Help with actionable steps for mental clarity and health?
August 3, 2019 2:14 AM Subscribe
I'm feeling super burnt out and looking for a simple "do this" plan to follow so I can feel better and sharpen up my mind. Any advice or resources for an efficient way to approach gaining more focus, when there are several variables all at once?
Between work and my lifestyle of late, I'm not on my A game. I've grown scatterbrained, unfocused, undisciplined, unmotivated, tired, bored, and restless. I want to get back on track, but kinda stalled at deciding the best order of operations.
Work is action-packed, we live and die by email in a fast paced high stress global operations environment. I'm a manager tapping in to keep things going as we backfill some people who moved on. I've got a huge pile of unfinished projects, a whiney and demanding client, and the work machine never stops running. I tend to think about work a lot.
My social life kinda sucks since my BFF passed away last year. I don't really make much effort to make new friends. I do get a pretty good dose of socializing at work though.
I've been drinking almost every night for the past 8 years. Like 2-3 drinks during the week and often 5-6 on weekends. If I drank too much the night before or didn't sleep well, I'll take stimulants to get back to baseline so I can go about the day without interruption. Was taking the old school ECA stack (ephedrine, caffeine, aspirin) for like the past 2 years, nowadays I usually go for Modafinil. I also drink 5-6 cups of coffee regardless. I haven't really smoked pot since high school until recently, now I'm smoking nightly.
Found all the usual advice is effective.
Sleep helps. Exercise helps. Good food helps. Meditation helps.
I assume stopping the bad stuff and doing more good stuff will help the concentration and wellness, but sheesh it's kind of a lot to tackle and I'm not feeling fired up to start.
I want to get back to feeling "on", where should I start and what should I do?
Between work and my lifestyle of late, I'm not on my A game. I've grown scatterbrained, unfocused, undisciplined, unmotivated, tired, bored, and restless. I want to get back on track, but kinda stalled at deciding the best order of operations.
Work is action-packed, we live and die by email in a fast paced high stress global operations environment. I'm a manager tapping in to keep things going as we backfill some people who moved on. I've got a huge pile of unfinished projects, a whiney and demanding client, and the work machine never stops running. I tend to think about work a lot.
My social life kinda sucks since my BFF passed away last year. I don't really make much effort to make new friends. I do get a pretty good dose of socializing at work though.
I've been drinking almost every night for the past 8 years. Like 2-3 drinks during the week and often 5-6 on weekends. If I drank too much the night before or didn't sleep well, I'll take stimulants to get back to baseline so I can go about the day without interruption. Was taking the old school ECA stack (ephedrine, caffeine, aspirin) for like the past 2 years, nowadays I usually go for Modafinil. I also drink 5-6 cups of coffee regardless. I haven't really smoked pot since high school until recently, now I'm smoking nightly.
Found all the usual advice is effective.
Sleep helps. Exercise helps. Good food helps. Meditation helps.
I assume stopping the bad stuff and doing more good stuff will help the concentration and wellness, but sheesh it's kind of a lot to tackle and I'm not feeling fired up to start.
I want to get back to feeling "on", where should I start and what should I do?
Just reading this makes my heart hurt. I feel like you buried the lede a bit here. The death of a close friend is a horrible shock to anyone, at any age, and I’m terribly sorry you’ve so recently experienced the death of your best friend. My plan would be:
1. Grief counseling;
2. Reduction of alcohol, with professional assistance if needed, with a goal of eliminating it entirely for at least a few months, if not longer; and
3. Reduction of ECA stimulants, with professional assistance if needed, with a goal of eliminating them entirely for at least a few months, if not longer.
Your job sounds unsustainably demanding and perhaps with a little clarity from the steps above you could take steps to change that.
Good luck.
posted by cheapskatebay at 3:35 AM on August 3, 2019 [9 favorites]
1. Grief counseling;
2. Reduction of alcohol, with professional assistance if needed, with a goal of eliminating it entirely for at least a few months, if not longer; and
3. Reduction of ECA stimulants, with professional assistance if needed, with a goal of eliminating them entirely for at least a few months, if not longer.
Your job sounds unsustainably demanding and perhaps with a little clarity from the steps above you could take steps to change that.
