Journal/Self-Help Book Recs for Men
July 11, 2020 1:56 PM Subscribe
Looking for a journaling/self-help guide for my partner, something that maybe gives journaling prompts or ideas for men to "get to know themselves better."
As a cis woman I've been conditioned to do a lot of emotional heavy lifting, both in my own self-development and in my interpersonal relationships. My male partner is quite emotionally intelligent, but I can definitely see how toxic-masculine society has shaped how he relates to himself emotionally (the usual tropes: "Men don't have feelings," and "I must prove my worth by providing value and intelligence at home and work"). Since his 40th birthday, he's been struggling with his confidence. Covid isolation isn't helping.
I don't exactly know what I'm looking for, but I wondered if anyone had any recommendations for a kind of self-help book or journal that would provide journal prompts or activities for him to learn how to develop a more emotional relationship with himself, learning to find inherent worth and self-love without external validation. I realize this is something that people of all genders struggle with, but I wonder if there's stuff out there specifically for men struggling to uproot deeply engrained cultural dichotomies. I'm hoping for something more interactive instead of something you'd only read, but open to whatever works.
I've been doing informal things like this my whole life, but the concept of learning self-love without external validation (going on dates, etc) seemed really foreign to him. I think these are things he understands intellectually (I understand that I have value and am worthy of love) but I don't think he really knows what it's like to really *feel* those things.
As a cis woman I've been conditioned to do a lot of emotional heavy lifting, both in my own self-development and in my interpersonal relationships. My male partner is quite emotionally intelligent, but I can definitely see how toxic-masculine society has shaped how he relates to himself emotionally (the usual tropes: "Men don't have feelings," and "I must prove my worth by providing value and intelligence at home and work"). Since his 40th birthday, he's been struggling with his confidence. Covid isolation isn't helping.
I don't exactly know what I'm looking for, but I wondered if anyone had any recommendations for a kind of self-help book or journal that would provide journal prompts or activities for him to learn how to develop a more emotional relationship with himself, learning to find inherent worth and self-love without external validation. I realize this is something that people of all genders struggle with, but I wonder if there's stuff out there specifically for men struggling to uproot deeply engrained cultural dichotomies. I'm hoping for something more interactive instead of something you'd only read, but open to whatever works.
I've been doing informal things like this my whole life, but the concept of learning self-love without external validation (going on dates, etc) seemed really foreign to him. I think these are things he understands intellectually (I understand that I have value and am worthy of love) but I don't think he really knows what it's like to really *feel* those things.
There was a kickstarter for a journal that worked for men's mental health. I am in the school of "we all have mental health" so I would love to read the book the guy behind the project wrote, hopefully suggesting it would be taken as a growth opportunity and not as a criticism.
MindJournal: This Book Will Make You Stronger – The Guide to Journalling for Men
by Ollie Aplin
MindJournal is a groundbreaking movement that's helped thousands of guys to change their lives through journaling. MindJournal: This Book Will Make You Stronger guides you through the scientifically researched MindJournal framework, helping you to understand the powerful benefits of journaling.
This Book Will Make You Stronger is a guide to not only journaling but how to live a healthier and happier life. While the objective is to get you writing, the ultimate goal is to help you become more aware of how you look after yourself and the people around you.
Using the 30-question writing programme, with detailed explanations and plenty of motivation and support, this book will become a personal trainer for life.
As far as I can tell you could still benefit from the guide using your own journal. I think the MindJournal was a separate product that used to pop up in my Facebook feed and that might cost a bit to get posted to the US (assuming that's where you live).
posted by AuroraSky at 2:50 PM on July 11, 2020
MindJournal: This Book Will Make You Stronger – The Guide to Journalling for Men
by Ollie Aplin
MindJournal is a groundbreaking movement that's helped thousands of guys to change their lives through journaling. MindJournal: This Book Will Make You Stronger guides you through the scientifically researched MindJournal framework, helping you to understand the powerful benefits of journaling.
This Book Will Make You Stronger is a guide to not only journaling but how to live a healthier and happier life. While the objective is to get you writing, the ultimate goal is to help you become more aware of how you look after yourself and the people around you.
Using the 30-question writing programme, with detailed explanations and plenty of motivation and support, this book will become a personal trainer for life.
