Best practices and general advice for hiring a nanny in NYC
March 3, 2019 7:59 PM Subscribe
I have two-week-old twins. My husband is going back to work tomorrow. I have to go back to work 8 weeks from now, which is also when my parents, who have been helping out since birth, are returning home. Thus, we need to hire a nanny. Help.
I feel vastly overwhelmed by the task of hiring a nanny and also employing a nanny. Please tell me what to do.
1. Where do I look for a nanny to hire? In my ideal world, I'd have a personal recommendation from a close friend who employed a nanny to care for infant twins. I have no such friend and thus no such recommendation. Recommendations from strangers (i.e., on Facebook groups for parents) hold a lot less weight for me.
2. When interviewing prospective nannies, what questions should I ask?
3. I'm sitting here trying to come up with more sub-questions and I can't, which makes me realize that I don't even know what I don't know about this. Egad. Please, please, please tell me all the things about hiring a nanny, particularly if there are special NYC quirks and difficulties to this like there are for most things, because I can't even conceive of what I need to know or care about.
Caveats:
-I'm not interested in putting my tiny tiny babies in daycare, and also in my area, and for twins, daycare is more expensive than a nanny.
-I care about finding a wonderful, lovely person who will enrich my babies' lives, but most importantly, for my kids' safety, I care about finding someone with significant experience with infant twins. How hard is that going to be/am I asking for something that is going to be impossible to find?
-We want to pay our nanny NOT-under-the-table. Is that a thing? What do we need to do to make that happen?
I feel vastly overwhelmed by the task of hiring a nanny and also employing a nanny. Please tell me what to do.
1. Where do I look for a nanny to hire? In my ideal world, I'd have a personal recommendation from a close friend who employed a nanny to care for infant twins. I have no such friend and thus no such recommendation. Recommendations from strangers (i.e., on Facebook groups for parents) hold a lot less weight for me.
2. When interviewing prospective nannies, what questions should I ask?
3. I'm sitting here trying to come up with more sub-questions and I can't, which makes me realize that I don't even know what I don't know about this. Egad. Please, please, please tell me all the things about hiring a nanny, particularly if there are special NYC quirks and difficulties to this like there are for most things, because I can't even conceive of what I need to know or care about.
Caveats:
-I'm not interested in putting my tiny tiny babies in daycare, and also in my area, and for twins, daycare is more expensive than a nanny.
-I care about finding a wonderful, lovely person who will enrich my babies' lives, but most importantly, for my kids' safety, I care about finding someone with significant experience with infant twins. How hard is that going to be/am I asking for something that is going to be impossible to find?
-We want to pay our nanny NOT-under-the-table. Is that a thing? What do we need to do to make that happen?
We got our nanny through care.com. The Park Slope Parents website has a lot of great information about hiring and employing a nanny in an on-the-books manner in NYC.
If you make it clear in your ad that you want someone who has experience with twins and that you also want an on-the-books nanny, that's a great initial screen. You'll want a career nanny with great references. We talked with our candidates about their general orientation toward child care, asked them to envision some troubleshooting scenarios, etc and checked references carefully. You'll get a gazillion responses but only a minority will seem like good candidates.
For payment you can either use a service that will do all the withholding and unemployment insurance, disability, workman's comp stuff for you for a fee, or you can do it yourself. DIY is much less expensive, obviously, but a gigantic PITA. (We did it ourselves, or rather my husband did it. If you're detail oriented and good with excel this probably isn't a big deal at all. We are not, really, but we made it work). In our case we wanted to do this anyway but as it ended up our nanny was 6 months pregnant when we moved out of state for a job change and she really needed to file for unemployment. Either she or we (most likely we) would have been absolutely hosed if we hadn't been paying her on the books.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 8:41 PM on March 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
If you make it clear in your ad that you want someone who has experience with twins and that you also want an on-the-books nanny, that's a great initial screen. You'll want a career nanny with great references. We talked with our candidates about their general orientation toward child care, asked them to envision some troubleshooting scenarios, etc and checked references carefully. You'll get a gazillion responses but only a minority will seem like good candidates.
