Wee 22-Year-Old Facing an Uncertain Decade
December 30, 2019 10:11 AM Subscribe
With the rise of the new Roaring 20s right around the corner, what advice do you have for a 22-year-old facing an uncertain decade?
This past November, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. The big highlight was finally being able to relate to the song “22” by Taylor Swift.
With a new decade swiftly approaching (see what I did there?), I’m seeing advice and predictions from the wise sages of the MetaFilterverse. This question has two parts – for the first, give me your best stories, anecdotes, and pieces of advice. Feel free to consider these prompts for inspiration:
What did you enjoy about your 20s?
What didn’t you enjoy?
What would you tell your younger self?
What goals did you have or meet?
What should I do to make the most of my time as a 20-something?
For the second part, give me your best general predictions for the new decade:
What should we (the world) be prepared for?
What should we look forward to?
What should we be worried about?
What should I (as a wee 22-year-old) being doing to prepare for the future?
Don’t try to scare me too much, okay Boomer? :) The world seems like it’s falling apart, and I feel like my generation has gotten a very difficult hand of cards. So, in addition to giving me your best advice and warnings, please give me some hope. Give me reasons to be excited about my 20s and the rise of a new, unwritten decade.
This past November, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. The big highlight was finally being able to relate to the song “22” by Taylor Swift.
With a new decade swiftly approaching (see what I did there?), I’m seeing advice and predictions from the wise sages of the MetaFilterverse. This question has two parts – for the first, give me your best stories, anecdotes, and pieces of advice. Feel free to consider these prompts for inspiration:
What did you enjoy about your 20s?
What didn’t you enjoy?
What would you tell your younger self?
What goals did you have or meet?
What should I do to make the most of my time as a 20-something?
For the second part, give me your best general predictions for the new decade:
What should we (the world) be prepared for?
What should we look forward to?
What should we be worried about?
What should I (as a wee 22-year-old) being doing to prepare for the future?
Don’t try to scare me too much, okay Boomer? :) The world seems like it’s falling apart, and I feel like my generation has gotten a very difficult hand of cards. So, in addition to giving me your best advice and warnings, please give me some hope. Give me reasons to be excited about my 20s and the rise of a new, unwritten decade.
If there is a particular credential you want / a qualification you need / a path you want to explore / a career you're interested in - it will never be as easy to do something different than it is right now.
posted by peacheater at 10:29 AM on December 30, 2019 [20 favorites]
posted by peacheater at 10:29 AM on December 30, 2019 [20 favorites]
You will often be miserable in your 20s, because you're going to be making a lot of mistakes. Pay attention to what makes you feel good and what doesn't--and listen to your gut. It knows.
Believe what people show you, not what they tell you.
It's hard to believe, but you will never have as much energy as you do right now. Don't skip out on plans just because you're tired--the 30s and 40s in your group will quietly roll their eyes at each other. :) But also get enough sleep! It's a balancing act.
posted by Automocar at 10:36 AM on December 30, 2019 [16 favorites]
Believe what people show you, not what they tell you.
It's hard to believe, but you will never have as much energy as you do right now. Don't skip out on plans just because you're tired--the 30s and 40s in your group will quietly roll their eyes at each other. :) But also get enough sleep! It's a balancing act.
posted by Automocar at 10:36 AM on December 30, 2019 [16 favorites]
Don't let yourself get dragged down by your mistakes or other bad things that will happen (and there will be so SO many), time always marches forward and things have a way of figuring themselves out.
Don't be afraid to end a relationship if/when you're not feeling it anymore. Learn to listen to and trust yourself.
posted by Sparky Buttons at 10:43 AM on December 30, 2019 [8 favorites]
Don't be afraid to end a relationship if/when you're not feeling it anymore. Learn to listen to and trust yourself.
posted by Sparky Buttons at 10:43 AM on December 30, 2019 [8 favorites]
Don't throw good time after bad - the time invested in a particular career path or endeavor or person is already spent - the question is whether you still want to spend time in that fashion. Don't be afraid to quit something that's not working out even if you've put in a lot of time/energy - in the end, you're only accountable to yourself. This is not to suggest quitting the moment things become difficult - but if you find yourself depressed / unable to function / just going through the motions, this could be your body trying to tell you something.
posted by peacheater at 10:45 AM on December 30, 2019 [12 favorites]
posted by peacheater at 10:45 AM on December 30, 2019 [12 favorites]
Start saving/investing your money (even just a little, for practice) and get your financial house and education in order. My professional association forced me to open a retirement savings plan at 22 and I'm so glad, because I don't come from money and was never taught anything about it. Ten years later, I'm a freelance artist, I follow my interests and passions, and knowing I have a modest but solid nest egg cheerfully compounding away frees me to do all that.
posted by stray at 10:52 AM on December 30, 2019 [15 favorites]
posted by stray at 10:52 AM on December 30, 2019 [15 favorites]
Now is a great time to make friends (and put time into keeping them). The post-college/grad school crowd in your area will be missing school life but not yet ready to settle down, plus you have the energy (and some money from having a job) to go out and have fun. Join an intramural sports team, a pub quiz group, karaoke night, $2 beers night at the bar, happy hour at the art museum, dog shelter volunteer group, etc. And tend these friendships: you will want them to be solid in your thirties, when people get busy with marriage and kids and you don’t stay out late on Thursday nights anymore. Don’t be cautious to be open to new people, you will be shocked how many things in life (job, spouse) can come through that friend-of-a-friend you met at 1 AM at a housewarming party.
posted by sallybrown at 10:58 AM on December 30, 2019 [13 favorites]
posted by sallybrown at 10:58 AM on December 30, 2019 [13 favorites]
This one particularly applies at work, but is helpful in every other aspect of life, too. Don't be afraid to ask stupid questions. Go ahead and ask the question that will reveal that you're stupid, that you weren't paying attention or have already forgotten, that you don't know a basic thing other people expect you to know. No one expects you to know everything or be super competent at 20-something and pretending you do isn't going to fool anyone. No one expects you to grasp everything instantly. Most of the time if you don't understand it's because someone did a poor job explaining. People leave out key details or forget you don't have all the background knowledge they have. They want you to ask questions when that happens. Ask questions, ask for help, try going after interesting opportunities even if you don't quite know how and will have to reveal your ignorance to a lot of people along the way. If you do that, there will be a lot of times when you feel stupid and some times when other people think you're stupid (though not as many as you fear), but you'll end up learning more and getting more out of life than people who are scared to risk looking foolish. It's the best path toward actually becoming less foolish.
posted by Redstart at 11:05 AM on December 30, 2019 [14 favorites]
posted by Redstart at 11:05 AM on December 30, 2019 [14 favorites]
Redstart has great advice above, the only thing I would add to that is if someone is kind enough to answer your question, **take notes** so you don't have to ask a 3rd or 4th time. That is when you will start to look like a fool.
posted by Grither at 11:15 AM on December 30, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by Grither at 11:15 AM on December 30, 2019 [6 favorites]
What would you tell your younger self?
Go to the dentist like it's church. Quit smoking. You're an alcoholic - quit drinking NOW. Save money out of EVERY paycheck you get, even if it seems like so little that it's meaningless.
posted by thelonius at 11:49 AM on December 30, 2019 [12 favorites]
Go to the dentist like it's church. Quit smoking. You're an alcoholic - quit drinking NOW. Save money out of EVERY paycheck you get, even if it seems like so little that it's meaningless.
posted by thelonius at 11:49 AM on December 30, 2019 [12 favorites]
A great quote which stands as good advice for anyone, at any time, getting ready to do anything (including navigating the 20s):
"Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be."
Stand up for yourself, and make sure you're counted. Your twenties are the perfect time to get in practice for the years ahead.
posted by ivanthenotsoterrible at 11:50 AM on December 30, 2019 [5 favorites]
"Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be."
Stand up for yourself, and make sure you're counted. Your twenties are the perfect time to get in practice for the years ahead.
posted by ivanthenotsoterrible at 11:50 AM on December 30, 2019 [5 favorites]
Learn meditation now! It will make everything else easier.
posted by aniola at 12:03 PM on December 30, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by aniola at 12:03 PM on December 30, 2019 [3 favorites]
Also start trying to quit refined sugar (any sugar with the fiber processed out, like maple syrup, honey, agave syrup, brown sugar, white sugar, etc) now. It took me 18 years to finally quit.
posted by aniola at 12:04 PM on December 30, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by aniola at 12:04 PM on December 30, 2019 [3 favorites]
Today is as good as it gets. 90% of happiness is intrinsic.
posted by aniola at 12:11 PM on December 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by aniola at 12:11 PM on December 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
The world is always ending. When I was younger Nuclear Armageddon was going to wipe out the human race imminently and I remember waking up on my 30th birthday and thinking “Jeez, I have no real plans, I never expected to make it this far!”
My advice for you is to not expect much change in people’s daily lives over the next thirty or forty years. People will live and die and fall in love and have children. Movies and television will continue to be churned out. Technology will give us new toys. The rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer.
