Help me get over a work presentation disaster.
January 7, 2020 10:32 AM
How can I recover psychologically from a disastrous work presentation?
I had to give a simple 10-minute presentation in front of the entire workplace today. I was anxious as I usually am with these things but felt well-rehearsed.
I started well then got to a certain slide and my mind went blank. I stuttered, fell silent, then hit a full-blown panic attack.
Felt like the lights went up to 11, everyone staring, etc. I had to leave the platform to get water, regroup and come back a few minutes later to finish off as best I could.
Everyone looked very awkward, hardly anyone asked how I was after or tried to make light of it. No eye contact in the following workshops etc.
Not just my staff but fellow managers and the company managing director witnessed it.
I am utterly mortified. It was so out of the blue and my confidence is now totally shot.
Anxiety is currently through the roof and I am close to quitting.
The thought of having to face these people, act like a competent manager, still have their respect etc just seems impossible now.
I have pretty bad social anxiety at the best of times. It's a role I've only been in a year and I have had imposter syndrome for most of it.
This just confirms all my worst fears.
Is there any way back from this?
I had to give a simple 10-minute presentation in front of the entire workplace today. I was anxious as I usually am with these things but felt well-rehearsed.
I started well then got to a certain slide and my mind went blank. I stuttered, fell silent, then hit a full-blown panic attack.
Felt like the lights went up to 11, everyone staring, etc. I had to leave the platform to get water, regroup and come back a few minutes later to finish off as best I could.
Everyone looked very awkward, hardly anyone asked how I was after or tried to make light of it. No eye contact in the following workshops etc.
Not just my staff but fellow managers and the company managing director witnessed it.
I am utterly mortified. It was so out of the blue and my confidence is now totally shot.
Anxiety is currently through the roof and I am close to quitting.
The thought of having to face these people, act like a competent manager, still have their respect etc just seems impossible now.
I have pretty bad social anxiety at the best of times. It's a role I've only been in a year and I have had imposter syndrome for most of it.
This just confirms all my worst fears.
Is there any way back from this?
I'm sorry this happened. I think you should first take some time to be nice to yourself - go get a massage, eat some good food, see a friend and vent to them. Give it a little time and you'll be able to view things with more perspective. Question how you would feel if you witnessed this happen to someone else - would you judge them harshly, or would you be supportive of them? It's very possible that some of your impressions of people's reactions after the presentation are colored by your embarrassment, and they simply didn't know how to react.
Then, give some thought to how you can productively move forward. Can you put yourself in other similar but lower stakes situations? Join toastmasters for a while? Lots of people have fear and anxiety around public speaking, so you're not alone. Good luck! You'll get through it.
posted by knownfossils at 10:44 AM on January 7, 2020
Then, give some thought to how you can productively move forward. Can you put yourself in other similar but lower stakes situations? Join toastmasters for a while? Lots of people have fear and anxiety around public speaking, so you're not alone. Good luck! You'll get through it.
posted by knownfossils at 10:44 AM on January 7, 2020
In high school, I gave a presentation so bad — knees knocking, voice quivering — the teacher used me as an example of what not to do before I sat down. The following year I took a lower grade in a class rather than give another one. But, you know, as soon as I got out of college I was hired as a teacher. (Total fluke!) And since then I have worked professionally as a speechwriter, speech delivery coach and I occasionally create slideshow presentations. Best practice slideshow design can be often be a controversial subject but I make a point of always creating them with just enough text on the slide to function as a prompt in case the speaker freezes. It happens to the best of us, but there are tricks to overcome it, and as @tmdonahue said only apologize once, and then move on.
posted by Violet Blue at 11:04 AM on January 7, 2020
posted by Violet Blue at 11:04 AM on January 7, 2020
Awww, that sounds hard. Don't quit! It's possible that the people didn't try to ask how you were because it didn't seem like as big a deal from the audience perspective. There are a lot of reasons besides nerves why someone might stop a presentation and go get water (stomach troubles, a cough, whatever) and it's possible they were thinking one of those things happened. If you have an ally or friend at work,maybe you could bounce it off of them and get some feedback.
But, basically, this stuff sometimes happens. I do public speaking for part of my job and, honestly, some days are just terrible (bad audience, bad nerves, bad sleep the night before). Most aren't. And what I tell myself is "Hey after ten minutes this is over no matter what happens during my talk" Rarely is so much hinging on one talk that a bad talk would somehow tank my career. I agree with the other commenters: in general the audience wants you to succeed. And if you don't they are more likely to be sympathetic than super judgmental.