For payment you can either use a service that will do all the withholding and unemployment insurance, disability, workman's comp stuff for you for a fee, or you can do it yourself. DIY is much less expensive, obviously, but a gigantic PITA. (We did it ourselves, or rather my husband did it. If you're detail oriented and good with excel this probably isn't a big deal at all. We are not, really, but we made it work). In our case we wanted to do this anyway but as it ended up our nanny was 6 months pregnant when we moved out of state for a job change and she really needed to file for unemployment. Either she or we (most likely we) would have been absolutely hosed if we hadn't been paying her on the books.
posted by The Elusive Architeuthis at 8:41 PM on March 3, 2019 [3 favorites]
Given your time constraints and lack of familiarity with the scene, using a nanny agency, at least for now, is highly recommended. They do a lot of the hiring work for you. They have standard contracts. They do the screening. They'll have people with twin experience.
But maybe you'll want to branch out on your own eventually. In my experience in multiple large cities, neighborhood social media is really where nanny information is shared ("The kids are going to preschool, so our awesome nanny is available" sort of thing). In my current city there is a company/Facebook group that facilitates nanny placements but isn't an agency. But don't worry about that yet. Get your feet wet with an agency.
PM me and I'll be happy to provide you with my old nanny share contract.
Some stuff I didn't realize until I had a nanny and learned more about how it works:
- This is a full time job for this person and they deserve benefits, sick leave, vacation time, health insurance, overt time pay, etc. So make sure that you're thinking about these things.
- With regard to overtime, think about your work schedule and nanny's schedule. If you work 40 hours, nanny is gonna work 50 or so. Check your local laws, but in DC we had to pay time and half for anything over 40 hours.
- With vacations, etc., this is especially important. If you all go on vacation, nanny still needs to be paid. It isn't her fault that you went on a trip and she still needs to pay her bills.
- The taxes are moderately complicated and easy to screw up. For example, I've owed $17 since 2011 to a municipality and no one can figure out how I can pay it. There are services (breedlove is one) that do the taxes for you. If you're overwhelmed, probably it is a good idea to outsource this.
- Nannying/childcare is incredibly hard work and IMHO having high expectations for the nanny to do a lot of other housework while caring for children is beyond the norm. If you can barely fold laundry when caring for the baby(ies), why should she be able to? Similarly, when the baby(ies) are sleeping, IMHO nanny should be able to rest a bit.
- What you want and need out of a nanny for infants is different from what you need with toddlers.
- Be sure to check into your renters or owners insurance. We did umbrella insurance so that nanny was covered when out and about with the kids.
posted by k8t at 8:43 PM on March 3, 2019 [19 favorites]
But maybe you'll want to branch out on your own eventually. In my experience in multiple large cities, neighborhood social media is really where nanny information is shared ("The kids are going to preschool, so our awesome nanny is available" sort of thing). In my current city there is a company/Facebook group that facilitates nanny placements but isn't an agency. But don't worry about that yet. Get your feet wet with an agency.
PM me and I'll be happy to provide you with my old nanny share contract.
Some stuff I didn't realize until I had a nanny and learned more about how it works:
- This is a full time job for this person and they deserve benefits, sick leave, vacation time, health insurance, overt time pay, etc. So make sure that you're thinking about these things.
- With regard to overtime, think about your work schedule and nanny's schedule. If you work 40 hours, nanny is gonna work 50 or so. Check your local laws, but in DC we had to pay time and half for anything over 40 hours.
- With vacations, etc., this is especially important. If you all go on vacation, nanny still needs to be paid. It isn't her fault that you went on a trip and she still needs to pay her bills.
- The taxes are moderately complicated and easy to screw up. For example, I've owed $17 since 2011 to a municipality and no one can figure out how I can pay it. There are services (breedlove is one) that do the taxes for you. If you're overwhelmed, probably it is a good idea to outsource this.
- Nannying/childcare is incredibly hard work and IMHO having high expectations for the nanny to do a lot of other housework while caring for children is beyond the norm. If you can barely fold laundry when caring for the baby(ies), why should she be able to? Similarly, when the baby(ies) are sleeping, IMHO nanny should be able to rest a bit.
- What you want and need out of a nanny for infants is different from what you need with toddlers.
- Be sure to check into your renters or owners insurance. We did umbrella insurance so that nanny was covered when out and about with the kids.
posted by k8t at 8:43 PM on March 3, 2019 [19 favorites]
Congratulations!
Might be good to join some twin / multiples / and general parent groups on Facebook, based as close to your home as possible. A close friend in my city has baby twins and her twin group has been a lifeline. A nanny recommendation from another twin family isn't as good as one from your close circle, but it should hold some weight as at least you'll know their nanny was able to handle two babies. In my neighbourhood parenting group (not specifically multiples focussed, but there are some twin families), a few twin-experienced nannies have been advertised when their families moved or started daycare, and they're spoken of like they're unicorns.
