sex tips please

February 28, 2006 12:52 AM

What's your secret sex trick?

Apparently everyone should have a signature move, a little personal bit of bedroom style that they employ with confidence, their certain skillful something that leaves their lover going WOW! I want you to share it. Basically, I've met this fantastically beautiful and intelligent woman and after 3 increasingly passionate dates it looks like we'll finally get down to the naked n nasty at my apartment after a gig on wednesday night. I'd really appreciate any new ideas to back up my tired, old, time-tested techniques on the old in-out.

posted by brautigan to human relations (46 comments total)

And if you're not happy with sharing, I'll totally accept online links to sexual tippery a la The Vice Guide to Cunnilingus.
posted by brautigan at 12:59 AM on February 28, 2006

Practice saying the alphabet backwards during sex. It can be a handy distraction if you are closer than she is. But, don't do it out loud, unless you just want to get a laugh.
posted by wsg at 1:27 AM on February 28, 2006

Here's your Luv Banquet:
- Appetizer: Cajun Shrimp (ingredients: handiwipes, ten little piggies, hot sauce)
- Entrée: Langue alphabétique
- Dessert: Venus Butterfly (recipe: Steven Bochco)
posted by rob511 at 1:33 AM on February 28, 2006

More guys need to rotate their fingers when they're manually stimulating a woman. Don't just go straight in and out. The guys that have done this have stood out in my memory. I'll be happy to elaborate if need be, but I think this should suffice.
(I can't believe I'm putting this out their permanently on the internet, but it's for the benefit of humanity.....)
posted by Iamtherealme at 1:52 AM on February 28, 2006

The closest thing I have to a magic position is the coital alignment technique. Don't be scared off by descriptions, it's unbelievably easy and natural - I happened upon it by accident and only found out what it was called later.

The only other thing I would mention is the importance of being physically relaxed. When I remember to relax (it's almost enough just to remember), everything feels better for both of us... even kissing is very noticeably different. It's like the body knows what to do but can't express itself properly when under tension.

Also, you're supposed to close with the swirl. Don't forget!
posted by teleskiving at 2:13 AM on February 28, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

brautigan: don't bother with some kind of Extra Super Move... I really don't think "hey let's try this position I read about on the internets" would go over that well. That rotate-your-fingers thing is a good tip, though, so that is probably more what you should be looking for.

If you two are having 'increasingly passionate dates', though, I bet you won't have any trouble having increasingly passionate sex. Just chill, and I am sure it will all turn out for the best.

Oh, and, uh.. exercise your kegel muscles. Or whatever they're called in men.
posted by blacklite at 2:19 AM on February 28, 2006

I wear a cape. Seriously. It's perfectly silly and gets laughters which means fun, which means relaxed so it's all good from there. Plus the chicks dig the cape.


But you've had three passionate dates with the woman so far. Shouldn't you know that special trick she digs?

Also, I've never known a woman to be unhappy with a dedicated oral sex session on her, something where you're totally focused on her pleasure with your tongue as your fingers and hands alternatingly caress her thighs, stomach, ass, breasts and vagina. Swear to god, you do this, you'll be in her top five list for decades and she'll be than happy to return all sorts of favors. Bonus points if you ask her or find out what really turns her on and consistently focus on that.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:17 AM on February 28, 2006

The underside of your tongue is MUCH softer than the top. Licking her clitoris in this fashion + the shocker = crazy delicious.
posted by Scoo at 4:20 AM on February 28, 2006

Get her laughing and she's yours. Just make sure she's not laughing at yours.

And do the dishes.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:31 AM on February 28, 2006

On every stroke, exit just a little bit. It takes some practice to be be able to re-enter and it adds some danger because if you are vigorous, there is always the possibility you will injure yourself.
posted by JJ86 at 6:10 AM on February 28, 2006

I start having intercourse, doggy-style, then start yelling out "EINE ZWEI DREI VIER" with each stroke, and then start singing Das Deutschlandlied.

Aside from that, I try my best to be a responsive lover, and to make her comfortable asking for what it is she really wants. Sadly, every girl is sufficiently different that more than one technique is neccessary.
posted by I Love Tacos at 7:06 AM on February 28, 2006

Wow, Shocker Euphemisms in the link above!
posted by growabrain at 7:57 AM on February 28, 2006

up, up, down, down, half circle towards, A, B
posted by Capn at 8:20 AM on February 28, 2006

Clean bodies
Clean sheets
Enthusiasm
Playfulness
Willingness to listen to hints and suggestions from your partner

That about does it for me.