Might be worth a very quick "Yeah I was off my game" mention to your boss just so they know you're aware of this issue, but then work on
1. putting some time between the talk and now. Do something good for yourself and/or busy yourself with other things so you're not just ruminating
2. work on making it better for next time, work on your social anxiety and work on your public speaking skills in a supportive environment so you get more good experiences under your belt.
posted by jessamyn at 11:05 AM on January 7, 2020
But, basically, this stuff sometimes happens. I do public speaking for part of my job and, honestly, some days are just terrible (bad audience, bad nerves, bad sleep the night before). Most aren't. And what I tell myself is "Hey after ten minutes this is over no matter what happens during my talk" Rarely is so much hinging on one talk that a bad talk would somehow tank my career. I agree with the other commenters: in general the audience wants you to succeed. And if you don't they are more likely to be sympathetic than super judgmental.
Might be worth a very quick "Yeah I was off my game" mention to your boss just so they know you're aware of this issue, but then work on
1. putting some time between the talk and now. Do something good for yourself and/or busy yourself with other things so you're not just ruminating
2. work on making it better for next time, work on your social anxiety and work on your public speaking skills in a supportive environment so you get more good experiences under your belt.
posted by jessamyn at 11:05 AM on January 7, 2020
1. It probably wasn’t as obvious as it felt to you.
2. Even if it was, people are generally much more understanding than you expect. If they’re awkward, it’s probably because they’re remembering a similar thing that happened to them. It might be weird for a day or two but something else noteworthy will happen and everyone will move on.
posted by Weeping_angel at 11:17 AM on January 7, 2020
2. Even if it was, people are generally much more understanding than you expect. If they’re awkward, it’s probably because they’re remembering a similar thing that happened to them. It might be weird for a day or two but something else noteworthy will happen and everyone will move on.
posted by Weeping_angel at 11:17 AM on January 7, 2020
Don't quit over this! It is okay.
Is your job to give company-wide presentations all day? Like you're a corporate trainer? No, right? Your job is some other valuable skill that you are good at. Being a perfect public speaker isn't the same thing as being a good manager or being good at your job.
If this happened to one of your direct reports, what would you want them to do? Would you expect them to quit over this?
Instead of beating yourself up about that one slide, you should be proud that you recovered and finished.
Lots of people hate public speaking. That's why there's so many jokes about it, tips for overcoming stage fright, etc. Don't blow up your life by quitting over a small mistake.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 11:25 AM on January 7, 2020
Is your job to give company-wide presentations all day? Like you're a corporate trainer? No, right? Your job is some other valuable skill that you are good at. Being a perfect public speaker isn't the same thing as being a good manager or being good at your job.
If this happened to one of your direct reports, what would you want them to do? Would you expect them to quit over this?
Instead of beating yourself up about that one slide, you should be proud that you recovered and finished.
Lots of people hate public speaking. That's why there's so many jokes about it, tips for overcoming stage fright, etc. Don't blow up your life by quitting over a small mistake.
posted by Snarl Furillo at 11:25 AM on January 7, 2020
How can I recover psychologically from a disastrous work presentation?
By reminding yourself, firmly and frequently, that panic attacks are a thing that happens to people just like hiccups or sneezing fits, that in the grand scheme of things one blown presentation is simply not all that consequential, and that paying more attention to the fact and process of your present catastrophizing than to its content is the single biggest contribution you can possibly make toward eventually getting a handle on it.
Take note of the feelings that arise immediately when you find yourself telling yourself stories that include words like "disaster" and "utterly mortified" and "totally shot" and remind yourself that you're completely free to turn the internal volume control down from Eleven and use different words like "inconvenience" and "mildly embarrassed" and "somewhat dented" instead. Try those on for size. See how they work for you.
posted by flabdablet at 11:38 AM on January 7, 2020
By reminding yourself, firmly and frequently, that panic attacks are a thing that happens to people just like hiccups or sneezing fits, that in the grand scheme of things one blown presentation is simply not all that consequential, and that paying more attention to the fact and process of your present catastrophizing than to its content is the single biggest contribution you can possibly make toward eventually getting a handle on it.
Take note of the feelings that arise immediately when you find yourself telling yourself stories that include words like "disaster" and "utterly mortified" and "totally shot" and remind yourself that you're completely free to turn the internal volume control down from Eleven and use different words like "inconvenience" and "mildly embarrassed" and "somewhat dented" instead. Try those on for size. See how they work for you.
posted by flabdablet at 11:38 AM on January 7, 2020
Omg, nearly everyone hates public speaking so I can GUARANTEE that most everyone in the audience had nothing but sympathy for you, if in fact it was even as bad as you think. This is the kind of thing that you will be telling younger peers in years to come as a way to make them feel better about their own public speaking travails. Did you feel like all of the air was suddenly sucked out of your lungs and you forgot how to inhale? I’m a lawyer with lots of public speaking experience and that happened to me when addressing a room full of lawyers. Why? Who knows!
