Is this legit advice for dealing with a home invasion?

February 21, 2019 3:55 PM

"If somebody has entered your home, the first thing you want to do is say your full name very loud. Then your best bet is to go ahead and soil yourself."

This advice comes from a character in a TV show called Grace and Frankie, season 3 episode 4. The transcript is here. The character is a police officer conducting a personal safety course aimed at seniors. He explains that soiling yourself will make it less likely that an intruder will want to touch you. That kinda makes sense (maybe), but I don't get the part about saying your full name very loud. It's not explained at all in the show, and Google isn't helping me here.

posted by akk2014 to Grab Bag (17 answers total)

I don't have a direct answer, but the google search 'home invasion advice site:gov' yields the advice from multiple police departments and agencies on the subject.
posted by zippy at 4:02 PM on February 21, 2019

I recall being told to poop if one is under threat of rape. How one could poop on command like that is questionable to me.
But maybe this is related to that plot line?
posted by k8t at 4:11 PM on February 21, 2019 [2 favorites]

I'd guess it's about humanizing yourself - along the lines of the idea that it's harder to hurt/kill someone when you see them as an individual.
posted by northernish at 4:18 PM on February 21, 2019

Assuming you don't have any reason to expect an armed raid, shouting your name might be a good way to keep you from getting shot by law enforcement officers who have gotten the address wrong.
posted by contraption at 4:27 PM on February 21, 2019 [11 favorites]

Could the implication be that if the intruder knows the name of the occupant of the house, saying it as though you're talking to someone else may cause them to assume you're an additional occupant they were unaware of, and hence they're dealing with more people than they expected to? Or maybe a combination of that and pretending to be senile, trying to get yourself some leeway for not complying with attempts at intimidation?
posted by XMLicious at 5:04 PM on February 21, 2019 [1 favorite]

One guess is that your name is something most people can remember in a crisis, thus it's easy to actually vocalize
posted by Jacen at 5:48 PM on February 21, 2019 [1 favorite]

I don't have a direct answer, but the google search 'home invasion advice site:gov' yields the advice from multiple police departments and agencies on the subject.

Just to clarify I performed this google search and skimmed several police sites with advice, but I didn't notice anything resembling these two particular tips. Most of the advice was focused on preventing anyone from entering your home or giving the impression you're not alone or you have a dog.

It's possible that this advice is based on actual home invasion advice, but it seems as likely that a web-based comedy program is not a reliable source of home invasion advice.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 6:03 PM on February 21, 2019 [6 favorites]

I guess on the list of "best responses to a home invasion," that wouldn't be near the top of my list. I think if you're looking for advice, some Dick Tracy Crimestoppers would be more helpful. Couldn't really be less helpful, anyway.
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 6:06 PM on February 21, 2019 [1 favorite]

I've heard when you die, you soil yourself. So I doubt any hard core home invader would give two shits about you soiling yourself. They are after your money or items, not you and they probably don't want witnesses.
posted by TheAdamist at 6:36 PM on February 21, 2019

I don’t know about saying your full name out loud, but I can tell you that directly addressing them as loud and as confrontational as you can actually works. In my case, I was a tiny sleeping woman, with valuables they had walked straight past, so they were after me. I made it clear that I could see them and I wasn’t going down without a fight, and then when they froze, I ran. I’m pretty sure they were going for the element of surprise but they got the surprise instead.
posted by Jubey at 7:06 PM on February 21, 2019 [26 favorites]

I would say with pretty good certainty that it's just a joke and not an actual safety tip. There is a school of thought that saying something that an attacker doesn't expect to hear (which could include your full name) will surprise an attacker and they'll pause for a second to process it.
posted by Candleman at 7:23 PM on February 21, 2019 [2 favorites]

Yeah this was meant to be humorous, not taken as actual advice for the viewer on what to do in a home invasion.
posted by Polychrome at 1:18 AM on February 22, 2019 [1 favorite]

To the people saying this was probably just a joke, according to zippy's search this advice is used by real police. So presumably there's something to it. Maybe shouting your name is supposed to be disorienting without being super aggressive. It alerts them that you know they're there, without you saying you're going to shoot them or something. It also sounds a little crazy, so maybe that helps.

As for soiling yourself, I don't think it's that the intruder will think you're dead, or that it will humanize you in their eyes (although it might.) I think it's supposed to make you seem disgusting so you're less likely to be raped. It also might make you seem pathetic and helpless enough that burglars will feel guilty about stealing your stuff.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 4:18 AM on February 22, 2019 [1 favorite]

I think a common reason for "home invasion" is getting the wrong address, typically somone drunk or high who has become disoriented and thinks they are breaking into their own house because the key strangely doesn't work.
posted by Lanark at 6:19 AM on February 22, 2019 [2 favorites]

Pouring a milkshake over your head “because even bikers don’t want to be sticky” is a tip shared by Penn Jillette in a book. Same concept, could not say if it works.

“Making a scene” is often a great strategy to deal with harassment in a public place with a lot of people, and in mass shooter events the advice I’ve had through work trainings is “run, hide, fight.” That is to say, get away, or if you can’t, hide, and if you get found, fight like a tiger.
posted by blnkfrnk at 7:01 AM on February 22, 2019 [1 favorite]

according to zippy's search this advice is used by real police

I can't duplicate that result. In fact, some of what I was given specified to play asleep if possible.
posted by Candleman at 11:44 AM on February 22, 2019

Assuming you don't have any reason to expect an armed raid, shouting your name might be a good way to keep you from getting shot by law enforcement officers who have gotten the address wrong.

This is why this advice is coming from Law Enforcement.

I've heard when you die, you soil yourself.

No, not always, or even frequently. Actually a human can lose control of bladder and/or sphincter muscles when frightened, badly.
posted by Rash at 12:19 PM on February 23, 2019