don't crush me

March 7, 2006 3:17 PM

Help me. I have a crush. Already.

So for the few familiar with my recent saga, I met a nice lady at a show last weekend. She invited me over for dinner the next night, and I'm all thinkin', 'yeah, action!'. We had dinner and played each other some of our songs - sort of date-ish. Then we sat around and told our stories.

Then she took me 'home' (the friends I've been staying with). No hugs, kisses, just some warm company and what I think was flirting.

She emails me the next day, asks me to call her, and I do. When I talk to her she asks if my the house I'm moving into is ready yet (it isn't), then asks if I wanna stay at her place (I do). She picks me up and apologizes for having to get up early the next morning. We stay up for a few hours talking - nothing physical. She then makes out a bed for me, sprinkles it with lavander, makes certain I know I'm welcome and comfortable, and then she goes to bed.

Without revealing too many more details of her life, she'd older than I, creative as hell, into a lot of the same weird art & music as I, and beautiful. Really, *really* beautiful.

So I call her today - after she's gone to work, called *me* several times, given me a key, invited me to stay through the weekend, and told me to come and go as I please - intending to just air it out. I thank her for the offer and the niceness and start to tell her that I can't possibly stay another night or I'll end up making an ass of myself. She's perceptive, after all, she should pick up on what I'm coming to, right? Nope. She thinks 'ass of myself' means 'get drunk and get all weepy and sensitive-boy on her'. Dammit.

I just got out of a relationship. I don't want anything but fun, and - trust me on this - there's girls I know in this place that could and pretty much have offered me just that. She's just too much for me to take. I'm not in love, but goddamn if I'm not slipping into crushland.

What the hell do I do? Let it ride? Blurt it out? Just grab her and give her an item smooch? Help me, great ones.

posted by anonymous to human relations (68 comments total)

I vote for the item smooch.
posted by curtm at 3:20 PM on March 7, 2006

What's an item smooch?
posted by metaculpa at 3:22 PM on March 7, 2006

Shag it.
posted by lunkfish at 3:23 PM on March 7, 2006

Really, what've I got to lose, right?

Jesus she's beautiful. Did I mention that? 'Cause she is.
posted by Item at 3:24 PM on March 7, 2006

Is she from Nigeria?
posted by leafwoman at 3:27 PM on March 7, 2006

Canada, actually.
posted by Item at 3:27 PM on March 7, 2006

Canadian girls kick ass.
posted by tiamat at 3:29 PM on March 7, 2006

Egad, kiss the woman already!
posted by myodometer at 3:29 PM on March 7, 2006

Is she Hindi?

Anyway, what have you got to lose? Beautiful, friendly, fun to be with, and if you don't act fast, she might slip into the "friend" zone.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:29 PM on March 7, 2006

I vote for smooching her item! Like Astro said, this is only good while supplies last.
posted by nomad at 3:35 PM on March 7, 2006

Spring is here, eh?
posted by lbergstr at 3:37 PM on March 7, 2006

(that "eh" has nothing to do with the canada thing, i swear)
posted by lbergstr at 3:37 PM on March 7, 2006

If you don't kiss her, you'll always wonder what would have happened if you did.
posted by LarryC at 3:43 PM on March 7, 2006

Before you kiss her, ask yourself: Is she beautiful?
posted by Bryan Behrenshausen at 3:47 PM on March 7, 2006

As John le Carre observed, "Betrayal can only happen if you love."
posted by orthogonality at 3:52 PM on March 7, 2006

What the hell is wrong with you?

Beautiful, interesting, throwing herself at you?

Come on. Be up front, tell her you're just having fun for now. But I mean, seriously, come on.
posted by teece at 3:55 PM on March 7, 2006

Step away from the keyboard and kiss her now, and kiss her like you mean it, not tentatively.

I've made the mistake of not kissing the girl when there were neon signs flashing KISS HER YOU MORON. Don't be like me.
posted by adamrice at 3:55 PM on March 7, 2006

I'd hit it. Then again, I never did have very good judgement.
posted by gregariousrecluse at 3:59 PM on March 7, 2006

tell her you just want to be friends,



then when she comes posting to askme about it you can propose. and it will be LOVEly.

Astro Zombie: Hindu, beautiful, intelligent but older will have no takers.
posted by soma lkzx at 4:00 PM on March 7, 2006

I think adamrice nailed it.
posted by CRM114 at 4:06 PM on March 7, 2006

kiss her you fool!!

good grief
posted by lonefrontranger at 4:19 PM on March 7, 2006

What, you're still reading this ? Go, and enjoy it all you can !
posted by XiBe at 4:21 PM on March 7, 2006

I swear to god if you are reading this instead of kissing her, someone from Ask.Me will go over and beat you senseless.

