Seeking anecdotal evidence on PFLAG's effects on parenting

December 14, 2018 8:45 PM

If you came out as any flavor of LGBTQ while you were living with your parents, and they went or were sent to PFLAG for advice, do you feel like it helped you in any way? Did it improve how they treated you or how well they were able to support you? Did it have any effect on you at all?

(I ask because I'm in an online community where parents of young trans kids often post seeking help. Our standard advice is "Go to PFLAG, they will answer your questions and help you be a better parent to your kid." But... I don't think I've ever heard from a kid whose parent followed that advice, and I'm curious how useful it actually is.)

posted by nebulawindphone to Grab Bag (6 answers total)

I'm not sure you can generalize--quality of PFLAG especially on trans issues is going to vary with location.

I came out in college, so a little older than you're looking for. The well known PFLAG trans booklet was a bust for me because it's so light on actual information. I just got a lecture on how it didn't say anything. (That was a fairly predictable outcome, but it's not like there were many other leaflets available.) Pretty sure neither of my parents ever went to an actual PFLAG meeting (though there was a trans-focused one in the greater metro area). I think in some places PFLAG arranges coffee dates for parents and my mom did get mileage out of driving around meeting other parents (I'm not quite sure how she was getting connected with these people--it was nothing formal) which I think indirectly benefited me.
posted by hoyland at 9:02 PM on December 14, 2018

(Yeah, I kind of assume these will be all over the place. I'd still rather hear a bunch of stories than have zero idea.)
posted by nebulawindphone at 9:13 PM on December 14, 2018

My aunt attended exactly one PFLAG meeting. She later told me that it was a disappointing waste of time because the other parents there didn't understand her "concerns" with her teenaged daughter's sexuality. I count this as a mark in favour of PFLAG; if the parents who are regular members are too accepting and supportive of their children for my aunt, then PFLAG must be doing something right.
posted by bibliotropic at 11:30 PM on December 14, 2018

I’m a cis het woman but worked with teens and pflag in a professional setting in Charlotte, NC. They are a fantastic group, well supported and really do a lot. The Charlotte, NC group is so active working with parents of trans kids that that has has become more of a focus of the group than LBG issues.
posted by raccoon409 at 5:21 AM on December 15, 2018

I go to PFLAG meetings pretty regularly. They've helped me (as a parent) greatly with some of the adjustments of parenting a trans kid. Also, my kid has made some amazing friends through the teen group that runs concurrently.
posted by heathrowga at 8:32 AM on December 15, 2018

My trans daughter and I went to PFLAG meetings for a long time. She still goes. I can't vouch for every group in every location, but our group was wonderful. It helped me a lot to meet other parents who were further along on this journey. We received lots of practical advice and emotional support. I would recommend them.
posted by islandeady at 6:50 AM on December 16, 2018