Disposal of old pictures and similar items?
July 18, 2019 2:22 PM Subscribe
Boxes and boxes of old photos and family ephemera have defaulted to me. I've culled what can be/should be saved. What's left are duplicates, pictures of total strangers, random landscapes, and/or otherwise non-needed items. I cannot simply put it all out in the trash. I don't have any place to burn anything.
I know there are scanning or other "saving" options... but truly, that's not relevant. What needs to be saved will be saved. Now, I need to figure out how to dispose of the remaining items in a way that feels.. respectful. It's so sad to come across old photos in a thrift store or other similar location. I cannot imagine doing anything that might allow that to happen. There's no one else to consider, there are no other people to consult. I can decide and take action, once I know what that is. What to do?
I know there are scanning or other "saving" options... but truly, that's not relevant. What needs to be saved will be saved. Now, I need to figure out how to dispose of the remaining items in a way that feels.. respectful. It's so sad to come across old photos in a thrift store or other similar location. I cannot imagine doing anything that might allow that to happen. There's no one else to consider, there are no other people to consult. I can decide and take action, once I know what that is. What to do?
As someone who loves old photographs - even of pictures of people I don’t know, the thought of them being shredded makes me so sad. Perhaps you could contact a local genealogy organization and see if they would like them or knows someone who would appreciate them.
posted by ilovewinter at 2:48 PM on July 18, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by ilovewinter at 2:48 PM on July 18, 2019 [5 favorites]
It seems like this is more of an emotional than logistical issue. When you say you can't put them in the trash, do you mean you don't want to? You don't want them and don't want to give them to a thrift store... it does sound like this is trash, if sentimental trash.
Maybe this will be a bit woo, but is it possible to do some sort of closure ceremony but also to go ahead and put these things in the trash? Maybe you can thank the photos for what they provided you. You can respect what the people and memories in them meant to someone at one time. Perhaps you could buy a nice piece of fabric and wrap them?
We bury our loved ones in the ground. A landfill is a kind of burial for stuff. It's the ceremony around it that helps us let go.
The other option might be to see if someone, perhaps via CraigsList, might want them for some kind of art project. But I'd encourage you to reconsider your feelings around the trash. These old photos aren't the people in them, and you aren't helping them by keeping them.
posted by bluedaisy at 2:50 PM on July 18, 2019 [10 favorites]
Maybe this will be a bit woo, but is it possible to do some sort of closure ceremony but also to go ahead and put these things in the trash? Maybe you can thank the photos for what they provided you. You can respect what the people and memories in them meant to someone at one time. Perhaps you could buy a nice piece of fabric and wrap them?
We bury our loved ones in the ground. A landfill is a kind of burial for stuff. It's the ceremony around it that helps us let go.
The other option might be to see if someone, perhaps via CraigsList, might want them for some kind of art project. But I'd encourage you to reconsider your feelings around the trash. These old photos aren't the people in them, and you aren't helping them by keeping them.
posted by bluedaisy at 2:50 PM on July 18, 2019 [10 favorites]
Best answer: It's a challenge. I grew up in the generation that was told we were ruining the environment if we tossed out things that still could be used and it's taken me decades to not have a "plastic bag problem" or other similar thing. A few suggestions...
1. I know you say you do not have a place to burn anything but is it a thing you might be okay subcontracting? That is, you put everything in a box, you say thank you to your stuff and/or add a note about the stuff and then give it to someone else to burn?
2. Along these lines, my sister and I (both unmarried and without children) sometimes do this thing for the other which we call The Magic Disappearing Car where we'll just bundle stuff into our car and say "I know just the place for this" and then the thing... disappears. The only rule is you can't ask where it goes.
3. If it's paper, some of it, you could actually crunch it all up and make paper from some of it. Nothing you'd really want to use for stuff probably but it would be a project, you'd wind up with a thing at the end of it, and you would know what happened to your family stuff and in fact would still, sort of, have some of it.
4. I was surprised when I friend contacted me and they had some random diaries (really just "this is what the weather was like") from mid last century and asked "Wo would want these?" and while thinking the answer was "no one" I did ask my friend at the state historical society who said "Oh we love that sort of thing!" so there might be a place for some of it.
At some level though, you know that the issue here is emotional and not logistical. And you have to sort of weigh those against each other. You can keep them, but there are reasons you don't want to. You can throw them out, but there are reasons you don't want to. Think about pitting those reasons against one another to see if you can figure out ways to help satisfy at least some of both of those desires. And, lastly, as someone who is managing a lot of this (two parents worth of stuff, no one but me and my sis) if this is the result of a semi-recent loss, maybe just give yourself some time. I am much more comfort6able getting rid of my father's things now that he's been gone eight years, but I sure wasn't before. So think about the time element and see if that might help this situation at all.
posted by jessamyn at 2:52 PM on July 18, 2019 [19 favorites]
1. I know you say you do not have a place to burn anything but is it a thing you might be okay subcontracting? That is, you put everything in a box, you say thank you to your stuff and/or add a note about the stuff and then give it to someone else to burn?
