To foster fail or not?
July 20, 2020 5:23 PM Subscribe
I'm thinking of adopting the dog I'm currently fostering, but can't decide if it's the best option for both of us.
I started fostering after my old dog died six months ago as a way to meet fun dogs and dog people, help out rescues, and enjoy the company of other four-legged munchkins. I've always had it in the back of my head that if I really love a foster, if something about the dog makes me feel like she's my dog, I could try to adopt her. Since I met my latest foster last week, I've been thinking she's the one.
Maybe?
On the one hand, *she's a 1 year old lab mix (I love this age) and loves everyone and everything. She wants to say hi to all dogs and people. She's one of the sweetest dogs I've ever met. She's a great size at around 40 lb. She gets along great with my sister's dog (who I see often) and my niece and nephew (4 and 6, so no small feat). I love having her around. We're best buds. She's been trying to stand on me while I type this, and since I told her to get off she's been prancing around moving objects from one room to the other. What's not to love??
On the other hand, she has more energy than my old dog had. I would take this dog on long walks, we'd go play with other dogs, we could hike, we could go on adventures, but my life without a dog is lazier. Left to my own devices, I would sit around most of the day. Having her would be a great motivation to be more active, and I think I've done a great job of that with my fosters. This week I've been outside and running around with this gal nonstop. But it's definitely a big permanent change, and difficult even if I'm excited about it.
Plus, I'm not very social. And less so since quarantine. This dog loves people and adventure, and I worry my life will be too quiet for her. She gets along great with other dogs and kids, so maybe she'd be happier in a busy household. Can a lab mix be happy in a quiet house with a single owner??
*Her name is still TBD. We're currently using Poppy, but that may change if I do adopt her.
I started fostering after my old dog died six months ago as a way to meet fun dogs and dog people, help out rescues, and enjoy the company of other four-legged munchkins. I've always had it in the back of my head that if I really love a foster, if something about the dog makes me feel like she's my dog, I could try to adopt her. Since I met my latest foster last week, I've been thinking she's the one.
Maybe?
On the one hand, *she's a 1 year old lab mix (I love this age) and loves everyone and everything. She wants to say hi to all dogs and people. She's one of the sweetest dogs I've ever met. She's a great size at around 40 lb. She gets along great with my sister's dog (who I see often) and my niece and nephew (4 and 6, so no small feat). I love having her around. We're best buds. She's been trying to stand on me while I type this, and since I told her to get off she's been prancing around moving objects from one room to the other. What's not to love??
On the other hand, she has more energy than my old dog had. I would take this dog on long walks, we'd go play with other dogs, we could hike, we could go on adventures, but my life without a dog is lazier. Left to my own devices, I would sit around most of the day. Having her would be a great motivation to be more active, and I think I've done a great job of that with my fosters. This week I've been outside and running around with this gal nonstop. But it's definitely a big permanent change, and difficult even if I'm excited about it.
Plus, I'm not very social. And less so since quarantine. This dog loves people and adventure, and I worry my life will be too quiet for her. She gets along great with other dogs and kids, so maybe she'd be happier in a busy household. Can a lab mix be happy in a quiet house with a single owner??
*Her name is still TBD. We're currently using Poppy, but that may change if I do adopt her.
it all sounds like upsides to me, enjoy your new sweet dog
posted by fingersandtoes at 5:37 PM on July 20, 2020 [6 favorites]
posted by fingersandtoes at 5:37 PM on July 20, 2020 [6 favorites]
Your explanation sounds like you're really reaching to find anything negative to say. If the worst thing is that she gets you out moving around more...
posted by zadcat at 5:37 PM on July 20, 2020 [21 favorites]
posted by zadcat at 5:37 PM on July 20, 2020 [21 favorites]
Would you continue to foster even if you had a dog, and would she be a good dog to help you foster others? Would she be a good leader to unsure dogs who need one, or would she get jealous and act out? Does the idea that you might need to stop fostering to focus on her make you sad and worried? It sounds like she would be a fabulous dog for lots of people, including you, but not only you. You might be a great foster parent for a succession of dogs - calm, caring, motivated. But maybe you'd be a better one with her doggy help - and maybe it would be a wonderful way to focus her energy. From this end it sounds like any choice you make will be the right one, but you know best of all.