There are probably some tactical moves you could make (consider how A.I. is going to move the lowest rung of employment, or maybe study Civil Engineering to get in on building dikes) but overall I wouldn’t sweat it too much.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:11 PM on December 30, 2019 [7 favorites]
My advice for you is to not expect much change in people’s daily lives over the next thirty or forty years. People will live and die and fall in love and have children. Movies and television will continue to be churned out. Technology will give us new toys. The rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer.
There are probably some tactical moves you could make (consider how A.I. is going to move the lowest rung of employment, or maybe study Civil Engineering to get in on building dikes) but overall I wouldn’t sweat it too much.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:11 PM on December 30, 2019 [7 favorites]
I suspect this really depends a lot on your personality type. As forty-year-olds, my spouse wishes they'd spent more of their twenties pursuing career goals and learning languages. I wish I'd spent more of my twenties doing drugs and having sex with strangers. "Actively try out being different than you naturally are and see how it goes" may be the only common advice. But, since you asked,
The world is falling apart. But, it always has been. For most of the people on the planet, it's a lot better than ever before and is continuing to improve. Take heart from the history of struggle. (And don't be afraid to get arrested for trying to make the future even better. Unless your career goals include getting a security clearance, you'll be glad you did.)
posted by eotvos at 12:19 PM on December 30, 2019 [12 favorites]
What would you tell your younger self?Given a choice between bored and scared, always go for scared. The answer the question, "should I break up" is always yes. That goes for friendships and family too. You can care about people without believing what they say. The answer to the question, "should I try it" is nearly always yes. Spend every minute you can traveling to the most remote places you can get to. Don't save a penny until you're 35. (In twenty years you'll feel like an idiot for saving three day's salary by not crossing India on a bus when you had the time to do it.) But, if you're naturally impulsive, unlike me, that all may be terrible advice.
The world is falling apart. But, it always has been. For most of the people on the planet, it's a lot better than ever before and is continuing to improve. Take heart from the history of struggle. (And don't be afraid to get arrested for trying to make the future even better. Unless your career goals include getting a security clearance, you'll be glad you did.)
posted by eotvos at 12:19 PM on December 30, 2019 [12 favorites]
You can care about people without believing what they say.
You will be amazed how many people you know and love turn out to be phonies, hypocrites, liars, bad-choice-makers, flakes, not there for you sometimes when you need it. But you’ll also be amazed how these people are generous with their love when they can be, do heroic things, make wild choices that enrich your life, accompany you through the best and worst times of your life, and fight so hard against unfair things life throws at them. They will forget your birthday every year but fly across the country to hold your hand at a funeral. Accept now that you will love people who are very far from perfect, but you don’t need them to be. With people that are really not living up to friendship, try letting the relationship cool rather than definitely cutting it off. It’s really something to look at someone and know you’ve known them (and they’ve known you) for twenty or thirty years.
posted by sallybrown at 12:37 PM on December 30, 2019 [14 favorites]
You will be amazed how many people you know and love turn out to be phonies, hypocrites, liars, bad-choice-makers, flakes, not there for you sometimes when you need it. But you’ll also be amazed how these people are generous with their love when they can be, do heroic things, make wild choices that enrich your life, accompany you through the best and worst times of your life, and fight so hard against unfair things life throws at them. They will forget your birthday every year but fly across the country to hold your hand at a funeral. Accept now that you will love people who are very far from perfect, but you don’t need them to be. With people that are really not living up to friendship, try letting the relationship cool rather than definitely cutting it off. It’s really something to look at someone and know you’ve known them (and they’ve known you) for twenty or thirty years.
posted by sallybrown at 12:37 PM on December 30, 2019 [14 favorites]
It will never be as easy to get strong and/or develop an athletic skill as it is right now. Go for it.
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:39 PM on December 30, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:39 PM on December 30, 2019 [4 favorites]
Yes, get very fit with yoga, or Pilates! It will serve you very very well!
posted by catspajammies at 12:43 PM on December 30, 2019
posted by catspajammies at 12:43 PM on December 30, 2019
You recognize that you are very young, that's smart. But don't let anyone intimidate you because of your youth. Travel if you can. Avoid debt, esp. on consumer spending like cars, clothes, stuff. It's easier to go to school and/or travel now than it will ever be. Learn to know yourself. Enjoy youth as much as you can. Not necessarily partying, but having a younger body and wide opportunities.
posted by theora55 at 12:57 PM on December 30, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 12:57 PM on December 30, 2019 [4 favorites]
please read this comment i made to another 22 year old a few years ago.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 1:09 PM on December 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by misanthropicsarah at 1:09 PM on December 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
What did you enjoy about your 20s?
Travel. I accepted every invitation to travel. It was a rule I made and have never broken and it's netted me a lot of happiness.
What didn’t you enjoy?
My 20s body. You're not out of shape in your 20s, but you don't know that until decades later.
What would you tell your younger self?
Yes: your twenties are sucking in many ways. Wait ten years. Your thirties are going to rule!
What goals did you have or meet?
Other than school, none: I began making and meeting goals in my thirties when I had a halfway decent job.
What should I do to make the most of my time as a 20-something?
Appreciate youth? But everybody told me to do that and I still didn't do that, so maybe it's not possible. Do start healthy habits and stop unhealthy ones. Like stay out of the sun and quit cigarettes, alcohol, and sugar as advisors above have counseled--along with any other harmful substances you're using. If you try but fail at quitting harmful habits, don't worry about it: one, trying means you do less of the stuff and accrue less of the harm, and two, trying is good practice for your thirties or forties, when you will probably succeed at quitting.
posted by Don Pepino at 1:24 PM on December 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
Travel. I accepted every invitation to travel. It was a rule I made and have never broken and it's netted me a lot of happiness.
What didn’t you enjoy?
My 20s body. You're not out of shape in your 20s, but you don't know that until decades later.
What would you tell your younger self?
Yes: your twenties are sucking in many ways. Wait ten years. Your thirties are going to rule!
What goals did you have or meet?
Other than school, none: I began making and meeting goals in my thirties when I had a halfway decent job.
What should I do to make the most of my time as a 20-something?
Appreciate youth? But everybody told me to do that and I still didn't do that, so maybe it's not possible. Do start healthy habits and stop unhealthy ones. Like stay out of the sun and quit cigarettes, alcohol, and sugar as advisors above have counseled--along with any other harmful substances you're using. If you try but fail at quitting harmful habits, don't worry about it: one, trying means you do less of the stuff and accrue less of the harm, and two, trying is good practice for your thirties or forties, when you will probably succeed at quitting.
posted by Don Pepino at 1:24 PM on December 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
Prioritize friendships, mentorships, growth experiences (including travel and fun, but also professional and educational), and general interpersonal skill acquisition over romantic relationships. Don't move in with someone you're dating just because it seems "easier" to share rent. Don't stay with someone out of inertia or safety.
The odds are so, so slim that you will meet any kind of long-term life partner before your late 20s that there's not a ton of point in pursuing it except to get better at relationships in general for the one that'll actually stick later. You still have 3-6 years of developmental puberty left, and so few years' experience being something like a grownup, your personality and preferences are still some years from even approaching locked in. So many people just slump sideways into the first okay relationship that presents itself, because "that's just what you do" (note: it's what Boomers did and it defined our pop culture for a very very long time, so it still kinda seems like that but look around your real world and see if it's actually true), start making babies and THEN figure out what they actually want to do with their lives and split up and go do it, now with tiny humans with needs of their own.
Fill yourself up instead of passively waiting to be filled by another person, or by an employer (dear god no), or pop culture, or identifying with a brand in lieu of having an identity. If you have low self esteem, anxiety, depression, AD(H)D, or unresolved trauma start treating that shit NOW with every resource you can throw at it and all the energy you have to spare, like your life depends on it. This, as much as early retirement savings if that's even possible, and routine dental care if THAT's even possible, will shape the course of your next five to ten decades more than any other thing. Your mental health and life coping skills will have tremendous influence on every choice you make, every opportunity you see or miss or are/aren't offered, every project you will or won't have the energy to take on. If you're in pretty good mental shape right now, learning the skills to manage stress, to take care of yourself during the unavoidable hard times in your life in the future, to reach out meaningfully to others when they are struggling, to know how and when to disengage and remove yourself from situations that are not good for you, this is incredibly important. It is worth your investment in time and attention now.
