Bad Education
December 3, 2019 8:28 AM   Subscribe

How can I improve my grammar, writing, vocabulary, and communication skills without reading textbooks or taking classes?

My education was inadequate and it makes me feel inadequate at times. It is difficult to build when there is a severe lacking in the foundation.

Neither of my parents graduated from highschool. I attended public school, community college, and completed a bridge program to obtain a bachelor's degree. I work in a helping profession without stringent requirements. It relatively easy to become qualified. Requirements for writing were minimal. I did very little writing and the writing I was responsible for was not graded or taught at a high level.

I was directionless in highschool. I didn't take the SAT. It was not on my radar. Nobody mentioned it. I went straight to community college.

I took the GRE this summer and scored a 158 in verbal reasoning, a 139 in quantitative reasoning, and a 4 in writing. I didn't study. My math scores are dismal. I am middle-aged and haven't taken a math class in decades and guessed in the quant section. I think I'm done with test taking. I don't think I have the memory power to complete a grad program. I'm more interested in increasing my vocabulary, writing, communicating and overall understanding and knowledge.

My critical thinking and connecting dots is lacking because my foundation and retention is poor. I prefer classes because this is where I think I gain the most but classes aren't realistic at this time. The catalog for community education at my community college is not that great. I have looked at some online beginner writing classes that cost money. Have you improved your writing and grammar without a big expense? I'm interested in knowing what to read and what to do to improve my writing and communication. I have the Elements of Style. I have read books and magazine articles my entire life and still my vocabulary and communication skills have pretty much stayed at the same level. I often find myself grasping for words and failing to communicate effectively.

This could be a human relations question because I feel bad about my lack of intelligence and background and the fact that I can't communicate well. That's life in the big city and I can't change that I didn't go to prep school or go to a good college or have educated parents or whatever but it plagues me at times. Because I read a lot (but don't retain as much as I would like) I feel more inadequate when the columnists and authors I read, who are sometimes half my age, have beautiful writing abilities and topnotch educations. Then I start feeling bad that my kids attend public school (highschool and a state university) and their prospects and education will be limited because of this and who their parents are. I feel like a dope for continuing the cycle.

Maybe my feelings of inadequacy is a midlife crisis. Maybe because of my age I have come to a reckoning of my abilities and it upsets me and I feel doomed to mediocrity. I feel bad about my job and my degree. I had a fleeting desire to go to grad school (to "better" myself and to challenge myself) but I'm not sure I have the memory power to complete the program or the math skills to get in.

What are some ways for a middle-aged adult to up their game in the smarts department without going back to school? Maybe I'm reading wrong. Maybe there are things I need to read to gain a better foundation. I know there are different ways at looking and understanding and I don't know these ways. Any ideas and advice appreciated.
posted by loveandhappiness to Education (28 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
 
the fact that I can't communicate well.

I find myself curious the extent to which this is true vs. a self-esteem thing, as you acknowledge to some extent in your second to last paragraph. Your ask is perfectly clearly written. There is one grammatical error that may be a typo and no other evidence of anything lacking in your grammar, writing, or vocabulary that I noticed.
posted by less of course at 8:42 AM on December 3, 2019 [39 favorites]


(Sorry, I hate "ask" as a substitute for "question" but we're on ask.metafilter so it seemed locally appropriate.)
posted by less of course at 8:43 AM on December 3, 2019


This could be a human relations question because I feel bad about my lack of intelligence and background and the fact that I can't communicate well.
Yup, it's that. You communicate perfectly well, based on your writing in this question. The best way to improve your writing, grammar, and vocabulary is to read a lot, and you already do that. Your verbal GRE score was above average and probably sufficient to get you into any grad program in the country, and your math GRE score was below average, which is fine, because it doesn't sound like you've done math in a while. If you needed to get a higher math GRE score, you could work on it, but it sounds like it would be a waste of time. You got a college degree as a first-generation college student from an educationally-disadvantaged background, which is a real achievement. You are fine. You are perfectly smart. This is about your feelings about yourself, not about your intelligence.

