When do we know that the time has come to euthanize our dog?
July 27, 2020 7:21 AM   Subscribe

Title says it all - putting some upsetting details below the fold.

Our dog is a sweet loving 13 year old Italian Greyhound.

The health conditions: SARDS last September, went blind over about 2 days. Extreme myotonia of both back legs, and extreme joint laxity on both back ankles. Moderate and worsening dementia. Tested to hell and back for Cushing's due to symptoms but unable to confirm / disconfirm. He's on daily medications for liver, joints, hormones, melatonin, along with CBD chews.

The behavioral patterns: Sleeps most of the day, food-seeking behavior whenever he's awake. Can no longer go for walks, jump or climb, or use the puppy pads. We are playing "catch" with his functions using paper towels and plastic bags. 24/7 hospice care for him since my spouse was laid off in March. His senses were supposed to sharpen to account for blindness but that didn't really happen, so he bonks into stuff a lot. We put padded strips on just about everything we could to minimize danger. At night, he sleeps in 45 minute bursts, so we are very sleep deprived.

The problems:

1. I have never had to make this decision before, so no experience.
2. Pandemic means vet visits are heavily curtailed.
3. The only real markers I know of for "when it's time" is refusing food / going off under bushes and stuff. We don't have a yard and his SARDS condition includes side effects of extreme hunger and thirst, so I don't see him refusing food anytime soon.
4. We're worried about his quality of life. It seems like if we look away for a minute, he has pooped and is walking in circles in it. Cognitively he seems lucid some of the time, mostly during the day. Sundowns in the evenings.

How do you know when it is time when it's a question of quality of life and there is no clear marker for 'giving up' e.g. refusing food? Any experience with canine cognitive dementia declining dogs would be most welcome. This decision is extremely hard, our bond with him is very deep (we don't have kids, he is like our child) and we love him more than anything in the world.
posted by lazaruslong to Pets & Animals (35 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
Have a look at the HHHHHMM scale. It'll help you assess if it's the right time.

https://vetsocialwork.utk.edu/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/Quality-of-Life.pdf
posted by Coffeetyme at 7:27 AM on July 27, 2020 [5 favorites]


I did not find that Quality of Life scale that helpful. Things were much more nuanced for us. My experience with putting 2 dogs down is if you're thinking about "is it time" then it's most likely time.

We put our dog down last month. It was the second time we had to make that decision and we waited too long this time. She was blind, deaf and had dementia. She never stopped loving her food. It was the only thing that got her excited. I wish we did it the first time I thought "is it time."
posted by disaster77 at 7:30 AM on July 27, 2020 [25 favorites]


It is sounding a bit like it, sadly, may be time. I would recommend googling for 'home euthanasia' services in your area. They come out to your home, so you do not need to transport them, and it is a much better experience for everyone involved.

Sorry, this is always a hard time. I have been through it a few times, and the home service is really comforting, as it is less stress on the dog and the family, and you are in the comfort of a familiar place.

I have had great experiences with home services.

They will do an evaluation, as any vet, prior, as well.
posted by rich at 7:31 AM on July 27, 2020 [13 favorites]


I'm sorry for you at this time. Sooooo hard. My experience with euthanizing two loved dogs is that I was in grief for a while. But in a few days, I had an epiphany: euthanasia was the last gift I could give to my pet who brought me so much joy for so many years. I hope you come to feel that way too after a while.

I'd add to what others above have written, that euthanasia is quick and painless. Truly painless.
posted by tmdonahue at 7:37 AM on July 27, 2020 [17 favorites]


Is your dog getting any enjoyment out of life? If so, euthanasia now means he will have enjoyed his life right up to the end. You can't ask for more than that. If he doesn't seem happy about anything, it's probably past time.

I also had a good experience with home euthanasia for my dog. (As good as could be expected for such a very sad occasion.)
posted by Redstart at 7:39 AM on July 27, 2020 [5 favorites]


The advice my vet gave me was that it was better to go a month too early than a week too late.

