What reasons could someone have sleeping by the toilet?
April 19, 2019 7:46 AM Subscribe
My autistic cousin's landlord is nice, but really annoying and nosy. What excuse can we give him as to why my cousin needs to the room nearest the bathroom?
My cousin is mildly autistic and functions fine on her own as long as she's not in complex social situations. She lives in a building that is similiar to a dorm in that each floor has two bathrooms. Her landlord who is a nice guy, but really annoying with all his tenants. For example he lies often about which of his units are available because there are some rooms that are easier for him to rent than others. So if most people want unit A rather than B, he'll lie and say that Unit A is not available because he wants to see if he can get someone to take unit B. He doesn't seem to realize that all this does is keep Unit A empty and not paying him for a much longer period. He also loses tenants often because they find out eventually. Sometimes he'll put up a poster saying a room is a certain price and then when people go up to rent the room will say something like... "oh that was the old price... it's higher now". Or... he'll say unit A is available when it is not and then someone will come to see it and say... oh that one was taken today, but we have this other one.... Stuff like that.
My cousin would often be very confused with communications with the landlord and other tenants so we would go to talk to him. After years of dealing with him we realized, he's actually harmless if you know how to be with him and he's just kinda neurotic and really insecure. Also he's only like this when it comes to moving in. Once someone's already living in a room he's consistent doesn't try to scam with the rent or anything.
So my cousin would very much like to move from unit H to unit A (which will become available soon) because it is closest to the bathroom and she has incontinence issues and sometimes wears a diaper. But she doesn't want to tell the landlord about this problem she has which is understandable. The problem is that the landlord is nosy and demands reasons. When she mentions wanting that unit and paying for it just what he asks, he asks why and tries to get her to take other units instead. Lies and says it won't be available. (We know it will in two weeks). and keeps pushing her towards other units that are either less desirable or more expensive.
I think that if he understands the others are not an option he'll become more agreeable, but how do we make this clear without sacrificing my cousin's privacy? I was thinking perhaps we could lie to him about why it really needs to be that unit and come up with something less embarrassing than incontinence. It's none of his business anyway so we don't owe him the truth. But we don't want to yell at him and tell him to just give it to her already either because that certainly won't help. We just need to get past this stage and get him to ok the move to unit A because we know from all the tenants (and from our own experience) that these weirdo tendencies of his come out only upon renting an available spot. Once you're in a room there's no shenanigans and it's all smooth from there.
Looking for ideas or excuses as to why we could say she really needs the room closest to the bathroom without mentioning incontinence which she has made abundantly clear would be too embarrassing for her. She hates even talking about it with us.
My cousin is mildly autistic and functions fine on her own as long as she's not in complex social situations. She lives in a building that is similiar to a dorm in that each floor has two bathrooms. Her landlord who is a nice guy, but really annoying with all his tenants. For example he lies often about which of his units are available because there are some rooms that are easier for him to rent than others. So if most people want unit A rather than B, he'll lie and say that Unit A is not available because he wants to see if he can get someone to take unit B. He doesn't seem to realize that all this does is keep Unit A empty and not paying him for a much longer period. He also loses tenants often because they find out eventually. Sometimes he'll put up a poster saying a room is a certain price and then when people go up to rent the room will say something like... "oh that was the old price... it's higher now". Or... he'll say unit A is available when it is not and then someone will come to see it and say... oh that one was taken today, but we have this other one.... Stuff like that.
My cousin would often be very confused with communications with the landlord and other tenants so we would go to talk to him. After years of dealing with him we realized, he's actually harmless if you know how to be with him and he's just kinda neurotic and really insecure. Also he's only like this when it comes to moving in. Once someone's already living in a room he's consistent doesn't try to scam with the rent or anything.
So my cousin would very much like to move from unit H to unit A (which will become available soon) because it is closest to the bathroom and she has incontinence issues and sometimes wears a diaper. But she doesn't want to tell the landlord about this problem she has which is understandable. The problem is that the landlord is nosy and demands reasons. When she mentions wanting that unit and paying for it just what he asks, he asks why and tries to get her to take other units instead. Lies and says it won't be available. (We know it will in two weeks). and keeps pushing her towards other units that are either less desirable or more expensive.
I think that if he understands the others are not an option he'll become more agreeable, but how do we make this clear without sacrificing my cousin's privacy? I was thinking perhaps we could lie to him about why it really needs to be that unit and come up with something less embarrassing than incontinence. It's none of his business anyway so we don't owe him the truth. But we don't want to yell at him and tell him to just give it to her already either because that certainly won't help. We just need to get past this stage and get him to ok the move to unit A because we know from all the tenants (and from our own experience) that these weirdo tendencies of his come out only upon renting an available spot. Once you're in a room there's no shenanigans and it's all smooth from there.
Looking for ideas or excuses as to why we could say she really needs the room closest to the bathroom without mentioning incontinence which she has made abundantly clear would be too embarrassing for her. She hates even talking about it with us.
