beginner sex toy?
February 20, 2006 3:36 PM Subscribe
My girlfriend and I would like to spice things up, and she wants me to get her a toy...problem is, I have no idea what to buy...
I'm a guy, if that helps. We'd like a small, discreet vibrator for us to play with. I've looked at goodvibes and a few other places - but I don't know what's "gentle" vs. something "strong." She tends to be pretty sensitive. Ideally, it would be something we could use during intercourse, either one of us.
For what it's worth - she is unable to reach orgasm through traditional intercourse, requiring some manual stimulation from me (which I'm fine with) to reach it. We're thinking a small vibrator will help things along, too. What do y'all recommend as a beginner's sex toy for a couple?
If you wish to respond privately, you can reply to anonrespond@gmail.com - thanks.
I'm a guy, if that helps. We'd like a small, discreet vibrator for us to play with. I've looked at goodvibes and a few other places - but I don't know what's "gentle" vs. something "strong." She tends to be pretty sensitive. Ideally, it would be something we could use during intercourse, either one of us.
For what it's worth - she is unable to reach orgasm through traditional intercourse, requiring some manual stimulation from me (which I'm fine with) to reach it. We're thinking a small vibrator will help things along, too. What do y'all recommend as a beginner's sex toy for a couple?
If you wish to respond privately, you can reply to anonrespond@gmail.com - thanks.
To be honest, why don't you ask goodvibes? Not only are they knowledgeable but also have heard this question a zillion times, and can recommend specific products. From their Contact page:
"Have a question that isn't answered on our site? All our sales representatives are also sex educators! Call us toll-free at 1-800-289-8423 (1-800-BUY-VIBE) or at (415) 974-8990. We're open Monday through Friday, 7 am to 7 pm, Pacific Time. You may also e-mail your question to us at customerservice@goodvibes.com; we'll reply as quickly as possible (no attachments, please!)."
posted by vacapinta at 3:55 PM on February 20, 2006
"Have a question that isn't answered on our site? All our sales representatives are also sex educators! Call us toll-free at 1-800-289-8423 (1-800-BUY-VIBE) or at (415) 974-8990. We're open Monday through Friday, 7 am to 7 pm, Pacific Time. You may also e-mail your question to us at customerservice@goodvibes.com; we'll reply as quickly as possible (no attachments, please!)."
posted by vacapinta at 3:55 PM on February 20, 2006
What about a little Silver Bullet vibrator? They're cheap (if I remember correctly), have variable speeds, are pretty small and discreet, etc. I'd start with something inexpensive to be sure you like it before forking over a bunch of cash.
posted by booknerd at 4:03 PM on February 20, 2006
posted by booknerd at 4:03 PM on February 20, 2006
I really, really recommend both calling goodvibes and starting with a silver bullet/keychain type of thing.
posted by kcm at 4:05 PM on February 20, 2006
posted by kcm at 4:05 PM on February 20, 2006
There's no rule that expensive vibrators are significantly better than cheap ones (the expensive ones are more geared towards "self-love"), so I'd recommend getting a bunch of cheapies (10-15 bucks) and have fun trying them out and finding what works best for both of you - I've tended to find that different women have different affinities for different toys, so good advice can only go so far. Oh, and you shouldn't have any trouble with a battery vibe being too strong - those problems come with the mains operated ones....
posted by forallmankind at 4:25 PM on February 20, 2006
posted by forallmankind at 4:25 PM on February 20, 2006
As vacapinta said: why don't you ask goodvibes (or Babes in Toyland (nayy)). One of the things a good toyshop will do is make sure that you're getting the right toy for you and your partner.
If your questions aren't answered in their online FAQs, they'll be willing to answer either via email or phone. I'm sure they get this kind of question all the time.
FWIW, I suggest a variable speed vibe....
(There are a lot of women who don't orgasm through vaginal stimulation only, and who need direct stimulation of the clitoris. So what? Get good with your fingers and your tongue, and it won't really matter.)
posted by jlkr at 4:40 PM on February 20, 2006
If your questions aren't answered in their online FAQs, they'll be willing to answer either via email or phone. I'm sure they get this kind of question all the time.