posted by Mizu at 5:40 PM on July 20, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by Mizu at 5:40 PM on July 20, 2020 [4 favorites]
Totally agree with above responses. The dog probably won’t be happy right now with a totally sedate lifestyle, but could push you to get out a bit more than you would otherwise. This - the push to get out of the house - seems like a key reason folks get pets in the first place. Just writing to say that the pup’s energy will probably (for better or worse) fall off after a certain point. You want to keep your dog happy with lots or stimulation, but that doesn’t mean you’ll have the same demands in four or six years.
posted by exutima at 5:43 PM on July 20, 2020
posted by exutima at 5:43 PM on July 20, 2020
Best answer: That girl is YOUR girl, no doubt about it. Don't second guess adopting her any longer. Also, please smooch her nose for me, for puppy noses are for puppy kisses.
posted by Kitchen Witch at 6:07 PM on July 20, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by Kitchen Witch at 6:07 PM on July 20, 2020 [4 favorites]
Best answer: It sounds like you'll be good for each other. And that face! That's the face of a dog who loves you.
posted by Lexica at 6:08 PM on July 20, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by Lexica at 6:08 PM on July 20, 2020 [4 favorites]
She is completely adorable. I'm on team adopt.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:11 PM on July 20, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Dip Flash at 6:11 PM on July 20, 2020 [1 favorite]
Lexica just said what I was going to say -- that is the look of love. I wouldn't second guess any further.
posted by vers at 6:12 PM on July 20, 2020
posted by vers at 6:12 PM on July 20, 2020
Oh a chest star lab mix! The best. Sounds like a total sweetie who should stay with you, yes. Another good thing about these dogs is that the hybrid vigor is strong. I know more than one that trundled past 15 just fine.
posted by rockindata at 6:16 PM on July 20, 2020
posted by rockindata at 6:16 PM on July 20, 2020
My last dog was a high energy lab mix at 1, and a sporadically-energetic lab mix at 5-9. We lived in apartments almost her whole life and I never became the social butterfly I thought she would turn me into. She and you will grow together and fill in each other’s non-compatible spots—I say make it official.
posted by assenav at 6:22 PM on July 20, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by assenav at 6:22 PM on July 20, 2020 [2 favorites]
Yes; you have failed most spectacularly.
You know this.
We all can see it, and we celebrate your failure.
Kiss that snoot for us.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 6:30 PM on July 20, 2020 [23 favorites]
You know this.
We all can see it, and we celebrate your failure.
Kiss that snoot for us.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 6:30 PM on July 20, 2020 [23 favorites]
Best answer: Don't forget that, as you and the as-yet-unnamed but totally-yours dog settle in with each other, you will both change to suit each other even better. You've known her a week; she's still trying to be the dog she thinks you want her to be. And, be honest, you're trying to be the foster/owner you think she wants you to be. IOW you're both on your "first date" best behavior. This should in no way be taken as any sort of discouragement as I am squarely on Team Adopt. But over time your reservations will either vanish or be disproven. Either way, you both end up happy. Mazel Tov! Oh, and I like the name Poppy. She looks like a Poppy.
posted by DrGail at 7:20 PM on July 20, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by DrGail at 7:20 PM on July 20, 2020 [1 favorite]
One piece of information that would help is your age. Sounds like you might be older if you are averse to moving around more (sounds like me, but I'm effing old). At one year, she's probably got ten years left, do you? If not, you should let her go to a younger person, otherwise grab his ball of love an friendship. You will never regret it.
posted by charlesminus at 7:32 PM on July 20, 2020
posted by charlesminus at 7:32 PM on July 20, 2020
Congratulations on your new dog! ;)
posted by lunasol at 7:43 PM on July 20, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by lunasol at 7:43 PM on July 20, 2020 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Most questions on AskMefi are complex. So many grey areas, so many "on the other hand"s, that it's refreshing when there's a question that has such a totally clear-cut answer as this one: YES this is your dog! Keep her and cherish her :-)
I took sole care of a border-collie/Australian Shepherd mix for almost 4 years after I broke up with my ex. She lived with me from approximately age 13-17. Even in her mid-teens, she was hellaciously energetic, so getting an older dog instead of a 1-year-old is no guarantee of laid-back-ness.