And finally, never fall into the trap of being shitty as a social bond. I mean, don't be a Nazi or other huge terrible things, but also just don't willingly sit at the Mean Kids table when you have a choice. If you're going to be a fan of a pop culture or personality or thing or place or adventure, do it with the folks having fun instead of the folks shitting on everyone else for having fun. It may seem cooler (oh, and way safer) to stand on the sidelines making fun of the people actually participating in something, but eventually you're not only going to realize you're standing in the asshole section, but you're going to realize that everybody on the field knew where you were standing the whole time. That doesn't mean being a blind follower, and it doesn't mean you shouldn't analyze all situations for their toxic potential before you pick a side, but it does mean choosing to put yourself out there when you can, and it means being inclusive to everyone who wants to play in good faith, which might mean being exclusive to the ones in the asshole section. Neutrality is rarely an option, and nihilism stops being interesting real fast; try to be a force for good when you have the opportunity.
posted by Lyn Never at 1:48 PM on December 30, 2019 [9 favorites]
The odds are so, so slim that you will meet any kind of long-term life partner before your late 20s that there's not a ton of point in pursuing it except to get better at relationships in general for the one that'll actually stick later. You still have 3-6 years of developmental puberty left, and so few years' experience being something like a grownup, your personality and preferences are still some years from even approaching locked in. So many people just slump sideways into the first okay relationship that presents itself, because "that's just what you do" (note: it's what Boomers did and it defined our pop culture for a very very long time, so it still kinda seems like that but look around your real world and see if it's actually true), start making babies and THEN figure out what they actually want to do with their lives and split up and go do it, now with tiny humans with needs of their own.
Fill yourself up instead of passively waiting to be filled by another person, or by an employer (dear god no), or pop culture, or identifying with a brand in lieu of having an identity. If you have low self esteem, anxiety, depression, AD(H)D, or unresolved trauma start treating that shit NOW with every resource you can throw at it and all the energy you have to spare, like your life depends on it. This, as much as early retirement savings if that's even possible, and routine dental care if THAT's even possible, will shape the course of your next five to ten decades more than any other thing. Your mental health and life coping skills will have tremendous influence on every choice you make, every opportunity you see or miss or are/aren't offered, every project you will or won't have the energy to take on. If you're in pretty good mental shape right now, learning the skills to manage stress, to take care of yourself during the unavoidable hard times in your life in the future, to reach out meaningfully to others when they are struggling, to know how and when to disengage and remove yourself from situations that are not good for you, this is incredibly important. It is worth your investment in time and attention now.
And finally, never fall into the trap of being shitty as a social bond. I mean, don't be a Nazi or other huge terrible things, but also just don't willingly sit at the Mean Kids table when you have a choice. If you're going to be a fan of a pop culture or personality or thing or place or adventure, do it with the folks having fun instead of the folks shitting on everyone else for having fun. It may seem cooler (oh, and way safer) to stand on the sidelines making fun of the people actually participating in something, but eventually you're not only going to realize you're standing in the asshole section, but you're going to realize that everybody on the field knew where you were standing the whole time. That doesn't mean being a blind follower, and it doesn't mean you shouldn't analyze all situations for their toxic potential before you pick a side, but it does mean choosing to put yourself out there when you can, and it means being inclusive to everyone who wants to play in good faith, which might mean being exclusive to the ones in the asshole section. Neutrality is rarely an option, and nihilism stops being interesting real fast; try to be a force for good when you have the opportunity.
posted by Lyn Never at 1:48 PM on December 30, 2019 [9 favorites]
Every 20 year old has been facing down an uncertain future since 1899. It's just how things are now. We are all in the same boat.
posted by bleep at 2:02 PM on December 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by bleep at 2:02 PM on December 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
Save more money. Have more fun. Go outside more. Put down your phone more. And vote in every election!
That's about it. Don't worry too much. The world is always ending. Try to have a good time while you're young and healthy and unencumbered and don't need as much sleep as you will later in your life.
posted by Countess Sandwich at 2:29 PM on December 30, 2019 [4 favorites]
That's about it. Don't worry too much. The world is always ending. Try to have a good time while you're young and healthy and unencumbered and don't need as much sleep as you will later in your life.
posted by Countess Sandwich at 2:29 PM on December 30, 2019 [4 favorites]
It took me too long to realize that just because I am particularly competent at an activity doesn't mean I should necessarily be the one doing that activity. The repercussions of this realization continue to reverberate across my life, with radical changes in everything from division of household labor to saying no (or nothing) when asked to volunteer for things to executing a U-turn on my entire professional life at age 31.
posted by deludingmyself at 3:01 PM on December 30, 2019 [8 favorites]
posted by deludingmyself at 3:01 PM on December 30, 2019 [8 favorites]
My twenties were honestly the hardest years of my life. I was in a very intense phase of my career; struggling with the loss of a college relationship and rebounding in a bad "adult" one; deep in debt. I felt particularly guilty because all my college friends were living this great life with discretionary income (even if not much) to fund dinner parties, bar nights, dating. (And this was mostly pre-Instagram, but Facebook photos were bigger at the time than they are now.) Everyone around me told me that your 20s were the best years of your life, and I couldn't participate in any of it. Felt like a capital-L loser.
The day I hit 30, no joke, it was like a weight lifted and I instantly stopped giving a fuck about others' perception of what the good life means. I am so much happier. I wish I'd had the courage to stop giving a fuck earlier.
Also, don't forget to floss. Seriously, that is worth giving a fuck about.
posted by basalganglia at 3:06 PM on December 30, 2019 [5 favorites]
The day I hit 30, no joke, it was like a weight lifted and I instantly stopped giving a fuck about others' perception of what the good life means. I am so much happier. I wish I'd had the courage to stop giving a fuck earlier.
Also, don't forget to floss. Seriously, that is worth giving a fuck about.
posted by basalganglia at 3:06 PM on December 30, 2019 [5 favorites]
This is the decade to get in shape! Laying a foundation of good fitness in your 20s will pay dividends for a long long time.
Other than that, my experience is that most people don't really start being like adults until they hit 25, and many people find the years from 22-25ish to be pretty tough. Be nice to yourself in these years if this turns out to be the case for you. You don't have to be perfect, date the perfect people, make the best decisions, no one does, and you'll be ok. You don't even really have to worry about that fitness thing until like your late 20s if you really don't feel like it. Have fun, be nice to yourself, and don't be too hard on yourself when you make the inevitable dumb mistakes that we all make.
posted by ch1x0r at 3:38 PM on December 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
Other than that, my experience is that most people don't really start being like adults until they hit 25, and many people find the years from 22-25ish to be pretty tough. Be nice to yourself in these years if this turns out to be the case for you. You don't have to be perfect, date the perfect people, make the best decisions, no one does, and you'll be ok. You don't even really have to worry about that fitness thing until like your late 20s if you really don't feel like it. Have fun, be nice to yourself, and don't be too hard on yourself when you make the inevitable dumb mistakes that we all make.
posted by ch1x0r at 3:38 PM on December 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
What did you enjoy about your 20s?
Ignorance was bliss.
What didn’t you enjoy?
The feeling that I didn't belong. Sticking around people who weren't good for me.
What would you tell your younger self?
You are capable. Show up. Be friendlier. Be open. Give people your attention. Don't be cynical since it closes you off from the world. Connect. Listen. Don't quit. Don't worry. Who you are is okay. Embrace it and don't be ashamed.
What goals did you have or meet?
I did not have many goals apart from obtaining a degree in a helping profession. I met that goal and still work in that profession. In my twenties, I wasn't necessarily taking the longview approach to life and probably should have had more goals and aspirations. I lacked exposure, mentors, and know-how. I would have broadened my worldview and exposed myself to more possibilities. I was too inside my head so I was blind to those possibilities.
What should I do to make the most of my time as a 20-something?
Set more challenging goals. Know that your are capable. It's cliched -- but work hard and play hard. Have fun but also do the work to meet your personal and professional goals. Striving for striving's sake isn't wise and achieving to bolster ego or enhance your image isn't good either, but do know that there is nothing wrong with challenging yourself and achieving things that you're interested in -- because they greatly enrich your life.
Be good to yourself and to others. Be loyal and make new friends and keep the old. Take care of your mental health. In my twenties I had more highs and lows. Life isn't easy but having an even temperament, some mental toughness, and good coping skills are a huge asset in your twenties when you're still trying to figure things out.
What should we (the world) be prepared for?
I have no idea but an obvious answer is ever increasing and rapid technological advances.
What should we look forward to?
Technology that saves lives.
What should we be worried about?
Increasing isolation, lack of community, and loneliness secondary to more developments in technology.
What should I (as a wee 22-year-old) being doing to prepare for the future?
Practice living in the moment and cut out distractions. The present is where your life happens. Learn from your mistakes but don't look back much.
Take the longview when it comes to career. At this time your brain is still geared for learning and with youth comes energy and vitality. Do the "hard" things now so you won't have to work so hard later. Also know that there is nothing wrong with working in jobs that are not ideal. They are necessary in your youth and are stepping stones to the next level. Have a positive attitude around working and building a career. Save and be choosy about how you spend your money.
I'm 47 and if I were 22 again I would get an advanced degree, spend less, save more, take up a hobby that I could learn and perfect over the course of my adult life -- right now I wish I knew how to play tennis and how to crochet and knit.
If you're interested in pursuing something -- go for it and stick with it. Think about the things that enrich your life - family, friends, community, education, career, hobbies -- and devote your focus and time to these things.
posted by loveandhappiness at 4:38 PM on December 30, 2019 [4 favorites]
Ignorance was bliss.
