How to stop worrying about work?
April 6, 2019 6:08 PM Subscribe
Work has been difficult for me lately. I had a big talk with my supervisor about what I needed from her and from my role and she took it better than expected. The two main things were more autonomy and fewer rewrites of my work. Since then she has heaped up the responsibility on to me so that I have several big projects to deliver before the end of financial year in June. But I keep worrying about it.
I am glad to have the chance to prove myself and feel like if I can do this i will be able to prove that i deserve a promotion. But I keep worrying that if I fail to perform to her high standards, she will use it as a reason to treat me like a child and I will have to look for another job. In my field job opportunities are few and competitive so I don’t want to wind up looking for work before I’m ready. But I have not done big projects by myself like this before and I know that my supervisor has very high standards and is a bit of a perfectionist. Even though it is a good chance in many ways I am being given the work because my supervisor doesn’t want to have to do it herself and because I asked for more autonomy not because she thinks I am ready. I feel a little as if she’s waiting for me to fail. At our big discussion she pulled me up on two “mistakes” I made on smaller tasks- which I don’t see as mistakes but simply a different way to approach the tasks- so I am worried I won’t be evaluated according to fair criteria but instead according to how closely I can match the way my supervisor and my director would have approached the delivery of these projects.
My question is: how do I stop worrying about this and just get on and do my best?
What can I do to set myself up for success?
I am glad to have the chance to prove myself and feel like if I can do this i will be able to prove that i deserve a promotion. But I keep worrying that if I fail to perform to her high standards, she will use it as a reason to treat me like a child and I will have to look for another job. In my field job opportunities are few and competitive so I don’t want to wind up looking for work before I’m ready. But I have not done big projects by myself like this before and I know that my supervisor has very high standards and is a bit of a perfectionist. Even though it is a good chance in many ways I am being given the work because my supervisor doesn’t want to have to do it herself and because I asked for more autonomy not because she thinks I am ready. I feel a little as if she’s waiting for me to fail. At our big discussion she pulled me up on two “mistakes” I made on smaller tasks- which I don’t see as mistakes but simply a different way to approach the tasks- so I am worried I won’t be evaluated according to fair criteria but instead according to how closely I can match the way my supervisor and my director would have approached the delivery of these projects.
My question is: how do I stop worrying about this and just get on and do my best?
What can I do to set myself up for success?
Last month you wrote I don’t seem to be good at the core skills this job requires and that makes me demotivated and wondering if I’ll ever master what I have to do.
Since then apparently you've approached your supervisor to tell her you don't need to be managed and asked for more autonomy, and now you are worried you won't meet standards you seem to have decided are perfectionistic. (They might well be, I don't know.) And you don't, it sounds like, actually have experience on these big projects. But you are expecting a promotion.
This is pretty weird thinking.
As best I can tell...it seems like you are digging yourself a hole here by not actually listening to or working with your supervisor. You need to find out what your supervisor expects. What I would suggest is that you outline how you plan to attack these projects and what you will do between now and when they are due. Then take that plan to your supervisor and check in to see what she thinks. Then listen to her feedback and apply it to your plan.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:07 PM on April 6, 2019 [12 favorites]
Since then apparently you've approached your supervisor to tell her you don't need to be managed and asked for more autonomy, and now you are worried you won't meet standards you seem to have decided are perfectionistic. (They might well be, I don't know.) And you don't, it sounds like, actually have experience on these big projects. But you are expecting a promotion.
This is pretty weird thinking.