We would come home from a 1-2 hour hike in the woods, and after a brief drink of water, she'd be like "That was fun! What are we doing next??" and I would be like "I don't know what you're doing, but I'm going to go rest." She might have been mildly disappointed, but she greatly enjoyed her life and I don't think she would have been happier in another household.
Like you, I am introverted, but talking to strangers about your beautiful friendly dog is really not nearly as challenging as most other social situations. The focus is on the dog and is generally very very positive. And, if you love her, you will get your butt out of the chair each and every day to take her for walks. It will be good for both of you.
posted by nirblegee at 8:00 PM on July 20, 2020 [3 favorites]
I took sole care of a border-collie/Australian Shepherd mix for almost 4 years after I broke up with my ex. She lived with me from approximately age 13-17. Even in her mid-teens, she was hellaciously energetic, so getting an older dog instead of a 1-year-old is no guarantee of laid-back-ness.
We would come home from a 1-2 hour hike in the woods, and after a brief drink of water, she'd be like "That was fun! What are we doing next??" and I would be like "I don't know what you're doing, but I'm going to go rest." She might have been mildly disappointed, but she greatly enjoyed her life and I don't think she would have been happier in another household.
Like you, I am introverted, but talking to strangers about your beautiful friendly dog is really not nearly as challenging as most other social situations. The focus is on the dog and is generally very very positive. And, if you love her, you will get your butt out of the chair each and every day to take her for walks. It will be good for both of you.
posted by nirblegee at 8:00 PM on July 20, 2020 [3 favorites]
100% you belong to one another.
posted by gollie at 8:55 PM on July 20, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by gollie at 8:55 PM on July 20, 2020 [2 favorites]
It sounds to me like this dog is a great fit for you, even (and maybe especially because) she will bring change for you. It sounds like she's plenty happy living with you rather than a larger family. But, and I hope this is not too weird, I just want to say don't feel pressured by this thread if you decide that keeping her is not for you. That is also totally an okay decision to make!
posted by ferret branca at 9:08 PM on July 20, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by ferret branca at 9:08 PM on July 20, 2020 [4 favorites]
First, a dog at 1 is going to be much more energetic than at 3 or 7 or 10. She will probably mellow out over time.
Second, it has only been a week. Do you really need to decide this fast? Can you work with the fostering agency to give yourself time to take a deep breath and give you and the dog a little more time to settle in with each other?
posted by metahawk at 10:09 PM on July 20, 2020
Second, it has only been a week. Do you really need to decide this fast? Can you work with the fostering agency to give yourself time to take a deep breath and give you and the dog a little more time to settle in with each other?
posted by metahawk at 10:09 PM on July 20, 2020
She's gorgeous! Looks and sounds very much like a herding breed mix to me (at least as much as lab), if that matters to you. She'll likely need something to keep both her mind and body busy every single day, but that's true for lots of dogs. Mental exercise often goes further than physical, especially if she does have some border collie or shepherd or a similar breed.
If you can take her out to the dog park every so often (if she's suited well to it) or hiking or even just a long-leash walk in a big park regularly, as well as your daily walks, that's adventure enough for most dogs. Sitting around the house the rest of the time is totally fine - dogs need down time too, even the energetic ones.
posted by randomnity at 10:14 PM on July 20, 2020 [1 favorite]
If you can take her out to the dog park every so often (if she's suited well to it) or hiking or even just a long-leash walk in a big park regularly, as well as your daily walks, that's adventure enough for most dogs. Sitting around the house the rest of the time is totally fine - dogs need down time too, even the energetic ones.
posted by randomnity at 10:14 PM on July 20, 2020 [1 favorite]
This was always my fear when I was fostering--that I was old and quiet and sedentary and would bore a dog or frustrate them and they'd act out. And I also figured once I found The One, I'd keep them (though in my case, I was reluctant to do that because my place is so small, if I kept one, I wouldn't be able to keep fostering, so they really had to be perfect).
