Help me get over my career depression
April 16, 2019 12:35 PM   Subscribe

A couple bad experiences make me feel really negative

In my 20s I studied communications and worked in the arts and worked in the non profit world a bit. Mainly as coordinator, travel planning, and doing some communications. It was always my goal to become full time communications person in a non profit organization or arts organization . I haven't managed to get hired for those positions yet and have had to bounce around as an executive assistant and copy editor. My main talent is language skills for reading, writing, editing but over the course of the year I realized I am exceptional at the skill of "empathy" as well (though until now I've avoided public-facing roles because I am quite introverted).

Then as I got older (ok, I was 29, it was last year) I was trying to be responsible and plan for the future so I decided to make the switch to IT. I got a support job in a company that had a great reputation for supporting professional growth across all levels of employees even the bottom rung. I've been doing that for the past year and it's become clear that as the company has grown massively in the past year their culture of fostering professional development has disappeared and so now I find myself in a dead end job that also made me so burned out that I had to take 2 months of sick leave (and also found out recently that several coworkers are on sick leave as well). I did learn a lot over the course of the year, mainly improved my interpersonal communication skills by a heck of a lot, but it came at a big cost to my wellbeing.

I feel really demoralized and stupid about this and I'm having trouble moving on with my life. I always in the past worked in organizations that , even if they don't pay as well, at least I believe in what they're doing in the world. To be clear the company is not evil in any way, I just find their mission mundane. I find myself working for a corporation where I don't feel personally connected or invested in its mission in the world. Initially I felt that going against my personal values was okay because it was going to lead me to a stable career where I could build some kind of family life and I felt that the bigger picture was worth that sacrifice. But now that I've realized the promises made when I was hired will now all be broken, I feel such a sense of regret for navigating out of a trajectory that, even if it was nothing prestigious on paper, at least gave me a sense of personal satisfaction that I was among like-minded people and working for something I believe in, however marginal my roles may have been.

I know all of this probably sounds like a lot of drama for nothing but I guess I am a very emotional person. ( I also might be having mental health problems right now, some kind of burn out) I need to feel like what I am doing in the world is helping a cause that I believe in, be it an art organization that produces meaningful work or a non profit organization that helps marginalized people. I need to feel that I am serving a deeper purpose in my work even if I'm just an assistant or something. That probably sounds silly or whatnot and I should have probably gone into a "helping profession" if I really feel driven to help people but it's too late for that now.

I've thought about talking to a spiritual leader about this because I feel they will understand at least. I wasn't raised in any religious tradition sadly, but I have considered attending United church sometimes.

So I guess what I need help with is:
1) moving on from this feeling of being totally demoralized and disappointed in myself and the company I work for
2) Getting back into the non profit world where I feel most at home.
3) Accepting the fact that I am not designed to work in for-profit companies.
4) Actually moving on from this and becoming confident in my skills again and energetic enough to apply to new positions let alone start one.
5) Any other ideas that come to mind.
posted by winterportage to Society & Culture (13 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
 
1.) Treat this past year as a learning experience, especially in growing your skillset and knowing where your career passions lie.

2.) That's a matter of brushing up the resume and deciding what you want to do within the nonprofit sector. Do you want to continue to do IT, but for a company more aligned with your values? Then do that. If you want to go back to what you were doing before, then you may need to figure out how best to position yourself to do that.

3.) I think that's an internal thing, but recognize that people have various career paths throughout their lifetimes, so right now, what might be best is to concentrate on what's going to get you back on a good path, knowing that you can change what you do whenever it suits you (and when you can get into a job that does that).

4.) Find things outside of your career to focus on for a bit, then use that energy to boost your confidence and start on the grind of looking for something new.

5.) I think this is a very common thing to happen to people around your age group. You've been in the working world for a good decade or so, and now you're navigating the balance between "making a living" and "feeling good about what you do." So don't beat yourself up too much (if you can help it) about a misstep. Most people these days tend to try on a lot of different professional hats, so it may just be time to try on something new.
posted by xingcat at 12:44 PM on April 16, 2019 [5 favorites]


It really just sounds like you hate your job and everything else follows from that core problem. Get the hell out of that company, maybe even avoid IT entirely if empathy is one of your character sheet feats. You feel a calling to good work, to help others. That's wonderful, not everyone has that drive and it's definitely not too late to transition back into such a field. Feeling demoralized and disappointed is natural given how you feel about your work and company, I really know how you feel, I'm doing a job right now I can't feel good about, FFS sometimes I literally design advertising, one of the Great Evils of Humanity. It sucks to go home and know that you not only did nothing of value in a day, but might have actually worked to create negative value.

