What is it like to breastfeed beyond one year?
November 27, 2018 8:15 AM   Subscribe

What is it like to breastfeed beyond one year? Are people going to look at me weird? How to minimize potential awkwardness?

My baby is now 7 months old. Most people around me (US) seem to think that I should wean her at around this age and start pushing for solids, but I would really prefer letting her wean herself in her own timeline. She already "plays" with solids, but milk is still practically the sole source of nutrition.

I have read some peer-reviewed research and I am confident that although I am biased (I love nursing her), there is a strong case in favor of long-term breastfeeding based on emotional, psychological, and physical benefits for mothers and babies. My husband is definitely on board.

The one thing that is holding me back is dealing with people outside of my immediate family. What can I expect from friends and relatives? How can I respond to people's reactions to seeing an older baby nurse? Should I warn my supervisor that I will continue to pump for the foreseeable future? (she has been very kind and understanding, I am just not sure if she expected me to pump for so long). I think I am a little apprehensive because I tend to be a very average, melts-in-the-background person and deviating from the norm makes me uncomfortable.

I would also love any website or book recommendations about this. Most of the stuff I have found was developed in Australia, New Zealand, and Canada, so international sources are very welcome as long as they are reliable.
posted by Tarumba to Human Relations (41 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
 
Best answer: I breastfeed until age 3. After a year, I stopped nursing on demand and we nursed at waking, at naptime (both going down and waking up) and at bedtime. I found that stopping the on-demand part of the nursing cut down a lot of the more difficult parts about BF -- there was no feeding in public, I didn't have to pump, my LO wasn't grabbing my clothes off of me at all times.

My family knew, but as I never really BFed in front of people anyway, it never felt awkward. It was very nice to still have those moments with her, but they became more ritualized with sleep. Also, as they eat more solids, then not BFing on demand sort of forces them to eat solid foods and not rely on milk for nutrition. They still get the benefits, though.

I will say that nursing to sleep is a minefield itself, but that's not the question.

Do what's best for you and baby. People will judge no matter what.
posted by mrfuga0 at 8:22 AM on November 27, 2018 [17 favorites]


Best answer: I breastfeed my child into toddlerhood. As the previous poster mentioned, there was far less public breastfeeding anyway, as it was just a sleep thing. I didn't pump during the day.
Looking back, I wish that my child had a better way to go to sleep. And I think that it was not good for my brain and independence to breastfeed for so long, it ymmv.
posted by k8t at 8:33 AM on November 27, 2018 [7 favorites]


Best answer: I more or less let my daughter self-wean, and she stopped recently at 4.5. As someone who had an ample milk supply, who nursed completely on demand and in public until 3, I honestly can't imagine weaning at a year. 1 year olds are such tiny babies! My daughter was hardly eating food at that point, even though that's when we made the switch to offering food first, and she was incredibly picky from about 18 months until 3, and I honestly think breastmilk was what kept her from losing weight through that time.

Yes, people are weird about it. i started getting pressure to wean her from family at 7 months. It helps if you and your husband can present a united front and emphasize to others that it's your choice. I started getting stares when I nursed in public around 2, but continued for another year or so, until I got tired of wearing nursing bras.

Nursing an older child was very, very sweet and loving. I did develop nursing aversion during PMS when my period came back at 3 months, and starting at age 4, when my kid stopped co-sleeping, it increased until I had to cut down. And then my milk started to slow and my daughter started asking less, too. But I wouldn't really do it any other way. Even our "last day nursing"--a day mutually decided upon, as she suddenly started asking after 6 weeks of not nursing at all--was really nice, and it was extra nice to be able to talk to a verbal child about why we were stopping. Mine were the only tears.

There's a facebook community called "extended breastfeeding support" which was very helpful to me when I was in it.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:34 AM on November 27, 2018 [6 favorites]


Best answer: Oh, and something that helped me was that someone on that community posted a rough timeline at what nursing on demand looks like at various ages. For me it was this:

0-12 months: 24+ times a day
1-2 years: 12 times a day
2-2.5 years: 6 times a day
2.5-3 years: 3 times a day
3-4: 1-2 times a day
4-4.5: twice a week, slowly tapering down to once a week or less

This was with minimal nudging. I did focus on "nursing manners" with my kid, where she had to ask nicely once she was verbal and it had to be in a place where I was comfortable nursing.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:37 AM on November 27, 2018 [5 favorites]


Best answer: My kid (now 5) weaned herself at 23 months. We introduced solids around six months but did baby-led solids (so chunks of soft foods and what we were eating instead of purees). As above, after a year or so it was mostly around sleep time - going to bed and napping and getting up in the morning. I pumped until she was around 18 months and then we transitioned her to whole milk at daycare and at home with meals. She had chronic ear infections and she nursed more when she felt crummy but it was nice to be able to have a way to comfort her easily during that.

I just remembered that shortly after she turned two she got another ear infection and asked to nurse, and I let her but my supply had dried up and she reported angrily "this one's broken!"
posted by SeedStitch at 8:37 AM on November 27, 2018 [6 favorites]


Best answer: One thing I would say is that your baby is still really little and breastfeeding will look very different as she gets bigger, so some of your worries won't be issues later on. As I'm sure you have read, breast milk is supposed to be the primary source of nutrition through one year old (or formula if that isn't possible), with solid foods supplementing. After one, baby will be eating more solid foods and won't need as much breast milk, so you won't need to feed all the time the way you do now with your little baby.