What didn’t you enjoy?
The feeling that I didn't belong. Sticking around people who weren't good for me.
What would you tell your younger self?
You are capable. Show up. Be friendlier. Be open. Give people your attention. Don't be cynical since it closes you off from the world. Connect. Listen. Don't quit. Don't worry. Who you are is okay. Embrace it and don't be ashamed.
What goals did you have or meet?
I did not have many goals apart from obtaining a degree in a helping profession. I met that goal and still work in that profession. In my twenties, I wasn't necessarily taking the longview approach to life and probably should have had more goals and aspirations. I lacked exposure, mentors, and know-how. I would have broadened my worldview and exposed myself to more possibilities. I was too inside my head so I was blind to those possibilities.
What should I do to make the most of my time as a 20-something?
Set more challenging goals. Know that your are capable. It's cliched -- but work hard and play hard. Have fun but also do the work to meet your personal and professional goals. Striving for striving's sake isn't wise and achieving to bolster ego or enhance your image isn't good either, but do know that there is nothing wrong with challenging yourself and achieving things that you're interested in -- because they greatly enrich your life.
Be good to yourself and to others. Be loyal and make new friends and keep the old. Take care of your mental health. In my twenties I had more highs and lows. Life isn't easy but having an even temperament, some mental toughness, and good coping skills are a huge asset in your twenties when you're still trying to figure things out.
What should we (the world) be prepared for?
I have no idea but an obvious answer is ever increasing and rapid technological advances.
What should we look forward to?
Technology that saves lives.
What should we be worried about?
Increasing isolation, lack of community, and loneliness secondary to more developments in technology.
What should I (as a wee 22-year-old) being doing to prepare for the future?
Practice living in the moment and cut out distractions. The present is where your life happens. Learn from your mistakes but don't look back much.
Take the longview when it comes to career. At this time your brain is still geared for learning and with youth comes energy and vitality. Do the "hard" things now so you won't have to work so hard later. Also know that there is nothing wrong with working in jobs that are not ideal. They are necessary in your youth and are stepping stones to the next level. Have a positive attitude around working and building a career. Save and be choosy about how you spend your money.
I'm 47 and if I were 22 again I would get an advanced degree, spend less, save more, take up a hobby that I could learn and perfect over the course of my adult life -- right now I wish I knew how to play tennis and how to crochet and knit.
If you're interested in pursuing something -- go for it and stick with it. Think about the things that enrich your life - family, friends, community, education, career, hobbies -- and devote your focus and time to these things.
posted by loveandhappiness at 4:38 PM on December 30, 2019 [4 favorites]
This is the time to collect memories, stories and friends. You'll continue to do cool things in your 30s, 40s and beyond, but it will be harder to schedule and harder to take risks as you get more responsibilities, so take advantage of your freedom now.
I don't know if having a camera in your phone changes this, but I wish i had a lot more photos from my 20s. Be the one in your friend group that's always taking photos and videos. You'll appreciate having them later.
I had a quarter-life crisis when I turned 25. I started thinking of myself as almost 30. That was silly. Even 30 is still very young, do don't let yourself start feeling old or tied down to anything.
Failure and discomfort are important requirements for growth. Always take advantage of opportunities to challenge yourself. It will give you good habits and good experience to build on.
As you enter the work world, you may be tempted to believe that the way to fix any problems you see is obvious. It's great that you will want to solve issues, but before you offer your expertise ask to see if it's been tried before. You'll find that generally it isn't just that nobody has thought of that great and obvious fix. It's that other things you aren't seeing you are standing in the way of that. Share your ideas. Share your energy and excitement. Make the world a better place, but do it from a place of true instead of assumed knowledge, and be ready to the work to really bring about the change you want to see.
posted by willnot at 4:51 PM on December 30, 2019 [4 favorites]
I don't know if having a camera in your phone changes this, but I wish i had a lot more photos from my 20s. Be the one in your friend group that's always taking photos and videos. You'll appreciate having them later.
I had a quarter-life crisis when I turned 25. I started thinking of myself as almost 30. That was silly. Even 30 is still very young, do don't let yourself start feeling old or tied down to anything.
Failure and discomfort are important requirements for growth. Always take advantage of opportunities to challenge yourself. It will give you good habits and good experience to build on.
As you enter the work world, you may be tempted to believe that the way to fix any problems you see is obvious. It's great that you will want to solve issues, but before you offer your expertise ask to see if it's been tried before. You'll find that generally it isn't just that nobody has thought of that great and obvious fix. It's that other things you aren't seeing you are standing in the way of that. Share your ideas. Share your energy and excitement. Make the world a better place, but do it from a place of true instead of assumed knowledge, and be ready to the work to really bring about the change you want to see.
posted by willnot at 4:51 PM on December 30, 2019 [4 favorites]
Have adventures, whatever that means to you. Do spontaneous things. Once your life gets more settled (work, relationships, family) in your 30's, you may not have time.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 5:06 PM on December 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by SuperSquirrel at 5:06 PM on December 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
It's probably going to suck sometimes. But even the hardest, most painful, most comically horrible parts will pass.
Hang in there.
posted by Amy93 at 5:15 PM on December 30, 2019 [3 favorites]
Hang in there.
posted by Amy93 at 5:15 PM on December 30, 2019 [3 favorites]
Put yourself out there! Experiment! Try something you’ve never done. Looking back, I wish I was more courageous and done more things just to do it. The early 20s is a part of that.
posted by callmenet at 5:37 PM on December 30, 2019
posted by callmenet at 5:37 PM on December 30, 2019
Save a little bit of money (mutual funds, emergency funds, retirement oh my!). If you work somewhere that has an employer match 401k (US) that's free money! I made such little money in my 20s but participated in the 401k available to me when so many of my older coworkers didn't (and I later found out they made so much more...). Compound interest!
Exercise, try all the things and pick what you like.
Do some fun travel. Experiences are great, but do feel free to say no if you aren't interested.
Floss. Stay up to date on vaccinations, dentist vists, dr vists etc. (hi, HPV). Health is wealth!
My 20s...man I shoulda dumped some of those guys wayyyyy sooner than I did.
posted by ataco at 5:57 PM on December 30, 2019 [6 favorites]
Exercise, try all the things and pick what you like.
Do some fun travel. Experiences are great, but do feel free to say no if you aren't interested.
Floss. Stay up to date on vaccinations, dentist vists, dr vists etc. (hi, HPV). Health is wealth!
My 20s...man I shoulda dumped some of those guys wayyyyy sooner than I did.
posted by ataco at 5:57 PM on December 30, 2019 [6 favorites]
Best answer: Become a geek about something. Maybe you are to some extent, but IMO this really means keep challenging yourself constructively in a particular domain. That you can appear to be a genius without having to be a genius is sort of the point of the "bus ticket collector" argument for being a geek about something, which among other things encourages you to be irresponsible about what you pursue--and why not? You have long enough to learn and to be a lot of different things. But I would suggest prioritizing skills over information--they last longer, pay better, and transfer better into other domains.
Of course, cover your bases on matters of general utility: good health / self-care habits, reasonable finances, offsite backups, and the ability to pick up and move all your stuff on short notice are all in some sense forms of freedom. A lot of disasters are foreseeable at least a day or two in advance, but a lot of great opportunities are only foreseeable on that short timeline as well--in your 20s for sure, be ready to go.
Communication skills like getting to know someone's world, coming to an agreement, getting past disagreement, opening yourself up, expressing empathy, not blocking others, recognizing status games, anticipating common sources of error, anticipating socially-structured defensiveness, recognizing other awful tactics, declining unfair expectations, and so on are all pretty learnable. Maybe you're already there or maybe some of these don't apply to you, but it's reasonable and important to ask others close to you to learn them too.
Basically--have fun, take care of yourself, be kind, and associate with people doing the same. But here's another thing: try to appreciate sub-"optimal" aesthetics, and I don't even mean things so bad they're good. Movies don't need to be great. Vacations don't need to be perfect. Books don't need to be worth recommending to other people. Look at it this way:
posted by Wobbuffet at 6:04 PM on December 30, 2019 [12 favorites]
Of course, cover your bases on matters of general utility: good health / self-care habits, reasonable finances, offsite backups, and the ability to pick up and move all your stuff on short notice are all in some sense forms of freedom. A lot of disasters are foreseeable at least a day or two in advance, but a lot of great opportunities are only foreseeable on that short timeline as well--in your 20s for sure, be ready to go.
Communication skills like getting to know someone's world, coming to an agreement, getting past disagreement, opening yourself up, expressing empathy, not blocking others, recognizing status games, anticipating common sources of error, anticipating socially-structured defensiveness, recognizing other awful tactics, declining unfair expectations, and so on are all pretty learnable. Maybe you're already there or maybe some of these don't apply to you, but it's reasonable and important to ask others close to you to learn them too.
