Tween weight loss
June 7, 2019 8:18 AM   Subscribe

My 10 year old has expressed a desire to lose weight. Specifically, he wants his belly to extend less. (Details inside.) What methods would actually work at this age? Time and money are limited around here, so I only want to embark on a process that will work (vs, say, sign him up for rock climbing at $30/hr and not get any results). What dietary changes and exercise changes will actually work?

Details:

1. Does he need to lose weight? Yeah, he probably could stand to drop 10-15 pounds. I haven't weighed him (his checkup isn't till August and we don't have a habit of weighing ourselves around here), but he is wearing clothes a size up in order to accommodate his belly.

2. How did the weight gain happen? He has been chubby from babyhood, but this year he looks more chubby than usual. He loooooooves food and looks forward to every meal and always wants to eat the whole pizza. He eats lots of fruits and vegetables. He has no soda, no juice, no fast food, no candy. We probably go out for ice cream twice a month. But I would say that his appetite is what got him to this spot.

3. Exercise: walking, yoga (1x per week), tennis (1x per week), bike/scooter (1x per week). Doesn't like running or team sports.
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (37 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
First, I don't know your kid, but I have a now 17-year-old beanpole of a son who was a 10-13 year old fireplug, to the point where he was getting weird about his body and I was a little concerned about his weight and a lot concerned about how he was feeling. I put a lot of effort into counteracting the bad feelings, which are a huge injury to the kid regardless of the objective facts about his body weight. But in my kid's case, we were also just kind of wrong about the weight -- in retrospect his body was doing a kind of two-step growth spurt, getting wide before he got tall.

Food-wise, I'd be thinking about what you as a family are eating rather than about how much he specifically is eating. Your description makes it sound fine, but if on thinking about it more you could all be eating more vegetables/whole foods generally and less in the way of refined carbs/processed foods, that could be an avenue for improvement. Physical activity-wise, is there anything the two of you could do together? H and I did a Couch to 5K, and ran together off and on for a couple of years after that (until suddenly I had no hope at all of keeping up. Stupid teenage boys and their 36" inseams.) That specifically sounds like it won't work for him, but can you play tennis with him more? Go hiking together?

But really, I think you want to work hard to sell the idea that nutrition and exercise are important for health and strength and happiness, but weight and body shape are not particularly important in themselves. You want to him to be happy and not nuts about this stuff, and being not nuts about this stuff is hard in America these days.
posted by LizardBreath at 8:46 AM on June 7, 2019 [33 favorites]


Please talk to his doctor. Just his doctor. Kids are healthy when kids are emotionally happy and accepting of themselves first and foremost. Yes, there may be some changes you can make, but wieght loss is not easy or fun and may not even be needed. It may really be healthier to just accept him and do nothing at all. If your doctor feels it is necessary, then start figuring things out.
posted by AlexiaSky at 8:47 AM on June 7, 2019 [43 favorites]


Weight gain is VERY common before puberty, and a lot of kids naturally slim down during and after puberty. But if he's set on it, given that he's at a high-growth age, I wouldn't focus on calorie restriction so much as appetite reduction. Eating lots of vegetables or soup as a first course before meals, for example, can make us less hungry for more calorie-dense foods.
posted by metasarah at 8:50 AM on June 7, 2019 [7 favorites]


One thing I would say is that literally 'losing weight' at his age is kind of nuts. He's due to grow a whole lot over the next 5-10 years, and he needs to be supporting that growth in a healthy way, which might mean having his weight stabilize for a while, but is very unlikely to involve literally trying to weigh less.
posted by LizardBreath at 8:51 AM on June 7, 2019 [25 favorites]


How did the weight gain happen? He has been chubby from babyhood, but this year he looks more chubby than usual. He loooooooves food and looks forward to every meal and always wants to eat the whole pizza

Well, the answer is here. Fruits are full of sugar so eating lots of fruits isn't necessarily helping him if everyone is then like well I ate a bunch of fruit, I can eat a pizza. People drastically underestimate how many calories are in a lot of foods. If a 10 year old is eating an entire pizza, he could be getting way over his entire caloric needs for that day.

I don't really have any advice beyond eat more vegetables and less refined low satiety/high calorie foods.

