Is my GF trying to tell me something?

March 8, 2006 5:51 AM

SuspicionFilter: Is my girlfriend sending me signals?

For the past few days my gf has been telling me about how afraid she is of going to her doctor for her regular exam. She has also been telling me about her recent problems with frequent and urgent urination. Just tonight she made me do a google search for frequent urination and insisted that she knew it wasn't a bladder infection. Am I crazy or is she trying to tell me something?

posted by anonymous to health & fitness (16 comments total)

I think she's trying to tell you that she's scared, and she needs some support and reassurance. The best thing you can do is encourage her to get checked out and to point out that those symptoms are not so unusual and are often caused by perfectly fixable things.

Also, looking up symptoms on the internet is a great way to convince yourself you have something terminal and horrific, no matter what your symptoms are.
posted by Decani at 6:04 AM on March 8, 2006

She might be afraid that she's pregnant, and wondering how you'll take it if that's the case. Ask her.

Most likely it's just a UTI, but no way to know for sure without seeing the doctor. Which she should do, and you should encourage her not to skip out on it.
posted by Gator at 6:04 AM on March 8, 2006

Also... if you're thinking she's angsting about infidelity-caused STDs... well, maybe, maybe not. But she still has to go to the docs.
posted by Decani at 6:05 AM on March 8, 2006

Have you tried saying something along the lines of "honey, is there something more you're worried about? Because if there is, please know that you can talk to me about anything." That way, whether she's trying to tell you something, or is just worried, or whatever, she'll know you're there for her.
posted by boomchicka at 6:18 AM on March 8, 2006

Also, just going to the exam isn't enough. She has to tell her doctor about the problem, otherwise she'll assume everything's fine. For many people that's harder than it sounds.

When she said she knew it wasn't a bladder infection, did you ask her how she knew that?
posted by lampoil at 6:36 AM on March 8, 2006

I would second boomchicka's advice. If I were worried there was something wrong or that I was having a pregnancy scare, knowing that my boyfriend/spouse was concerned and at least willing to talk about it would make me feel better about bringing up a topic that may lead to 'one of those conversations'.
posted by Cyrie at 7:06 AM on March 8, 2006

Ditto boomchicka. This sounds like a case where everybody's anxiety is building on itself. I know a couple whose relationship suffered some serious damage when she planned him a surprise party -- he knew that she wasn't telling him something, didn't know what, and they both got increasingly wierd and edgy. She's probably got the normal anxiety caused by doctor visits and excessive googling for symptoms. That makes her act edgy, which makes you act edgy, which makes her even more freaked out.
posted by selfmedicating at 7:54 AM on March 8, 2006

Could she be scared that she's diabetic?

Oh, and another ditto for Boomchicka.
posted by Pollomacho at 8:48 AM on March 8, 2006

That makes her act edgy, which makes you act edgy, which makes her even more freaked out.

YES. I have found this sort of feedback loop to lie at the roots of nearly all of my fights with my SO.

Stop the karmic wheel!
posted by sonofsamiam at 9:09 AM on March 8, 2006

She's concerned about going to the doctor. Have you offered to go with her if she wants? Maybe she doesn't want to ask you to come, but really wants you to be there (or at least in the waiting room).
posted by Apoch at 9:21 AM on March 8, 2006

Lots of good advice here.

Oddly enough, I just returned from a doctor's appointment where I was diagnosed (as expected) with a urinary tract infection. Although I wasn't remotely embarrassed by the diagnosis, my practitioner repeatedly remarked that a UTI is nothing embarrassing, nor is it the result of poor hygiene or sexual promiscuity. I never thought it was, but my practitioner's stressing of this caused me to wonder if many of the patients she sees are embarrassed by a UTI because they think it's precipitated by "bad" behavior.

Not to rule out other explanations, but could it be that simple --- that your girlfriend insists it isn't a UTI because she thinks UTIs are dirty?

They aren't... any more than a sinus infection is dirty.

Even if this is something as seemingly innocuous as a bladder infection, she should get it checked out soon. I waited several days, having thought it was cleared up, and now my practitioner is worried it may have traveled into the kidneys. Ouch.

Also, urge your gf not to take Uristat or any other OTC urinary analgesic --- they can muddy the results of the urinalysis.
posted by Elsa at 9:33 AM on March 8, 2006

looking up symptoms on the internet is a great way to convince yourself you have something terminal and horrific, no matter what your symptoms are.

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

if you google for 5 minutes, even if you're the healthiest person in the world, you'll end up fearing for a variety of lethal illnesses. don't google your symptoms, ever. it's scary and ultimately useless. if you're hypochondriac, you'll go nuts
posted by matteo at 9:37 AM on March 8, 2006

if you're thinking she's angsting about infidelity-caused STDs

Consider that she's angsting about the possibility that YOU gave her an STD.
posted by frogan at 9:38 AM on March 8, 2006

Maybe she doesn't think it's a UTI because she's had one before and these symptoms are different than what she has had previously.

I agree with boomchicka and everyone who has said to talk with her and let her know you're available to talk or listen. I would also definitely offer to go with her to the appointment, even just to sit in the waiting room. Definitely encourage her to bring up the problem with her doctor and not just hope that the doctor finds an issue while doing the exam.

Best of luck to both of you.
posted by melissa at 10:15 AM on March 8, 2006

don't google your symptoms, ever. it's scary and ultimately useless.

I could not disagree more. Making yourself educated on your health and coming into your doctor's appointment with intelligent questions and information is the best way to get better care. You should not self-diagnose or work yourself into a tizzy over unlikely things but your doctor treats dozens of people every day. You on the other hand have time to make yourself comprehensively familiar with only one patient - you.

If anon's or anon's girlfriend were working themselves into a tizzy over What Ifs then this might be good advice, but there's nothing here to suggest that's the case. I Nth everyone's statement that she's most likely looking for reassurance and support.
posted by phearlez at 11:32 AM on March 8, 2006

She may have interstitial cystitis. It is a painful, non-bacterial, non-viral urinary tract disorder. It can cause frequent, painful urination, as well as lots of other assorted nastiness. It is most often diagnosed in women, although men can get it, too. Have her see a urologist. If she does have IC, they can give her medicine that will help her tremendously.
posted by Afroblanco at 5:31 PM on March 8, 2006