Basically--have fun, take care of yourself, be kind, and associate with people doing the same. But here's another thing: try to appreciate sub-"optimal" aesthetics, and I don't even mean things so bad they're good. Movies don't need to be great. Vacations don't need to be perfect. Books don't need to be worth recommending to other people. Look at it this way:
Should we only be interested to view the cherry blossoms at their peak, or the moon when it is full? To yearn for the moon when it is raining, or to be closed up in ones room, failing to notice the passing of Spring, is far more moving. Treetops just before they break into blossom, or gardens strewn with fallen flowers are just as worthy of notice. There is much to see in them. Is it any less wonderful to say, in the preface to a poem, that it was written on viewing the cherry blossoms just after they had peaked, or that something had prevented one from seeing them altogether, than to say "on seeing the cherry blossoms"? Of course not. Flowers fall and the moon sets, these are the cyclic things of the worldIt's a point of view where, even if the world is not going well overall, probably most days something nice will happen to you, and you'll be able to notice.
posted by Wobbuffet at 6:04 PM on December 30, 2019 [12 favorites]
2nding willnot that when you hit your mid 20s you might have a crisis about not being halfway towards the image you had of yourself at age 30. Hitting 30 will feel like a reset button - I think the early 30s are the best time of life...but don’t jump into a relationship because you want to keep up with your peer group or have kids. If I could do it over, I'd try to be happier with myself.
posted by bonobothegreat at 7:38 PM on December 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by bonobothegreat at 7:38 PM on December 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
I'm 32. I feel that I'm just closing the last decade of my life (see this metatalk for some inspiration) and on the cusp of the new, so I feel that I can address this! :)
22 is a good age to start your 20s at- it's after the teen years have come to a close and you find yourself hatched as a new adult, with all the freedoms and responsibilities that come with that! (20 and 21 were very similar for me as 18 and 19.)
For me, my 20s were about really growing into and becoming myself. Travelling- independently- was awesome. Definitely do this!
I worked and volunteered at fun places. I think everyone should have some hospitality and food handling experiences- it informs my thinking to this day!
I moved towns. Got a proper job- that was the late part of my 20s. Big decisions, but embrace them!
Indulge in the freedom- and the realisation that if anything goes wrong you're the one responsible for getting yourself out- and yet still take risks. Free time as well!
Countering the comments above, use your 20s for exercise, yes, but also for enjoying food when you still have a decent metabolism for it. Don't give up sugar too soon! :)
My 20s were also when I had to deal with some health issues, including my mental health- be proactive and deal with these things as they come up.
One of the best things I did was make a list of 'things to do before 30' - I didn't get everything done, but I did learn to play a musical instrument because of it. Do cool things like learn to bake your own bread, make yoghurt from scratch, or whatever interests you.
I don't know what the world is going to hold for us in the next decade, but I have hope that there are enough people out there who care, like I do, and are working towards making things better. It's going to be uncertain and scary at times, but we'll get there.
posted by freethefeet at 8:13 PM on December 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
22 is a good age to start your 20s at- it's after the teen years have come to a close and you find yourself hatched as a new adult, with all the freedoms and responsibilities that come with that! (20 and 21 were very similar for me as 18 and 19.)
For me, my 20s were about really growing into and becoming myself. Travelling- independently- was awesome. Definitely do this!
I worked and volunteered at fun places. I think everyone should have some hospitality and food handling experiences- it informs my thinking to this day!
I moved towns. Got a proper job- that was the late part of my 20s. Big decisions, but embrace them!
Indulge in the freedom- and the realisation that if anything goes wrong you're the one responsible for getting yourself out- and yet still take risks. Free time as well!
Countering the comments above, use your 20s for exercise, yes, but also for enjoying food when you still have a decent metabolism for it. Don't give up sugar too soon! :)
My 20s were also when I had to deal with some health issues, including my mental health- be proactive and deal with these things as they come up.
One of the best things I did was make a list of 'things to do before 30' - I didn't get everything done, but I did learn to play a musical instrument because of it. Do cool things like learn to bake your own bread, make yoghurt from scratch, or whatever interests you.
I don't know what the world is going to hold for us in the next decade, but I have hope that there are enough people out there who care, like I do, and are working towards making things better. It's going to be uncertain and scary at times, but we'll get there.
posted by freethefeet at 8:13 PM on December 30, 2019 [1 favorite]
Enjoy your body. Your body is ugly and has all kinds of parts that don't work very well or don't work at all. But your body is actually no uglier than any body else's. We all have nose hairs with boogers stuck to them inside our noses. The ugliness now - pores, roles of fat, wrong face, wrong skin tone - whatever it is, is actually totally beautiful and perfect the way it is. You have already passed your peak in terms of being beautiful and it is a steady downhill from now. So if you don't focus on loving what you got while you got it you will end up looking back and saying, man, if I only I had appreciated how I looked before I lost all that weight... if only I hadn't been focused on wishing I were buff.
Similarly your body is defective and you can't do stuff that other people can do and you will never be able to do that stuff, and your body hurts sometimes - again, you are now probably at your peak of physical function. You might be able to train your lungs to be really effective by cardio, but you will never again be able to train your lungs to the extent you can train them now. The same goes for any other physical skill. Now you are at your best physical raw peak. So enjoy it and use it and appreciate it.
In the next few years you complexion will go, you'll blow a knee, the teeth on the left side will stop being good for chewing - a whole bunch of stuff like that. But it is going to happen one year at a time, one day, one minute at a time, so you will learn to live with and cope with and adapt to it. There's a strong chance by the time you are sixty you will say, "Wow, never thought at twenty two that I would be able to endure so much pain that I went through!" and surprisingly, not only will you have been able to endure it, but it won't even have been very difficult. If you get kidney stones you will learn to take them in stride. If you have to rehabilitate from a bone-shattering car accident you will take it in stride. The pain moments will only be moments and you will adjust your new normal and it won't ruin your happiness and will only put temporary blips into your quality of life.
Your mental health is more important than your physical health and all the stuff I said about being at your physical peak doesn't apply to your mental health. You are not at your peak of mental health, you are have just laid the foundation for your future mental health and the bulk of the work that will bring you towards stronger, more resilient mental health lies ahead of you. Like physical training mental health training will have days where it you want to stop working on it and just go back to bed. But mental health pays much greater dividends than physical health and the basic exercise that you repeat over and over is simply to be kind to yourself. Having obsessive thoughts about how miserable someone is making you? register that you are doing it and figure out how to be kind to yourself, how to protect yourself and move on to a place where you are not having those thoughts, either because you are protecting yourself from that person now, or because you have let it go. Spending time being ashamed? Face it and figure out how much it is justified, and how to be in a position where you don't have to feel that way again. Over and over you will fall into these situations and get better and better at going from unhappy back to happy again.
The longer you live the more practice you will have at setting boundaries, at knowing your own strengths, at having perspective. Perspective is wonderful. The first time you break up with a significant other will seem deep and dramatic and important and life changing. The eighth time you break up with a significant other you will be an expert at it, and know just how long it will take to pull yourself out of the pain stage. Instead of "my heart is breaking!" it will become "This again. I can do this."
Limit the time you spend with unhappy and/or unkind people. Unhappy people are vampires. It's usually not something they can help, but it's so hard on your happiness. Their moods will rub off on yours. So if you notice someone is unhappy make sure that the time you spend with them is not increasing. And if you notice that someone is making you unhappy, keep in mind that they are at best, a drowning person pulling you under, and you're not succeeding in rescuing them. You are drowning too. I'm not saying to abandon them. I'm saying that your strategy needs to be figuring out how to get to the shore where you can throw them a lifeline, not to stay in the water holding their head out until you both go under.
Start some habits, just small things that require a time commitment for results. Write something every day - say a page a day. Play one song on a musical instrument. Practice five minutes in another language. Read some logic. Thirty years from now, those five to ten minutes a day will result in a decent level of mastery, and that mastery is foundational for your self esteem and sense of accomplishment. Those skills however will be foundational because if you learned carpentry learning plumbing will be much easier. If you learned to write sonnets learning to write persuasive e-mails will be easier. If you study logic, learning self control will be easier. Every skill is transferable, and transferable skills will pay off. You're going to go much farther if you know how to do useful things and you will have much more income security. If you choose one career, chances are you'll need to change to another career before you are forty. So learn a wide variety of things, useful things and people skills so that when you need them you'll have a bunch of stuff to build from or to fall back on.
Appreciate all the dumb pointless time wasting things you do that you enjoy. The jig saw puzzle, the fifteen minutes chat, the manicure, the orgasm, the cup of coffee you grab on the way into work. Look back at them and smile. "I had fun." You could become the richest person of your cohort, or the best coder, or the one who introduced a new dance form, or the best poet of your generation - no matter how much you achieve or how high you go, it won't matter, in one hundred years you won't matter, you'll be a name that people remember, and if they care about it they won't actually know anything that was important about you. This time you've got, this next thirty to sixty years you've got, is all about if the moments are fun, if the little times are good, if you relaxed and smiled and liked the people who were around you. When you get to the end of your life you may want to say you did something worthwhile, or that you were respected, or that you were loved, but the most important thing to be able to look back and say is, "I had fun." So don't feel you are wasting your time when you chat about something pointless or do something that makes your body feel good, or stop and play with the cat. The big question at the end of the day is, was it a good day? Were you happy? Did you have fun?
posted by Jane the Brown at 8:18 PM on December 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
Similarly your body is defective and you can't do stuff that other people can do and you will never be able to do that stuff, and your body hurts sometimes - again, you are now probably at your peak of physical function. You might be able to train your lungs to be really effective by cardio, but you will never again be able to train your lungs to the extent you can train them now. The same goes for any other physical skill. Now you are at your best physical raw peak. So enjoy it and use it and appreciate it.
