Resources on feeding picky kids
June 2, 2020 11:48 AM Subscribe
Do you know of any books or blogs that will help me sort out how to feed my kids?
I am a newly single mom with two kids, ages 8 and 5, and I have discovered that I do not find it easy to feed them well when it's just me.
I am a decent cook and I even enjoy cooking, but when it comes time to sort out meals for the kids, I get exhausted and frustrated with the discussion very quickly. They have eaten more mac and cheese and McDonald's in the past couple of months than I would have preferred to feed them in a lifetime. There is a really weird contrast going on right now where I am trying to learn how to feed myself (which means having fun with cooking when they are not with me), while I am trying to learn how to feed them (so many FEELINGS). There's also quite possibly some stuff going on with the kids trying to assert control in times of coronavirus, which is making it even harder to feed them (they are rejecting their usual standbys). Because of this last bit, I know this is not a problem I am going to solve very quickly, possibly not at all right now, but I want to start thinking about it.
Most of that aside, really, because I don't need to give you a lot of information on how badly it's going here to get what I want: I don't mind your direct advice on feeding kids, but what I really want is a resource on feeding kids well (healthfully and joyfully, not obsessed with thinness, no bullshit about eating everything on your plate/suffering to eat, no shame) and helping them learn to like a variety of foods, with a side dose of not putting a high level of effort into the actual cooking (sometimes I can, sometimes I can't, and that's the reality of it). I need ways of thinking and questions to ask myself more than I need quick-fix advice, if that makes sense. A book would be great (a guide preferred over a cookbook, but either is good), a blog is welcome, or even a really well-researched article. I've been googling, but what's out there is all over the place and I want personal experience.
I am a newly single mom with two kids, ages 8 and 5, and I have discovered that I do not find it easy to feed them well when it's just me.
I am a decent cook and I even enjoy cooking, but when it comes time to sort out meals for the kids, I get exhausted and frustrated with the discussion very quickly. They have eaten more mac and cheese and McDonald's in the past couple of months than I would have preferred to feed them in a lifetime. There is a really weird contrast going on right now where I am trying to learn how to feed myself (which means having fun with cooking when they are not with me), while I am trying to learn how to feed them (so many FEELINGS). There's also quite possibly some stuff going on with the kids trying to assert control in times of coronavirus, which is making it even harder to feed them (they are rejecting their usual standbys). Because of this last bit, I know this is not a problem I am going to solve very quickly, possibly not at all right now, but I want to start thinking about it.
Most of that aside, really, because I don't need to give you a lot of information on how badly it's going here to get what I want: I don't mind your direct advice on feeding kids, but what I really want is a resource on feeding kids well (healthfully and joyfully, not obsessed with thinness, no bullshit about eating everything on your plate/suffering to eat, no shame) and helping them learn to like a variety of foods, with a side dose of not putting a high level of effort into the actual cooking (sometimes I can, sometimes I can't, and that's the reality of it). I need ways of thinking and questions to ask myself more than I need quick-fix advice, if that makes sense. A book would be great (a guide preferred over a cookbook, but either is good), a blog is welcome, or even a really well-researched article. I've been googling, but what's out there is all over the place and I want personal experience.
A long, fascinating article on how taste and food preferences develop: Can Babies Learn to Love Vegetables?. More context than practical steps, but the main message: "We learn to eat what we’re given to eat." (Easier said than done, of course.)
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 12:01 PM on June 2, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 12:01 PM on June 2, 2020 [1 favorite]
I have two little boys aged 4 and 5 with sensory issues which are in play- issues with texture, rigidity, strong need for routine. Plus the regular power plays of any child. I never know when to be tough or when to push something new. I like to remind myself that most slim and healthy people actually don’t eat a very varied diet, usually try have a healthy food routine. So I am okay with my kids eating a short list of foods as long as they get Fibre and not a lot of sugar. I give them a choice between beans and something else.
posted by pairofshades at 12:23 PM on June 2, 2020
posted by pairofshades at 12:23 PM on June 2, 2020
Oh and I like Belinda norton who is an Aussie with a blog that has a strong kid component.
posted by pairofshades at 12:24 PM on June 2, 2020
posted by pairofshades at 12:24 PM on June 2, 2020
Came in to recommend Ellyn Satter. I was raised in a *very* messed up food environment and she really helped me to frame my thinking. It's worked out well overall. Everything I say below is tiny compared to that.