We do that.
posted by oddman at 4:37 PM on March 7, 2006

She then makes out a bed for me, sprinkles it with lavander

Oh .... my .... god.

Do her or I will !
posted by elpapacito at 4:40 PM on March 7, 2006

Oh god, crushes are such fun. Kiss her. Buy her flowers. Kiss her again. Yay!
posted by meerkatty at 4:41 PM on March 7, 2006

Item. Man. This is total Metachat material. Come on over and talk to us about it.

Oh, and we'll probably all tell you to kiss her you fool.
posted by matildaben at 4:42 PM on March 7, 2006

GO FOR IT

I have taken advice similar to adamrice's, and even in cases where it didn't work out, I'm still glad I did it!
posted by samh23 at 4:47 PM on March 7, 2006

Is this a question or is it just preemptory bragging?
posted by rdr at 4:53 PM on March 7, 2006

SHTHIMNSHA.
posted by Loto at 4:55 PM on March 7, 2006

Dear Ghod. Kiss her, you fool!

(dear me. I mean, I know some dense geeks, but this is... really bad.) (girl in the green, btw.)

Although, I must say that she could be a little more forward. :) Given a similar situation, I'd have probably cracked by now and kissed you myself. (But then, I've known some pretty dense geeks, and have long since given up on "proper" behaviour.)

She knows that you're rebounding, yes? I suspect that she probably knows what you meant when you said "make an ass of myself".
posted by jlkr at 5:10 PM on March 7, 2006

One more time, for the people:

"Better to regret something you did do then to regret something you didn't."

Me, I still regret an evening in New Zealand in late 1989 for something I didn't do.
posted by Hogshead at 5:11 PM on March 7, 2006 [1 favorite]

Huh, is your last name actualy "item"?
posted by delmoi at 5:13 PM on March 7, 2006

MetaChat
posted by matildaben at 5:15 PM on March 7, 2006

I agree with LarryC (hey! that rhymes!). Do it, or wonder forever "what if"...
posted by ersatzkat at 5:21 PM on March 7, 2006

*mmmmmmmmmmmmmwah*

You're never going to know until you in for a kiss! Do it already!
posted by hooray at 5:34 PM on March 7, 2006

she could be a little more forward

Huh? She slickly connived him into moving in with her so fast it was all a blur! She calls him all day long! She sprinkled his sheets with lavender! How much forward de we need to be, boys? Item, it's your turn!

But yes, do tell her you're just out for fun, so she doesn't start hoping it's more. She might anyway, but at least you'll have put it out there.
posted by Miko at 5:51 PM on March 7, 2006

Is sprinking a guy's bed with lavender some new thing? 'cause it's sounds girly and not guy sexy at all. Really, what's the point?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:03 PM on March 7, 2006

Miko, you missed the smiley (of the ironic "I-mean-the-exact-opposite-of-what-I-typed" variety). I hope. (I was being a silly wench with lots of experience with geeks. I really, really, really, hope that you didn't think I was truly serious.)
posted by jlkr at 6:06 PM on March 7, 2006

Ask politely for a brisk rogering.
posted by dhartung at 6:27 PM on March 7, 2006

KISS HER YOU FOOL OR I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND SEXUALLY VIOLATE YOUR STILL-BEATING HEART IN THE MOST SHOCKING WAYS YOU DAMN, DAMN FOOL
posted by loquacious at 6:31 PM on March 7, 2006

Make with the snogging, already.

I realize this is entirely redundant; I just wanted to point out that this whole thread made me goofily and sentimentally happy, and you should kiss the lady so you and she can achieve the same state.
posted by fermion at 6:36 PM on March 7, 2006

what loquacious said.
posted by toastchee at 6:46 PM on March 7, 2006

I really, really, really, hope that you didn't think I was truly serious.

It's that kind of subtle signal us geeks always miss....*sigh*
posted by Miko at 6:54 PM on March 7, 2006

I think you should wait a little while and see what she does next. Give it at least a month so you can observe her behavior long enough to establish a meaningful average response to you. You don't want to blow it and ruin what could be a good friendship.

.... Just kidding. I just thought this thread was so redundant that it needed some diverse opinions.

Obviously you should kiss her.
posted by crapples at 7:06 PM on March 7, 2006

You must be pretty hot stuff - they're just not letting you sit on the shelf.

Turn your dick off for a second and try to consider whether or not you would like a little "shelf time." There's no sound argument for or against; it's about your feelings and needs, and getting them met.