In the next few years you complexion will go, you'll blow a knee, the teeth on the left side will stop being good for chewing - a whole bunch of stuff like that. But it is going to happen one year at a time, one day, one minute at a time, so you will learn to live with and cope with and adapt to it. There's a strong chance by the time you are sixty you will say, "Wow, never thought at twenty two that I would be able to endure so much pain that I went through!" and surprisingly, not only will you have been able to endure it, but it won't even have been very difficult. If you get kidney stones you will learn to take them in stride. If you have to rehabilitate from a bone-shattering car accident you will take it in stride. The pain moments will only be moments and you will adjust your new normal and it won't ruin your happiness and will only put temporary blips into your quality of life.
Your mental health is more important than your physical health and all the stuff I said about being at your physical peak doesn't apply to your mental health. You are not at your peak of mental health, you are have just laid the foundation for your future mental health and the bulk of the work that will bring you towards stronger, more resilient mental health lies ahead of you. Like physical training mental health training will have days where it you want to stop working on it and just go back to bed. But mental health pays much greater dividends than physical health and the basic exercise that you repeat over and over is simply to be kind to yourself. Having obsessive thoughts about how miserable someone is making you? register that you are doing it and figure out how to be kind to yourself, how to protect yourself and move on to a place where you are not having those thoughts, either because you are protecting yourself from that person now, or because you have let it go. Spending time being ashamed? Face it and figure out how much it is justified, and how to be in a position where you don't have to feel that way again. Over and over you will fall into these situations and get better and better at going from unhappy back to happy again.
The longer you live the more practice you will have at setting boundaries, at knowing your own strengths, at having perspective. Perspective is wonderful. The first time you break up with a significant other will seem deep and dramatic and important and life changing. The eighth time you break up with a significant other you will be an expert at it, and know just how long it will take to pull yourself out of the pain stage. Instead of "my heart is breaking!" it will become "This again. I can do this."
Limit the time you spend with unhappy and/or unkind people. Unhappy people are vampires. It's usually not something they can help, but it's so hard on your happiness. Their moods will rub off on yours. So if you notice someone is unhappy make sure that the time you spend with them is not increasing. And if you notice that someone is making you unhappy, keep in mind that they are at best, a drowning person pulling you under, and you're not succeeding in rescuing them. You are drowning too. I'm not saying to abandon them. I'm saying that your strategy needs to be figuring out how to get to the shore where you can throw them a lifeline, not to stay in the water holding their head out until you both go under.
Start some habits, just small things that require a time commitment for results. Write something every day - say a page a day. Play one song on a musical instrument. Practice five minutes in another language. Read some logic. Thirty years from now, those five to ten minutes a day will result in a decent level of mastery, and that mastery is foundational for your self esteem and sense of accomplishment. Those skills however will be foundational because if you learned carpentry learning plumbing will be much easier. If you learned to write sonnets learning to write persuasive e-mails will be easier. If you study logic, learning self control will be easier. Every skill is transferable, and transferable skills will pay off. You're going to go much farther if you know how to do useful things and you will have much more income security. If you choose one career, chances are you'll need to change to another career before you are forty. So learn a wide variety of things, useful things and people skills so that when you need them you'll have a bunch of stuff to build from or to fall back on.
Appreciate all the dumb pointless time wasting things you do that you enjoy. The jig saw puzzle, the fifteen minutes chat, the manicure, the orgasm, the cup of coffee you grab on the way into work. Look back at them and smile. "I had fun." You could become the richest person of your cohort, or the best coder, or the one who introduced a new dance form, or the best poet of your generation - no matter how much you achieve or how high you go, it won't matter, in one hundred years you won't matter, you'll be a name that people remember, and if they care about it they won't actually know anything that was important about you. This time you've got, this next thirty to sixty years you've got, is all about if the moments are fun, if the little times are good, if you relaxed and smiled and liked the people who were around you. When you get to the end of your life you may want to say you did something worthwhile, or that you were respected, or that you were loved, but the most important thing to be able to look back and say is, "I had fun." So don't feel you are wasting your time when you chat about something pointless or do something that makes your body feel good, or stop and play with the cat. The big question at the end of the day is, was it a good day? Were you happy? Did you have fun?
posted by Jane the Brown at 8:18 PM on December 30, 2019 [2 favorites]
Since the economy is uncertain, diversification and flexibility is key. If you lock yourself into a career path that puts you in heavy debt and takes twelve years of school, you are gambling that the career will exist, that you will be able to work at all, and that you will complete the prerequisites. If you are wrong what is your back up plan?
Learning several key skills that will provide you with employment in just about any economy is going to help keep you afloat. Bookkeeping is one of that kind of skills, because as long as there are businesses someone will need to do some day to day number crunching. Bookkeeping is also a fairly flexible skill, because you may be able to work from home, or find a job at an office, may be able to find part time work, or find full time work. Tax preparation is a related skill although it is more seasonal.
Driving is another key skill that is likely to mean you have back-up employment possibilities. Ten years ago I would have said that basic computer skills was such a key skill, but now people are mainly just using phones and I think that trend will continue. Previously being able to figure out why someones computer was taking so long to download, or where their files had gone, or how to change the information on the pop server address would have made you an expert. Depending on what your milieu is another skill could be hair dressing however in most milieu that will be starvation wages.
Financial security will come from being able to do things that other people can't do, and are willing to pay for them. There's a sweet spot between something being so simple everyone will either learn to do it, or do with out it, or not be willing to pay enough for you to survive for doing it, such as childcare, or being too complex so that you will need to get certification, have tools that other people provide to do it, and being subject to legislation that reduces your income. An example of what I mean by too complex is nursing. People will want private nurses, but not be able to afford skilled nursing, skilled nursing requires a hospital and diagnostic equipment to do it, which makes self employment doubtful, and there is a trend now for nursing salaries to be one of the things that become vulnerable when governments or corporations are looking to reduce their expenses. A career in nursing might be a very good choice, but it's not a back up skill. It's going to be your primary skill.
A second language is another example of a back-up flexible skill, because while there will be plenty of people who are bilingual in your target language and will not need your translation assistance, there will also be plenty of people who are unilingual and cannot learn the second language in the time frame where they need it and so will be willing to pay someone to help them out. What language to learn is dependent on where you live and what a good target second language is. In some areas for example there is a lot of Chinese immigration, and having enough Chinese to help out people who want to communicate with the immigrants could end up being a source of income, or at least provide you with the ability to work with the immigrants yourself.
You do not need certification in these secondary skills if the economy goes down the tubes in a big way. Say you learn to do a bunch of plumbing repairs working on the plumbing in your parent's house. You'll never get your apprenticeship certificate, let alone journeyman, but you'll save your parents a few thousand dollars, and then have the skills to negotiate a cut on your rent, and if you keep working on that skill, you could get work from people you know who can't afford a plumber but can't live without plumbing either. Using a skill like plumbing as a back up skill requires you to have the social connections to find the work. If you're not the kind of person who has a fairly large social group that's not a skill that will work for you.
Avoid the kind of back up work that is daily and essential, such as childcare, housekeeping and eldercare. Wages for these types of services are so bad that they become traps.
posted by Jane the Brown at 8:52 PM on December 30, 2019 [3 favorites]
Learning several key skills that will provide you with employment in just about any economy is going to help keep you afloat. Bookkeeping is one of that kind of skills, because as long as there are businesses someone will need to do some day to day number crunching. Bookkeeping is also a fairly flexible skill, because you may be able to work from home, or find a job at an office, may be able to find part time work, or find full time work. Tax preparation is a related skill although it is more seasonal.
Driving is another key skill that is likely to mean you have back-up employment possibilities. Ten years ago I would have said that basic computer skills was such a key skill, but now people are mainly just using phones and I think that trend will continue. Previously being able to figure out why someones computer was taking so long to download, or where their files had gone, or how to change the information on the pop server address would have made you an expert. Depending on what your milieu is another skill could be hair dressing however in most milieu that will be starvation wages.
Financial security will come from being able to do things that other people can't do, and are willing to pay for them. There's a sweet spot between something being so simple everyone will either learn to do it, or do with out it, or not be willing to pay enough for you to survive for doing it, such as childcare, or being too complex so that you will need to get certification, have tools that other people provide to do it, and being subject to legislation that reduces your income. An example of what I mean by too complex is nursing. People will want private nurses, but not be able to afford skilled nursing, skilled nursing requires a hospital and diagnostic equipment to do it, which makes self employment doubtful, and there is a trend now for nursing salaries to be one of the things that become vulnerable when governments or corporations are looking to reduce their expenses. A career in nursing might be a very good choice, but it's not a back up skill. It's going to be your primary skill.