Like mrfuga0 above, after my daughter turned one I stopped nursing on demand and stopped pumping (which was great!!) since I wasn't anxious about needing to keep up my supply and leaving bottles with her to make sure she had enough to eat--she is a pretty good eater of solid foods. I was pretty comfortable nursing in public when she was little, but it wasn't necessary as she got bigger. We also had a nursing routine of feeding her right when she woke up, right when I got home from work and right before bed, then we gradually stopped the home from work nurse and then the wake up nurse. Now she is 2 and some change and we still nurse as part of her bedtime routine. I'm sure she only gets a small amount of milk, but it's a comforting part of her routine, is good for bonding and I'm sure still offers immune benefits, too.

I'm sorry you don't have full support from your community, but it's great that your husband is on board. Breastfeeding advice and knowledge of its benefits has changed over time, and I recognize that older generations especially might think it's strange to nurse beyond one (some people are really behind the times and don't even support nursing until one, too). I freely cite AAP and WHO's official recommendations to nurse at least until one and until 2 and beyond respectively, since people might not know the latest data--but with people that you don't think will support you, there really is no reason to talk to them about it and it doesn't need to come up if you don't want it to.

Good luck on your breastfeeding journey!
posted by ialwayscryatendings at 8:45 AM on November 27, 2018 [3 favorites]


My pseudo-niece is still breast feeding at a year and a half and no one's made an issue out of it in my moderately liberal city in the US. Her parents started her on some solids arround you daughter's age but are letting her ween when she wants to. My circle of friends is educated with a streak of granola hippy and the general expectation is that breast feeding until twoish is normal and preferred unless there's a reason not to.
posted by Candleman at 8:57 AM on November 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


Best answer: I breastfed my son until he was about 18-20 months old. He was eating solids from 6 months onward, baby oatmeal and mashed banana, steamed sweet potato, applesauce, etc. I used to steam his food, whirl it in the food processor, and then put it into ice cube trays, pop the frozen food cubes into freezer bags. So 1 cube at meals, with a bit of cereal, more if he wanted, plus nursing.

He eventually got down to nap time and bed time, then one day, he just didn't want to anymore. He was starting to trot around, and there were other kids around, cousins of his that I was babysitting, and think he was more interested in playing than sitting on my lap. He also used to get diluted apple juice in a bottle once in a while, convenient for us if we were going somewhere, but since I was home with him, it wasn't really an issue (tho' I did do a charity walk with him in a sling at 8 months, so he could nurse there if he wanted to, but no, he slept the whole 2 miles).

Only had one relative ask me how long I was going to nurse him, at a big family gathering (at 8 months), I said, "as long as he wants," and my Dad piped up and said how he remembered his mother nursing him, and that shut down that line of inquiry (thanks, Dad!), didn't see that person on a regular basis anyway. Most of the awkwardness in my family was other women explaining to me why they hadn't or couldn't breastfeed their babies, as if I was making them feel guilty by default (I wasn't, I was just the only one in my circle of sisters and sisters-in-laws who breastfed, so I was the odd one out). I think it was more because they didn't know much about it, as most of my generation was bottle fed (including me).

One word of caution: think of an appropriate nickname for nursing time now, and keep repeating it, as your child starts to speak. Somehow mine's was "knobby boobies" and don't ask me how or why that came about. But having a toddler ask you for knobby boobies very loudly can be awkward in public, ha-ha.

I liked going to the occasional La Leche League meeting, I wasn't super into it, more that I liked the camaraderie of other nursing mothers, at someone's private home, and they always had a little library set up where you could borrow books, and of course, a plethora of other nursing moms who could answer questions. None of them were judgmental or militant (which my Mom had feared), and I went when I wanted to and stayed home when I didn't.

It was harder for me when my son weaned than it was for him. Just do what's right for you and your baby, and carry a blanket for coverups if you need it and don't make a big deal of it, and realize if anyone says anything to you, it's their hang-ups, and zero to do with you. Good luck!
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 8:59 AM on November 27, 2018 [5 favorites]


Where are you located in the US? I would guess there's a wide range of normal depending on your community. Here in Brooklyn, stopping breastfeeding at a year would be really early. I still pump - my daughter is 13 months - I don't discuss it with my boss, I just mark it in my calendar and do it.
posted by valeries at 9:00 AM on November 27, 2018 [3 favorites]


I had a crap supply, started supplementing with formula at 7 weeks, and breastfed until 22 months, so it's not only an option for those of us who produce tons of milk. Do what feels right!

I had a similar path of feeding less during the day as she got older, until it was just before nap and bedtime, and sometimes in the morning first thing. I quit pumping at, hm, maybe 12 months? I was traveling for work and I remember only pumping on one work trip. Pumping was a much loathed chore, tons of work and soreness for not very much supply, so it was a relief to let it go.

I will say I think I noticed more than she did when it was ending, and had some sadness for a while. We talked about it, as someone said above it's nice to be able to talk it through with a speaking child. But she didn't ask as much as I was afraid she would, and while we still sometimes talk about boobs, she didn't look back. They are so busy becoming.