Special manoeuvres come off as seventies cheesy unless they're subtle enough and (important!) you can avoid looking smugly and expectantly at your partner for her reaction once you've executed them.
posted by small_ruminant at 8:38 AM on February 28, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

It has always seemed to me that the appropriate sex trick depends entirely on the partner in question. My girlfriend and I mesh so wonderfully that almost everything is fantastic. In the past, I've had partners who could only get off if I did this one very specific thing.

But, I certainly have a grab-bag of crowd favorites.

First, oral sex. Give good head, and you can be the lousiest lay on the planet (almost). The trick here is two fold.

When you first get down there, tease around everything. Use this time to experiment with what gets you the greatest reactions. You'll probably find that direct clitoral stimulation gets you big wows; but, lay off of that until you're ready to take her over the edge. Get her good and wet, cataloging the things she likes as you go (for later and for next time).

Then, the second part of the trick is to slide a couple of fingers inside her. Don't just start pushing them in and out. Unacceptable. Run them along the upper/front wall of her vagina. Find the rough spot. Massage it while going to town on her clit. Don't let up until she drags you out of her crotch by your hair.

The second big trick is to pay attention. You should take the time during your foreplay to find the things that she loves. Experiment. Lick, suck, and nibble everything; you'd be surprised what body parts folks find sensitive. Ears seem popular, as do the hollows behind them. Necks are nice.

Everybody likes it a little bit rough. No need to pull out the whips and chains, but you might try tugging on her hair. Grab a big handful of it and pull; slowly increase the force with which you pull until she starts to move her head with you. Does she like being bitten? The breasts, shoulders, and neck (not throat) can all be bitten rather hard without any risk of damage; see what she likes. Go slow with "painful" acts; don't get too rough too quickly.

Also, try them again while you're actually fucking her and/or she's close to orgasm. Some things that you can't tolerate while making out you absolutely love when you're seconds from coming.

Do you have any super powers? Can you delay orgasm indefinitely? Can you get it back up several times in a row? Are you crazy acrobatic? Is your dick large? Use these to your advantage.

One of my current favorite tricks is to fuck her after having gotten off several times already and dulled the sensation somewhat. Since I'm in literally no danger of coming before her at this point, it's a great time to completely cater to her desires. It's also a great time to enjoy the act of sex itself without worrying about the orgasm part of it; you've both gotten off, so now it's really only about being close to that person.

There's a whole realm of slightly dirty stuff ya'll could try. Ass sex, if done correctly, can be fun for all involved. Read up on that first. Sex outside is wonderful, if the weather's nice. Use cling plastic wrap or, better yet, furniture/packing wrap to tie her wrists together; it's quick and easy to apply, and it doesn't hurt coming off like tape does.

Do you know what your birth-control plan is? The simplest for you is just to use a rubber. Go buy a box of Durex Avanti; they're polyurethane (so latex sensitive people can use them) and they have amazing heat transmission (much better sensation). Relying on her birth control is a major sign of trust on your part. It's easy to misuse the Pill, or she might just be lying.
posted by Netzapper at 8:40 AM on February 28, 2006 [4 favorites has favorites]

Everybody likes it a little bit rough.

Simply false.
posted by grouse at 8:49 AM on February 28, 2006

↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A
posted by mkultra at 9:00 AM on February 28, 2006 [2 favorites has favorites]

(apologies to capn, but if you're gonna do it, do it right ;) )
posted by mkultra at 9:01 AM on February 28, 2006

Go buy a box of Durex Avanti; they're polyurethane (so latex sensitive people can use them) and they have amazing heat transmission (much better sensation).

I have to second this rec- it's a whole different (for the better) sexual experience with them.
posted by mkultra at 9:05 AM on February 28, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

My secret sex trick is never, ever referring to sex as "the naked n nasty."
posted by Acetylene at 9:15 AM on February 28, 2006

Everybody likes it a little bit rough.

Stupidest thing I've read all morning, validating the theory I had going into this thread that the longest comment might be the most useless.
posted by mph at 9:22 AM on February 28, 2006

seconding acetylene on the "naked n nasty."

"Bumping uglies" is also out.
posted by small_ruminant at 9:35 AM on February 28, 2006

My trick is really simple: I pay attention. I don't bother with tricks or moves or anything liek that. I do what I do, and pay attention to my partner, and see what they're enjoying or not enjoying. Adjust behaviour accordingly. It's the only trick you'll ever need.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 9:59 AM on February 28, 2006

Listen carefully.