On a personal note, having a wide variety of food does not mean elaborate food preparation, and people/culture often conflate the two, especially in a post-Food Network society. With my kids I have at times (not in the middle of massive societal unrest in a pandemic) had some fun games to do with it as follows:
"New fruit of the week" - on Saturdays (shopping day of the past) we would try one new fruit. For us that was dragonfruit, lychee, canary melon, plucot, breadfruit etc. No pressure. Just some fuss on my part "here's the NEW FRUIT of the week, do you want a piece?" I was modelling trying it myself.
Veggie trays, just like carrots/cucumber/broccoli/celery/snow peas/cauliflower/cherry tomatoes. SMALL quantities. I put them out around 3:30 until when I'm finished cooking. Some days they sit and end up in my lunch, most days they vanish.
We have a somewhat predictable routine which helps me not get overwhelmed and the kids have comfort. Lately we've had Taco Tuesday, Homemade Pizza Saturday (sometimes just on naan/pita bread), an Egg Pie + frozen veg (i.e. quiche, one of my kids would eat 'egg pie' but not 'quiche') night and a soup + salad night.
At the times I have been motivated to push harder we've had country theme nights where we play music from that country and try some food (K-pop, Japchae noodles.) Again this isn't to pressure you at all, but to share that for us adding some joy and showing me trying new things - even when it results in the kids actually eating peanut butter toast - has helped.
posted by warriorqueen at 12:33 PM on June 2, 2020 [6 favorites]
On a personal note, having a wide variety of food does not mean elaborate food preparation, and people/culture often conflate the two, especially in a post-Food Network society. With my kids I have at times (not in the middle of massive societal unrest in a pandemic) had some fun games to do with it as follows:
"New fruit of the week" - on Saturdays (shopping day of the past) we would try one new fruit. For us that was dragonfruit, lychee, canary melon, plucot, breadfruit etc. No pressure. Just some fuss on my part "here's the NEW FRUIT of the week, do you want a piece?" I was modelling trying it myself.
Veggie trays, just like carrots/cucumber/broccoli/celery/snow peas/cauliflower/cherry tomatoes. SMALL quantities. I put them out around 3:30 until when I'm finished cooking. Some days they sit and end up in my lunch, most days they vanish.
We have a somewhat predictable routine which helps me not get overwhelmed and the kids have comfort. Lately we've had Taco Tuesday, Homemade Pizza Saturday (sometimes just on naan/pita bread), an Egg Pie + frozen veg (i.e. quiche, one of my kids would eat 'egg pie' but not 'quiche') night and a soup + salad night.
At the times I have been motivated to push harder we've had country theme nights where we play music from that country and try some food (K-pop, Japchae noodles.) Again this isn't to pressure you at all, but to share that for us adding some joy and showing me trying new things - even when it results in the kids actually eating peanut butter toast - has helped.
posted by warriorqueen at 12:33 PM on June 2, 2020 [6 favorites]
Bee Wilson's First Bite: How We Learn to Eat touches on research into getting kids to eat; it might be worth getting from the library.