People will feel free to talk to you about allllll the things you are doing, at every stage. People were so startlingly intrusive and insensitive to me about breastfeeding from the time she was a tiny baby, on the street and in bookstores and stuff. I think it's okay to ignore, but it's also ok to say "wow!" or burst into tears, or however it takes you in the moment - return a piece of that awkwardness to sender, if you will. You are okay and your baby is okay, I'm pretty sure that if you are enjoying breastfeeding anyone who gives you a hard time about it is telling you a lot more about themselves and nothing about what is normal or healthy or objectively true, you know?
posted by Lawn Beaver at 9:03 AM on November 27, 2018 [2 favorites]


Our code word for nursing was “snack.” We went to about two or two and a half; no pumping after about a year, because it was really only two or three times a day for snuggles and not really for nutrition (waking, bedtime, maybe once or twice extra for comfort after a bad fall.) It was pretty much invisible to anybody who didn’t live in our house, it was that low-key.
posted by Andrhia at 9:06 AM on November 27, 2018 [2 favorites]


My son is 17 months and I'm still breastfeeding, sort of. Up until he was 1 he nursed and had breastmilk from a bottle about 50/50. And right around 1 he started getting less interested in nursing, probably because it was taking too long and the bottle flowed quicker. Now he nurses in the middle of the night and only once a week or so if he isn't feeling good. He has breastmilk in bottles the rest of the time. So in my case I never had to feel 'awkward' because he doesn't nurse around others at all anymore. But I wouldn't have a problem nursing in public now if I had to. At some point you just stop giving a crap about what people think and you gotta do what's right for your baby. My son is underweight because he has eating issues (unrelated to the nursing) so if someone ever made a comment to me I am sure I'd give them a piece of my mind. My son is allergic to cows milk, but any vegan milk doesn't have enough calories for him (because he doesnt eat enough solids.. and either way he refuses to drink other milk) so I am gonna keep pumping as long as I have to. In my case, my milk supply is great so I only pump 3 times a day now and if I worked I could probably wait till after 5pm to pump for the midday pumping. But I wouldn't feel bad about telling a boss that I am continuing to pump during work as long as my baby needs milk for survival. I *do* however, wish that my son drank formula, just so I don't feel the pressure of producing enough milk and so I had the option of stopping pumping, or going away for a night or two if I needed to. But my son gags and vomits at the taste of every formula we tried. I think we should have introduced formula earlier (probably around 7 months) so he would be used to both breastmilk and formula... but that's my specific situation and I am definitely not telling you how to do things, just something to think about. But I do agree that they're still tiny babies at 1 and I am shocked that some people judge mothers for breastfeeding longer. You just gotta do what's best for your baby and for you.
posted by never.was.and.never.will.be. at 9:21 AM on November 27, 2018 [3 favorites]


Food before one is just for fun! Which is to say, no, it is totally good to keep nursing!

I nursed till shortly before my older kid turned 3. It was very hard to wean her (I was D.O.N.E. and she was not) but other than that extended nursing was great. For my second (now 7 months) I will wean by age 2, maybe sooner because I'm having more problems this time, because I hear before two is easier than after about 2.5. We live in a very nursing-friendly community and I never really had any issues with people being weird, or at least none that I remember. There got to be a point where I was really just able to say no, not right now, and it really became just something we did at home. She started daycare at 15 months and I was not pumping by then, so you may not need to pump much past a year. By sometime before age two it was nursing in the morning at wake up, maybe again before we left, nursing after day care, once in the evening, and at bedtime, so maybe 4 or 5 times a day? Then down to just twice and finally just once a day at the end. She would nurse more when sick, at certain developmental phases, and if she got hurt or really upset it was a really nice way to comfort her.

Do you know kellymom? That's my favorite nursing resource, but it's not really a support group, more just info.
posted by john_snow at 9:34 AM on November 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


I'm still nursing my 23-month-old, and I'm mostly glad I'm doing it. I phased out pumping by 15 months, and would have stopped it sooner except that she's allergic to cow's milk and hated the allergy-friendly formula; she drinks soy milk during the day now. I'm not sure how much breastmilk she's getting - I can go 24 hours without my breasts getting noticeably full - but nursing is still nice. Most days it's just in the morning when she wakes up, and in the evening when I get home from work, maybe more on weekends depending on what we're doing.

I never got any negative reactions from people - maybe one or two surprised faces, but no comments. I started to get self-conscious about nursing in public a few months ago, especially as the toddler got bolder about helping herself (thanks for pulling down my swimsuit when you got upset at the lake and wanted some comfort, kid!) But once I stopped doing it she mostly understood, and now if there are other people around, I'll see her thinking about it, then she'll just pat my shirt and say "boobs away".

