Where Do people (Virtually) Hang Out These Days?
October 25, 2020 8:49 AM Subscribe
I get lonely at night, and don't have anyone to talk to. In pre-covid times I had a few activities I went out and did in order to meet and talk to people, or at least to get out of the house, but obviously, that's not possible right now. Are there places that people go to hang out on line just to talk?
Special requests inside.
I've never been a fan of spending a lot of time on the internet, but I really don't see any alternative right now. With no one to talk to, I wind up watching a lot of TV and going to bed early. After most of a year, this is getting old.
I'm a woman, not into professional sports, or gaming, or religion. I like books, movies, art, nature, gardens. I'm not interested in hooking up, or looking for any romantic/sexual relationship stuff. What can I do/where can I go on line to have a conversation with random people? Ideally some place with decent moderation that isn't full of trolls and people talking politics? Do any such places exist? I wouldn't be opposed to some sort of online game, but most likely I wouldn't be much good at anything not having played many before.
This is probably just wishful thinking on my part. If places like this existed we wouldn't have so many lonely folks in the first place I suppose. Still, just on the off chance someone has some ideas...
I've never been a fan of spending a lot of time on the internet, but I really don't see any alternative right now. With no one to talk to, I wind up watching a lot of TV and going to bed early. After most of a year, this is getting old.
I'm a woman, not into professional sports, or gaming, or religion. I like books, movies, art, nature, gardens. I'm not interested in hooking up, or looking for any romantic/sexual relationship stuff. What can I do/where can I go on line to have a conversation with random people? Ideally some place with decent moderation that isn't full of trolls and people talking politics? Do any such places exist? I wouldn't be opposed to some sort of online game, but most likely I wouldn't be much good at anything not having played many before.
This is probably just wishful thinking on my part. If places like this existed we wouldn't have so many lonely folks in the first place I suppose. Still, just on the off chance someone has some ideas...
For the most part, I see this kind of virtual hangout happen on Discord chats. I'm a part of several servers that are ostensibly single-topic, but in reality the discussion usually veers wildly off topic and becomes just people hanging out. If there's something specific you're into, you can search for Discord chats on the topic and then hang out with those people. I'm not entirely sure what the best way to find quality groups is, but they're definitely out there!
posted by LSK at 9:05 AM on October 25, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by LSK at 9:05 AM on October 25, 2020 [2 favorites]
mmetup.com- most of the meet-ups in my area are virtual now. You can join meet ups based on interest and many are discussion-based.
posted by bearette at 9:34 AM on October 25, 2020
posted by bearette at 9:34 AM on October 25, 2020
Not sure if this is what you're looking for, but there are some volunteer-type activities that might work, like being an online language exchange conversation partner (you don't actually have to be learning a language yourself), or volunteering to call people who are elderly or otherwise isolated because of the pandemic. If there aren't organized programs for that where you live, you could try calling local nursing homes (or religious organizations, if that still works for you) and asking if they have any residents who are lonely and would be interested in a regular chat. On a less purely conversational note there are also virtual volunteer opportunities for mentoring, helping immigrants settle in, etc. (And if you're American then phone banking over the next 2 weeks might also be a relevant way of talking with people, though I don't know how effective it would be for loneliness...)
posted by trig at 9:44 AM on October 25, 2020
posted by trig at 9:44 AM on October 25, 2020
Also I think there have been some virtual "IRL" metafilter meetups? You could start one of your own.
posted by trig at 9:47 AM on October 25, 2020
posted by trig at 9:47 AM on October 25, 2020
Seconding discord, it's really easy to set up a server and invite people, and supports text, voice and video. I put one up for a friend group at another site, and it's worked out well. I could throw one together for MeFites, if anyone's interested. I'm usually around to moderate and keep the trolls at bay. (Just don't consider it the "metafilter discord" or anything, I'm not a mod here, just some guy on the internet.)