The doctor should check for any issues, but this sounds like a kid who likes really calorie dense foods. Which I think we all understand. Exercise will never burn off the effects of eating tons of calories and he's 10 so I figure exercise at that age is a lot of running around and/or swimming for fun.

Somehow as a kid I would seriously eat a pound of M&Ms and drink just SO MUCH coke while walking 5 miles home from school and I was like rail thin. I think that was mostly genetic as now I am relatively not hungry compared to most people, but I could easily have been literally a bowling ball based on what I look back on consuming now.
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 8:52 AM on June 7, 2019


I think “sure, our whole family could stand to eat healthier at meals, let’s all think about putting a variety of healthy foods in our body that we also enjoy eating” is fine. So is “let’s go play outside more often” or looking for a fun sports team or class he would enjoy.

Beyond that, encouraging this mindset is playing with fire. Him worrying about the way his stomach sticks out is a framing of weight you should not adopt yourself. Please try to focus on the way he feels (meaning his energy level throughout the day, not his waistband) and not the way he looks. I would maybe try to have a good discussion about where he got the message about how stomachs are supposed to be and look and stick out or not.

Many of us bulked up as kids right before a growth spurt but never escaped the fear/worry/concern/chiding messages we got about being chubby kids or the fear/desire for “bad foods.”
posted by sallybrown at 8:53 AM on June 7, 2019 [50 favorites]


while I agree with AlexiaSky that nobody but the kid's doctor should be recommending weight loss efforts, I would be... careful... before even accepting such a recommendation from a GP or ped, for this reason: In my experience doctors have a hair-trigger reflex re telling patients to lose weight, and they base it not off a specific analysis of the individual patient, but rather off of tables of data related NOT to what happens to people who diet (spoiler: they gain their lost weight back, even if they manage to lose it initially) but rather off of what happens to patients who happen to not have been overweight in the first place.
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:53 AM on June 7, 2019 [22 favorites]


He should increase his exercise, but only because it's healthy to move not to lose belly fat (he's 10!!!!). Getting into the habit of being active is going to do wonders for both his self esteem and his overall health for the rest of his life.

Unless his pediatrician has serious concerns I would leave his weight distribution well enough alone. He's a child, his body will change dramatically in the next few years.
posted by lydhre at 8:57 AM on June 7, 2019 [4 favorites]


I come from a big family and 10-12 yr old boys seem to all go through a thick phase right before their growth takes off and they turn into reedy giants. I really second sallybrown’s comment. My own 7yr old was expressing dissatisfaction with his “baby fat” (not a term he learned from me) and I reminded him that at his age, his body needs all the energy it can get to put into good growth, and his job is to give it good fuel and move a lot every day. After a week of swim lessons he ran up to me “I feel good!” and I was so happy but then he followed it with “and my baby fat is all gone!” and I honestly don’t know how to respond to that other than to stay positive about the good choices he makes for himself.
posted by annathea at 8:57 AM on June 7, 2019 [4 favorites]


Fruit + Pizza might be a /lot/ of carbs if you add it all up. That said, I would personally avoid at all costs conceptualising anything he want to try as 'losing weight' or 'going on a diet', because those ideas seem bound to set up negative cycles of weight gain+loss in the future.

But there’s no harm in looking at your diet as a family and asking if you could make it healthier. Same with exercise: get strong / run / whatever more. But do it because it’s good for you whatever weight you are, not being doing so will make you lose weight - he’s a growing child who will sprout like a beanpole in the coming years after all.
posted by pharm at 9:01 AM on June 7, 2019


Yeah, I think it is common (unfortunately) for a 10 year old to see baby fat as a problem and want to solve it. (I remember wanting to put myself on a diet at age 6.) That’s not a big problem. It can turn into a big problem if the adults in his life validate his view of his baby fat as a problem. It can teach a kid to seek approval through restricting eating and weight loss (and then the flip side - to rebel by binging and weight gain). It makes the kid’s weight a Family Problem when it’s really just normal. It makes it hard for the kid to make the connection we make as adults about eating healthy as a positive thing because of how it makes us feel, not how it makes us look.
posted by sallybrown at 9:05 AM on June 7, 2019 [6 favorites]