Good luck.
posted by cheapskatebay at 3:35 AM on August 3, 2019 [9 favorites]
I would also say a lot of this is connected. If you exercise, you'll sleep better, you won't need as much coffee, etc. Stopping drinking and exercising will probably give you the biggest bang for your buck. Also, take a small vacation. Even a weekend trip can help you reset.
posted by xammerboy at 3:37 AM on August 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by xammerboy at 3:37 AM on August 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
I have a new process that's working so far. Caveat: there has to be something you want that's relatively affordable but stupid or pricey enough that you wouldn't regularly shell out for it for this to work.
My problem is that I'm enormous and flaccid and courting diabetes, so I made a baseline list: at least two 30-minute walks/day, in bed by 11 p.m., no simple carbohydrate or alcohol, no dinner at least four nights/week. (I tend to eat all my nutritive calories during the day because I bring a giant salad to work. Dinner is superfluous plus is usually meat- and cheese-heavy, so makes sense to ditch it most days.) The rule is, I have to stick to my list for seven days, or I can't buy a new dress. There's no "making up," either. If I sit on my ass all day and don't walk, I can't make it up by taking extra walks the next day. If I slip, the week starts over. Fortunately my favorite online dress purveyor keeps coming out with new shit every day, and I'm obsessed with adding crap to my "cart," so I get regular little hits, like "ooo, I could get THAT one with the little flamingos drinking martinis on the bodice!" There's motivation to stay on track, too, because the best stuff goes really fast, so if I screw up and eat a cheeseburger, I will not get the one with the itty bitty butterflies and the diamond applique border, or whatever it is.
Is there anything frivolous that you might enjoy endlessly shopping for and occasionally buying? If so, this might work for you! The point is to make the goals achievable, though: don't set a baseline that's too intimidating. You can always crank it up after you've had a couple of successful weeks. The buying is a big, successful-week reward, but you can also make the shopping a daily reward for good behavior: for me, I get to shop after I've walked three or four times. I don't have difficulty not drinking or eating at night, but I do have problems getting off my ass at work, so that's when I schedule the reward.
If I were you, I'd shop at night when you're tempted to drink. Which I would stop doing yesterday; I think it might be tough to stop the speed before you stop the booze because you're using the speed to kill the hangovers. Stop the hangovers and you won't need the speed. If you try tapering off drinking and it doesn't work, try cold turkey, and if that doesn't work, try therapy and "meetings" and just keep trying stuff until you find something that works. And if you find you've been drinking too much and too steadily to stop without help from your GP, go to your GP and get the help. This is too much substances: you're going to wack your liver if you don't cut it out, and the stupid whineyclient job is not worth that.
posted by Don Pepino at 4:04 AM on August 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
My problem is that I'm enormous and flaccid and courting diabetes, so I made a baseline list: at least two 30-minute walks/day, in bed by 11 p.m., no simple carbohydrate or alcohol, no dinner at least four nights/week. (I tend to eat all my nutritive calories during the day because I bring a giant salad to work. Dinner is superfluous plus is usually meat- and cheese-heavy, so makes sense to ditch it most days.) The rule is, I have to stick to my list for seven days, or I can't buy a new dress. There's no "making up," either. If I sit on my ass all day and don't walk, I can't make it up by taking extra walks the next day. If I slip, the week starts over. Fortunately my favorite online dress purveyor keeps coming out with new shit every day, and I'm obsessed with adding crap to my "cart," so I get regular little hits, like "ooo, I could get THAT one with the little flamingos drinking martinis on the bodice!" There's motivation to stay on track, too, because the best stuff goes really fast, so if I screw up and eat a cheeseburger, I will not get the one with the itty bitty butterflies and the diamond applique border, or whatever it is.
Is there anything frivolous that you might enjoy endlessly shopping for and occasionally buying? If so, this might work for you! The point is to make the goals achievable, though: don't set a baseline that's too intimidating. You can always crank it up after you've had a couple of successful weeks. The buying is a big, successful-week reward, but you can also make the shopping a daily reward for good behavior: for me, I get to shop after I've walked three or four times. I don't have difficulty not drinking or eating at night, but I do have problems getting off my ass at work, so that's when I schedule the reward.
