Recommendations for underwhelming, but hilarious tiny gift

November 23, 2018 5:01 PM

So, I like to give my sister gifts that elicit a reaction. Most of the time I shoot for delight, but sometimes, I go for the laugh. I have a colorful nested set of 12 boxes that I'm going to wrap and gift to her. After she finally and frustratingly reaches the center, I want her to be completely underwhelmed, but also find whatever it is hilarious. What should I put inside???

She and I share an odd sense of humor that can skew towards dark. Like a human tooth is one item I'm considering. She has a fascination with teeth, so I'm sure it would be appreciated.

I've also polled a few friends and some suggestions that made me laugh were: a random 4 digit code (meaningless, but I wouldn't reveal that) and a broken crayon. I'd love to hear any and all oddball ideas you have. Nothing sentimental!

posted by pdxhiker to Human Relations (62 answers total)

Best answer: A tiny, painted snail shell
A jellybaby in a funeral shroud
A single novelty shaped paperclip
A piece of "fool's gold"
posted by stillnocturnal at 5:07 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

Best answer: A very small gift certificate “Good for One (1) Very Tiny Box”
posted by D.Billy at 5:09 PM on November 23, 2018 [56 favorites]

a wind up llama

My kid collects Trash Packs- they are stupid little rubbery toys that I find oddly ridiculously compelling
posted by Ftsqg at 5:09 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

Best answer: Googly eye. Or two.
posted by FencingGal at 5:10 PM on November 23, 2018 [19 favorites]

A jelly bean.
posted by Winnie the Proust at 5:10 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

Rig a tiny snake with a paper spring, so it's like one of those fake peanut tins
posted by stillnocturnal at 5:10 PM on November 23, 2018 [5 favorites]

An acorn along with a note saying "Have fun sowing your wild oak!"
posted by Constance Mirabella at 5:16 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

The web address of a box manufacturing company.
posted by moonmilk at 5:21 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

Best answer: One crappy earring, some plastic jewellery or better still, tickets to an event that's already been and gone.
posted by Jubey at 5:22 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

Wind-up chattering teeth
posted by Kangaroo at 5:22 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

Tiny violin.
posted by Iris Gambol at 5:29 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

This pigeon butt pin from etsy is both hilarious and awesome. The panda one is also cute.
posted by mochapickle at 5:30 PM on November 23, 2018 [12 favorites]

A coffee bean.
posted by DTMFA at 5:31 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

Walmart has a set of miniature 2” nesting dolls. That’s pretty much the last thing I’d want to see if I were her.
posted by rw at 5:33 PM on November 23, 2018 [41 favorites]

Best answer: A cheerio.
posted by spec80 at 5:33 PM on November 23, 2018 [11 favorites]

A wooden nickel.
posted by arrmatie at 5:35 PM on November 23, 2018

Eighty-three sunflower seeds. When she gets to them, explain that the number of seeds is significant. Do not explain why.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 5:56 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

Best answer: A peanut in the shell, with a note saying, "Do not open until Christmas".
posted by Fuego at 5:58 PM on November 23, 2018 [16 favorites]

A tiny framed photo of Schrödinger.
posted by mal de coucou at 6:01 PM on November 23, 2018 [9 favorites]

A single dried bean.
posted by delight at 6:05 PM on November 23, 2018

Best answer: A miniature photo of you.
posted by notjustthefish at 6:05 PM on November 23, 2018 [19 favorites]

There used to be a street vendor in Berkeley with a sign that said "I CAN WRITE YOUR NAME ON A GRAIN OF RICE". You could get that done for her. Ideally with a misspelling.
posted by aws17576 at 6:12 PM on November 23, 2018 [33 favorites]

Can of beans
posted by MadMadam at 6:13 PM on November 23, 2018

I like D Billy’s idea A LOT and build on it by saying: inside the smallest box is a piece of paper that says “gift certificate: give to pdxhiker for one tiny box.” When she gives the gift certificate back to you, trade her back an even tinier box that will fit inside the smallest box (I’m imagining it to be pinkie finger tip or matchbox sized- maybe you can origami one with tweezers?). Explain that the gift certificate didn’t fit inside the tiniest box.

Also the tooth is a good choice.
posted by holyrood at 6:14 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

Best answer: > tickets to an event that's already been and gone

Variation: prescratched losing lottery ticket.
posted by cdefgfeadgagfe at 6:19 PM on November 23, 2018 [12 favorites]

I REALLY like your own tooth idea.
posted by anthropomorphic at 6:28 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

A gift that is obviously for someone else. Like, if her ears aren't pierced but your mom's are, a pair of earrings.
posted by bunderful at 6:30 PM on November 23, 2018

A tiny glass jar labeled “mouse fart”
posted by advicepig at 6:50 PM on November 23, 2018 [18 favorites]

A Porsche key chain with a car key and a note that says look in the driveway, then when she does it's a hot wheels toy Porsche.