I would be very wary of of putting you kid on any kind of diet - there's a ton of evidence that not only do diets not work, they actually cause weight gain. And exercise increases appetite so increasing his activity wont necessarily have the desired results.
I would focus on filling him up with lots of whole foods and limit processed foods. If its just a big belly, I'd also mention it at his checkup in case its something medical - it may not even be fat, he could be bloated and not know it
(if you've ever seen ads for miracle weight loss boosters (eg. BoomBod) etc that show instagram models going from puffy bellies to toned abs in a week, its really just a fibre drink that reduces bloating)
posted by missmagenta at 9:05 AM on June 7, 2019 [2 favorites]


At his age he should be looking at not gaining as quickly or not gaining for a brief period of time, rather than looking to lose weight. The puberty engine is going to need a lot of that. Diets are not good.

My oldest was really heavy looking and still is a bit, but most of the belly turned into shoulders/chin/height. He still doesn't look thin but I was fortunate in having seen my nieces and nephews' genes play out and they were all like "entire family is judging your diet" chubby at 10-13 and now are incredibly slender and fit. My pediatrician said sometimes the ones who are chubby early are the ones who end up at a great adult weight.

However there is a lot you can do. What we've done is reinforce that as long as you are eating high-quality food and treats in moderation, your weight under the age of 20 is...what it should be. His body needs high-quality fuel, especially to grow, is how we put it. How we get there though:

Food:
- I don't have much if any junk food in the house that is snackable. This did result in my oldest child sneaking some junk food in, I will be honest, but I decided that was a preferable stance to being the dealer. Basically though if you're eating at home, it's going to be high-quality food - whole grains, veggies, high-quality protein, etc. This is both to make sure his base tastes are real food, and also that way his body really is getting what it needs. (My younger son benefits but he's a beanpole right now.)

- Our meals are generally whole foods based, more for us parents but that is again the baseline.

- I taught him how to prepare some higher-quality snacks, like instant oatmeal (the kind that is plain) mixed with peanut butter and a bit of jam, toasted high-quality bread, nuts, avocado toast, plain yoghurt mixed with fruit, etc. I stock breakfast cereals for after school and nighttime hunger (my oldest is legit hungry at those times) but they are the lower-sugar kind. Hard boiled eggs.

- pop or juice is dessert, not liquid. If this isn't kind of already your family standard it may be a big change to take slowly, maybe cut the juice with water.

- I try to naturally limit desserts just by making or sometimes buying small batches. So we buy the smallest tiniest cake, divide it by our family members, and then I am not on cake patrol. Also if it's okay for anyone else in the family to have it, it's fine for him. No "the thin people can eat crap but you can't" deals. Crap is yummy, eating it is not a moral failing, cultures have entire rituals based around the enjoyment of sweets, and everyone likes a bit now and then, it's just about not making it a cornerstore of your life.

- we talk about body hunger vs. mouth hunger. Mouth hunger is because it tastes good, it's a habit, it's a Brand New Flavour, or your friends are eating. Body hunger is just hunger. This way sometimes I say "maybe give your body 10-15 minutes and then check in if you really want the last piece of pizza; I'll save it for you." I personally never judge my kid on this, if he says he is body-hungry for 5 pieces of pizza, ok, that's his body autonomy. I just provide the adult voice on the outside.

Exercise:
- There's some exercise that will help with the belly fat better...swimming can help, and vigorous biking or long walks will sort of naturally burn fat.

Looking at what he likes, what if you could increase the yoga and tennis 1x each and then your family does a longer expedition on weekends? Or play tennis every morning? I think really to experience the benefits he just needs a bit more quantity. He already has a great mix of activities going on.
posted by warriorqueen at 9:15 AM on June 7, 2019 [11 favorites]


As a former kid who also did not like running or team sports: if he likes Tennis try to get him to play tennis MORE. Developing weird food habits around diet is not going to help him as an adult, but developing bodily habits around exercise and recreation WILL help him as an adult. I say this as a person who had to learn all of this as an adult, it would have been way better for me if my parents had tried to find something I DID like to do with my body, versus letting me do very little.