I had The One, and she was perfect, but my dad was dying and I couldn't see leaving her at home for long periods of time while I had to go take care of things with him, but couldn't bring her with me because she howled and upset the other residents. So she got adopted, and then my dad died right after, and I have kicked myself ever since that I let her get away. She was just the best. I would have been so happy, and she would have too.
Don't be like me! She sounds like a keeper, and whatever you do will make her happy, I'm sure of it. Don't end up regretting letting her go! And if, you know, it ends up not working out, that she needs better energy or something, you can always work with the rescue group again. It won't be the first time it's happened.
posted by kitten kaboodle at 10:24 PM on July 20, 2020 [5 favorites]
I had The One, and she was perfect, but my dad was dying and I couldn't see leaving her at home for long periods of time while I had to go take care of things with him, but couldn't bring her with me because she howled and upset the other residents. So she got adopted, and then my dad died right after, and I have kicked myself ever since that I let her get away. She was just the best. I would have been so happy, and she would have too.
Don't be like me! She sounds like a keeper, and whatever you do will make her happy, I'm sure of it. Don't end up regretting letting her go! And if, you know, it ends up not working out, that she needs better energy or something, you can always work with the rescue group again. It won't be the first time it's happened.
posted by kitten kaboodle at 10:24 PM on July 20, 2020 [5 favorites]
How soon do you need to make a decision? A week isn't a lot of time for two individuals to get used to each other, and while I think ultimately you'll be happy keeping her, maybe it'll help settle your fears if you can spend a bit more time with her before you decide.
posted by Aleyn at 10:49 PM on July 20, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Aleyn at 10:49 PM on July 20, 2020 [1 favorite]
But it's definitely a big permanent change, and difficult even if I'm excited about it.
I think it would only be temporarily difficult. This is the only real thing you raise as a negative - the fact you'll have to get used to more exercise. If you've been less active for a while, that'll inevitably feel a touch irksome for a bit just because your body and mind are out of practice with exercising regularly. But I do think that'll fade as your body gets fitter and your brain gets used to having the free time to roam while you walk. Won't be long before you'll feel better for it, and maybe looking back thinking "Ah, it was nice to have that lazy spell, but I'm glad it didn't become permanent."
posted by penguin pie at 3:00 AM on July 21, 2020 [3 favorites]
I think it would only be temporarily difficult. This is the only real thing you raise as a negative - the fact you'll have to get used to more exercise. If you've been less active for a while, that'll inevitably feel a touch irksome for a bit just because your body and mind are out of practice with exercising regularly. But I do think that'll fade as your body gets fitter and your brain gets used to having the free time to roam while you walk. Won't be long before you'll feel better for it, and maybe looking back thinking "Ah, it was nice to have that lazy spell, but I'm glad it didn't become permanent."
posted by penguin pie at 3:00 AM on July 21, 2020 [3 favorites]
Even your negatives are really not very negative at all.
You've found your new best friend. Keep her.
posted by bile and syntax at 9:02 AM on July 21, 2020 [2 favorites]
You've found your new best friend. Keep her.
posted by bile and syntax at 9:02 AM on July 21, 2020 [2 favorites]
Even your negatives sound like positives to me. And she loves you! I say give that doggie a forever home.
posted by rpfields at 9:10 AM on July 21, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by rpfields at 9:10 AM on July 21, 2020 [1 favorite]
> Can a lab mix be happy in a quiet house with a single owner??
If she ends up needing more time around other dogs than you can provide, could you get a dog walker to take her out with a pack once a week?
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:51 AM on July 21, 2020
If she ends up needing more time around other dogs than you can provide, could you get a dog walker to take her out with a pack once a week?
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:51 AM on July 21, 2020
Response by poster: Thank you all!
I am 36. I definitely hope I have 10 years or more left. I’m just lazy :)
After I wrote this, it was like a switch flipped and Poppy realized she could be her true self: a goofy puppy causing all sorts of trouble, biting everything, jumping on me, trying to tear things apart. It was like she knew you guys wanted her to stay or she wanted me to understand exactly who she is. She also may be 6 months old!! Which makes me nervous about how big she’ll get!
I have 10 days from the start of fostering her to decide if I want to adopt. After that she’s done with her health/behavior “quarantine” and the rescue makes her available to adopt. So I have til Thursday.
