Working with a sex worker 101: women's edition.
April 29, 2019 5:15 AM Subscribe
In the age of FOSTA/SESTA, how does a US-based Aspie cishet woman find a skilled, safe male sex worker?
I'm a fiftyish, cishet woman who's an Aspie. As a result, opportunities for decent, fun, somewhat meaningful sex aren't exactly abounding.
Through choice AND circumstance I haven't been with a partner for decades. I'm adept at getting myself off, so the mechanical piece of it is all set ... but being a sexual person with someone else feels like it's permanently unavailable to me. Efforts to date have been completely disastrous and I am NOT open to suggestions about that: in fact I may growl at you.
I would like to have at least one experience where a) I'm driving the bus in terms of what's on the table and skip the pouting and paggro behavior if, for example, PIV sex is not something I want and b) I wouldn't feel the need to mask the Aspergers ferociously.
If I were asking this question a little more than a year ago, I'd be able to find male sex workers on the Internet. WELP, thanks US Congress and 45, because I no longer can do that, at least not US-based sex workers. Even if I could still use the Internet freely, it seems like most male sex workers serve a male market, and I wonder how much of an obstacle that is in practice. I'd think there would be some bi male sex workers out there!
1) How do I go about finding a skilled, empathetic MALE sex worker who isn't an f'ing cop?
2) How do I keep myself safe? Obviously condoms are a must, but what else should I be thinking about?
Boston area. Yes, Quebec is an option and hell yes I'll go to Amsterdam to avoid the legal aspect of this.
I saw this post and it has some relevant information for me, but I do think that being a cishet woman is its own universe wrt finding a sex worker.
I'm a fiftyish, cishet woman who's an Aspie. As a result, opportunities for decent, fun, somewhat meaningful sex aren't exactly abounding.
Through choice AND circumstance I haven't been with a partner for decades. I'm adept at getting myself off, so the mechanical piece of it is all set ... but being a sexual person with someone else feels like it's permanently unavailable to me. Efforts to date have been completely disastrous and I am NOT open to suggestions about that: in fact I may growl at you.
I would like to have at least one experience where a) I'm driving the bus in terms of what's on the table and skip the pouting and paggro behavior if, for example, PIV sex is not something I want and b) I wouldn't feel the need to mask the Aspergers ferociously.
If I were asking this question a little more than a year ago, I'd be able to find male sex workers on the Internet. WELP, thanks US Congress and 45, because I no longer can do that, at least not US-based sex workers. Even if I could still use the Internet freely, it seems like most male sex workers serve a male market, and I wonder how much of an obstacle that is in practice. I'd think there would be some bi male sex workers out there!
1) How do I go about finding a skilled, empathetic MALE sex worker who isn't an f'ing cop?
2) How do I keep myself safe? Obviously condoms are a must, but what else should I be thinking about?
Boston area. Yes, Quebec is an option and hell yes I'll go to Amsterdam to avoid the legal aspect of this.
I saw this post and it has some relevant information for me, but I do think that being a cishet woman is its own universe wrt finding a sex worker.
I think you could probably find this in Boston, but I don't know how. I will mention though that prostitution is fully decriminalized in New Zealand...not just the finicky "legalized" regimes in places like Amsterdam, but fully decriminalized. That means brothels are legal, as are just like...freelancing sex workers, of which there are plenty. Also: New Zealand rules, and is a great place to visit. Extremely beautiful.
Good luck. I deeply wish that the US wasn't so awful towards sex workers...!
posted by wooh at 6:23 AM on April 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
Good luck. I deeply wish that the US wasn't so awful towards sex workers...!
posted by wooh at 6:23 AM on April 29, 2019 [2 favorites]
I googled "male escort for women Boston" and got some hits. And again with "Twitter" - some escorts use Twitter as well. I have no idea how safe, skilled and real they are though.
Here's an older Reddit thread about a woman's experience finding and using a male escort: (on phone can't link)
posted by foxjacket at 6:44 AM on April 29, 2019
Here's an older Reddit thread about a woman's experience finding and using a male escort: (on phone can't link)
posted by foxjacket at 6:44 AM on April 29, 2019
I cannot offer any other advice other than to note that wooh's advice above regarding New Zealand also applies to Australia, and though I can't comment on the quality of our sex workers they should be pretty easy to find.
posted by deadwax at 7:17 AM on April 29, 2019
posted by deadwax at 7:17 AM on April 29, 2019
I don't know much about this but I have heard that a lot of sex workers moved over to Mastodon at something called Switter. More info.
posted by lazaruslong at 7:20 AM on April 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by lazaruslong at 7:20 AM on April 29, 2019 [4 favorites]
(You might consider setting up a throwaway email address, and using the Contact link at the bottom of the page to ask a mod to add it to your question. This seems like a situation where people who knew stuff about it might not want to say so in complete public.)
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:37 AM on April 29, 2019 [10 favorites]
posted by nebulawindphone at 7:37 AM on April 29, 2019 [10 favorites]
You might try asking or working with a sex therapist (this list is from Find a Therapist, of sex therapists in Boston). I'm not sure they'd just give you recommendations for finding a sex worker if you called them up, but they might be able to help you work on things in a few sessions or therapeutic setting and then talk about options outside of therapy.
posted by cocoagirl at 10:59 AM on April 30, 2019
posted by cocoagirl at 10:59 AM on April 30, 2019
This thread is closed to new comments.
FWIW, I am a (queer, masculine) cis woman and when I have had a profile there I get a lot of messages even with no picture up and being clear about who I am, so it doesn't seem impossible that you would find a bisexual man there. While ordinarily I wouldn't encourage cishet people to go into queer spaces, honestly Grindr is more of a messy free-for-all.
posted by needs more cowbell at 5:35 AM on April 29, 2019 [1 favorite]