It can be fun to jump in and learn stuff as an adult. MOOCs like Coursera or edX can work for that, or you can get a syllabus or list of great books and read your way through it. But the reason to do that would be that it's a fun project, not to fix some deficiency in yourself. You're fine. There's nothing to fix.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 8:49 AM on December 3, 2019 [26 favorites]


Just read more. Read a variety of well written books. (Don't beat yourself up if a well-reviewed work isn't your cup of tea, either.) There's so much incredible popular history out there, for instance; and reading it improves both linguistic ability and general knowledge. There's never been an easier time to be a reader. So much is easily available from free e-book libraries -- you don't even need to leave the house or spend money to get great books.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:53 AM on December 3, 2019 [8 favorites]


I would actually recommend Toastmasters. The obvious skill provided is speaking, but so much more of the work is writing and organizing your thoughts. My remembrance from having done it about a decade ago is that there are specific types of speeches that call on different skill sets that you have to check off before getting to a certain level - if you ignore the achievement part of that, there isn't any requirement to do these speeches in order, and you can drill down on ones that hit the areas where you feel weak.

The nice thing is that you get objective feedback from your local group without having to pay for classes (I think there was a nominal fee), and it's a low-stress way to work on writing about things you care about.
posted by SoundInhabitant at 9:19 AM on December 3, 2019 [11 favorites]


Read more! Read whatever you enjoy reading. And then read coverage of a current event from opposing news sources. Spend some time noticing the language each news source uses, what they focus on about the event, and consider why that might be. Ask yourself what's missing.

I'm going to suggest that not only is your self-perception off, but your perception of others may be highly inflated! Most people are idiots, even if they're able to read and write well. We're trained monkeys, most of the time. Most people are mediocre. It can be really disappointing to find out that most people didn't get where there are through a meritocracy, but through privilege and connections and, occasionally, luck.
posted by vitabellosi at 9:23 AM on December 3, 2019 [7 favorites]


You might want to try out this Coursera course:
Learning How to Learn
posted by needled at 9:29 AM on December 3, 2019


I have a master's degree, am an extremely strong writer, and generally test well... and I got a 4 on the writing portion of my most recent GRE. The folks who develop these standardized tests are looking for formulaic writing. A higher score doesn't mean you're a better writer.

If you were really a dismal writer, I'm not sure you would be asking this question in the first place. The fact that you appreciate beautiful writing means that you have some kind of aptitude for language.

Creative writing might be therapeutic for you. Your voice is unique and worthy of being heard (and frankly, anything you'd write is probably a lot more interesting than the thoughts of yet another privileged Ivy Leaguer). Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird might be a good place to start.
posted by toastedcheese at 9:30 AM on December 3, 2019 [7 favorites]


ive been reading a bunch of cover letters for professional positions where writing and verbal communication comprise the vast majority of the work . . . and most are not as clear and well written as yours.

aside from the confidence thing, vitabellosi has it, read lots, everything, all the time.
posted by Exceptional_Hubris at 9:34 AM on December 3, 2019 [6 favorites]


Seconding SoundInhabitant on Toastmasters. It's a great way to work on your speaking, listening, and thinking skills and to help others with theirs. You can try different clubs to find one that feels like a good fit for you.

Seriously, we out here on the Internet don't know how much time you spent writing this question, but it really doesn't look like your writing skills are a problem. Maybe what you need is the satisfaction of getting applause for your work, and applauding others in turn, while giving and getting useful and kind feedback. A Toastmasters club would help there. It's also a good line on a resume if you'd like another way to note your professional development.
posted by asperity at 9:42 AM on December 3, 2019


Two grammatical challenges you passed with flying colors:

You correctly wrote "feel bad" and not "feel badly" in several places, which many people misuse.

Your paragraphing is logical and sequential; paragraphs break in all the right places.

Constant and deep reading of great fiction and non-fiction would offer the best exposure to excellent writing.

I don't know if the online grammerly.com would help. Maybe others can weigh in.

Check out online courses of English as a Second Language, which teach English grammar pretty efficiently.
posted by Elsie at 9:56 AM on December 3, 2019


Let’s start with the factual bits. Your literacy-related GRE scores are above average; and that’s comparing yourself to the average test-taker, who is a college senior that wants to go to grad school and has probably studied. In other words, you’re comparing yourself to the folks you consider yourself way behind and are more than holding your own. Don’t worry about the math; that’s low because you don’t use it, and it doesn’t sound like a more math-heavy path is one that interests you anyhow. Your question follows a clear logical path throughout. You write well and except for the fact that you keep calling yourself inadequate, you don’t actually sound inadequate.