Downsides: we don't nurse at bedtime, but I do if she wakes up during the night (not every night, but still pretty often), and I'm getting tired of that - but we can hopefully change that without weaning altogether. When she's teething she both gets bite-y, and nurses more for comfort - part of me can't believe I have lived with that through so many teeth! Also I'd say she was less interested for a while, nursing for shorter times and asking less, and then got more interested again, so part of me wishes I'd taken that opportunity to cut back then.
posted by songs about trains at 9:36 AM on November 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


I breastfed my daughter until a couple months after she turned two. I rarely breastfed in public after she was maybe 14-18 months-ish. It wasn’t a deliberate choice - it was generally just easier to say, give her a snack to eat in the cart at the grocery store than to stop shopping and sit down and nurse. By around 20ish months we were usually only nursing at times of day that we were naturally at home, so public breastfeeding was even less common (morning, before nap, after nap, before bed).

I agree that you definitely don’t need to pump to continue to breastfeed your daughter directly when you’re with her.
posted by insectosaurus at 9:36 AM on November 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


I will echo was the sentiment above that nursing a one year old is SO DIFFERENT from nursing a 7 month old, so try not to stress about maintaining things exactly as they are in 5 months. Your kid will be almost twice as old as they are now! That's a lot!
Even a one year old who isn't walking yet is much more mobile and interested in the world (vs their parent) than a seven month old and that itself, in addition to more solids and more variety of foods, will cut way back on your public nursing (if that's even an option).
When you are out in public, your future one year old is much more likely to be craning their neck to see what's around, demanding to hold or touch objects in the environment, walking or crawling to explore... all of which is usually more interesting than a closeup of the same view they've been seeing for the past 12 months.
I nursed both my kids to about 2.5 and did three main things to control how/when they nursed based on my preferences:

1) put my husband on kid duty to help with night weaning and putting the kid to bed
2) packed healthy-ish treats to pull out as an alternative to nursing
3) wore non-nursing friendly clothes if we were going somewhere I didn't want to nurse. I would then show the kid, look, I can't get my boobs out, you'll have to wait til we're home and I get changed

I hadn't expected to nurse that long when I was pregnant with my first, but once we got started it never occurred to me to wean any earlier. It's such a great way to soothe a baby, has so many health benefits for mother and child, and let me eat like a trucker while staying at what is (for me) a comfortable body weight.
posted by dotparker at 9:38 AM on November 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


I breastfed my daughter until she self-weaned just shy of her 3rd birthday. We live in upstate NY, so probably more liberal than a lot of areas, but far from "crunchy."

At 7 months, she was barely playing with solids. At 12 months, I stopped pumping and let her eat whatever daycare was serving, with a lot of cow milk (not in a bottle). She had already been "reverse cycling" for most of her life (nursing a lot at night) and continued for about another year.

As others have said, there's less need to nurse a toddler when you're out and about, but we did occasionally and no one ever said anything or stared at us or anything. It was fine.

I breastfeed my child into toddlerhood. As the previous poster mentioned, there was far less public breastfeeding anyway, as it was just a sleep thing. I didn't pump during the day.
Looking back, I wish that my child had a better way to go to sleep. And I think that it was not good for my brain and independence to breastfeed for so long, it ymmv.

For what it's worth, my daughter was, and still is at 4.5 years, a lousy sleeper. I feel like the night nursing may have played a role in this, but I still feel it was worth it. I don't feel like it was bad for my brain and independence, personally.
posted by Kriesa at 9:43 AM on November 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


Best answer: Live your life and screw the haters.

One thing I've learned so far (my daughter is nearly two) is that whatever choice a woman makes on how to feed her child, she'll fear judgement of others. My wife stopped breastfeeding at two months and we moved to formula and she was terrified of feeding her a bottle in public for fear of getting judgey side-eye. Breastfeed, formula, early weaning, late weaning, there will always be someone ready to give you their opinion. There's no perfect approach that will get the approval of the entire community (not that it matters even a smidge) so make the choices you want to make, do what you think is best for your kid, and everyone else can take a hike.
posted by fso at 9:46 AM on November 27, 2018 [11 favorites]


I'm still nursing my daughter at 2.5, but I stopped pumping at 10 months, when she was eating some solids, and she did fine without pumped milk at daycare after that. We're down to one boobing a day now, right before bed. I love the snuggles and I'm not ready to give it up yet! People definitely think it's a bit odd, but I don't care.
posted by chaiminda at 9:57 AM on November 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


To add to my comment above - PhoBWanKenobi posted what her daughter’s nursing on demand was like, and I think it varies a lot, so here’s what my daughter was like for comparison. We nursed on demand until around 14 months (which is when my daughter really started eating enough solids to make a difference), then more or less on demand until age two; as I said in my comment above, I’d sometimes tell her “not right now” if we were in the middle of grocery shopping or something but I wasn’t trying to cut down overall at that point.

Newborn: I have no idea, approximately ten million times a day if I had to guess
3-6 months: 12ish times per 24 hours
6 - 9 months: Around 8x a day plus 2x at night
9-14 months: Night weaned, around 8x a day still
14 - 20 months: Gradual decrease to around 4x a day as she ate more solids
20 - 25 months: Gradual decrease to 2x a day (morning and before nap)
26 months: Deliberate decision by me to decrease to once a day (morning only)
27 months: Deliberate decision by me to wean, but prompted by us being on a trip and our natural routine and my daughter forgetting to ask for a couple days in a row. She did eventually ask and I told her it was the last time, and she was okay with that - she asked occasionally for a few months, but wasn’t upset when I reminded her that we were done.
posted by insectosaurus at 9:57 AM on November 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


I just want to echo what fso said. There's so much judgment in feeding and you should do what works for you.
posted by melodykramer at 10:04 AM on November 27, 2018 [2 favorites]


I'd say that the likelihood of getting looks for nursing toddlers varies widely by location. I never had anyone look at me funny except for a 3 year old classmate of my kid's ("IS HE EATING A BOOBIE?!?!") but we live in a pretty liberal area.

