sparking my soul.
March 1, 2006 8:12 PM Subscribe
recently discarded, i'm on a mission to do some "soul searching." how does one find their soul?
I think you go looking for it, then stop and ask yourself this question, then give up the whole lark and do something else, and then it finds you.
posted by pompomtom at 8:51 PM on March 1, 2006
posted by pompomtom at 8:51 PM on March 1, 2006
The problem with soul searching is that, unless you are really good at it, you can end up just beating yourself up for no real reason. It's like a lot of shoulda, coulda, woulda.
Take frogan's advice and just open yourself up to where you want to go. And then go there.
posted by qwip at 8:52 PM on March 1, 2006
Take frogan's advice and just open yourself up to where you want to go. And then go there.
posted by qwip at 8:52 PM on March 1, 2006
I see it as finding out what makes you happy, what fulfills you, what you most enjoy, etc, in conjunction with lots of going over past actions and things and seeing if there were missteps or mistakes or bad patterns that you can try to fix next time.
posted by amberglow at 9:00 PM on March 1, 2006
posted by amberglow at 9:00 PM on March 1, 2006
1) Meditation.
2) Interesting drugs.
3) Shopping.
What does "discarded" mean?
posted by Caviar at 9:06 PM on March 1, 2006
2) Interesting drugs.
3) Shopping.
What does "discarded" mean?
posted by Caviar at 9:06 PM on March 1, 2006
Response by poster: discarded = thrown back into the heap of single women.
posted by kooop at 9:08 PM on March 1, 2006
posted by kooop at 9:08 PM on March 1, 2006
You don't have a soul. None of us do. What you can do is sit down and think about the people you've met, the situations you've read about, the principles others have, and the qualities of the inanimate of which you are aware. From these - with creative mixing and matching of attributes - you can filter out the dross and make your personality and your self into an aggregate of what you admire in the world around you.
Calling your collective internal states a 'soul' only ascribes some otherworldly hand-waving mysticism that's just completely unnecessary.
posted by Ryvar at 9:33 PM on March 1, 2006
Calling your collective internal states a 'soul' only ascribes some otherworldly hand-waving mysticism that's just completely unnecessary.
posted by Ryvar at 9:33 PM on March 1, 2006
I think it's handy shorthand, Ryvar--one word that describes an awful lot.
posted by amberglow at 9:49 PM on March 1, 2006
posted by amberglow at 9:49 PM on March 1, 2006
Travel. Read. Learn. Learn more about something you enjoy (coffee, beer, a particular author). Deprive yourself of some everyday thing you take for granted for a while.
The thing you're really looking to do is to see the world around you differently, out of context of your previous everyday life. And not just for a moment, but for an extended period.
Meditation isn't bad, and if you've got the psychological chops for it I'm sure the drugs are fine, but honestly, it's all about changing your literal perception of the world.
You may find, like Ryvar points out, that you don't have a soul, but that you're a soulful person nevertheless. But, as an atheist, and as an INFP, "soul searching" is all my entire life from front to back is all about in some ways. Just because I don't believe in it doesn't mean I'm going to stop looking for it. :)
posted by smallerdemon at 11:29 PM on March 1, 2006
The thing you're really looking to do is to see the world around you differently, out of context of your previous everyday life. And not just for a moment, but for an extended period.
Meditation isn't bad, and if you've got the psychological chops for it I'm sure the drugs are fine, but honestly, it's all about changing your literal perception of the world.
You may find, like Ryvar points out, that you don't have a soul, but that you're a soulful person nevertheless. But, as an atheist, and as an INFP, "soul searching" is all my entire life from front to back is all about in some ways. Just because I don't believe in it doesn't mean I'm going to stop looking for it. :)
posted by smallerdemon at 11:29 PM on March 1, 2006
Spend a week at Esalen. If the company of fellow seekers doesn't help you out, then the light and space of Big Sur will get you closer to what's important.
posted by grahamwell at 3:27 AM on March 2, 2006
posted by grahamwell at 3:27 AM on March 2, 2006
Travel. By yourself.
I agree with the person(s) upthread who said if you find your passion, you find your soul. The math I've done here, and forgive me if I've done it wrong: you were dumped + now you're searching for your soul = you weren't in a place of great "self love" to start with.
