Work life needs a reboot
September 26, 2020 1:15 PM Subscribe
I have been constantly, repetitively, making dumb mistakes at work, ranging from merely silly to potentially serious. Quite often, I am able to catch those mistakes afterwards, but that's useless. I am definitely burned out, but for various reasons exiting current team is not possible right now. These mistakes cannot keep happening. What do I do?! More below the fold.
For instance, yesterday I sent a mail to a teammate asking if our superior had signed off on a response sent to a different team. Only hitch? I hit reply all, including said superior as well as the team the response had been sent to. The day before, I made an addition error in a proposal.
I am currently on leave and shouldn't even be working. But wfh has destroyed all those work-life balance theories and I find myself twitchy about checking work mail every other hour. I have a really, really difficult superior and I'm constantly worried about being hung out to dry for my errors (they don't particularly care about the difficult circumstances of the current year and have been pushing very very hard for a lot of extra work. In the middle of a pandemic that has upended our lives.) Ironically, because I am terrified of them, it makes it that much harder to admit to the errors and fix them.
I should also mention that I have GAD and have a therapist, but sessions have been spotty because of various issues. This entire year has been a giant trigger for my anxiety issues, and work has been the biggest trigger of them all.
Because reasons, I reiterate that I cannot ask for a change of team till end of this year. But I cannot keep turning in error ridden work like I am doing now. Work anxiety has colonized large parts of my brain and yet it feels like all it has done is impact my work negatively. What do I do to make it better? I need a reboot. I don't know how to do it. Please help! Thank you.
For instance, yesterday I sent a mail to a teammate asking if our superior had signed off on a response sent to a different team. Only hitch? I hit reply all, including said superior as well as the team the response had been sent to
I am currently on leave and shouldn't even be working. But wfh has destroyed all those work-life balance theories and I find myself twitchy about checking work mail every other hour. I have a really, really difficult superior and I'm constantly worried about being hung out to dry for my errors (they don't particularly care about the difficult circumstances of the current year and have been pushing very very hard for a lot of extra work. In the middle of a pandemic that has upended our lives.) Ironically, because I am terrified of them, it makes it that much harder to admit to the errors and fix them.
I should also mention that I have GAD and have a therapist, but sessions have been spotty because of various issues. This entire year has been a giant trigger for my anxiety issues, and work has been the biggest trigger of them all.
Because reasons, I reiterate that I cannot ask for a change of team till end of this year. But I cannot keep turning in error ridden work like I am doing now. Work anxiety has colonized large parts of my brain and yet it feels like all it has done is impact my work negatively. What do I do to make it better? I need a reboot. I don't know how to do it. Please help! Thank you.
Best answer: I am currently on leave and shouldn't even be working.
Your reboot is being on leave. You need to be on leave. Working is not being on leave.
posted by cobaltnine at 1:30 PM on September 26, 2020 [39 favorites]
Your reboot is being on leave. You need to be on leave. Working is not being on leave.
posted by cobaltnine at 1:30 PM on September 26, 2020 [39 favorites]
I am currently on leave and shouldn't even be working.
You need to start enforcing this boundary. You're on leave. You shouldn't be working.
posted by synecdoche at 1:39 PM on September 26, 2020 [3 favorites]
You need to start enforcing this boundary. You're on leave. You shouldn't be working.
posted by synecdoche at 1:39 PM on September 26, 2020 [3 favorites]
Response by poster: Superior has said they don't expect me to be working...and has set several deadlines for the end of the month, before I report back to work. Everyone saying I shouldn't be working is absolutely right, of course, but I don't know how to square this circle.
posted by Nieshka at 1:41 PM on September 26, 2020
posted by Nieshka at 1:41 PM on September 26, 2020
Best answer: Superior has said they don't expect me to be working...and has set several deadlines for the end of the month, before I report back to work. Everyone saying I shouldn't be working is absolutely right, of course, but I don't know how to square this circle.
Oh this is my job's favorite, too! I have started being a total jerk (known to sane humans as "a person," but within my job context, "a jerk") and squaring this circle in two ways:
1) Asking superior (but in a way that suggests this is a Done Deal) for approval to delegate deadline items xyz to people abc.
2) If no, asking directly how they would like me to revise the deadlines given that I will be on leave until X date. Make them fuckin say out loud, "work through your leave," and I guarantee they will not.