Things to ask-
Is the nanny ok with any pets you have?
Can the nanny drive, or is she willing to learn? (It would be fair for you to cover her lesson and test costs, if applicable)
What vaccines does she have / is she willing to get? Measles is the big one with babies, as yours won't get vaccinated for it til they're a year old, and in many countries measles vaccines aren't standard, so if she grew up elsewhere, she may not have been vaccinated for it, which could mean she'd be at higher risk of getting it
Does she have / would she take an infant CPR class (you should pay for this, and try to find one taught in her first language, if applicable, to make sure what she's learning really sticks)
Also, would it make sense for your parents to stay a few extra days to help ease the transition? I dunno if this is actually a good idea as I don't know your family dynamic, but you might find the first week of work more challenging when you and your husband suddenly need more sleep since you're working, but nobody told the twins that. Re-starting at work AND starting solo nights with two babies, are both pretty big adjustments to make. Might also help the babies to have someone familiar around as they adjust to the nanny.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 10:10 PM on March 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
Might be good to join some twin / multiples / and general parent groups on Facebook, based as close to your home as possible. A close friend in my city has baby twins and her twin group has been a lifeline. A nanny recommendation from another twin family isn't as good as one from your close circle, but it should hold some weight as at least you'll know their nanny was able to handle two babies. In my neighbourhood parenting group (not specifically multiples focussed, but there are some twin families), a few twin-experienced nannies have been advertised when their families moved or started daycare, and they're spoken of like they're unicorns.
Things to ask-
Is the nanny ok with any pets you have?
Can the nanny drive, or is she willing to learn? (It would be fair for you to cover her lesson and test costs, if applicable)
What vaccines does she have / is she willing to get? Measles is the big one with babies, as yours won't get vaccinated for it til they're a year old, and in many countries measles vaccines aren't standard, so if she grew up elsewhere, she may not have been vaccinated for it, which could mean she'd be at higher risk of getting it
Does she have / would she take an infant CPR class (you should pay for this, and try to find one taught in her first language, if applicable, to make sure what she's learning really sticks)
Also, would it make sense for your parents to stay a few extra days to help ease the transition? I dunno if this is actually a good idea as I don't know your family dynamic, but you might find the first week of work more challenging when you and your husband suddenly need more sleep since you're working, but nobody told the twins that. Re-starting at work AND starting solo nights with two babies, are both pretty big adjustments to make. Might also help the babies to have someone familiar around as they adjust to the nanny.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 10:10 PM on March 3, 2019 [1 favorite]
You can find people in NYC who are ok working on the books but you'll need to gross them up for taxes.
posted by JPD at 3:54 AM on March 4, 2019
posted by JPD at 3:54 AM on March 4, 2019
I haven't hired a nanny, but have close friends who use one and I am considering one if/when we have a second child. A few thoughts:
1. YES to paid sick leave and vacation! Absolutely critical.
2. NYC is a huge nanny town -- if you're overwhelmed you can certainly use a service and that will be the easiest option, but consider reaching out to parent groups and such. I know you said a personal recommendation would be best, but even strangers will be SO HAPPY to rave to you about their phenomenal nanny.
3. If having specific twin experience is a dealbreaker for you then that's fine, but consider nannies that have worked in a nannyshare with two very close-in-age babies. My friends share a nanny with a family whose baby is just one month older -- the nanny did a lot of the things that you'd want for twins, including getting the babies on the same schedule etc.
posted by Bebo at 4:02 AM on March 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
1. YES to paid sick leave and vacation! Absolutely critical.
2. NYC is a huge nanny town -- if you're overwhelmed you can certainly use a service and that will be the easiest option, but consider reaching out to parent groups and such. I know you said a personal recommendation would be best, but even strangers will be SO HAPPY to rave to you about their phenomenal nanny.
3. If having specific twin experience is a dealbreaker for you then that's fine, but consider nannies that have worked in a nannyshare with two very close-in-age babies. My friends share a nanny with a family whose baby is just one month older -- the nanny did a lot of the things that you'd want for twins, including getting the babies on the same schedule etc.
posted by Bebo at 4:02 AM on March 4, 2019 [4 favorites]
When you do find a nanny have her start a couple of weeks before you go back to work so that she can get to know your babies, you, your husband, your neighbors and neighborhood.