Echoing all the advice about food above - it's more about putting normal amounts of good food in your body when your body is hungry than it is about calorie or carb restriction. He's probably about to grow two feet, he will probably need that body fat soon. Hopefully you can help him focus on his belly less and on moving and fueling his body, more.
posted by Medieval Maven at 9:27 AM on June 7, 2019 [7 favorites]


This kid is young and still has a chance to not be at war with his body for the rest of his life like so many people (especially people who were encouraged to diet as children) are. Overall that will probably serve him better than losing 10 lbs.
posted by needs more cowbell at 9:32 AM on June 7, 2019 [15 favorites]


just to clarify, I'm not arguing against exercise - its great for health regardless of its effect on weight and unless he's doing a lot of playing outside and general running around in additional to the yoga, tennis and scooter, he's got a lot of scope to be a lot more active.
posted by missmagenta at 9:38 AM on June 7, 2019


I agree that a child that age should not be dieting. However, at nine, I started following a diet that I found in a woman's magazine on my own (900 calories a day on weekdays and 1800 on weekends), and it started a whole cascade of dieting that took me decades to recover from. My concern is that if you won't help him with his desire to lose weight, he will turn to something potentially harmful - I vaguely remember reading about someone who got diet pills from a friend (it might have been Richard Simmons).

As far as losing weight goes, please, please do not in any way suggest to him that fruit is a problem. A healthy child should be able to eat as much fruit as he wants. There is a current myth that fruit is bad - it is not. Many studies have linked higher fruit and vegetable consumption with decreased mortality from all causes. This study is specifically about fruit.

Eating a whole pizza is not great, but you also don't want to turn it into a forbidden food - that's a major reason that dieting ends up wrecking people's lives. You sort of end up assuming you should eat the "bad" food every time you're not dieting (at least I did). You can make the pizza more healthful by having it covered with vegetables instead of meat and cutting down on the amount of cheese.

If his appetite is a problem, and if he wants to change the way he eats, vegetables are the way to go, since they are very low in calorie density. Any chance he could get interested in making salads? I found them boring until I started going for a lot more variety - adding cabbage, mushrooms, pomegranates, and roasted chickpeas. If he started dinner with vegetables, he might eat less of the pizza. Potatoes are also very low in calorie density (if you don't add oil) and very filling. If you made oven-baked French fries without oil, he could eat a lot of those. This recipe works really well. He might eat less pizza if he eats something lower in calorie density first.

In general, the more whole plant foods, the better. But this should be driven by what he wants to do - I am only making suggestions because he views his weight as a problem, and it's very, very hard to be an overweight kid. The best you can do is guide him to make healthful decisions so he doesn't turn to something that can harm him - physically or emotionally.
posted by FencingGal at 10:05 AM on June 7, 2019 [2 favorites]


I have a 10 year old and we've been working on integrating fun family exercise into our daily routine. In poor weather, we do dance/exercise videos on YouTube (The Fitness Marshall is a favorite) and in good weather we try to get outside and do something together.
Beyond the stuff that you mentioned, this perhaps can be a good way to set up some ideas that it is important to move our bodies every day to keep them working well. I feel like in my generation, exercise was viewed as "not fun."

Also, what's the deal at his school with regard to both recess and PE? I know that this varies a lot, but at my kid's school, they get 3 45 minute PE sessions per week and have 3 recesses a day. My kid always plays sports during recess. Maybe talk to your kid about what he is doing during recess. Of course if he gets great joy from what he is doing and it isn't active, that is one thing. But if he is just sitting around, encouraging him to get moving might help.
posted by k8t at 10:19 AM on June 7, 2019 [1 favorite]


As a former fat kid who hated the weirdly aggressive dudey competitive style of gym class that was prevalent when I was growing up and therefore basically did no exercise and discovered at the age of 35 that I really, really like running--the best thing you can do for him is to encourage him to try a lot of different activities until he finds one that he likes. I guarantee there will be one he likes.
posted by Automocar at 10:21 AM on June 7, 2019 [10 favorites]


What methods would actually work at this age?