3) If 1 and 2 fail, I just let the chips fall where they may. I just came back from a few days off in which there were many fast-turnaround type things and I didn't touch a one of them. My OOO directed all queries and transmittals to my boss. The important ones got handled, the unimportant ones waited until I got back.
I'm anxious too, and especially nowadays, but every time you assert yourself as a person-being, it gets easier. You just gotta start somewhere.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 1:50 PM on September 26, 2020 [45 favorites]
Oh this is my job's favorite, too! I have started being a total jerk (known to sane humans as "a person," but within my job context, "a jerk") and squaring this circle in two ways:
1) Asking superior (but in a way that suggests this is a Done Deal) for approval to delegate deadline items xyz to people abc.
2) If no, asking directly how they would like me to revise the deadlines given that I will be on leave until X date. Make them fuckin say out loud, "work through your leave," and I guarantee they will not.
3) If 1 and 2 fail, I just let the chips fall where they may. I just came back from a few days off in which there were many fast-turnaround type things and I didn't touch a one of them. My OOO directed all queries and transmittals to my boss. The important ones got handled, the unimportant ones waited until I got back.
I'm anxious too, and especially nowadays, but every time you assert yourself as a person-being, it gets easier. You just gotta start somewhere.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 1:50 PM on September 26, 2020 [45 favorites]
I am not sure this will help, but just in case: the "bad" emails I get at work consist of those not answering the original question, or those answering only some of the questions asked, or creating email thread branches by not replying all, or saying how important an answer is without offering help or any additional details. And another class is the emails that never come ("crickets") where someone is a month or two late with a promised deliverable.
So this might help put your situation into perspective, that you are trying and you are responsive and you are accepting responsibility that shouldn't even be yours at this time, but you're not perfect.
And on preview, what Blast Hardcheese said!
posted by forthright at 1:56 PM on September 26, 2020
So this might help put your situation into perspective, that you are trying and you are responsive and you are accepting responsibility that shouldn't even be yours at this time, but you're not perfect.
And on preview, what Blast Hardcheese said!
posted by forthright at 1:56 PM on September 26, 2020
^^ This is excellent advice and on top of that, once you’ve had that discussion and delegated the deadlines, and, critically, gotten this information in writing, set up an automatic email response that essentially says you’re out of the office until x date. If you have any queries, please forward them onto (Supervisor) or (Person undertaking your responsibilities in the meantime.
Then (and this is the most important) don’t check your emails. If things blow up, refer your supervisor back to the CYA written response you’ve got about your deadlines being delegated and how supervisor told you not to work during leave.
The reason you’re making mistakes is because you’re burnt out. This is the only way to fix it. Switch everything off, walk away, come back in a fortnight or whenever. And don’t think about it until then.
posted by Jubey at 1:58 PM on September 26, 2020 [10 favorites]
Then (and this is the most important) don’t check your emails. If things blow up, refer your supervisor back to the CYA written response you’ve got about your deadlines being delegated and how supervisor told you not to work during leave.
The reason you’re making mistakes is because you’re burnt out. This is the only way to fix it. Switch everything off, walk away, come back in a fortnight or whenever. And don’t think about it until then.
posted by Jubey at 1:58 PM on September 26, 2020 [10 favorites]
Checklists, as suggested by SpaceWarp13, above, are a good idea. I'm working from home and sometimes I can't tell 6:00 AM from 6:00 PM, let alone the day of the week, without checking.
posted by SPrintF at 2:05 PM on September 26, 2020
posted by SPrintF at 2:05 PM on September 26, 2020
For the email mistakes specifically: See if you can get one of those plugins that adds a few-minutes delay between when you hit “send” and the email actually goes out — giving you a chance to fix those facepalm mistakes you notice right after sending. They exist for most common email clients.
posted by mekily at 2:09 PM on September 26, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by mekily at 2:09 PM on September 26, 2020 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Others have already mentioned setting an email auto-respond pointing to a colleague. You could also send your superior an email reminding them that you will not be back before the deadlines and that they need to reassign tasks to your coworkers, but you are NOT obligated to. He knows you are on leave. If he doesn't reassign the tasks that is HIS problem, and not your fault.
I know it's hard not to check email, but that is the only way you are going to be able to get the rest you need.