As far as I can tell you could still benefit from the guide using your own journal. I think the MindJournal was a separate product that used to pop up in my Facebook feed and that might cost a bit to get posted to the US (assuming that's where you live).
posted by AuroraSky at 2:50 PM on July 11, 2020
This isn't man-specific (sorry!), but I still think that the Know Yourself prompt cards from Alain de Botton's School of Life might be helpful. Even though I have lady-parts, I'm not very in touch with my emotions, and they've been very helpful for me in journaling that focuses on my feelings.
posted by nosila at 2:54 PM on July 11, 2020
posted by nosila at 2:54 PM on July 11, 2020
During a difficult time in my life I came up with a list of journal prompts for myself and then my partner helped me design a little program to give them to me randomly anytime I clicked on the link. I have about 5-6 months worth and you're welcome to use the link.
posted by brookeb at 3:06 PM on July 11, 2020 [9 favorites]
posted by brookeb at 3:06 PM on July 11, 2020 [9 favorites]
My partner has the language of emotional intelligence but has been doing a lot of what sounds like similar, deeper work for the past year or so. What he's found really useful: therapy. He also spoke highly of the book I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression by Terry Real. He and I both really appreciated Terry Real's audiobook Fierce Intimacy. Terry is great because he's an older man, a therapist, and he also identifies as a feminist. He talks about these things in different ways than I've read from books written by women.
Did you see this article "Men Have No Friends and Women Bear the Burden" that was circulating about a year ago? If not, this would be a great read for you and your partner. And this article strongly recommends that men talk to other men more about these things with intention. If he doesn't have men friends that he connects with emotionally, could he look into a men's group as is discussed in that article?
(Also, maybe you know this, but looking for this kind of support for him is still a lot of emotional heavy lifting on your part. At some point, he needs to lead on this, for your sake.)
posted by bluedaisy at 9:58 PM on July 11, 2020 [1 favorite]
Did you see this article "Men Have No Friends and Women Bear the Burden" that was circulating about a year ago? If not, this would be a great read for you and your partner. And this article strongly recommends that men talk to other men more about these things with intention. If he doesn't have men friends that he connects with emotionally, could he look into a men's group as is discussed in that article?
(Also, maybe you know this, but looking for this kind of support for him is still a lot of emotional heavy lifting on your part. At some point, he needs to lead on this, for your sake.)
posted by bluedaisy at 9:58 PM on July 11, 2020 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks for the help.
I should have clarified:
He's already in therapy and I'm by no means taking responsibility for his mental health, I'm just looking for a thoughtful birthday present.
posted by Autumn Willow at 11:56 PM on July 11, 2020 [1 favorite]
I should have clarified:
He's already in therapy and I'm by no means taking responsibility for his mental health, I'm just looking for a thoughtful birthday present.
posted by Autumn Willow at 11:56 PM on July 11, 2020 [1 favorite]
You might want to check out The Daily Stoic Journal. I see that the first few reviews on Goodreads are negative. And Stoicism* may well sound questionable for your criteria, but I have found it a remarkably versatile system of thought and if you are not familiar with it, learning the basics could be quite fun. Get the journal though, not the book.
*It sounds like it is the opposite of emotional but that's kind of a popular misnomer, I think. Like all the Greek/Roman classics it's been co-opted in a number of ways. The emperor Nero co-opted it! But there's nothing wrong with the fundamental ideas.
posted by BibiRose at 6:46 AM on July 12, 2020 [1 favorite]
*It sounds like it is the opposite of emotional but that's kind of a popular misnomer, I think. Like all the Greek/Roman classics it's been co-opted in a number of ways. The emperor Nero co-opted it! But there's nothing wrong with the fundamental ideas.
posted by BibiRose at 6:46 AM on July 12, 2020 [1 favorite]
Neither of these are gender-specific, but both have been very helpful for me (a man):
For developing the emotional side: "Morning pages" from The Artist's Way
For dealing with the confidence piece: The Feeling Good Handbook
posted by callmejay at 7:21 AM on July 24, 2020
For developing the emotional side: "Morning pages" from The Artist's Way
For dealing with the confidence piece: The Feeling Good Handbook
posted by callmejay at 7:21 AM on July 24, 2020
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These more theoretical readings might be even better than something more straightforward. At least, my thinking is that, if he already recognizes that there are problems, maybe better understanding their nature will be a lead-in to tackling them in a practical way.
The two books are:
Invisible Men: Men's Inner Lives and the Consequences of Silence by Michael Addis
and
I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression by Terrace Real
posted by davedave at 2:41 PM on July 11, 2020