Move the focus off of weight loss and fully on to body acceptance and love. Without that, any change of any kind will fail.
posted by hijinx at 10:26 AM on June 7, 2019 [4 favorites]


A thought about exercise, following up on Automocar -- you said in the post that you wanted to find something that would reliably work. I think you need to define 'working' as finding physical activity that your kid will enjoy enough to do regularly long term, rather than focusing on his body shape. However he ends up looking, if he's physically active he'll be happier and healthier than if he isn't. (Might he be into doing dance? That can be terrific exercise, and it's not the team sports sort of thing you said he's uninterested in. )
posted by LizardBreath at 10:27 AM on June 7, 2019 [2 favorites]


One thing that may help him with body image is posture! You're saying he does legitimately have mass and volume on his 10-year-old frame, and we're saying that will redistribute itself as he gets older and taller and not to worry too much right now. But 10yo are not renowned for their patience. Maybe he'd be up for some conversations about how he stands in yoga, and what the core strength that he's building can do for him. Kids stand and move really really differently from adults; I will say I know some adult less-athletic people who look chunkier or flabbier than they actually are because of they way that they hold themselves, specifically hanging their belly out. But I don't mean teaching him to be self-conscious about trying to suck hit gut in and look good, just a conversation about core strength and body alignment, it's great that he's got the context of yoga, that would be a good place to start talking about holding himself up off the mat as well as when he's specifically active.
posted by aimedwander at 10:28 AM on June 7, 2019 [2 favorites]


Trying to lose weight at age 10, especially for basically aesthetic reasons, is a bad idea. His body is going to be changing dramatically in at least somewhat unpredictable ways very soon anyway.

Trying to get healthier at age 10 is a great idea. Get him some more regular cardio exercise and try to find a sport he really enjoys. Review your family's meal plans and try to reduce overall calorie counts & simple carbs a bit, maybe think about less frequent ice cream or smaller portions, stuff like that.
posted by waffleriot at 10:44 AM on June 7, 2019 [1 favorite]


Lots of great advice above, but just to chime in - rockclimbing is a fantastic workout and if he wants to work on his strength and flexibility, it is well worth it. Rockclimbers are some of the most fit people I know, and in a well-rounded sort of way.

I agree with everyone above that the weight isn't an issue, but I also think bodily autonomy is important in kids, and if he isn't feeling comfortable and wants to take up exercise, it would be great to empower him in this.
posted by valoius at 10:45 AM on June 7, 2019 [1 favorite]


I recall reading some stuff a while back regarding young kids with weight concerns. One tactic that seemed to work was fairly vigorous exercise before meal time, particularly supper (the big meal of the day) -- a run, or bike ride etc that breaks a sweat, gets the body pumping. I guess it works to burn a few calories but, more importantly, to put the appetite in check -- you end up eating as much as you need, as opposed to want.

There's also the factor that it helps make the kids real contributing agents in taking on their weight problem. It's something they are doing. And it can be fun.
posted by philip-random at 10:46 AM on June 7, 2019 [1 favorite]


You sound thoughtful about the issue, and I wanted to post some encouragement. Your child has the opportunity to have healthier eating and activity habits. Came in to say No Sugar, but you're already there. Go, Parent! Agree that it's not so much Lose Weight as Slow the Rate of Gain for a bit.

He'll find(has been found by) all the Lose Belly Fat ads. At his age, tummy fat is natural. Minor weight loss and adolescence will address it. Gimmicks and focusing on dieting are, as I believe you know, toxic and dangerous, leading to lifelong body image obsession and body hate. I was a skinny girl, but self conscious about my tummy, learned that at home in my toxic family. I now realize that my body was fantastic and healthy and people have tummies; it's how we are built. I'd talk to him about body acceptance for himself and others - a lot.

There are a bunch of small habits that help:
Sometimes thirst is felt as hunger, so drink a cup of water before a snack or meal.
Chewing gum with xylitol is kind of good for teeth and can delay snacking. Mint seems to help reduce hunger
Experience hunger. go do stuff have water available, but delay eating. Hunger is tolerable, especially with practice.
Start the meal with raw veg - carrots, peppers, cucumbers etc. Dip in vinegar, not ranch dressing. Tasty, crunchy, satisfying. I peel stripes on cucumbers because I don't love all the skin, slice, dress with some vinegar, water, soy sauce, tiny amount of sesame oil.
Start the meal with broth-y soup.
Smaller portions of higher calorie items. Bigger portion of vegetables and water-based goods like soup.
Fiber, whole grains, limit white rice, white bread, etc.
I have compiled a list of weight loss tips.