*****
Here's what I'm doing to keep my mental health at work. Maybe something here will be helpful (sorry for the length, I really was trying to keep this short, oh well):
- I set strict rules for myself that I do NOT check email in the evenings or on weekends. At first it was really hard to do this because it felt "wrong". It gets easier though. I do have to remind myself that this is not a whim, though. This is so I can continue to function and is therefore necessary.
- I stop working at 5 pm even if the tasks aren't done. Period. Even if I am working from home.
- I have also given myself permission to not finish my to do list. It is just not possible to do it all. I am not shy about telling my supervisor that I am doing this.
- I am very clear with my superiors that I am at the limit of what I can do. If they ask me to add something to my to do list, I ask them what task they would like me to drop to make room for the new task. I practice the phrase "I'm afraid that won't be possible" (thanks metafilter!). I am blunt. So blunt.
I read somewhere that when you are juggling tasks, the trick is to know which tasks are "glass" balls and which ones are "plastic". Dropping a plastic ball does not feel good, but it is recoverable and not the end of the world. I stay focused on completing the glass ball tasks and if a plastic ball task gets dropped, at least I did my best.
- I'm human, not a robot. Mistakes are going to happen. My co-workers and I have started checking each others work to try to minimize the mistakes, but even that is not foolproof. I remind my co-workers and my supervisor that mistakes are a fact of life, and I am not overly apologetic even if I am internally mortified. I acknowledge the mistake and the solution, but then I try to let it go.
It helps that I remember that the last time I tried to push through a trauma while working myself to death. It was not pretty. I refuse to let a boss bully me into sacrificing my mental health ever again. I am very vocal about what I am doing (or not doing) to maintain a work life balance. If they don't like it, they can shove it.
This has taken lots and lots of practice, and it is NOT easy. But I'm worth it, and so are you. You are doing the best you can, and anyone who expects more of you is a jerk.
posted by rakaidan at 2:39 PM on September 26, 2020 [9 favorites]
I know it's hard not to check email, but that is the only way you are going to be able to get the rest you need.
*****
Here's what I'm doing to keep my mental health at work. Maybe something here will be helpful (sorry for the length, I really was trying to keep this short, oh well):
- I set strict rules for myself that I do NOT check email in the evenings or on weekends. At first it was really hard to do this because it felt "wrong". It gets easier though. I do have to remind myself that this is not a whim, though. This is so I can continue to function and is therefore necessary.
- I stop working at 5 pm even if the tasks aren't done. Period. Even if I am working from home.
- I have also given myself permission to not finish my to do list. It is just not possible to do it all. I am not shy about telling my supervisor that I am doing this.
- I am very clear with my superiors that I am at the limit of what I can do. If they ask me to add something to my to do list, I ask them what task they would like me to drop to make room for the new task. I practice the phrase "I'm afraid that won't be possible" (thanks metafilter!). I am blunt. So blunt.
I read somewhere that when you are juggling tasks, the trick is to know which tasks are "glass" balls and which ones are "plastic". Dropping a plastic ball does not feel good, but it is recoverable and not the end of the world. I stay focused on completing the glass ball tasks and if a plastic ball task gets dropped, at least I did my best.
- I'm human, not a robot. Mistakes are going to happen. My co-workers and I have started checking each others work to try to minimize the mistakes, but even that is not foolproof. I remind my co-workers and my supervisor that mistakes are a fact of life, and I am not overly apologetic even if I am internally mortified. I acknowledge the mistake and the solution, but then I try to let it go.
It helps that I remember that the last time I tried to push through a trauma while working myself to death. It was not pretty. I refuse to let a boss bully me into sacrificing my mental health ever again. I am very vocal about what I am doing (or not doing) to maintain a work life balance. If they don't like it, they can shove it.
