Songs for a dead friendship

March 8, 2006 12:25 PM

Songs for a dead friendship

I've been seeing lots of requests for breakup music on this site. I'm curious about songs for the end of friendship. Very little comes to mind for me: Elliot Smith's "You're Just Somebody I Used to Know," and Bettie Serveert's "What Friends?"
Losing an old friend has been just as painful for me as any romantic breakup I've ever been through, but it has felt just as right and important. I know that this has to be a common enough of an experience for there to be decent songlist.

posted by Sara Anne to media & arts (53 comments total)

"Toast to the Life-Long Friends" by Duotang comes to mind, although it's more about a drifting-apart than a clear-cut end.
posted by Johnny Assay at 12:29 PM on March 8, 2006

Dandy Warhols, "We Used To Be Friends"
posted by justkevin at 12:30 PM on March 8, 2006

Amanda Marshall's I'll Be Okay contains some romance-specific lyrics, but, overall, is a good song about getting to a healthy place after ending a relationship.
posted by WCityMike at 12:34 PM on March 8, 2006

And, by the way, I sincerely sympathize. I've been going through a similar thing recently, and I know what you mean about it being just as bad, or worse, than a romantic relationship ending.
posted by WCityMike at 12:35 PM on March 8, 2006

A close friendship of mine came to a difficult end last year, and yep, it was as painful as a romantic breakup in a lot of ways. During that initial period of rage after all the shit suddenly went down, I found myself listening to ELO's "Evil Woman" on the stairmaster at the gym an awful lot, even though it's not specifically about a friendship ending.

I'm sure there are others, though... I'll have to look at some playlists and get back to you.
posted by scody at 12:38 PM on March 8, 2006

The Mountain Goats song "Game Shows Touch Our Lives" includes the line "People say friends don't destroy one another, what do they know about friends?" which always reminds me of various toxic friendships I've had...
posted by bonheur at 12:40 PM on March 8, 2006

"Do You Still Hate Me?" by Jawbreaker
posted by camcgee at 12:43 PM on March 8, 2006

Half the songs on Quasi's Featuring Birds album, especially "I Never Want to See You Again."
posted by zonkout at 12:43 PM on March 8, 2006

"The Last of Me" by Bree Sharp:

Once there was a time when I / Could say I was your friend and you were mine / But all that's history / I'll never know the reason why / You thought that you could hang me out to dry / For everyone to see / Did you think that I'd lay down? / That I wouldn't sweat it? / Did you think I'd keep it down? / You can forget it
posted by Svenny at 12:44 PM on March 8, 2006

"Can't stand me now" - The Libertines. The ultimate.
posted by unSane at 12:47 PM on March 8, 2006

Indigo Girls - Love's Recovery
posted by Pollomacho at 1:00 PM on March 8, 2006

There's a song on the new Cardigans album called "Losing A Friend".
posted by Capn at 1:00 PM on March 8, 2006

"The Whisperers" by TheThe

Well, and again TheThe's "December Sunlight".

If you need to be angry, I'd probably go with Muse's "Hypermusic" from their "Origin Of Symmetry" CD.
posted by smallerdemon at 1:05 PM on March 8, 2006

The Who's "How Many Friends" or Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Am I Losing."
posted by scratch at 1:09 PM on March 8, 2006

Kissing The Lipless by The Shins. Has both angry and wistful.

But you've got too much to wear on your sleeves,
It has too much to do with me,
And secretly I want to bury in the yard,
The grey remains of a friendship scarred
posted by Jon Mitchell at 1:10 PM on March 8, 2006

Also by the Mountain Goats, "No Children".