FWIW, I suggest a variable speed vibe....
(There are a lot of women who don't orgasm through vaginal stimulation only, and who need direct stimulation of the clitoris. So what? Get good with your fingers and your tongue, and it won't really matter.)
posted by jlkr at 4:40 PM on February 20, 2006
One thing I suggest, out of personal experience, is that if you do go for a few cheap ones ($10-15), don't keep them around for longer than a few months. I'd suggest using them to see what works best and have a better idea for the future.
The only reason I suggest that is because I bought one of those silver bullet (old school, with a wire) and found that the wiring had split. To be struck by an electric shock in the vagina is the most painful thing I think I've ever experienced. YMMV.
posted by itchie at 5:07 PM on February 20, 2006
The only reason I suggest that is because I bought one of those silver bullet (old school, with a wire) and found that the wiring had split. To be struck by an electric shock in the vagina is the most painful thing I think I've ever experienced. YMMV.
posted by itchie at 5:07 PM on February 20, 2006
Some of the nicer shops I've been to (i.e. Babeland) have samples of the toys out of the box, so you can actually hold one up and feel how strong it is.
If you're ordering online, just choose one that has variable speeds, and stick to a low price range. Ask the store for advice (I recommend Babeland, having had good experiences with the brick-and-mortar shop).
posted by anjamu at 5:28 PM on February 20, 2006
If you're ordering online, just choose one that has variable speeds, and stick to a low price range. Ask the store for advice (I recommend Babeland, having had good experiences with the brick-and-mortar shop).
posted by anjamu at 5:28 PM on February 20, 2006
she is unable to reach orgasm through traditional intercourse, requiring some manual stimulation from me
I shall presume to provide advice on your sex life:
A) Give her lots of quality head, even to the point that she Os. Because she can, you know, do it more than once.
B) Woman-on-top, upright position. Because then she can...
C) Use her own fingers while you concentrate on the dick-work.
I guarantee that it'll markedly improve the quality of her sex experience, without detracting from yours.1
1 Upon failure of advice to provide satisfaction, advisor will demonstrate upon paid flight to advisee's home town. Guarantee void on weekdays containing the letter "a".
posted by five fresh fish at 5:40 PM on February 20, 2006
I shall presume to provide advice on your sex life:
A) Give her lots of quality head, even to the point that she Os. Because she can, you know, do it more than once.
B) Woman-on-top, upright position. Because then she can...
C) Use her own fingers while you concentrate on the dick-work.
I guarantee that it'll markedly improve the quality of her sex experience, without detracting from yours.1
1 Upon failure of advice to provide satisfaction, advisor will demonstrate upon paid flight to advisee's home town. Guarantee void on weekdays containing the letter "a".
posted by five fresh fish at 5:40 PM on February 20, 2006
Most vibes are variable speed, probably eliminating the "sensitivity" issue. Personal outlook? A softer material, variable speed, smaller but at least finger length, with a little contouring - the bumps give something to work.
If available, consider going with your GF to a sex-positive shop. Big porn stores often have large selections but the atmosphere can be kinda creepy. In moderate to large cities there are often smaller, woman and couple-centered type shops more focused on couples and sex than porn. This can be a really positive experience.
posted by nanojath at 6:23 PM on February 20, 2006
If available, consider going with your GF to a sex-positive shop. Big porn stores often have large selections but the atmosphere can be kinda creepy. In moderate to large cities there are often smaller, woman and couple-centered type shops more focused on couples and sex than porn. This can be a really positive experience.
posted by nanojath at 6:23 PM on February 20, 2006
Look in person. Silicon is easier to clean than latex. That's my advice.
posted by klangklangston at 6:56 PM on February 20, 2006
posted by klangklangston at 6:56 PM on February 20, 2006
You can also ask these guys. Toys in babeland is a fantastic store, with locations in NYC, Seattle, and LA. I don't work there, but I've been a couple of times and they put on a really informative sex toy party at my school recently. Also, they have workshops at their place. Among all the sex toy shops in NYC, they're highly respected.