If I were you, I'd shop at night when you're tempted to drink. Which I would stop doing yesterday; I think it might be tough to stop the speed before you stop the booze because you're using the speed to kill the hangovers. Stop the hangovers and you won't need the speed. If you try tapering off drinking and it doesn't work, try cold turkey, and if that doesn't work, try therapy and "meetings" and just keep trying stuff until you find something that works. And if you find you've been drinking too much and too steadily to stop without help from your GP, go to your GP and get the help. This is too much substances: you're going to wack your liver if you don't cut it out, and the stupid whineyclient job is not worth that.
posted by Don Pepino at 4:04 AM on August 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
So, my advice is going to work better when you get past this current stage of relying so much on substances. When I saw your ask, I was going to come and recommend the keto diet. I am still recommending it as a great way to have tons of mental clarity. I didn't stick to the diet but eating this way worked better for mental focus than Ritalin or other stimulants.
posted by crunchy potato at 4:21 AM on August 3, 2019
posted by crunchy potato at 4:21 AM on August 3, 2019
IANYD. You don't say whether you want to quit drinking/doing substances. I think the only way to feel better is going to be quitting everything (eventually, either one at a time, by tapering off or cold turkey), but it's nearly impossible to do that if you don't actually want to. Even if you don't want to quit anything right now, you could start thinking about it as a valid option. If the idea is scary, just allow yourself to sit with the idea for a few minutes and take note of how it makes you feel.
The thing is, if you decide quitting drinking/doing substances is what you want to do, or if you already have decided this, you absolutely can. The caveat is that withdrawal will make things feel physically and mentally worse before they feel better for some time. To get ahead of that, you should involve a doctor in creating a plan to offset the worst of the withdrawal or time how and in what order to quit things. And you should decide on a strategy (ahead of quitting) on how to handle it when things fall apart, so you can get back on track more quickly.
Read everything you can about addiction, quitting drinking, quitting substances - especially personal stories about people who have quit substances long term. Read about 'brain fog'. Read about relapse. Prepare yourself. This will make the process less daunting, as there are fairly well defined stages of physical and mental withdrawal for different substances. That will help you know what to expect and be able to chart your progress. Good luck to you.
posted by marimeko at 5:21 AM on August 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
The thing is, if you decide quitting drinking/doing substances is what you want to do, or if you already have decided this, you absolutely can. The caveat is that withdrawal will make things feel physically and mentally worse before they feel better for some time. To get ahead of that, you should involve a doctor in creating a plan to offset the worst of the withdrawal or time how and in what order to quit things. And you should decide on a strategy (ahead of quitting) on how to handle it when things fall apart, so you can get back on track more quickly.
Read everything you can about addiction, quitting drinking, quitting substances - especially personal stories about people who have quit substances long term. Read about 'brain fog'. Read about relapse. Prepare yourself. This will make the process less daunting, as there are fairly well defined stages of physical and mental withdrawal for different substances. That will help you know what to expect and be able to chart your progress. Good luck to you.
posted by marimeko at 5:21 AM on August 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
These tricks have worked for me in the past:
- Limit where in your home you drink and smoke. For instance, I wouldn't drink or smoke in the living room, only at the kitchen table. Once I moved to the living room to watch TV, I don't brink those things with me, only ice water.
- Eat some tasty food with or right after your first drink. Sometimes it's stress relief, but often it's because you're hungry. Once you take that initial edge off, have a plate of tasty bites of food, whether it's a handful of fancy smoked almonds, crackers & cheese, olives from the fancy olive bar (we have one at our grocery store), or whatever you like, that will tempt you to eat while you're on that first or second drink.
- Bed by X time. I aim for 9:30-10:00 p.m. most nights, only stay up later if I don't have much going on the next day, and find a show that's binge-worthy.
- No devices of any kind in the bedroom, ever. No TV, no phone or laptop. Bedroom is for sleeping and maybe a book or magazine, but no devices.
- Taper the coffee slowly. My ex cut it out all at once and got rebound headaches. I will have a few small cups, then eat, because I need to take my morning meds with food. I fill up my glass with ice water before I eat, dumping out any remaining coffee in my cup. No coffee after eating, take my pills and go directly to ice water.
- Try tea or iced tea in the afternoon, if you get a slump. Tea has some relaxing components, as well as less caffeine, if you make it weak (I make mine pretty weak).