Everyone has a story like this, including now you. Welcome to the human race!
posted by HotToddy at 11:42 AM on January 7, 2020
Everyone has a story like this, including now you. Welcome to the human race!
posted by HotToddy at 11:42 AM on January 7, 2020
Yes, when I get close to panicking I just repeat to myself: PEOPLE ARE NOT THINKING ABOUT YOU. YOU ARE NOT THAT SPECIAL. THEY ARE THINKING ABOUT THEIR OWN BELLY BUTTON. And that helps.
posted by Melismata at 11:46 AM on January 7, 2020
posted by Melismata at 11:46 AM on January 7, 2020
I had to leave the platform to get water, regroup and come back a few minutes later to finish off as best I could.
See, that's not a "presentation disaster". It just isn't. It's a bit of moderate awkwardness that most of your colleagues will no longer even remember in a week.
A "presentation disaster" would have ended with you collapsing to the floor screaming and screaming and screaming with shit running down your leg, knocking over the projector as you went down and setting the building on fire. That, they'd remember.
posted by flabdablet at 11:47 AM on January 7, 2020
See, that's not a "presentation disaster". It just isn't. It's a bit of moderate awkwardness that most of your colleagues will no longer even remember in a week.
A "presentation disaster" would have ended with you collapsing to the floor screaming and screaming and screaming with shit running down your leg, knocking over the projector as you went down and setting the building on fire. That, they'd remember.
posted by flabdablet at 11:47 AM on January 7, 2020
Your anxiety voice is telling you that this was WAY WORSE than it was. I'm sorry it happened, but it's OK and you certainly don't need to quit or be nervous about seeing your colleagues. Most people have probably forgotten and if anyone asks (don't bring it up!), you can just say that you weren't feeling well and not feeling well plus a presentation is a tough line to walk, but "thanks for asking and I'm feeling much better now."
Are you in therapy? It would be great to process this and recover in that setting. If you're not, it would be a great gift to give yourself so that you don't have to suffer nearly this much as you go forward.
posted by quince at 12:17 PM on January 7, 2020
Are you in therapy? It would be great to process this and recover in that setting. If you're not, it would be a great gift to give yourself so that you don't have to suffer nearly this much as you go forward.
posted by quince at 12:17 PM on January 7, 2020
When I do stuff like this, what usually gets me over the self-loathing hump is to talk about it like it's a funny story, with a trusted friend. "OMG, you would NOT believe how badly my presentation went today LOL!" I mean, there's usually some 'recovery' time before I can get to the joking point, but it actually tends to be quicker than I think.
posted by AzraelBrown at 12:22 PM on January 7, 2020
posted by AzraelBrown at 12:22 PM on January 7, 2020
There are a lot of people who struggle with this, who have awful public speaking or other communication events. If you managed someone like this, would it mean that you disregarded all their other knowledge, experience, intelligence? I hope not.
Now, though, you personally are equipped to connect with those people, to see them more clearly than, maybe, Todd with no fear who works in the office down the hall. (Sorry if your name is Todd -- that's just the first upper-middle-class name that occurred to me.)
posted by amtho at 12:24 PM on January 7, 2020
Now, though, you personally are equipped to connect with those people, to see them more clearly than, maybe, Todd with no fear who works in the office down the hall. (Sorry if your name is Todd -- that's just the first upper-middle-class name that occurred to me.)
posted by amtho at 12:24 PM on January 7, 2020
OMG *this exact thing* happened to me at work about 15 years ago. Only honestly in my case I think it was worse.
I was making a short, simple presentation to a group of about 20 executives at my company, including my boss, his boss and his boss. Literally every single person who had influence over my career was in the room, and I was the most junior person present. But not junior like an intern, in a way that made people feel indulgent towards me. I was just the youngest and newest exec.
And I froze.
I literally could not speak; like, I opened my mouth and a kind of strangled sound came out, but no words. And then when I could speak, I was squeaky and gaspy and cracking. I kept going and I got through it, but it was 100% a train wreck, and must have been excruciating to watch. I wish I was exaggerating but I'm not. At one point I made sustained eye contact with someone across the room who was kind of a friend of mine, and his expression was just an absolute rictus of horror.
I didn't know what to expect afterwards. I figured I had seriously fucked up my career, and I assumed my boss would talk with me about it. I thought I might get some kind of formal ding, like a notation in my performance evaluation, or maybe I would lose an assignment or privilege of some kind. I didn't know what to do, so I just waited.
And literally nothing happened. Nobody ever said anything about it, ever. And four months later I got a massive promotion and a huge raise.
