My cat hates it when my partner kisses me?

April 22, 2020 8:54 AM

My cat and I (they) have been staying with my partner of two years, K (they) and their other partner, S (she) during the COVID-19 mess. It’s all going really well in spite of the circumstances; the humans all get on great and adore cats, and the cat loves people. I’m just really perplexed by kitty’s reaction when K and I kiss.

It’s not completely new—the very first time we kissed at my place, two years back, my cat BIT K—but now that we’re always together, it’s very noticeable. He whines or yells at us when he sees us at it, or starts headbutting, trying to insinuate himself, or otherwise distract us. And it’s very specific to kissing - he doesn’t particularly care about human-on-human hugs or cuddles. (He loves being able to sprawl across multiple laps, after all.)

He’s also definitely very fond of K, who goes into what I can only describe as Daddy mode with all cats. (There’s this special accommodating voice and everything.)

I can’t figure it out - anyone have a similar experience?

posted by thepigeonsknow to Pets & Animals (15 answers total)

cats get jealous. My then-fiance's cat once shit on my pillow.
posted by fingersandtoes at 9:08 AM on April 22, 2020 [16 favorites]

Yeah, there's nothing really to figure out here. Your kitty is jealous. They're little people and have emotional attachments and stuff. I wouldn't worry about it too much, just make sure he gets plenty of love from both of you, ideally before he whines so it isn't reinforced.
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:11 AM on April 22, 2020 [1 favorite]

Owner of a 70-lb dog that does the same thing. Be grateful it's a small cat that can't knock anyone over.
posted by JoeZydeco at 9:19 AM on April 22, 2020 [4 favorites]

Your cat is jealous. My dog is like this. I can't speak to your experience, but over here, kissing often leads to something else, which leads to going into the bedroom and closing the door. My dog doesn't like to be left out of anything. When he sees us kissing he doesn't bite but what he does do is whine at us and when that doesn't work, he sneaks very slowly (so you can't hear his claws tapping on the floor) into the bedroom to try to hide under the bed. Once in a while we kiss and make moaning noises just to mess with him so we can watch him try to sneak into the bedroom. This is how we get our kicks now.
posted by the webmistress at 9:22 AM on April 22, 2020 [49 favorites]

A couple months ago our toddler fell and hurt herself in a new and serious way that caused that scream that parents know isn't the normal "rub some dirt on it you'll be fine" type of scream, and ran into my wife's open arms. Our cat, who's not normally protective or jealous and has never bitten nor scratched us, FREAKED OUT and attacked my wife, because it looked like my wife had attacked our kid (cat didn't see the whole thing happen, just came into the room and saw a kid freaking out in my wife's lap). Cats are weird.
posted by spikeleemajortomdickandharryconnickjrmints at 9:24 AM on April 22, 2020 [4 favorites]

Response by poster: I’m sure you’re all right and it’s jealousy (albeit very specifically gesture-oriented- it remains weird to me that he doesn’t respond to other forms of our affection that way), but it was clearly worth posting this just for the other stories!
posted by thepigeonsknow at 9:36 AM on April 22, 2020 [6 favorites]

I have a cat who hates it when I get phone calls. And they are rare! When my ringtone sounds, he complains and gets in my face with head bonks. And most of the time it's like, Kirb, it's just a spam call, let me dismiss it - oof - Dude - There, see, it stopped!

And he goes back to his place with an air of Yeah buddy, I put a stop to that!
posted by tomboko at 9:41 AM on April 22, 2020 [16 favorites]

Yes, jealous. My sister and I had a male cat that we nicknamed "Boyfriend". Every time our male roommate came anywhere near her, Boyfriend would get between them and fiercely stare the guy down.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 11:06 AM on April 22, 2020 [1 favorite]

Do you guys make kissy noises at all? Our cat hates a lot of human-generated noise, particularly the trebley stuff like whistling and squeaking, so if you guys are loud kissers with lots of mouth noise, that may enrage. Our cat also loathes sustained noise from laptop or cellphone speakers, I think for the same reason. If I'm sitting around watching youtube garbage on the laptop with its tinny crackly crappy little speakers, she will come in from the other room and stand on her hind legs with her front feet on my leg and stare into my eyes while meowing earnestly and constantly to try to get me to make it stop. She's fine with TV and will sleep peacefully with it blaring away. I think the squeaky stuff must bother her ears.
posted by Don Pepino at 11:52 AM on April 22, 2020 [4 favorites]

Our cat lodges a protest when she sees me getting a back massage from my husband, as she is obviously supposed to be the priority receiver of petting in this household.
posted by Hypatia at 12:04 PM on April 22, 2020 [4 favorites]

Best answer: Does your cat groom you? If so, it’s a great betrayal that you’re letting someone else clean you with their tongue.
posted by kapers at 2:19 PM on April 22, 2020 [5 favorites]

The tiniest monster (Jess) can sense when my husband and I are cuddling and comes thundering along to wedge herself between us. Gotta leave room for Jes(s)us!
posted by halcyonday at 2:20 PM on April 22, 2020 [4 favorites]

cats notice a lot of nonverbal stuff and maybe assign meaning to it in ways that humans do not. maybe the cat senses a change in your bio-signs like increased heart rate and temperature and breathing changes and whatnot that makes him anxious that you are giving off signs of distress (as interpreted by the cat). maybe the cat senses a great love and figures: great love is for me, therefore it is wrong that I am sensing great love and I am not involved!!

I had a cat once who whenever there was lying down and/or blankets involved, he assumed that this was an invitation for cat cuddles, day or night. No matter how many people were in the bed. This would have been cute except he was a big 20 lb longboi. And of course if you would lock him out of the room much wailing and attempted break-and-enter would ensue - as loud as possible of course.
posted by some loser at 7:54 PM on April 22, 2020 [3 favorites]

Piling on the jealousy train. One of my cats (E) also gets very noticeably jealous of my phone (but to her credit, i do give it a lot more attention she should get instead). But she will physically whack it out of my hand with her paw.

Another of the cats, Z, gets jealous of third cat, K. She will forcibly insert herself in between me and K. She is capable of defying the laws of physics to make sure she is between me and K at all times. She doesn’t give a crap about E tho.

Thank goodness there’s only 3 of them.
posted by cgg at 7:57 PM on April 22, 2020 [3 favorites]

One of my cats yells at me when I'm on the phone, or when I'm yelling at the computer screen. Clearly having conversations with invisible people is a disturbing sign of insanity that needs to be monitored.

I've also gone through several cats who went bananas whenever they saw or heard me in a different flat in my apartment complex (I'm a trustee of the body corporate, so I sometimes visit other people for admin reasons). When I'm at home, everything is fine; when I get into a car and go somewhere, everything is fine because the car is a magic teleporter; but if I'm near home but in the wrong place I must be lost and in mortal peril.
posted by confluency at 4:31 AM on April 23, 2020 [3 favorites]