We nursed everywhere until about a year, and then cut way down on nursing both in public and on drinking pumped milk when I wasn't around. That was partly because of the kid, who was quite capable with solids and non-breastmilk liquids by then, and partly because of me, who honestly felt a little funny nursing a growth-chart-breaking toddler at an age where he would happily pop off and run towards an interesting sound with no warning. (His daycare didn't count as "in public" to me because it was basically his second home, which is why his friend had questions.) I stopped pumping around a year too because by that point I found it annoying. Seven months old is half a lifetime away from that, though.

The main transition between baby and kid for me was the fact that this was no longer an action required for the kid to survive, therefore there was a bit more bodily autonomy involved. Kid needed to have good manners (which evolved with age), either of us could stop if something wasn't comfortable (if I was wearing a scratchy sweater, he might stop early; if he had a tooth coming in that was messing with his latch I might stop early), and he could always have a hug if noms weren't on the menu. I found nursing to be a supereffective toddler tantrum preventer. As you get to that point you might find some aspects of the nursing relationship that you want to change, and I think it's important to remember you have every right to that.

Ultimately we nursed until a little before 3. I pushed for weaning at that point, but it went so smoothly that I think he was okay with it.
posted by tchemgrrl at 10:12 AM on November 27, 2018 [2 favorites]


My son is only 13 months but I fully expect to go much longer nursing him than I did with my daughter (who stopped at 14 months) for a variety of reasons...he loooooves nursing in a way she never did and is likely to want to continue until I feel done with it, he's got a significant dairy allergy and has been slow to take to solid food so the extra calories are nice, and he's my last baby so I appreciate the snuggles and closeness more than I might otherwise. If any of my family or friends think it's weird or worthy of judgment, nobody has said a word to me about it thus far.

As far as logistics go, like many others, I stopped pumping during the workday at exactly 12 months and currently we just nurse mornings, evenings, and overnights (sigh), so about 4x in a 24-hour period; on weekends, we add in probably two more sessions right before his naps. During the week, we send Ripple non-dairy milk to daycare in bottles (or sippy cups if he's feeling amenable), and he eats whatever amount of solids he wants. We rarely need to nurse in public, but if I did, it wouldn't be a bit deal; it's more than it's so routine by now that it's easy to schedule around so it always happens in our house (and DAMN, I am so happy to be back to wearing a regular bra in public as a result).

I've found that nursing frequency often naturally tapers with age on its own without me needing to intervene TOO much. At 7 months, my kiddo was definitely full-on nursing 8-10x a day, but once they get well beyond one year, it definitely starts to become more like a "snack" or just an opportunity for closeness and comfort than about the calories or nutrition. My son is so very interested in the world now that he nurses for a much shorter time than when he was small (and so my supply adjusts accordingly) and then he's raring to get down and back to playing and exploring.

Best wishes!
posted by anderjen at 10:12 AM on November 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


Kellymom is my go-to website for most nursing/breastfeeding issues. Here's the link for nursing past one year.

My oldest son self-weaned himself at 2.5 (fun fact - he was potty trained before he was weaned!) My youngest son self weaned at age 3. For my oldest son, after the age of one, nursing was basically just a way to get him to go to sleep, so we only did it at night. For my younger son, we did nurse more often into toddlerhood, but by more often, I mean we did it probably 2-3 times a day.

You may not need to pump as much once your child gets older, esp. as nursing sessions go down. As for other people, that is totally up to you. I was very comfortable nursing in public, and would give the stink-eye to anyone giving me the stink eye. However, I taught my kids the sign for "nurse" and "milk", and once they could talk, we talked about how nursing was for night time or for sad times, and not just any time they were bored.
posted by alathia at 11:07 AM on November 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


Nursing past 6 months was when I really lost weight. I ate whatever I wanted and the pounds just melted away. Started solids about 6 months. At @ 1 year, it was at bedtime and 1st thing in the morning, as I was working. By 18 months or so, I wanted my body back, and we tapered off. My then husband was supportive. My Mom was a PITA. My son would not nurse discreetly after about 9 months or so, so rarely nursed in public. I missed it when we were done.
posted by theora55 at 11:50 AM on November 27, 2018


Best answer: I thought I would breastfeed up until the time my kid could talk about it with real words, but then the phrase he came up with for nursing was “food hug”, and how could I say no to that?! Also, he had medical issues, so it made sense to breastfeed as long as possible to help him there, and we made it 2.5 years. I was still pumping twice a day after year one to keep up supply, and I think I dropped to once a day by 2 years and stopped pumping a couple months after that. My supply completely tanked after I stopped pumping and started working a full work-week (both of those happened at the same time), which made my toddler frustrated, which he took out on my body, so I was totally ready to be done. As a result, the last couple months of nursing were pretty awful, and I stopped on my birthday because HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.