I think you'll feel immensely better about yourself and regain that confidence once you're back where you belong, being a helper. Sometimes you sacrifice for a shit job, lose part of yourself, watch your soul atrophy -- but it's not permanent! You can and will flourish again and this part of your history will just be a dim sour note on the path to where you are in the future. It's also good you gave non-profit a fair try and determined it ain't for you. Everybody ends up doing shit they hate, the trick is recognizing that and finding a path out.

Lastly, you are more than your work. Work is a cruel reality of the way we've structured civilization, and in the end we're all technically evil or bad people for the ways we contribute and participate, but there is satisfaction to be had in doing things you can deem as less-harmful or even helpful.

Good luck on your job search, you will feel much better once you're out of the crapsack for-profit grind.
posted by GoblinHoney at 12:49 PM on April 16, 2019 [1 favorite]


I think an IT support role where you have to be "on" every second of the day would be hugely draining for an introvert. Your brain might just be feeling a little bruised after going through something extremely taxing. I know that sometimes I feel like when I'm really tired, drained, stressed, etc., my brain is not the best at knowing what's going on with itself and it'll start to drum up feelings of sadness and depression to match how bad I feel physically, that when I notice this happening and think about it, don't really exist. I'm not actually sad about anything, I'm just tired. I'm just saying this in case it helps because if you're actually just tired and drained, don't make it worse on yourself by adding a layer of judgement or beating yourself up about any of this.

I agree with you though about needing to be in a job that you can feel is doing something good for the world. You only get a certain number of days on earth and most of us spend the majority of them at work. It's not dramatic or crazy to want to feel like you're spending those limited hours doing something that matters. I think as soon as you find the right fit, both career-wise and employer-wise, you'll be feeling a lot better.
posted by bleep at 1:13 PM on April 16, 2019 [2 favorites]


I traveled down such a similar path! Down to getting into IT in my 30's. And being uninspired by a job in a profit-driven corporate company. I'm now very happy using my skills in academia.

Great news! IT skills are useful at a lot of mission-driven organizations too. From technical support to web development to "Data for Good", there's a lot of needs to fill. The nonprofit, public health, public policy, government, academia, and research worlds all use these technologies too. These jobs do often pay better than the entry-level nonprofit jobs you worked in your 20's.

Possible jobs:

- web developer at a company that serves the nonprofit niche
- freelance tech support for the nonprofit niche
- tech support at a library, school, university, or hospital
- data analyst for a city or government
- tech skills instructor at an afterschool program or workforce reentry program

My suggestion is that you might want to use your prior contacts to help you find a paid position, volunteer, or internship using some combination of your current skills + your previous skills. Then network from there to find the position that is the best fit for you and your goals.
posted by ElisaOS at 1:28 PM on April 16, 2019 [2 favorites]


My main talent is language skills for reading, writing, editing but over the course of the year I realized I am exceptional at the skill of "empathy" as well

I don’t know where you are, but in my area nonprofits are struggling to hire and retain marketing and fundraising staff with digital skills*. Language skills and empathy are a great start; if you can upskill in digital marketing fundamentals a world of opportunities opens up. That’s different from IT, so if IT is your chosen path, ignore this. It just sounds like you would be a great fit for a burgeoning digital team in a mid- to large nonprofit.

*I was a marketer for 10 years before moving to the nonprofit sector, the “digital divide” is much bigger there than I realized before.
posted by third word on a random page at 3:06 PM on April 16, 2019 [4 favorites]


Ah, i see you’re in Montreal, which is a hot spot for fundraising consultancies to the rest of Canada (in English). DM me, I can recommend at least one business I know is always looking for smart nonprofit communicators.
posted by third word on a random page at 3:08 PM on April 16, 2019


Ok, what would you go back to in the non-profit sector? More admin / a smattering of PR, for very little pay, and little chance of progression? (Unless you did an MA in something more specialized that would let you have a hand in policy, or advanced number crunching, or went back to do PR at a college to write press release after press release and then maybe a report or two, on a (probably) ugly or boring or nonfunctional website, with probably not that huge an audience?) A sense of mission of course matters... but it can only pull you through a grind for so long. Being broke gets *old*. It’s fine for people with an inheritance or who have additional support from a wealthy spouse... but iirc you’re Ontario based? COL is stupid anywhere there are jobs, this won’t get better soon...