Thank you again for all these answers!!! I am going to see if they’ll let me extend this quarantine slightly. She is a rascal.
posted by violetish at 10:13 AM on July 21, 2020 [2 favorites]
I am 36. I definitely hope I have 10 years or more left. I’m just lazy :)
After I wrote this, it was like a switch flipped and Poppy realized she could be her true self: a goofy puppy causing all sorts of trouble, biting everything, jumping on me, trying to tear things apart. It was like she knew you guys wanted her to stay or she wanted me to understand exactly who she is. She also may be 6 months old!! Which makes me nervous about how big she’ll get!
I have 10 days from the start of fostering her to decide if I want to adopt. After that she’s done with her health/behavior “quarantine” and the rescue makes her available to adopt. So I have til Thursday.
Thank you again for all these answers!!! I am going to see if they’ll let me extend this quarantine slightly. She is a rascal.
posted by violetish at 10:13 AM on July 21, 2020 [2 favorites]
Best answer: She does look more like a 6 month old than an adult, now that you mention it!
If it helps, my dog was 46 pounds at 6 months and she's pretty much full-grown now at 1.5 years and 70 pounds (roughly lab sized, and had a similar face shape to your girl at 6 months - we are actually doing a DNA test right now but we think she's mainly lab/alaskan husky/GSD). Growth rates can vary a bit but if she really is around 6 months and 40 pounds without being a skeleton, she's not likely to be a massive adult, unless you let her get extremely obese I guess.
Watch out for adolescent behaviour popping up soon if she is close to 6 months now - it can be a challenging time. I've found the puppy101 subreddit to be a helpful resource during this time. The more basic training you can do before the teenage attitude kicks in, the easier it'll be to get through it.
posted by randomnity at 11:30 AM on July 21, 2020
If it helps, my dog was 46 pounds at 6 months and she's pretty much full-grown now at 1.5 years and 70 pounds (roughly lab sized, and had a similar face shape to your girl at 6 months - we are actually doing a DNA test right now but we think she's mainly lab/alaskan husky/GSD). Growth rates can vary a bit but if she really is around 6 months and 40 pounds without being a skeleton, she's not likely to be a massive adult, unless you let her get extremely obese I guess.
Watch out for adolescent behaviour popping up soon if she is close to 6 months now - it can be a challenging time. I've found the puppy101 subreddit to be a helpful resource during this time. The more basic training you can do before the teenage attitude kicks in, the easier it'll be to get through it.
posted by randomnity at 11:30 AM on July 21, 2020
I'll also add, depending how confident you are about her age (maybe discuss with your vet), you'll want to consider switching to a large breed puppy food. Since a 6 month puppy at 40 pounds is likely to end up towards the smaller end of "large breed", you can reduce the chances of joint problems later by feeding a kibble specifically formulated for large-breed puppies until she finishes growing.
posted by randomnity at 11:38 AM on July 21, 2020
posted by randomnity at 11:38 AM on July 21, 2020
If she's 6 months old then her current energy levels don't really tell you too much about her potential energy levels at 3 or 6 or 10 years old. My dog was like nirblegee's dog above until he was 3 or so - we'd go for a long walk including a trip to the dog park, he'd nap for like 20 minutes and then wonder what we were doing next. His energy levels dropped off a lot around age 3/4 (to the point I actually asked his vet if I should be worried, the answer was no). For the last few years (he's now 7) he's good if he gets a solid walk/run in the morning (we usually go to the dog park so he can run and explore off-leash) and maybe a couple of other adventures during the week. Otherwise he's happy to hang around the house and snooze.
As a puppy/adolescent, her energy levels will really dictate things because most puppies have energy they MUST burn. But as she gets older, you will adjust to each other. You'll probably be a bit more active than you would be without her, but she as she grows, she'll adjust to your preferred level of activity too. Dogs are a very flexible species and while there are outliers, they adjust to their human companions (and we adjust to them).
posted by lunasol at 12:47 PM on July 21, 2020
As a puppy/adolescent, her energy levels will really dictate things because most puppies have energy they MUST burn. But as she gets older, you will adjust to each other. You'll probably be a bit more active than you would be without her, but she as she grows, she'll adjust to your preferred level of activity too. Dogs are a very flexible species and while there are outliers, they adjust to their human companions (and we adjust to them).