So, pump as long as you think it helps. Beware mastitis when you stop pumping (I got it bad each time I cut out a session). If you need to be done when your kid gets too wiggly/bite-y/grabby, you matter, too.

I never let anyone give me shit about extended breastfeeding, and to be honest, if they tried to give me shit I really didn’t notice. You do you, mama.
posted by Maarika at 11:58 AM on November 27, 2018 [3 favorites]


Best answer: We weaned at his 4th birthday due to a summer cold. The reduced feedings anyway gave me little supply and then nursing with a stuffy nose is impossible. We were sad, but we talked about it.

Some practical items:

I continued pumping up to 17 months because he had a food sensitivity that we hadn't figured out yet. I work outside of the home 40+ hours a week, so pumping that long and also visiting and nursing almost every day on my lunch break up to 22 months old (that last month I reduced one day a week) kept my supply up and not uncomfortable. We cosleep (he's 5 now) and nursed at any night wakings up til he stopped needing it somewhere between 3 and 3.5 years.

At 7 months, my kiddo had a couple of teeth. I remember a friend stopped at 6 months because teeth and biting scared her. (Understandable.) Those bottom teeth aren't too bad as long as you focus on the latch and the baby sticking their tongue out to cover the teeth. When the top teeth came in, that was harder. Our lazy latch wasn't good enough anymore. I had to be sure to tip his chin up higher to stop his top teeth from digging in. (I'm tipping my own head right now imagining the head and teeth position, ha.)

Around 9 months, on my first Mother's Day of an outside baby, he had his only nursing strike. It was heart wrenching, but also helped me learn more about being a mother to a baby with personality and needs and not just a mouth to stick a boob into.

At 10/11 months, we were trying to figure out what was causing skin irritation and eczema and the dermatology specialist asked me how long we were going to breastfeed. I did not find her a helpful breastfeeding support person.

At 12 months, I asked my (male) boss if I could still pump due to trying to figure out the food sensitivity, and he said that is such a personal topic and there was no problem with that and to go as long as I needed. He said he got more disruptions from a (male) coworker's running training schedule emails than my pumping, so no worries. YMMV. My state protects breastfeeding parents up to 12 months, so that is why I asked about going further.

At 16 months, baby moved from the infant room to the toddler room at daycare. I still visited to nurse on my lunch breaks (the best part of my work day, absolutely). The daycare director told me I should continue to nurse in the infant room instead of the toddler room, so that if any preschoolers or their parents (?!?) saw me, they wouldn't complain. She was especially concerned about nursing at pickup because they combined classrooms at the end of the day. I tried at lunch, but my kiddo loved the infant teacher and the infant friends and toys so much, he was too distracted getting to see them again he wouldn't nurse. So I insisted I get to nurse him in the toddler room. I ended up printing out our state (MN) statute saying that parents can breastfeed their children anywhere they are otherwise allowed to be, argued with the daycare director (and yelled at her, too, saying that if I wasn't as stubborn and well-informed, she'd be jeopardizing our nursing relationship), and she capitulated, took the next day off where the owner was there instead and saw how my breastfeeding was not disruptive at all, and nothing else was said. But this did make me less eager to breastfeed at pickup.

A part of my pump hose cracked the seal around 17 months, so I stopped pumping around then, refurbished the pump and gave it to an expecting mom. I had enough milk to send to daycare through 18 months. He had water otherwise.

20 months is this untold age where babies have a huge sleep regression. It is really quite often I hear folks wondering what happened at 20 months when their kid suddenly needs to breastfeed constantly and wakes a million times a night. They are really going through a mental growth. Mine said only a handful of words before 20 months, but after 21 months or so, he was speaking in sentences! So this was a tough age as a breastfeeding mom, but keep on boobing and know it will pass. Baby just needs extra comfort.

It was around that same time my in-laws (in their 80s) made a comment about how the Farmers Almanac said it was a good time to wean. My spouse rolled his eyes and said it was up to me and our kid.

Honestly, I don't remember any other side-eyes after that. As the kiddo gets older, they want less milk in public areas just as they age. And as they eat more solids (mostly closer to 2 than 1, for us and many others), they don't need the milk as much and as a parent, you can say "not right now, when we get home" much more easily.

One other time, when kiddo was around age 3, I was feeling dizzy due to congestion and the nurse suggested I take decongestant. When I mentioned that I was still breastfeeding, she told me to just pump and dump. Uh, I ain't pumping these days, I thought, and probably wouldn't have much pump out anyway. I opted to not take the decongestant.

I attended local La Leche League meetings this whole time, and that helped me a lot, as I didn't have any other support really in my life for breastfeeding. I also joined the Kelly Mom Breastfeeding Support Group on Facebook which is excellent!