- Go for small snacks like nutty granola mix, cheese strings and a few crackers, small amount of fruit and cheese, throughout the day. This will leave you less hangry by the time you get home. I used to eat a banana in the car on the way home from work.
- Count any moving around as a plus. Housework, doing dishes by hand, taking out the trash, walking around at work, etc. That may not be hard exercise, but it counts!
- Get something to do while you're watching TV at night. I've gotten back into crafting lately, and since I do it in the living room, nothing goes there but my ice water, my lip balm, and my phone, which I only use to look up stuff on IMDB. I avoid social media and news headlines after supper. My laptop stays in the kitchen, and I don't check it before bedtime.
This is not to say I am 100% perfect, but I've found that compartmentalizing where I do certain activities helps me develop the habit of not doing them as often, or to the extent that I used to when I was younger. If I start to slide back into my old ways, I say, okay, did that, lets start fresh again, and take it as a lesson of things I don't want to do anymore.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 7:30 AM on August 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
- Limit where in your home you drink and smoke. For instance, I wouldn't drink or smoke in the living room, only at the kitchen table. Once I moved to the living room to watch TV, I don't brink those things with me, only ice water.
- Eat some tasty food with or right after your first drink. Sometimes it's stress relief, but often it's because you're hungry. Once you take that initial edge off, have a plate of tasty bites of food, whether it's a handful of fancy smoked almonds, crackers & cheese, olives from the fancy olive bar (we have one at our grocery store), or whatever you like, that will tempt you to eat while you're on that first or second drink.
- Bed by X time. I aim for 9:30-10:00 p.m. most nights, only stay up later if I don't have much going on the next day, and find a show that's binge-worthy.
- No devices of any kind in the bedroom, ever. No TV, no phone or laptop. Bedroom is for sleeping and maybe a book or magazine, but no devices.
- Taper the coffee slowly. My ex cut it out all at once and got rebound headaches. I will have a few small cups, then eat, because I need to take my morning meds with food. I fill up my glass with ice water before I eat, dumping out any remaining coffee in my cup. No coffee after eating, take my pills and go directly to ice water.
- Try tea or iced tea in the afternoon, if you get a slump. Tea has some relaxing components, as well as less caffeine, if you make it weak (I make mine pretty weak).
- Go for small snacks like nutty granola mix, cheese strings and a few crackers, small amount of fruit and cheese, throughout the day. This will leave you less hangry by the time you get home. I used to eat a banana in the car on the way home from work.
- Count any moving around as a plus. Housework, doing dishes by hand, taking out the trash, walking around at work, etc. That may not be hard exercise, but it counts!
- Get something to do while you're watching TV at night. I've gotten back into crafting lately, and since I do it in the living room, nothing goes there but my ice water, my lip balm, and my phone, which I only use to look up stuff on IMDB. I avoid social media and news headlines after supper. My laptop stays in the kitchen, and I don't check it before bedtime.
This is not to say I am 100% perfect, but I've found that compartmentalizing where I do certain activities helps me develop the habit of not doing them as often, or to the extent that I used to when I was younger. If I start to slide back into my old ways, I say, okay, did that, lets start fresh again, and take it as a lesson of things I don't want to do anymore.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 7:30 AM on August 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
I'm going to go for what is going to sound like a nuclear option here:
Will your work allow you to take a sabbatical for a month or two? If so, do that. Don't go on any vacation or retreat or anything - stay home.
You'll probably go through some shit. You'll be a lump for the first few days, you'll get antsy after that, your moods may go a little wonky and all over the place - but this feels to me like what's going on with you is that there's some grief and emotional stuff that you need to process that you have just been moving too fast to process, and giving yourself the space to do that will let those emotions finally say "great, we finally have the time to finish processing".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:36 AM on August 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
Will your work allow you to take a sabbatical for a month or two? If so, do that. Don't go on any vacation or retreat or anything - stay home.
You'll probably go through some shit. You'll be a lump for the first few days, you'll get antsy after that, your moods may go a little wonky and all over the place - but this feels to me like what's going on with you is that there's some grief and emotional stuff that you need to process that you have just been moving too fast to process, and giving yourself the space to do that will let those emotions finally say "great, we finally have the time to finish processing".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:36 AM on August 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
A partial hospitalization program (PHP, or PIP for "partial inpatient program") provides the type of structure that can help you break down solutions for you in manageable chunks. It requires time off work, as it's typically around 10-3 or 10-4 3-5 days per week, but it can be life-changing for the better.