2. Along these lines, my sister and I (both unmarried and without children) sometimes do this thing for the other which we call The Magic Disappearing Car where we'll just bundle stuff into our car and say "I know just the place for this" and then the thing... disappears. The only rule is you can't ask where it goes.
3. If it's paper, some of it, you could actually crunch it all up and make paper from some of it. Nothing you'd really want to use for stuff probably but it would be a project, you'd wind up with a thing at the end of it, and you would know what happened to your family stuff and in fact would still, sort of, have some of it.
4. I was surprised when I friend contacted me and they had some random diaries (really just "this is what the weather was like") from mid last century and asked "Wo would want these?" and while thinking the answer was "no one" I did ask my friend at the state historical society who said "Oh we love that sort of thing!" so there might be a place for some of it.
At some level though, you know that the issue here is emotional and not logistical. And you have to sort of weigh those against each other. You can keep them, but there are reasons you don't want to. You can throw them out, but there are reasons you don't want to. Think about pitting those reasons against one another to see if you can figure out ways to help satisfy at least some of both of those desires. And, lastly, as someone who is managing a lot of this (two parents worth of stuff, no one but me and my sis) if this is the result of a semi-recent loss, maybe just give yourself some time. I am much more comfort6able getting rid of my father's things now that he's been gone eight years, but I sure wasn't before. So think about the time element and see if that might help this situation at all.
posted by jessamyn at 2:52 PM on July 18, 2019 [19 favorites]
Best answer: If you want to burn it and it's stuff you can safely burn, rent a park pavilion or campsite with a fire ring? Optionally bring someone along and/or have a ritual about it.
posted by momus_window at 3:00 PM on July 18, 2019 [5 favorites]
posted by momus_window at 3:00 PM on July 18, 2019 [5 favorites]
I sometimes buy photos of strangers in antique stores or thrift stores. I assure you that I treasure them. I think about those people, even though I don’t know who they are. To me, those photographs are art. So you might want to reconsider whether going to someone like me is such a sad fate.
posted by FencingGal at 3:06 PM on July 18, 2019 [18 favorites]
posted by FencingGal at 3:06 PM on July 18, 2019 [18 favorites]
Anything that you have info on--names, dates, locations--might be welcome by a local historical society. They are often looking for photos of people and places in the past.
It wouldn't take care of all of them, but it might ensure that as much use is gotten from the collection as possible.
posted by gideonfrog at 3:13 PM on July 18, 2019 [4 favorites]
It wouldn't take care of all of them, but it might ensure that as much use is gotten from the collection as possible.
posted by gideonfrog at 3:13 PM on July 18, 2019 [4 favorites]
Schools in your neighborhood/ city might want them for art classes and programs. If you are ok with the photos eventually being cut up and made into art.
posted by JennyJupiter at 3:17 PM on July 18, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by JennyJupiter at 3:17 PM on July 18, 2019 [3 favorites]
This is a really hard one for me. My mother distributed most photos and papers directly relevant to each of us children, e.g., old report cards and similar. Most of what was left came to me. I am fortunate that my parents identified most of the people in the old photos and a lot photos that didn't feature very familiar people and places were culled by them.
I understand the sadness at seeing old family photos in thrift shops and antique/collectibles markets. I have come across a website or two where people put up old photos of people and ask the hivemind to try to identify them. It can be surprising how many of those photos get identified.
I would contact city, county and.or state historical societies because even when the names of specific people aren't known, historical societies can use them as examples of something shown in the photograph -- clothing, a sewing machine, etc. Especially if any of the pictures are branded by a photography studio, or are funeral cards.
Anecdata: My mother was born in a town in Montana where her parents homesteaded. The town was destroyed in a hailstorm in 1922 and most people left. The community ceased to be an actual town. One of my grandfather's brothers stayed along with his daughter who had been injured in a farm accident and while researching my family history I found that his family bible and some papers are at the State Historical Society. We were able to get copies of the letters and other papers.
Also while researching family history, I came across some old family photos that had been posted by a cousin to one of the genealogy sites and I have some of the same photos and was able to identify some of my family members in those photos. Other photos and papers have shown up in various places and it is always makes me happy.
I love the old photos and ephemera in our local antiques/vintage collectibles stores. Everyone I know who purchases these remnants of someone's past collects them for some aspect and treasures them in some way. In that sense the people live on.
posted by Altomentis at 3:31 PM on July 18, 2019 [4 favorites]
I understand the sadness at seeing old family photos in thrift shops and antique/collectibles markets. I have come across a website or two where people put up old photos of people and ask the hivemind to try to identify them. It can be surprising how many of those photos get identified.