Good luck! Do what feels right to you for you and your kid. It is a unique time in your life as your child's parent. XOXO
posted by jillithd at 11:59 AM on November 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


As for long-term effects: years later, my kid still tries to smoosh his face up against any exposed skin on my body. Sometimes I’m okay with it, and other times I feel hulk rage. My attempts to teach him about body autonomy often fall onto deaf ears because he is the most touchy-feely kid I have ever met.
posted by Maarika at 12:04 PM on November 27, 2018


Breastfeeding at one year and pumping at one year are different things too! I pumped at work until 1 year and now I'm just at casual feeding when it comes up (ie whenever I'm in arms reach of the child). It's a really nice low key way to go compared to the OMG ARE YOU BEING FED? of infancy.
posted by chiquitita at 12:34 PM on November 27, 2018


Best answer: "Food before one is just for fun" is definitely the watchword; anyone who is "pushing" for solids to be nutrition at this age is ignorant and can be ignored. Even if you weaned today, you'd have five months of most nutrition coming from formula! The good reasons to be starting solids now are a) it's fun for baby; b) it helps baby develop the SUPER COMPLICATED skills involved in moving food around their mouth and swallowing it (that requires more individual muscles coordinating than any other voluntary human task, it takes a lot of practice!); c) it's a great sensory experience -- texture, taste, smell -- which is great for developing little brains. But it's not giving them any nutrition at this age! The other benefit of solids at this age (or a little later when they can pick up puffs or cheerios) is social -- they really enjoy being able to sit in their high chair at the table while their adults have a meal, and to be a part of the social activity of eating. (Babies also love attending boring meetings, where they can sit on a lap at a table and babble while everyone else babbles. They're participating!)

But yeah, none of the benefits of solids before age one is "getting necessary nutrients"! It's fun, it's developmental play, it engages baby in the social life of the family, but anyone who thinks that's where calories should come from is nuuuuuuuuuuts.

I breastfed my oldest two to 14 months (they both completely lost interest about then) and my youngest to 18 months, so I don't have any amazing words of wisdom for true EBF, but I live in the midwest and I don't run in particularly crunchy circles, and nobody ever said boo about it to me. My experience of watching other people EBF is that the judgy people start getting mouthy when baby is about 2 years old, but conveniently kids typically are spreading their nursing out quite a bit at that age and it's pretty easy to make the timing more convenient for privacy if you would rather not deal with the judgy people.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 12:38 PM on November 27, 2018 [2 favorites]


Eh, just stay steady and calm and have your rote answers ready to shut down the side-eye. I'm not a parent but I aunt the heck out of my friends' kids, and LOVE being an ally -- I've had a number of friends let their kids self-wean, and I am RIGHT THERE with the side-eye right back at anyone who gets judgey. (Or whatever kind of support my friends would like me to provide.)
posted by desuetude at 2:12 PM on November 27, 2018


I live in Brooklyn and I have friends who breastfed until their kids were 4yo! I'm sure they had to deal with some unhelpful comments, but honestly most people don't care at all. Your boss should definitely not notice or care how long you pump for. And if anyone asks how long you plan on nursing, you can say "as long as we both enjoy it."

And don't let people push you into feeding baby solids before s/he seems ready. My doctor laid a HUGE guilt trip on me when baby was 10mo and wouldn't eat solids. Turns out he just hated baby food, and once he had enough teeth for un-mushed veggies, egg, bread etc., he was a voracious eater.

TBH I thought I would want to nurse for longer than I did. By 14 months both my kids were enthusiastic eaters and nursing was mostly just a habit, not something they seemed to really need either nutritionally or emotionally. I felt like sometimes my son would do it just to get attention, and really, a hug would have done the same thing for him. But--you do you! Some parents and kids love doing it for years, and that's terrific for them.
posted by tk_zk at 2:25 PM on November 27, 2018


Best answer: How can I respond to people's reactions to seeing an older baby nurse?

"My pediatrician recommends it, but thanks for your concern."

I agree with the comment above that judgy folks gonna judge, so having a go-to phrase can be handy; this one lends itself to a number of delivery styles.
posted by MonkeyToes at 3:27 PM on November 27, 2018 [2 favorites]


I breastfed my son until he was almost two. We stopped because I was exhausted. He barely ate solids and I was the all night milk bar. I shut it down to finally get some sleep. Then he started eating solids and I got my brain and my body back. In retrospect maybe I should have stopped earlier.

On the other hand, my partner nursed our daughter until she was over 4. They only stopped as my wife had to get a yellow fever shot for travel for work. The reason my wife kept going so long is because she loved, loved, loved breastfeeding, and my daughter enjoyed it too, obviously. They also had a much more reasonable schedule than my son and I did. They got some snide comments from family members, but more or less stopped nursing in public around twoish I think. Nursing was generally private, at home after that point, often just before bedtime.

I hope you will breastfeed as long as you and your child want to, with the support of your partner (if you have one). Everyone else can mind their own business.
posted by Cuke at 4:35 PM on November 27, 2018 [1 favorite]


I am still nursing my kid who turned 4 at the end of September. We lived in Sydney (Inner West) until a few months ago when we moved to Tassie; I have family in the States so I've nursed him at 2+ in Hawaii, CA, and Chicago. As far as I can tell, I've had few issues and got a few random compliments (mostly in Oz/HI). I think my dad thought it was weird but he must have eventually googled it because he got over it. I do know my friend in Chicago felt a bit more odd one out, and they did similar cosleeping + extended nursing (they just weaned at 3.5).

What is it like though? They get goofy and grabby and... Acrobatic. It's really sweet and funny. I'm so glad I've been able to nurse through some of the development and frustrations and tantrums while he learns to control his feelings and stuff. As my friend said "I can't imagine having weaned earlier - she NEEDS it!" It's nice to be able to talk to him about it.