While I'm sorry for your ended relationship, I think you're in a better place if you're asking these questions and willing to "pursue yourself".
posted by ersatzkat at 3:31 AM on March 2, 2006
I agree with the person(s) upthread who said if you find your passion, you find your soul. The math I've done here, and forgive me if I've done it wrong: you were dumped + now you're searching for your soul = you weren't in a place of great "self love" to start with.
While I'm sorry for your ended relationship, I think you're in a better place if you're asking these questions and willing to "pursue yourself".
posted by ersatzkat at 3:31 AM on March 2, 2006
On principle, I'd like to agree with Ryvar, upthread. But some people of my experience do seem possessed of something the rest of us seemingly lack. Perhaps it's only a greater measure of a combination of natural empathy and intelligence than usual, giving them what appears to be an ability to hear wind the rest of us can't. At the ends of their lives, my parents had this quality, and I was surprised to see it in them, but there it was. What they said they believed, they did, and it transformed them, and they were more, just as they became less and less, and then nothing. I can't say it more simply, or clearer, and I was glad for them, at their ends. But I don't know what to make of all that, though I stood with each of them, and kissed them, in the last day they were, each of them, last spring.
I do know that I don't have a soul, having looked for it extensively, in smoky bars, in far away lands, in Jerusalem, and in churches, cathedrals and temples of every description all over the planet. I've been to Bethlehem, to Stonehenge, to Mexican pyramids, tall waterfalls, and Yosemite; to Masada and Gettysburg and Verdun and Auschwitz and Hiroshima, and to the bedsides of people I loved as they lay dying, and if I had a soul, I feel certain I would have seen its shadow or its glow in some day's first light, or some night's long shadow. But it's always been just me and my questions.
You've got to be prepared for that, if you go looking, in all seriousness. You might look, and find nothing. Would you be OK with that?
I think that, for some people, a vague notion that they do have something about themselves, unexplored, unknown, is better than some certainty that what they know of themselves is all there is. I can see that admitting to yourself your own mortality, your own impermanence, your own insignificance is terrifying to some, so much that they can't think that, much less accept it as a reality. This life can't be permanent, and yet, we feel that knowing that, we should get some meta-ticket to eternity. Makes no sense, but it doesn't stop us from wanting wishes from genies, or redemption, and on random Tuesday mornings at the beach with a new dawn lighting the sky, I have some longings to be the light, still, myself.
But I'm not. No matter how I spread my arms, I never rise from the sand, simply, like a gull. I don't belong anywhere but plodding in the sand, and looking back, looking forward, looking all around, the only footprints leading to me are my own. I obey in all cases the law of gravity as if I invented it, and any dreams I have of eternity are just transient neurochemical patterns expressing millivolt electrical noise of short duration in my head. I write, but it is not poetry; I sing, but it is not music; I know better than to try dancing again.
And I'm OK with that, finally.
As for directly answering your question, "how does one find their soul?" maybe I'm not the right person to be replying. I looked the best ways I knew, and tried to be honest in following many paths suggested to me. I came up craps in the investigation. Either I wasn't successful finding my soul, or I didn't have one, or I couldn't have accepted the one I do have if I had found it. Interested parties could make compelling cases for any of those views, and through the discipline of philosophy, many have tried throughout the ages. I think you've got to first find some method that connects the person you are to your questions, but it could be that I'm just being hopelessly pedantic. Maybe, as others have suggested, it's not about trying in the first place. All I can say is, I tried not trying, too, for a long time. Didn't seem to be much more effective than looking overtly, but YMMV.
Maybe you could start by trying to figure out why, at this point in your life, you want to go about finding your soul in the first place. Do you think you had one at some point, but have mislaid it? Do you not know if you have one now, or ever had one at all? Do you feel you have one, but you've neglected to get it out and see what its condition and size really are? This are not small or frivolous questions, and they might not even be the right ones to begin with.
Throughout the ages, many have felt you have to assume the existence of your own spirituality, and practice the nuture of something you can only assume exists, in order for it to become real. This, I think is what the Bhudda was getting at, and maybe what my own parents experienced. If they were right, you may need help, even professional help, in your quest. There's nothing wrong that I can think of, with seeking such help and advice. Not everyone can look for their souls alone, and to put a personal note of recommendation to this, I've learned a lot from many holy people and believers. But nothing about a soul I now don't think I ever have had. Again, YMMV, but if you haven't been to church, or temple, or shrine in a while, don't be a stranger if you feel you could go now, with a quiet heart.