I actually don't think there's much to be gained by offering a reason--he'll just argue with whether it's important enough or even applicable. "I like my current unit, but I like A better. I'd really only want to go to the trouble of moving if I could move into A." Repeat until he's worn down and gives in.
Alternatively, you could go the ADA route, but that would be trouble and expense and might end up involving her having to discuss the incontinence issue with a lawyer or similar, which I can totally understand her not wanting to do.
Best of luck to her!
posted by praemunire at 7:54 AM on April 19, 2019 [7 favorites]
Alternatively, you could go the ADA route, but that would be trouble and expense and might end up involving her having to discuss the incontinence issue with a lawyer or similar, which I can totally understand her not wanting to do.
Best of luck to her!
posted by praemunire at 7:54 AM on April 19, 2019 [7 favorites]
"Because she needs to be closer to the bathroom" is a perfectly adequate reason. You could also add "...for medical reasons."
posted by ottereroticist at 7:56 AM on April 19, 2019 [24 favorites]
posted by ottereroticist at 7:56 AM on April 19, 2019 [24 favorites]
"For personal health reasons"?
posted by something something at 7:57 AM on April 19, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by something something at 7:57 AM on April 19, 2019 [6 favorites]
I actually think you don’t have to say much, because both of their desires are fairly reasonable, normal things (well, if you accept that this guy is just kind of a jerk landlord). It’s absolutely normal that a room closer to the bathroom would be more desirable. It’s absolutely normal that a somewhat-scheming landlord would try to get tenants to take less desirable rooms or pay more for more desirable rooms. In fact, given your description, it’s clear that he sees Unit A as more desirable and that’s why he’s giving your cousin guff about it, so she doesn’t need to explain why she wants to be close to the bathroom.
I would say, “Hey Landlord, I know that Unit A is coming up for rent because [however she knows this]. I’m very happy in Unit H currently but have always liked Unit A and would like to move in. I know you’re currently charging $X for it and would be happy to discuss terms. If we can’t agree on a rental price, I’ll just stay in Unit H—I’m not looking to move otherwise.”
posted by sallybrown at 7:57 AM on April 19, 2019 [2 favorites]
I would say, “Hey Landlord, I know that Unit A is coming up for rent because [however she knows this]. I’m very happy in Unit H currently but have always liked Unit A and would like to move in. I know you’re currently charging $X for it and would be happy to discuss terms. If we can’t agree on a rental price, I’ll just stay in Unit H—I’m not looking to move otherwise.”
posted by sallybrown at 7:57 AM on April 19, 2019 [2 favorites]
What a weird landlord! I would dtmfa and look for better accomodations tbh.
Like - who cares why someone wants a specific room. That is entirely the individual person's business.
Like - that sort of weird business/social interaction would drive me bonkers and I'm not even autistic.
Good luck with whatever happens.
posted by PistachioRoux at 8:38 AM on April 19, 2019 [5 favorites]
Like - who cares why someone wants a specific room. That is entirely the individual person's business.
Like - that sort of weird business/social interaction would drive me bonkers and I'm not even autistic.
Good luck with whatever happens.
posted by PistachioRoux at 8:38 AM on April 19, 2019 [5 favorites]
Agree with other folks that "Actually I'm/she's hoping to move to this room because it's closer to the bathroom" is sufficient explanation.
But if the landlord presses at all, might he be the type to respect (i.e., be afraid of) a vague reference to mysterious feminine issues? Like, "No she'd just like to be closer to the bathroom. For [short frustrated-but-not-embarrassed pause] GIRL reasons!"
posted by cogitron at 8:59 AM on April 19, 2019 [9 favorites]
But if the landlord presses at all, might he be the type to respect (i.e., be afraid of) a vague reference to mysterious feminine issues? Like, "No she'd just like to be closer to the bathroom. For [short frustrated-but-not-embarrassed pause] GIRL reasons!"
posted by cogitron at 8:59 AM on April 19, 2019 [9 favorites]
Agree with other folks that "Actually I'm/she's hoping to move to this room because it's closer to the bathroom" is sufficient explanation.
I agree. Her reason for wanting to change rooms is because Room A is close to the bathroom. That's a normal and pretty self-explanatory reason.
If he presses for even more info about why she wants to be close to the bathroom, though, I would just say "because it seems like that'd be convenient."
If he asks, "convenient how?" at that point, I'd just give him a funny look. I mean, come on. Does he really need an in-depth explanation about bodily functions?
Your cousin should also not worry that he's going to guess that she wants to be close to the bathroom specifically because of incontinence. There are a million reasons why it would be convenient, everything from not wanting to schlep toiletries as far back and forth to it being more discreet after sex to it being faster if you're someone who takes lots of bathroom breaks. Really not a big deal. And demanding lots of detail about her bathroom habits is boundary-crossing on his part, if he persists -- it's not something that she should feel compelled to humor.
posted by rue72 at 9:13 AM on April 19, 2019 [3 favorites]
I agree. Her reason for wanting to change rooms is because Room A is close to the bathroom. That's a normal and pretty self-explanatory reason.