It was good advice and I'm glad we took it.
posted by flabdablet at 7:45 AM on July 27, 2020 [30 favorites]


My heart goes out to you. A couple of years ago I had to euthanize my 18-year-old Manchester terrier. Like others are saying, I'd also waited too long and regret not having done it sooner. He was in obvious discomfort and confusion and also blind/deaf and incontinent. When he really started to decline it was winter and I'd held out hope that with the warmer temperatures of spring that he'd improve but of course that didn't happen. For me the sign I should have paid the most attention to was his pleasure in having me near. Once that left I should have said goodbye. For his last months my normally very clingy dog wanted nothing to do with me and would flinch and scoot away from my touch, which was heartbreaking. So that has become my litmus test: if they no longer can take comfort in you being near and petting them, it's time to let go. I'm so sorry.
posted by mezzanayne at 7:47 AM on July 27, 2020 [4 favorites]


When you're balancing between doing it too soon and waiting too long, it is critical to recognize that "too soon" is almost always about your emotions, not the animal's wellbeing.
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 7:51 AM on July 27, 2020 [18 favorites]


This is so hard. From your description, it sounds very much like it is time. It sounds like your beloved friend is not really enjoying life and there's no hope of improvement on the horizon.

As hard as it is, I would make the decision to euthanize your dog now. He's not living his best life anymore, he probably is anxious and hungry a significant amount of the time. That's not a life I'd wish on anyone, and you can take that burden from him.

Echoing the home euthanasia recommendation. Spend some time with him, give him all the food and pets and say goodbye. Sorry, hugs from this internet stranger.
posted by jzb at 7:53 AM on July 27, 2020 [7 favorites]


This sounds very familiar to me - my first dog had a lot of the same symptoms and conditions you describe, and one morning she just couldn't stand up. The vet told us that if we weren't sure it was time, to give her 24 hours - if in that time she couldn't get up or wouldn't eat, it was time.

I think you'll know in your heart whether you're keeping your dog alive for his own sake, because you really believe he can still get better, or for yours because you're wishing that he might. But if my dog's experience helps you with your situation, then that's another metric you could use.
posted by Mchelly at 8:23 AM on July 27, 2020 [1 favorite]


Also, in my experience (2 dogs plus family and friends' as well), I don't think I've ever heard a vet volunteer that you put a pet down. The moment you say that you think it's time, they'll validate your decision (often strongly enough that you wish they had told you their opinion before). But because they're doctors first, unless there's genuinely no way to save an animal, so long as you want to keep your little one alive, they will be willing to try to help you find a compassionate way to do that.
posted by Mchelly at 8:28 AM on July 27, 2020 [2 favorites]


I recently had to let go of my 17 year old puppy dog Chauncey. It was heartbreaking, but it also happened in a crisis, which made it easier: there was a decision point that came up. That makes it different, but... here is my story, maybe it will help you.

But it also was not great. I had to make that decision twice. At the first vet, they led me to believe that, with some acute treatment, I could have more time with him. They then directed me to another vet that could provide that treatment.

The second vet was more frank with me: yes, he could have critical treatment and survive for another few weeks or a month. But he would be zonked out on tranquilizers. He would not regain the function that resulted in the visit that day.

It is such a sad decision to make, and some vets would rather avoid the frank truth around saying goodbye if there's a possibility of saving the animal's life that day.

I miss Chauncey so much. He was so scared when we put him down. He never did calm down, he was in pain. But he was there, and he was conscious, and he was with me, and I got to say goodbye to him and hold him and comfort him as he passed away. If we had treated him that day, he would have lived, but I would not have had that moment.
posted by billjings at 8:30 AM on July 27, 2020 [2 favorites]


My "yes, it is definitely time, this is not too soon" moment was sparked by saying something similar to what you said in your post: "It seems like if we look away for a minute..." I was absolutely willing to devote that much and that constant attention to caretaking for my elderly dog (especially during these always-at-home pandemic times), but it wasn't making his conditions any better--even with his dementia, his difficulty maneuvering was hard on him. There was no big sign (he was a consistent eater, for example), no big crisis, but we humans had to reckon with ourselves that this was about our own feelings: that he might still be having good moments, but he wasn't going to have whole good days again, and we wanted to give him as peaceful and as stress-free of a last day as possible.

So, yeah. This is tough. Based on what you wrote, I don't think you're in "too soon" territory, but you still have time to be comfortable with your decision. Much love to you and your family.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 8:55 AM on July 27, 2020 [2 favorites]


I'm so sorry. If this were my dog I would probably say it was time to euthanize. It's almost never "too soon" but it's very easy to slip into "too late."

My 14-year-old whippet mix has significant dementia, and with it came extreme anxiety. We medicated him for his anxiety and now he's frequently confused but otherwise quite happy. He is still house trained, still gets clear joy from lots of things. Before the medication started working we had some serious difficult conversations about his quality of life, and we agreed that if the Prozac didn't work we'd euthanize him. It helped so here we are.