Or, you could try reading, or hunting big game animals in far off places. Or painting, singing, dancing, drinking, cussing, screwing, or writing. Or all of them, at once, as Hemmingway recommended. Whether successful or not, you could resolve to leave memoirs, as guideposts to others who come on similar quests through territory you cover, and in that way, if no other, make your quest of lasting value.
Or, you could just post small questions in Internet forums, and get answers from unqualified folk of little experience in these matters, hoping that 30,000+ monkeys at keyboards will eventually produce The Answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything. But as one who has spent countless hours looking through Usenet and Google for wisdom, all I can say is, it's slim pickings in cyberspace for what you seek.
posted by paulsc at 4:23 AM on March 2, 2006 [2 favorites]
I do know that I don't have a soul, having looked for it extensively, in smoky bars, in far away lands, in Jerusalem, and in churches, cathedrals and temples of every description all over the planet. I've been to Bethlehem, to Stonehenge, to Mexican pyramids, tall waterfalls, and Yosemite; to Masada and Gettysburg and Verdun and Auschwitz and Hiroshima, and to the bedsides of people I loved as they lay dying, and if I had a soul, I feel certain I would have seen its shadow or its glow in some day's first light, or some night's long shadow. But it's always been just me and my questions.
You've got to be prepared for that, if you go looking, in all seriousness. You might look, and find nothing. Would you be OK with that?
I think that, for some people, a vague notion that they do have something about themselves, unexplored, unknown, is better than some certainty that what they know of themselves is all there is. I can see that admitting to yourself your own mortality, your own impermanence, your own insignificance is terrifying to some, so much that they can't think that, much less accept it as a reality. This life can't be permanent, and yet, we feel that knowing that, we should get some meta-ticket to eternity. Makes no sense, but it doesn't stop us from wanting wishes from genies, or redemption, and on random Tuesday mornings at the beach with a new dawn lighting the sky, I have some longings to be the light, still, myself.
But I'm not. No matter how I spread my arms, I never rise from the sand, simply, like a gull. I don't belong anywhere but plodding in the sand, and looking back, looking forward, looking all around, the only footprints leading to me are my own. I obey in all cases the law of gravity as if I invented it, and any dreams I have of eternity are just transient neurochemical patterns expressing millivolt electrical noise of short duration in my head. I write, but it is not poetry; I sing, but it is not music; I know better than to try dancing again.
And I'm OK with that, finally.
As for directly answering your question, "how does one find their soul?" maybe I'm not the right person to be replying. I looked the best ways I knew, and tried to be honest in following many paths suggested to me. I came up craps in the investigation. Either I wasn't successful finding my soul, or I didn't have one, or I couldn't have accepted the one I do have if I had found it. Interested parties could make compelling cases for any of those views, and through the discipline of philosophy, many have tried throughout the ages. I think you've got to first find some method that connects the person you are to your questions, but it could be that I'm just being hopelessly pedantic. Maybe, as others have suggested, it's not about trying in the first place. All I can say is, I tried not trying, too, for a long time. Didn't seem to be much more effective than looking overtly, but YMMV.
Maybe you could start by trying to figure out why, at this point in your life, you want to go about finding your soul in the first place. Do you think you had one at some point, but have mislaid it? Do you not know if you have one now, or ever had one at all? Do you feel you have one, but you've neglected to get it out and see what its condition and size really are? This are not small or frivolous questions, and they might not even be the right ones to begin with.
Throughout the ages, many have felt you have to assume the existence of your own spirituality, and practice the nuture of something you can only assume exists, in order for it to become real. This, I think is what the Bhudda was getting at, and maybe what my own parents experienced. If they were right, you may need help, even professional help, in your quest. There's nothing wrong that I can think of, with seeking such help and advice. Not everyone can look for their souls alone, and to put a personal note of recommendation to this, I've learned a lot from many holy people and believers. But nothing about a soul I now don't think I ever have had. Again, YMMV, but if you haven't been to church, or temple, or shrine in a while, don't be a stranger if you feel you could go now, with a quiet heart.