I would contact city, county and.or state historical societies because even when the names of specific people aren't known, historical societies can use them as examples of something shown in the photograph -- clothing, a sewing machine, etc. Especially if any of the pictures are branded by a photography studio, or are funeral cards.
Anecdata: My mother was born in a town in Montana where her parents homesteaded. The town was destroyed in a hailstorm in 1922 and most people left. The community ceased to be an actual town. One of my grandfather's brothers stayed along with his daughter who had been injured in a farm accident and while researching my family history I found that his family bible and some papers are at the State Historical Society. We were able to get copies of the letters and other papers.
Also while researching family history, I came across some old family photos that had been posted by a cousin to one of the genealogy sites and I have some of the same photos and was able to identify some of my family members in those photos. Other photos and papers have shown up in various places and it is always makes me happy.
I love the old photos and ephemera in our local antiques/vintage collectibles stores. Everyone I know who purchases these remnants of someone's past collects them for some aspect and treasures them in some way. In that sense the people live on.
posted by Altomentis at 3:31 PM on July 18, 2019 [4 favorites]
There are a few businesses in my area that do bulk shredding. It's my understanding that at least some of the paper that shred gets recycled. If that sounds interesting to you at all, you can Google your city name + "bulk shredding." That's how I found my local options.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:39 PM on July 18, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:39 PM on July 18, 2019 [1 favorite]
Sell them on ebay and give the money to your favorite charity. sell it as a box, a
"vintage photo lot"
posted by cda at 6:22 PM on July 18, 2019 [3 favorites]
"vintage photo lot"
posted by cda at 6:22 PM on July 18, 2019 [3 favorites]
Best answer: I inherited all the family pictures on my mother's side, and they were prolific picture-takers.
What I did was sit with the trunk full of photographs for about 1/2 hr at a time. If I wanted to stick with it longer I stayed with it longer, but having a smallish window helped the project be much less overwhelming.
I saved photos of people I KNEW knew. Random dog pictures or cornfield pictures or pictures taken looking out of airplane windows or strangers - tossed. I set aside photo piles for each of my siblings of pictures they each might want to have (i.e. baby pics). I also made a pile for specific extended relatives who might want to have the picture of the family reunion in 1970whatever. The rest went to the garbage bin.
FWIW, I found it extremely taxing, felt like I was bearing the responsibility for multiple generations of family history. Just take a little at a time, it took howmanyyears to amass them, there's no hurry now.
posted by mcbeth at 6:38 PM on July 18, 2019 [6 favorites]
What I did was sit with the trunk full of photographs for about 1/2 hr at a time. If I wanted to stick with it longer I stayed with it longer, but having a smallish window helped the project be much less overwhelming.
I saved photos of people I KNEW knew. Random dog pictures or cornfield pictures or pictures taken looking out of airplane windows or strangers - tossed. I set aside photo piles for each of my siblings of pictures they each might want to have (i.e. baby pics). I also made a pile for specific extended relatives who might want to have the picture of the family reunion in 1970whatever. The rest went to the garbage bin.
FWIW, I found it extremely taxing, felt like I was bearing the responsibility for multiple generations of family history. Just take a little at a time, it took howmanyyears to amass them, there's no hurry now.
posted by mcbeth at 6:38 PM on July 18, 2019 [6 favorites]
I would totally love something like that to give students inspiration for a writing project. Do you have any teacher friends/acquaintances who may be interested in giving the photos a second life through their students' creative work?
posted by WaspEnterprises at 7:16 PM on July 18, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by WaspEnterprises at 7:16 PM on July 18, 2019 [1 favorite]
My wife and I are childless by choice. Last summer we took a week off to declutter the basement and I realised I had become the custodian of my dead father's things, my dead mother's things, my dead father's father's things, and my dead father's dead mother's things. It was hard going through those old things, and trying to decide if they had any value other than emotionally to me. I eventually filled a box with things from my grandparents to send to my cousins on the same side of the family who do have children.
[side story: before I sent the box to the cousin I thought was most responsible, she found out she isn't my cousin by doing a DNA test. She's still my cousin in my eyes, and she still will get the things.]
I ended up taking most old things to the recycling center, but I do still have (not quite a year yet!) the photos. My plan is to have a fire one evening when I am alone, and sort through the photos and my feelings before adding them to the fire. [Why do I have a Ben Folds Five song in my head?]
Good luck.
shout out to jessamyn who came over and helped declutter our basement freeing me up to deal with the emotional things
posted by terrapin at 6:30 AM on July 19, 2019 [3 favorites]
[side story: before I sent the box to the cousin I thought was most responsible, she found out she isn't my cousin by doing a DNA test. She's still my cousin in my eyes, and she still will get the things.]