If he presses for even more info about why she wants to be close to the bathroom, though, I would just say "because it seems like that'd be convenient."
If he asks, "convenient how?" at that point, I'd just give him a funny look. I mean, come on. Does he really need an in-depth explanation about bodily functions?
Your cousin should also not worry that he's going to guess that she wants to be close to the bathroom specifically because of incontinence. There are a million reasons why it would be convenient, everything from not wanting to schlep toiletries as far back and forth to it being more discreet after sex to it being faster if you're someone who takes lots of bathroom breaks. Really not a big deal. And demanding lots of detail about her bathroom habits is boundary-crossing on his part, if he persists -- it's not something that she should feel compelled to humor.
posted by rue72 at 9:13 AM on April 19, 2019 [3 favorites]
You could suggest if she doesn't get room A that you'll be looking elsewhere for an apartment and he'll have two units to rent as it's important to them.
But you want to be pretty sure he's a) motivated to keep a known tenant 2) hasn't promised it to someone else and end up in an awkward situation especially if he wants to stay.
posted by AlexiaSky at 9:30 AM on April 19, 2019
But you want to be pretty sure he's a) motivated to keep a known tenant 2) hasn't promised it to someone else and end up in an awkward situation especially if he wants to stay.
posted by AlexiaSky at 9:30 AM on April 19, 2019
Most people would appreciate not having to walk as far to the bathroom. It's not weird at all.
Also, the landlord might respond to the idea that she's been a loyal tenant for X amount of time, so moving closer to the bathroom is something she "deserves". Not my favorite reason for anything, but some people respond to it.
posted by amtho at 9:48 AM on April 19, 2019
Also, the landlord might respond to the idea that she's been a loyal tenant for X amount of time, so moving closer to the bathroom is something she "deserves". Not my favorite reason for anything, but some people respond to it.
posted by amtho at 9:48 AM on April 19, 2019
Yeah I would just say that I don't like a long walk when need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. It wakes me up and takes me longer to get back to sleep.
posted by smoke at 2:19 PM on April 19, 2019
posted by smoke at 2:19 PM on April 19, 2019
"Because she needs to be closer to the bathroom" Blah, blah, why? Oh, that gets too personal, you know how girls are. She'd just like to be near the bathroom. Make it kind of wink wink, nudge, knowwhatImean? Women, amirite?
posted by theora55 at 2:35 PM on April 19, 2019
posted by theora55 at 2:35 PM on April 19, 2019
I have overactive bladder / uti issues. I am not incontinent but I wake up frequently to pee. My period alone is enough of a pain but this too... I'm straight up anxious when not near a toilet.
That said, none of his freaking business. She wants room A because it's closer to the restroom and that's that - it's either for rent or not and is follow through on looking elsewhere.
posted by jrobin276 at 4:15 PM on April 19, 2019 [1 favorite]
That said, none of his freaking business. She wants room A because it's closer to the restroom and that's that - it's either for rent or not and is follow through on looking elsewhere.
posted by jrobin276 at 4:15 PM on April 19, 2019 [1 favorite]
"She wants to be closer to the bathroom."
"Why?"
"You don't want to know."
posted by bile and syntax at 6:08 PM on April 19, 2019
"Why?"
"You don't want to know."
posted by bile and syntax at 6:08 PM on April 19, 2019
"She wants to be closer to the bathroom."
"Why?"
"You don't want to know."
"Yeah, I do."
"I have a friend who's a lawyer who specializes in disabilities claims -- should I get back with you on that? Because I'm pretty sure all I have to say is it's for medical issues without going into the gritty details."
posted by TrishaU at 12:47 AM on April 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
"Why?"
"You don't want to know."
"Yeah, I do."
"I have a friend who's a lawyer who specializes in disabilities claims -- should I get back with you on that? Because I'm pretty sure all I have to say is it's for medical issues without going into the gritty details."
posted by TrishaU at 12:47 AM on April 20, 2019 [1 favorite]
If you are the one doing the negotiating I find the "Joe Biden Look Here" intro to a sentence is a good way to land a point. (I'm not kidding lol! It works in many occasions!)
"Look Here, she wants to be closer to the restroom, make this happen for her"
The landlord is looking for help to get past his weird behavior. help him get past it by being a firm negotiator.
posted by nikaspark at 9:00 AM on April 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
"Look Here, she wants to be closer to the restroom, make this happen for her"
The landlord is looking for help to get past his weird behavior. help him get past it by being a firm negotiator.
posted by nikaspark at 9:00 AM on April 20, 2019 [4 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
That's a totally reasonable thing on its own merits and doesn't need further justification -- think about how people who buy single family houses like en suite and jack-and-jill bathrooms so the bathroom is right there in the bedroom instead of down the hall.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:53 AM on April 19, 2019 [22 favorites]