posted by mrgoat at 10:59 AM on October 25, 2020 [8 favorites]
posted by mrgoat at 10:59 AM on October 25, 2020 [8 favorites]
I have always been a shy introvert who's Very Online, so my pandemic social routine looks a lot like my pre-pandemic routine: I'm on several Discord/Slack instances that are notionally organized around hobbies but are really places for people who met each other through hobbies to hang out and keep in touch. I've also been able to reconnect with childhood friends who mostly remained in/near my hometown (I moved for college/work and never went back), because they've set up a Discord to substitute for hanging out face-to-face, and at that point, I'm an equal participant again! The groups I've found are more diverse in age and other demographics than you might expect based on "nerds do nerd stuff." (Still not really a beacon of diversity/inclusion, but, not all 20-something white straight dudebros).
I have absolutely no idea how to share this with friends and loved ones who need a social outlet, but aren't historically Very Online, and/or don't have hobbies that tend to have big, active online communities. My wife, for instance, is having far more trouble with meeting her social needs than I am. She's joined a couple of meetup groups that are using Zoom due to the pandemic, but they seem to meet once or twice a month without any ongoing social activities between meetings (and for some reason, they all tend to schedule stuff on the same few evenings, so she's always missing something and then there are no events for days). There's a Discord for our city's subreddit, but it trends far younger than we are. Some of her childhood friends have a group text going, and a weekly two-hour hangout, but she wishes there was more interaction and she's not quite sure how to catalyze it.
I have been hoping that interest groups that are less traditional users of online community apps and related tech would start to adopt it, and that those groups might meet the needs of people like you and my wife, but so far I haven't found evidence of that happening. I would love to be proved wrong, and/or would love to support people in learning how to use the coping strategies I've developed to feel less alone in the current global pandemic situation, but I'm not sure how.
posted by Alterscape at 11:04 AM on October 25, 2020 [1 favorite]
I have absolutely no idea how to share this with friends and loved ones who need a social outlet, but aren't historically Very Online, and/or don't have hobbies that tend to have big, active online communities. My wife, for instance, is having far more trouble with meeting her social needs than I am. She's joined a couple of meetup groups that are using Zoom due to the pandemic, but they seem to meet once or twice a month without any ongoing social activities between meetings (and for some reason, they all tend to schedule stuff on the same few evenings, so she's always missing something and then there are no events for days). There's a Discord for our city's subreddit, but it trends far younger than we are. Some of her childhood friends have a group text going, and a weekly two-hour hangout, but she wishes there was more interaction and she's not quite sure how to catalyze it.
I have been hoping that interest groups that are less traditional users of online community apps and related tech would start to adopt it, and that those groups might meet the needs of people like you and my wife, but so far I haven't found evidence of that happening. I would love to be proved wrong, and/or would love to support people in learning how to use the coping strategies I've developed to feel less alone in the current global pandemic situation, but I'm not sure how.
posted by Alterscape at 11:04 AM on October 25, 2020 [1 favorite]
Another vote for Discord. Social IRC used to be like this, then it died and I spent years bemoaning its loss and lack of replacement, and now it looks like people have coalesced around Discord servers as the replacement. In addition to text chat you can do voice chat, and it's as seamless as switching text channels (without the annoying overhead that you get with dedicated teleconferencing apps).
It's free and easy to make a server, so there are lots, made by all kinds of people, for all kinds of different communities and topics. All the ones I'm on I've found via existing communities (online and meatspace), but you could try cold searching for
posted by confluency at 1:31 PM on October 25, 2020
It's free and easy to make a server, so there are lots, made by all kinds of people, for all kinds of different communities and topics. All the ones I'm on I've found via existing communities (online and meatspace), but you could try cold searching for
insert hobby here discord to look for public servers that may be interesting to you.posted by confluency at 1:31 PM on October 25, 2020
Reddit has a chat feature, which has rooms covering a wide variety of topics so you can find one and start chatting there. To find a chat you like, go here: https://www.reddit.com/r/SubChats/ I don't know if any of these chats are any good though.