posted by lorrer at 8:14 PM on February 20, 2006
posted by lorrer at 8:14 PM on February 20, 2006
Fun Factory's LAYAspot is terrific. It has multiple speeds, and it's very gentle, small, discreet. It's also all external, so you can hold it against her during sex (or she can control it) to stimulate the happy spots. I've never been a fan of the internal vibrators, even the magic bullets, because you're designed to do a better job than they are, and they feel alien to me when there's a partner around. Something extra on the outside does make a difference, though, and you'll probably enjoy feeling it during sex as well. It's available online at The Smitten Kitten, and I believe Amazon carries it as well.
posted by hamster at 9:32 PM on February 20, 2006
posted by hamster at 9:32 PM on February 20, 2006
Since this question seems to be quite well answered already, I shall also presume to give you advice on your sex life. Google for "coital alignment technique". Not that orgasm through penetration is everything, but it's a great sex position whether that happens or not. Yes, I have mentioned it here before.
posted by teleskiving at 4:30 AM on February 21, 2006
posted by teleskiving at 4:30 AM on February 21, 2006
Definitely go someplace where you can put your hands on the goods, if you will.
Babeland is fabulous because they take everything out of the porno-packaging and you can turn them on and try them out.
There are also "home party"-type sales experiences to be had. That's where I learned that the best way to test the strenghth of a vibe is the tip of your nose - "they" say it shares the same sensitivity to vibrations as a clitoris. With obviously different results. =pout=
posted by ersatzkat at 5:32 AM on February 21, 2006
Babeland is fabulous because they take everything out of the porno-packaging and you can turn them on and try them out.
There are also "home party"-type sales experiences to be had. That's where I learned that the best way to test the strenghth of a vibe is the tip of your nose - "they" say it shares the same sensitivity to vibrations as a clitoris. With obviously different results. =pout=
posted by ersatzkat at 5:32 AM on February 21, 2006
I second booknerd.
The silver bullet is the shit.
My wife and I swear by it. Its small and portable and easily hidden. If you can't find the exact model, look for a small egg shaped end attached by a wire to a controller with a speed dial.
posted by JonnyRotten at 6:47 AM on February 21, 2006
The silver bullet is the shit.
My wife and I swear by it. Its small and portable and easily hidden. If you can't find the exact model, look for a small egg shaped end attached by a wire to a controller with a speed dial.
posted by JonnyRotten at 6:47 AM on February 21, 2006
I worked in a porn shop and people like the poster came in all the time and were a joy to help. I'd recommed going into a shop together, that way you can look at what you'd be buying and talk about it. Don't be afraid to ask questions -- that's what the clerks are there for.
If you don't live near a shop, there are a plethora of web sites mentioned above as well as catalogs. Check stuff out together.
Feel free to email me if you've got specific questions. Good luck and have fun!
posted by Atom12 at 7:10 AM on February 21, 2006
If you don't live near a shop, there are a plethora of web sites mentioned above as well as catalogs. Check stuff out together.
Feel free to email me if you've got specific questions. Good luck and have fun!
posted by Atom12 at 7:10 AM on February 21, 2006
Sue Johansen always recommends the FUKUOKU. It's a Japanese thing, with variable tips, fits over your finger. And yes, it's great fun (at least with boys, never used it with girls).
Also, seriously, give her as much head as your tongue can handle.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 10:12 AM on February 21, 2006
Also, seriously, give her as much head as your tongue can handle.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 10:12 AM on February 21, 2006
I've had the best experiences with a straight, inexpensive traditional vibrator like this for solo play, but for couple play, I prefer a butterfly--this particular, inexpensive one, as a matter of fact. If you strap it farther up, so it's the tail rather than the face against the clitoris, it's comfortable and effective without being in the way.
Both are, as others have suggested, variable-speed--don't go with anything that isn't.
posted by Cricket at 10:25 AM on February 21, 2006
Both are, as others have suggested, variable-speed--don't go with anything that isn't.
posted by Cricket at 10:25 AM on February 21, 2006
Err, so they do. I apologize for not including a nudity/NSFW label.
posted by Cricket at 12:28 PM on February 22, 2006
posted by Cricket at 12:28 PM on February 22, 2006
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by seanyboy at 3:53 PM on February 20, 2006