(This is really, really hard. Friends of ours are a chef, and a pediatric vaccine researcher -- people who know food and kid health -- and one kid eats everything and the other nothing. Sometimes, it's the kid. Eventually the teen years hit when the kid grows five inches and is always HUNGRY and will finally try new things.)
posted by JawnBigboote at 12:33 PM on June 2, 2020 [1 favorite]
(This is really, really hard. Friends of ours are a chef, and a pediatric vaccine researcher -- people who know food and kid health -- and one kid eats everything and the other nothing. Sometimes, it's the kid. Eventually the teen years hit when the kid grows five inches and is always HUNGRY and will finally try new things.)
posted by JawnBigboote at 12:33 PM on June 2, 2020 [1 favorite]
Yourkidstable.com
Highchairchronicles.com
posted by never.was.and.never.will.be. at 12:53 PM on June 2, 2020
Highchairchronicles.com
posted by never.was.and.never.will.be. at 12:53 PM on June 2, 2020
If you’re on Instagram, I really like @kids.eat.in.color and @feedinglittles. I think they’re both exactly what you’re looking for, and they both have non-Instagram resources (articles, classes, etc.). Highly recommended both by our OTs and other professionals and by this mom of a kid with eating difficulties.
posted by bananacabana at 1:01 PM on June 2, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by bananacabana at 1:01 PM on June 2, 2020 [2 favorites]
Seconding First Bite; we read it in advance of the baby and it had a lot of concrete useful ideas as well as a very congenial attitude in general.
posted by implied_otter at 2:13 PM on June 2, 2020
posted by implied_otter at 2:13 PM on June 2, 2020
I don't have the kind of advice you want, I'm sorry. Mine are all much older now, but I do have two thoughts that may or may not help; they certainly got me through the more picky times.
Your kids are at the age where many of them like sauces... if there is something they like, let them dunk anything and everything in it. And the other: have them help cook.
posted by stormyteal at 6:09 PM on June 2, 2020 [1 favorite]
Your kids are at the age where many of them like sauces... if there is something they like, let them dunk anything and everything in it. And the other: have them help cook.
posted by stormyteal at 6:09 PM on June 2, 2020 [1 favorite]
and one kid eats everything and the other nothing. Sometimes, it's the kid
2nding this. I’m a passionate cook-from-scratcher with lots of time to devote to this issue and I do all the stuff given as advice. One kid lives on milk, chocolate, cereal and white bread and is just generally hard to get to eat *anything* because she doesn’t notice she’s hungry until she’s in full blown hangry mode. Plus her ‘allowed’ foods shift all the time so even the standards sometimes don’t work. I have to make her snack, find out what she likes, work around it. Be happy with a bite of salami.
The other eats (or at least tries) everything and follows all the textbooks by building a well-balanced diet out of the stuff on offer without much intervention. She’s the model eater.
Compromise, compromise, compromise, and you’re probably not doing anything wrong. It’s just hard work to get them fed sometimes -- emotionally hard, too.
posted by The Toad at 9:31 PM on June 2, 2020
2nding this. I’m a passionate cook-from-scratcher with lots of time to devote to this issue and I do all the stuff given as advice. One kid lives on milk, chocolate, cereal and white bread and is just generally hard to get to eat *anything* because she doesn’t notice she’s hungry until she’s in full blown hangry mode. Plus her ‘allowed’ foods shift all the time so even the standards sometimes don’t work. I have to make her snack, find out what she likes, work around it. Be happy with a bite of salami.
The other eats (or at least tries) everything and follows all the textbooks by building a well-balanced diet out of the stuff on offer without much intervention. She’s the model eater.
Compromise, compromise, compromise, and you’re probably not doing anything wrong. It’s just hard work to get them fed sometimes -- emotionally hard, too.
posted by The Toad at 9:31 PM on June 2, 2020
I also have a picky eater and have struggled a lot with this. I don't have concrete advice for going forward (though I like a lot of the advice above, especially that from warriorqueen) but I would try to avoid anyone who says "if you did not do this from birth, you are screwed." In general, I find a lot of writing about kids' eating extremely judgemental of parents, in a way that makes trying new foods with older kids discouraging.