As best I can tell...it seems like you are digging yourself a hole here by not actually listening to or working with your supervisor. You need to find out what your supervisor expects. What I would suggest is that you outline how you plan to attack these projects and what you will do between now and when they are due. Then take that plan to your supervisor and check in to see what she thinks. Then listen to her feedback and apply it to your plan.
posted by warriorqueen at 7:07 PM on April 6, 2019 [12 favorites]
Response by poster: @praemunire - I declined the job because it wasn’t something I was interested in, I wasn’t ready to look for a new job as I felt I had more to learn in this one (like taking on these kinds of projects) and it was presented as an opportunity at the same level (though they did also have jobs one level up)
Also guys please remember to be kind!
posted by EatMyHat at 7:18 PM on April 6, 2019
Also guys please remember to be kind!
posted by EatMyHat at 7:18 PM on April 6, 2019
I'm being practical here: unless you can literally point to undisputable numbers that show that your way was the better way, it doesn't matter how genius your alternative approach is if your superiors don't sign on to it, and it doesn't sound like you currently have their confidence such that they will be supporting your creativity. Right now (by your report) you haven't even yet mastered doing things the way your bosses want them done. I really recommend focusing on that; warriorqueen's idea of working up a plan and then checking in with your boss about it sounds like an excellent idea. Once you have established you can get things done to the bosses' satisfaction, it's a lot easier to get support for your own ideas.
posted by praemunire at 7:57 PM on April 6, 2019 [4 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 7:57 PM on April 6, 2019 [4 favorites]
so I am worried I won’t be evaluated according to fair criteria but instead according to how closely I can match the way my supervisor and my director would have approached the delivery of these projects.
that isn't unfair, it's the job. the job is to do what your supervisor and director ask you to do, to produce whatever this work product is in the way they want it done. a job is to do what your superiors ask you to do.
if you can't stand being an employee who takes orders you disagree with, and many people can't, there's freelancing/private practice. sometimes you can tell clients or customers what they should want, and it works, they believe you. but you can't do that with bosses who already know what they want.
which I don’t see as mistakes but simply a different way to approach the tasks
but it's a job. a mistake is anything you do that your boss tells you not to do. their taste controls. they choose the house style. they tell you what a mistake is.
if their standards are inconsistent or impossible to understand, sure, speak up about it. but if their standards are just very particular and very rigid, meeting those standards is the work.
posted by queenofbithynia at 9:34 PM on April 6, 2019 [15 favorites]
that isn't unfair, it's the job. the job is to do what your supervisor and director ask you to do, to produce whatever this work product is in the way they want it done. a job is to do what your superiors ask you to do.
if you can't stand being an employee who takes orders you disagree with, and many people can't, there's freelancing/private practice. sometimes you can tell clients or customers what they should want, and it works, they believe you. but you can't do that with bosses who already know what they want.
which I don’t see as mistakes but simply a different way to approach the tasks
but it's a job. a mistake is anything you do that your boss tells you not to do. their taste controls. they choose the house style. they tell you what a mistake is.
if their standards are inconsistent or impossible to understand, sure, speak up about it. but if their standards are just very particular and very rigid, meeting those standards is the work.
posted by queenofbithynia at 9:34 PM on April 6, 2019 [15 favorites]
Break out your project into steps, review checkpoints, and deliverables. Map those to a timeline for getting stuff done.
Hire a copy editor / proof-reader via Metafilter Jobs at a cut rate to preview your deliverables before you review them with your boss. This will give you a better a sense of where her opinion is valid and where it's just her opinion.
For what it's worth, it sounds like your boss may be being unfair to you. Don't take it personally. Take the criticism on the chin and move on. Or leave. You'll have a better idea of what the best move is when you see how these projects go.
I've had bosses that are way smarter than me and better at what I do that have been incredibly gracious with me. I've worked for total boneheads that looked to demean me at every turn for no reason. I've found, in general, that it goes that way. A truly capable boss is usually generous in spirit.
Also, I've learned that when I share my work some people want to put their input and paw prints on it. Where reasonable, I let them. I even compliment them on making the product better. I consider it money in the bank for a future time when I feel strongly about not making a change. They're more likely to listen if they feel I've listened to them and appreciate their input.
posted by xammerboy at 9:47 PM on April 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
Hire a copy editor / proof-reader via Metafilter Jobs at a cut rate to preview your deliverables before you review them with your boss. This will give you a better a sense of where her opinion is valid and where it's just her opinion.
For what it's worth, it sounds like your boss may be being unfair to you. Don't take it personally. Take the criticism on the chin and move on. Or leave. You'll have a better idea of what the best move is when you see how these projects go.