Exercise and physical activity is key to weight management and lifelong physical and mental health. Get fitbits or similar. When you go places, park farther away, go for a walk after dinner, dance, karate, go visit any local, state, national parks, monuments, etc., where you can hike.

Measuring and rewarding performance works. Star charts work. Get him a paper calendar for his room/bathroom. Every day he does 10,000 steps - draw a star. 5 days of 10,000 steps in a row - a small sticker, 5 small stickers - a big sticker, 3 big stickers - a reward - book, matchbox car, action figure. Set a long term goal of being in the ideal weight/ height range for his age. Let him pick a reward, doesn't have to be huge, maybe a really cool t-shirt and/or jeans. Not a food reward. Reward activity, not eating habits.

He will be an adolescent soon, and adolescent boys burn calories at an astonishing rate. My son was never overweight but was on the higher end of the height/ weight chart. When he hit adolescence, it became very difficult to keep adequate food in the house, and he naturally got leaner and more muscular. Most adolescent boys are always hungry; having healthy habits will help him manage.

I wonder if he's being teased and bullied about his body. That's really common and hurtful; talk to him.
posted by theora55 at 10:48 AM on June 7, 2019


Don’t put him specifically on a diet or single his eating behaviour out at all. Just ban chips and cookies from your house, nth having the whole family eat well and do active things together (hiking, bike rides, swimming, etc). If he’s interested in a sport (martial arts are great for lots of things, including increasing confidence), totally support that.

Overweight and obesity in childhood highly predicts the same continuing in adulthood (which then increases risk for diabetes, high blood pressure, etc). Good to catch it now. (But don’t make a big deal of it.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 11:20 AM on June 7, 2019


A coworker has a similarly aged son with similar concerns. They've been focusing on more physical activity and she keeps less junk food in the house. He's fallen in love with bowling of all things (plays weekly and is winning tournaments) and has been going on longer bike rides with her without her pushing anything beyond "sure you don't want to come out for a bike ride with me"?
posted by lafemma at 11:30 AM on June 7, 2019 [2 favorites]


As far as actual meal plans, I know it’s old now, but the South Beach Diet (not really a diet diet, it’s more of a meal plan) is a pretty good guideline for planning nutrition-rich, high-satiety meals.

(Ignore the two-week kickstarting “phase one”, which is kind of like keto and is meant to motivate people with quick loss to start - that’ll be mostly water - and to get them off processed carbs. After that, the plan is pretty much lots of protein, low-fat dairy, and vitamin- and fibre-rich veggies and starches. They do recommend margarine which eh I’d just swap it out for butter, nothing wrong with butter in moderation.)

Or, here’s a meal planning cheat sheet that offers basically the same information - link.

Stick to that 80-90% of the time, have treats in moderation (in single-serve portions, maybe out of the house), and you (and he) should be on your way.
posted by cotton dress sock at 11:31 AM on June 7, 2019 [2 favorites]


I clearly remember one doctor telling me around the same age that oftentimes some kids grow out-then-up, while others grow up-then-out. As long as one has healthy habits (and hopefully a healthy mindset about their body), changes in shape are the most normal thing in the world and are likely not permanent.
posted by mosst at 11:35 AM on June 7, 2019 [2 favorites]


Like so many in this thread, that describes me at that age and I carried that self image with my for a very long time. I look back at high school pictures and I can't believe how thin I look. Looking back, I wish adults had let me feel heard and encouraged me to be more active. Maybe it's aerobic things like bikes, but maybe things that encourage strength as well. I mean, if he's motivated, maybe some outdoor body weight workouts would be fun and feel like you were working on it without complicating his relationship with food and eating.
posted by advicepig at 12:55 PM on June 7, 2019


He's a kid. As long as he's active and eats well, a bit of puppy fat is normal.
posted by GiveUpNed at 5:18 PM on June 7, 2019 [1 favorite]


Pot bellies are normal in babies. A newborn is basically a big bag of guts and a big head and small elastic mobile tiny arms and legs. As the kid gets bigger the rest of the body grows faster than the gut does so the proportions shrink. But young kids are still potbellied and a pot in a kid is almost always a healthy thing. A few kids carry it so it is not visible. Most of them carry it visibly.