We now know what the both the floor and the ceiling are for his life in old age. We know what he is like when he is demented but happy, and we know what he is like when he is demented and unhappy. When he moves more towards unhappy we will re-evaluate.
posted by juniperesque at 9:11 AM on July 27, 2020 [1 favorite]


I want to Nth the recommendation for in-home euthenasia. It made the experience so much more bearable for my wife and me 10 years ago.
posted by Ignatius J. Reilly at 9:17 AM on July 27, 2020 [1 favorite]


This is the hardest thing I ever did.

What got me through was the knowledge that it was my job to keep my sweet dog from suffering. That I should hurt more so that he could find relief. As someone else mentioned, better a week early than too late.

It's our job to protect these creatures from pain, even if it means suffering for ourselves.
posted by captainscared at 9:30 AM on July 27, 2020 [8 favorites]


You haven't said anything that indicates your dog is still experiencing fun, affection, or pleasure. For me, those are strong considerations - if my pet is still experiencing, on balance, significantly more good days/hours than bad, and I can keep them comfortable, calm, and happy most of the time, then maybe it's not time yet. Once those things are no longer true, it's time.

After experiencing it both ways, I am now firmly on team "better too soon than too late." It sucks, so hard, but letting our pets go on the early side of "is it too early" is the last compassionate, loving thing we can do for them.

I'm so sorry for your family, and I hope that whatever time you do have left with him has some joy in it.
posted by Stacey at 9:39 AM on July 27, 2020 [1 favorite]


My heart goes out to you. We just put our beloved family dog down 9 days ago and it was terrible. But after it was over and after a day of grieving I woke up and felt relieved to know that my dog wasn’t suffering anymore. She’d only been sick for about a week but it was sudden and acute.

We took her to the vet and they had Covid protocols in place, like wait in your car and they’d call when it was time to come in, so no cross pollination in lobby space. Was okay as that experience would ever be.
posted by MadMadam at 9:44 AM on July 27, 2020 [1 favorite]


flabdablet: The advice my vet gave me was that it was better to go a month too early than a week too late.

As someone who had a dog dying in my car while undergoing agonal breathing on the way back to the vet I heartily endorse this.

Sometimes things sneak up on you (yesterday we had a cat die in my car on the way to the emergency vet. The day before that, while he didn't eat, he was walking around, jumping up on chairs and rubbing against our ankles and using the litter box). This isn't something that's snuck up on you.

In the case of the dog I had die horribly with me, this was in the afternoon, while I'd gone in that morning with her in mild distress, initially planning on euthanizing but ended up attempting further treatment instead. She'd already lived over a year from when we were told "probably 3-6 months" for her life estimation from her heart failing. I greatly failed her in my decision making.

If your dog can't safely navigate around, is no longer house broken, is experiencing dementia, it really doesn't seem like there's a great quality of life, even if there is a very healthy appetite. You might have not mentioned a lot (brevity and all), so you'll know the full picture. But ask yourself how much s/he seems to be enjoying life, and consider how things will be as they get still worse.

I'm very sorry for all involved.
posted by nobeagle at 9:51 AM on July 27, 2020 [3 favorites]


This is the hardest and most important thing we have to do for our animals. I will defer to the other answers about whether it's time but I just wanted to let you know that seeing our animal at peace was more of a relief than anything. The pain and hurt of making the decision was much much worse than the event itself, and as soon as it was done my wife and I both knew we had done the right thing.
posted by ftm at 10:03 AM on July 27, 2020 [3 favorites]


It is time. It has been time for a while. I only know this because I've waited too long, but at the point where the humans can't sleep for months, it's past time.

Cognitive decline is not a mellow state. It's anxious, fearful, every step potentially painful or injurious. Have one last good - or okay, if that's all you can do, but lots of good treats - day and have an in-home service come. (The protocol may be somewhat different under the circumstances, but at least talk to either your vet if they offer this service or talk to a local home-euthanasia-specific service about what they're doing right now.)

I'm so sorry. This is impossibly hard, but I'm about 14 months out from the last time I had to do this (also with a slow decline) and most of my guilt is about the bad decisions we made as he declined, and the things we didn't figure out in time. Letting him go is the thing I *don't* still lose sleep over.

Vets will very rarely say the word unless the situation is already absolutely horrific or if you ask very directly, in part because people will commit assault at the suggestion when it is unwelcome.

The thing I always tell people: either your dog will not know he is gone, or surely in post-life consciousness the entirety of the situation will be understood and he will know that he was loved and that things were bad and it was a gift that you helped him go.
posted by Lyn Never at 10:07 AM on July 27, 2020 [3 favorites]


We recently went through this w/ our best buddy in cognitive decline. He was also blind, and deaf, which made everything even harder. I would echo what everyone here says -- if you're wondering "is it time," then it probably is.