(I do like Ellyn Satter, however, who is wonderful, though oddly off on breastfeeding, but you're past that!)
posted by caoimhe at 4:29 AM on June 3, 2020
(I do like Ellyn Satter, however, who is wonderful, though oddly off on breastfeeding, but you're past that!)
posted by caoimhe at 4:29 AM on June 3, 2020
Ellyn Satler is great. I'm in a similar boat in terms of living and cooking on my own, but also my kid, who is not picky but very much will ignore all hunger signals and has a capricious approach. The Satler stuff gives me a good grip on feeding myself too - I am where the kid gets the hangry from, plus varying other issues.
What it means is that I generally grocery shop when she is with me - we plan meals, pick out various fruits and meats, and make sure we have the basics that we know are palatable even when stressed (her: oatmeal, me: toast). I also embrace the snacks - a pile of clementines, a box of various things in the pantry (lately corn chips), vegie sticks there with some dip. She might take an hour to eat it between distractions but it's something.
Having easy and reliable snacks makes eating easier for my kid - sometimes she may overdo it and not eat much dinner but we are far less likely to run into massive emotional walls around food. I am the same so I understand that at some point in the process even if you need to eat, food sounds godawful. But if I have a handful of carrot sticks, or if she has a spoonful of peanut butter, the ability to make food decisions becomes easier.
posted by geek anachronism at 3:10 PM on June 3, 2020
What it means is that I generally grocery shop when she is with me - we plan meals, pick out various fruits and meats, and make sure we have the basics that we know are palatable even when stressed (her: oatmeal, me: toast). I also embrace the snacks - a pile of clementines, a box of various things in the pantry (lately corn chips), vegie sticks there with some dip. She might take an hour to eat it between distractions but it's something.
Having easy and reliable snacks makes eating easier for my kid - sometimes she may overdo it and not eat much dinner but we are far less likely to run into massive emotional walls around food. I am the same so I understand that at some point in the process even if you need to eat, food sounds godawful. But if I have a handful of carrot sticks, or if she has a spoonful of peanut butter, the ability to make food decisions becomes easier.
posted by geek anachronism at 3:10 PM on June 3, 2020
I really like Ellyn Satter and Kids Eat In Color too. Another book I really liked is Dinner: A Love Story.
My kid is 7 and has always been a picky eater. For the longest time I followed her lead, which meant many many many many dinners consisting of raw fruits and veggies, hummus, and pretzels. Our rotation is better but not much larger. Thanks to Ellyn Satter we do a lot of "bridge food" recipes, and now that she's a bit older I've really started to talk to her about what she likes, what she doesn't, and why. I just recently bought some super great DK books about nutrition (Are You What You Eat, I think) and have tried to give her the information she needs to start helping me plan meals.
TBH, nothing is working super well yet BUT we are having wonderful, calm, and productive discussions about it more than we have in the past so that, at least, has made me happy.
Keep on keeping on--it sounds like you have great goals. I will think good thoughts for you.
posted by cheese at 2:37 PM on June 4, 2020
My kid is 7 and has always been a picky eater. For the longest time I followed her lead, which meant many many many many dinners consisting of raw fruits and veggies, hummus, and pretzels. Our rotation is better but not much larger. Thanks to Ellyn Satter we do a lot of "bridge food" recipes, and now that she's a bit older I've really started to talk to her about what she likes, what she doesn't, and why. I just recently bought some super great DK books about nutrition (Are You What You Eat, I think) and have tried to give her the information she needs to start helping me plan meals.
TBH, nothing is working super well yet BUT we are having wonderful, calm, and productive discussions about it more than we have in the past so that, at least, has made me happy.
Keep on keeping on--it sounds like you have great goals. I will think good thoughts for you.
posted by cheese at 2:37 PM on June 4, 2020
This thread is closed to new comments.
I was introduced to her by our feeding therapists, as I had a child with a feeding disorder due to prematurity who had a feeding tube for three years and had to be taught to eat from scratch as a toddler. My second kid is a picky eater, but Ellyn's methods have given me the strength and fortitude to handle that without going nuts.
Hugs to you.
(edit to add link)
posted by peanut_mcgillicuty at 11:57 AM on June 2, 2020 [10 favorites]