posted by lunasol at 12:47 PM on July 21, 2020
Best answer: Oh wow I have a pretty different read on this situation than others! Maybe because I foster dogs too, have foster failed, and have had regrets. It’s tough — people are SO HAPPY when you foster fail! But one week is...not a lot of time to get to know a dog. It takes upwards of a year for them to truly settle in, which can make it a gamble. (My most successful foster fail was of a dog who I fostered for a year during heartworm treatment, he was a much different but better dog by the end of our time together!) Couple questions that might help you decide. These are not “gotcha” questions by any means, and you may have already thought of these!
How’s your budget looking for the long-term for a larger breed dog, beyond the obvious stuff like vet bills and food? Training can be pricy, at your foster’s age she’s old enough to have acquired behavioral issues and even if she has none, training is pretty much a must. Don’t get me wrong, training can be super fun and it’s a really good way of tiring out dogs who have a lot of energy!
Other expenses for energetic dogs can be things like dog walkers or doggy day care for times when you can’t get enough exercise in. Not only that, but having a high energy dog as a lower-energy person (that’s me!) means you don’t get a day off without outsourcing (which equals money and expending introvert energy to coordinate), or you might skip a day, and then the next day your dog is acting absolutely nuts.
Walks don’t cut it for high energy dogs, so do you have the space to get in some good aerobic exercise when she can’t get it in playing with other dogs? One nice thing though is that dogs who like to chase can be tired out very quickly with a flirt pole, but even playing with it every night for 30 minutes or more like I do with my dog can be a lot some days!
In addition to the physical stimulation, how are you feeling about daily enrichment for a smart dog who wants your attention all the time? (Again, that’s my dog!) Mentally tiring out a dog is really rewarding, but it does take work...puzzle toys, kong-type things, snuffle mats, nose work, all the goodies that reduce frustration in dogs and teach them how to settle do take time, sometimes money, and consistency.
Basically, my questions come down to: do you want to keep up this kind of potential workload for years? It’s rewarding for you, too, and also, she sounds like she’s worth it! I like having my dog who makes me get a ton more exercise than I normally would. BUT: I also feel like 50% of my mental energy each day is keeping her from climbing the walls or keeping my guilt at not giving her all the social time she wants.
Lastly...one thing I always weigh with my fosters is this: is she likely to get adopted right away? If yes, I try to remind myself that it’s okay to get attached and be sad about saying goodbye, but ultimately my job as a foster is to be the pit stop before a forever home and that I do a lot of good by keeping my doors open for the next foster. Young, adoptable dogs, especially lab mixes, can have really wonderful candidates vying to adopt them, at least, if you live in a place where there’s a pretty good demand for adoptable dogs and not someplace where even perfect dogs are getting euthanized.
I don’t think it’s unfair to this dog if you did keep her and I am positive you’d give her an amazing life and you’d be happy together! But can you rest easy thinking that there’s a busy family out there that she’d also be incredibly happy with? Those aren’t easy questions, obviously. But I think it’s important to ask them and remember that people are generally going to romanticize how dogs pick you and how you just know dogs are the one. In my case, every dog and cat I have ever fostered has made me feel this way! The ones I picked haven’t always been the best fit, and sometimes they have been! So now I try really hard to ask tough questions that make me seem a little cold-hearted.
Keep us updated whatever you choose! If you do decide to adopt I will be full of joy for you!
posted by the thorn bushes have roses at 12:52 PM on July 21, 2020 [5 favorites]
How’s your budget looking for the long-term for a larger breed dog, beyond the obvious stuff like vet bills and food? Training can be pricy, at your foster’s age she’s old enough to have acquired behavioral issues and even if she has none, training is pretty much a must. Don’t get me wrong, training can be super fun and it’s a really good way of tiring out dogs who have a lot of energy!
Other expenses for energetic dogs can be things like dog walkers or doggy day care for times when you can’t get enough exercise in. Not only that, but having a high energy dog as a lower-energy person (that’s me!) means you don’t get a day off without outsourcing (which equals money and expending introvert energy to coordinate), or you might skip a day, and then the next day your dog is acting absolutely nuts.