I ended up taking most old things to the recycling center, but I do still have (not quite a year yet!) the photos. My plan is to have a fire one evening when I am alone, and sort through the photos and my feelings before adding them to the fire. [Why do I have a Ben Folds Five song in my head?]
Good luck.
shout out to jessamyn who came over and helped declutter our basement freeing me up to deal with the emotional things
posted by terrapin at 6:30 AM on July 19, 2019 [3 favorites]
(Before you all go burning photos, please make sure there's not terribly toxic things in the paper or ink that might hurt your lungs.)
posted by bluedaisy at 2:25 PM on July 19, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by bluedaisy at 2:25 PM on July 19, 2019 [1 favorite]
I've been an archivist for a decade, and I'm here to state that being a professional doesn't make this process any easier when it comes to having to do it for your family. I had to clean out my Dad's condo when he moved into assisted living last year and ended up having to throw out boxes of family photos from distant relatives who died long before I came along. I took what I wanted - what connected me to my Dad, or pictures of people I didn't get to meet but I knew enough about to appreciate it. And then we brought in an estate disposal company to throw out the rest.
Perhaps the key here is getting a third-party to throw it out for you? Maybe you ask a friend to take it all away, put it out in their garbage or dumpster. I think it's that final act that is most difficult. Identify your most minimalist and unsentimental friend, and offer to buy them a 6-pack and let them carry it out.
So if you need permission from someone who organizes similar things for a living, consider it granted. One of the best archivists I've ever known stated "good archivists know what to keep, but the best archivists know what to throw out." Adopt that mindset.
posted by mostly vowels at 5:28 AM on July 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
Perhaps the key here is getting a third-party to throw it out for you? Maybe you ask a friend to take it all away, put it out in their garbage or dumpster. I think it's that final act that is most difficult. Identify your most minimalist and unsentimental friend, and offer to buy them a 6-pack and let them carry it out.
So if you need permission from someone who organizes similar things for a living, consider it granted. One of the best archivists I've ever known stated "good archivists know what to keep, but the best archivists know what to throw out." Adopt that mindset.
posted by mostly vowels at 5:28 AM on July 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
BTW since I am seeing a lot of well-meaning suggestions to give this to historical societies.... most archives have massive backlogs and not enough people to process things.
Archives are not "old stuff Goodwill" and it's not ideal to put archivists into a position where they feel like they have to break your heart. We got a lot of folks who can't keep the stuff, but think SOMEONE SHOULD, and then get shitty with us when we say it's not in our collecting mission.
Your local archives' mileage may vary, so check with them first. But in general, these are things that make possibly useful donations to archives:
-super identifiable and rare-ish printed material (a yearbook from a well-known high school that closed down 20 years ago but had lots of famous alumni? yes! a copy of the New York Times from the moon landing when there is definitely microfilm of that in almost every research library? no!)
-diaries with clearly dated entries that talked about events in the larger world, not solely interior ramblings
-photographs of places that are clearly identified (location and date), especially of places that no longer exist (pictures of a neighborhood that was paved over for a big highway project? yes!). Images of people are probably only useful if there is some context for *why* this could be useful for future researchers. Was it one of the first families from an initial wave of immigration that has now established a distinct ethnic enclave in your city? These can be very useful!
Note the common thread here: things that are fairly well-identified. This is not always the case for many family archives. If you reach out to a local historical society or archive, please be honest about the state of the items.
posted by mostly vowels at 5:42 AM on July 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
Archives are not "old stuff Goodwill" and it's not ideal to put archivists into a position where they feel like they have to break your heart. We got a lot of folks who can't keep the stuff, but think SOMEONE SHOULD, and then get shitty with us when we say it's not in our collecting mission.
Your local archives' mileage may vary, so check with them first. But in general, these are things that make possibly useful donations to archives:
-super identifiable and rare-ish printed material (a yearbook from a well-known high school that closed down 20 years ago but had lots of famous alumni? yes! a copy of the New York Times from the moon landing when there is definitely microfilm of that in almost every research library? no!)
-diaries with clearly dated entries that talked about events in the larger world, not solely interior ramblings
-photographs of places that are clearly identified (location and date), especially of places that no longer exist (pictures of a neighborhood that was paved over for a big highway project? yes!). Images of people are probably only useful if there is some context for *why* this could be useful for future researchers. Was it one of the first families from an initial wave of immigration that has now established a distinct ethnic enclave in your city? These can be very useful!
Note the common thread here: things that are fairly well-identified. This is not always the case for many family archives. If you reach out to a local historical society or archive, please be honest about the state of the items.
posted by mostly vowels at 5:42 AM on July 20, 2019 [3 favorites]
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It’s hard isn’t it?
posted by SLC Mom at 2:28 PM on July 18, 2019 [4 favorites]