Then do what you're going to do anyway. Have fun!
posted by ikkyu2 at 7:15 PM on March 7, 2006

Good lord, is there some sort of treatment program we can get item into? Maybe something with electroshock?

Go enjoy yourself, silly person.
posted by tkolar at 7:27 PM on March 7, 2006

Run away. She's a future stalker.
posted by cellphone at 7:44 PM on March 7, 2006

Brandon Blatcher (and anyone who's wondering) - lavender is one of the aromatherapy scents that is supposed to relax you and aide in sleep.
That said - kiss her!
posted by Iamtherealme at 7:49 PM on March 7, 2006

RUN! RUN AWAY!

My god, people, this woman invited him over after one night of visiting him, sprinkled gd lavender all over his bed, and gave him the key to the house!

I'm seeing horror movie potential here.

but kiss her before you run away. just make sure the door is unlocked, 'cause we all know the knife and screechy woo-woo-woo soundtrack are all gonna start shortly after the kiss.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:49 PM on March 7, 2006

Stop being so gay.
posted by klangklangston at 8:08 PM on March 7, 2006

Report back. And, if she's beautiful, include mixed media.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:27 PM on March 7, 2006

crushland is such a small place... I meet friends already...

Do it man, 'cause I can't (sigh....)
posted by carmina at 8:34 PM on March 7, 2006

Seconding:
Canadian girls kick ass.

And yeah, dude. Go for it!
posted by black8 at 8:38 PM on March 7, 2006

In summary; if you don't kiss her, we will.
posted by Justinian at 9:50 PM on March 7, 2006

I kissed her and it was soooo worth it! Trust me, after kissing her I felt so good, like a saint, like a breath of fresh air, like the tastiest glass of water, like a million bucks, at peace with myself and the world, as though I could fix all problems with a gesture, oh yeah....that was one good kiss. If you kiss her, I will personally come after you and hack you into little pieces because she's mine. Mine. MINE. MINE!

kill kill kill killkillkillkillkill

Yeah, I'm okay with it now. You go ahead and kiss her. It's sooo worth it.
posted by ashbury at 10:06 PM on March 7, 2006

item: That was one hell of a write-up. I was excited, and I'm not in to females!

So long as she isn't in to ritual sacrifice, go for it!
posted by Goofyy at 5:23 AM on March 8, 2006

Turn on the stereo, and ask her to dance. I'm an older woman, and I'm a sucker for that.
posted by JanetLand at 5:27 AM on March 8, 2006

Didja get the kiss, Chris?
posted by zonkout at 7:06 AM on March 8, 2006

I think you should kiss her.

I realize that you don't need to be told that yet again, but now this thread will show up on my My Comments page, so I'll get to see the update when you post it.
posted by yankeefog at 7:39 AM on March 8, 2006

Before you kiss her, ask yourself: What is that big red sore on her lip?
posted by found missing at 9:20 AM on March 8, 2006

I had a similar situation like yourself with a stunning, artsy, older woman. Within 4 days she invited me to meet her at a 5* hotel for the day and evening. I ran like hell. In my case it was the best move I ever made. I came to find out she's as crazy as a monkey f*cking a football. In your case, I would just say tread lightly. Lavender? You sure that wasn't some wild-ass voodoo potion?
posted by jasondigitized at 12:29 PM on March 8, 2006

Yeah, there seem to be a lot of stunning, artsy, older women who are crazy as a monkey f*cking a football. But I still say go for it; life is short, play hard.
posted by Justinian at 1:53 PM on March 8, 2006

All updates will over in Metachat. Sorry - I kinda remember drunkenly telling her about MeFi and though I don't think she'll see tthis, uh, yeah.

Carry on.
posted by Item at 2:29 PM on March 8, 2006

And no, there hasn't been a kiss yet. Just more what-I-pray-to-be-flirting and a lot of silliness.

You guys rock, by the way. Now move along over to MeCha and let's make this thing become a part of internet history.
posted by Item at 2:34 PM on March 8, 2006

Oooh! Update!

I have a new friend. That is all, and dammit if I'm not happy as hell about it.
posted by Item at 5:05 PM on March 13, 2006

Good for you item. You are very cute. I know you were worried about her reading this, but had she, she couldn't have helped being as taken with you as we are here at Mefi.
posted by kgn2507 at 3:13 PM on March 15, 2006

Hurrah! Seeing this follow-up made me go all warm and fuzzy. I love it when a plan comes together...
posted by greycap at 9:17 AM on March 20, 2006

Fruit loops.

Fast 'n furious friendship fell fast.

's okay, though, as I've met other fish in the shallow sea.
posted by Item at 4:31 AM on April 20, 2006