Or, you could try reading, or hunting big game animals in far off places. Or painting, singing, dancing, drinking, cussing, screwing, or writing. Or all of them, at once, as Hemmingway recommended. Whether successful or not, you could resolve to leave memoirs, as guideposts to others who come on similar quests through territory you cover, and in that way, if no other, make your quest of lasting value.
Or, you could just post small questions in Internet forums, and get answers from unqualified folk of little experience in these matters, hoping that 30,000+ monkeys at keyboards will eventually produce The Answer to Life, The Universe, and Everything. But as one who has spent countless hours looking through Usenet and Google for wisdom, all I can say is, it's slim pickings in cyberspace for what you seek.
posted by paulsc at 4:23 AM on March 2, 2006 [2 favorites]
Nothing to add except that, paulsc, that was an amazing piece of writing!
posted by sk381 at 4:46 AM on March 2, 2006
posted by sk381 at 4:46 AM on March 2, 2006
I was in a similar place about 4 years ago. After college, I found myself at a loss for direction. The steps were all so clearly set out in front of me up until that point and I had no clue what I really wanted to do with my life.
The only way I could think of to "discover my soul" was to be alone with myself. I was living in a town where I knew no one my own age and the only thing that I had was my job. Other than that I spent all of my time reading, writing and reflecting. By the end of three months of solitude I was able to make a few steps towards getting the life that I wanted.
Looking back on it now, I realize that it was a very lonely time. But I realized that if I didn't like myself, no one else every would. I made some mistakes along the way, but I've ended up in a relationship with a man I truly love. I found a job that I enjoy and a circle of friends that are fun, kind and supportive.
It's not an easy road - but it is absolutely worth it. Good luck!
posted by elvissa at 6:04 AM on March 2, 2006
The only way I could think of to "discover my soul" was to be alone with myself. I was living in a town where I knew no one my own age and the only thing that I had was my job. Other than that I spent all of my time reading, writing and reflecting. By the end of three months of solitude I was able to make a few steps towards getting the life that I wanted.
Looking back on it now, I realize that it was a very lonely time. But I realized that if I didn't like myself, no one else every would. I made some mistakes along the way, but I've ended up in a relationship with a man I truly love. I found a job that I enjoy and a circle of friends that are fun, kind and supportive.
It's not an easy road - but it is absolutely worth it. Good luck!
posted by elvissa at 6:04 AM on March 2, 2006
After breaking up with the girl I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with, I went in search of my soul. I looked for it in alcohol and food and parties and other women, in work, in other countries and all in vain. One day I sat down, closed my eyes and stopped looking and did this every day. Pretty soon I found that I'd been looking everywhere for my self and soul but in me. Meditate, my friend. Sit down somewhere quiet, close your eyes and just breathe. Think of nothing but your breathing and let everything else go. All that remains is you, without all the bullshit and defences and worries and it's a pure and shining thing. Your days will become clearer and answers come quicker. You stop dwelling on the past and worrying about the future and begin to enjoy NOW. Which really is all there is.
posted by brautigan at 6:08 AM on March 2, 2006
posted by brautigan at 6:08 AM on March 2, 2006
Learn to be by yourself, without cheap distractions that just "fill time."
Meditation is the epitome of this. Also good: long walks in interesting places, *good* books and movies (as in, something that challenges you, not just entertains you), yoga or other mindful physical activity, sitting in new places and staring into space, keeping a journal, psychotherapy, writing pen-on-paper letters (whether you send them or not), cooking good food from scratch, travel, any new hobby that doesn't involve computers or tv but focuses instead on the real physical world.
Try to avoid things you use as a crutch to kill time. That'll probably include the internet, tv, drinking, eating a bunch of junky food, reading crappy books -- anything that sets your brain to "off" and lets you coast.
Try as many new things as you can handle, then recognize your limitations and cut back on those things you're not enjoying. Expand the stuff you do enjoy, and keep challenging yourself with it.
When you talk about yourself, talk well about yourself. Don't brag, but don't put yourself down or denigrate your life or accomplishments. We all have limitations, but there's no need to define yourself by them -- they are not, no matter what our neurotic culture says, the most interesting thing about you. (In fact, they're pretty boring.)