I understand it’s painful to work for Eg a cat food company (for example). I do. But there are companies providing actually amazing and helpful services or products, that make a difference in people’s lives. See if you can find one with a decent culture and opportunities for growth?

It’s not actually too late for you to retrain and get into healthcare (really it’s not). But you’re experiencing burnout now - how much of that is the company and how much is the emotional labour? (If it’s mostly the environment, by all means, volunteer somewhere and see if you think a new part could be for you.)

You could get a job at a company you could live with, save some money, and do something else. Maybe start your own non-profit, for example. Or get a masters in a helping profession and just go for it.

But, the non profit admin grind at poverty wages... really think about / remember what that would feel like and what it would offer you in terms of possibilities.
posted by cotton dress sock at 3:10 PM on April 16, 2019 [2 favorites]


Just wanted to say you're not alone.

I'm in my mid-40s, and most of my jobs so far have been either creative or (now) non-profit with a cause I believe in (in comms, funnily enough). At one point, though, because I didn't have a job and had to pay the bills, I got an administrative job in financial services, the kind of company that works hard on retention and employee loyalty, great benefits. Hoo boy, did I discover what it was I appreciated about my other jobs. I literally could not see the point in going to work each day when the sole purpose of my every moment was making more money for people who have already got waaay more than they need or deserve. I lasted 4 months, and now I know not to go after that kind of job again, and appreciate that the things I love about my current job are not a given. I'm not rich, but I'm comfortable after a few years in the same line of work and having gradually worked my way up. I don't get the fancy holidays my management consultant friends get, but if I ever feel sore about it, I remind myself what they have to do for work and know my soul would shrivel if I had to do that, and I feel much better about my life choices.

Nothing's over, and most people have multiple careers over the course of their life these days. You've found out something important, and that lesson will be with you for life, so now you can course correct and start looking looking for your next opportunity.
posted by penguin pie at 3:19 PM on April 16, 2019


Oh also, I realized you might be saying that you've tried United Church of Christ churches. They're all different, many are progressive. I belong to one that does a lot to contribute to my local community. That link might help you find one near you.
posted by ElisaOS at 3:43 PM on April 16, 2019


To me you seem well-poised to switch back to the nonprofit sector. Your communication/administrative skills are ridiculously valuable to folks who did go into helping professions. Sure, you're not going to get rich, but if you're thoughtful about the jobs you accept, you can do okay. And you'll have a very compelling narrative for interviewers - you tried something different but didn't feel passionate about it.

Career stuff can be frustrating and scary. Be kind to yourself and get whatever help you need to weather this dark patch. And at the risk of being glib: You lived through a recession! You held jobs adjacent to your educational background! You're basically pretty awesome.
posted by toastedcheese at 6:01 PM on April 16, 2019 [2 favorites]


>part

should have been “path”, I’m sorry. I just saw you’re actually in Montreal, sorry - so there’s less financial pressure, which is lucky and buys you time with the cheaper COL. Still, specializing in anything - whether that happens by moving up in a company that promotes progression or lateral moves, or a new qualification, would mitigate the kind of stress you chose to leave (with good reason imo).
posted by cotton dress sock at 6:37 PM on April 16, 2019


For number 3, is the problem that you feel like the definition of success is upwardly mobile, particularly in terms of pay and title? This is something I also have struggled with, both within and outside of nonprofits. How I'm trying to combat that feeling is by developing a career/skills where I feel good about the work I do, irrespective of the industry it supports. Is there anything in your current role that could be leveraged towards that in the nonprofit sector?
posted by sm1tten at 8:48 PM on April 16, 2019


I totally get it and have worked for mission driven organizations all my life. But cotton dress sock makes good points. I'm here to suggest you look at the public sector. Livable wages for administrative and tech support roles? Check. Job security you can raise a family on? Check (better than the non profit OR corporate sector). Well defined advancement paths? Check. All you have to do is find a job with an agency whose work you believe is helping people. The Department of Housing? Water Quality Protection? There are a lot of important things going on out there. And sure some agencies don't have a good culture (e.g., they're too bureaucratic; the staff gets jaded). But I know a lot of people who went into public service because they wanted to do good. Good luck!
posted by slidell at 10:21 PM on April 16, 2019 [3 favorites]


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