That little sudden intake of breath? Whatever you just did to make that happen, do it again.
posted by ook at 10:14 AM on February 28, 2006

"↑ ↑ ↓ ↓ ← → ← → B A"

hahahahahahahahahaha, i cant stop laughing. Should've added Select Start though.
posted by theholotrope at 10:18 AM on February 28, 2006

from Esquire: "Donald Rumsfeld" on "dirty talk": "Listen, anybody that can talk clean can talk dirty. Dirty talk is just like normal talk, except dirty. Your wife wants dirty talk, so give her dirty talk. Something like, 'Those breasts are first-rate,' or 'I am going to give you a darned good orgasm,' or, if she likes the rough stuff, 'I'll tell you this, I am about to give you the business and I don't want to hear any guff about it.'"
posted by battlecj at 10:21 AM on February 28, 2006 [2 favorites has favorites]

Oh, also, whoever told you "Apparently everyone should have a signature move" -- stop asking him for sex advice. He sounds like a fifteen-year-old guy who's got more experience with the internet than with actual women.
posted by ook at 10:21 AM on February 28, 2006

"Everybody likes it a little bit rough.

Stupidest thing I've read all morning, validating the theory I had going into this thread that the longest comment might be the most useless.
posted by mph at 9:22 AM PST on February 28 [!]"

How was it useless? I've never had anyone say "Be more gentle" but quite frequently had "Be a little rougher." He said "A little bit rough." He didn't say "choke me, spank me, pull my hair."

Perhaps he's basing it on his own experience. There's nothing wrong with that at all. Everyone has their own opinion of what 'rough' is anyway.
posted by drstein at 10:30 AM on February 28, 2006

My love life improved a lot after studying The Complete Guide of: Laying a girl.
posted by johngoren at 10:47 AM on February 28, 2006

johngoren, that is hugely entertaining.
posted by small_ruminant at 10:54 AM on February 28, 2006

That little sudden intake of breath? Whatever you just did to make that happen, do it again.

Best advice in the thread, hands down.

My remaining two cents: I've said elsewhere that for some (many?) of us lady-types, cunnilingus is overrated. Sure, when done eagerly and with a little panache, it's a delightful appetizer -- but it's almost never the main course. Also -- and perhaps this is just me -- I pretty much don't care at all about a guy going down on me the very first time we're together. Not because I have any anxieties about a new partner checking me out down there, but because when I'm with a new partner, I'm probably so into him that I don't want to lose sight of his face or body.

I'm certainly not telling you not to go down on her and not to pay attention to your technique if you do, but I am advising you that -- despite what Cosmo magazine and various men in these types of threads will suggest -- the whole notion that "All Women Want Endless Elaborate Cunnilingus And Here's The Sure-Fire Way To Do It!!!" is, for the most part, twaddle. (Or twattle, if you prefer.)

Lastly: explore her with touches/kisses/nibbles her all over -- not just the obvious places like neck and breasts. I, personally, am driven wild by a certain little spot in the small of my back, and also by a spot between my waist and hips. The men who have taken the time to find this out have made me very happy, and have been made very happy in return.
posted by scody at 11:05 AM on February 28, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

The "Bowling Ball" which is mentioned in the Shocker wikipedia entry can be further modified. Use your free index and pinky fingers to expose her clitoris. Then use your tongue and lips to stimulate her clitoris. Use your imagination here, and don't be afraid to get your nose and chin involved. She will call you her 'Sexual Yoda' afterwards.

If you really want to see a look of shock and awe, kiss and lick her armpits.
posted by jasondigitized at 11:26 AM on February 28, 2006

First tip: don't use phrases like "the naked n nasty".

All you need to do is explore and see what she responds to. If she gasps or her breathing gets faster or she pushes whatever you are touching towards you, keep going! However, one priviso: there is a law of diminishing returns with particular stimulations. For example, I just go crazy if people kiss/bite my neck. However, the more my lover does it, the less amazing it feels. So, when you find things she likes, use them a little sparingly and they will continue to be delicious for her.