Know that you can -- and will -- change, for better or worse depending on how you live your life. Resolve to surround yourself with challenges that will make you better.
posted by occhiblu at 8:48 AM on March 2, 2006
Meditation is the epitome of this. Also good: long walks in interesting places, *good* books and movies (as in, something that challenges you, not just entertains you), yoga or other mindful physical activity, sitting in new places and staring into space, keeping a journal, psychotherapy, writing pen-on-paper letters (whether you send them or not), cooking good food from scratch, travel, any new hobby that doesn't involve computers or tv but focuses instead on the real physical world.
Try to avoid things you use as a crutch to kill time. That'll probably include the internet, tv, drinking, eating a bunch of junky food, reading crappy books -- anything that sets your brain to "off" and lets you coast.
Try as many new things as you can handle, then recognize your limitations and cut back on those things you're not enjoying. Expand the stuff you do enjoy, and keep challenging yourself with it.
When you talk about yourself, talk well about yourself. Don't brag, but don't put yourself down or denigrate your life or accomplishments. We all have limitations, but there's no need to define yourself by them -- they are not, no matter what our neurotic culture says, the most interesting thing about you. (In fact, they're pretty boring.)
Know that you can -- and will -- change, for better or worse depending on how you live your life. Resolve to surround yourself with challenges that will make you better.
posted by occhiblu at 8:48 AM on March 2, 2006
paul, your post proved you do have a soul, i think. : >
posted by amberglow at 9:02 AM on March 2, 2006
posted by amberglow at 9:02 AM on March 2, 2006
Contrary to the seek solitude advice, I'd suggest cultivating loving kindness as a way to find yourself. There is a huge "what you give, you receive" dynamic involved, something I didn't pick up on until very recently (and I'm 30). It doesn't have to be part of a meditation, there is much to be gained personally from paying attention to others rather than yourself and the rewards of giving friendship are invaluable. Spend time with people, share, listen and show respect and you'll find much fulfillment and new depths within yourself.
posted by brautigan at 9:42 AM on March 2, 2006
posted by brautigan at 9:42 AM on March 2, 2006
A very inspiring group of responses!
See, this is why I love MeFi, and in particularly AskMeFi. It gives personality and human-ness to the internet.
Now if you'll excuse me, I must leave for a room without electronic buzz to close my eyes and see what will become...
posted by blastrid at 10:17 AM on March 2, 2006
See, this is why I love MeFi, and in particularly AskMeFi. It gives personality and human-ness to the internet.
Now if you'll excuse me, I must leave for a room without electronic buzz to close my eyes and see what will become...
posted by blastrid at 10:17 AM on March 2, 2006
The best way to get to know someone - I mean *really* get to know someone - is to get drunk with them.
This also applies to getting to know yourself.
posted by rocket88 at 10:35 AM on March 2, 2006
This also applies to getting to know yourself.
posted by rocket88 at 10:35 AM on March 2, 2006
I do know that I don't have a soul, having looked for it extensively, in smoky bars, in far away lands, in Jerusalem, and in churches, cathedrals and temples of every description all over the planet. I've been to Bethlehem, to Stonehenge, to Mexican pyramids, tall waterfalls, and Yosemite; to Masada and Gettysburg and Verdun and Auschwitz and Hiroshima, and to the bedsides of people I loved as they lay dying, and if I had a soul, I feel certain I would have seen its shadow or its glow in some day's first light, or some night's long shadow. But it's always been just me and my questions.
This is so cool that I'm saving it and throwing it into my journal.
I would add that I guess, for me, what I think of as my soul approximates "just me and my questions". Maybe it doesn't have to be something greater than that.
You might try writing some sort of journal or whatever - completely up to you whether it seems appropriate to keep it private, or to share it, or whatever. I find that writing things out when I'm muddled helps me to clarify what I'm really thinking. Ymmv.
Best of luck.
posted by beth at 7:27 PM on March 2, 2006
This is so cool that I'm saving it and throwing it into my journal.
I would add that I guess, for me, what I think of as my soul approximates "just me and my questions". Maybe it doesn't have to be something greater than that.
You might try writing some sort of journal or whatever - completely up to you whether it seems appropriate to keep it private, or to share it, or whatever. I find that writing things out when I'm muddled helps me to clarify what I'm really thinking. Ymmv.
Best of luck.
posted by beth at 7:27 PM on March 2, 2006
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What truth?
There is no spoon. Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
In other words, don't go looking, per se, so much as realize what you already have, or would like to have.
posted by frogan at 8:22 PM on March 1, 2006