A second language is another example of a back-up flexible skill, because while there will be plenty of people who are bilingual in your target language and will not need your translation assistance, there will also be plenty of people who are unilingual and cannot learn the second language in the time frame where they need it and so will be willing to pay someone to help them out. What language to learn is dependent on where you live and what a good target second language is. In some areas for example there is a lot of Chinese immigration, and having enough Chinese to help out people who want to communicate with the immigrants could end up being a source of income, or at least provide you with the ability to work with the immigrants yourself.
You do not need certification in these secondary skills if the economy goes down the tubes in a big way. Say you learn to do a bunch of plumbing repairs working on the plumbing in your parent's house. You'll never get your apprenticeship certificate, let alone journeyman, but you'll save your parents a few thousand dollars, and then have the skills to negotiate a cut on your rent, and if you keep working on that skill, you could get work from people you know who can't afford a plumber but can't live without plumbing either. Using a skill like plumbing as a back up skill requires you to have the social connections to find the work. If you're not the kind of person who has a fairly large social group that's not a skill that will work for you.
Avoid the kind of back up work that is daily and essential, such as childcare, housekeeping and eldercare. Wages for these types of services are so bad that they become traps.
posted by Jane the Brown at 8:52 PM on December 30, 2019 [3 favorites]
I think the thing that struck me about my 20s is that if you grew up spending a lot of time in school, as I did, you kind of get the impression that some people have natural talents at things and that what you pursue should be based on that. The good news is that being 22 means that you are young enough to do almost anything if you chase it (maybe not be a Navy SEAL or something, but most things). I think the bad news is that it's a bit of a monkey's paw: being able to do something doesn't always come with what I thought it would.
For example, in my early 20's, being a huge giant nerd, I had never done anything athletic before in my life. So I decided to be a martial artist, mostly because somebody told me that I'd never survive a day. And it really sucked at first, and I had to stop every five minutes to catch my breath, but after five or six years I got pretty good at it! But it turned out a lot of things that were going on in my life weren't because I was in bad shape or lacked the ability to wrestle other people.
Similarly, I decided that my social anxiety could be addressed by becoming a standup comic. And after a few years I became OK at it. But it gave me the ability to talk to large groups of people, and I think what I really wanted was to be good at talking to people one-on-one. Oops.
I think what I learned is that we're all good at the stuff we do, especially the small repeated things. The trap is that it's easy to become really good at watching Game of Thrones while eating snacks, and that ten years from now you might wish that you'd picked something else to be good at.
posted by Comrade_robot at 2:00 AM on December 31, 2019 [7 favorites]
For example, in my early 20's, being a huge giant nerd, I had never done anything athletic before in my life. So I decided to be a martial artist, mostly because somebody told me that I'd never survive a day. And it really sucked at first, and I had to stop every five minutes to catch my breath, but after five or six years I got pretty good at it! But it turned out a lot of things that were going on in my life weren't because I was in bad shape or lacked the ability to wrestle other people.
Similarly, I decided that my social anxiety could be addressed by becoming a standup comic. And after a few years I became OK at it. But it gave me the ability to talk to large groups of people, and I think what I really wanted was to be good at talking to people one-on-one. Oops.
I think what I learned is that we're all good at the stuff we do, especially the small repeated things. The trap is that it's easy to become really good at watching Game of Thrones while eating snacks, and that ten years from now you might wish that you'd picked something else to be good at.
posted by Comrade_robot at 2:00 AM on December 31, 2019 [7 favorites]
Date kind people.
If you think you might want to learn to snowboard at some point, do it now.
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 7:56 AM on December 31, 2019 [2 favorites]
If you think you might want to learn to snowboard at some point, do it now.
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 7:56 AM on December 31, 2019 [2 favorites]
I'll give you the answer I always give to these kinds of questions -- have lots of sex, with as many different types of people and combinations of people as interest you. This is a sincere suggestion. I regret very much not having more sex in my 20s. Later in your life, you won't have as many opportunities, and you may have physical limitations that interfere with your sex life. Do not hold back.
posted by OrangeDisk at 10:09 AM on December 31, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by OrangeDisk at 10:09 AM on December 31, 2019 [1 favorite]
I just turned 29 so I am declaring myself 90% qualified to answer this one.
What did you enjoy about your 20s? The freedom. I can do whatever I want and go wherever I want. I can eat breakfast for dinner and dessert in the middle of the night. I can show my ID to be let into any restaurant or concert at any hour. I can say "fuck" all the time including at work. I can just go to another country by myself if I feel like it. I can make friends with whoever I want. If I see a cool event I can just go. I don't always make the choices my teenage self thought I'd make, but I make a lot of choices that are not parent-approved and it doesn't matter anymore. YMMV on this one I guess, but I grew up in a strict family and was a rule-following kid. And honestly I am actually a pretty boring and conventional adult but sometimes I just walk around town and think hot damn, absolutely no one in the world knows or cares where I am or what I'm doing right now or when I come home. I'm just allowed to be out here by myself and do whatever. Hooray!
What didn’t you enjoy? Not knowing what the hell I'm doing at any given time. Putting my foot in it over and over and over. Learning and growing is an unpaved road full of potholes.
What would you tell your younger self? Hey, relax. It's going to be fine. I love you.
What goals did you have or meet? Honestly, I had a whole bunch of goals and dreams that were outrageously wrong for the person I turned out to be, and that just makes me smile now. I think any goal is fine, because having a goal in mind means you start doing something and then that something leads you to revisit and revise your goals and achieve things you never thought you could. There's a motivational poster quote that is unbelievably cliche but also completely accurate in my experience: "shoot for the moon, because even if you miss you'll land among the stars".
What should I do to make the most of my time as a 20-something? Agreed with everyone who says take care of your teeth. Also, take care of your skin; wear sunscreen or an SPF lotion every single day. If you have been living with pain either mental or physical, therapy including PT is worth the cost ten times over. Travel a lot, but only if you want to; generally, don't waste your time doing things you hate just because "everyone" told you it would make you happy. Get a credit card with cash back or miles and pay it off in full every single month. Find a community; know that your community may be completely different in ten years and love and cherish the people you have around you now. Specifically, find a community full of people who lift each other up rather than putting other people down. Don't make yourself responsible for fixing everything broken about the world, but pick one or two things you believe in to dedicate your money and time to. Learn a skill or craft and do something creative even if you're bad at it. Heck, especially if you're bad at it. I know someone who started sketching every day for fun with absolutely no experience and five years later she had a gallery show.
I don't feel qualified to predict the next decade and I don't think I ever will. I think instead of trying to prepare for an uncertain future (beyond common-sense things like having savings and taking care of your physical health) it makes more sense to prepare for the present and figure out what will nourish you and your community in the now.
posted by capricorn at 1:15 PM on December 31, 2019 [3 favorites]
What did you enjoy about your 20s? The freedom. I can do whatever I want and go wherever I want. I can eat breakfast for dinner and dessert in the middle of the night. I can show my ID to be let into any restaurant or concert at any hour. I can say "fuck" all the time including at work. I can just go to another country by myself if I feel like it. I can make friends with whoever I want. If I see a cool event I can just go. I don't always make the choices my teenage self thought I'd make, but I make a lot of choices that are not parent-approved and it doesn't matter anymore. YMMV on this one I guess, but I grew up in a strict family and was a rule-following kid. And honestly I am actually a pretty boring and conventional adult but sometimes I just walk around town and think hot damn, absolutely no one in the world knows or cares where I am or what I'm doing right now or when I come home. I'm just allowed to be out here by myself and do whatever. Hooray!
What didn’t you enjoy? Not knowing what the hell I'm doing at any given time. Putting my foot in it over and over and over. Learning and growing is an unpaved road full of potholes.
What would you tell your younger self? Hey, relax. It's going to be fine. I love you.
What goals did you have or meet? Honestly, I had a whole bunch of goals and dreams that were outrageously wrong for the person I turned out to be, and that just makes me smile now. I think any goal is fine, because having a goal in mind means you start doing something and then that something leads you to revisit and revise your goals and achieve things you never thought you could. There's a motivational poster quote that is unbelievably cliche but also completely accurate in my experience: "shoot for the moon, because even if you miss you'll land among the stars".
What should I do to make the most of my time as a 20-something? Agreed with everyone who says take care of your teeth. Also, take care of your skin; wear sunscreen or an SPF lotion every single day. If you have been living with pain either mental or physical, therapy including PT is worth the cost ten times over. Travel a lot, but only if you want to; generally, don't waste your time doing things you hate just because "everyone" told you it would make you happy. Get a credit card with cash back or miles and pay it off in full every single month. Find a community; know that your community may be completely different in ten years and love and cherish the people you have around you now. Specifically, find a community full of people who lift each other up rather than putting other people down. Don't make yourself responsible for fixing everything broken about the world, but pick one or two things you believe in to dedicate your money and time to. Learn a skill or craft and do something creative even if you're bad at it. Heck, especially if you're bad at it. I know someone who started sketching every day for fun with absolutely no experience and five years later she had a gallery show.