Some neighbors/friends of mine did the above after they had twins and then the nanny quit the day before the mom was supposed to go back to work. They asked me if I could do it until they found a new one and I did for about three weeks. At the time I was unemployed and had three kids in their twenties, so lots of experience as a mom. I was a bit daunted at first by the idea of taking care of twins but it was fine, they were both easy babies who slept a lot- I hope for your sake you have easy babies too. The family lived in a house with a back yard so taking them outside every day was as easy as opening the back door. So, if you have any full-time parent friends in the neighborhood consider asking them if they could be called on to take care of the babies should the nanny get sick, or whatever.
posted by mareli at 5:46 AM on March 4, 2019
Some neighbors/friends of mine did the above after they had twins and then the nanny quit the day before the mom was supposed to go back to work. They asked me if I could do it until they found a new one and I did for about three weeks. At the time I was unemployed and had three kids in their twenties, so lots of experience as a mom. I was a bit daunted at first by the idea of taking care of twins but it was fine, they were both easy babies who slept a lot- I hope for your sake you have easy babies too. The family lived in a house with a back yard so taking them outside every day was as easy as opening the back door. So, if you have any full-time parent friends in the neighborhood consider asking them if they could be called on to take care of the babies should the nanny get sick, or whatever.
posted by mareli at 5:46 AM on March 4, 2019
Getting a nanny via a service is ridiculously expensive and really probably not necessary in NYC. We used care.com and got someone fabulous, paid on the books. Check references if you're getting someone not from a friend's referral. That's your real key. If the families she worked for in the past don't rave about her you might keep looking. Get them to start soon, given you've got twins I bet even with your parents around a nanny would be helpful right about now.
I think we used recommended interview questions from Park slope parents guide. If you'd like me to ask my nanny if she knows good people looking for new gigs memail me I'm happy to do it.
posted by ch1x0r at 6:30 AM on March 4, 2019
I think we used recommended interview questions from Park slope parents guide. If you'd like me to ask my nanny if she knows good people looking for new gigs memail me I'm happy to do it.
posted by ch1x0r at 6:30 AM on March 4, 2019
Followed the Park Slope Parents guide and reviewed their nanny surveys and found a great nanny through a neighborhood Facebook group (join surrounding neighborhoods’ groups as well).
posted by valeries at 6:51 AM on March 4, 2019
posted by valeries at 6:51 AM on March 4, 2019
I've been through this so many times now (though not with twins) - and the good news is there are a lot of great nannies out there, it's really more a matter of finding someone who's right for you and your family, and that that search is always (always!) hard because the stakes feel so high. Care.com and Sittercity are both good ways to meet, and you can search based on experience with twins -- I found I had a better response when I placed an ad myself rather than looked through profiles. Another excellent resource is through Meetup.com -- there are active groups for most NYC neighborhoods and most have message boards where people recommend their own nannies when they move out of the city or their kids age up into full-time at school. Plus it's a good way to build a support network of other moms for playdates and other resources.
Questions to ask really are up to what you're looking for, but always check references.
posted by Mchelly at 7:10 AM on March 4, 2019 [1 favorite]
Questions to ask really are up to what you're looking for, but always check references.
posted by Mchelly at 7:10 AM on March 4, 2019 [1 favorite]
This is almost twenty years ago, but we got our on-the-books nanny through the Robin Kellner Agency, and she was terrific -- we still visit her for holidays a couple of times a year (the finder's fee was exorbitant but was worth it). You get what you pay for -- if you're paying on the books, you're getting someone who's not living on the edge of desperation, and they're more likely to show up and be reliable. Check references, of course, and hold out for someone whose prior employers are completely enthusiastic.
The thing I would look for is professionalism and energy level. Nancy was very businesslike with us (I mean, we got to be good friends over time, but it was like making work-friends with a coworker) which made managing interactions easier. And she was super, super energetic and didn't like being bored, which meant that the kids (I had two, two years apart, Nancy was with us from when the oldest was ten months till when the youngest was in grade school) were out of the house running from one playgroup/children's museum/playground in a different neighborhood/whatever constantly. They had a terrific time with her.