I've attended quite a few online author talks (e.g. Roxane Gay, Chanel Miller, Cathy Park Hong) and found out about them through their social media. So while you might not be chatting with others per se, I really enjoying hearing these awesome authors talk with other awesome authors.
I also +1 to meetup.com. Don't know if you're into singing, but virtual community choirs are a thing. There's Choir Choir Choir on Facebook (based in Toronto), maybe there are others near you (although does it matter if its virtual :D).
posted by foxjacket at 3:33 PM on October 25, 2020
I've attended quite a few online author talks (e.g. Roxane Gay, Chanel Miller, Cathy Park Hong) and found out about them through their social media. So while you might not be chatting with others per se, I really enjoying hearing these awesome authors talk with other awesome authors.
I also +1 to meetup.com. Don't know if you're into singing, but virtual community choirs are a thing. There's Choir Choir Choir on Facebook (based in Toronto), maybe there are others near you (although does it matter if its virtual :D).
posted by foxjacket at 3:33 PM on October 25, 2020
A recent thread over in MetaTalk led to the creation of the MeFi knitting discord. We've had evening chats and shared photos of the projects we're working on. Crafts other than knitting are also welcome!
posted by yarntheory at 5:28 PM on October 25, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by yarntheory at 5:28 PM on October 25, 2020 [2 favorites]
I’ve attended various conferences/conventions online which sometimes have chat options.
posted by azalea_chant at 9:45 PM on October 25, 2020
posted by azalea_chant at 9:45 PM on October 25, 2020
If there's a particular fandom you're into and people you like tend to be into, and you can track down a space where the fans hang out, that's one option. For example, I follow a couple of TV rewatch podcasts that have very active online communities, using Slack or Facebook, that hold watch parties and provide a platform for like-minded people to chat and just hang out. In the cases I know you'd need to contribute via Patreon to get access, but if you can afford it that would bring reassurance about being in a moderated community space that people have invested in. For full disclosure I haven't yet participated in the online communities associated with my favourite podcasts myself so this is very much a lead to consider rather than a recommendation, but knowing the people there would be fans not just of the original content but of the podcasts too (which are overtly liberal and inclusive, as well as funny) would be appealing to me.
Other ideas: can you track down a bookstore or library with a reading group that has moved online? And if you've ever wanted an excuse for learning a new language, look for online, conversation-led classes - if you're lucky you'll hit on a group of chatty and sociable people.
posted by FavourableChicken at 10:01 AM on October 26, 2020 [1 favorite]
Other ideas: can you track down a bookstore or library with a reading group that has moved online? And if you've ever wanted an excuse for learning a new language, look for online, conversation-led classes - if you're lucky you'll hit on a group of chatty and sociable people.
posted by FavourableChicken at 10:01 AM on October 26, 2020 [1 favorite]
I am part of several gaming/reading/women-only Discord servers that I'd be happy to introduce you to. Some of these servers have specific channels within dedicated to topics like crafting, adulting, politics, or just normal day-to-day stuff. If any of these topics interest you, let me know!
posted by antihistameme at 7:06 PM on October 26, 2020
posted by antihistameme at 7:06 PM on October 26, 2020
I have heard of some groups of folks meeting up (to socialize, rather that to play) in MMORGS. My question, are there games that are more heavily focused on character customization and chat rather than grinding hack n slash? Like, let's all make goofy characters but then hang out at the local digital inn/campfire? More Sims + MUDs?
posted by ikahime at 3:05 PM on October 27, 2020
posted by ikahime at 3:05 PM on October 27, 2020
This thread is closed to new comments.
I would love to do watch parties- movies on Netflix, amzn, hulu. Summer was no picnic, but I could go outside, see neighbors, meet friends and visit pretty safely. Winter, cold, and dark are causing angst.
posted by theora55 at 9:01 AM on October 25, 2020 [6 favorites]