I think it's definitely true what's been said above, that most people aren't paying attention and don't notice if you're awkward or uncomfortable. But that wasn't what happened to me. Trust me, everybody noticed. What happened to me I put in the category of 'most people aren't jerks.' I think people felt wildly uncomfortable for me, empathized hugely with me because of it, and promptly forgot it afterwards because nobody wants to remember a painful thing.
You are going to be fine. Trust me.
posted by Susan PG at 12:41 PM on January 7, 2020
I was making a short, simple presentation to a group of about 20 executives at my company, including my boss, his boss and his boss. Literally every single person who had influence over my career was in the room, and I was the most junior person present. But not junior like an intern, in a way that made people feel indulgent towards me. I was just the youngest and newest exec.
And I froze.
I literally could not speak; like, I opened my mouth and a kind of strangled sound came out, but no words. And then when I could speak, I was squeaky and gaspy and cracking. I kept going and I got through it, but it was 100% a train wreck, and must have been excruciating to watch. I wish I was exaggerating but I'm not. At one point I made sustained eye contact with someone across the room who was kind of a friend of mine, and his expression was just an absolute rictus of horror.
I didn't know what to expect afterwards. I figured I had seriously fucked up my career, and I assumed my boss would talk with me about it. I thought I might get some kind of formal ding, like a notation in my performance evaluation, or maybe I would lose an assignment or privilege of some kind. I didn't know what to do, so I just waited.
And literally nothing happened. Nobody ever said anything about it, ever. And four months later I got a massive promotion and a huge raise.
I think it's definitely true what's been said above, that most people aren't paying attention and don't notice if you're awkward or uncomfortable. But that wasn't what happened to me. Trust me, everybody noticed. What happened to me I put in the category of 'most people aren't jerks.' I think people felt wildly uncomfortable for me, empathized hugely with me because of it, and promptly forgot it afterwards because nobody wants to remember a painful thing.
You are going to be fine. Trust me.
posted by Susan PG at 12:41 PM on January 7, 2020
I promise that you care about this about a thousand times more than anyone else does. Anyone else who even thinks about it is thinking "what if that happens to meeee???"; they do not - in the best possible sense - give a shit about you.
Probably nobody is going to say anything to you out of fear of being rude or bringing up something traumatic. Nearly everyone is afraid of this happening to them; everyone is just glad it wasn't them this time. There are literally hundreds of books about the fear of this happening.
In the annals of Shit Going Wrong During Presentations, this is rookie stuff. You didn't leave porn open in one of your tabs, receive a chat message from your mistress, open up Windows Explorer to see that a coworker renamed one of your mapped drives with a homophobic slur (THIS HAPPENED TO ME but it was a small presentation at least), lock your knees and pass out mid-presentation (saw this happen), have a coughing fit so bad you ran offstage and told someone - while your hot mike was still on - that you peed your pants (co-worker saw this happen at a conference), fall off the stage, or accidentally refer to your boss as a "fucker" instead of a "factor" (saw this; massive presentation, speaker just went completely tharn for some long seconds instead of coughing and continuing to talk). THAT stuff is memorable. You are merely a poor bastard who lost the public speaking lottery and will be forgotten in days.
Do not quit over this. Do not prematurely declare your career dead. Do not make a big scene about it to other people and it will slide out of their minds, probably within 24 hours thanks to today's fast-moving news cycles.
Nobody really even wants to be in these meetings. Unless it was a customer-facing/sales type meeting and you insulted a customer directly, nobody cares. This will be, in all likelihood, a tiny bit funny to you one day.
You are having a terrible day and should go for a little walk and pick up a big bottle of water and a small treat of some kind, you're all pumped full of adrenaline and dread and it'll take a bit for it to wash out of your system.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:57 PM on January 7, 2020
Probably nobody is going to say anything to you out of fear of being rude or bringing up something traumatic. Nearly everyone is afraid of this happening to them; everyone is just glad it wasn't them this time. There are literally hundreds of books about the fear of this happening.
In the annals of Shit Going Wrong During Presentations, this is rookie stuff. You didn't leave porn open in one of your tabs, receive a chat message from your mistress, open up Windows Explorer to see that a coworker renamed one of your mapped drives with a homophobic slur (THIS HAPPENED TO ME but it was a small presentation at least), lock your knees and pass out mid-presentation (saw this happen), have a coughing fit so bad you ran offstage and told someone - while your hot mike was still on - that you peed your pants (co-worker saw this happen at a conference), fall off the stage, or accidentally refer to your boss as a "fucker" instead of a "factor" (saw this; massive presentation, speaker just went completely tharn for some long seconds instead of coughing and continuing to talk). THAT stuff is memorable. You are merely a poor bastard who lost the public speaking lottery and will be forgotten in days.
