I'm 21. I've spent most of my life on my own. I'm not much fun to be around. How do I break out of this cycle?
I never had many friends in school. There was a group I used to stand around with at break, but I never had much to say to them and wasn't really part of their group. I met up with them outside school maybe 2 or 3 times in five years.
Then in about 2001 I met this cool group of people and I had a lot of common interests with and used to see every couple of weeks, but I pretty much had to invite myself to everything. No one minded me being there, but I only ever spoke to a few people from the group, and even though they kind of liked me, those few people eventually got tired of me and it all ended pretty horribly (the person I got on with best ended up telling me "never attempt to contact me ever again". I hadn't done anything. I just exhausted their patience). And like Edward Scissorhands, I went back to my mountaintop at the beginning of 2003. And that's where I've been ever since. (Actually I saw them last year. Somehow it ended in a fight and me being physically kicked out)
I work from home, I know no one in this city, and there is literally one person left who I could phone and they'd talk to me. And even then I can't call them more often than every couple of months, because I have nothing to say to them. I don't do anything. I have no hobbies and pretty much the only place I go is the cinema.
I don't think this is a case of meeting the right group of people. Whoever I meet, I never seem to hit it off with them. It's always exactly the same. There's just this awkwardness and horribleness and the conversation ends.
I've had counseling too. But it turned out to be the kind where they just sit back and listen and don't offer any advice. What I need is for someone to follow me round and tell me what I'm doing wrong. I've always done everything on my own and my sense of what I did right and what I did wrong is completely messed up. I don't know what to do.
The other thing is that none of this depresses me much. I don't do drugs. I don't drink on my own. I don't self harm. I don't listen to angry music. I've just got used to it.
So, erm, what the hell do I do? I need serious help with this. It's not something I can foist on a stranger I'm trying to make friends with. The only thing I've seen that comes to close to my situation is this NYT article
about the New Start program in Japan. But I'm in the UK. Where do I start?