Now the emotional bit: I’m someone who has jumped a bunch of socioeconomic classes between childhood and adulthood, as you have, and your question hits me right in the heart. You’re doing amazing. I bet your kids and clients think so too. Do some self-improvement because it feels good to learn new things, not to try to imitate people who truly don’t know half of what you do. Having just barely touched that echelon, I can say that they know WAY less than you might guess. For real, don’t give them a second thought, because they aren’t giving a second thought to you.

Okay, actual recommendations: The Toastmasters and MOOC recommendations are good. Reading some books outside your comfort zone, whatever that is, is good. Listen to some podcasts or Great Courses (classes on tape) about a topic that feels like an educational hole for you (topics I’ve learned about like this for similar reasons: tons of history, architecture, art history, opera, shark biology, Shakespeare, Greek mythology). You mention wanting to improve your writing and mention that you read a lot, but do you write? Write lots more. Write a poem, a letter to the editor, a short fictional story, do a NaNoWriMo. Add a chapter to a book you like, shamelessly imitating the writing style. Can’t imitate it? Find some reviews to pick out what makes that writing style unique and try again. Again you don’t HAVE to do any of this to be enough all on your own. But I bet it will feel good.
posted by tchemgrrl at 10:04 AM on December 3, 2019 [7 favorites]


Most of us are mediocre at most things. I suggest trying to think of your efforts at self-improvement as something that you do for your own benefit and enjoyment, not as 'catching up' with others. Doing something better than you did it before is a concrete goal that you can actually achieve. Conversely, there will always be others who started earlier / practiced more / have more natural talent than you, so there's always going to be someone you haven't caught up with - don't get on that treadmill.

Just 'reading more' or 'writing more' will absolutely help, but without focus and structure, improvement is likely to be slow and piecemeal.

Pick one thing (or at most two things) to work on at a time. If you're trying to simultaneously improve vocab and grammar and written style and understanding, retention, maths skills, and and and... you'll be unfocused and end up getting nowhere.

A helpful thing to start with would be Learning How To Learn (this is not the only such guide, but the course is free on Coursera, and if you want more detail on the topics covered, I believe the accompanying book is generally well-reviewed). This will give you some useful tools and help to improve your study skills. I know you said 'no classes', but this is free, somewhat flexible re timing and has no enrollment requirements, so it might work for you.

Another helpful thing to work on is the way that you read. Being able to read closely and critically may or may not improve your communication skills, but it will help you to think more clearly and deeply about the things that you read, which in turn will help you to better understand and retain what you have read. It's extremely helpful for anyone trying to educate themselves or just trying to engage more deeply with the things they read.

This is an example of a short framework for reading non-fiction books; this is a similar but slightly more detailed guide (it relates to reading philosophy but is generally applicable), and this is a brief guide to close reading of fiction or poetry (with examples based on a Robert Frost poem). Other examples are available online, often on university websites for students who may not have been taught or otherwise picked up these skills (for example).

Try working through a book that interests you, with reference to these guides, noting down your thoughts on the questions and issues they raise. It's probably easiest to start with a relatively short non-fiction book. It'll take a long time, lots of note-taking and probably some re-reading, but it gets easier with practice.

Once you've worked through the book, you're likely to have opinions on it and to know (and be able to explain) why you have those opinions - try writing a review of the book and post it on Goodreads, Amazon or somewhere similar. This will help you to structure your views on the book, practice communicating them clearly, retain what you've learned, and give you a summary to refer back to when (as happens to all of us) time has passed and you're struggling to remember what the book was about and what you thought of it. Over time, looking back at your early reviews will also help you to see the improvement in your writing and understanding.