Walks don’t cut it for high energy dogs, so do you have the space to get in some good aerobic exercise when she can’t get it in playing with other dogs? One nice thing though is that dogs who like to chase can be tired out very quickly with a flirt pole, but even playing with it every night for 30 minutes or more like I do with my dog can be a lot some days!
In addition to the physical stimulation, how are you feeling about daily enrichment for a smart dog who wants your attention all the time? (Again, that’s my dog!) Mentally tiring out a dog is really rewarding, but it does take work...puzzle toys, kong-type things, snuffle mats, nose work, all the goodies that reduce frustration in dogs and teach them how to settle do take time, sometimes money, and consistency.
Basically, my questions come down to: do you want to keep up this kind of potential workload for years? It’s rewarding for you, too, and also, she sounds like she’s worth it! I like having my dog who makes me get a ton more exercise than I normally would. BUT: I also feel like 50% of my mental energy each day is keeping her from climbing the walls or keeping my guilt at not giving her all the social time she wants.
Lastly...one thing I always weigh with my fosters is this: is she likely to get adopted right away? If yes, I try to remind myself that it’s okay to get attached and be sad about saying goodbye, but ultimately my job as a foster is to be the pit stop before a forever home and that I do a lot of good by keeping my doors open for the next foster. Young, adoptable dogs, especially lab mixes, can have really wonderful candidates vying to adopt them, at least, if you live in a place where there’s a pretty good demand for adoptable dogs and not someplace where even perfect dogs are getting euthanized.
I don’t think it’s unfair to this dog if you did keep her and I am positive you’d give her an amazing life and you’d be happy together! But can you rest easy thinking that there’s a busy family out there that she’d also be incredibly happy with? Those aren’t easy questions, obviously. But I think it’s important to ask them and remember that people are generally going to romanticize how dogs pick you and how you just know dogs are the one. In my case, every dog and cat I have ever fostered has made me feel this way! The ones I picked haven’t always been the best fit, and sometimes they have been! So now I try really hard to ask tough questions that make me seem a little cold-hearted.
Keep us updated whatever you choose! If you do decide to adopt I will be full of joy for you!
posted by the thorn bushes have roses at 12:52 PM on July 21, 2020 [5 favorites]
If you have bike skills, we keep our high energy hound exercised by having her trot alongside (leashed) while biking. We stop every now & again for sniffing and a change of pace, but generally it’s less social than walking. Mostly waves & very brief greetings.
posted by childofTethys at 2:50 PM on July 21, 2020
posted by childofTethys at 2:50 PM on July 21, 2020
Response by poster: An update:
After a lot of consideration, I decided to let my girl Poppy go up for adoption. She has always been so so happy at my sister’s house with two kids and a second dog running around, and I think a busier home will be so much more fun for her than my place. I do think the points raised here are right - with a dog like Pops I would get out more and we could have tons of fun together! But the thorn bushes made a great point about how many people there are here in CO who can provide her with even more fun. So it’s breaking my heart, but Poppy is not going to be my dog.
Today we met the absolute best family though. Such a great fit. And they have a cat - Poppy is going to love that cat whether or not the feeling is mutual :)
Thank you again for your thoughtful responses! I have a lot more ideas in my head now around how to find the right fit for me. Hopefully sooner rather than later.
posted by violetish at 8:36 PM on July 28, 2020 [10 favorites]
After a lot of consideration, I decided to let my girl Poppy go up for adoption. She has always been so so happy at my sister’s house with two kids and a second dog running around, and I think a busier home will be so much more fun for her than my place. I do think the points raised here are right - with a dog like Pops I would get out more and we could have tons of fun together! But the thorn bushes made a great point about how many people there are here in CO who can provide her with even more fun. So it’s breaking my heart, but Poppy is not going to be my dog.
Today we met the absolute best family though. Such a great fit. And they have a cat - Poppy is going to love that cat whether or not the feeling is mutual :)
Thank you again for your thoughtful responses! I have a lot more ideas in my head now around how to find the right fit for me. Hopefully sooner rather than later.
posted by violetish at 8:36 PM on July 28, 2020 [10 favorites]
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posted by tafetta, darling! at 5:28 PM on July 20, 2020 [21 favorites]