and in the weeks afterward. I expected to be up to date on all Pixar movies when I had a kid! Parenting is so weird.
posted by Maarika at 7:28 PM on January 16, 2021 [3 favorites]
Some thoughts from my aged brain:
posted by Aleyn at 8:46 PM on January 16, 2021 [3 favorites]
- Animalympics, perhaps? Very low tension, just cartoon animals doing funny things. Dated references that will go over kids heads.
- Almost any Charlie Brown animated special would fit the bill, I think. Not all (Snoopy, Come Home comes to mind as one to skip), but most.
- Emperor's New Groove has some stakes and isn't devoid of tension, but it's very much comedy-forward and there are no deaths.
- I'd screen any of the Shelly Duvall's Faerie Tale Theatre shows first if you decide to go that route; some are fluffy and tame, some are definitely not.
- I don't know where anyone'd get the idea that Home Alone is even slightly low tension; the thing is about an abandoned kid protecting his home and self from peril by hurting people in "comedically" painful ways that make me, an adult, wince, and that's just one of its myriad of issues. It plays out like a Saw origin story.
- Milo & Otis frequently has the protagonists in peril and is the subject of allegations of animal cruelty.
- The Sandlot had "the Beast" which gave me nightmares as a kid. I'd probably skip it.
posted by Aleyn at 8:46 PM on January 16, 2021 [3 favorites]
"Nailed It," on Netflix, is a baking competition show with non-expert bakers. It's funny but not tense.
"Hilda," on Netflix, set in a magical Scandinavian world with trolls and elves, has a lot of action but not a lot of tension and it always turns out well.
Seconding the Lego Movie I and II. I remember Ralph Breaks the Internet and Wreck-It Ralph as being pretty low-stakes too.
posted by hungrytiger at 10:21 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
"Hilda," on Netflix, set in a magical Scandinavian world with trolls and elves, has a lot of action but not a lot of tension and it always turns out well.
Seconding the Lego Movie I and II. I remember Ralph Breaks the Internet and Wreck-It Ralph as being pretty low-stakes too.
posted by hungrytiger at 10:21 PM on January 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
Perhaps you might find a parents' review sites such as commonsensemedia.org helpful.
posted by fairmettle at 1:25 AM on January 17, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by fairmettle at 1:25 AM on January 17, 2021 [3 favorites]
Guy’s Grocery Games is low stakes, generous (not mean), and encourages problem-solving and cooking skills with our kids.
posted by childofTethys at 6:26 AM on January 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by childofTethys at 6:26 AM on January 17, 2021 [1 favorite]
-Chicken Run (the chickens are maybe going to get turned into pie I think, but that doesn't upset my sensitive kids the way "parents lost at sea" might)
-Great British Baking Show
-Daddy Day Care (check to see if the humor is okay for your house)
posted by zibra at 8:10 AM on January 18, 2021
-Great British Baking Show
-Daddy Day Care (check to see if the humor is okay for your house)
posted by zibra at 8:10 AM on January 18, 2021
Oh, the original Supermarket Sweep was a holy grail "everyone finds this acceptable" family viewing experience
posted by zibra at 8:12 AM on January 18, 2021
posted by zibra at 8:12 AM on January 18, 2021
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posted by MonkeyToes at 11:03 AM on January 16, 2021 [2 favorites]