Is there a term for empathy minus sharing feelings?
March 7, 2019 11:08 AM Subscribe
Per Google, empathy means "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another" and sympathy means "feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune". Is there a term that means understanding the feelings of another, but not sharing them?
For context, I don't consider myself an empathetic person - it's pretty uncommon for me to be affected substantively by the emotions of another person. That said, I feel like I can say sometimes that I understand their feelings, even if I don't share them.
For context, I don't consider myself an empathetic person - it's pretty uncommon for me to be affected substantively by the emotions of another person. That said, I feel like I can say sometimes that I understand their feelings, even if I don't share them.
I think "sympathy" is mostly used to mean what you're looking for, outside of the "sympathies for your loss" sort of context.
posted by restless_nomad at 11:23 AM on March 7, 2019
posted by restless_nomad at 11:23 AM on March 7, 2019
For (American) English language questions, Merriam-Webster is an excellent place to start.
They have a page on empathy vs. sympathy.
The summary: "The difference in meaning is usually explained with some variation of the following: sympathy is when you share the feelings of another; empathy is when you understand the feelings of another but do not necessarily share them."
This is actually somewhat the opposite of my previous understanding, but as the discussion there and the many examples show, the difference can be complex.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 11:25 AM on March 7, 2019 [1 favorite]
They have a page on empathy vs. sympathy.
The summary: "The difference in meaning is usually explained with some variation of the following: sympathy is when you share the feelings of another; empathy is when you understand the feelings of another but do not necessarily share them."
This is actually somewhat the opposite of my previous understanding, but as the discussion there and the many examples show, the difference can be complex.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 11:25 AM on March 7, 2019 [1 favorite]
To be “cognisant”?
posted by Middlemarch at 11:52 AM on March 7, 2019
posted by Middlemarch at 11:52 AM on March 7, 2019
I think of this as compassion, and specifically compassionate detachment (or non-attachment), which can be practiced through loving kindness meditation.
posted by stellaluna at 11:53 AM on March 7, 2019 [2 favorites]
posted by stellaluna at 11:53 AM on March 7, 2019 [2 favorites]
Best answer: You might be looking for the term cognitive empathy. There are different types of empathy -- what you describe as "being substantively affected by the emotions of another person" sounds like emotional empathy, where you catch the feelings of others and experience them like your own. In contrast, cognitive empathy means understanding the felt experiences of others, but not actively feeling them yourself in that moment.
Depending on the nuance of these experiences for you, you might actually be a rather empathetic person -- just a cognitively empathetic one. In a volunteering organization I'm part of, the people who engage through emotional empathy (which some consider the "more real" empathy) are in some ways less suited to the job of being empathetic to those in crisis, because they require a lot of post-processing and burnout management after difficult cases; whereas cognitively empathetic people are able to provide the same level of support and care, without also having to be navigating their own emotions at the same time. It takes all kinds!
posted by Pwoink at 11:54 AM on March 7, 2019 [7 favorites]
Depending on the nuance of these experiences for you, you might actually be a rather empathetic person -- just a cognitively empathetic one. In a volunteering organization I'm part of, the people who engage through emotional empathy (which some consider the "more real" empathy) are in some ways less suited to the job of being empathetic to those in crisis, because they require a lot of post-processing and burnout management after difficult cases; whereas cognitively empathetic people are able to provide the same level of support and care, without also having to be navigating their own emotions at the same time. It takes all kinds!
posted by Pwoink at 11:54 AM on March 7, 2019 [7 favorites]
Yup, cognitive vs emotional or compassionate empathy.
I’m like you, I find it extremely easy to take someone’s perspective and appreciate why they might feel the way they do.
My mom, on the other hand, is bigger on the other two. So she’ll maybe cry with someone who’s upset, hug them, visit even acquaintances in hospital. She’ll get really angry on another person’s behalf if there’s some injustice done to them. OTOH she’s *super* judgy [aka has a strong, intuitive moral compass], whereas I’m able to see multiple sides to an issue (almost can’t help it). I almost wonder whether there could be a bit of tension between emotional and cognitive empathy, when judgments interfere with perspective-taking. Conversely, naturally playing devil’s advocate most of the time annoys people who want a vigorous champion on their side, who will take their enemy as an enemy, no matter what. (I can definitely be judgy if I see a clear wrong done, and/or a fighter for someone else, but probably less aggressively if I can see the other side :/ and am less likely than my mom to be bold about stepping in when someone’s in distress, unless they’ve CLEARLY indicated they’d like that.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 12:07 PM on March 7, 2019
I’m like you, I find it extremely easy to take someone’s perspective and appreciate why they might feel the way they do.
