Turning 100 & celebrating modestly
October 28, 2018 5:03 PM Subscribe
Turning 100 is the biggest of all deals, but my soon to be centanarian wants a modest celebration. Big gestures of any kind are out. Birthday human in question is hanging in there, but feeling the years, not feeling the joy, and has trouble with recent memories. I'm told 'not much tastes good' so food treats are out. What would you make/do/organize/give/recommend to celebrate in an understated way?
Can you do a video or book of birthday wishes from loved ones? That way you can keep it low-key, but still meaningful, and they can have something to look at later.
I'd recommend "favorite memories" instead, but I fear that might seem funereal (sp?).
Is there an outing destination that the birthday human might like going to? Maybe a concert or park or other non-food-based venue?
posted by DebetEsse at 5:18 PM on October 28, 2018
I'd recommend "favorite memories" instead, but I fear that might seem funereal (sp?).
Is there an outing destination that the birthday human might like going to? Maybe a concert or park or other non-food-based venue?
posted by DebetEsse at 5:18 PM on October 28, 2018
A long taped interview turned into a short book would be an excellent opportunity to lay down some memories and give them something fun to do. Then, immediately follow it up with a second book!
posted by parmanparman at 5:19 PM on October 28, 2018
posted by parmanparman at 5:19 PM on October 28, 2018
Best answer: Being 100 and not in great health must be exhausting. Can you ask loved ones to visit over the course of a week, those who are distant could write notes of reminiscence, draw a picture, send a poem, prayer, whatever. Collect meaningful music to play. Ask family and friends to supply photos and do a slide show, maybe get a slide show digital frame. My Mom made it to her mid-80s and was so fond of a tape of music from her 20s. You can request a Presidential birthday greeting, probably a proclamation from your governor, mayor, other pooh-bahs. Find out her favorite flower, order a bouquet.
posted by theora55 at 5:39 PM on October 28, 2018 [5 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 5:39 PM on October 28, 2018 [5 favorites]
Best answer: For my grandfather's 90th, my family contacted everyone he knew and asked them to mail a birthday card. He got over 100 cards, which was so meaningful to everyone. Could this be part of th celebration?
posted by teragram at 5:40 PM on October 28, 2018 [14 favorites]
posted by teragram at 5:40 PM on October 28, 2018 [14 favorites]
Would music be good? Maybe get a live musician to visit -- a guitarist or whatever instrument they like -- or get a song commissioned. There are services online that will write and record a song for you!
posted by amtho at 5:49 PM on October 28, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by amtho at 5:49 PM on October 28, 2018 [2 favorites]
i'm fond of writing inscriptions in books. maybe there's a book that birthday human likes, in which you could write a nice inscription?
(this might be a little on the nose, but perhaps even a book that was published on the year that birthday human was born? extra bonus points if you find one of the original printings, earmarks and all?)
posted by =d.b= at 5:53 PM on October 28, 2018
(this might be a little on the nose, but perhaps even a book that was published on the year that birthday human was born? extra bonus points if you find one of the original printings, earmarks and all?)
posted by =d.b= at 5:53 PM on October 28, 2018
How is her hearing? You could put together a play list of songs that were popular when she was young.
posted by ilovewinter at 6:08 PM on October 28, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by ilovewinter at 6:08 PM on October 28, 2018 [3 favorites]
In addition to asking everyone to send a card, ask them to send a photo of their family or them with the birthday person or whatever. They can send it digitally or send a hard copy and you can scan it / have it scanned. Put photos into a photobook and have it printed for the birthday person. Dig out old family photos and scan some of those, as well. Photobook making is unbelievably, incredibly easy these days and you can make truly terrific looking ones with very little effort by just going along with what the software suggests.
My dad is getting old and ill and kinda grumpy and the one gift that reliably makes him happy is photos of his grandkids printed on things -- mugs, t-shirts, photobooks, etc.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:24 PM on October 28, 2018 [2 favorites]
My dad is getting old and ill and kinda grumpy and the one gift that reliably makes him happy is photos of his grandkids printed on things -- mugs, t-shirts, photobooks, etc.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:24 PM on October 28, 2018 [2 favorites]
A family tree of photos (starting with them and including all of the descendants) mounted on a poster board (with names clearly readable!) could be a nice gift and also give them a useful prompt when faced with a confusing flow of grandchildren, grandchildren's partners and great-grandchildren. Afterwards, it can be mounted on the wall as a reminder of all the people that love them.
posted by metahawk at 6:54 PM on October 28, 2018
posted by metahawk at 6:54 PM on October 28, 2018
You could do a printed photo album if you wanted, from Shutterfly or whatever.