I'm just finishing up a stint at one right now in the Boston area and it's changing my life for the better. I am/was also in intensely fast paced global operations job, and had a massive burnout that led me to this program. It helped provide the structure and instruction that I couldn't provide for myself. I'm now on proper medications, clear about what type of outpatient help is most helpful for me moving forward, and got off of the hamster wheel of "endless productivity or death" mindset. PM me if you'd like to chat further. You are worth taking care of yourself!
posted by seemoorglass at 8:20 AM on August 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
I'm just finishing up a stint at one right now in the Boston area and it's changing my life for the better. I am/was also in intensely fast paced global operations job, and had a massive burnout that led me to this program. It helped provide the structure and instruction that I couldn't provide for myself. I'm now on proper medications, clear about what type of outpatient help is most helpful for me moving forward, and got off of the hamster wheel of "endless productivity or death" mindset. PM me if you'd like to chat further. You are worth taking care of yourself!
posted by seemoorglass at 8:20 AM on August 3, 2019 [4 favorites]
Drinking is paradoxical in that it makes you sleepy but makes the quality of your sleep worse. So the drinking, then having bad sleep then wanting stimulants is a cycle... Then because of the stimulant you need to drink to get to sleep to get bad sleep. This makes you have ever increasing brain fog and restlessness. Will impact your concentration
Stopping drinking may be the best way to break that cycle, but stopping drinking can be dangerous because if you experience alcohol withdrawal you may be at the risk for siezures. Also, people in withdrawl and afterwards to find sleep worse for a little while before it gets better as you're body assists to not having it in the system.
You may need to seek out work options such as FMLA or short term disability to sort this out in one go.
But you can always take small steps, for example reducing your alcoholic intake to your weekday intake should be possible. You can cut down on stimulant use. Maybe first coffee and then the other stuff, maybe the other stuff then coffee. You can also set boundaries about phone use and after hours email.
posted by AlexiaSky at 10:12 AM on August 3, 2019
Stopping drinking may be the best way to break that cycle, but stopping drinking can be dangerous because if you experience alcohol withdrawal you may be at the risk for siezures. Also, people in withdrawl and afterwards to find sleep worse for a little while before it gets better as you're body assists to not having it in the system.
You may need to seek out work options such as FMLA or short term disability to sort this out in one go.
But you can always take small steps, for example reducing your alcoholic intake to your weekday intake should be possible. You can cut down on stimulant use. Maybe first coffee and then the other stuff, maybe the other stuff then coffee. You can also set boundaries about phone use and after hours email.
posted by AlexiaSky at 10:12 AM on August 3, 2019
Seconding professional help. The partial inpatient program and/or therapy is a good place to start.
I want to get back to feeling "on", where should I start and what should I do?
Baby steps.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself to meditate or exercise.
Look to the biggest disrupter of your physical and mental health right now, which is most likely too much booze. You have some habits and habits can be changed.
Mental clarity comes from good sleep, good nutrition, and some physical activity and leisure time. Alcohol is poison. It kills brain cells and puts a lot of stress on your body. There's no sugarcoating it. Overdoing it and regular use makes you feel like crap. I say this as an occasional social drinker.
If you want to cut down or eliminate alcohol and pot, you can take baby steps, one day at a time. Sober work weeks can be a goal, or some other goal that is realistic for you at this time, with help if neccessary.
A good mantra is "do no harm". Try not to do unnecessary harm to your body. You are in control of how you treat your body. It's a wonderful power to have. Treat it well and you will be rewarded.
Consider seeking healthier ways to cope: professional help or support groups, being in nature, being with sober friends, reading, walking, music, etc.
Good luck and good health.
posted by loveandhappiness at 10:12 AM on August 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
I want to get back to feeling "on", where should I start and what should I do?
Baby steps.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself to meditate or exercise.
Look to the biggest disrupter of your physical and mental health right now, which is most likely too much booze. You have some habits and habits can be changed.
Mental clarity comes from good sleep, good nutrition, and some physical activity and leisure time. Alcohol is poison. It kills brain cells and puts a lot of stress on your body. There's no sugarcoating it. Overdoing it and regular use makes you feel like crap. I say this as an occasional social drinker.
