Resources for family of depressed teen
September 19, 2018 11:54 AM Subscribe
I am looking for excellent books, websites, articles, and other resources aimed at parents of teenagers diagnosed with major depression (non-psychotic). Personal advice for family members is also welcome.
I would love to find great resources (articles, websites, books, whatever) on the following topics:
1. Helping a parent understand a teenage child's depression. The parent in question understands in theory the kid can't just snap out of it, but could use some more insight into understanding depression because they don't know much about mental health issues in general. The resources I'm finding for parents tend to be about how tell if your kid is depressed or are very short overviews. I'd like something that explains depression and also gives advice on how to interact with your child in a supportive way.
2. Helping a younger sibling (a younger teen) understand the older sibling's depression. This could also be a resource on how a parent could talk to a younger sibling about depression. (I understand this is called well-sibling syndrome).
Please know that the teen in question has been diagnosed by a psychiatrist and is beginning treatment.
I also welcome other general insight or advice for family members of teenagers with major depression. Thanks.
I would love to find great resources (articles, websites, books, whatever) on the following topics:
1. Helping a parent understand a teenage child's depression. The parent in question understands in theory the kid can't just snap out of it, but could use some more insight into understanding depression because they don't know much about mental health issues in general. The resources I'm finding for parents tend to be about how tell if your kid is depressed or are very short overviews. I'd like something that explains depression and also gives advice on how to interact with your child in a supportive way.
2. Helping a younger sibling (a younger teen) understand the older sibling's depression. This could also be a resource on how a parent could talk to a younger sibling about depression. (I understand this is called well-sibling syndrome).
Please know that the teen in question has been diagnosed by a psychiatrist and is beginning treatment.
I also welcome other general insight or advice for family members of teenagers with major depression. Thanks.
I volunteer with NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, and I can't say enough great things about them. They have caregiver and other support classes and are always happy to talk people through available resources.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 12:19 PM on September 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 12:19 PM on September 19, 2018 [3 favorites]
Hyperbole and a Half may be an unusual way to explain depression but it is dead on. My treatment resistant depression diagnosed teen completely agreed. I think it works for anyone but the illustrations make it even better for a young person.
posted by maxg94 at 2:05 PM on September 19, 2018 [10 favorites]
posted by maxg94 at 2:05 PM on September 19, 2018 [10 favorites]
I have been that teen (though it was 20 years ago) and I cried when I read that Hyperbole and a Half explanation the first time. I would definitely recommend that. The goldfish part is especially accurate: everyone around you is telling you something that is weirdly just completely untrue. I wish I could have given that to my parents when I was in the middle of it as a teenager.
posted by fiercecupcake at 2:31 PM on September 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
posted by fiercecupcake at 2:31 PM on September 19, 2018 [1 favorite]
Navigating teenage depression is hella accessible and just plain awesome. there's a strong focus on hearing out what the kiddos themselves think about what's going on (and how to help em overcome) and think parent & teens would benefit from this book.
posted by speakeasy at 2:39 PM on September 19, 2018
posted by speakeasy at 2:39 PM on September 19, 2018
Helping a younger sibling (a younger teen) understand the older sibling's depression. This could also be a resource on how a parent could talk to a younger sibling about depression. (I understand this is called well-sibling syndrome).
well-sibling syndrome, under its various names, is something a little different. when all attempts to understand go in one direction only, when paying attention to the other sibling actually means talking to them about the identified patient (enough about your depressed sibling -- let's talk about your feelings about your depressed sibling), when it is assumed that the other sibling is "well" as some kind of permanent state - that is the thing to avoid.
having said that, it would be good to talk to the younger child about depression. to say the kind of thing and ask the kinds of questions the parent might wish they'd asked of the older sibling before the depression worsened or became visible. the classic good-child [1] response to an older sibling with problems is to hide their own problems, in an attempt to satisfy the family's need to focus its resources on a single crisis point. sometimes they really don't have any. but when you need a child to be the healthy one, you never find out if they really are.
my very specific advice is not to tell the younger teen medical details that aren't authorized by the older one. I don't know what it's like to have "depression" as a publicly known, publicly discussed, and publicly managed condition within a nuclear family, the way everyone in a family naturally knows if one kid has braces or asthma. for all I know it could be a great relief and support to the older kid. but it could also be really unbearable. so the parent should first go to the diagnosed party and say: I'm going to talk to your sibling about depression so that they aren't cut off from what's going on in the family and so they don't give you a hard time about anything right now. Is there anything you'd like me to make sure I tell them or keep private? and if they're able to read anything right now, ASK whether some popular cartoon more or less fairly represents their condition before handing it off to the other kid as a primer.
if the older kid is the kind of depressed that makes this kind of conversation impossible, still give them a courtesy warning and respect their privacy as much as may be possible.