I would do cupcakes so your person can blow out a candle without a huge cake to eat, and open cards from everyone they know. Every relative, friend, church or synagogue member, staff member of their residence if they're in assisted living, etc. The cards can be opened over the course of a few days.
And maybe a drive or go out for a fancy tea. To me, low key really does mean low key and that would be enough.
posted by DarlingBri at 7:14 PM on October 28, 2018
I would do cupcakes so your person can blow out a candle without a huge cake to eat, and open cards from everyone they know. Every relative, friend, church or synagogue member, staff member of their residence if they're in assisted living, etc. The cards can be opened over the course of a few days.
And maybe a drive or go out for a fancy tea. To me, low key really does mean low key and that would be enough.
posted by DarlingBri at 7:14 PM on October 28, 2018
There are some great ideas up there, and this is NOT any better, but I will share what my 104yr great aunt wanted every year since she turned 100.... she wanted to get bombed. I mean a bottle of Jack just for her. Now, she didn't actually drink it all, but she got well into that bottle every year, and she paid for it for a few days afterwards, but, after our family talked it over with her doc, we were OK with it.. I mean, it's really what she wanted.. friends and family around her and getting drunk.
My point it, ask them what they want.. you may be surprised, that after 100yrs on this earth, where they have outlived friends and family, they might know what they want better than anything you could guess at. And just listening to that request might mean more to them than throwing a big party. As we get older, especially at those upper years,, sometimes we forget to ask them what they would like. Sometimes, they don't want to be reminded that they are the "last one standing".... or maybe they do...
posted by niteHawk at 7:51 PM on October 28, 2018 [15 favorites]
My point it, ask them what they want.. you may be surprised, that after 100yrs on this earth, where they have outlived friends and family, they might know what they want better than anything you could guess at. And just listening to that request might mean more to them than throwing a big party. As we get older, especially at those upper years,, sometimes we forget to ask them what they would like. Sometimes, they don't want to be reminded that they are the "last one standing".... or maybe they do...
posted by niteHawk at 7:51 PM on October 28, 2018 [15 favorites]
Best answer: For my grandfather's 90th, my family contacted everyone he knew and asked them to mail a birthday card.
I did this for my 50th and it was great. In the small town where I live, it's a bit of a local custom to have people take out ads for "card showers" for older residents, so they get a lot of mail from their neighbors and local folks as well as family.
posted by jessamyn at 8:56 PM on October 28, 2018 [2 favorites]
I did this for my 50th and it was great. In the small town where I live, it's a bit of a local custom to have people take out ads for "card showers" for older residents, so they get a lot of mail from their neighbors and local folks as well as family.
posted by jessamyn at 8:56 PM on October 28, 2018 [2 favorites]
It has been my experience that even people who say they don't want you to make any fuss tend to melt when you give them a truly thoughtful gift. Perhaps you could dig deep into their past and arrange for all kinds of people to send happy birthday messages. Former co-workers, former schoolmates, people from their church, old friends, old flames, anybody you can find who seems relevant. That way you're not "making a fuss" in the sense that there's a big party; it's all very quiet and manageable and the person can appreciate it at their own pace. It also doesn't depend on recent memories. Instead of a potentially depressing look back, it's a way of showing this person how many people they've touched over the years and showing them that a lot of people still care about them. A 100th birthday is a big deal and I'm wagering that once you got started on this other people would be willing to help with the detective work, reaching out to their old friends and so on.
posted by Ursula Hitler at 8:56 PM on October 28, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by Ursula Hitler at 8:56 PM on October 28, 2018 [1 favorite]
Get everyone from Metafilter to send them a card. Imagine where they'll come from...
posted by Jubey at 9:52 PM on October 28, 2018 [4 favorites]
posted by Jubey at 9:52 PM on October 28, 2018 [4 favorites]
A "This Is Your Life" style thing - make a really nice photo album or photo book of family photos from through-out their life (contact relatives if possible to dig out old photos from their youth), with a presentation/slideshow of the highlights. You can include video or written messages from people who can't be there, maybe with favourite memories or funny stories from their past.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 4:50 AM on October 29, 2018
posted by EndsOfInvention at 4:50 AM on October 29, 2018
In Canada you can get a 100th birthday letter from the Queen - anything like that in your country?
posted by warriorqueen at 4:51 AM on October 29, 2018 [2 favorites]
posted by warriorqueen at 4:51 AM on October 29, 2018 [2 favorites]
I think it's great that you want to respect their wishes by celebrating in an understated way, and I hope you'll stick to that.