Do not quit over this. Do not prematurely declare your career dead. Do not make a big scene about it to other people and it will slide out of their minds, probably within 24 hours thanks to today's fast-moving news cycles.
Nobody really even wants to be in these meetings. Unless it was a customer-facing/sales type meeting and you insulted a customer directly, nobody cares. This will be, in all likelihood, a tiny bit funny to you one day.
You are having a terrible day and should go for a little walk and pick up a big bottle of water and a small treat of some kind, you're all pumped full of adrenaline and dread and it'll take a bit for it to wash out of your system.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:57 PM on January 7, 2020
I’m sorry. This feels bad, but remember it happens to many people. Folks forget. I’ve watched probably hundreds of presentations and I can’t recall anyone’s brain freezes, although obviously many have happened. That’s just statistics. I only recall two presentation gaffes in my 20+ years of watching them. In one instance, the speaker legitimately fainted during her presentation due to heat (broken A/C plus being in hot lights onstage.) In the second instance, the speaker hooked her own laptop to the projector, then gestured excitedly on maybe Slide 3, flinging her laptop to the floor below where it smashed. I promise that your brief brain freeze is forgettable!
posted by Knowyournuts at 1:09 PM on January 7, 2020
posted by Knowyournuts at 1:09 PM on January 7, 2020
It's a role I've only been in a year and I have had imposter syndrome for most of it.
If you believe that the Real Deal never flubs a presentation I have some very good news for you.
I gave a number of stinkers (The Q&A should never kick off with "Are these your slides?") but I kept getting invited to speak. People are there to get information, not rate your performance skills. As long as you're bringing the good stuff they'll tolerate a lot.
After many years I still had a few of the same bizarre quirks I had starting out. For example, I could not look to the left when giving a public presentation. Wouldn't happen. I taught myself to rotate my entire body if I want to see that side of the audience. No one minded.
But I kept working and one day I made it. I gave a presentation was both smart and funny, it engaged almost everyone in the room, there was no hint of tremor in my voice and my head swiveled easily. Best damn retirement speech you ever heard.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:10 PM on January 7, 2020
If you believe that the Real Deal never flubs a presentation I have some very good news for you.
I gave a number of stinkers (The Q&A should never kick off with "Are these your slides?") but I kept getting invited to speak. People are there to get information, not rate your performance skills. As long as you're bringing the good stuff they'll tolerate a lot.
After many years I still had a few of the same bizarre quirks I had starting out. For example, I could not look to the left when giving a public presentation. Wouldn't happen. I taught myself to rotate my entire body if I want to see that side of the audience. No one minded.
But I kept working and one day I made it. I gave a presentation was both smart and funny, it engaged almost everyone in the room, there was no hint of tremor in my voice and my head swiveled easily. Best damn retirement speech you ever heard.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 1:10 PM on January 7, 2020
I know I've seen people do this lots of times. I have literally no memory of who did it or of any of the circumstances in which they did it. It's fine. It's not memorable.
It might mean that someone chooses someone else to talk about something instead of you in the future, but that's probably the extent of it.
posted by ambrosen at 1:53 PM on January 7, 2020
It might mean that someone chooses someone else to talk about something instead of you in the future, but that's probably the extent of it.
posted by ambrosen at 1:53 PM on January 7, 2020
This absolute same thing happened to me presenting to a crowd after I rehearsed my presentation for hours that week. A few things I learned and also advice given:
- Do more presentations more often, practice with smaller crowds helps
- Find someone kind in the audience to look at when you're feeling nervous
- Breath... I have to remind myself of that a lot
- No one will remember a damn thing that went wrong - likely why no one came up to you afterwards or mentioned anything. They probably didn't realize something was wrong.
I keep reminding myself my presentations are for the benefit of other people. Say if you go blank at a slide, add it as an opportunity to ask if anyone has questions or thoughts, make it interactive so you can pick back up on it.
We've all been there and if we haven't, we should! Public speaking is hard and needs practice and good for you for doing it. We'll all get better.
posted by hillabeans at 2:33 PM on January 7, 2020
- Do more presentations more often, practice with smaller crowds helps
- Find someone kind in the audience to look at when you're feeling nervous
- Breath... I have to remind myself of that a lot
- No one will remember a damn thing that went wrong - likely why no one came up to you afterwards or mentioned anything. They probably didn't realize something was wrong.
I keep reminding myself my presentations are for the benefit of other people. Say if you go blank at a slide, add it as an opportunity to ask if anyone has questions or thoughts, make it interactive so you can pick back up on it.