I cut out nursing in public entirely and finished night weaning around 4 - could have done that earlier.

And man, by the time he finally weans I will be beyond done / no tears from me!
posted by jrobin276 at 5:12 PM on November 27, 2018


I breastfed my kids until 2.5 and 3.25, respectively. The older one self-weaned; the younger one needed much more encouragement.

Most nursing after my kids were about 15 months old happened at bedtime/naptime and when they woke up, so it wasn't really a public topic of conversation. If it came up, I just shrugged and mentioned that it worked well for us. No one said anything negative to my face. (But I'm also in a left coast city.)

Re: pumping: I have a friend who has nursed three children into toddlerhood (her youngest is almost two). She works 12 hour healthcare shifts, so pumping is complicated and difficult. With all three kids, she stopped pumping around their first birthdays and switched to cow/almond/goat milk. Many people I know with less demanding jobs also stepped down or stopped pumping around the same time -- drop pumping sessions one by one, and then stop.

Nursing an older baby/toddler often involves setting boundaries with them as they can better understand that your body is not their body. But it's so, so sweet to have that gentle connection time during phases when they're beginning to experiment with independence. Most kids I know who breastfed through the time when they could talk found their own nickname for nursing. My kids called it "muk" and "dadada." (No idea.) My older kid's bff's mom directed her daughter to "leche." When I nannied her, her mom would come get her at the end of the day, and she'd run to her mom yelling, "Yeche!"

As with so many things, follow what works for your family. If you love breastfeeding and your kid is into it, screw the haters and do what you want to do.
posted by linettasky at 7:05 PM on November 27, 2018


Response by poster: You guyssss...I am so thankful for your thorough and extremely helpful answers.

They are extremely encouraging in emotional and practical terms.

People seem to assume our baby is way older than she actually is because she is a tiny giant (she wears toddler clothes already!), so I am getting judgy stares already. You have definitely gotten me started in the path of confident parenting, however. I am not going to deny her the benefits of breastfeeding just to avoid some rando's disapproval.

There is a lot to digest here, beginning by the glorious fact that you guys seem to have breastfed for longer than I expected! Knowing that helps me in terms of keeping flexible and available to baby if she wants to continue, without imposing some arbitrary timeline.

Your observations of how intense things were to you personally also help. I did at one point feel slightly claustrophobic when pumping and part of me wanted to take a baseball bat at the pump, but at least for now I don't mind anymore. I do plan to pump as long as possible because ideally I would like to delay transitioning to cow's milk (just for the heck of it, I kind of like the idea of baby drinking her custom-made milk for as long as possible). I am also planning to donate to a local NICU because I have a huge stash (initial oversupply).
posted by Tarumba at 7:05 AM on November 28, 2018 [4 favorites]


Best answer: "When are you going to wean him?"
"How soon do you need to know?"

Seriously, this is your choice and it does no harm to go more than a year.
My spouse and I let our kids decide when they were ready and it mostly had to do with them biting.

Be aware that modern refrigerators freezers are terrible for storing breast milk for more than a few months. The reason is that they cycle the temperature above freezing to avoid frost. This will eventually spoil milk. Our first didn't have a good latch (Down syndrome, low muscle tone), so Mrs. Plinth pumped like she had twins. When we discovered milk that had spoiled in the freezer, we invested in a chest freezer and she filled it.
posted by plinth at 1:37 PM on November 28, 2018


I breastfed my daughter until a little after she turned four. I agree that the amount of time nursing drops dramatically as a toddler gets bigger. It was clearly important to her though, as the first word she signed was milk and that doubled as asking for me for the first year or so of signing. It was nice to be able to talk about it ending with her and by then it had been only one evening feed for some time. It was replaced with snuggle time, which stayed a part of bedtime.

I think the only real pushback I got was pumping at work-- they all were totally supportive of pumping for a small baby, but got kind of annoyed after she was a year old. I don't think I needed to pump after she was eighteen months or so, though. I had the kinds of friends who were all, "of course you can nurse your baby/toddler anywhere you want", so no trouble there, except for needing to ask for a place away from people, because I had an easily distractible child.

Despite nursing quite long, I don't think there's a correct amount of time which all children should be nursed. You'll figure out what the right amount of time is for you and your child, and do please employ your spouse for any pushback when they can, you're using enough energy here.
posted by Margalo Epps at 11:03 AM on November 29, 2018


Best answer: I found this post about breastfeeding in Mongolia from a western parent perspective really quite lovely, too, and it helped me as we moved past the infant stage.
posted by jillithd at 12:39 PM on November 29, 2018


I breast fed Kid # 1 to just over 2 years. # Kid 2 got 23 months. I did not feed in public. Their father was neutral. Verbally supported breast feeding but was abusive. It’s a wonder I had so much milk. Socially I was in a circle which favored long term breast feeding. I think it was good for both kids. Weaning was a little rough in both case because the first weaning was because I got pregnant with Kid #2 and with Kid # 2 it was over. 2 years. I’d had enough. I got strep and weaning became mandatory.
I had no major problems nursing. I know lots of people do.
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 1:32 PM on December 1, 2018


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