Quiet first date ideas

August 6, 2019 4:20 PM

I’m still figuring out how much loud environments mess me up, but, uh, they definitely mess me up, to the point of pain / tension / armoring up like an armadillo. This makes connecting on first dates really hard! What are your go tos for quiet but fun first dates? I’m in Brooklyn, so anything NYC specific is great, but also I bet I’m not the only one with this problem. What say you, hivemind?
posted by schadenfrau to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (22 answers total)

Response by poster: (I do have ear plugs for bars etc, but they only do so much, and also aren’t ideal for the whole connecting thing)
posted by schadenfrau at 4:21 PM on August 6, 2019

Antique stores - my fave cause I love shopping too
Walks - really a nice walk! And ice cream!
Art galleries or museums
posted by Dressed to Kill at 4:27 PM on August 6, 2019 [7 favorites]

To-go coffees + GeoCaching
posted by sacrifix at 4:28 PM on August 6, 2019 [5 favorites]

Cocktail bars of a certain sort are often quite quiet (Pegu Club, Raine's Law, Brandy Library, Little Branch (on non-Jazz nights)) and so tended to be my go-tos for first dates. Some of them can have a stuffy vibe, but others are great.

Walking the galleries in Chelsea is a solid option as well.
posted by slide at 4:46 PM on August 6, 2019 [3 favorites]

Burp Castle in the East Village is one of my favs. It’s a Belgian beer bar that keeps things monastery quiet. You will be shushed if you make too much noise. Nice, quirky spot for a first date. IIRC, they have wine if you’re not a beer person.
posted by AaRdVarK at 4:53 PM on August 6, 2019 [13 favorites]

The Central Park Zoo is small and rarely crowded because I think people forget about it (and in the winter time it's even less crowded - plus the snow leopards are extra frisky)
posted by Mchelly at 5:14 PM on August 6, 2019 [6 favorites]

Definitely walks. Fantastic for getting to know each other.
Bookstores - the "have you read, what do you like" etc game is a lot of fun.
Window shopping - try on the goofy hats, smell the candles, pet the witchy store cat
Do you have a favorite dinner spot that empties out for lunch, or vice versa? Lunch as a date is decidedly underrated.
The beach
Botanical gardens
posted by joycehealy at 5:35 PM on August 6, 2019 [4 favorites]

I love the Brooklyn Botanic Garden (and the rest of Prospect Park). Check out the Soundprint app for sound ratings on restaurants.
posted by pinochiette at 5:38 PM on August 6, 2019 [7 favorites]

Seconding Burp Castle. Granted, it’s been like 10+ yrs since last visit, but it would fit the bill perfectly
posted by armoir from antproof case at 5:54 PM on August 6, 2019 [1 favorite]

Admire the exhibitions and interior architecture in libraries like the Morgan and the NYPL. (Docent-led tours, too.)

The Cloisters

Guide to Long Island's Gold Coast Mansions; historic Long Island

Architectural Digest - Quietest places in NYC

Untapped Cities: Escape the noise in NYC
posted by Iris Gambol at 6:17 PM on August 6, 2019 [5 favorites]

It wasn't really where, but when. On Sunday afternoons around 2-4 pm or so, especially in hot weather, lots of non-brunchy restaurants and bars were often all but empty.
posted by mochapickle at 7:28 PM on August 6, 2019 [2 favorites]

Picnic! Prospect Park or Fort Greene park, you can bring a flask if you want a boozier vibe.
posted by Mender at 8:25 PM on August 6, 2019 [1 favorite]

Botanical gardens in general: the one in the Bronx is lovely, see also Wave Hill.
posted by SaltySalticid at 8:37 PM on August 6, 2019

If you have a smartphone, it might be worth checking out the Soundprint app ratings for any venue you're considering.
posted by Lexica at 8:58 PM on August 6, 2019 [2 favorites]

Many good suggestions here, but may I add Greenwood Cemetery?
posted by praemunire at 12:11 AM on August 7, 2019 [1 favorite]

Definitely museums as they give you something to talk about. I would find shopping a bit odd. A walk on the high line might also work?
posted by stillmoving at 12:16 AM on August 7, 2019

If you would like your date to actually turn up for your date, please don't suggest meeting in a cemetery or anywhere else isolated. I can think of few things that sound more threatening and less aware of safety issues. In other words, please evaluate all of these suggestions not only through the lens of your own comfort, but through the lens of your date's prospective comfort.

Anyway, I have no way of knowing how accurate these are, but Yelp does cover quiet restaurants!
posted by DarlingBri at 1:24 AM on August 7, 2019 [2 favorites]

My data point on Burp Castle is that it’s too quiet. It’s very small and the bartender does literally shush you if your conversation gets too loud. They expect you to literally not get above a whisper, which was impossible for me because I was...on a first date, trying to build a connection. By you can check out burp castle, and if you get shushed too much, walk over to Tompkins Square Park and watch the doggos in the dog runs.

Seconding the botanic gardens. Taking a tour of the the catacombs in soho might be good?

Other dates that I have liked are kayaking (if at least one person has already done it and is comfortable but not overconfident...this is really hard to judge), and daytime coffee. Place don’t seem to get as loud during the day as they do at night.

Also, for future folks who haven’t tested lots of bars and evenings, consider Tuesday night instead of weekends if you are interested in checking out a bar, they tend to be a bit quieter midweek.

For a weekend date, walk over to smorgasburg. Or just stroll along brooklyn bridge park.
posted by bilabial at 5:50 AM on August 7, 2019

I go to restaurants or coffee shops midweek, for lunch if possible, because they're blissfully uncrowded.

I have trouble feeling a connection with people if we're not looking at each other, so the walking-type activities don't work for me. But there are a couple parks around me that have good facing-each-other seating, and sometimes I'll suggest we get ice cream and hang out there.
posted by metasarah at 6:03 AM on August 7, 2019

If you would like your date to actually turn up for your date, please don't suggest meeting in a cemetery or anywhere else isolated. I can think of few things that sound more threatening and less aware of safety issues.

Hm? Greenwood Cemetery is a National Historic Landmark with tours, a trolley, and a nationally-known arboretum. It's all of one block from the R in Brooklyn. I guess it might sound threatening to people who don't live in NYC and don't look it up first, but it sounds like OP is a local looking to date locals. This is just like suggesting a walk in the park.
posted by praemunire at 8:48 AM on August 7, 2019 [4 favorites]

Tea or coffee, museums, picnic in the park, art gallery, or perhaps a creative project like walking around taking photos or sketching.
posted by bile and syntax at 12:13 PM on August 7, 2019

My experiences at Burp Castle have been that it was fine to speak at a normal conversational volume level and that my companions and I did not have to whisper.

There are a lot of parts of the NY Botanical Garden that are quiet.

I recall that the Whitney Museum is pretty quiet.
posted by brainwane at 6:13 PM on August 7, 2019