We've all been there and if we haven't, we should! Public speaking is hard and needs practice and good for you for doing it. We'll all get better.
posted by hillabeans at 2:33 PM on January 7, 2020
Adding my voice to the "happens to the best of us" chorus. I've been a speaker for nearly two decades, often a keynoter. I was nodding and smiling along with Lyn Never's comment above. Here are a few things I can add:
* Laptop video dongle? Oh, crap, left it in my hotel room. (This was my first keynote. I was mortified. I suspect I'm now the only person who even remembers it. The conference organizers found me a dongle to use!)
* Unplugged-in laptop ran out of juice in the middle of the talk. (This was a job talk. I got the job, I think partly because I kept my cool. OP, it matters SO MUCH that you came back to finish the talk! That's presence under fire, and it impresses people because it is impressive and not entirely common.)
* Waxing eloquent about a new tech standard when its INVENTOR, unbeknownst to me, was RIGHT THE HECK THERE IN FRONT OF ME. (He was very gracious about the whole thing.)
If you can -- and it may well be too soon for this -- try for a perspective shift that makes this just a funny story. Not only will that help tamp down your feelings, it helps you graciously offer other people a way to talk to you about it while keeping their cool.
posted by humbug at 3:16 PM on January 7, 2020
* Laptop video dongle? Oh, crap, left it in my hotel room. (This was my first keynote. I was mortified. I suspect I'm now the only person who even remembers it. The conference organizers found me a dongle to use!)
* Unplugged-in laptop ran out of juice in the middle of the talk. (This was a job talk. I got the job, I think partly because I kept my cool. OP, it matters SO MUCH that you came back to finish the talk! That's presence under fire, and it impresses people because it is impressive and not entirely common.)
* Waxing eloquent about a new tech standard when its INVENTOR, unbeknownst to me, was RIGHT THE HECK THERE IN FRONT OF ME. (He was very gracious about the whole thing.)
If you can -- and it may well be too soon for this -- try for a perspective shift that makes this just a funny story. Not only will that help tamp down your feelings, it helps you graciously offer other people a way to talk to you about it while keeping their cool.
posted by humbug at 3:16 PM on January 7, 2020
I have been the audience in a presentation like this. I simply felt warmth and compassion for the presenter. I did not judge them or regard them as a disaster. If I didn't acknowledge it to them, it was for two reasons: it wasn't that big of a deal to me, and I didn't want them to feel worse.
posted by bluedaisy at 4:36 PM on January 7, 2020
posted by bluedaisy at 4:36 PM on January 7, 2020
I think you should spend some time making sure that whatever your topic was is something that you are still talking about and promoting.
Just be on the lookout for opportunities to be positive and informed and helpful about how many ticks possums eat or whatever your topic was.
That was one presentation - whatever you had to stay is still germane. (Unless is was quarterly reports, but there's another quarter coming up so, still your reporting strengths are relevant and useful.)
posted by Lesser Shrew at 6:57 PM on January 7, 2020
Just be on the lookout for opportunities to be positive and informed and helpful about how many ticks possums eat or whatever your topic was.
That was one presentation - whatever you had to stay is still germane. (Unless is was quarterly reports, but there's another quarter coming up so, still your reporting strengths are relevant and useful.)
posted by Lesser Shrew at 6:57 PM on January 7, 2020
Hey, you were not feeling well and got distracted while trying to make a presentation. That's all, it happens!
Experiencing anxiety or a panic attack is no different than experiencing severe stomach cramps or a migraine mid-presentation. You are not a superhero who has to be perfect.
I'm an awesome presenter, I don't get panic attacks, but I do get weird muscle spasms that are fairly painful and distracting and if that happened mid-presentation you bet your ass I'd blank out and botch things and have to excuse myself. Pain is pain, and pain distracts. Feeling unwell and debilitated because of anxiety is still feeling unwell and debilitated just like anything else. It does not mean you are a deficient presenter or employee and does not mean you will never be good at public speaking.
posted by windbox at 7:26 PM on January 7, 2020
Experiencing anxiety or a panic attack is no different than experiencing severe stomach cramps or a migraine mid-presentation. You are not a superhero who has to be perfect.
I'm an awesome presenter, I don't get panic attacks, but I do get weird muscle spasms that are fairly painful and distracting and if that happened mid-presentation you bet your ass I'd blank out and botch things and have to excuse myself. Pain is pain, and pain distracts. Feeling unwell and debilitated because of anxiety is still feeling unwell and debilitated just like anything else. It does not mean you are a deficient presenter or employee and does not mean you will never be good at public speaking.
posted by windbox at 7:26 PM on January 7, 2020
If I were in the audience I would assume something vaguely medical happened - maybe something got caught in your throat or you felt dizzy or something. I would not bring it up later because it's rude to ask your colleagues about something that could be a personal medical issue unless they bring it up first.