Also, teasing is GOOD GOOD GOOD. If you stay away from her cunt, except for little touches, and concentrate on the rest of her body and bring her up and up and up, when you finally fuck/go down on/go inside her, it will feel all the incredible for her.
posted by pollystark at 12:08 PM on February 28, 2006 [1 favorite has favorites]

Thanks all, n excuse the way I posted it. I don't really believe in tricks n phrase like "the nasty" honestly! Anyway, I just wanted some advice on things that works especially well for you. So, I love ya very much and if there are any more answers then please post, otherwise I'll thank / berate the above respondents on thursday night. Or friday lunchtime...
posted by brautigan at 12:22 PM on February 28, 2006

Also, you're supposed to close with the swirl. Don't forget.

Or that it's a counterclockwise swirl.
posted by Neiltupper at 12:24 PM on February 28, 2006

Pay attention to her. Notice what makes her gasp, what makes her stop in the middle of a word, etc. Do it again, later, when she thinks you've forgotten. Don't worry about special 'tricks', unless you're good at them, in which case it's not a trick, it's just part of what you do.

Rougher is not always better. I've had to remind a couple of boys 'gentle, love'.
posted by jlkr at 2:17 PM on February 28, 2006

I strip down to my undersized black briefs, give her my most smouldering look, FLING them down to my ankles in one smooth, sexy move, step slowly out with one leg, casually FLICK them up into the air with the other, catch them on my head and say "Spread 'em love, Captain Pants and his love torpedo are coming to blow you clean outta the water".

Trust me, all women go mad for this.
posted by Decani at 5:08 PM on February 28, 2006

As long as you're not in a hurry and concentrating on your lovers pleasure first then you should be ok. It never hurts to lick the alphabit either.
posted by JamesMessick at 7:39 PM on February 28, 2006

Do you know what your birth-control plan is? [...] Relying on her birth control is a major sign of trust on your part. It's easy to misuse the Pill, or she might just be lying.

That's a weird/condescending thing to say. Why would this woman lie about being on the Pill? Also, how is the Pill easy to misuse? It's a pill. You take it daily, at the same time. We're not talking rocket science here.

I mean, I would never assume the other party is taking care of the birth control, especially the first time I sleep with someone. Have a condom at the ready, unless she has another preference.

That said, the part about a bit of roughness is totally true for a lot of women, by which I mean me. But, baby steps, especially the first time. Don't go overboard, and pay attention to her.
posted by SoftRain at 10:23 PM on February 28, 2006

I call it the "ol' filthy cock."

Buutttttt seriously- if you're paying attention, you're probably doing something right. It's really not so much a question of what kung-fu-esque moves you bring in as how responsive you are and how well you know the other party. This might not be true for everyone, but, after 2 years in a relationship, I feel like the sex started good and has just kept getting better as we get more and more comfortable with each other.
Or, basically, what everyone else said.
posted by 235w103 at 11:56 PM on February 28, 2006

Sigh. As we GOT more and more comfortable. My lady loves quasi-literate men, apparently.
posted by 235w103 at 11:56 PM on February 28, 2006

Maybe you're overthinking this?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:01 AM on March 1, 2006

It never hurts to lick the alphabit either.

Don't be too sure about that.
posted by scody at 11:30 AM on March 1, 2006

I strip down to my undersized black briefs, give her my most smouldering look, FLING them down to my ankles in one smooth, sexy move, step slowly out with one leg, casually FLICK them up into the air with the other, catch them on my head and say "Spread 'em love, Captain Pants and his love torpedo are coming to blow you clean outta the water".

That's the funnies thing I've ever heard. It would work on me for sure.

Whoever thinks that remembering to take the stupid Pill at the same time every day is easy has clearly never had to take it for an extended period of time. I used to forget at least once a week. Talk about birth control and remember that condoms don't just protect against pregnancy!
posted by fshgrl at 6:26 PM on March 1, 2006

Since I have revealed one "secret", I will share another one, since you have recognized greatness. I will share another. Black socks. White socks are okay, but nothing is sexier than a man naked but his black socks, pulled to mid-calf.

Captain Pants, I'll spread 'em, but I'm gonna blow YOU clean outta the water! Now there's a classy way to ask for a bj while making the woman feel witty for picking up on it. Or guy. Or monkeys who can sign, as long as you can sign Captain Pants. I really dont see any way to fail with your technique, and you know, I think I'm mostly serious!
posted by Iamtherealme at 1:13 AM on March 3, 2006

Whoever thinks that remembering to take the stupid Pill at the same time every day is easy has clearly never had to take it for an extended period of time.

I've taken it for 7 years and I've taken it at the same time every day - except for maybe an hour's difference 10 times or so. I don't find it that difficult.
posted by agregoli at 6:57 PM on March 4, 2006