I still laugh thinking about that one and I was the victim.
posted by fshgrl at 7:00 PM on November 23, 2018 [16 favorites]

See if you can get a real tuppence from the bank, or someone that travels to the United Kingdom, etc. Put in the box with a tiny card saying something like "I don't give two cents!" "A penny for your thoughts -- okay, big thoughts!" "Tuppence a bag!" "Mary Poppins wouldn't fit."

Or put in a tiny doll t-shirt saying, "I went to the flea circus and all I got was this lousy t-shirt!"
posted by TrishaU at 7:21 PM on November 23, 2018

A set of novelty matryoshka dolls.
posted by elsietheeel at 7:23 PM on November 23, 2018

Best answer: + Plastic babies
+ A single unwrapped hard candy that has obviously been dropped on the ground
+Chewed gum
+A picture of a catalog model from an ad
+A toothpick broken up into tiny pieces

P.S. Y'all sound hilarious, are you taking applications for siblings?
posted by meemzi at 7:33 PM on November 23, 2018 [2 favorites]

A single aspirin.
posted by roger ackroyd at 8:15 PM on November 23, 2018 [3 favorites]

a tiny model of an anvil, or a baby grand, or something large and heavy.
posted by nakedmolerats at 8:36 PM on November 23, 2018 [1 favorite]

This may be along the lines of the PIN but a tiny key that doesn't unlock anything.
posted by azalea_chant at 8:38 PM on November 23, 2018

Best answer: A fingernail clipping
posted by vunder at 8:44 PM on November 23, 2018 [4 favorites]

POCKET CANNONS! (previously) Looks underwhelming, but it packs a punch.
posted by Rhaomi at 9:01 PM on November 23, 2018

Best answer: After opening twelve wrapped boxes, I think it would be infuriatingly funny to find an wooden block painted like a (unopenable) present.
posted by chrisamiller at 9:48 PM on November 23, 2018 [29 favorites]

A blue capsule and a red capsule.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 10:22 PM on November 23, 2018

A used postage stamp.

There is a literary antecedent for this but I can't recall what classic literary family used to wrap up joke gifts for one another and a used postage stamp was the sine qua non.

Could this have been in Little Women?
posted by janey47 at 10:40 PM on November 23, 2018

Best answer: the human tooth, but resting in a nest of hair that you pulled out of your hairbrush. or better, her hairbrush.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:03 AM on November 24, 2018 [3 favorites]

Response by poster: Oh my goodness! I'm so glad I checked in here. I've loved reading every single one of your suggestions. So many funny ideas. Do not stop! :)

As far as my own tooth idea, if I went that route, it would have to be a "the gnarlier, the better" kind of situation, which may be difficult to source beyond ebay. If someone has a particularly gross looking (but sanitary one), I may be up for a trade of some mystery (and likely as disappointing as this gift will be) something.

I'm loving all the input. It will be difficult to choose!
posted by pdxhiker at 12:10 AM on November 24, 2018

Check etsy for all sorts of weird toothness. If you are friends with your dentist, they may be able to supply one for you for free (and sterilized!). Or certainly an old xray of a tooth!
posted by tipsyBumblebee at 12:18 AM on November 24, 2018

Response by poster: I don't have a dentist at the moment and I've given her tooth xrays in the past (found in a shop of recycled materials). But perhaps cozying up to a dentist forum might be fruitful.

Also, re: the matryoshka dolls, I've given her a set of these in the past too, which was a hit. Anyhow, the box is too small for any except the smallest, unsplit doll. :)
posted by pdxhiker at 12:27 AM on November 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

I have a tooth. 2 actually but perhaps they're not "gnarly" enough. You could always dye them yellow. They were taken out so I could get braces. I was going to make earrings out of them but they've been sitting around for a few years. Canines. I'm in England (UK) though. If you can't find any nasty ones in the USA let me know.
posted by ihaveyourfoot at 12:44 AM on November 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

You can make reasonable copies of human teeth with DAS clay.
posted by b33j at 12:54 AM on November 24, 2018

A note that says "you're going to be an aunt!"
posted by bendy at 3:39 AM on November 24, 2018

Doll underwear.
Larvets.
The receipt for the novelty boxes, if you have it, crumpled up.
posted by duffell at 4:04 AM on November 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

Gummy bear with googly eyes.
posted by theora55 at 8:09 AM on November 24, 2018 [3 favorites]

A tiny sculpture of weird, gross "found" items - dead insect, hair, nail clippings.
posted by bunderful at 8:51 AM on November 24, 2018

I think having to unfold a big piece of paper (the biggest you can fold down enough) could add a sense of "more stuff you have to do." Perhaps a People magazine picture of a celebrity. Justin Bieber?
posted by FencingGal at 9:50 AM on November 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

When in college, I sent my sister a hairball and also belly button lint. When her daughter was in college, I pulled some hair out of everyone in the family's hairbrushes and mailed it to her so she could have a little bit of all of us with her.