We had to go through this during the pandemic, so we needed to say goodbye before the euthanasia actually happened since the vet was drop-off only. The way it work out was this -- our guy had severe anxiety about being in the car due to his issues, so our vet gave us the hardcore sedatives that they give pre-euthanasia to administer at home. That meant that we got to hang out with him and say goodbye as he went into a peaceful sleep, then we laid him in the car, drove him to the vet, and handed him over. For us, this was about as good as it could be.

I'm so sorry...much love to you and everyone else who loves this pup. You're doing the dog a true kindness.
posted by nosila at 10:25 AM on July 27, 2020 [1 favorite]


Oh, I'm so, so sorry! We recently had to go through this ourselves, with many similar details, including her being like our child. In our case, though, the decision was made, as they say, slowly, and then all at once, when she broke her leg. While thinking that we still had time to ponder the quality of life thing (she had dementia, mostly blind, no comfort, joy or interest in our presence any more, hardly eating, wandering and bumping into things and falling down all night, sleeping all day, extreme weakness in back quarters and resultant problems with incontinence) ... but she still enjoyed her outside walks, even though she could barely walk in the house. And then she broke her leg. A bad break. While we were with her 100% of the time, usually within 5 feet, and we never heard a peep from her whenever it happened, which remains a mystery. Un believable.

Doctors said it required serious surgery, that she would probably not survive. And then, if she did survive, months of recovery that would be miserable for both her and us. AND STILL we pondered a bit. Maybe, maybe, maybe we should do the surgery? Just see how it goes? We could always do the euthanasia if it was clear it was a horrible existence for her afterwards, but what if it wasn't? What if she defied all expectations? And then we asked the surgeon, "be as honest as you can: do you see her ever walking again after this surgery?" And he said, "honestly? no way. never." And there went the very last thing that she had still loved. Her walkies.

We were fooling ourselves egregiously to even take the (a bit less than) one day we spent to finally decide. It's obvious to me now. I am not sorry we decided to euthanize. I am sorry that we didn't do it earlier so that she didn't have to go through the last nearly two days of her life in pain and fear. It would have been okay for us to admit the full grimness of the situation to ourselves before the injury, before it became "all at once," before we were forced to decide. I know why we didn't ... because it was our job to protect her, not end her life. But we were wrong, I think. It would have been better to face it earlier.
posted by taz at 10:27 AM on July 27, 2020 [5 favorites]


I am so, so sorry. My heart hurts for you.

When I've had to do this, I find that I move from thinking "I love this animal so much that I can't possibly do this" to "It's BECAUSE I love this animal so much that I know I NEED to do this."
posted by bookmammal at 10:38 AM on July 27, 2020 [2 favorites]


Cat person here. We've had a number of our cats reach the point where it was time. It took literally YEARS for us to learn to m make the decision at the right time and as said more than once by the others, when you start wondering about it, you're already too late. It's so hard, but you do it because this is the emotional fee you pay for all the good years you've had to love this dog. You make his end of life as easy as can be.

If at all possible, get your vet to do a house visit. This changed everything for us. You pet is in the most familiar place with the humans that love him. My heart goes out to you. It never gets easier, but we do it sooner now because we've learned that it's always about our needs when we wait, not what's best for our pet. Hugs to you all.
posted by LaBellaStella at 10:41 AM on July 27, 2020 [2 favorites]


I hospice foster dogs for local rescues, mostly pugs but really any dog that needs a place to go at end of life. I have had to decide when was THE TIME for literally dozens of dogs over the past decade. It’s never gotten easier tbh but I do think I’ve gotten better at deciding when it’s time. Dogs live in the moment and if their moment sucks then that’s their lives. I’ve also come to terms with the decision that I’d much rather euthanize an animal a week early rather than a day late. I do not automatically euthanize blind or disabled animals, on the contrary if they are showing signs of enjoying life like dogs do then I support them as long as possible. But when the sum of all things looks to a dismal quality of life, and I think most times when we are asking it’s because we know we are there, then I do what is right for them and take my feelings out of it. I know it’s hard, it actually sucks super bad. I’ve had 2 dogs pass since the pandemic and in both cases the vet had protocols in place so that I was allowed to be there, like I always am for them. I’m sorry you’re going through this, it’s super shitty and painful but thank you so much for loving this animal and doing what’s best for them their whole life.
posted by yodelingisfun at 10:46 AM on July 27, 2020 [2 favorites]


Agreeing with others that it’s time. I know how hard it can be to finally make that decision. I put my kitty to sleep in February but before that I scheduled an appointment for months earlier that I canceled because I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I feel like I should have kept the previous appointment, in retrospect, but it was such a painful decision that I backtracked on it. When I did finally do it, I used an at home euthanasia service, which I highly recommend. They take some of the stress out of it namely by transporting the animal to a crematorium so you don’t have to. Then they’ll return the ashes, if wanted.