Though that's maybe a bit too snarky.
posted by dmd at 1:14 PM on March 8, 2006

'Positively Fourth Street,' Bob Dylan
posted by box at 1:18 PM on March 8, 2006

Ane Brun - Where Friend Rhymes With End

Friend, you left me in the end
I guess I knew it all along
I guess I expected this song
And it is as it appeared
Like a fist in my stomach and swallowing tears
Your song turned out a sad one
Just as I feared
posted by heatherann at 1:20 PM on March 8, 2006

Pretty Girls Make Graves - If You Hate Your Friends, You're Not Alone
posted by togdon at 1:22 PM on March 8, 2006

Morrissey - We Hate it When Our Friends Become Successful
posted by punkfloyd at 1:23 PM on March 8, 2006

Circle by Edie Brickell and New Bohemians
posted by grateful at 1:24 PM on March 8, 2006

Friends by Jody Watley:

Have you ever been stabbed in the back
By someone you thought was really cool
Did they steal your lover
Or was it money
Or was it lies they told
Strangers just disguised as your friends
Never again cause now you know

That friends will let you down
Friends won't be around
When you need them most where are your friends
....
posted by phoenixc at 1:29 PM on March 8, 2006

Rollins Band, Liar.
posted by mrbill at 1:34 PM on March 8, 2006

Not really where you are now, but I've been loving "Friends Forever" by the Old 97's, which has had me thinking about the good friends I've had, and the path's we've taken away from one another.
posted by Good Brain at 1:36 PM on March 8, 2006

Tori Amos's "Bells For Her" is probably about the end of a friendship, but I've always read some sexual ambiguity into the lyrics, so who knows?
posted by nebulawindphone at 1:44 PM on March 8, 2006

“Absent Friend” by Bark Psychosis.
posted by hilker at 1:47 PM on March 8, 2006

"Friends" by Mary J. Blige.
posted by dmo at 1:49 PM on March 8, 2006

Oh, I got another good one. "Disappointed" by Public Image Limited.

Disappointed
Promises
Promises
Old tired
Worn out second hand sentences
One thing
With you is certain
You’re a really sad person
So sad

Disappointed a few people
When friendship reared its ugly head
Disappointed a few people
Well, isn't that what friends are for
What are friends for

You
You're just a really bad person
Who won't
You won't listen to anyone
No not you
With those half moon eyelids
Just babbling on
Your useless defences
So sad
posted by punkfloyd at 1:50 PM on March 8, 2006

Cake's Friend Is A Four-Letter Word, if you're feeling angry and bitter.
posted by Miss Bitchy Pants at 1:54 PM on March 8, 2006

"Falling Out" by Ween
posted by Atom12 at 2:02 PM on March 8, 2006

"So Long, Frank Lloyd Wright" by Paul Simon (it helps to know that Art Garfunkel trained as an architect).
posted by bac at 2:16 PM on March 8, 2006

"Missing" by Everything But The Girl is the most touching song ever about lost friendship.

I step off the train
I'm walking down your street again
And past your door
But you don't live there anymore
It's years since you've been there
And now you've disappeared somewhere
like outer space
You've found some better place

And I miss you
Like the deserts miss the rain

Could you be dead?
You always were two steps ahead
of everyone
We'd walk behind while you would run
I look up at your house
and I can almost hear you shout
down to me
Where I always used to be

And I miss you
Like the deserts miss the rain

Back on the train
I ask 'why did I come again'
Can I confess
I've been hanging 'round your old address
And the years have proved
To offer nothing since you moved
You're long gone
But I can't move on

And I miss you (ohh)
Like the deserts miss the rain
posted by essexjan at 2:20 PM on March 8, 2006

Wire, "Used To."

"Does the pain remain when the head is turned and the body walks away? You used to know. Does nausea ensue when you chance upon a memory of someone you used to know?"
posted by transona5 at 2:25 PM on March 8, 2006

I came here to say Kissing the Lipless by The Shins.

Perhaps Books Written for Girls by Camera Obscura.

Now my door has swollen from the rain.
God knows we'll never see her face again.
People get shattered in many ways.

They can disappoint you.
When you see through
Their perfect smile.
posted by ludwig_van at 2:27 PM on March 8, 2006

Two Dar Williams songs come to mind... If I Wrote You and Spring Street.
posted by weston at 3:01 PM on March 8, 2006

I always thought Missing by Everything But The Girl was about a lost love...but I suppose it could be about friendship too.