If you want to cut down or eliminate alcohol and pot, you can take baby steps, one day at a time. Sober work weeks can be a goal, or some other goal that is realistic for you at this time, with help if neccessary.
A good mantra is "do no harm". Try not to do unnecessary harm to your body. You are in control of how you treat your body. It's a wonderful power to have. Treat it well and you will be rewarded.
Consider seeking healthier ways to cope: professional help or support groups, being in nature, being with sober friends, reading, walking, music, etc.
Good luck and good health.
posted by loveandhappiness at 10:12 AM on August 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
Lots of excellent advice here. It sounds like you are caught in quite a vicious cycle, where lack of sleep is causing you to need caffeine, which leads to anxiety, which leads to social withdrawal, which leads to more anxiety, and the need for alcohol to help you wind down, which causes poor sleep... then lather, rinse, repeat. The grief and loneliness of the loss of your BFF no doubt makes everything worse.
Whenever I've been caught in a cycle like this, I've taken great comfort from the words of the poet Kabir, who said "wherever you are is the entry point." In other words, don't worry too much about the order of operations, just pick one thing, and do it. Changing that thing will affect the rest of the cycle, and make it easier to do the next thing.
You don't have to start with the hardest thing, either, and in fact, I've found it works well to do the opposite, and pick one weekly and one daily task from among the least-daunting things on the list. In your case, you could start the week by making an appointment for a consultation with a therapist/grief counsellor, and then continue by cutting your coffee to one cup in the morning and switching to decaf or even half-caf for the next seven days. See if those things help and when you're ready, tackle another element... and so on.
And above all, be patient and kind to yourself. Situations like this don't change overnight, but they do change.
posted by rpfields at 11:44 AM on August 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
Whenever I've been caught in a cycle like this, I've taken great comfort from the words of the poet Kabir, who said "wherever you are is the entry point." In other words, don't worry too much about the order of operations, just pick one thing, and do it. Changing that thing will affect the rest of the cycle, and make it easier to do the next thing.
You don't have to start with the hardest thing, either, and in fact, I've found it works well to do the opposite, and pick one weekly and one daily task from among the least-daunting things on the list. In your case, you could start the week by making an appointment for a consultation with a therapist/grief counsellor, and then continue by cutting your coffee to one cup in the morning and switching to decaf or even half-caf for the next seven days. See if those things help and when you're ready, tackle another element... and so on.
And above all, be patient and kind to yourself. Situations like this don't change overnight, but they do change.
posted by rpfields at 11:44 AM on August 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
The easiest way to start might be to dilute your alcohol. So you're tapering, not quitting cold turkey. But being less hungover will mean you need less amphetamines and caffiene, which in turn means you'll sleep better.
You don't have to do it fast. Maybe aim for drinks that are 25% more diluted to start. So if it's wine: pour 3/4 your regular amount and top with soda water. For beer, try lemonade or orange juice. For hard liquor, pour smaller shots and add more mix, etc. Next week, try using 33% mixer. Then 50%. Then 70% mixer. After that point just switch to normal pop or juice or whatever. You can probably pretty much wean yourself from drinking in about a month if you stick to it.
Also: buy a Fitbit-type wristwatch, to gamify your number of steps per day. Getting more exercise will also help you sleep.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 2:18 PM on August 3, 2019
You don't have to do it fast. Maybe aim for drinks that are 25% more diluted to start. So if it's wine: pour 3/4 your regular amount and top with soda water. For beer, try lemonade or orange juice. For hard liquor, pour smaller shots and add more mix, etc. Next week, try using 33% mixer. Then 50%. Then 70% mixer. After that point just switch to normal pop or juice or whatever. You can probably pretty much wean yourself from drinking in about a month if you stick to it.