One thing I will mention is that I felt immense relief when it was over because she’d been sick for a long time and not only was she at peace so was I. Caring for a sick animal is so hard. The grief didn’t hit me until later.
posted by hazel79 at 1:41 PM on July 27, 2020 [2 favorites]


Just wanted to let you that there are mobile vets that specialize in end of life care and euthanasia.
It was really the best possible end. Instead of a car ride and visit to the vet and having to take of things in an exam room, a vet came to us. As someone else mentioned, the vet hung back until we very clear told her that we wanted to go ahead. Once we decided, we were able to say good-bye, let him lie down in favorite corner, gave him some treats while the vet gave him a shot to make him sleep and then, when we were ready, a second shot to complete it. She also gave us options about what to do with his body - usually they take it and have it cremated and then either return the ashes to you or not.

I only knew about this from Metafilter but when I mentioned it to our vet, he was able to recommend the mobile vet that we used. We could have also found someone on Yelp once we knew to look for it.
posted by metahawk at 3:27 PM on July 27, 2020 [1 favorite]


I am so sorry. I've been through this with dogs and cats and it's never, ever an easy decision. With a house full of elderly cats I keep wishing they'd pass in their sleep and spare me making the choice.

In my last dog's case, if she didn't have to walk she was her old self. But she was a 13 year old big dog with very bad arthritis; she'd been on steroids for years for another health issue that probably contributed to her arthritis. She just didn't want to walk anymore, and she had no quality in life. I called a vet to come to the house and she was actually wagging her tail as she slipped into sleep before the final shot. She was a good dog; I waited too long before realizing that she was never going to get better, and I was keeping her around for me, and not for her.

It hurts like hell. But you so obviously love your pet, and your furbaby knows it. God speed to him and peace to you.
posted by annieb at 4:34 PM on July 27, 2020 [1 favorite]


Do this now while there is time to find a vet that will come to your home. My deepest regret that I will live with for the rest of my life is that we waited to long and then had to take our dog to the emergency vet and they hurt her. It was a traumatic experience for her and it didn't have to be. Find a vet you trust and do this now, at home.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It's awful, but it will heal with time if you feel good about the way it happened.
posted by WalkerWestridge at 6:08 PM on July 27, 2020 [2 favorites]


Response by poster: Hi everyone. I want to say a heartfelt thank you to all of you, especially those that shared their stories with this experience. I imagine that took a lot of emotional energy and was hard for you, and I am grateful.

In consultation with our vet and based on a lot of the advice and wisdom shared here, we have decided to say goodbye to Dennis at home this Friday.

I am a wreck, and I don't know that I can really say anything else here. Thanks to all.
posted by lazaruslong at 6:20 PM on July 28, 2020 [6 favorites]


If my experience is any guide, the grief will be intense but knowing in your heart that you found the courage to give your loved one the last thing they needed from you will help you get through it with your sanity intact.

I spent the day after Chelsea's death carving a little headstone for her. She's part of our back yard now, and in ten years she'll be part of a large and beautiful shade tree.

She died in my arms, on the deck, in sunshine and a gentle breeze scented with cut grass and blossoming jasmine.

I wouldn't mind going that way.

The weeping that still comes on whenever I think about it feels healthy and contains not a trace of guilt or shame. I hope you'll find your way to somewhere similar. It's not so bad here.
posted by flabdablet at 6:45 PM on July 28, 2020 [2 favorites]


Response by poster: Lap of Love came to our home today to euthanize Dennis. He passed in a deep sleep without pain or discomfort around 3:20PM. He had a last meal of half a hamburger and many treats and we were allowed (wearing masks) to hold and stroke him as he passed. He was the best fucking dog and our constant companion and we miss him terribly. I know we made the right decision, but I cannot right now feel anything other than an immense, overwhelming amount of psychic pain. I am so sad, and he is gone forever.
posted by lazaruslong at 5:18 PM on July 31, 2020 [9 favorites]


Sending huge enfolding Internet acquaintance hugs, for what they're worth.
posted by flabdablet at 9:06 PM on July 31, 2020 [2 favorites]


Another internet stranger who is thinking of you.

.
posted by Mchelly at 9:53 PM on August 2, 2020 [2 favorites]


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