The approach I would take is that his potbelly is a sign of his immaturity and that his digestive system is preparing for the growth intensive stage of puberty, which is still probably four years off, if he is ten. Other than if you are both pregnant and nursing simultaneously, you need the most calories in your life when you are going through puberty. So your body often chubs up during the run up to puberty because going into puberty underweight is bad. In a famine it's the working teenagers that die fastest, because pregnant and nursing women can miscarry and the milk can dry up, but the teenagers can't fully stop growing.

On the other hand if your guy were going to become overweight it would appear first in his belly, since extra fat stores are put there, and he knows this, because fat guys with big guts are everywhere for him to observe. He is not wrong to look at his belly and wonder, and even to be alarmed. He may however be anticipating puberty, wanting to look like a teenager rather than a pre-teen, because status and goals and be rejecting his child body, rather than an actually fat body.

The other reason people carb binge is because carbs are for stamina, keeping the blood sugar levals high so it is worth investigating how much your son requires stamina to get through his day. If he is terrified, or over stimulated, or doesn't have many times when he can sprawl around and be chill, if there are heavy mental and emotional demands on him, he may be eating a great many carbs to deal with this. You might want to experiment with sending him off on his day with some extra low carb snacks, with instructions to eat them before he gets hungry.

When a testosterone person starts to hit puberty a lot of things change. One of these is that they may start craving protein more. You may want to start experimenting with having more lean protein available, especially at breakfast, and see if he is happy to transition. Describing this as helpful for the transition to strong and vital manhood may motivate him to eat fewer carbs in a way that is painless to him.

I would also introduce him to various athletes that are extremely fit and strong - like bobsled Olympians - but who are also fat. Having bulk is critical for many sports, especially some of the combat sports, because physics. So if you make sure your son can see that weight is also a positive and something that powerful masculine athletes do, it could help him with the body image.
posted by Jane the Brown at 5:59 AM on June 8, 2019 [2 favorites]


his body was doing a kind of two-step growth spurt, getting wide before he got tall.

Just another data point on this: my brother got a noticeable amount of "padding" at age 10. My mother became concerned and restricted him to skim milk and other diet foods (this was in the 1960's, when "diet foods" were limited in scope and probably not very healthy). He did indeed slim down... but upon hitting puberty, he had no reserves, and became alarmingly rail-thin, and that lasted for several decades. I can't recommend taking my mom's approach. Perhaps researching customary and expected childhood body shape patterns will put you, and by extension, him, at ease.
posted by RRgal at 4:08 PM on June 8, 2019


One thing that will change the shape of his abdomen and change how his body digests and absorbs food, and is otherwise almost totally risk free is for him to drink plenty of water*.

It's very unlikely to override his body's natural appetite for food, it is likely to replace any hunger that's just displaced thirst, and it gives his stomach and bowel much more ability to absorb what it needs to from food.

*like a glass of water an hour and every meal, nothing forced.
posted by ambrosen at 5:04 PM on June 8, 2019


I can't tell you what to do about your boy (other than love him, which you already do) but as a data point like others above, I was put on my first diet at 8 or so, and I have been on and off that rollercoaster my entire life.
posted by 41swans at 5:28 PM on June 8, 2019 [1 favorite]


Please do not encourage a 10 year old to diet.

Every 10 year old benefits from 1) daily physical activity, 2) eating fresh vegetables and fruits and whole grains and 3) hearing positive, affirming messages about their bodies.

The focus should be on building healthy long-term habits. And the number one most important habit for us humans is to love ourselves instead of loathing ourselves.

Join him in fun physical activities, help him find a sport or activity he will enjoy doing himself (fencing? Rowing? Soccer? Taekwando?) Make sure there are lots of snacky vegetables and fresh fruit in the house. Take a cooking class with him! Make exercise and healthy eating fun and tell him how good and perfect he is! And don't worry about the rest.
posted by latkes at 10:09 PM on June 9, 2019 [1 favorite]


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