Also: buy a Fitbit-type wristwatch, to gamify your number of steps per day. Getting more exercise will also help you sleep.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 2:18 PM on August 3, 2019
I'm middle aged and had to eventually give up drinking alcohol because it lead to the behaviors you're describing and for me there was no way of managing it so that I felt better. The mindset, that I shared with you, that I could continue drinking to unwind and offset that with caffeine and ibuprofen, set me up to become truly addicted to thinking I could balance out my biochemistry with a better cocktail of chemical and sleep hacks. It just got harder and harder and harder to figure this out. By Friday I was generally so tired from stress, sleep deprivation and metabolic imbalance that I decided I had to put my best effort into not drinking anything. Took several attempts but it got easier. I still struggle with stress and life stuff but it's so much easier when I'm not drinking and mucking myself up. There are many posts and articles about finding balance, but for me, I just had to stop drinking. I'm not trivializing it, though, I have spent my entire teen and adult life drinking to cope.
posted by waving at 2:55 PM on August 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by waving at 2:55 PM on August 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
So I agree that grief is likely a big part of this. As someone who has dealt with an overwhelming case of grief, I can say that counseling, being honest about how hard it is and time were really the only ways to heal.
You asked for a concrete set of steps/a plan and so I'm sharing this website with you: https://www.oneyearnobeer.com/. I have no idea if it works or not but it looks as though it would fit the bill as actionable steps to take and potentially also support in taking those steps. It sounds as though you already know that drinking isn't making this better. This might be useful.
I'm sorry that you're hurting and I am sending you care and love.
posted by mulkey at 6:23 PM on August 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
You asked for a concrete set of steps/a plan and so I'm sharing this website with you: https://www.oneyearnobeer.com/. I have no idea if it works or not but it looks as though it would fit the bill as actionable steps to take and potentially also support in taking those steps. It sounds as though you already know that drinking isn't making this better. This might be useful.
I'm sorry that you're hurting and I am sending you care and love.
posted by mulkey at 6:23 PM on August 3, 2019 [2 favorites]
I realized after some traumatic deaths and work stress that I was in a spiral of drink, stay up too late, barely sleep anyway, have stimulants (recently prescribed for legitimate medical reason) and then pile on a horrendous amount of caffeine anyway, go home, don't eat, repeat.
I used to be in pretty good shape. Very strong. I knew things were not trending well, but... I finally went back to the gym and I left almost unable to walk without passing out. Like physically the blood was thundering and I thought I'd actually lose consciousness. So yeah, it's not sustainable. I look fine though on the outside.
You have to stop the drinking for a bit at least. The Naked Mind helped me. I do take Adderall because I have ADD but less caffeine and actual food helps me not think I'm about to pass out and die.
Anyway, the deaths were why I was doing this, I think. You know what to do, I can see in your question you know exactly what you can do, but maybe we're similar and we don't think we deserve to do those things and not kill ourselves inadvertently. Work isn't helping. You know this isn't sustainable so what has to change?
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 10:40 PM on August 3, 2019
I used to be in pretty good shape. Very strong. I knew things were not trending well, but... I finally went back to the gym and I left almost unable to walk without passing out. Like physically the blood was thundering and I thought I'd actually lose consciousness. So yeah, it's not sustainable. I look fine though on the outside.
You have to stop the drinking for a bit at least. The Naked Mind helped me. I do take Adderall because I have ADD but less caffeine and actual food helps me not think I'm about to pass out and die.
Anyway, the deaths were why I was doing this, I think. You know what to do, I can see in your question you know exactly what you can do, but maybe we're similar and we don't think we deserve to do those things and not kill ourselves inadvertently. Work isn't helping. You know this isn't sustainable so what has to change?
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 10:40 PM on August 3, 2019
In my experience socializing with colleagues did not help with burnout, nor did cutting back the volume of work because I was still checking my email constantly anyway. What do you do when you're turned off from work entirely, if you do at all? If it's drink, a) I relate b) I did find that if I cut out caffeine + stimulants + alcohol entirely for a day or two (and it kind of had to be all three at once, or I was just even more depressed) I slept way, way more (and with better quality sleep) than I realized I needed to. c) I also found that the idea of returning to work without that mixture was unbearable, because burnout is about the environment and not the behaviors. YMMV.
V simple answer: if it's too much, do more of what you are already doing to cope and know helps. Maybe add in therapy as a first-line change.
posted by ahundredjarsofsky at 5:06 AM on August 4, 2019
V simple answer: if it's too much, do more of what you are already doing to cope and know helps. Maybe add in therapy as a first-line change.
posted by ahundredjarsofsky at 5:06 AM on August 4, 2019
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posted by koahiatamadl at 3:05 AM on August 3, 2019 [4 favorites]