Repeat until you're reasonably comfortable with close reading. It'll take a while, but most worthwhile things do.
posted by inire at 10:27 AM on December 3, 2019 [4 favorites]


For what it's worth, the GRE essay section is graded by AI, and the algorithms are deeply flawed and reflect all sorts of racial and gender bias. Nobody should take GRE essay scores seriously. They're a textbook example of algorithmic bias.
posted by ArbitraryAndCapricious at 10:32 AM on December 3, 2019 [1 favorite]


I'm a real, get paid, that's all I do to support myself writer. I also had an extremely mediocre education at a lackluster religious high school and was the first person in my family to graduate from college. Ain't nothing wrong with a state school, so please don't let your children feel inadequate about that!

Do I wish I'd had a more rigorous education and not been so intellectually lazy? All the time. But the problem you have is not a writing problem. Your writing is fine. It's also fine to want to improve, and there are a lot of great suggestions upthread. Personally I set little challenges for myself. Last year it was reading all of a certain author. This year I'll probably continue studying a second language. Pick something you like and enjoy what you learn!
posted by 2soxy4mypuppet at 10:35 AM on December 3, 2019 [1 favorite]


I currently work as a communication professional/writer and by far the best thing you can do to improve your written communication is to find a writers' group. Any professional writing you're reading out in the world went through at least one round of edits, so a second pair of eyes or ears is always going to help you tighten up your communication.

I only write non-fiction and I found that most folks getting together for writing groups tended to be fiction or creative writers. But I did end up finding an online group of 4-5 other people in my field and once a month one person would submit a piece and we would all read and send in notes and discuss via chat or email. This was extremely, extremely helpful for improving my own writing and was also free and I made friends with the other folks.

I took the GRE a few years ago and did horrifically initially on the math section (lowest 10% which is even worse than just randomly guessing). After about 3-4 months of hard study (I really liked the Five Pound Book of GRE Math Problems) I brought the score up to decent levels and then promptly forgot everything I had studied because you probably will not use any of the math from the GRE ever again, even in quantitative fields.

I really love school and only wish I had more time and money to keep going back. I've really liked some of the MOOCs that are available for free, some of which you can pay a small amount to get a certification of completion. I personally really like Coursera.
posted by forkisbetter at 10:37 AM on December 3, 2019 [1 favorite]


Echoing the others above in that it seems like you're already solidly competent at communication and are already taking the steps you would need to take in order to improve.

I read The Transitive Vampire by Karen Elizabeth Gordon recently and it was both incredibly informative and a delightful read. She gives a lot of great description of different grammatical concepts as well as how to use them; she even includes examples of sentences that might look like one thing but are actually something else. Super great, and she's written other books on grammar that might also be worth checking out.

I've also heard great things about Eats, Shoots & Leaves as well, but I haven't actually read it, so I can't verify it.
posted by helloimjennsco at 10:39 AM on December 3, 2019 [2 favorites]


Ok I have really strong feelings about this.

“This could be a human relations question because I feel bad about my lack of intelligence and background”

This is true, except for the bit about intelligence, which you don’t seem to be lacking.

“ Then I start feeling bad that my kids attend public school (highschool and a state university)”

Please don’t. This is bullshit that elitist assholes try to sell you to justify their own social standing. Your kids are getting a fine education, and there are extremely important social benefits both to them and to the larger community from public education.

I grew up in the statistically-worst school district in the state of Ohio. Worst test scores, highest teen pregnancy rate, multiple classmates on death row, etc. I was an average student, who then went to a big state college, where I continued to get average grades. Then I took the GRE, and my verbal score was in the 98th percentile. So verbal achievement isn’t dependent on quality education by any means. (One of my HS classmates also has an EGOT, which is a nice rejoinder when someone criticizes my school’s quality.)

When I was in law school, I had a classmate who dropped out of high school, then got her GED a few years later, then went to community college, and finally took night classes at a second-tire public college to get her BA. In law school, she was the fifth-ranked student in our class.

So yeah, I reject the notion that fancy education is linked to intelligence. It’s quite possible to be remarkably intelligent with your background, and your post indicates that you are likely of pretty high intelligence. You write clearly, your grammar is good, and to the extent that there’s a flaw, it’s that your tone merely lacks confidence.

The other thing to keep in mind when you’re reading published writers is that every published writer is edited heavily. Speech, even seemingly extemporaneous speech, is often written, edited, and rehearsed beforehand. It makes a difference. Next time you read something you think is well-written, look at the author’s Twitter and you’ll realize that it’s not just natural gifts and expensive schools at work.