The other thing I would think consciously about is where you're willing to be flexible and give things up. Expecting a certain amount of light housekeeping (laundry, tidying, cooking meals) from a nanny is pretty common. This was not Nancy's strong point, and we had a period of being a little discontented about that, and then consciously realizing that what we were hiring her for was safe, reliable, loving, stimulating child care, and if she wasn't also tidying the house that was fine. That may be a bigger issue for you than it was for us, but under the assumption that nobody's perfect, think about what kind of imperfections you're willing to tolerate.
posted by LizardBreath at 7:18 AM on March 4, 2019 [1 favorite]
The thing I would look for is professionalism and energy level. Nancy was very businesslike with us (I mean, we got to be good friends over time, but it was like making work-friends with a coworker) which made managing interactions easier. And she was super, super energetic and didn't like being bored, which meant that the kids (I had two, two years apart, Nancy was with us from when the oldest was ten months till when the youngest was in grade school) were out of the house running from one playgroup/children's museum/playground in a different neighborhood/whatever constantly. They had a terrific time with her.
The other thing I would think consciously about is where you're willing to be flexible and give things up. Expecting a certain amount of light housekeeping (laundry, tidying, cooking meals) from a nanny is pretty common. This was not Nancy's strong point, and we had a period of being a little discontented about that, and then consciously realizing that what we were hiring her for was safe, reliable, loving, stimulating child care, and if she wasn't also tidying the house that was fine. That may be a bigger issue for you than it was for us, but under the assumption that nobody's perfect, think about what kind of imperfections you're willing to tolerate.
posted by LizardBreath at 7:18 AM on March 4, 2019 [1 favorite]
One thing I will share is that we came to the conclusion that pretty much any decision can be tweaked or changed. Do your best and go with your gut, but if you find you aren't happy with the first person (or two) that you hire you can make a change. Your babies won't be irreparably harmed by a change in caregivers (I say this because so much parenting advice includes "consistent, stable caregiving relationships are the foundation of..."; really, it's okay to make a change if you don't hit a homer on the first try. Mom and Dad will provide the most significant consistent and stable relationships that kiddos need.
Nthing the advice to leave room in your schedule for a few trial days before you go back to work. Caregiving professionals expect this and they won't balk if you ask for a trial run. Maybe do like a couple of three hour or half day sessions just to see how the nanny relates to your kiddos and then evaluate from there.
posted by vignettist at 10:28 AM on March 4, 2019
Nthing the advice to leave room in your schedule for a few trial days before you go back to work. Caregiving professionals expect this and they won't balk if you ask for a trial run. Maybe do like a couple of three hour or half day sessions just to see how the nanny relates to your kiddos and then evaluate from there.
posted by vignettist at 10:28 AM on March 4, 2019
Hi! Canadian here, so not New York, but I hired nannies for my twins. Others have covered finding people, so I’ll cover interviews.
Have at least one baby with you for part of the interview. If she didn’t smile at the baby, or interact with him, I didn’t hire. My best nanny (who went on to care for 2 other sets of twins) picked up my baby and played with him, almost without thinking.
If you like a candidate, consider a paid second interview or trial run where they care for the kids. When the kids were older we did an hour at the park, with little ones consider a bottle feed. Definitely pay for this!
Facebook groups have their shtick, but the local twins mail list, which moved to Facebook was really invaluable. And I used it to help my previous Nanny find a new job. As well, if the relationship is good, you are choosing someone to live your kids, so this person may be in your life long term. We still see our previous nanny all the time!
posted by Valancy Rachel at 7:46 PM on March 4, 2019
Have at least one baby with you for part of the interview. If she didn’t smile at the baby, or interact with him, I didn’t hire. My best nanny (who went on to care for 2 other sets of twins) picked up my baby and played with him, almost without thinking.
If you like a candidate, consider a paid second interview or trial run where they care for the kids. When the kids were older we did an hour at the park, with little ones consider a bottle feed. Definitely pay for this!
Facebook groups have their shtick, but the local twins mail list, which moved to Facebook was really invaluable. And I used it to help my previous Nanny find a new job. As well, if the relationship is good, you are choosing someone to live your kids, so this person may be in your life long term. We still see our previous nanny all the time!
posted by Valancy Rachel at 7:46 PM on March 4, 2019
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They screen candidates for you after hearing what you need, hold your hand when it comes to interviewing the shortlist, handle payment (keeping it necessarily 100% above board), and charge a hefty, hefty fee.
I will guess that there are similar agencies and more in NYC.
posted by batter_my_heart at 8:10 PM on March 3, 2019 [1 favorite]