I've had bosses that are way smarter than me and better at what I do that have been incredibly gracious with me. I've worked for total boneheads that looked to demean me at every turn for no reason. I've found, in general, that it goes that way. A truly capable boss is usually generous in spirit.
Also, I've learned that when I share my work some people want to put their input and paw prints on it. Where reasonable, I let them. I even compliment them on making the product better. I consider it money in the bank for a future time when I feel strongly about not making a change. They're more likely to listen if they feel I've listened to them and appreciate their input.
posted by xammerboy at 9:47 PM on April 6, 2019 [3 favorites]
I'm going to take a slightly dissenting view to the perspective that a job is about doing precisely what your supervisor wants, exactly how they would do it. I mean, you don't want to come into open conflict with your supervisor, and "what I did wasn't a mistake, it was just a different approach" is usually not a good hill to die on, but in some work environments and topics it's entirely possible that you can end up being held negatively accountable later for following instructions you disagreed with in bad faith and allowing a sub-par product to be created. If you spot a problem, shrug and say "well, the boss wanted it this way, who am I to use my reasoning skills," you're not immune from being held accountable for the problem.
I think taking personal interest in the best way to do things is ultimately a positive trait, not a thing to unquestioningly beat out of yourself to thrive in the workplace. I don't know how people can grow in their jobs without showing some aptitude/interest in exercising their own judgement. But just be very cautious about when and how you do so in conflict with a known boss preference.
posted by space snail at 10:17 PM on April 6, 2019 [4 favorites]
I think taking personal interest in the best way to do things is ultimately a positive trait, not a thing to unquestioningly beat out of yourself to thrive in the workplace. I don't know how people can grow in their jobs without showing some aptitude/interest in exercising their own judgement. But just be very cautious about when and how you do so in conflict with a known boss preference.
posted by space snail at 10:17 PM on April 6, 2019 [4 favorites]
If these are important projects and your boss is delegating them to you she is probably still on the hook for them unless they were turned over to you formally taking her out of the line of reporting completely. So she probably thinks you can do these projects and is interested in seeing them be successful. So she would probably point you in the right direction if you ask her for input. As this is a step up for you it is not unreasonable to ask to check in with her every now and then to share what you’re doing, any anticipated problems and how you’re mitigating them and ask if you’re missing anything. You’re still owning the project but you’re validating some things with somebody more experienced who is able to point out potential pitfalls.
On the other hand, if your workplace is so dysfunctional that the organisation has decided that it is a good idea to derail these projects by giving them to somebody who is unlikely to be able to complete them, i.e. they set you up for failure, then your main concern should be to find a new job.
Finally, there should be clear criteria for these projects and if you’re not clear what they are you need to find out. But if you’re asking to take on work that is a step up then you have to accept that your performance will be evaluated against the criteria for that more challenging work. There is nothing unfair about that.
posted by koahiatamadl at 4:35 AM on April 7, 2019 [2 favorites]
On the other hand, if your workplace is so dysfunctional that the organisation has decided that it is a good idea to derail these projects by giving them to somebody who is unlikely to be able to complete them, i.e. they set you up for failure, then your main concern should be to find a new job.
Finally, there should be clear criteria for these projects and if you’re not clear what they are you need to find out. But if you’re asking to take on work that is a step up then you have to accept that your performance will be evaluated against the criteria for that more challenging work. There is nothing unfair about that.
posted by koahiatamadl at 4:35 AM on April 7, 2019 [2 favorites]
following instructions you disagreed with in bad faith and allowing a sub-par product to be created.
sure, but it sounds like this is only a process issue: "simply a different way to approach the tasks." the only jobs where I didn't have a preferred order or idiosyncratic method or (dis)organization of my own, that I secretly thought was better than the official way, were the ones where I got to write the handbook and do the training myself. most people feel that way, I think. so what you do is you quietly do it your way, banking on the finished product being indistinguishable from one produced the official way. (this, I think, is what the OP has already tried.) then, you wait to see if anybody notices. and if they don't, you go on about your business using your own methods and everyone's happy.