[1] if they are not the classic good child this will all be much harder for the parents to deal with, but the younger sibling will be much healthier in the long run for it.
posted by queenofbithynia at 4:20 PM on September 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
well-sibling syndrome, under its various names, is something a little different. when all attempts to understand go in one direction only, when paying attention to the other sibling actually means talking to them about the identified patient (enough about your depressed sibling -- let's talk about your feelings about your depressed sibling), when it is assumed that the other sibling is "well" as some kind of permanent state - that is the thing to avoid.
having said that, it would be good to talk to the younger child about depression. to say the kind of thing and ask the kinds of questions the parent might wish they'd asked of the older sibling before the depression worsened or became visible. the classic good-child [1] response to an older sibling with problems is to hide their own problems, in an attempt to satisfy the family's need to focus its resources on a single crisis point. sometimes they really don't have any. but when you need a child to be the healthy one, you never find out if they really are.
my very specific advice is not to tell the younger teen medical details that aren't authorized by the older one. I don't know what it's like to have "depression" as a publicly known, publicly discussed, and publicly managed condition within a nuclear family, the way everyone in a family naturally knows if one kid has braces or asthma. for all I know it could be a great relief and support to the older kid. but it could also be really unbearable. so the parent should first go to the diagnosed party and say: I'm going to talk to your sibling about depression so that they aren't cut off from what's going on in the family and so they don't give you a hard time about anything right now. Is there anything you'd like me to make sure I tell them or keep private? and if they're able to read anything right now, ASK whether some popular cartoon more or less fairly represents their condition before handing it off to the other kid as a primer.
if the older kid is the kind of depressed that makes this kind of conversation impossible, still give them a courtesy warning and respect their privacy as much as may be possible.
[1] if they are not the classic good child this will all be much harder for the parents to deal with, but the younger sibling will be much healthier in the long run for it.
posted by queenofbithynia at 4:20 PM on September 19, 2018 [2 favorites]
General insight and advice: tell and show your kid as much as possible, in whatever ways you can, they are still your kid, the person they always were, and not a burden or like, that there is something wrong with them that has cast a pall over the rest of you. Even the best mental health advice for well family members (especially NAMI-type stuff, see NAMI Mommies) and sometimes for ill ones has that vibe about it. Encourage them to be open if they want to with the comfort of not being afraid they're punishing anyone.
Give them as much autonomy as possible in the treatment process - if they say "I don't like this therapist" or this med, don't assume that's them being resistant. Always keep the lines of communication open, understand your child is the expert on their own lived experience. And to that end, the best resources for understanding teen depression aren't always from a doctor or parent standpoint but from teens/young adults themselves, people who have spoken about what they went through in their own words. I agree with queenofbithynia, clear everything that might be shared with them first. Let them decide who and how they want to tell.
posted by colorblock sock at 8:29 PM on September 19, 2018
Give them as much autonomy as possible in the treatment process - if they say "I don't like this therapist" or this med, don't assume that's them being resistant. Always keep the lines of communication open, understand your child is the expert on their own lived experience. And to that end, the best resources for understanding teen depression aren't always from a doctor or parent standpoint but from teens/young adults themselves, people who have spoken about what they went through in their own words. I agree with queenofbithynia, clear everything that might be shared with them first. Let them decide who and how they want to tell.
posted by colorblock sock at 8:29 PM on September 19, 2018
Oh man, I remember reading Hyperbole And A Half's Adventures in Depression which ends with the line "And that's how my depression got so horrible that it actually broke through to the other side and became a sort of fear-proof exoskeleton." The comments were full of people congratulating her on feeling better, and all I could think was "Nope. That's not what happened here. She's not better." And I was right. She didn't post anything new on her site after that for a year and a half, when she finally posted Depression Part 2.
Anyway, comics are a really great place to find insight into depression from people who have experienced it first hand.
Off the top of my head:
Charlotte Mullin of Chuck Draws Things does comics on depression & anxiety
Robot Hugs does comics about mental health and depression
Sarah Andersen writes quite a lot about mental health
posted by Secret Sparrow at 8:31 PM on September 19, 2018
Anyway, comics are a really great place to find insight into depression from people who have experienced it first hand.
Off the top of my head:
Charlotte Mullin of Chuck Draws Things does comics on depression & anxiety
Robot Hugs does comics about mental health and depression
Sarah Andersen writes quite a lot about mental health
posted by Secret Sparrow at 8:31 PM on September 19, 2018
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It's the parents of a severely depressed teen talking to a therapist about the situation.
Every situation is different of course, but could be worth a listen.
posted by wowenthusiast at 12:01 PM on September 19, 2018 [1 favorite]