It's also possible that people were sympathizing with you in non-verbal ways and you didn't pick up on it because you were still feeling anxious.
posted by ProtoStar at 7:58 PM on January 8, 2020
It's also possible that people were sympathizing with you in non-verbal ways and you didn't pick up on it because you were still feeling anxious.
posted by ProtoStar at 7:58 PM on January 8, 2020
If you were your very best friend in the world, your own nearest and dearest, and this happened to that person, what advice would you give?
Now take that heart full of compassion and treat your own self the same way, as if you were your own nearest and dearest.
posted by hilaryjade at 8:18 PM on January 8, 2020
Now take that heart full of compassion and treat your own self the same way, as if you were your own nearest and dearest.
posted by hilaryjade at 8:18 PM on January 8, 2020
Mostly, the only real presentation disasters I remember are things like people leaving their mic on when they go to the toilet, or not muting their phone when they say uncomplimentary things on a conference call.
And then there's this one.
I was once doing interviews to select for a competitive fellowship. I will never forget one particular candidate, because she looked TERRIFIED of me. (I promise, I am not at all scary.) Her hands were visibly, violently trembling in a way I honestly thought novels were exaggerating for poetic effect, and her voice was shaky.
But by golly, she was a TROOPER. She answered every question I had for her with well prepared answers even though she HAD to be feeling bad - the sheer scope of her obviously uncontrollable physical reaction made me think that she had to FEEL really awful on the inside.
When I asked her the question about overcoming challenges, she told me that she'd made it to the interview stage of this fellowship last year, and not been chosen. She gets really, really anxious in interviews, she explained. So she went to her college career center and went to their interview-prep people and she worked on it, for a whole year. And here she sat, literally shaking so hard I was genuinely kind of worried she was going to pass out, trying again. I wished that I could comfort or reassure her, but it was important to our process that everyone get the same interview questions, and I also knew that when I feel like I'm barely holding it together, someone being nice to me can actually make it worse, so I acted like I didn't notice, just tried to make sure that I had a warm tone and smiled at her so at least I wouldn't make it worse.
Readers, did I hold it against her? Did I decide that she wouldn't be able to handle the job? Not at all. I wrote one of the most glowing recommendations of my career for her, praising her dedication to professional and personal growth and to our program in particular. I said that in my opinion she was exactly the sort of dedicated, brave person we wanted to encourage to enter our field. I don't remember her name anymore - this was many years ago - but I can still remember her, sitting across from me in the lobby of a Courtyard Marriott, visibly wracked with fear and finishing the interview anyway.
I did probably 8-10 interviews over two days, and besides a vague impression that a couple of them were really good, a couple pretty bad, and most somewhere around "fine", I don't remember any of the others.
What I'm saying is this - most people aren't thinking about what to them feels like a minorly awkward hiccup in a presentation, other than to wish you well/feel sympathetic/hope you're okay. The fact that you came back and finished is likely to be remembered as a strong vote in your favor; that you're someone who sticks it out, who comes through difficulties, who is resilient, etc. A good comeback story is usually more loved than a story of someone who sails through without any trouble.
You've gotten a lot of good advice here. Practice extending yourself the same compassion you would give to someone else. I know it's hard, but it's so worth doing.
And remember that other people are really pretty self centered and just don't think about you nearly as much as you think they do!
posted by oblique red at 2:26 PM on January 9, 2020
And then there's this one.
I was once doing interviews to select for a competitive fellowship. I will never forget one particular candidate, because she looked TERRIFIED of me. (I promise, I am not at all scary.) Her hands were visibly, violently trembling in a way I honestly thought novels were exaggerating for poetic effect, and her voice was shaky.
But by golly, she was a TROOPER. She answered every question I had for her with well prepared answers even though she HAD to be feeling bad - the sheer scope of her obviously uncontrollable physical reaction made me think that she had to FEEL really awful on the inside.
When I asked her the question about overcoming challenges, she told me that she'd made it to the interview stage of this fellowship last year, and not been chosen. She gets really, really anxious in interviews, she explained. So she went to her college career center and went to their interview-prep people and she worked on it, for a whole year. And here she sat, literally shaking so hard I was genuinely kind of worried she was going to pass out, trying again. I wished that I could comfort or reassure her, but it was important to our process that everyone get the same interview questions, and I also knew that when I feel like I'm barely holding it together, someone being nice to me can actually make it worse, so I acted like I didn't notice, just tried to make sure that I had a warm tone and smiled at her so at least I wouldn't make it worse.
Readers, did I hold it against her? Did I decide that she wouldn't be able to handle the job? Not at all. I wrote one of the most glowing recommendations of my career for her, praising her dedication to professional and personal growth and to our program in particular. I said that in my opinion she was exactly the sort of dedicated, brave person we wanted to encourage to enter our field. I don't remember her name anymore - this was many years ago - but I can still remember her, sitting across from me in the lobby of a Courtyard Marriott, visibly wracked with fear and finishing the interview anyway.