This has taken lots and lots of practice, and it is NOT easy. But I'm worth it, and so are you. You are doing the best you can, and anyone who expects more of you is a jerk.
posted by rakaidan at 2:39 PM on September 26, 2020 [9 favorites]
One email habit I try to foster - for something that has multiple respondents/is sensitive/requires a thoughtful response, I delete the To: field and compose without any one to send to. Outlook snaps at me over it, but it has saved my ass several times
posted by Gin and Broadband at 3:06 PM on September 26, 2020 [7 favorites]
posted by Gin and Broadband at 3:06 PM on September 26, 2020 [7 favorites]
You should stop checking your email until the end of your leave. You're being abused.
posted by showbiz_liz at 3:07 PM on September 26, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by showbiz_liz at 3:07 PM on September 26, 2020 [3 favorites]
I had a lot of work related anxiety on this exact issue. It took me a long time to get over my "check email ever half hour" thing, and the key was realizing this:
Doing nothing is usually better then doing something wrong. Almost all emails that say something needs to happen today are just lying, so if you're on break you don't need to do anything about them. If the issue is actually important, either someone else will do it or they will contact you again. People at stressful jobs, especially domineering bosses, will forget that you are on break and if you respond every time they will never learn. There is no social or job expectation for you to respond to anything on break if it's being sent through normal channels like email and you will not be punished despite what your anxiety is telling you.
What you might be punished for is making mistakes, as you already know. Before you send an email the question needs to be "Will sending this exact email actually help?" When I'm very stressed at work I often write an email, get to the end of it, and just delete it without sending. Or if it is something I actually do need to send, that question will make me read back over the text and find mistakes before I send it
posted by JZig at 3:43 PM on September 26, 2020 [4 favorites]
Doing nothing is usually better then doing something wrong. Almost all emails that say something needs to happen today are just lying, so if you're on break you don't need to do anything about them. If the issue is actually important, either someone else will do it or they will contact you again. People at stressful jobs, especially domineering bosses, will forget that you are on break and if you respond every time they will never learn. There is no social or job expectation for you to respond to anything on break if it's being sent through normal channels like email and you will not be punished despite what your anxiety is telling you.
What you might be punished for is making mistakes, as you already know. Before you send an email the question needs to be "Will sending this exact email actually help?" When I'm very stressed at work I often write an email, get to the end of it, and just delete it without sending. Or if it is something I actually do need to send, that question will make me read back over the text and find mistakes before I send it
posted by JZig at 3:43 PM on September 26, 2020 [4 favorites]
Set your out of office. Make it say you won't be checking email. (White lies, or even truths if you choose to act on them, such as 'gone fishing', can make it clear if anyone fails to understand that the situation has changed and they should not rely on your previous behaviour.) Then, don't check email.
If you check email you will want to act, and if you act no one will believe the out of office email ever again.
If things fall apart without you then it demonstrates not that you don't care, but that the rest of the company, combined, cannot get the job done. That is, rather obviously, not on you. If they can get it done, it does not mean you are in any way devalued - this is precisely how it's supposed to work.
posted by How much is that froggie in the window at 5:10 PM on September 26, 2020 [2 favorites]
If you check email you will want to act, and if you act no one will believe the out of office email ever again.
If things fall apart without you then it demonstrates not that you don't care, but that the rest of the company, combined, cannot get the job done. That is, rather obviously, not on you. If they can get it done, it does not mean you are in any way devalued - this is precisely how it's supposed to work.
posted by How much is that froggie in the window at 5:10 PM on September 26, 2020 [2 favorites]
It may be too late for this leave, but for the next...I go camping. Usually, I actually am camping. But sometimes I’m “camping.” Regardless, I don’t have access to email or technology during camping time.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:26 PM on September 26, 2020 [6 favorites]
posted by warriorqueen at 7:26 PM on September 26, 2020 [6 favorites]
Yes, truly take this break!! Don’t worry about making big plans, focus on little things each day: go on a walk to get coffee to sit outside to drink or even sip in your car, find a podcast to listen to, binge watch an old one we show, visit a nearby town or different neighborhood. I understand the temptation to keep working so get out of the house if needed. Good luck!
P.S. We’ve ALL made dumb and embarrassing mistakes at work on basic things like addition. It’s embarrassing and sometimes yucky but not a sign that we aren’t valuable as workers or human beings. I hope you can forgive yourself for this error because surely everyone else has and they understand . <3
posted by smorgasbord at 8:58 PM on September 26, 2020 [1 favorite]
P.S. We’ve ALL made dumb and embarrassing mistakes at work on basic things like addition. It’s embarrassing and sometimes yucky but not a sign that we aren’t valuable as workers or human beings. I hope you can forgive yourself for this error because surely everyone else has and they understand . <3
posted by smorgasbord at 8:58 PM on September 26, 2020 [1 favorite]
While you're on leave, find a way to physically remove all ability to check your email from your immediate surroundings. If your work email is on your personal phone, take it off in a way that you'll only be able to put it back by using information not stored on the phone. Put your work laptop and phone and paperwork and anything else work-related in a box. Tape it shut. Put it on top of the wardrobe, or in the attic or an inaccessible shelf in the basement. Wherever you put it, it should take you a little effort to get it there, then take away the steps/chair/whatever you used and put them somewhere else.