So that’s my advice: plan what you want to say, then edit it and rehearse it. And ditch the inferiority complex; it’s not appropriate. ;)
posted by kevinbelt at 10:44 AM on December 3, 2019 [11 favorites]


I too wonder if there is a conflict between what you can do, do know, and what you think you can't do and don't know. However...

...learning is hard work. If you missed out in your earlier education, you will have to put in hard work and much time to learn what you might have learned then. It will take sacrifices. It will mean doing things you don't like doing.

It may be easier when one is a child, when the society is focused on giving children opportunity, time, guidance to learn. What else is there for a child to do but learn? It's very hard as an adult to learn. Adults don't have that concentrated structure to learn that we provide children. It can be done and is being done, but there is no shortcut this site can give you.
posted by tmdonahue at 10:49 AM on December 3, 2019


Like others, I think your writing here is clear and far more readable than 95% of the things I read from people with fancy letters after their names. That's not invalidate your feelings of inadequacy, just to point out that impostor syndrome is real and pernicious. And all of us, myself included, suffer from it at times.

On a practical level, do you have a public library nearby? Go hang out in the 808 section. That's where all the "How To Write" books live. I am particularly fond of Reading Like a Writer by Francine Prose, although she focuses on fiction rather than essays. But it's the most accessible introduction to close reading I've ever come across, and she breaks down passages into sentences so you can really see what's happening and why. It's like someone lifting off the back of a grandfather clock and showing you all the cogs and gears that make it go.

Also, please, please, don't think you are perpetuating a cycle of neglect by sending your kids to public schools! A couple years ago I did a study on the impact of adolescent school experience on late-life cognition. We looked at all kinds of things like race, sex, segregation, poverty, school district, number of advanced courses taken, final educational achievement, occupation, personal medical history. All of those were significant in varying degrees. You know the one factor that had absolutely no impact on cognition? Type of high school.
posted by basalganglia at 10:54 AM on December 3, 2019 [2 favorites]


Is there something you really want to study in grad school? Or do you just want to go to prove yourself to yourself? You express yourself very well!

I had some of the best teachers I ever had at the local community college, especially the English professors! You might be pleasantly surprised. You will probably also discover that many of the other students cannot write a coherent sentence, let alone a paragraph. I work with students at a state university and am often appalled by their weak writing skills. After the community college and a state college I ended up in grad school at an Ivy and even there quite a few students could not write well- I worked as a writing tutor there.

Have you ever participated in a book group? Your local bookstore or library can probably help you find one. Discussing books and ideas will broaden your horizons.
posted by mareli at 11:02 AM on December 3, 2019 [1 favorite]


You'd be shocked by how many people get through fancy prep schools and colleges without learning how to write well. Public vs private school isn't the great divide you may think it is. Many private school kids who go to fancy colleges succeed because they're already connected into the elite classes that get one another into great jobs and opportunities due to social networks and nepotism.

As you already have read, your writing is fine. There are some good suggestions for how to improve them above if you want to take things to the next level. Many elite universities also put up free online classes you can take, for example, Harvard's. They're not alone, many institutions do this. I think a lot of this is self-esteem and also the discomfort that comes from having to live in a system that is unfair and is quick to dismiss people who grew up in economically or socially difficult circumstances. Some of the most brilliant people I've met have been high school dropouts who taught themselves independently and can intellectually outmatch people who have prestigious degrees. You don't have to pigeonhole yourself unfairly just because you weren't born into the elite class. Your kids are not without opportunities.
posted by quince at 11:50 AM on December 3, 2019 [3 favorites]


If you're having problems with reading retention, I would suggest jotting down notes while you read. If I'm reading anything non-fiction, especially work and policy documents, I *need* to take notes in order to remember what I've just read. The notes aren't even for reference; when I look back at them they're usually just chicken scratch with some crappy diagrams thrown in for good measure. But the act of writing and reading simultaneously improves my retention substantially.
posted by thebots at 12:41 PM on December 3, 2019


Hey, listen, I am a professional copyeditor and proofreader, have taught those things at a university, and I can tell you that you wrote this question much better than about 80 percent of what I read for a living. I frequently can't believe that the people whose work I'm reading got published. There's lots of great advice in here about judging yourself too harshly so all I will do is echo it. I don't consider myself very intelligent, because I had disastrous scores on standardized tests and every IQ test I have ever taken was embarrassingly bad, but then I read some of the stuff I'm given for work and I'm like, hey, I guess I'm not that bad after all.