but sometimes they do notice! and mind! and then you can explain why your way is just as good or better. and they can reject your argument. because you aren't always right about what does and doesn't matter, and they don't have to be right to demand the service they hire you to perform, instead of a different but equally good service.
this is about writing reports. but it's not very different from hiring me to clean your apartment with your own dumb organic products. I can say Oh but my own chemicals are a lot more effective, work faster, and all you really care about is the end product, right? you want your counters clean, what do you care how they get that way? but if you do care, you have a right to care, even if your reasons are dumb and make my job harder.
posted by queenofbithynia at 9:20 AM on April 7, 2019
sure, but it sounds like this is only a process issue: "simply a different way to approach the tasks." the only jobs where I didn't have a preferred order or idiosyncratic method or (dis)organization of my own, that I secretly thought was better than the official way, were the ones where I got to write the handbook and do the training myself. most people feel that way, I think. so what you do is you quietly do it your way, banking on the finished product being indistinguishable from one produced the official way. (this, I think, is what the OP has already tried.) then, you wait to see if anybody notices. and if they don't, you go on about your business using your own methods and everyone's happy.
but sometimes they do notice! and mind! and then you can explain why your way is just as good or better. and they can reject your argument. because you aren't always right about what does and doesn't matter, and they don't have to be right to demand the service they hire you to perform, instead of a different but equally good service.
this is about writing reports. but it's not very different from hiring me to clean your apartment with your own dumb organic products. I can say Oh but my own chemicals are a lot more effective, work faster, and all you really care about is the end product, right? you want your counters clean, what do you care how they get that way? but if you do care, you have a right to care, even if your reasons are dumb and make my job harder.
posted by queenofbithynia at 9:20 AM on April 7, 2019
Your boss is asking you to put your money where your mouth is regarding wanting more responsibility. You asked us how best to succeed. So my tip for you is: you must look at all the work you do through her eyes. Put on your Boss Glasses. This makes her reactions totally predictable, and therefore manageable; and will also make you a more skilled person, as you learn to incorporate other perspectives into your work.
You might think XXX is a valid way of doing something; but would she? If your way is merely different, and not demonstrably better, is this worth being called out on? If not, don't die on that hill. Tweak it enough that she'll recognise your way as being 'within known parameters' and therefore safe and reliable; and keep going.
The benefit of putting on your Boss Glasses is that not only do you avoid criticism that's not actually warranted, but it forces you to think about what she might be thinking about; and thereby you practise a skill which you will need when you are eventually promoted.
Whose perspective is your boss considering? Whose opinion and criticism is she managing? Might she actually be doing and saying things for good reasons, even if those reason are currently opaque to you?
One of the harsh facts of being a manager is that you're often dealing with politics or messages or conflicting priorities which you shield your direct reports from, because that's part of your job as a manager; but you as one of those direct reports now no longer gets to plead ignorance, if you are also agitating for more responsibility.
posted by citands at 5:11 AM on April 8, 2019
You might think XXX is a valid way of doing something; but would she? If your way is merely different, and not demonstrably better, is this worth being called out on? If not, don't die on that hill. Tweak it enough that she'll recognise your way as being 'within known parameters' and therefore safe and reliable; and keep going.
The benefit of putting on your Boss Glasses is that not only do you avoid criticism that's not actually warranted, but it forces you to think about what she might be thinking about; and thereby you practise a skill which you will need when you are eventually promoted.
Whose perspective is your boss considering? Whose opinion and criticism is she managing? Might she actually be doing and saying things for good reasons, even if those reason are currently opaque to you?
One of the harsh facts of being a manager is that you're often dealing with politics or messages or conflicting priorities which you shield your direct reports from, because that's part of your job as a manager; but you as one of those direct reports now no longer gets to plead ignorance, if you are also agitating for more responsibility.
posted by citands at 5:11 AM on April 8, 2019
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posted by praemunire at 6:36 PM on April 6, 2019 [7 favorites]