Go out for the day, if it's possible where you are. Do something else, even if it's just go for a drive listening to music and looking at the scenery. Take a packed lunch and stay out all day. That'll help a little with reducing the space your work life takes up in your brain.
Do not approach the work box until the day you're due back at work. Don't be tempted to undo it the night before, telling yourself "I'm so nervous about what'll be in my inbox tomorrow, I'd be better looking now and getting it over with". Nope. That's how boundaries crumble. The morning that you're due back at work is when you look at it all again.
Once you're back at work, when your working day is over, put everything back in the box and put it away again until morning. It seems like a pain, but it takes 5 minutes and will re-carve your own time as being genuinely your own.
Once your team get used to the fact that you don't check emails 24-7, they'll adjust pretty quickly. My boss is the type that claims to be going on holiday but constantly pings me emails. When I know he's doing that, I find myself sending him stuff because I know he'll see it, and my emails contain stuff he needs to know to stop him mishandling the other emails I know he's going to be reading. But as soon as he stops replying, I stop sending him stuff because I know he's no longer reading emails, and I just start putting useful info into a document to send him en masse when he returns. The world has yet to end the times I've done that.
posted by penguin pie at 5:10 AM on September 27, 2020 [2 favorites]
Go out for the day, if it's possible where you are. Do something else, even if it's just go for a drive listening to music and looking at the scenery. Take a packed lunch and stay out all day. That'll help a little with reducing the space your work life takes up in your brain.
Do not approach the work box until the day you're due back at work. Don't be tempted to undo it the night before, telling yourself "I'm so nervous about what'll be in my inbox tomorrow, I'd be better looking now and getting it over with". Nope. That's how boundaries crumble. The morning that you're due back at work is when you look at it all again.
Once you're back at work, when your working day is over, put everything back in the box and put it away again until morning. It seems like a pain, but it takes 5 minutes and will re-carve your own time as being genuinely your own.
Once your team get used to the fact that you don't check emails 24-7, they'll adjust pretty quickly. My boss is the type that claims to be going on holiday but constantly pings me emails. When I know he's doing that, I find myself sending him stuff because I know he'll see it, and my emails contain stuff he needs to know to stop him mishandling the other emails I know he's going to be reading. But as soon as he stops replying, I stop sending him stuff because I know he's no longer reading emails, and I just start putting useful info into a document to send him en masse when he returns. The world has yet to end the times I've done that.
posted by penguin pie at 5:10 AM on September 27, 2020 [2 favorites]
I'll bet a lot of this has to do with your boss and his/her personality. I worked in this sort of circumstance a long time ago: I had two bosses who were partners, and I was in a position to suspect that one partner was screwing the other partner. Once the nefarious partner realized that I was suspicious, they made my life hell trying to get me fired. I finally made an appointment with the other partner outside office hours and presented the evidence I'd gathered that supported my suspicions. The nefarious partner was gone the next day and I still had a job. It was a big risk, but it didn't feel so big knowing that the end result if I didn't was that I'd be out of a job. Not sure this relates to your circumstance, but it might be good to take a look around and see if anyone above you seems to be hiding anything.
posted by summerstorm at 9:36 AM on September 27, 2020
posted by summerstorm at 9:36 AM on September 27, 2020
I found the Twitter thread that talks about dropping glass vs. plastic balls: https://twitter.com/jenlynnbarnes/status/1220182162118451200
posted by rakaidan at 10:01 PM on September 30, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by rakaidan at 10:01 PM on September 30, 2020 [1 favorite]
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I also tried to give myself a cool down period for emails in that I tried not to check them constantly and I tried to draft a response and leave it for at least ten minutes before sending.
Also you’ve got to not check email as much when you aren’t working you need a break sometimes or you’ll go nuts.
posted by SpaceWarp13 at 1:26 PM on September 26, 2020 [1 favorite]