But I still like your tooth idea too.
posted by maxg94 at 10:53 AM on November 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

A folded $50 bill - the part with the amount showing - but when she unfolds it, half the bill is missing!

Even better:

Make a shitty drawing of the other half of the bill and tape them together, then fold so at first glance only the real money shows.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 10:55 AM on November 24, 2018

Tiny poop emoji toy or keychain
posted by latkes at 12:51 PM on November 24, 2018 [2 favorites]

I had my own wisdom teeth made into jewelry, as a teen. I wouldn‘t call it crappy, more like extremely awesome, but a tooth ring might make a good gift for a fellow tooth obsessed person! 🦷
posted by Omnomnom at 2:21 PM on November 24, 2018

A folded $50 bill - the part with the amount showing - but when she unfolds it, half the bill is missing!

Or one of those folded bills that turns out to be a Gospel tract!
posted by elsietheeel at 2:26 PM on November 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

A tiny photo of Nick Cage, possibly in a cheap dollar store locket.
posted by ananci at 4:03 PM on November 24, 2018 [5 favorites]

A riddle pointing her to another location where she might find another gift or the beginning of a string of clues. You could drag this out for hours ...
posted by bunderful at 5:26 PM on November 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

A note inside saying, "Now that I have your undivided attention... your present is the coffee cup I put in front of you just now -- gotcha!!" Bonus points if she spins it around to drink from it and sees a photo on it of her acting silly as a child.
posted by TrishaU at 5:50 PM on November 24, 2018

A tiny shrine to you. Or a D list celebrity.
posted by Jubey at 6:48 PM on November 24, 2018 [1 favorite]

As far as the tooth thing goes, my dentist says a gold crown in today’s market will bring around $30, so if you have any friends having one replaced you might get the old one cheap. Plus a crown can easily be sterilized and can be crushed or otherwise damaged to give it the right Mad Max esthetic.

One of those nasty candy necklaces where each bead tastes like chalk would be good, too. You could remove some of the beads or break a bunch in half so they were just laying in the box.

Also, there is such a thing as candy teeth, but nothing that looks right to me. I did see a tutorial online about making your own candy teeth. That might be worthwhile if it looked good enough, because you could pluck it from the box and eat it in front of her as a final step.
posted by Gilgamesh's Chauffeur at 2:08 AM on November 25, 2018

When she gets to the last box, state "THAT'S where my house key was!" If you'd been talking to her for a couple of days about how you lost your key and have been having to use your spare and you have no idea where you possibly could have lost it etc etc.

Or, steal a small precious item of hers and put it in there. Not sooner than a day or two before gifting, don't be mean and make her worry about it for too long! If she thinks you somehow found a duplicate of said item, and is confused, proudly tell her "nope! it's yours. I stole it. You have it back now, as a present, from me, a regular Christmas Miracle isn't it!"

Glitter is pretty mean. It would be way meaner if you smacked her hand while she was still confused why there was a bunch of glitter in there and it got all over her.

A tiny bottle with frosting inside with an over elaborate label, that, when translated from German, reveals that it's 100% authentic Santa jizz. Can't do that in front of kids, of course.

A single tablet of something that looks like a prescription drug. Or is a prescription drug, whatever. Say, right in front of your parents and family and god and everyone "I remembered how much you liked doing drugs as a teen, and I thought you deserved a break from all the law abiding shit you've been doing lately."

Nothing. Put nothing in there. Pretend to be surprised that it's empty and say "oh god, it must have gotten out!"

a gum wrapper. "Sorry, I got really hungry."

the guts of one of those cards that plays a tune when you open it. Better if you can record your own tune on it, and it is an annoying song that has special significance to her. Or it could play "It's a Small World."

Did your mom keep all of your baby teeth? Put her baby teeth in there. Even if mom makes her give them back. That's even better. Don't let mom know that you took them.

A note that says "This is an intervention." When she looks up, act like it's an intervention about her OCD. Or an intervention about how curiosity killed the cat.

A mouse skeleton. Frown and say, "Hmm, I'd been wondering if I should've put food in there with him. Guess I should have!"

A coupon redeemable for "the one whole minute of your life that i've just wasted with this present. Void in timelines prior to the invention of time travel.

a slip of paper that says "bugs." "What does this mean?" she'll ask. You'll shrug, "I don't really remember. Something about bugs probably."

a tiny scroll, that, when unrolled, reveals an illustration of a human figure with... excessively long anatomical bits.

Make a lil' clay hand out of polymer clay (sculpy) that flips her off when she opens the final box.

tape a number to each box. The final box has the number 2 on it. when she realizes there's no box number one, tell her with exasperation, "you fucked it up! start over. and try harder this time." alternative version: she says "there's no number one?" and you reply: YOU'RE number one! Your FACE is number one! I FUCKING LOVE YOU, OK!?!!!
posted by wires at 4:35 PM on December 6, 2018 [2 favorites]