One idea might be a celebrations that they can enjoy at their own pace, on the big day or in the days afterwards. For example:
• A collection of photos from their life, collected in a nicely printed book.
• Bound letters from loved ones, talking about happy memories. (Depending on their eyesight, you might want to encourage people to write in large, clear letters.)
• Ask people to donate to a charity that is meaningful to the celebrant, and then write individual letters afterward saying they've done so, so that the letters keep arriving after the birthday.
Also, if the celebrant isn't feeling like they're up to experiencing joy directly, you might offer them the chance to experience it empathetically. EG, invite over a beloved child and let them eat an entirely inappropriate amount of cake while the celebrant watches. (And then whisk the kid away to some place where they can work off the sugar rush without bothering the centenarian.)
posted by yankeefog at 8:50 AM on October 29, 2018
One idea might be a celebrations that they can enjoy at their own pace, on the big day or in the days afterwards. For example:
• A collection of photos from their life, collected in a nicely printed book.
• Bound letters from loved ones, talking about happy memories. (Depending on their eyesight, you might want to encourage people to write in large, clear letters.)
• Ask people to donate to a charity that is meaningful to the celebrant, and then write individual letters afterward saying they've done so, so that the letters keep arriving after the birthday.
Also, if the celebrant isn't feeling like they're up to experiencing joy directly, you might offer them the chance to experience it empathetically. EG, invite over a beloved child and let them eat an entirely inappropriate amount of cake while the celebrant watches. (And then whisk the kid away to some place where they can work off the sugar rush without bothering the centenarian.)
posted by yankeefog at 8:50 AM on October 29, 2018
Best answer: I crawled out of my Metafilter cave for the 1st time in ~6 years just to favorite stone weaver's suggestion - having a roomful of friends & loved ones reminiscing about their favorite memories & stories about you seems like one of the best gifts ever --
These stories are part of the best that one leaves behind when they die; they're the real legacy.
"You never know when you're making a memory":
Most people should hear/know more often about their good influences through the collective fine memories of them (eg. deeds, inspiration, humor - or just flat-out warm-fuzzy reminiscences..)
Don't wait for a memorial service to share these memories of their life; let them also enjoy the feast (fest?) - tell them now, while they are still alive, how their life has positively influenced your life, and how much you appreciate them.
A discretely placed tissue box or 2 might not be a bad idea.. Don't dress somberly (this is not a funeral or memorial service - it's a Life Celebration!) The casualness & intimacy of a card game is a nice touch, as is the music, as is (well, everything else).
Stoneweaver for the win! (But all the other ideas are good, too!)
[On preview: I see that I've inadvertently implied a large gathering - I think that all of the above applies to small gatherings (including one-on-ones) - I certainly didn't mean to imply a large (& possibly exhausting) event..)]
posted by Tuesday After Lunch at 10:36 AM on October 29, 2018 [2 favorites]
These stories are part of the best that one leaves behind when they die; they're the real legacy.
"You never know when you're making a memory":
Most people should hear/know more often about their good influences through the collective fine memories of them (eg. deeds, inspiration, humor - or just flat-out warm-fuzzy reminiscences..)
Don't wait for a memorial service to share these memories of their life; let them also enjoy the feast (fest?) - tell them now, while they are still alive, how their life has positively influenced your life, and how much you appreciate them.
A discretely placed tissue box or 2 might not be a bad idea.. Don't dress somberly (this is not a funeral or memorial service - it's a Life Celebration!) The casualness & intimacy of a card game is a nice touch, as is the music, as is (well, everything else).
Stoneweaver for the win! (But all the other ideas are good, too!)
[On preview: I see that I've inadvertently implied a large gathering - I think that all of the above applies to small gatherings (including one-on-ones) - I certainly didn't mean to imply a large (& possibly exhausting) event..)]
posted by Tuesday After Lunch at 10:36 AM on October 29, 2018 [2 favorites]
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posted by Autumnheart at 5:18 PM on October 28, 2018 [2 favorites]