On my drive home just now I heard Friend of Mine by Jelleestone f. Nelly Furtado:

You never was a friend of mine
You tried to deceive me
You never was a friend of mine
You didn't believe me
posted by phoenixc at 3:03 PM on March 8, 2006

Zero 7's "Speed Dial #2" probably serves better as a break-up song, but I think still works in either case.
posted by emelenjr at 3:06 PM on March 8, 2006

It is not about a friendship ending, per se, but King Crimson's One Time seems to fit:

One eye goes laughing
one eye goes crying
through the trials and trying of one life
one hand is tied,
one step gets behind
in one breath we're dying

i've been waiting for the sun to come up
waiting for the showers to stop
waiting for the penny to drop
one time
and i've been standing in a cloud of plans
standing on the shifting sands
hoping for an open hand
one time

posted by oflinkey at 3:11 PM on March 8, 2006

If bitterness is what you're going for, (as opposed to wistful, sad remembrance) I second Bob Dylan's "Positively Fourth Street" and would like to add "Hüsker Dü's "Never Talking to You Again." Both feature fantastic lyrics and biting deliveries.
posted by after_hours at 3:25 PM on March 8, 2006

My friendships never explode, they just sort of dissipate as we become geographically distant, or when I realize that, hey, I've been the one setting everything up and they never call me so screw em.
posted by mecran01 at 3:35 PM on March 8, 2006

Ben Harper: Roses From My Friends
posted by nadawi at 3:44 PM on March 8, 2006

Guster, Happier - very bitter... and cathartic for handling the unhappy dissolution of an unequal friendship

The Fray, Over My Head (Cable Car) - Mostly bitter/blowout, but a little wistful

The Thorns, Blue
("It's hard to sing with someone/ Who won't sing with you/ Give all of my mercy/Give all of my heart/ Never thought I'd miss you/ That I'd miss you so much/ But you brought me through/And you made me feel")

The Weakerthans, Sounds Familiar - more about growing apart, and accepting that. Very sweet and sad.
posted by nelleish at 4:50 PM on March 8, 2006

Whoops, that last link should be Sounds Familiar

P.S. Thanks for asking this question, it's something I've been dealing with lately too
posted by nelleish at 4:52 PM on March 8, 2006

Just today I heard "Stay" by Dirtie Blonde on the wonderful local radio station XPN:

Oh, I guess I've really done it
You won't look me in the eye
No, don't tell me that it's over
I won't cry, but I will wither up inside
And never be the same
And I'm the only one to blame

It's more of a breakup song, I guess, but also works for a the breaking of a friendship.
posted by thebabelfish at 7:19 PM on March 8, 2006

This is the Last Day of our Acquaintance, by Sinead O'Connor.
This is a song about a love/partnership gone bad, but could still apply to a friendship-sorta love. Give it a listen, anyway. Her voice is so melancholy/bitter and should fit the mood. FWIW, I offer my condolences; I've been there, unfortunately.
posted by theperfectcrime at 7:34 PM on March 8, 2006

I like Prince's "Old Friends 4 Sale". But then, I would.
posted by anildash at 8:51 PM on March 8, 2006

L.S.D. (isn't what it used to be) by Toasted Heretic
posted by dinah at 9:16 PM on March 8, 2006

Cranberries "No Need to Argue"
posted by hermitosis at 9:22 PM on March 8, 2006

Wow, you guys are out of it.

"My Life In The Knife Trade" by Boysetsfire.
posted by baphomet at 10:57 PM on March 8, 2006

No "Why Can't We Be Friends" by Smash Mouth or War?
posted by wackybrit at 11:31 PM on March 8, 2006

"Crumbling Down" by Polvo.
posted by saladin at 4:28 AM on March 9, 2006

"Fake Friends" by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts:

You got nothin' to lose
You don't lose
When you lose fake friends

Not one of her classics, but a good f*** you song.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 7:39 AM on March 9, 2006

The Brilliant Green - Maybe We Could Go Back to Then

I'm so sad I could cry, though I know, there's nothing I can do
You chose red and I chose blue, did what we had to
But I'm still missing you
posted by emmling at 8:48 AM on March 10, 2006