I did probably 8-10 interviews over two days, and besides a vague impression that a couple of them were really good, a couple pretty bad, and most somewhere around "fine", I don't remember any of the others.
What I'm saying is this - most people aren't thinking about what to them feels like a minorly awkward hiccup in a presentation, other than to wish you well/feel sympathetic/hope you're okay. The fact that you came back and finished is likely to be remembered as a strong vote in your favor; that you're someone who sticks it out, who comes through difficulties, who is resilient, etc. A good comeback story is usually more loved than a story of someone who sails through without any trouble.
You've gotten a lot of good advice here. Practice extending yourself the same compassion you would give to someone else. I know it's hard, but it's so worth doing.
And remember that other people are really pretty self centered and just don't think about you nearly as much as you think they do!
posted by oblique red at 2:26 PM on January 9, 2020
Thank you all so much for taking the time to answer my post so considerately and eloquently. I barely slept after the event and kept turning to my phone to read the latest reply. You guys literally got me through the night.
After vomiting with nerves the next morning, I went back to work and straight into a meeting with my boss and other managers like nothing happened. I think I made a quip when discussing a topic I'd tried to explain in the previous day's presentation about being a bit clearer on it today and that was about it.
After that, I just rode out the day trying to be upbeat and normal although my inner cringe and feelings of paranoia were pretty much off the charts. Rinse and repeat until Friday and here I am.
It's clear I need to work on my social anxiety much more, and also presentation preparations for future events. I have an appointment with a therapist on Monday and have an online course and audiobook on this sort of stuff to help wrap my head around what happened until then.
I still keep getting sudden, horrible flashbacks but they're getting less with each day.
Thanks again, you're all good people.
posted by Caskeum at 8:07 AM on January 11, 2020
After vomiting with nerves the next morning, I went back to work and straight into a meeting with my boss and other managers like nothing happened. I think I made a quip when discussing a topic I'd tried to explain in the previous day's presentation about being a bit clearer on it today and that was about it.
After that, I just rode out the day trying to be upbeat and normal although my inner cringe and feelings of paranoia were pretty much off the charts. Rinse and repeat until Friday and here I am.
It's clear I need to work on my social anxiety much more, and also presentation preparations for future events. I have an appointment with a therapist on Monday and have an online course and audiobook on this sort of stuff to help wrap my head around what happened until then.
I still keep getting sudden, horrible flashbacks but they're getting less with each day.
Thanks again, you're all good people.
posted by Caskeum at 8:07 AM on January 11, 2020
sudden, horrible flashbacks
Now is the part where you turn this into a learning experience that helps you deal with anxiety going forward. The feelings associated with this whole thing will have been pretty much indelibly stamped into your brain and it will drag them out for another look every now and then, so this is your opportunity to do some deliberate focused work on connecting each such flashback solidly and reliably to a story that ends with "...and then nothing terrible happened and it all worked out just fine".
If you spend a few hours over the next few weeks deliberately doing that, then next time you find yourself in circumstances that have you feeling something similar, you will be able to pull that ending out and calm yourself down that much more quickly. Keep doing that and eventually you will reach a point of being able to settle yourself almost instantly.
posted by flabdablet at 9:16 PM on January 11, 2020
Now is the part where you turn this into a learning experience that helps you deal with anxiety going forward. The feelings associated with this whole thing will have been pretty much indelibly stamped into your brain and it will drag them out for another look every now and then, so this is your opportunity to do some deliberate focused work on connecting each such flashback solidly and reliably to a story that ends with "...and then nothing terrible happened and it all worked out just fine".
If you spend a few hours over the next few weeks deliberately doing that, then next time you find yourself in circumstances that have you feeling something similar, you will be able to pull that ending out and calm yourself down that much more quickly. Keep doing that and eventually you will reach a point of being able to settle yourself almost instantly.
posted by flabdablet at 9:16 PM on January 11, 2020
This thread is closed to new comments.
Don't bring the gaffe up. If someone else brings it up say you had something in your throat and had to leave to get some water. Apologize for the interruption once only. Change the topic to the subject of your presentation. "Did people understand? Did folks agree? What more would they like to know?" and so on.
If public speaking is a part of your job, you might further seek out some training in the future. Some of it is very good indeed.
I had a life-changing experience many, many years ago. I was an undergraduate in a television course, directing an interview/demonstration and calling the shots. As it happened in real time, I focused on the shots I might have got but missed. Then a week later, our class saw the tape and I agreed with my teachers: very good show. I didn't remember what I didn't get and saw that what I got was good.
posted by tmdonahue at 10:42 AM on January 7, 2020