Regarding the schools your kids are going to--I had a similar background, and let me tell you: as a proofreader, I've read behind some folks with super fancy elite school educations, and they did unbelievably shoddy jobs. They figure 'cause they got an MFA from Super Elitist Snob U they're qualified to be editors without ever having done the work of learning the trade, and they're awful. Your question was well-written, clear, and followed a good structure. I'd be happy to read writing like that.

I would Nth Toastmasters--even though I got forced into it, the program ended up helping me tremendously professionally, and it gives you a chance to be around other people in similar circumstances, which can be really helpful. As far as how-to books on writing, toss Elements of Style and pick up Diana Hacker's A Writer's Reference (my fave) or if that's too technical, the Gregg Reference Manual. They're great resources for basics like grammar and spelling, essential usage issues that people run across most often (things like subject-verb agreement, order of adjectives in a string, that kinda crud).

And yes, read all the things. Take notes if you're having comprehension problems or read in an app that lets you make notes on things, or bookmark passages you want to study. Get a journal and just start writing, join a writer's group, either one that does quick writing exercises when they meet or one that reviews and critiques each other's works. You really are doing great.
posted by kitten kaboodle at 2:17 PM on December 3, 2019 [1 favorite]


In lieu of a writer's group, you might consider dipping your toe into fan fiction. It takes a while, but if you keep Just Fucking Writing Something (and, true story, it's functionally impossible that it'd be the worst thing in the fandom unless there are, like 3 stories ever written in it, in which case you're much more likely to get "someone else is writing in this fandom! Yay!" Responses) then it becomes possible to build up a trade-and-grade beta/editing circle, giving you a chance to get and give feedback in a way that doesn't require a commitment to being at a particular place at a particular time.
posted by DebetEsse at 2:19 PM on December 3, 2019 [3 favorites]


As others have said, your writing skills seem to be well above average, judging by your question. You have nothing to be ashamed about as far as that goes. This line particularly resonated with me:

Because I read a lot (but don't retain as much as I would like) I feel more inadequate when the columnists and authors I read, who are sometimes half my age, have beautiful writing abilities and topnotch educations.

As an employed college literature professor (who recently realized he is middle-aged, and who did a PhD program at what many people would consider a "top notch" university), I feel exactly the same way. I constantly read half-my-age internet columnists who make me feel like a barely-literate chump. The important thing to realize is that this is an illusion. You tend to judge your own writing abilities by what you can churn out on first draft, but you judge others' writing abilities by their (heavily-revised) published work.
posted by demonic winged headgear at 3:34 PM on December 3, 2019 [2 favorites]


Expanding on thebots' suggestion to take notes, some of what you might learn in a writing class is how to use structure and planning. I mean stuff like notecards, and outlines, and diagrams. These aren't so important for small projects, but they can keep a big project organized.

Also, think about doing some research where you can. Learning a little more than the absolute minimum about a topic can help in lots of ways.
posted by SemiSalt at 6:02 PM on December 3, 2019


Response by poster: Thank you all for the very kind and generous answers. There are so many helpful suggestions. This has to be one of the best bunch of suggestions and advice that I have received on AskMe. The book, website, course, and note-taking suggestions are appreciated and I am sincerley interested in exploring them all.

And thank you for a dose of reality. I realize that I am having a pity party and letting my ego get the best of me. It is true that I can't compare myself to others who have completely different backgrounds and financial circumstances. I am also happy for my kids and their schools, which are great. They are having good experiences and are curious and independent thinkers. I don't need to complain about my feelings of inadequacy when time is precious and I could be doing something creative and fun, and practicing my writing and book reviewing (I do love Goodreads) and communication skills (maybe I will get the guts to join Toastmasters).

Thank you again for taking the time to answer my question. I am feeling more optimistic and excited about putting in effort to improve my writing and learning--- for the fun of it.
posted by loveandhappiness at 7:22 PM on December 3, 2019 [7 favorites]


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