I don't feel qualified to predict the next decade and I don't think I ever will. I think instead of trying to prepare for an uncertain future (beyond common-sense things like having savings and taking care of your physical health) it makes more sense to prepare for the present and figure out what will nourish you and your community in the now.
posted by capricorn at 1:15 PM on December 31, 2019 [3 favorites]
Also know that there is nothing wrong with working in jobs that are not ideal.
Oh also yes this. Specifically, if you can't find a full-time job, temp or get an internship, and feel absolutely no shame in doing so. It's not only non-shameful, it's amazingly valuable.
posted by capricorn at 1:20 PM on December 31, 2019
Oh also yes this. Specifically, if you can't find a full-time job, temp or get an internship, and feel absolutely no shame in doing so. It's not only non-shameful, it's amazingly valuable.
posted by capricorn at 1:20 PM on December 31, 2019
I'm in my thirties now.
- Know that things can change really dramatically. When I started the decade in my early twenties it was the pit of the recession and I really truly thought my career options would be forever constrained because of having to do whatever work I could get at the time. I learned new skills and found a new niche. It took a while but I found work doing what I wanted to do eventually. I lost some people I cared deeply about and thought I would never really feel okay again. I did. I guess what I'm saying is don't despair, at this point in my life I really didn't comprehend how much a year or two can make a huge difference in your circumstances (good or bad) or your perspective.
- The world is very small. You honestly don't know ahead of time which people you meet as vague acquaintances will end up having a large role in your life later on. Be nice to people! Even if you don't know them that well. You just don't know who might end up being your boss/doctor/housemate some day. Also some people do change. There are people I had nothing in common with in high school who I absolutely adore now.
- Don't be afraid of taking reasonable risks. Don't really know anyone at that party or event? go anyway. Kind of want to try living in City X or abroad? Do it. Want to pursue a career in X? Cold solicit (within reason) people in that field to make connections and learn more about it. Think someone you don't know that well is really cool? Tell them and see if they want to schedule a time to hang out.
- Making friends gets harder as you get older so try to take advantage of the relative ease of meeting new people in your twenties and making friends. If you don't already have a set of social hobbies your twenties are a great time to try out some fun new activities.
- Make friends who are older than you. I have been incredibly fortunate and grateful for the middle aged folks I've met who have provided me with a ton of great advice and really actively helped me personally and professionally.
- Start following the news seriously if you don't already. Maybe you're a New York Times person or an Economist person or a local newspaper person. Get in the habit of reading a serious news source every day if you can.
- Get a library card if you don't already have one. Also public libraries are such great resources for all kinds of things.
- Do. Not. Put. Up. With. People. Who. Don't. Treat. You. With. Respect. If I could go back in time this would be the main thing I would tell myself. This refers to romantic relationships, friendships, family members, bosses, jobs that didn't value me, doctors that didn't listen to me.
posted by forkisbetter at 1:34 PM on December 31, 2019 [6 favorites]
- Know that things can change really dramatically. When I started the decade in my early twenties it was the pit of the recession and I really truly thought my career options would be forever constrained because of having to do whatever work I could get at the time. I learned new skills and found a new niche. It took a while but I found work doing what I wanted to do eventually. I lost some people I cared deeply about and thought I would never really feel okay again. I did. I guess what I'm saying is don't despair, at this point in my life I really didn't comprehend how much a year or two can make a huge difference in your circumstances (good or bad) or your perspective.
- The world is very small. You honestly don't know ahead of time which people you meet as vague acquaintances will end up having a large role in your life later on. Be nice to people! Even if you don't know them that well. You just don't know who might end up being your boss/doctor/housemate some day. Also some people do change. There are people I had nothing in common with in high school who I absolutely adore now.
- Don't be afraid of taking reasonable risks. Don't really know anyone at that party or event? go anyway. Kind of want to try living in City X or abroad? Do it. Want to pursue a career in X? Cold solicit (within reason) people in that field to make connections and learn more about it. Think someone you don't know that well is really cool? Tell them and see if they want to schedule a time to hang out.
- Making friends gets harder as you get older so try to take advantage of the relative ease of meeting new people in your twenties and making friends. If you don't already have a set of social hobbies your twenties are a great time to try out some fun new activities.
- Make friends who are older than you. I have been incredibly fortunate and grateful for the middle aged folks I've met who have provided me with a ton of great advice and really actively helped me personally and professionally.
- Start following the news seriously if you don't already. Maybe you're a New York Times person or an Economist person or a local newspaper person. Get in the habit of reading a serious news source every day if you can.
- Get a library card if you don't already have one. Also public libraries are such great resources for all kinds of things.
- Do. Not. Put. Up. With. People. Who. Don't. Treat. You. With. Respect. If I could go back in time this would be the main thing I would tell myself. This refers to romantic relationships, friendships, family members, bosses, jobs that didn't value me, doctors that didn't listen to me.
posted by forkisbetter at 1:34 PM on December 31, 2019 [6 favorites]
I'm 39, so I'm either the oldest millennial or the youngest Gen X-er. 22 was amazing, and it's such a good time generally speaking—you're far enough from wooly youth to feel the strain of working life, and close enough to the transition that you can still palpably feel the world of possibility. Soak it up, it's a gift that pays dividends the earlier you embrace it!
1. The world should probably always feel like it's ending. If there's something that truly and deeply concerns you, you're not nuts—you're paying attention. Don't lose this sense! When I was 22, we were a year out of 9/11 and watching the inevitable endless war and security state coming. Participate in your political communities sooner than later, find that local office to run for, join a phonebank. If I'd started this when I was 22 instead of 32...
2. Unless your goal is teaching, don't go to grad school until you've had a year or two to work in your field (especially if you can step out of academia for some or all of those years). There are obvious exclusions to this, but in general it's rock solid.
3. Talk to your friends and family more. Like, a lot more. Use more of your time off to visit old people instead of mostly seeking new people and places. There's room for both, but old friends... when times are tough, they are a resource that you will urgently mine for support and spirit time and again in your future. Cherish the good ones like they're ore for the richest metal and watch how you forge solid gold over and over.
4. Find a therapist, even if it's just for a monthly hour of long-term talk with a professional. I don't come to therapy until I was eighteen years older than you are now. I make progress, have all these interesting self-discoveries, practice all these simple but effective strategies. And I ask myself, why didn't I start this sooner?
5. Fitness, man. It took me far to long to "listen to my body" (I hate that phrase but, ugh, it works so well). 30 minutes of cardio three times a week? 10,000 steps or similar? A little weight training, yoga, anything? Make this routine a cornerstone that comes before everything else, thank yourself in your future. Same goes for good sleep.
6. Enjoy it all. Good times, bad times, you're gonna have your share. You'll never be anywhere other than where you should be in the moment. You can't change the present, or the past, but the future is yours to manipulate.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 5:18 PM on December 31, 2019 [2 favorites]
1. The world should probably always feel like it's ending. If there's something that truly and deeply concerns you, you're not nuts—you're paying attention. Don't lose this sense! When I was 22, we were a year out of 9/11 and watching the inevitable endless war and security state coming. Participate in your political communities sooner than later, find that local office to run for, join a phonebank. If I'd started this when I was 22 instead of 32...
2. Unless your goal is teaching, don't go to grad school until you've had a year or two to work in your field (especially if you can step out of academia for some or all of those years). There are obvious exclusions to this, but in general it's rock solid.
3. Talk to your friends and family more. Like, a lot more. Use more of your time off to visit old people instead of mostly seeking new people and places. There's room for both, but old friends... when times are tough, they are a resource that you will urgently mine for support and spirit time and again in your future. Cherish the good ones like they're ore for the richest metal and watch how you forge solid gold over and over.
4. Find a therapist, even if it's just for a monthly hour of long-term talk with a professional. I don't come to therapy until I was eighteen years older than you are now. I make progress, have all these interesting self-discoveries, practice all these simple but effective strategies. And I ask myself, why didn't I start this sooner?
5. Fitness, man. It took me far to long to "listen to my body" (I hate that phrase but, ugh, it works so well). 30 minutes of cardio three times a week? 10,000 steps or similar? A little weight training, yoga, anything? Make this routine a cornerstone that comes before everything else, thank yourself in your future. Same goes for good sleep.
6. Enjoy it all. Good times, bad times, you're gonna have your share. You'll never be anywhere other than where you should be in the moment. You can't change the present, or the past, but the future is yours to manipulate.
posted by late afternoon dreaming hotel at 5:18 PM on December 31, 2019 [2 favorites]
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posted by xingcat at 10:25 AM on December 30, 2019 [23 favorites]