My mom, on the other hand, is bigger on the other two. So she’ll maybe cry with someone who’s upset, hug them, visit even acquaintances in hospital. She’ll get really angry on another person’s behalf if there’s some injustice done to them. OTOH she’s *super* judgy [aka has a strong, intuitive moral compass], whereas I’m able to see multiple sides to an issue (almost can’t help it). I almost wonder whether there could be a bit of tension between emotional and cognitive empathy, when judgments interfere with perspective-taking. Conversely, naturally playing devil’s advocate most of the time annoys people who want a vigorous champion on their side, who will take their enemy as an enemy, no matter what. (I can definitely be judgy if I see a clear wrong done, and/or a fighter for someone else, but probably less aggressively if I can see the other side :/ and am less likely than my mom to be bold about stepping in when someone’s in distress, unless they’ve CLEARLY indicated they’d like that.)
posted by cotton dress sock at 12:07 PM on March 7, 2019
Yes it's sympathy. Empathy is absorbing the feeling, sympathy is understanding it but coldly or at a distance. "I know what you're going through but I can't feel your feelings for you".
I wish I had the gift of sympathy. Empathy is draining.
posted by ihaveyourfoot at 12:42 PM on March 7, 2019
I wish I had the gift of sympathy. Empathy is draining.
posted by ihaveyourfoot at 12:42 PM on March 7, 2019
Best answer: My understanding of the word empathy jibes with the Merriam-Webster one.
But since this is apparently opposite of several people here, you may want to stick with 'cognizant' or 'cognitive empathy.'
posted by aspersioncast at 12:45 PM on March 7, 2019
But since this is apparently opposite of several people here, you may want to stick with 'cognizant' or 'cognitive empathy.'
posted by aspersioncast at 12:45 PM on March 7, 2019
So, people disagrees on the distinction between "sympathy" and "empathy" so I try to avoid being too particular about how I use them. (I was taught the empathy was truly understand without being emotionally triggered, sympathy was sharing the emotional experience yourself - similar to Meriam Webster but I got tired of how many people "got it wrong"
I would use "emotional intelligence" for being able to read and understand other's emotions
posted by metahawk at 1:22 PM on March 7, 2019 [1 favorite]
I would use "emotional intelligence" for being able to read and understand other's emotions
posted by metahawk at 1:22 PM on March 7, 2019 [1 favorite]
Emotional Intelligence. Enables you to understand the points of view of people on all sides of an issue, whatever side you are yourself on.
It's kind of a Cassandra-type useless gift as people will assume you are on any side you can understand.
[And a previous poster beat me to "Emotional Intelligence" while I was writing that. ]
posted by w0mbat at 1:29 PM on March 7, 2019
It's kind of a Cassandra-type useless gift as people will assume you are on any side you can understand.
[And a previous poster beat me to "Emotional Intelligence" while I was writing that. ]
posted by w0mbat at 1:29 PM on March 7, 2019
Sympathy is feeling for someone (you feel sadness too; your focus is on your own feelings)
Empathy is feeling with someone (you understand and connect to someone else's feelings; the focus is still on their feelings)
What you mean is empathy, but people reverse them all the time.
In practice, people often experience a mix of the two at the same time.
posted by schadenfrau at 3:14 PM on March 7, 2019
Empathy is feeling with someone (you understand and connect to someone else's feelings; the focus is still on their feelings)
What you mean is empathy, but people reverse them all the time.
In practice, people often experience a mix of the two at the same time.
posted by schadenfrau at 3:14 PM on March 7, 2019
All the words I can think of are inflected versions of "understanding." Maybe "appreciate?"
Or clumsier expressions, like "I get how you're feeling."
posted by snuffleupagus at 4:37 PM on March 7, 2019
Or clumsier expressions, like "I get how you're feeling."
posted by snuffleupagus at 4:37 PM on March 7, 2019
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posted by Rash at 11:15 AM on March 7, 2019 [4 favorites]